Archives

August 26, 2010
Dude, Watch This

Rednecks do not just live in America's south. They also seem to be alive and well somewhere in Eastern Europe. Yeah. Airbags have to stop bags of water weighing more than 150 pounds moving at more than 25 miles per hour. That's more than enough to bounce your skinny butt off the ceiling. Here, have a seat.

Posted by scott at 08:02 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 25, 2010
Bummer...

Well That Ruins My Weekend Plans
see more Oddly Specific
Posted by Ellen at 09:38 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 24, 2010
A Happy Member of that Fan Club

Ron gets a no-prize that'll constantly wonder why nobody looks it in the eye for bringing us this great little bitty... rrrm... ok, you get it... song. NSFW language, but the imagery is safely PG. Store bought? Bolt-on? Pshaw. You say that like it's a bad thing.

Posted by scott at 07:30 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 20, 2010
Higher Than Your Average Bear

Seems like "the bear lady's" bears were laid back for a reason. You mean mary-J is still illegal somewhere? Perish the thought.

Posted by scott at 06:47 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Mooore Strategy...

Actually, I think that's part of the unacknowledged appeal: looked at rationally, a zombie apocalypse will fall apart faster than its constituent corpses. I would have more to say, but I got distracted by the Snorg girl at the bottom of the first page. Oh, except to agree that the real threat is sparkly vampires!

Posted by scott at 07:02 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 17, 2010
Oh Dear...

Robert H. gets an oh-so-NSFW (language) no-prize for bringing us what I'm sure is one of Ray Bradbury's least expected 90th birthday presents. I could swear I've heard the tune before somewhere else, but I got distracted by the bewbies before I could place it.

Posted by scott at 07:51 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 13, 2010
Lol Whut???

Mike J. gets a very silly no-prize for bringing us yet another example of "too much time on your hands". Well, hey, if these guys ever actually left their basement, the internet would be a far less interesting place, eh?

Posted by scott at 07:34 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
The Right Kind of Sticky

I'd actually put the title of this in our post, but it'd cause eighty thousand pervs to hit this site every day. I have enough problems keeping the ones that already visit here locked down. So go look at the title yourself. Post is completely SFW.

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 12, 2010
Hopa Hoax

That series of pictures of the hot chick telling her boss off with clever dry-erase sketches? Yeah, fake. It did have that whole, "just too good to be true" feeling about it, in my opinion.

Posted by scott at 06:28 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 11, 2010
It's Only Lying When You Do It

Keith Olbermann: never let the facts get in the way of a good story. The video requires a free subscription to view, but in summary: Keith righteously calls out a lunatic right-winger who only took one question from a far-right organization and then fled a "fake doctor" Tea Party rally. Except, you know, she in fact stood there and took several questions, and had to be pulled away by her handlers to meet other obligations. That's not the point! The point is what we tell you it is!

But by all means, keep rooting for that sportscaster. I'm not sure he'd be able to make his mortgage otherwise.

Posted by scott at 06:34 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
August 08, 2010
Just In Case You Need To Massage Your Opossum

Posted by Ellen at 06:25 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 03, 2010
Busted

Unintended consequence of Google Earth, #2456: the mayor now has his own spy satellite. I'm not sure if I should be appalled at the idea of a nosy bureaucrat "inspecting" my property from on high, or impressed that a local government actually figured out how to use new technology.

Posted by scott at 08:21 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 02, 2010
Don't Wanna!

Mark gets a no-prize that'll explode with candy for bringing us this video of an otter teaching her kit how to swim. Olivia was just about that bad, until we go her a diving mask. After that, she was all mermaid, all the time.

Update: Link fixed!

Posted by scott at 07:15 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
August 01, 2010
Solar Toilet

Back in my day, we thought motorized water guns were all you needed to kill time between one college final and the next. That was because glow sticks had not been invented yet. Those of you wondering what the answer to the equation, "cheap booze + spare time + engineering students" was, well there you go.

Posted by scott at 06:51 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
July 29, 2010
I'm Actually Surprised the Damned Things Fit

Being a bazillionaire is no defense against a pissed off civil servant. As if parking, what, half a million dollars worth of cars in front of your store isn't publicity enough. Now that I think about it, I'm calling it damned likely said "pissed off" civil servant got more than just a heads-up about this opportunity. Meh, who cares.

Posted by scott at 07:39 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 28, 2010
Waiit a SECOND

There's advertising, and then there's advertising. I'm sure this will come as an utter shock to all of you, but sometimes the subtleties in life escape me. The fact I "got" this one means it's not all that subtle, I'm thinking.

Posted by scott at 06:17 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 26, 2010
Photo-WHA???

What better way to end a tough Monday than a collection of time slices? Photography became popular because it allowed the truth of what we see every day to outlast time. It has endured because it captures the strange truth of an instant.

And lets our friends show it to us the next morning. Damn, man, put some pants on!!!

Posted by scott at 10:16 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 23, 2010
Blind Ambition

That whole, "people who want to be seen naked usually shouldn't be seen naked" thing? How about a guy has made a whole music video on just that theme. Video is SFW, but some of the pictures may have you reaching for the eye bleach.

Posted by scott at 06:37 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 19, 2010
I Find Your Lack of Fruit Disturbing

Mike J. gets a no-prize that will always win "because good... is dumb." for bringing us this graphic account of just how Apple's iPhone 4 experience has gone. I'm pretty sure that's Mandarin, but you don't really need to understand the language to get a chuckle out of it. I wonder if there's an English language version out there?

Posted by scott at 05:40 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 16, 2010
Step 7: WTMI!!!

And in the "straight girls are more like straight guys than even they will admit" file, we have an example of someone taking a request for redemption just that much too far. Oh get over it guys. No matter what your fantasy is, straight chicks would react to this in likely the same way you would, if it was your bud "apologizing" like that.

Posted by scott at 09:34 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 13, 2010
MMooo!!! COWTOWN!

No one believed me when I passed this place on the way to Atlantic City last year. I got lost and the next thing I saw was a GIANT cowboy and a general store. I felt MUCH better when one of my assistants told me he LIVED in that area and it is COWTOWN, the best flea market in the area. Rudy no longer works with me, but he still sends me text photos of COWTOWN!

He’ll roll a 160-pound barrel — like the one he uses in the rodeo arena to fend off dangerous brahma bulls — 130 miles from Washington, D.C., to Cowtown to confront his largest opponents ever, bullying.

“I once heard something, that bullies are people who try to make their light shine brighter by putting your light out,” said Nash, known as “Starvin’ Marvin,” a nearly 40-year rodeo veteran.

The goal of Nash’s barrel roll is to bring attention to bullying and the effects it can have on the lives of school children, their families and others.

Something you just have to see in person.

Posted by Ellen at 09:55 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Redneck Rampage

Now, I'm pretty sure about half of these are fake, but I can't quite tell which half, and that means the other half are totally frikken awesome! One of Ellen's enduring memories of middle-o'-nowhere Arkansas remains all the goofy signs we saw on the roadside. Landscape-wise, Rural New York is so much like Northwest Arkansas it's scary, but they take themselves so seriously it's nowhere near as much fun as the Ozarks.

Posted by scott at 08:07 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 09, 2010
A Psychic, for the Rest of Us

Paul the psychic octopus has picked Spain to win the world cup final. Yes, I said psychic octopus. Dude, you think I'm clever enough to make that up? Nice.

Posted by scott at 07:02 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 05, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

"What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?" -- Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

Posted by scott at 05:22 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 03, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

"The Greeks - dirty and impoverished descendants of a bunch of la-de-da fruit salads who invented democracy and then forgot how to use it while walking around dressed up like girls." -- P.J. O'Rourke

Posted by scott at 05:44 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 02, 2010
Well Why Not?

People sometimes wonder where, exactly, I changed from a guy who likes pedaling into a road bike loon. Me, I'm not so sure either, but a conversation like this was probably involved. It's all good. My ex "married" a man who's been quite good to her for many years.

Posted by scott at 06:27 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Determined

The sing-song speak n' spell cadence just makes this discussion of the iPhone even funnier. I can think of several people I know who are just about this dedicated to those silly little glorified card decks.

Posted by scott at 06:28 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Like a Load of Bricks

What is it with grid girls passing out these days? Something very like this happened at the, I think it was the Australian Grand Prix, anyway, at a recent F-1 race this year.

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
June 28, 2010
Heee!!! NOT From Olivia

Funny Kids Drawings - Oh Ho Ho, What A Wit
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Posted by Ellen at 09:38 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
For All My Wrinkled Ladies!

Posted by Ellen at 09:20 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
June 26, 2010
Busy Lady

Ron gets a very naughty no-prize for bringing us quite possibly the most clever beer ad, evar. If they showed ads like that in the US, I'd be much more likely to watch them.

Posted by scott at 06:49 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
It's a Bubble, Eh?

Robert H. gets a sticker-shocked no-prize for bringing us proof that the housing bubble didn't burst, it just moved north. Those were the kinds of "deals" that happened every day around here, say, about five years ago. Now, not so much.

Posted by scott at 06:42 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
June 23, 2010
The Sound of Two Football Fanatics, Furiously Typing...

So, Fark's survey headline was, "Which NFL team has the worst fans?" And the best comment, by far, was this:

*cracks knuckles, prepares to take thread to next level*

NFC East:

Cowboys fans: redneck racists who think Obama was born in Kenya; permanent "bigger is better" complex to compensate for probable small penis size
Eagles fans: possibly the worst "people" to walk the planet; do not actually eat food for sustenance, but instead absorb negative thoughts and energy; booed Santa
Giants fans: got nothing
Redskins fans: gleefully cheering the most racist sports team nickname in the modern world



NFC North:

Packers fans: far and away the most morbidly obese group of humans in history
Vikings fans: possibly the stupidest group of football fans; mostly racists
Lions fans: got nothing to say about these poor unfortunate souls
Bears fans: easily the greatest group of football fans in the league; everything a fan base should be: loyal without being subservient to a shiatty product, high football IQ, great tailgaters; only one d-bag with that Katrina sign, but we took care of him

NFC South:

Falcons fans: terribly dispassionate, much like all Atlanta sports fans
Panthers fans: haven't been around long enough to create a stereotype, so we'll just say something NASCAR-related
Saints fans: pretty happy for them, got nothing
Buccaneers fans: more concerned with that goofy kiddie pirate ship and the cheerleaders than what's happening on the field

NFC West:

Cardinals fans: only started accepting Christianity as a valid religion when Kurt Warner joined the team
49ers fans: chardonnay-sipping yuppies
Seahawks fans: the whiniest fanbase in the NFL when it comes to officiating
Rams fans: do not actually exist

AFC East:

Patriots fans: make excuses for their team's blatant cheating; a little dash of Boston racism for taste
Dolphins fans: view gameday merely as a social event; did not deserve Ace Ventura
Jets fans: have the worst little brother complex of any fanbase in America
Bills fans: nothing bad to say

AFC North:

Steelers fans: knew god-damned well this whole time that Big Ben was doing this shiat
Ravens fans: more violent and easily-agitated than most fanbases, but this is partly because they are forced to live in Baltimore
Bengals fans: got nothing bad to say
Browns fans: seem to actually be more happy when their team is god-awful

AFC South:

Colts fans: all bandwagon jumpers outside of Marion County
Jaguars fans: do. not. give. a. shiat.
Titans fans: seem fine to me
Texans fans: see "Cowboys fans", but subtract some arrogance and add 50 pounds

AFC West:
Broncos fans: easily the most delusional fans in the league; will drink up any Kool-Aid that Pat Bowlen serves; think "in-com-plete" is somehow witty or distracting to opposing teams
Chiefs fans: nothing bad to say
Raiders fans: deserving all these years of shiatty football for being possibly the most violent fanbase in professional sports
Chargers fans: Kendra Wilkinson

Posted by scott at 08:06 PM | Comments (3) | eMail this entry!
June 21, 2010
Think (Tasty) Geek

Ok, I get it. For every dangerously useless government bureaucrat I find under the rocks on the left side of the peanut gallery, you'll find dangerously useless lawyers on the right side. Hey, here's a thought! Let's put the libertarians in charge! They want to take over the government so they can leave you alone!

Posted by scott at 08:32 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
June 20, 2010
Blow that Shiat Up

Oh, Earth, how can I destroy you, let me count the ways. A rite of passage in science fiction circles seems to be at least one apocalyptic novel, so I'm surprisingly familiar with, well, all the methods listed here.

Posted by scott at 07:03 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
June 18, 2010
LWLLJB

Those ...those ...gay! (color wands galore!) people...CLEVER!

Crazy teenage lesbians. I wonder what Disney is thinking about this?

Posted by Ellen at 10:57 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
This Is A Given
Posted by Ellen at 10:51 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
BURN HER!!!
Posted by Ellen at 10:32 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
And We Would've Done it, too, if it Weren't for You Meddling Kids

Ah, well, it looks like Ellen's dream to draft Amber so they can be the only people running after a storm just got a lot more crowded. The last season of Storm Chasers prominently featured scenes that depicted how crowded the, well, I guess for some it's an occupation, has become. Still, the crowds were unusual, and most of the time the guys in the show really did seem to be all on their own. Which, of course, won't stop them from biatching when "commoners" get in their way.

Posted by scott at 07:11 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
A Porsche, for the Rest of Us

At first I was like, dude. Then when he rolled it out of the garage, I was like, dude. It's often said, "to increase speed, add lightness." Leave it to a German to take that maxim and run it right out the other side of lunacy.

Posted by scott at 06:47 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
June 16, 2010
You Want 80s? I'll Give You 80s

An auction link, so check it while you can: Feast your eyes on what was once, briefly, the most expensive production car in the world. As of, as I recall, 1982. If inflation calculators are to be believed, it would be priced right around $265k nowadays. All of those people who make fun of Ellen's goofy box of an Italian sedan are pleased to be sitting down and shutting their trap now.

Posted by scott at 09:20 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
When Pictures Attack

It seems the guy who's built a career out of being an annoying idiot has finally posted an upskirt too far. Powerful people have been hunting around for an excuse to muzzle this nattering nabob for years. As so often happens in these cases, I'm not sure anyone counted on him providing the lever himself.

Oh, and let's all hope this teaches Miley, and the rest of them, that miniskirts make panties mandatory, eh?

Posted by scott at 06:53 AM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
Horns B Gone

The noise the South Africans are making with their cheap plastic horns is so annoying the BBC is exploring electronic filters. I happened to be in a restaurant last Friday that had the world cup on, and I can definitely attest to how annoying that din really is. I at first thought there was something wrong with the TV.

Posted by scott at 06:34 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
June 13, 2010
Pwn3d!!!
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Smoke 'em if Ya Got 'em

A British soap opera actress was recently told her boobs were too big for HD. The kicker? She's a quite-well-preserved 52 year-old who's character has been on the show for more than twenty years. With picture!

Posted by scott at 04:31 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
June 12, 2010
Wax What?

Jeff gets a no-prize that's not a g-d teenager, ok??? for bringing us A preview of Ralph Macchio's latest project. Not sure if that's actually his wife or not, but if she is, well done sir. Well done.

Posted by scott at 08:02 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
June 11, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

Ellen and Amber, let me show you them...

Well, except for the snake. They both like snakes.

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
June 06, 2010
Touchy-Feely Fall Down

Mike J. gets a no-prize that can't get up for bringing us a bit of fluff that shows what a modern browser is capable of. Yes, yes, I know, but, like the great man said, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

Posted by scott at 07:08 PM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
June 04, 2010
Rigidly Nonconformist

When you see one loopy Japanese teen it seems that maybe they can be individuals after all. It's when you see pictures of dozens of them that you realize well, maybe not. Note: Main pictures are fine but some of the ads are quite NSFW.

Posted by scott at 06:33 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
June 03, 2010
Whee!!!

I've often wondered what would happen if a car hit one of those toll booth dividers I regularly drive past every day. Thanks to some chick in the Ft. Worth area, I no longer have to wonder. And alcohol may have been involved? You don't say.

Posted by scott at 06:44 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
June 02, 2010
Proper Endings

I'm pretty sure half the audience was expecting Lost to actually end this way. I never got into the program, so I'm just going on the basic amusement value of this. Others may get a better chuckle from it than I did.

Posted by scott at 07:06 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 29, 2010
Good Taste? Us???

Ron gets a no-prize that's just not right for bringing us Retarded Policeman #9. The thing is, this is what goes on in the minds of most regular guys. Oh yeah right, like chicks don't take advantage of it.

Posted by scott at 01:22 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 28, 2010
Fun with Flames

Any time a guy has a pile of brush and a gasoline can, you know something dumb is about to happen. Kya-boom!

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Nope, Definitely Not

Mike J. gets a very puzzling no-prize for bringing us a rather curiously labeled door. Years ago the Chevy dealership in the town I grew up in had a sign on its main garage door that read something like, "if this door is down honk your horn and Larry will open it." I always wondered what would happen if Larry called in sick that day.

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
May 26, 2010
Insert Butch Cassidy Reference Here

I can think of nothing more discouraging than to set off an explosion so righteous it levels the bank, only to see the obstinately intact ATM bounding away down the street. Leave it to the Germans to take an interesting idea and add so many moving parts to it a failure is nearly as interesting as a success.

Posted by scott at 06:44 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 25, 2010
When Composition Attacks

As someone who's spent years discarding wonderful photos because of the stupid f--- in the back, it's nice to see I'm not the only one who sometimes forgets to check the background when he pulls the trigger. I only wish my goofs were that amusing.

Posted by scott at 08:14 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 16, 2010
Oh... Oh, Dear...

Nothing quite like 25 pictures of just how destructive kids can be to put your little hurricane-in-keds in perspective. Bonus: two of Olivia's greatest hits are depicted. I know teenagers have a deservedly worse reputation, but, far as I'm concerned, I definitely don't miss the days when cheese puffs were a weapon of mass electronics destruction.

Posted by scott at 07:48 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 13, 2010
Ghey Nerds

Ellen! Ellen! Look! This must be what they were like when they were teenagers! No boobies or winkies, but definitely NSFW nonetheless. But damned funny.

Posted by scott at 08:04 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
When Haircuts Attack

Leave it to standard poodle owners to take something as basic as a trim and ram it right out the other side of ridiculous. Ellen does some of these sorts of things to long-hair cats, but she doesn't use dye. Yet.

Posted by scott at 06:30 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 12, 2010
Mynd you, møøse crashes Kan be pretty nasti

It looks like even the legendary car manufacturer Volvo is not immune to the occasional demo failure. The more you complicate the plumbing, etc.

Posted by scott at 06:25 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 11, 2010
Better Marriage Blanket

I need one of these. Not for me. Him.

My story, sticking to it.

Posted by Ellen at 09:13 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 10, 2010
Red State Point

I'm actually a little surprised I hadn't heard of the weatherman gaffe until now.

Posted by scott at 06:55 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 09, 2010
C'mere, You Little Monster

Pat gets a no-prize that'll threaten to stop the car if we don't all settle down for bringing us a mother bear "rescuing" her cub. Me, I think it was less a rescue and more an example of the lengths parents will go to get their kids to shut the heck up.

Posted by scott at 03:09 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Muffin!

“If there’s one thing I’m known for, it’s my muffin.” So did Betty White introduce her delicacy on “Delicious Dish,”

I am sad I forgot about this!

Posted by Ellen at 09:07 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Tick TOOOCK!!!!

One of the less often noted features of pop music is its amazing flexibility. Hopefully the guy won't get busted for violating copyright or licensing. Yeah, it's a parody, but when's the last time that stopped the RIAA?

Posted by scott at 06:46 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 07, 2010
Anti-Win

Me: "Ellen, you gotta see this."

Ellen: "The upside down kid is the best... Oh, god, the upside down one... and this one's using the wrong finger... and naked photos..."

Posted by scott at 10:31 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Decimals are Important

It appears that yesterdays market chaos was caused by a trader entering "b" for billions instead of "m" for millions. These sorts of errors are possible often because it never occurs to the developers that someone would be that dumb. Unfortunately, they all too often are.

Posted by scott at 07:01 AM | Comments (3) | eMail this entry!
May 06, 2010
Aliens Go Where???

I'll see your "OMFG! We want your money and you won't give it to us BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID!" politicians and raise you a governor who's been abducted by freaking ALIENS. There's progressive, and then there's progressive.

I WANT TO BELIEVE!

Posted by scott at 10:35 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 04, 2010
Of Course, it Had to Be a Republican

Yeah, well, no excuses: Republican senator busted looking at porn on the Senate floor. The question for the day is, are Democrats avoiding getting busted on these things because they're just that virtuous, or because they're not smart enough to actually point the web browser at the right site?

I'm sure you've already guessed my answer.

Posted by scott at 06:54 PM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
May 03, 2010
Red Black Humor

Sometimes it takes a few jokes to bring home how awful a place can be. Unfortunately people living in communist regimes have been telling jokes like this all the way back to the days of Lenin. Professors still think it's a viable system of government.

Posted by scott at 06:45 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
April 30, 2010
Gamer Video

So, well, do you??? Those of you who liked "Dorkness Rising" would do well to find season 1 of The Guild. Unlike Dorkness, they've announced season 4 of The Guild. Available on DVD and Netflix streaming!

Posted by scott at 07:04 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
If Real-Life Gamers Starred in Horror Flicks

Gamers are professional paranoiacs because there really is someone out to get us, and the game master gets to bend the rules to do it.

Posted by scott at 06:24 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
April 28, 2010
Sorta Says it All

The fact we can even attempt to compare Social Security with Bernie Madoff's ponzi scheme speaks volumes. I've long considered my Social Security contributions as an expensive tax, money I'll never see again. I can state with full confidence that if I'd been given all that money as vouchers meant for tax-deferred accounts my personal retirement portfolio would be far more impressive than it already is.

But no, can't have that. We can't trust you with the money you made! If we just give you that money back who knows what you'll spend it on?

Posted by scott at 04:14 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
April 27, 2010
DBPP and Hypnotized Chickens

Power Point presentations have been identified as the next enemy the Pentagon must conquer. The folks at my old workplace were generally not competent enough to actually sew one together. At my new workplace, I'm either too far down the food chain to see one, or everyone's too busy to really mess with them. At any rate, the ones I have seen were mercifully restricted to just one or two slides.

Other folks, with other jobs, likely have a different experience. They'll probably find the article even funnier than I did.

Posted by scott at 02:45 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
April 23, 2010
Zoom-Zoom

Trust me, the only real difference between the inside of this car and mine is the language. Alternate title: a quick lesson in how to swear in Italian.

Posted by scott at 07:16 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
April 22, 2010
Damn. Just... Damn...

When posting rants about one's wife, the first advice is to not do it. If one must, one is advised to do so in a forum she does not frequent. Ignore this advice at your peril (post 1, then post 44). It's fun to rant. It's not fun to do it where a permanent record is left behind.

Of course, that assumes the thing isn't some giant hoax. No promises, no wagering.

Posted by scott at 06:29 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
April 21, 2010
GIMMEH!!

That would be Octopus: 1, Cameraman: 0. Alien, but smart!

Posted by scott at 06:44 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
April 19, 2010
Crazy is as Crazy Does
Posted by scott at 08:26 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
April 18, 2010
I Bet it Goes Well with Fava Beans
Posted by scott at 09:42 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
April 17, 2010
Watchout for the...

I'm suspicious, because the video is just so perfect, but I still LOL'd at this skateboard fail. Note to the squeamish: does not involve blood or broken bones. But it probably should've.

Posted by scott at 08:03 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
April 16, 2010
Underoos, for the Rest of Us

Coming to a Target near you: licensed pop culture images on men's underwear. Surprisingly, I do not actually have underwear with the cross-and-serpent on it. And, personally, I'm fine with that.

Posted by scott at 06:42 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
April 14, 2010
Conquering the Universe By Being... Delicious

Two words: Bacon AT-AT. Or is that three? Is AT-AT even a word? Oh who knows, I'm sure it violates a license or two. And soooo tasty...

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April 13, 2010
Fun with Figurines

I'm not sure why a giant collection of storm trooper pictures is entertaining, but it is. Probably has something to do with all the pollen in the air, that sort of thing.

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I Know This Can't be Real

Because if it was, it would've been Ellen who got a Droid, not me. It does sometimes seem the dratted little thing is omnipotent. But it's only a perception.

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April 12, 2010
Captain Obvious in the PRC

Berkeley, CA would like to remind everyone Florida has not completely stolen the Golden State's "wtf is wrong with you?" title. Georgetown's singular homeless man was given a tent so he could camp wherever he wanted in the city. I'm not at all sure if he's still around, thought.

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April 11, 2010
How... Charming...

How Zombie-fan Joshua missed out on brain cupcakes is beyond me. Red velvet cake: the utlimate freak-you-out baking good.

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April 10, 2010
Looks Like a James Bond Villan to Me

We heard about the guy who "blinged up" his bald head on the radio yesterday morning. Now we know what that looks like. An Englishman, being eccentric. Ya don't say...

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April 09, 2010
Literature, for the Rest of Us

I'm not at all sure if this supposed creative writing exercise is for real, but it sure is funny. A radical right sci-fi nerd getting yoked to a vapidly leftist emo chick? What's not to love?

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April 08, 2010
That's not Very Nice

Occasionally a Fark headline really does make me laugh out loud. When that happens, I think it's worth memorializing: Military commanders in Afghanistan have found that rather than a verbal apology to tribal leaders, the preferred way to ask forgiveness is to give them New Zealand supermodels. Now that's the wrong sort of animalympics right there, son.

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When Costumers Attack

Actually, a couple of these Star-Wars based costumes aren't that bad. And, trust me on this one, they saved the best for last.

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April 07, 2010
Delusional Meditation

Deepak Chopra seems to have taken the meditation equivalent of a massive dump, and the results were about what he would expect. Problems with causality would seem to not be a monopoly of the religious right after all.

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April 03, 2010
When Cabling Attacks

Just because it's obvious doesn't mean it's not worth repeating: you should always use the cheapest HDMI cables you can find. Click the graphic to make it enlarge. Lamp cord for speakers, good quality RCA cables, and cheap HDMI. Interconnects, for the rest of us!

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April 01, 2010
~ Can Somebody Find Me Somebody to Love / Can Any Body Find Meee.. ~

Ahem... ~some body TOOOOOOOOOOOO... LUUUUHhuhuhuhohohuvvvv.~ We especially like the couple with the assault rifle and the parrot.

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In Washington, This is Almost Believable

Annie gets an obstinately silly no-prize for bringing us news that an advocacy group is lobbying to have the Washington Monument moved 300 feet to the left. Why? Because that's where L'Enfant intended it to go, that's why!

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The Country's in the Best of Hands

Now, I understand that island nations have lots of problems specific to their situation. That said, I'm pretty sure one of them capsizing due to overpopulation isn't on that list.

"Well now, Lancelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise..."

And yes, I realize he's got some weird medical condition making him act this way. If I had a medical condition that made me act that way I would not have any job, let alone one that allows me to tinker with a whole country.

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March 30, 2010
That's... Colorful...

I'll see your be-winged, be-striped, beknighted rice truck and raise you one dragon. Or "Dagron", as the case may be. Ya know, the defining feature of a riced-out Honda is its base is quite cheap. The Corvette is expensive, even when it's a couple of years old. Ah well. His car, his money, his fun. And mine too, since I get to point and laugh at it.

Compensating for "visa-versa?" Why whatever do you mean?

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March 29, 2010
Well Why Not?

This time I'm including the lyrics because, while the kids are cute, it's a little hard to understand what they're singing. If it gets kids interested in music, I'm all for it!

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Aperture Science
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line.

And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa
THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.

Look at me still talking
when there's Science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are still alive.
And believe me I am still alive.

I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
STILL ALIVE (x2)

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March 28, 2010
The Color Purple...Hair

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March 26, 2010
That'll Buff Out

Damion gets a no-prize that's stone-dead reliable, but only to a point, for bringing us this abject lesson in why race car engineers get paid for what they do.

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March 25, 2010
Go On and Play it, I Dare You

You'll have this song in your head the rest of the day...

Dang it, they need to come out with v2.0. It's been, what, three years at least?

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March 23, 2010
that thou mayst shoot thine enemies full of holes, in thy mercy

Ron gets a no-prize he can hurl down at the wayward people when he returns from the mountain for bringing us The Gospel According to John [Moses Browning]. The only bad things I've consistently read about the 1911 was its weight and its kick. I guess that's why they're still so popular after all these years.

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March 22, 2010
Well, I'd Hope It'd be LARGE

Ron T. gets a no-prize that'll impress the ladies in the past again for bringing us the best hard-core nerd headline fail of the year. So far. In the past. Or was it, again?

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Tautology, with a Smiley

Mike J. gets a no-prize he'll just have to take our word about for bringing us this abject lesson in economic theory. The best part will be the folks on the left side of the peanut gallery will who see injustice and calumny as the lesson to be learned. More's the pity.

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March 21, 2010
I, for One, Welcome Our Robotic Rabbis

Bris?, Seder? Search for Sarah Conner? It's all good. Your mother wants you to visit her. You have fifteen seconds to comply.

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Welcome to the Geek Drama. Please have a Seat

Event: a rich association out-bids a different, slightly less rich association for a prime hotel because someone wasn't paying attention to who was going to be in town that weekend.

Result: ZOMG!!1!!ELVENTY!!! ALGORE IS GOING TO KILL COMICON!!!

I watched a non-profit schedule their annual meeting for 14 years. Getting outbid happens. This reaction? Comic book guy would be so proud...

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March 19, 2010
When Spin Attacks

ZOMG!!1!1ONE!1 Google's gonna take over teh hole wurld!!!

Mike J. gets the coveted "tin foil hat" no-prize for bringing us proof that no matter how hard you try to please people, there's definitely going to be someone out there who'll go all Chicken Little on you for trying.

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Photoshop Fail

Being a professional graphic artist sometimes just means everyone gets to see your mistakes. Some of them are a little subtle but others...

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March 18, 2010
Typo? What's a Typo?

Now, I'm not at all sure if all of these broadcast news "fails" are legit, but most of them sure seem to be. Looks like a combination of "durpdurpdurp", "it's my last day f'it" to me.

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March 16, 2010
I Guess Everyone Needs a Hobby

Sometimes there's no improving the Fark headline: I have no idea what you're talking about so here's a picture of an alpaca surfing off the coast of Peru. No, really.

Sorta reminds me of a really retarded-looking cat. I guess it's the pissed off look I'm recognizing.

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Best. Title. Evar!

That's No Angry Mob, that's My Mother. If my own mom hadn't blown out her knees years ago, I'm just about certain she'd be right up there carrying a sign. Heck, I'd lend Olivia to her to hold another, just for the cuteness effect.

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March 15, 2010
In Italy, This is Called, "a Discussion"

Hey, it's definitely more interesting than the local news in our town!

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March 12, 2010
I'm Lucky. I Have One. Ok, More Than One.

I live in DC! What do you want!?

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At Least It's a Cheerful Thought

Mike J. gets a grimly amused no-prize for bringin us this "oddly specific" graveyard sign. No, Ellen, you can't have it.

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March 09, 2010
When Customizers Attack

Leave it to the Top Gear crew to resoundingly call out people with too much time on their hands and far too many crayons in their box. The pictures are scary. The captions are a scream.

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March 08, 2010
I Have Absolutely No Idea What to Make of This

Is it a rickroll from 1976? A clever recreation of something that might have come from the 70s? A commercial for "Bob" that went horribly wrong somehow? You decide. Yeah, it's been making the rounds, but I hadn't seen it. Therefore nobody important had seen it either, until now.

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March 07, 2010
So That's Where Ellen's House Shoes Came From

WTF Girl Photo - This is who Jim Henson used to call when the muppet show got out of hand.
see more hawtness

Amber got Ellen these ridiculously fuzzy house shoes for Christmas. Now I know who "harvested" them. Go for the picture, stay for the goofy gamer quote at the bottom of the entry.

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What... the... Heck?!?

I have no idea what to make of this. But I like it! Oink oink oink...

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The Grammas In Action

We

see more pictures

No, not Olivia's. This is what's called a "representative sample."

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March 06, 2010
Posters, for the Rest of Us

Yeah I know, been making the rounds, but I thought this set of "truth in movie posters" was funnier than most. Maybe because, for once, I've actually seen several on the list?

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Your Thought for the Day

And it's a nice thought, too. In a weird and twisted way, but still nice.

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March 04, 2010
It's Chav-Tastic!

And now to give Ron and Amber horrific Jersey flash-backs. Some of these I'd seen before, others were quite new. It's my understanding this sort of... behavior... is less a "whole" New Jersey thing and more a "north NJ / East Long Island" sort of thing. None of my in-laws who live in the area look like this, but I bet they know people who do.

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When Bootlegs Attack

Nothing like people who don't even have English as a second language to really get creative with the bootleg merchandise. I think Fox should license those Simpson knock-offs and sell them here as legit. That sort of loopiness just dovetails so nicely with the actual series.

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March 03, 2010
Chupacabra Found! Living in Oklahoma!

He says it's known as the Dry Gulch chupacabra, after the legendary animal that supposedly sucks the blood of goats.

Really? Goats? This one was found in a trap with a slice of apple.

Posted by Ellen at 05:32 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
Deconstruction, for the Rest of Us

Mark gets a no-prize don' do nothin' but talk some sense for bringing us this lesson in why it's best to just leave old white people alone. Personally I just want to get my rear home when I'm on the bus. I imagine that's what the old man wanted too.

Update: Some local radio station found the principals, and interviewed them.

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February 28, 2010
*SNICKER*

Funny Facebook Fails
see more funny facebook stuff!
Posted by Ellen at 09:19 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
February 27, 2010
Digging For Diamonds... Bovine Style!

Needless to say, the homebound bovines cause "total chaos," upending furniture, scattering belongings, and generally making a mess of things.

It's not every day that you get guest like these.

Fun thing is, we've been to Murfreesburo digging for diamonds! The little water park at the diamond mine was fun too!

Posted by Ellen at 08:24 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
February 26, 2010
Puppet Bewbies!

Now wait a darned second, I thought Colorado Springs was a bastion of limousine liberals? A case of me getting my cities messed up, or yet another example of progressives making sure the little people are not led astray? Meh, probably the former, but it'd be funnier if it was the latter.

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February 25, 2010
NNNNERRDDSS!!!

And now, the largest lightsaber battle ever filmed. In Bristol. No, not the planet, the town. I'm not even sure there is a planet Bristol. Oh, God, now I'm doing it too...

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February 24, 2010
Welcome to My World

One of the unexpected perqs of my previous job was the deliriously loopy phone messages I would sometimes find in my voice mail. Sometimes they were scary, sometimes they were incoherent, usually they were harmless but entertaining. The effort put into them was occasionally impressive, as was the time when every single person in the organization got the exact same 3 minute message, a message obviously NOT written down but memorized exactly, five times in a row. We later figured he started at about 8 pm and finished up some time after 3 am the next morning.

At any rate, I got one that was so loopy and yet so characteristic I captured it. You can listen to the redacted version here. Apologies for all the ads, if there's a better host let me know. Enjoy the quirkiness of what wobbling off one's meds actually sounds like.

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February 23, 2010
Aiiiieeeee!!!

No matter how many times you see these, they will always make you laugh.

Wheee!!

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Magazines, for the Rest of Us

Now, personally I'd include a few articles about cars, but otherwise these examples of how men would write women's magazines is bang-on. You know, as it were...

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February 22, 2010
Fun with Searches

Brent B. gets a very instructive no-prize for showing us what a simple Google search can reveal. Which Ron never even thought of. @Ron: Son, I am disappoint.

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That's One Way to Get Rid of It

Ever wonder what would happen to a laptop if you submerged it in liquid nitrogen? Wonder no more. Two observations: a jerk-off who does something unexpected is still a jerk-off, and does that guy look like Egon or what?

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February 20, 2010
Grasshopper Tacos!

Sorry the vid is grainy! It has grease on it. *Scott*

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February 19, 2010
Learn Not to Burn

Remember when mom said to never put anything in your ear smaller than your elbow? That's because she didn't think she needed to tell you not to put flaming crap there too.

Because we all know Ellen's much smarter than that.

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February 18, 2010
Maybe This Program Won't Get Cancelled

Leave it to the Onion to just, out of nowhere, completely skewer "the NASA way." Oh don't worry, it's not mean. But it is appropriate. NASA-friend Kevin, you have been warned.

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When Pelicans Attack

No, really, when pelicans attack! In this case, a weatherman who screams like a girl. Buck up, man, it's just a goofy bird!

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February 17, 2010
WANT!

How cute is this!?

I need one!

Posted by Ellen at 09:38 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
February 15, 2010
Godwin's Climategate

To this day I haven't found one of those Hitler parodies unfunny. This one is no exception. This marks the second time this re-worded rant matched exactly what I picture going on in the head of one of the people sitting in the extreme left of the peanut gallery.

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February 12, 2010
Paging Deep Purple, White Courtesy Phone Please

Hey, if you can't post a huge website dedicated to a tired, old inside joke about British cars, what's the point of having it? Italian wiring has a good reputation for reliability, as long as you realize the wiring diagram is more of a suggestion than an actual, you know, tool. They make this stuff for computer circuits too, but in smaller, more expensive containers.

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February 11, 2010
Busted

Think of it as an update to the piña colada song, only with a more realistic ending. I don't have to worry about something like that, because a baseball bat cocking backward behind my head doesn't make a noise.

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February 10, 2010
Roarbag

Mark Ron gets a no-prize that'll keep him warm at night for bringing us yet another quirky Japanese interpretation of a mundane bit of camping gear. Honestly, I got nothing for this one.

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February 09, 2010
Whooops!!

Cameraman takes a spill on the ice from our recent storm.

Note how the reporter keeps going. *snicker*

Posted by Ellen at 06:28 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
February 05, 2010
Now, if it Were Sam Adams...

Mark and Ron share a no-prize that's willing to sacrifice for the right thing for bringing us this viral bit of advertising. It's a little long for a Super Bowl ad, but I wouldn't be surprised to see a 30-second version this weekend.

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February 04, 2010
Your Smile For The Day

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Ellen? Is that You?

Hey, trust me, it's an emergency of epic proportions around here too: woman arrested for dialing 9-1-1 repeatedly after losing her cellphone. Eerily Ellen-like denouement: it was found in her jacket while police were searching her. If my wife looked at me like she looked at her phone...

Posted by scott at 06:32 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 31, 2010
Wackos, Ho!

Nice to see our side has theatrical wackos too. Oh, shut up. Your side got to do crazy crap like that for the past eight years. Our turn now...

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January 30, 2010
What the Hell Else are Soldiers Supposed to Do?
Posted by scott at 12:32 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 29, 2010
At Least Now I Know Why Olberman Still has a Job

US TV news isn't quite as formulaic. Oh, who am I kidding? We just have a different formula on this side of the pond.

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Oopsie!

Mark gets a no-prize that makes the dolphin noise for bringing us this silly little bit of fluff.

Posted by scott at 06:29 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
January 28, 2010
Oh, the Huge Manatee

I guess tattoo artists don't have the advantage of that red squiggly line you get in a word processor. Some of Ellen's ink looks mis-spelled, but that's because it's in Latin. How do I know it's spelled correctly then? Well, Mark (who wrote it out) is still breathing, right?

Posted by scott at 05:46 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 27, 2010
Ha-Ha!
Posted by Ellen at 06:39 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Best Sign EVAR!!
Posted by Ellen at 06:26 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 26, 2010
Kill it! Kill it with Fire!

NOTE: This is not one of those "giant loud scream at the end" practical jokes, so no worries there. I especially liked his tiny helper's advice at the end.

Posted by scott at 10:50 AM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
January 25, 2010
Sugar Noms!

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January 22, 2010
How... Tasteful...

Ron gets a gold-plated no-prize for bringing us proof that poor taste knows no color nor national boundary. I think it also just might stand as the signal example of, "if you spend enough money on it, any damned thing can be made to look good." C.f. "Spelling, Tori."

Posted by scott at 03:51 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 20, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

These things just never stop being funny. Well, to me anyway.

Posted by scott at 09:35 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 15, 2010
The Dress

20668_289651081787_734831787_5123276_4845636_n.jpg

Who doesn't like a dress with pom-poms on it!

Posted by Ellen at 07:25 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 14, 2010
Suddenly, the Japanese have a Challenger

Three words: Star Wars Disco. 70s Star Wars Disco. 70s, French Star Wars Disco. My brother and I almost wore a hole in a copy of that disco single when it was new. In our defense, I was 9 and he was 7.

Posted by scott at 08:31 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
That's not Very Nice

Hey, man, scaring the crap out of you as you do your death-defying bungee jump is just what friends are for. I know my friends very well. That's why they'll all be in the next county if I ever try a stunt like this. Kevin and Ron will have to be, I dunno, on Mars or something.

Posted by scott at 08:21 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 13, 2010
You Gotta be Kidding Me

Two words: Cleavage caddie. Like I need another excuse to go rummaging around in there...

Posted by scott at 08:05 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 12, 2010
Three Words...

Death. Metal. Chicken.

That's about what it sounds like to me, too.

Posted by scott at 10:04 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
It Just Keeps Getting Better

This winter is so cold... [HOW COLD IS IT?!?] ... it's so cold, it renders sea turtles unconscious. Bonus: it's happening in Texas.

By rights, this is a giant trap about to snap into the hottest summer in decades. But I'm not betting money on it.

Posted by scott at 10:00 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 08, 2010
Oopsie!

Nothing like a few really choice TV news bloopers to start your Friday off right. Includes the infamous, "keep f-ing that chicken" clip that Stern kept playing late last year. In that one, the look on the lady on the left's face is priceless.

Posted by scott at 07:06 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 07, 2010
GAK!!

This website is OLD and RICKETY and a pain in the ass to update.. so you get the SAME story from 2 ppl on this site... FACELIFT needed here!

Posted by Ellen at 09:56 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
January 06, 2010
Lucas Live

It turns out George Lucas really does have a sense of humor. I know, I know. It just seems like the very few interviews he seems to give mostly involve him patiently putting up with the reporter. Well, yes, he does that here too, but at least laughs at the end.

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January 05, 2010
What a Charmer

Nothing like a bored roommate with access to gay porn to ruin your whole day (SFW). Lemme tell you, one of my family members does that to my electronics, There Would be a Reckoning. And that's only if I got to them first. When Ellen handles things, people just don't show up to work the next day. Or ever.

Posted by scott at 07:11 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 04, 2010
Proof of that 10,000 Monkeys Thing

Fark just announced the winners of its "Best Headlines of 2009", and they really are that special. Yeah, it's a cage full of shrieking chimps flinging poo, but it's my cage full of shrieking chimps flinging poo. Unlike Face the Nation, at least these chimps are funny. About as useful, too.

Posted by scott at 07:21 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
December 29, 2009
My Kind of Game

Just gotta watch the back-stop, I guess. Mark gets a no-prize that'll he can charge his fellow re-enactors to use for bringing us this great example of "adapt and re-use."

Update: Now with "video that works" goodness!

Posted by scott at 08:30 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
December 28, 2009
Like Trying to Convince the Tide to Go Back

When A Gramma gets something into her head, it would take nothing short of a crowbar to get it out. The best part is, neither Ellen nor her mother think this lady has much of an accent.

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Sha. Like Mine Would Ever Listen

Nothing quite like someone goofing on Garfield. What? Are you kidding? Ok, here's a hint: my wife and Amber give each other framed pictures of their cats for Christmas, and they aren't joking. I never, ever yell at our cats, especially when Ellen's not around. Yep, that's right.

Posted by scott at 03:43 PM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
The Year in Review

The sad part is, this is only a little exaggerated. One of my favorites: "On the environmental front, Copenhagen hosts a massive international conference aimed at halting manmade global warming, attended by thousands of delegates who flew to Denmark on magical carbon-free unicorns."

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December 22, 2009
Fake, but a Funny Fake

And now, a guy with a blowtorch in his ass. Hey, folks, we know you come here for high brow discussions and fine culture, and we aim to please! Stay classy, AMCG!

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Redneck Rampage

I'm sorry, there's just something about a redneck fisherman messing up that never stops being funny. Probably has something to do with his being from Tennessee.

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December 17, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

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December 14, 2009
Dominick The Donkey

Posted by Ellen at 07:59 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
Puts a Whole New Meaning to, "Oohh... you have... a sparkly!"

And now, a platinum and diamond vibrator. Yeah, can't see that one heading our way for Christmas any time soon. Seems to me it'd be likely to chafe.

Via, of all places, Instapundit.

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December 11, 2009
He Can't be Happy with How that Ended

Let the Tiger Woods parodies...begin!!! Video is naughty but contains no nudity and, wtf, it's Friday afternoon. Knock yourself out!

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December 10, 2009
Stage 2

First Saturday Night Live, now The Daily Show. The trouble with being funny while making a point is the point sticks a lot better. Well, I guess it's only trouble if the point is toward you.

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December 09, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

lookscool.jpg
Posted by scott at 07:06 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
December 07, 2009
Atlas Syndrome

One thing you can always count on the Democrats for is eating their own children. It took me reading it in three places to realize this really is Code Pink going after the sitting president.

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December 04, 2009
Suddenly the Name Ours Has isn't that Clever

I can remember when there were only 2 other wireless networks detectable in our neighborhood. Recently I had reason to do another scan and there must've been 20. None had names as memorable as this. That sound you hear is Ron furiously scribbling ideas for his, once he gets it.

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In Other News, Water Wet, Sky Blue

Idea: Compare how men who watch porn compare with those who don't. Problem: Finding someone, anyone, who can make up the latter group. Sometimes even when the experiment fails to get off the ground it can still tell you something.

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December 03, 2009
Our Father, Who Art in the White House

Mike J. gets a no-prize he'll have to protect from the monks when they come boiling out of Hagia Irene tonight* for bringing us this oh-so-subtle bit of symbolism during a recent Obama press conference. It can't possibly be an accident. I'm just amazed the editor had the balls to run the picture anyway.

----
Oh, go look it up yourself this time.

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Fun with Games

While I was never (often) like this, I can think of several dozen guys who were. When they were done messing up text games they'd usually head over to the chat rooms.

You know, chat rooms? They were like IM, but with more nerds and creeps.

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November 30, 2009
Ok, that's Just Tacky

Latest "best of" Fark headline: Rockville Police shoot Jesus. Awwwwwkwaaaaaard. Actual story, with "no, that really is the headline" goodness is here.

Update: Comment bonus:

What do you call a dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

A guy who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

Also: What is the the difference between apathy and agnosticism?

I don't know, and I don't care.

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Over in One

I always knew the Twilight saga could be summed up in a single sentence, I just didn't know it'd be this funny. Then again, this is Hollywood. I'm pretty sure simple is required, if only to help the executives.

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November 25, 2009
Shhh!!!

Nothing like a bit of humor to really skewer a sacred cow. Cue the shrieking watermelon response!

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Holiday Fun, FTW!

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November 24, 2009
Fun with Faceboook

See, I'm such a terrible Star Wars nerd it actually bothers me that some of these updates aren't really possible. You know, in a plot-consistent sort of way.

Oh, no, thanks but Ellen gives me a, "needs to get out more" sign at least once a week.

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If it's Stupid and It Works...

... it's not stupid. Alternatively: "I care not what color the cat is, as long as it catches mice." That said, it still looks like something Olivia would bring home after school

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November 23, 2009
~ And Oh, / After the Love Has Gone ~

Go for the excellent extended parody. Stay for the huffy, "yes, but Bush..." comments. Eventually these people will have to move on, but I'm not holding my breath.

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November 20, 2009
Why Gamers Make for Lousy Heroes in a Novel

The only minority less likely to die in a haunted house than black people are gamers. Because it'd take us three days of testing and spell casting before we'd set foot in the yard. F'ing ghosts would throw rocks at us to make us go away.

Posted by scott at 08:55 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Of Course They're Bad! Why? Because We Say They Are!

Ah, I get it now. I get it. Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, that Beck guy I've never actually seen but sure seems to get the left side of the peanut gallery riled up, I now see the truth about those horrible, evil people! Now I understand why everyone on that side takes the sports caster with the thick glasses so damned seriously.

Well, then again...

BeckLimbaughCoulter-600x267.jpg
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Headline of the Week

Squirrels, having trouble climbing down trees, evolved more flexible ankles. Cats, having trouble climbing down trees, evolved humans with pulleys. Via a Fark note to this article.

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November 19, 2009
When Wedding Guests Attack

I'm sure there's a bridezilla in your life you'd wish this on. There's definitely NOT one in ours. My story, sticking to it.

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November 18, 2009
But I'm not Bitter...

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November 17, 2009
But He's not Bitter

The first part of this sounds like Ellen's pre-child apartment. The rest sounds like various cousins and other relations. But not me. I wasn't cool enough for an apartment. But man, we tore up that dorm room! [Geeky snort!]

Posted by scott at 07:38 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
November 14, 2009
Tick... Tock...

Go for the report about a cop who called 9-1-1 because he thought he was OD'ing on pot brownies. Stay for the anchor desk that won't stop giggling. I know, I know, stoners aren't funny. But these are.

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November 13, 2009
AAAEEEEEYAAA!!!

Roundabouts are supposed to slow drivers down. Frequent readers will note the use of the word "supposed". Hopefully nobody got hurt.

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They're from the Bay Area? Really?

I guess it's just as well I never saw the aerobics dance championship when it first aired. Not that, you know, anything's wrong with that.

Posted by scott at 07:15 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
November 11, 2009
Oh Dear

And now, men with mustaches. One of them is traditional, two of them don't look ridiculous. The rest? Well, you'll have to see for yourself.

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November 09, 2009
At Least This One isn't Stupid

Just in time for the sequel to premiere, we have proof SNL can still sometimes be relevant. And that Taylor Swift is at least as good an actress as what's-'er-name. But since he's not, you know, sparkly, I don't think Amber will be as interested in this one.

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November 06, 2009
Ok, Who Gave Ron the Keys to the Grounds Keeper's Shed?

When I was in high school, this sort of thing would've passed nearly unnoticed. Google maps. Is there anything it can't make better?

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November 05, 2009
A Blast from Ellen's Past

Once again, I get to make a Foxworthy joke about my yankee and emphatically not redneck wife. To wit: "If you can recognize a wrestler, and identify the wrestlemania he starred in, just by the theme song they play...

Me, I called it, "giant costumed white guy chases around skinny well dressed black guy."

And yes, children, at one time that sort of flat top was thought to be cool.

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Not that There's Anything Wrong with That

We all know them. now they have a name. And they're taking it back! Bah. I'm not even that cool.

Posted by scott at 08:20 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
November 04, 2009
A Winning Fail

I have found college friend Kevin's long-lost brother, driving a forklift in a warehouse somewhere in Russia. Meh. Coulda been worse. Coulda been beer.

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When Access Attacks

I think the ultimate point is that, even after spending millions of dollars on fancy things like pretty people, clever writers, and glossy special effects, network TV still can't do better than a weirdo with one camera. And to think at one point network TV was all there was.

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November 03, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

japan.jpg
Posted by scott at 06:32 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
November 02, 2009
This is Funny and Sweet At The Same Time

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November 01, 2009
Yup, That's Ellen

I don't know which was better, the flow chart on how women shop for shoes, or the fact that Ellen read through the first one and didn't even bother to scroll down to read the second. "I know what it says... 'I need a pair of shoes, I go buy a pair of shoes.'"

So close it's scary.

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October 29, 2009
Yeah, I Don't Think So

Wtf? these shake weight things are getting out of control. Then again, considering all the free publicity the inventor is getting, he's probably embarassed all the way to the bank. Free enterprise, FTW!

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October 26, 2009
Gotta Have One!

So now, let us all pause to remember the Yugo, a car so basic it literally gave new meaning to the phrase, "basic transportation. When the best you can do is promote your car's wiring being wrapped in plastic, well son, you've got some problems we need to discuss.

Posted by scott at 09:52 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
October 25, 2009
My Kind of Work Out

Mark gets a well-toned no-prize for bringing us the ultimate in women's workout accessories. Video is very SFW. Audio is mildly blue, but very, very funny.

UPDATE: Ellen looked over and said, "Dude, that's a real product. Do another Google search." You know what, she was right. The real video is actually funnier than the parody.

Now, to write down that 800 number...

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Your Thought for the Day

stantisnobel.gif

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October 23, 2009
Bah. Soap is Soap

Still, the look on this kid's face is pretty darned funny. I guess it's true... women have a soap for every damned thing.

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And the Award for Best Actor Goes to...

All this time, I thought it was basketball players who, well, played up the drama in the hopes of drawing a foul. Turns out they got nothing on soccer players. Of course, soccer's always struck me as basketball writ-large, so maybe it's no coincidence?

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That Would Be Traffic: 1, Viper: 0

All the high performance in the world won't get you past the basic physics of traffic. My luck, I'd be the last one on that ramp, in the Spider.

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October 22, 2009
Ok, that's Just Tacky

Joshua and Bobby and Ron and Mark and Rick and... oh hell, you get it, I have found your costume. Except for Kevin. Because he doesn't need another excuse to wander into traffic...

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Best. Fark. Headline. Evar!!!

Old & busted: No spanking your children. New hotness: No yelling at your children. Coming soon: Why does mommy have a drinking problem?

Ok, the article's not that funny, but it's a rare headline indeed that makes me literally laugh out loud.

Us? Well, let's just say I'm glad that time-outs and "groundings" have so far been all we need. Did I mention how I'm so not looking forward to 13?

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But..But..But...Alfas!!!

upskirt.jpg

What would Scott do?

Posted by Ellen at 04:37 PM | Comments (3) | eMail this entry!
HAHA!!

Thanks to Mark for the funny!

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October 19, 2009
Naming Names

Today's goofing on a kid's name comes from Livingston Parish, LA.

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October 13, 2009
FORE!!

Bobbing along at a depth of 754 feet, it is unlikely these balls of Loch Ness will ever see the light of day again.

Oh come on now... we all know those are the eggs of Nessie.

Conspiracy I tell ya!

Posted by Ellen at 08:36 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
October 10, 2009
It's Official, the World's Gone Mad

First a Nobel prize for general awsomeness, now golf is an Olympic sport. That's it. I'm done. Stop the world, I want to get off!

Posted by scott at 08:12 AM | Comments (5) | eMail this entry!
October 09, 2009
Ya Got a'Right Purty Truck...

Englishmen really need to glom onto the fact that sometimes being cute and clever has its limits. I distinctly remember Ellen locking the doors and asking me to drive faster when we got to Fifty-Six, Arkansas*. I, being well aware of what tiny Southern towns can be like, instead drove 2 mph UNDER the speed limit, as quickly as I could.

The thing is, there are places in Wales, Scotland, and Cornwall that'd be just about as hostile. I doubt they'd even last half as long in Australia. In other words, it ain't just us.

----
* Population: 71

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October 08, 2009
It's a Little Like That... Maybe a Lot

I've seen both my parents do at least two of these things at least once. Me? Well, if I'm not in the kitchen to get a beer then I might as well not be in the kitchen.

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October 07, 2009
Oops

This sucks

I wonder what happened next?

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Personal Sick Space

How not to catch the swine flu.

Posted by Ellen at 06:14 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
October 05, 2009
Hooray for Fail!

A classic:

I link this not because it's unknown... it's been around awhile. I link it because, and I am not making this up, ten years ago this is exactly what Ellen would've done, except she would've done it when the snake came out, not when the lizard jumped. People who've read this site for only a few years will say, "wha???"

Yes, folks. Ten years ago I married a woman who pretty much defined, "deathly afraid of snakes." Now I have a wife who owns two, only because I won't let her own five. Chicks are, as they say, weird.

Posted by scott at 08:26 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Oh, Hai!!!

Nothing like being surrounded by human-scale items for putting a very large, very dangerous, and very free polar bear into perspective. There's big, and then there's polar bear big. And a big thumbs-down to the Fark thread, which didn't produce a single steal-able lol from this remarkable picture.

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October 04, 2009
It's Really Quite Good

Those who haven't glommed onto Top Gear because "It's a Car Show" will do well to review the same guy's take on hot sauce. Well, "nuclear land fill oh please I'm more afraid if I don't die" American hot sauce, that is. The show is actually funnier, because there are three of them and they play off each other.

Posted by scott at 09:31 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
October 02, 2009
When Lateral-G Attacks

Ya know, there's a reason they make you wear a 4-point harness on a race track. Especially at Laguna, where (as I've been told) you end up pulling appreciable negative G, due to the elevation changes at the corkscrew. I only ever drove it in a video game, and that was challenging enough.

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Cllllassy!!!

Hey, checkit... trim that'll fit the Milano *AND* the Spider! I always wondered where those ghetto boiz got their bling. Little surprise it's about as generic as the innocent, unsuspecting Japanese sedans they inflict it on.

Posted by scott at 06:43 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
MAHBUCKET!!!!
Posted by Ellen at 06:55 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 30, 2009
~ Oh You'll Never Hear One of Us Repeating Gossip ~

Being famous means you get away with outrageous crap. It also means people get to talk about it, and potentially make up even more outrageous crap. Dang. I got tricked into caring about what celebrities do again!

Posted by scott at 06:55 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 28, 2009
And the Theater Goes, "BoooOOOoooOO"

The thing is, Ellen has no problem with the idea of chasing tornadoes. You know, big, disastrous, destructive things that quite patently exist, get caught on video all the time, and kill those unfortunate enough to be in their path. However, she will not even entertain the idea of spending the night in an old, broken down house who's worst threat is a nasty rat or a big spider. So, guess which thing will really scare her?

No such thing as ghosts!

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The More You Know...

For my friends on the opposite side of the aisle, there's this typically-reasoned guide to keeping us conservatives from being, well, so darned angry about everything:

Conservatives are very angry these days. I haven’t seen conservatives this angry since the last time a Democrat was president. So the anger is probably because the president is black. While that might not seem so bad, conservative anger could lead to something disastrous: their mobilizing to vote against Democrats.

It's funny because all of this really is how you guys are coming off now that you've got all the reins. Oh I know, I know, my side wasn't any better. Then again, it wasn't my side that got all starry-eyed when "hope and change" was mentioned, eh?

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September 26, 2009
The Dorkness is Strong with These

Ok, maybe it's a little like this. Ok, actually, probably it's a lot like this. Ellen and Amber both liked to make fun of how nerdy their husbands were back in the day. The look on their faces when they were reminded they voluntarily married said dorks was sweet indeed.

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September 25, 2009
I Wonder What *THUD* Translates to in Arabic?

Ever wonder how those translators manage to hang on through hours and hours of translating a bloviating blowhard at the UN? Well, turns out, they don't. I guess after awhile even the absurdity of it all wears thin.

Posted by scott at 06:56 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Bloody Peasants...

Mark gets a no-prize that hangs on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society for bringing us an example of the only way I'd end up in a May Day parade. I like the guy who starts marching backward the best.

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September 23, 2009
Now That's Just Tacky

Like the old video store rental records with an arms-length list of the porn you rent, a record of what people actually search for reveals us for what we are, not what we tell people we want to be.

Posted by scott at 07:15 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 22, 2009
What a Tough Job

File this one under nice work, if you can get it: helping a video starlet adjust her outfit on the latest shoot. No, really, things were just out of place! Oh, don't worry, completely SFW.

Posted by scott at 07:49 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 21, 2009
Smells Like Middle Aged Desperation

Before Match.com, before chat rooms, before the internet itself, there was video dating. And it was good. Well, good, in a "really ridiculous hair styles and ugly sweaters" sort of way. Is it just me, or does the viking come off as the most sincere?

Via Instapundit.

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I Guess They Found the Trumpet Players

Oh noes! The end of the world is... today!!! Well, there goes the rest of my week...

Posted by scott at 11:48 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 19, 2009
The Nerdiness is Strong with This One

Bobby gets a no-prize with way too much time on its hands for bringing us the 1000 & 2nd use for one of those 3D printer things. Why people waste their time with goofy Star Wars memorabilia when they could be doing something useful like reproducing parts for obscure old Italian sedans I never will understand...

Posted by scott at 07:31 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 18, 2009
Just Brilliant!

Mark gets a magnificently tacky no-prize for bringing us the people of Wal-Mart. Finally a real use for a cell-phone camera! All this time I thought the selection of weirdos at the local Shoppers was colorful. I had no idea.

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But Wait! There's More!

What? Doesn't everyone want to stick a naked infant in a net and hang it out the window? Just because they make a nifty picture does not mean they make life easier.

Posted by scott at 06:49 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
September 17, 2009
Bah. In MY Day...

I guess "inappropriate" is in the eye of the beholder. Are some of these toys weird? Yes. Are they tacky? Yes. Are they from cultures different from ours? Yes. When I was a kid, parents got lists of toys that would kill you. Good times, good times...

Posted by scott at 05:56 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
September 16, 2009
Before n' After

Turns out that, no matter how glamorous an adult may be, when they're teenagers, they're just as dorky as you and me. Well, except for Ryan Seacrest, who was downright unrecognizable.

Posted by scott at 06:42 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
September 15, 2009
I. Love. This. SHOW!!!

Posted by scott at 09:03 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
September 14, 2009
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH

Ok, it took me a little bit to get it, but I'm sure you'll figure it out a lot faster.

Posted by scott at 06:45 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 12, 2009
And Now For A Funny...

19 ways of being creative with handwritten signs.

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September 11, 2009
Talk About Your Delusions of Grandeur

Four words: Animals with Light sabers. Ellen will be deeply disappointed there aren't any parrots. But there are cats aplenty!

Posted by scott at 06:10 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 10, 2009
They Call This a Mystery?

Jeff gets a no-prize that belong to us for bringing us the "story" behind the latest custom Google logo. Alternate title: when numerology attacks!

Posted by scott at 03:35 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 09, 2009
That's Definitely not How I Remember it Going

Quick, before they correct it, check out the plot summary. It would've been a much better movie if they'd made it that way.

Posted by scott at 09:38 PM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
September 06, 2009
OKayyyy...

Meh. It's your body, do what you want with it. I just reserve the right to laugh at the results. No nekkid people in the pictures, but a few of the tattoos are not something you'd want someone to see over your shoulder at work. But hey, it's Sunday, knock yourself out!

Posted by scott at 07:54 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 01, 2009
Ah, to be Young Again

For a long time caffeinated drinks didn't do much for me. Then a few years ago something in my body chemistry changed and they started doing a LOT for me. Then the ol' bod changed again and I started to get frightening, but turns out otherwise harmless, heart palpitations. So I'll just have to admire this guy's experiment from afar. I seem to recall college friend Bobby tried things like this for the f- of it back in the day. Nowadays, maybe not so much.

Posted by scott at 01:40 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 31, 2009
~ Said it Once Before but it Bears Repeating ~

This one's for NASA-employed friend Kevin: "India loses contact with an unmanned spacecraft conducting its first moon mission. Support techs ask Mission Control to confirm that the spacecraft is turned on and that it is currently plugged in"

From Fark's weekly "best of" thread.

Posted by scott at 04:06 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Uh.. I've Never Seen Bakers Like This... Ever.

Posted by Ellen at 07:51 AM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
August 28, 2009
~ Still Crazy, After all These Years ~
Posted by scott at 01:31 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 26, 2009
I Drank What?!?

Finally, a consumer's union that reviews things we need to find out about. You know, like how good various kinds of cheap booze are. I'm way too old for that sort of foolishness nowadays. Come to think of it, I was way too old back in the day. Some of my old college buddies, maybe not so much.

Posted by scott at 06:33 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 24, 2009
Geek Critique

I think I can honestly say I had this conversation with just about all my college buddies at one time or another. That, and just what it was that made a thermal detonator, well, tick. Oh don't worry, we all eventually got lives. Of a sort.

Posted by scott at 06:54 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
August 21, 2009
How Joshua Missed This I Never will Know

"AMCG," we hear you ask, "that wonderful preacher with the tent came by my town and ensured I was ready for The Rapture. My soul is clean with minty freshness, and his ability to guide us through judgment is ensured by my large donation. We've known Fluffy the Cat was going to hell since she crapped in my new shoes. But what about Skipper? He's such a sweet dog!"

Fear not, friendly fundie, AMCG is here to help! Presenting Eternal Earthbound Pets, a service which promises to, for a modest fee, provide an atheist to care for your pet once you have been taken up to your ultimate reward. Act now! The spelled-in-reverse bone-gnawing deity you save could be your own!

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 19, 2009
Just for Fun... FAIL!
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Ok, 51 Really Stings

The new Beloit College Mindset List, which details things incoming freshmen have "never" and "always" known, has been revised again. #64 took me a few seconds to get my head around, since I've bought a CD in a cardboard case in the past year. Then I remembered what they really once were like.

Posted by scott at 06:41 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
A Group Ride, for the Rest of Us

Leave it to the Germans to combine fitness with its opposite. If any of us who regularly do a group ride on the weekend had one of these, I think it'd be a whole lot easier to get extra people to come out, eh?

Posted by scott at 06:32 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
August 18, 2009
Can I Get a, "DUH?!?" From the Audience?

"Ric Romero here, reporting live from Britain. Scientists have detected a link between UFO sightings and UFO depictions in the popular media." What I think is interesting is how similar stories of mysterious flying objects were reported in the 19th century, except there the craft were depicted as giant boat-like machines attached to balloons. There's definitely something going on, but I think it has more to do with the space between our ears than it does the space above our heads.

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” -- Calvin.

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I'm Sure This Will End Well
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August 17, 2009
I Guess There's a List for Everything

Normally Cracked's various lists are, to me anyway, a little lame, but this "5 creepiest sex scenes in comics" was fun anyway, because I remember reading the issue which held their #2 (as it were) entry. I don't recall being disturbed by it, I just thought it was kinda weird. Being, as I recall, 13, I was much more interested in the improbable proportions of the tightly costumed super-ladies. The stories were just excuses to get them to move around.

Dude. I was 13, in a small Arkansas town, before internet pr0n. Of course I was desperate!

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August 13, 2009
Maybe Downhill, in a Hurricane

Speaking of delusions of grandeur:

1972 Alfa Romeo Spider, in fair shape [...] runs great and with this engine the top end is over 200 mph!

The mind boggles...

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August 09, 2009
Amy G

Fun with kazoos!

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August 07, 2009
Amber? Is That You? II

There's camping, and then there's camping. Driving tourism dollars to a small North West town is all well and good, but did it have to involve sparkly vampires?!?

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August 04, 2009
When Librarians Attack

Well, maybe not attack, but certainly march. Annie gets a no-prize that's entertaining but no threat to DCI for bringing us proof that even the lady who shushes you has a sense of humor.

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August 01, 2009
Morrr... Rythmmm...

He... He... he sees white people!!!

I'm not completely sure what the point is, other than it's funny. And it'll likely offend a few of the folks on the left side of the peanut gallery. If it does, my work will be complete.

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July 31, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on.
Knight, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: "You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong."
Knight turned the machine off and on.
The machine worked.

Maybe Ellen will get it this time...

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And This is Bad BeeeCUZZZ?

Two words: dissolving bikini. Of course, this is predicated on someone who SHOULD wear a bikini, instead of someone who WANTS to wear one. The former is, after all, only a subset of the latter.

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July 30, 2009
This Pretty Much Explains Me, and Every Other Guy I Know

Both of The Grammas are sighing and shaking their heads.

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Musical Interlude

Bonus: a demonstration of a record changer!

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And Now, Your Moment of Zen

Next up, Women with flower pots on their heads. No, really! Don't worry, all will be made right just two picture-clicks to the, well, right.

Oink Oink Oink.

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Well, No Damned Wonder He's so Hard to Find

Having driven around our nation's capital many times, I can think of no other, better, place for our current boogey-man to reside. I guess he road-trips down to Bailey's when he needs to go to Home Depot, eh?

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Well that's... Unfortunate...

As noted on Fark, some articles just can't be improved. You'd think someone would've explained it to them before they went to press. Either that or there's a headline writer in a lot of trouble this morning.

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July 29, 2009
Ok, that's Just Silly

All right, who let Beavis and Butthead play around with the molecular chemistry gear? Or is this absolute proof God exists, and has a sense of humor? Perhaps God is Beavis and Butthead? The mind boggles...

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WHEEE!

Today's, "vehicle goes swimming incident" is brought to you by Aloha (no, really) Oregon. One look at the truck makes me think they'll need to drain the water twice to get that pool clean.

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July 28, 2009
bOOOOOObz!!!

For Ron.

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Storm Surge

What happens when you combine Hawaii-sized surf with New Jersey-skilled surfers? Well, you get this. Wide World of Sports, they ain't.

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July 24, 2009
Talk Talk

Oh, I know, I know, he'll lose 90% of you the second he says anything nice about Bush. But it takes about 40% of the program before that happens, and in the meantime you can thrill, as did I, to someone quite calmly saying in public that Obama is full of crap. I mean, really, it has been so very long since I've seen anything remotely critical of our current president it literally took my breath away to see it on what looks just enough like a TV to count.

Why, thank you for this sign. But you see, I'm afraid you've made a mistake, my name isn't, "Mr. N. Eeds Togetoutmore." Not even close.

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That Didn't Work Out So Well

Leave it to Fark to dredge up what Ebony magazine thought, in 1985, what Micheal Jackson would look like in 2000. The headline used there was quite appropriate: "1985 Ebony Magazine prediction of what Michael Jackson would look like in the year 2000. Billy Dee Williams stands up in protest and kills a Colt 45".

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July 23, 2009
Look! Look! He's Got a Spider in the Garage!

I swear. I swear. The very first thing I noticed about this particular ad was the Spider in the garage. My story. Sticking to it.

And that garage? Oh, that garage...

reallywantraccoonpd7yx3.jpg
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July 21, 2009
Moon Landing, Back to the Future

Personally, I think the twitter posts were the best.

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When Quirky Germans Attack

The British are famous for their love of the garden variety eccentric. The Germans, being who they are, won't be happy unless their eccentrics are doing something complicated, with a lot of engineering involved. With pictures!

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July 17, 2009
You've Gotta be Kidding Me

Guess what the second choice you get on a Google search for, "tell me something silly" is.

Wrong. (SFW!)

Because my brain is smoking from implementing my very first honest-to-god state machine, and this particular system has 22 different states. And counting. That's why.

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July 16, 2009
An Encylopedia, for the Rest of Us

Sure it's a one-gag joke, but it's a funny one gag joke. Especially if you're one of our friends, to whom a wookie tag has been stuck firmly.

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July 15, 2009
I Think it's Cos of the Waffles

So, since there are no nearby Waffle House restaurants (Waffle Houses?), I guess we won't get our fair share of weirdness? Meh. This is N. Virginia. You know, the place where you can have a North, South, East, and West version of a street all meeting at a corner? We got our weirdness built-in.

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Coming to a Vegas Casino Near You

Just when you thought you'd seen it all, now they've discovered Michael Jackson's face in a branch stump. As in "sawed a branch off the tree" stump. I do hereby proclaim that media's period of exploiting mourning the King of Pop to be over. Either that, or it's all jumped the shark. Probably both.

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July 13, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

ATT00062.jpg

Mark gets an accessorized no-prize for bringing us this ultimate demonstration of coolness.

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July 12, 2009
And That, Friends, is How Amber Became a Widow

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July 11, 2009
Now That's a Prank

The concept is almost certainly Japanese, but the execution? The execution is almost certainly European. NSFW! Want to see my wife's reaction? Fast forward to the 48 second mark.

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My Wife, Let Me Show You Her...

Cute chick trying to be polite: check.

Self-same chick doing their level best to P-R-O-V-I-D-E the answer: check

Watching someone who desperately wants to make fun of the idiot and can't quite stop themselves: Check

Really, this is what Ellen deals with on a daily basis.

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Clitter!

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Car of the Future

J. Pena gets a union-endorsed no-prize for bringing us this literal "shape of things to come."

Actually, I'll be surprised if cars are even this much fun after the greens and the progressives that infest the current Congress are through with them. Meh, what do I care? The newest car I own is nearly ten years old.

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July 09, 2009
Well there You Go Then

Not a single Alfa in the bunch!

What's that?

You say Alfa didn't import enough to even register on the meter?

Philistine.

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July 06, 2009
Moms Who Drink and Swear

I really did not believe this site exist, but it does!

Hello bitches. Welcome to reality. Real moms get frustrated and say things that they regret. Real moms often have no time to shower, rarely get to take a dump alone and need other real moms to lean on. No judgement here, just over the top stories, rants and good drink ideas.

Moms who drink and swear is about reality. There are days when I see some mom all dolled up in the grocery store and I just want to ask her how the hell she pulls it off. I'm usually in my pajamas dragging my whining kids along, yelling , "I SAID NO ! "over and over. I have survived motherhood for the past nine years by leaning on the real moms who convinced me that having a kid (or two) was a good idea. You were right!

This is not a site for the humorless or serious type mom.

Just awesome... LOL!

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July 03, 2009
What... the... F---?!?

Neither one of us has any idea what, exactly, to make of this.

Except that, you know, he's a bad dog, and stuff...

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Dude. Wait, What? (BOING!!!)

Lisa R. gets the coveted Jeff Spicoli no-prize for bringing us news of a rather surprising discovery about who, exactly, is making crop circles "down undah." Beats eating Vegemite!

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July 02, 2009
Well This Explains Everything

I'd already decided to wait for the next Transformers movie to come out on video just because it's polling 25% on Rotten. This Transformers "FAQ" just seals the deal. Oh, and Ellen had been calling them "the racist twins" for weeks.

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July 01, 2009
Don't Stop Me Now

Yeah, it's dumb, but it's the very first not-quite-official-maybe advertisement for US Alfa Romeos! And the car's pretty neat looking too!

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He Got Better

Jeff Goldblum, as you all will by now know, is dead. How can I be so sure? Just ask him!

The best part is all the footage from Today New Zealand.

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June 30, 2009
Git 'er Done!

Presenting There, I Fixed It, a one-stop-shop for every ad-hoc fix ever imagined. Some are ingenious, most are tacky, and a few are downright terrifying. Suddenly that bailing wire fix we temporarily implemented on the Milano, well, it don't look so bad.

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June 29, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

Liberal_Brain.jpg

Mean-spirited? Simplistic? Nasty? Moi?!?

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June 26, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

Thing is, I absolutely remember this jingle, and I think I remember this ad. Gotta love those hats!

And I only wish I could've seen this one. Just because, you know, we don't have Carl's Jr.'s around here, eh?

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June 25, 2009
Ok, I'm Pretty Sure that's Bad

It would seem getting a big boat in the water is a lot harder than it looks. Failing to do it right would seem to have much worse consequences as well.

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June 23, 2009
Just Say No

I have no real idea what to make of this, other than it took me getting about half way down the list to realize it the author was a dude and not a chick. No pictures of dudes anywhere, seems like an honest mistake. Made it less interesting, but only a little. I never did subscribe to the shotgun method of dating.

I recognize a few of the other bits on the site, so this is all probably old news to everyone else. Still, since I'd never heard of it before nobody really important had ever heard of it, so there ya go.

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June 22, 2009
Find that Phone!

I'm not sure which is sillier, the fact that the skinny white guy went to the ghetto to find his phone, or the fact that he treats his phone like a pet. Ellen doesn't treat hers like a pet. When she lost her phone, what I saw looked more like a junkie who just realized their best dealer had gone to jail forever. It was about as pretty as you'd expect that to be.

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~ Keep Spendin' Most our Lives / Livin' in a Wanksta Paradise ~

You know it's just not possible for us to ignore a site called "wiggaz.com". Making fun of media-manufactured sub-culture that's unintentionally making fun of itself and another media manufactured sub-culture? Oh hell yes!

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June 19, 2009
Truth in Labeling

Ya know, I think there may be something to this. Ron making a comment about how superior his poofta drinks are in 3... 2... 1...

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Now That's a Party

Sometimes there's just no improving on the lede:

A man was arrested near Victoria, B.C., after police found him unconscious in the driver's seat of a car with a naked woman unconscious in the passenger seat.

But wait! There's more!

Saanich police Sgt. John Price said officers found marijuana, heroin, crystal meth and GHB inside the car.

Yee-haw!

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June 17, 2009
Another Italian Car Moment

This is just so classic:

First the radio getting swiped now this. So I started it up yesterday and was letting it warm a bit before driving out of my garage and I absent-mindedly pushed in the lighter. What happened defied all logic and belief! All the idiot lights lit up momentarily, I think a warning chime sounded, the voltage gauge dropped to zero and the car shut right off, dead, no more idiot lights. I've checked every single fuse and relay and they all seem fine. The interior lights still work, headlights work, you turn the key and no idiot lights light up and it will crank but not fire...

I can't help but think a ground has gotten bodged up by the theft of his stereo, but that's just a guess. Sometimes having a simple car with a cheap radio is a good thing!

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INK FAIL!
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Shoo Fly!

No Prize to Christine for the link!

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June 16, 2009
YO YO YO YO YO... BAWLLSTON IN DA HAYOUSE!!

I've been to each and every one of the locations of this video. I drive by most of them pretty much every day. They didn't quite catch my workplace in one scene, but they came close

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June 15, 2009
My Wife, Let Me Show You Her...

It's even worse when she loses her phone. The shaking is what scares me the most.

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When... Colorful People... Attack

Oh who cares... if they want to have a whole day dedicated to dressing up like aliens, let 'em. I just wish some of them would do a better job with the makeup.

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June 12, 2009
Wait... There was a Car?

I'll bet your favorite car doesn't have trashy Eastern European dancers flouncing all over it! It's always a good sign when the dancer's eyes have that thousand-yard stare. The sad thing is there are a lot of guys out there who wouldn't care.

You know, like me.

Oink oink oink...

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June 11, 2009
Now That's Dedication
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June 09, 2009
~ Questions, We Get Your Questions / We Get Your Questions Everyday ~

Personally, I find the question about the smoking vagina the most intriguing. I'm not completely sure why.

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June 08, 2009
His name is What?

Ron gets a no-prize that'll make an engraver's day for bringing us this collection of married names that really shouldn't be hyphenated. Some of them are so incredible I have a hard time taking them seriously. Then again, a rose by any other name...

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When the Past Attacks

That hangover may only last a day, but those pictures? Those pictures will last forever. The sad thing is that shots from the 80s now qualify as quaint and funny.

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June 07, 2009
It Came... From... The 80s

There are no words for how awesome this is. When my daughter asks me what it was really like to grow up in the 80s, I'll just show her this. Then she'll really be confused.

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It's BAAACK!!!

Get it while you can: Top Gear's Alfa Romeo Challenge is once again available.

SEE

Amazing race action!

SEE

Expert restoration artists bring these cars to a whole new level of character!

SEE

A kaopectate-green Milano compete in a concours with a Spider who's water pump consists of a barrel of water and a hand crank!

RUN, DO NOT WALK, TO YOUR NEAREST YOUTUBE-CAPABLE COMPUTER!

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June 06, 2009
MY EYES!!!

633728094018111460-boobjob.jpg

More here.

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June 05, 2009
The Best Re-Do Evar!

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Your Thought for the Day

The manuscript is for-real. Me, I think it's a concrete example of a time traveler's artifact, aging in reverse.

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When Roommates Attack

Why I haven't thought to do this to Ellen, I don't know. Oh yeah, wait, I do know. Because I like breathing.

However, there was the time Ellen was downstairs breaking using my computer because she'd broken hers. Friend Mark had sent her one of those "shrieking surprise" e-mails with the note "be sure to turn it up and listen closely, it's really hard to hear the ghost in the background." Which she did, on my 600 watt 5.1 Klipsch speaker rig.

So imagine me sitting quietly upstairs, reading a magazine. Suddenly, all the furniture bounces 2" into the air, and the tail-end of a scream can be heard in the background. Surprisingly, Mark is still above ground. I, on the other hand, was in deep trouble because I should've known she was going to turn the volume up on that @#$%'ing lunatic speaker set of mine and how in the world does a normal person end up with something that can play sounds that loud and...

Ah, the bliss of married life.

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June 04, 2009
Only in California

Those who claim Californians don't have a lick of sense have just been proven slightly wrong:

On May 21, a judge of the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California dismissed a complaint filed by a woman who said she had purchased "Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries" because she believed "crunchberries" were real fruit. The plaintiff, Janine Sugawara, alleged that she had only recently learned to her dismay that said "berries" were in fact simply brightly-colored cereal balls, and that although the product did contain some strawberry fruit concentrate, it was not otherwise redeemed by fruit. She sued, on behalf of herself and all similarly situated consumers who also apparently believed that there are fields somewhere in our land thronged by crunchberry bushes.

This sudden outbreak of common sense simply cannot last. Quick! Someone call the Octo-Mom!

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June 03, 2009
Ouch!!!

I'm not sure what's funnier: the college kid getting bulls-eyed with a pan handle, the way his female colleague reacts, or the oh-so-serious caption text on the right. Regardless, there's plenty of chuckles to go around. If only there'd been sound. Explain this one to the OSHA guy.

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Dance Like Nobody's Watching...

... and sometimes, just sometimes, the world may start dancing with you.

I'm rapidly reaching the age at which I could care less what the rest of the world thinks I look or act like. I'm not sure I'm this far gone yet. Probably take Olivia becoming a teenager before that happens.

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June 02, 2009
That'd Be Just My Luck...

... a pet would find Ellen. Happens more than you think. I never will forget how, on our honeymoon, an entire resort's worth of stray cats found their way over to where she was sitting. And that was before they figured out she was their buffet waitress for the rest of the week.

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June 01, 2009
Ikko Who?

Az recently had a bit of a surreal encounter:

So I tell my wife that IKKO just totally checked me out...and her response is unexpected to say the least. Somehow, this elates her. She immediately jumps on her cell phone to start informing her friends and family that her husband just caught IKKO's eye. ...And as an aside, how would you even react to that? You're sitting at home watching TV, and you get a text from your friend - "Hey, this famous cross-dresser just checked out my husband!" ...Um...OK? Would you care for a delicious Hot Pocket?

No, I didn't know who Ikko was either. Even after I watched the video I still don't know.

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When Asses Attack

Making the rounds: It just ain't easy, being a humorless homophobe in Hollywood. They wanted a reaction, and they definitely got one. Meh, I don't feel too bad for him, considering he probably drove to his Malibu home in his Lamborghini.

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May 29, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

There's a reason some bicyclists are fascinated with gear...

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May 22, 2009
Weapon Fun

Cracked, in its own inimitable way, is featuring this look at "7 WTF Military weapons". Being an armchair student of all things various armies have attempted over, well, all of detectable history I suppose, I'm not at all surprised things like this got built. I'm actually rather surprised that any of them survived.

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May 14, 2009
When Gypsies Attack

No, really, when gypsies attack:

A group of travellers wrecked a multi-million pound police helicopter which was being used to spy on their site.

The gang used axes to smash the £5million aircraft, after they leapt over a 4ft wall surrounding Surrey Police force’s helipad at Fairoaks airport, near Woking in Surrey.

Mickey O'Neil unavailable for comment...

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May 13, 2009
When Photographers Attack

Me, I always thought the whole point of stilted family photographs was to make people look silly. That, and provide a straightforward gift for the relatives. People change, fashions change, why not chronicle it?

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May 10, 2009
Meh. It'll Buff Out

Funny because nobody got hurt: big rocket turns into giant lawn dart. If one of your hobbies is not actively dangerous, you're not a Real Guy.

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May 09, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

4141_80708003517_725488517_1629106_7668340_n.jpg
Posted by scott at 01:25 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
May 08, 2009
How Many Ways Can We Embarass Him?

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May 07, 2009
Appearances are Deceiving

So, can you pick the perp? Best I could do was exactly 1 in a row, and I gave up after about ten tries. Then again, I'm not known as the most perceptive person in the world. I'm sure you'll do better!

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May 06, 2009
Bang-on Eggs

Mark gets a novelty no-prize for bringing us the perfect gift for the breakfast- and gun-lover in your life. Only problem I see is that it appears to be made out of hard metal, which is a big no-no when dealing with no-stick surfaces.

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May 05, 2009
Now, Now, Be Nice...


Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

Hey... I'm only disappointed if it's accessible. I have a hard enough time with comprehension as it is.

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May 04, 2009
Ah Geeze, not This S--- Again

Another day, another UK couple having a novelty wedding. Don't laugh, Suzanne. If Richie ever gets married you may end up wearing danishes on your head, too.

I kid! I kid!

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April 30, 2009
Have at You!

Osprey: 1, Power company: 0. There's cooked fish, and then there's cooked fish.

I know there's a "Knights who say 'Nee!'" joke in there somewhere, I just couldn't tease it out.

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April 29, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

bananabuttsecks.jpg

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Darts, for the Rest of Us

Ok, that tears it. Top Gear has got it all over Motorweek Illustrated. Will this be what causes us to modernize our TV cable package? We'll see...

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Remember, Thou Art Mortal

Another day, another REMF in a new presidential administration learns the hard way that there are important differences between themselves and king's ministers. "Because I say so, and keep it quiet" always bites them on the rear, eventually, even in an administration as popular as this one.

Bureaucracies being what they are, it's doubtful we'll ever know who was directly responsible for this mini-debacle.

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April 28, 2009
Best. Headline. Evar

99% of the time, Fark headlines are amusing fluff, of no concern or memory. But sometimes, they're different: Obama secretly tested for swine flu after man he shook hands with in Mexico drops dead the next day. Officials concerned because Obama's touch usually heals.

To nobody's surprise, it was instantly scored as "Fascist" on their rate-o-meter.

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April 27, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

pacerad800 copy.jpg

I have absolutely no idea what to make of this...

Posted by scott at 09:39 AM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
April 24, 2009
News You Can Use

This just in: Ferraris are faster than police cruisers. Later tonight, water's wetness: a natural fact, or a danger to our children's lives? After that, we'll explore the discovery of the sky being blue, and how it may threaten your family, your mortgage, even your entire way of life!

Posted by scott at 01:38 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
April 23, 2009
Helllooooo Nurse!

I knew Google's maps could be useful, but I had no idea it'd be this useful.

Oink Oink Oink...

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LolWhut???

Well, why not dress up as Shrek and Fiona for your wedding? Their parents must be much more liberal-minded than ours are about such things.

3... 2... 1...

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April 21, 2009
Lotsa Money!

Mark gets a candy bar no-prize for bringing us news that you too can be a trillionaire. Or, perhaps, you could. It would seem Zimbabwe has fiddled with its currency again, making trillion dollar notes worth about $10. At the rate their socialist paradise is going, that should delay the next trillion dollar issue for, what, six months or so?

Coming to an Obama administration near you!

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April 17, 2009
Postmodern Titles

There's nothing quite like politically-correct leftism for bringing out the satire in someone. I especially liked this one: STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.

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April 16, 2009
I Shall Call it, "Comrade Redneckski"

I'm not sure what's more fun, this (IMO) well-done art car based on an old Camaro, or the sniveling "you know, that won't work as an armored car because..." replies about it on Fark. All together now... NERDS!!!

Posted by scott at 03:36 PM | Comments (4) | eMail this entry!
April 13, 2009
Well, at Least They Won't be Accused of False Advertising

You'd think someone would notice that when a certain dress fell a certain way, well, it implied a certain thing. Yet another thing to put on my "stuff that will give dad gray hair" list.

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April 07, 2009
Rocked to Death

Well, if nothing else, this retrospective on "then and now" metal bands of the 80s shows that women aren't the only ones who get a nip and tuck now and then. They have better surgeons than the chicks do!

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Stop the Madness!

While bacon in a bottle sounds like a good idea, the photos don't look all that appetizing. Then again, neither does 90% of the other stuff out there that people insist is good even though it looks like 3 day-old roadkill. At least this stuff won't move on my plate or poison me.

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April 06, 2009
Oh Dear...

Only men do this.Well, ugly chicks too.

It's a surprise. You have to click the link.

Sad thing is that some of you will think it's cool.

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April 03, 2009
Mom? Is that You?

Be afraid. Be... slightly... afraid:

Eileen Bishop, [87], from Perranporth [UK], and her husband Anthony were on their way to church when, he said, she "disappeared off the radar".

Think of it as the OJ chase, but much slower.

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You! Back! Back to the 80s!

There's toys, and then there's 80s toys. No that there's anything wrong with "The Oozinator."

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April 02, 2009
When GPS Attacks

Mark gets a no-prize that'll lead him wrong for bringing us yet another story of a person following GPS to their not-quite doom. Now, there have been a few times that on-line directions have lead me astray, but that tended to be more "wrong place in town" than "wrong place on frozen tundra." You'd think that, after the turn down the dirt road, the lady would've figured something was wrong.

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Okay, wich onea you'z da u-boat captain?

There's washing an expensive car, and then there's washing an expensive car.

The advantage to owning a car like the spider is it would just need to be hung out to dry for a few days, get all the fluids changed, new seats, and a new battery. It'd probably start right up after that. The advantages of vinyl upholstery!

Driving either of the other cars into a river? Nope, that's a totaling. A super-expensive brand-new Bently? Fuggedaboutit...

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April 01, 2009
Only Bollywood...

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Ain't that Just Like a Pirate...

... bringin' a speedboat to a milspec fight:

Seven Somali pirates chose the wrong target the other day: it was not the harmless oil-tanker they thought it was but the German navy's fuel tanker FGS Spessart, part of the European anti-piracy fleet Eunavfor sailing in the Gulf of Aden about 85 miles north of the Somali port of Bosaso.

This would seem to indicate that sting-like operations, where various tramp steamers are in fact stuffed with heavily armed soldiers, would be productive.

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March 31, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

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You know, now that you mention it, I don't recall seeing Ron or Amber lately. Didn't they go hiking in Florida last week?

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When Nerds Attack

What happens when you give a bunch of nerdy engineers access to powerful electrical equipment? Oh, pretty much what you'd expect:

As with most of their type, it takes forever for them to get to the point, but the result was enough to make me smile.

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March 30, 2009
Gotta Clean 'em Somehow

So, is it a dairy barn, or a car wash? "Cow wash" seems more appropriate. When staying clean and happy are a key to production, modern farming can be quite humane indeed.

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March 27, 2009
Speaking of Italian Stuff...

Your thought for the day:

Even the worst Italian town is prettier than anywhere in Germany. Take a stroll through somewhere nice, like Cremona, and you'll be greeted by fine wine, God's own architecture, and beautiful women who shave their armpits. You'll probably crash your car and the hotel's air-con won't work, but you'll love every minute.

Is there anything about that place that isn't beautiful, fun, and broken for stretches at a time?

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Bye-Bye Marlin

Welcome to the world of little-girl raising. Olivia gets just as mad when we laugh at inappropriate moments.

All our fish are too big for the porcelain funeral procession... they end up out in the garden with all the other dead critters.

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March 25, 2009
You Did What To It?!?

Nothing like a ridiculous car mod or two to brighten your morning, eh? Ron's characteristic "ahhuuah?" expression in 3... 2... 1...

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March 24, 2009
I Has a Fashion

For what better purpose can a website be used, I must ask, than posting pictures of pets in wigs? Hey, can't be any worse than 90% of Facebook!

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March 23, 2009
You Did What To It?

Ron gets a no-prize with some really... remarkable... welds for bringing us this collection of DIY car modifications. I do have one slight quibble, to wit: several of these cars are pretty obviously pure race vehicles of one sort or another, so placing things in ugly or weird spots is actually to be expected. That still doesn't forgive placing two turbochargers just below the rear seat upholstery.

Posted by scott at 01:43 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
March 21, 2009
Best. Mash-Up. Evar

CATURDAYTAPESTRY.jpg
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March 20, 2009
A Beer Label, for the Rest of Us

New invention: Ink that changes color with temperature.

US reaction: Let's use it on beer labels so guys can see when it's cold.

Australian reaction: Let's use it on beer labels so guys can see a naked chick.

Aussie Aussie OI OI OI!

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March 18, 2009
I Shall Call Them, "Mini Moo"

Nothing like a 2 foot-tall cow to brighten your day.

Ok, everyone all together now... no, Ellen, you can't have one.

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March 17, 2009
That's not Very Nice

Mark gets a tacky no-prize for bringing us this "newly discovered" footage of the octo-mom giving birth. That doctor has a pretty mean swing, I tell ya...

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March 14, 2009
BUWHAAHAHAH!!

birth-control-demotivational-poster.jpg
Posted by Ellen at 11:21 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
March 13, 2009
I C U!

I guess this slide-show of "highlights" of Google's Street View provide even more proof for the axiom: "If you take enough pictures, you'll eventually catch the strangest behavior." I wonder how much they pay the people to image places like South Central LA?

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March 12, 2009
Gimmeh!

That would be Birds: 12, Beach-Goers: 0. I'm as impressed with the photographer as I am with the birds. Then again, if it happens often enough, anything is easy to catch on film.

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March 10, 2009
Wait... There was a Reactor?

What better way to rehabilitate your industry than to have a "Miss Nuclear Reactor" contest? Did I mention the industry was the one that runs Russia's nuclear plants? Well, there, I did.

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March 09, 2009
Well, When You Put it that Way

You have to zoom in a bit, but this pencil cartoon of a "simple history of WWII" made me giggle. Then again, I am easily amused.

Ok, that whole "faked shock" look? Yeah, wearing real thin nowadays.

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March 06, 2009
Now That's a Party!

Ok, it's not the breaking into the bar, or stealing the booze, that puzzles me. It's the getting naked part that's just a wee strange.

Lisa R. gets a no-prize that really should stay covered up for bringing us yet another entertaining example of proof that the US has no corner on eccentric criminals.

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March 05, 2009
Danged Chicks...

Really, honey, I was just trying to take pictures of the cars! They even ruined the picture of the Alfa!

The trick, of course, would be sticking to that story in the face of a small angry Italian wielding a large, heavy frying pan. Teflon here I come!

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March 03, 2009
Challenge Away!!!

Never... NEVER let it be said I do not have a sense of humor about my automotive obsession. If I did not have the ability to laugh at the cross-and-serpent's foibles and flaws, I ask you, would I have found the Top Gear Alfa Romeo Challenge such a scream?

The premise? Take a marque absolutely notorious for rewarding a kind, attentive hand both at the tiller and at the wrench, and pick three off the bottom of the heap. It gets better! Put these three rickety basket cases in the charge of a trio of bumper-car rejects. The result? Well, dear reader, the result was enough to quite handily separate those Alfisti who love their cars warts and all, and those who had rose-colored glasses tightly riveted to their temples. I'm surprised the three principles didn't require bodyguards at the end.

Still, their affection for the marque, especially Jeremy's, can't be hidden. And, really, the only cars you could get away with mistreating this way simply aren't as much fun to drive.

So, kick back, relax, and watch three yobs attempt to "prove" that Alfas that've never seen a kind pat on the hood in their life can still be absolutely thrilling to drive.

And you know what? They do.

And the Milano won!

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Your Thought for the Day

An oldie, but a goodie:

"Heaven is where the police are British, the Chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell, on the other hand, is where the police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, and its all organised by the Italians"

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Well, He's Better at it Than I Am

More funny videos from the "Heavy Movies" channel at Heavy.com

I actually thought this guy was lip-synching Weird Al, until the British accent started leaking through. Fast forward to the solo section... he's not that bad.

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March 01, 2009
Try it Again...
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February 28, 2009
Well, This Should Shut You all Up...

I need help? I need help?!? I don't need help... this guy needs help. Even I have to draw the line somewhere, and having a coffee table that leaks oil on my floor is somewhere on the far side of it.

Still, that wall decoration wouldn't look any worse than what Ellen has up. Probably improve it. Hmm...

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February 27, 2009
Your BEMs are Here

Looking for ET? AMCGLTD is here to help! I'm not surprised the area off San Diego is a "hotspot." I am a little puzzled why Chicago should have so many damned sightings. Maybe ET likes deep-dish?

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Wha'd I Do?

Little octopus: 1, aquarium staff: 0:

Staff at the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium in California say the trickster who flooded their offices with sea water was armed. Eight-armed, to be exact.

Damned clever, yer garden variety octopus. No, Ellen, you can't have one.

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February 26, 2009
A T-Shirt, for the Rest of Us

free tibet.jpg

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You... You Think You Have Problems

Nothing like finding out your girlfriend of 7 years has been a prostitute all this time to start the day. Since it is the 21st century, they do of course have children.

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February 24, 2009
Gotta Start Somewhere

Mark gets a pink triangle no-prize for bringing us clips from some new reality show called, "Gay Army". The DI is speaking English, and I think the recruits are speaking German, so I don't know what network this is going out on. It's definitely going on my Tivo search. I don't know how legit it is, but it looks pretty funny.

It was my understanding all German males were conscripted from 18-21? Of course, that was 20 years ago, maybe the rules have changed...

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February 23, 2009
And, of Course, Thou Shalt Laugh

Ron gets a no-prize with some ears on it for bringing us an editorial cartoon sure to cause frowns on the left side of the peanut gallery.

Actually, I think I'm seeing the very slightest of cracks in the popular media monolith. Then again, that whole, "of course we were biased! We weren't reporting the news, we were telling a great story!!!" meme soured me so badly on the MSM I've been reduced to getting my news from Fark and Instapundit. Wtf do I know?

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Thankfully, "Get Off My Lawn" Promises to be Eternal

As with seemingly everything else they touch, boomers have turned the eternal fact that grandchildren sometimes have trouble understanding their grandparents into something self-centered and banal. It's not the words Olivia will have trouble with, it's the accent.

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February 18, 2009
When File Footage Attacks

What? Who cares if it's wrong? Does it fly? Go zoom-zoom? Looks weird? Run it, damn you, nobody'll notice

Just hang on to the 30 second mark, and then, well, hang on.

Via Ares.

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February 17, 2009
A List, for Someone

An Ohio website is helpfully providing advice on just what is and is not acceptable in the "personal license plate" realm. Ohio resident Ron, who gets endearingly literal when he gets an answer he doesn't like, should find the list of 1574 examples of bad resident! No biscuit! examples quite useful.

Virginia's custom plate law makes it pretty darned cheap to get one, so they're all over the place. They fussed at us when Ellen claimed "8bit me", but eventually, without explanation, gave in.

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February 16, 2009
AKA, "The Law of Unintended Consequences"

Today's graphic demonstration of "people who want to be seen naked are usually people who shouldn't be seen naked" is brought to you by Budweiser. Sort of. Viral video FTW!

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February 10, 2009
But Does His Mother Know?

Mark gets a glittery no-prize with bell bottoms on for bringing us rumors that the real ruler of Russia is a closet Abba fan. Because we all know how reliable a cover band looking for some free publicity is, eh?

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February 09, 2009
Best. Headline. Evar.

25 year old blind Oregon woman enjoys skydiving, says she knows when to pull the ripcord because the dog's leash goes slack.

From Fark, natch, linking up to this story.

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February 06, 2009
An Alarm Clock, for the Rest of Us

Now, there are practical issues galore, but personally I think an alarm clock that uses bacon for the wake up call is just a brilliant idea. Nothing like a little sizzle to get you started in the morning!

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February 04, 2009
~ Too Much Time on Her Hands ~

Well, if Ellen won't link them up I will...

The things one does for entertainment...

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February 03, 2009
Dude... Wait... Dude...

It'll be a lot worse when the painkillers wear off, kid. Drugs have come a long way since I had teeth pulled when I was that age, that's for sure.

And yes, Ellen, this is exactly how you acted on the way home from your wisdom teeth surgery.

Posted by scott at 03:58 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Mmm... Bacon...

Personally, I don't get the appeal of chocolate-covered bacon. Then again, I seem to be getting more food-sensitive lately. Why, just last night I made Ellen turn off her Weird Foods episode when the guy sawed an ear off a roast suckling pig, took a bite, then complained that it wasn't too bad but he wasn't very fond of the taste of the waxy build-up around the inside of the...

Gah... makes me green just thinking about it...

And, sorry folks, I'm not making that up.

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Aaag!!! My Eyes!!!

Mark gets the famous fig-leaf no-prize for bringing us news that Switzerland is having trouble with nekkid Germans hiking all over the countryside. You'd think that, after awhile at least, those backpack straps would start to chafe.

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January 30, 2009
Yeah, that's Pretty Close


Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Olivia's seen the first one several times, but the other two only once. I'm not sure she'd do a whole lot better. Of course, she's only five.

Interestingly, this tracks pretty well with other accounts from people who've heard about really famous events, but never actually sat down with someone and discussed them from end-to-end. The Koran's account of Jesus springs to mind.

No, no... I've already got a nerd sign to go around my neck too. Gee, aren't you being awfully helpful today?

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January 29, 2009
... and That's Why God Invented the Internet

Mark gets a no-prize in a plain paper bag for bringing us what I assume is another one of those independent viral commercials. Yes, kids, before the internet we had to walk up and buy porn at a newsstand just like it was Time magazine or something.

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January 27, 2009
No, No. You Don't Understand. We Need You To Go Green

Something tells me we won't see famous Hollywood-types implementing this stuff any time soon. Well, except maybe this one:

One of the most pressing threats facing our environment is rising income in Africa, Asia, and Latin America. A generation ago these proud little dark people were happily frolicking in the rain forest, foraging for organic foods amid the wonders of nature. Today, corrupted by wealth, they are demanding environmentally hazardous consumer goods like cars and air conditioning and malaria medicine. You can do your part to stop this dangerous consumerism trend by supporting environmentally progressive leaders like Hugo Chavez and Robert Mugabe, and their programs for sustainable low-impact ecolabor camps.

Seems they've been doing that sort of thing since at least 1917.

Posted by scott at 10:43 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 26, 2009
And We Thought the Vampire Hunters were Bad

Personally, I can't keep the players straight without a program:

The ‘row’ concerns a small breakaway group of druids (known to some as COBDO West) who’ve requested the museum release the remains so they can rebury them where they came from. King Arthur and mainstream COBDO want the same thing — but are upset that COBDO West have taken matters into their own hands. ‘COBDO West are just a joke — three men and a dog, without even the dog,’ splutters King Arthur. ‘I’ve got thousands of members in my Arthurian War Band all round the world and loads more in the UK. I could field hundreds of activists at the drop of a hat. Bunch of idiots.’

Not for nothing is south-central England considered the California of the UK. Over here, God lifted the East Coast up and gave it a hard shake, causing all the loose marbles to roll down Cali way. It would seem he did the same to Britain, only there grabbing the north end before giving it a shake.

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January 25, 2009
Bang Fail

The best part is, even though they totally trash these dudes and portray them as complete losers, these chicks still slept with them! Reminds me of a time long ago when friend Amber was trash-talking about (her) husband and friend Ron. He and I were both doing our nerdy, "you're-right-we're-wrong-we-suck" moping when suddenly out of my mouth jumped, "wait a goddamned minute... you married him!"

It was like she got hit between the eyes with a pole. When we've both been pushed out onto the porch of the rest home by our great grandchildren, it'll be a memory Ron and I will still chuckle over.

Posted by scott at 04:07 PM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
January 24, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

“Did you hear the one about how, after Barack Obama became president this week, he found out the economy was worse than he thought—so he had to lay off 17 journalists.” -- Bernard Goldberg.

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January 23, 2009
Who Gives a f- who Gives a s-

Seems the American Idol producers are not above throwing in a ringer or two just to make things interesting. Considering the amount of money that sloshes out of this show, it wouldn't surprise me one bit if the person "exposing" this "travesty" is on the payroll to drum up more publicity.

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January 22, 2009
I Think He Missed a Step

Remember, folks, wheels that pop off are only fun on toys. I've done something like this not once, but twice. The first time I forgot to tighten the lug nuts on a front wheel, which "did in" my original silver Spider back in 1996. $750 worth of frame damage = Great Parts Bin in the Sky. Best thing that ever happened to that rust bucket. I can only imagine the damage when all 4 come loose at once.

The second time was a back wheel on our present (much much nicer) Spider, back in 2004. Fortunately, all it did was rattle; it didn't come loose, and I have no idea why. On that day, when I got back and discovered what happened, God and I called it even, and we've stayed that way ever since.

And now I have helpers who always ask me if I've tightened the lug nuts BEFORE I drive away after a project.

Posted by scott at 03:31 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Change is as Change Does

I told you the media are like a pack of fans that doesn't care which side wins. They're only rooting against the team with the ball.

The Obama administration is in for a rough first year.

Contradicting myself? Me? Listen up folks, one cannot contradict one's self when one is able the change the rules at any time. Learned that from my wife, I did.

And, of course, the mainstream media.

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Wait... There was a Car?

At least this time you don't want to head for the eye bleach after seeing the "model". I'd say "some day we could do that with one of our cars," but I'm pretty sure Ellen plans on being buried with BOTH of hers, and (as noted previously) I'm not allowed to sell the Spider.

Hey, we should all have problems like that, eh?

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January 21, 2009
Paging Bart and Lisa, White Courtesy Phone Please

I'm actually a little surprised it's taken this long for phony phone call pages to surface on the internet. Such things have been knocking around for ages, including the calls to Louis "Red" Deutsch which inspired the Simpsons. I've just never heard of them hitting something as big as an airport before.

Ron gets a no-prize that'll giggle inanely at the touch of a button for bringing us this very large scale example of the ultimate phone annoyance.

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January 15, 2009
When Architects Attack

Little surprise that most of these architectural "horrors" are located in formerly communist countries. "Real and actual" socialism, like its less scary-sounding brothers liberalism and progressivism, always looks better on paper than it ever can in reality. Hope and change, people, hope and change!

Via Violins and Starships.

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January 14, 2009
Your Thought for the Day
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January 13, 2009
Those Droids Sure do Get Around

Looks like the Fx guys working the last Indiana Jones movie got a little bored at one point. Olivia was downright offended when she saw a tiny R2D2 model stuck to the side of the Close Encounters mothership model. "He'll fall off!" she kept saying.

Via Violins and Starships

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January 11, 2009
Remind Me Again, Why I Want to Move to New York?

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January 08, 2009
I No Can Brain Today

I haz teh dum.

There's nothing quite like the enthusiastic literalism of a happy Labrador retriever.

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January 05, 2009
A Top 10 List, for the Rest of Us

Ron gets a no-prize with a hidden picture for bringing us the "top 10 cars and the type of women they attract". I guess you'd have to define "rare" to see if my Italian exotic qualifies, but I'm happy with what I got (in both senses).

Posted by scott at 09:22 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
January 03, 2009
When Names Attack

Something tells me this does not mean to them what it means to us. Either that, or gaydar is now a reality.

Rrm... not that there's anything wrong with that. I think.

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Ape Fun

Yeah, this is pretty much how I react to cool toys too. And Mark, and Joshua, and Ron, and... well, and pretty much every other guy I know.

OOK!

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I Can Haz Buddy?

The rest of us will laugh at the main picture of best friends owl and basset. Ellen, of course, will jump straight to conure and labrador. But you knew that already.

Posted by scott at 08:16 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
December 31, 2008
Picture Time

Personally, I like the very last one. But I'm weird that way. As if you needed reminding.

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December 30, 2008
Now Suddenly it's Oranges?!?

20081229NYDeathJuice.jpg

Oh! I see... it's ZIONIST juice that's the problem. Thanks for clearing that up.

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Quick! Someone Call Eye-Ex-Eye-Eye!!!
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December 24, 2008
Personally, I Like "SH11TBX"

Another year, another set of goofy custom plates. How Richie missed out on the only NY state one on the list I'll never know.

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December 23, 2008
Wow... They Really Are Like That

Never let it be said we're above giving a worn-out meme a few more thrashes: She just wanted it to snow!

I'd like to think Olivia will be more mature and confident than this when she's 18. However, I'll be more than happy to settle for a healthy, reasonably well-adjusted child who graduates college.

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Speaking of Australia

Lisa R. gets a no-prize that's the wrong temperature for bringing us a particularly Aussie sort of Christmas carol. We had an Aussie working for us for a few years, I asked her if she ever got used to cold Christmases. She said it wasn't the Christmases that were so weird, rather it was instead New Years. The cold weather apparently significantly impeded the traditional "crawl-pubs-until-you-can't-move" parties that (according to her at least) dominated December 31st. I guess it's harder to enjoy drinking yourself stupid when you have to worry about passing out in a bush and freezing to death, eh?

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December 17, 2008
So Do I Get Special Underwear?

Programmers of C#, Java, or just about any other language should find this worthy of a smile or two. I think the C# definition is amusing, and I think the Perl definition is absolutely dead-on.

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That Word... I Don't Think it Means What You Think it Means

Just hang on until :41. I couldn't get much further. Judging by her accent, she's probably spent only a little more time in Pakistan than I have.

And the farthest East I've ever been is Jamaica.

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Military Motivation

Mark gets a no-prize with extra firepower for bringing us this collection of a specific sort of motivational posters...

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December 16, 2008
Not All that Different from My House

The only real difference being Olivia doesn't have a baby she can thwack. And won't have one any time soon either!

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The More You Know...

Mark gets a no-prize that's for the children, man!!! for bringing us Plaxico's first attempt to get out of trouble.

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December 15, 2008
Paging The Blues Brothers, White Courtesy Phone Please

Go for the mall chase, stay for the beach assault. It's stunts like this which explain the love/hate relationship between the best automotive magazines and the industry; and why marques like Ferrari and Lamborghini force such journalists to find copies of their most exotic models on their own.

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December 12, 2008
Meh, a Little Bondo, 'be Just Like New

I'll fess up, I did do crazy crap like tear down back country roads way too fast, but I did it in a '74 Plymouth Duster. "Too fast" was quite relative, in that sense, and I never did get in as much trouble as these two. I'm just about certain, at the very least, the exhaust is trashed as well as the body. Spinning out a front driver takes talent!

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Girl's got Talent

Ron gets a no-prize that'll get him a punch from his wife for bringing us Sailor Moon Sings Bone Thugs. No, really!

And the only reason I watched it all the way through was the lady has the same name as my daughter. StickingToIt(My.Story);.

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December 09, 2008
Shine On!

Annoyingly catchy, synth-driven pop song: check
Weird visuals that somehow still imply a plot is buried in there somewhere: check
Hot chicks: Check
Androgynous lead singer who's prettier than the hot chicks: check

I guess that makes it official: time travel must really be possible.

YOU! YES YOU!!! BACK TO THE 80s WHERE YOU CAME FROM!!!

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December 08, 2008
And Just Where was This Five Years Ago?

Nina gets a no-prize Ellen will want to mount on our wall for bringing us news of a "Hello Kitty" - themed maternity ward. It's in Taiwan, which would be a challenge but no real impediment to everyone's favorite crazy-cat-lady-to-be.

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December 07, 2008
~ One of These Things is Not Like the Others / One of These Things Just Isn't the Same ~

Ron gets a rather rude no-prize for bringing us this abject lesson in photography 101, rule 3. To wit: when taking a photograph, the photographer should always be mindful of what is in the background of the shot.

Several are NSFW, but hey, it's Sunday!

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Beware! Beware!

Mark gets a no-prize that's wise beyond its years for bringing us this timely reminder of correct, and incorrect, Christmas gifts, and their consequences.

Actually, I think it's a kind of domestication milestone when the woman in your life really does want a big new super-vac instead of a bauble.

Oh, who am I kidding... it's not "instead of", it's "in addition to". Rawoooorrrr!!

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December 04, 2008
Swear to God, that's Where I Found Them!

Something tells me the wife won't believe you just found 130,000 inflatable boobs on the beach, so we're here to provide proof. I've heard them called "flotation devices" before, but this is ridiculous.

Via Violins and Starships.

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December 03, 2008
POOF!

Jeff gets a tacky but amusing no-prize for bringing us the ultimate demonstration of German engineering prowess.

Contrary to popular perception, the result would be largely the same were the perp driving an Alfa. His car would just be a lot prettier, and all the lights would flash on and off randomly for about five minutes after he pushed the button*.

----
* It's a Milano joke. Laugh.

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November 29, 2008
That's Just not Very Nice

The hook is that the cup is full of water. That sound you're hearing is Ellen scribbling this idea down for use the next time it's slow at her clinic.

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November 26, 2008
Ron? Is That You?

  • Identical make: check
  • Identical model: check
  • Identical color: probable
  • Identical year: probable
  • Weird fascination with 80s hip-hop: check
And to think I thought he'd never sell it.
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Bop!!!

When playing with a puppy, it's often wise to keep an eye on the paws. Bah, that's nothing. You want pain? How about two quarter-ton cats using your sleepy backside as the chute of turn 3 of their psychotic race course at 3 am?

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November 25, 2008
Just in Time for the Holidays!

Too bad bidding has ended. This would've made a great gift for that special someone in your life. The best part would be to hear, "but I don't have any blu-ray disks, why would I want this?"

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The Llama Song
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The Marmoset Song

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November 20, 2008
Now That's Just Sad

Getting busted for being a dirty old man trying to paw teenagers is one thing. Having your stash of self-starring animal porn discovered during a search is quite something else.

Ron will be very happy, and not at all surprised, to learn this happened near Philadelphia.

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What's She Late For? Can I call a Cab?

Ron gets a no-prize with unintended consequences for bringing us this clever ad. I'm not completely sure if the product is real, but the writing is funny enough.

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November 19, 2008
Tasty!

Where's COPS when you need them?

A man caught near Nobbys Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 kmh car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.

But wait! There's more!

A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

The mind boggles.

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November 17, 2008
Head.Explode(Candy);

Jeff gets a no-prize that'll dig a hole to China when it grows up for bringing us this live puppy cam. No, I didn't know what a Shiba Inu was either. Jeff thinks it's some sorta Chow breed.

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And the Lure Float Goes, "Plork!"

Problem: the celebrity you're interviewing is deadly dull, and you really need something good for a headline.

Solution: Go fishing:

When asked about his perspective on social issues—gay marriage, abortion—Prince tapped his Bible and said, “God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough.’ ”

Props to the man for not shying away from saying what he thinks, and a big raspberry to whomever his publicist is for letting the interview spin out of control allowing him to do the same.

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November 14, 2008
Είναι που επιθυμούν για την fjiords!

Making the rounds: a variant of Monty Python's "dead parrot" sketch has been knocking around for 1600 years. The ancients being less squeamish about such things, their version is more appropriately titled "the dead slave sketch."

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*CRUNCH*

I don't know enough about FWD cars to tell just what the heck happened here. Taking a WAG, looks like something in his transmission broke and allowed him to engage 2 gears at once. At speed.

NSFW punk wannabe language at the end.

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November 11, 2008
Scaring The Crap Out Of Myself

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My wonderful friend, Annie, scored a house in Leesburg, VA to live in. To her, history is a way of life, not just something you read about.

Me? I scared myself shitless in her house being left alone for 15 minutes to put makeup and a costume on. Especially when she banged on the window trying to get me to let her back in the house.

An aside: I'm sorry... if you need a 'skeleton key' to get in your house, especially if you are told the house is 'circa 1800', you automatically get a 'your house is haunted' prize.'

So tell me, do I have something to worry about? I did not feel bad "Ju ju" from the house, though I did have some serious discussions with the squirrels until Annie scared the crap out of me.

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Even better, being told the parking lot right next door is actually a graveyard. Me: "... uhm... gravestones?!?" Annie, in very jolly voice: "Oh they just took those and moved them across the street in the park. They're right next door, just moved them 20 feet. Left the graves where they were, put the parking lot over it, no idea why it hasn't all collapsed. Ha ha ha!" Was that a movie? I broke out in the "Thriller" dance trying to calm myself. What? Like you didn't know I was weird that way.

Ellen's rule of SpOoKiEness #7: living next to a theater that plays the Rocky Horror Picture Show monthly... gives you a 'maybe" for a sleep over.

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November 10, 2008
What a Great Idea

See, thing is, even if you think your girlfriend is pretty, even if she is actually pretty in a "normal mortal female" sort of way, it won't much matter to the rest of the world if you're a terrible photographer and she's posing like one of those models you see on those tuner magazine covers.

Those cover girls get paid for a reason, mostly because they have plastic surgery bills the size of a college tuition payment. If yours doesn't, just don't. K?

Note: I only scanned the very first page of the thread, which was bikini-level SFW. I won't vouch for the rest until I get home, so be cautious.

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November 08, 2008
Deny Everything

Sometimes they just write themselves: Will there be disclosure of UFO files under the Obama administration?

Well? Well?!?

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November 06, 2008
More... Campaign...


Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

I swear I saw Joshua wandering around in the background of one or two of those shots.

Or maybe it was Brian?

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Oh... My... God...

I'm not sure if this really is the worst music video ever made, but it has to be close. Looks like some Chicago don's daughter decided she wanted to break into the music business. I'm glad they got the alarm fixed first.

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GetTheBall!GetTheBall!GetTheBall!

If only you could do this with kids! Exactly what it is in a tennis ball that inspires such absolute monomania in a dog I'll never know. I wonder if he's that enthusiastic with it when there's nobody around to watch?

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November 04, 2008
This is Annie and her Sewing Machine!

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We Won, So Take Off, You Hoser

What better way to memorialize a war most people forget about after high school than a pair of giant toy soldier statues in front of an apartment building?

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November 03, 2008
I Bet the Germans Will Be Surprised to Hear This

Ron gets a warped and slightly puzzled no-prize for bringing us news that Belgium, in fact, does not exist. I'd heard the same thing said about Idaho for years, and then someone who claimed he was from there showed up. Can we really trust Joshua? I think not! Idaho is a hoax! Idaho is a hoax!

Why, thank you for this new coat. My, isn't it funny how the sleeves go 'round the back?

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It's Got a Good Beat and You Can Dance to it

Of course, now I have that damned melody stuck in my head. The things I do for you people...

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November 01, 2008
You're Doing it Wrong, Jeep Edition

Remember folks, trying to tow a car by its roof makes baby Jesus cry.

I think it's not as bad as it looks. As I recall, Jeeps are still body-on-frame vehicles, in which case all they probably did was rip the body off its mounts. Not good, but (maybe) not a total loss.

Ron gets a no-prize shaped like a tow hook for bringing us a brilliant Jeep FAIL.

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October 30, 2008
Why You DO NOT Mess With The Chicks at Work

Yes, we did this to our poor doctor. This is what happens when you fall asleep during your lunch. We decorate you.

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~ If You Don't Know Me By Now ~

Mark gets a no-prize that's romantic on its own terms for bringing us a beer commercial that understands us. Hee!

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October 28, 2008
~ Rollin' Rollin' Rollin / Keep That Hummer Rollin ~'

The funny thing is, as I understand off-road traction at any rate, this thing probably wouldn't be all that bad in the country. Well, assuming wooden wheels can actually support something has heavy as an H3, that is. And gaining traction != a nice ride. I think the whole thing would probably shake apart driving across grooved pavement.

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Traffic Time

Mark will get his no-prize just as soon as the driver gets off 66 for bringing us this insider's guide to touring DC. DC's traffic, that is, which is just about all you'll see if you're not careful and actually try to drive around here most days.

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Paging The Hooters, White Courtesy Phone Please

Mike J. gets a no-prize with that distinctive profile for bringing us evidence that the Democratic party has been a known quantity for a very long time. It also shows how much Hollywood has changed, since that's probably the last time the Dems got a zinger thrown at them in a motion picture. Republicans, not so much; but you already knew that.

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Just Let it Go, Man, Just Let it Go

Lisa R. gets a no-prize that's a funny blue color for bringing us an example of how not to travel by train:

A passenger on a French train had to be rescued by firemen after having his arm sucked down the on-board toilet.

Cell phones do a lot of things well, but swimming isn't one of them. That thing was DOA when it hit the water.

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October 27, 2008
I Think I Better Dance Now

Annie gets a no-prize that'll look good in Hell for bringing us this picture of people goofing around in an art museum. I'm pretty sure I've seen it before, but I can't recall it being in a linkable format like this. Good morning, all!

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October 24, 2008
Well isn't that... Festive...

Two words: dildo downpour.

Supporters of the Stockholm-based AIK ice hockey team scored an unusual hat trick of heckling on Tuesday night featuring dildos, profane banners, and a giant inflatable penis.

I was going to make a joke about "I went to a hockey game and a sex party broke out", but then I tried to picture what the average hockey fan might look like naked. Three showers later, I'm almost normal again!

Ron gets a no-prize that'll be an interesting conversation piece at his next get together for bringing us this most interesting of fan taunts.

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Your Thought for the Day

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Mark gets the coveted Charlie Brown Halloween no-prize* for bringing us a light-hearted look at what we might all have to look forward to next holiday season!

Hopefully we're not violating a copyright here. I've linked to the guy's main page. If this suddenly disappears, well, there ya go.

----
* A rock.

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October 21, 2008
Joseph and the Technicolor Eclipse

It takes a page or two, but trust me, this is the most ridiculous rice-up job you'll ever see. Even non-gearheads will appreciate the color... combinations? ...this guy comes up with for his car. Go for the hand file to the head treatment, stay for the spray painted foot pedals.

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October 19, 2008
... Well... I Got Bettah...

Mark gets a no-prize that's only a model for bringing us this re-imagining of everyone's favorite medieval comedy. Must be a different version of the song... I could actually understand the lyrics this time around.

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October 12, 2008
Adventures In A Car...

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Why I Am Not Allowed A Real Video Cam

Actual guy on my bus.

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October 11, 2008
BOOM!!! HEAD SHOT!
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October 10, 2008
Hey Billy Bob, Watch This!

Texans + rocket powered scooter (no, really!) = well, this. Just when you thought a redneck couldn't get any dumber...

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Down He Goes

Fans of Mythbusters should find this brief clip of Adam Savage at a hacker's convention of interest. I hope the two clips he shows from an upcoming episode actually make it into the broadcast. This is one of Olivia's favorite shows, in no small part because she thinks Carrie is a very neat lady.

Note: Clip is completely SFW, but the ads surrounding it are marginal (but not awful). I can't vouch for the rest of the site.

Posting from home rox!

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October 07, 2008
Dude. Wait, What? XVI

Remember folks, you can't fool owls. Turn it off after the first repeat. Far as I can tell, it'll loop forever until you do.

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October 06, 2008
Skunk Funny
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When Teleprompters Attack

No, really, when teleprompters attack.

Ok, well, when teleprompters get snippy, how's that?

And yes, I know, they did a little "enhancing", but it's still nice to see that The Messiah does indeed flub lines every now and then.

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No Harm, No Foul

Parking brakes: they're not just good for civilians. I want to know what he crashed into at the end.

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October 02, 2008
Scoop of the Century

Jim Treacher scoops, well, the whole worldwith an advanced look at the questions due to be asked at tonight's VP debate. It's funny because it's true.

Oh, right, sorry. Fox news is the true enemy, the one really in the pocket of a political party, eh?

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September 30, 2008
~ George. George. George of the Rednecks ~

Watch out for that tree!

Meh. Looks like he wasn't going fast enough to hurt anything.

Well, except maybe his pride.

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I Guess that Makes a Hospital a "Bear Necessity"
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September 29, 2008
Your Thought for the Day

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Yeah, actually, a lot like that, s'what I think. Then again, so is a discussion on Fark, whence I found this piquant illustration.

Well, at least the Redskins won!

Update: Seconded:

(2008-09-29) — Just minutes after the Bush administration’s $700 billion financial-sector takeover went down to defeat in the House today, Congressional Democrats introduced a bill that would mandate a 6:02 a.m. (EST) sunrise for Tuesday.

“The sun will come out tomorrow,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, “but only if Congress takes action now to eliminate uncertainty.”

Whee!!!

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September 27, 2008
Your Thought for the Day

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That's probably gonna leave a mark. As far as I can tell, nobody was hurt.

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September 25, 2008
Acid Dipped Saturdays

Having actually been a little kid in the 70s, I can say at least some of these kids shows weren't as surreal as the author of the article thinks they are. Then again, the internal state of a 7 year old is a pretty weird place to begin with, so who knows.

I'd forgotten all about Banana Split, and even now the memories are almost entirely made up of impressions rather than the more typical "internal movie projector" we all normally remember with. I can only remember that I watched it during summer time, when I was intensely bored, during some "Krusty the Clown" - type kids show. Other than that, nothing.

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September 24, 2008
HitlerSaysWhat?

Mark gets an extremely silly no-prize for bringing us well, I'm not completely sure what the hell this is, but it made me laugh a bit.

Thank you for the "needs to get out more" sign, but I already have a hat that says that on.

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September 23, 2008
This Is How I Entertained Myself In Atlanta

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Hotel Blowdryers

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September 21, 2008
Caveat Emptor

Ron gets a no-prize that's just wrong for bringing us how they really make that most perverted of Japanese vending machine products. I mean really, what did you expect?

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September 19, 2008
My Friends, Let Me Show You Them

My friends:

Nerd me = new Nerd("Scott");
me.HoldingTool = new Hammer();
Nail n;
foreach (Thing t in Everything)
{
n = (Nail)t;
HoldingTool.Strike(n);
}

What?!? I haven't done pseudo-C# in, like, forever!!!

You want something else, go get your own site!

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ExhaustPipeGoesWhere?!?

Mike P. gets a damned silly no-prize for reminding us of the cow methane study they're doing in Argentina. Science is seldom pretty, eh?

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Silly Friday Fun

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It made me "LOL". Found on a Fark (natch) thread comment to this article

September 16, 2008
Sneaky @#$%-ing Dog

Jeff gets a no-prize that should not be greeting him at the door when he gets home for bringing us an example of just how determined a bored beagle can be. That's probably more dangerous than it looks... I can definitely see about six different ways for doggie to get hurt pulling a stunt like this.

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A Test, for the Rest of You

I'm actually surprised it's taken this long for Alfisti sellers to start seriously questioning their buyers. They are fine little machines, but they definitely take a specific sort of owner to get the best out of them.

Something tells me this holds true, with some variation, for just about any car worth having.

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When the Stern Show Attacks

Go for Sal and Richard completely f'ing up a reporter's live feed, stay for the straight-laced description the anchor tries to put together at the end. I don't know how, but those two weirdos definitely managed to land some of the best jobs in the world.

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September 13, 2008
The War Room

Mark gets a no-prize that'll rant impressively for bringing us yet another re-imaging of just what happened in a specific bunker at a specific time and a specific place.

I honestly don't know just what it is about that scene that allows it to be re-tread time and time again and yet never once lose its funny. This one definitely worked for me. Obamamaniacs... well, probably not as much.

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September 11, 2008
I Guess He'd Get a "JWI"?

Athlete + "Vodak" + cell phone camera = teh funnay. It takes a little while to get to the good part, but it's worth it. I wonder if the event was televised? If so, there's most likely even better footage out there somewhere.

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September 10, 2008
We're All Still Here II
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September 06, 2008
Your Thought for the Day

“What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Barack Obama?”

“One is a well turned-out, good-looking, and let's be honest, pretty sexy piece of eye-candy.

“The other kills her own food.”

Via Instapundit.

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September 05, 2008
It Came From New Jersey

I don't often link FARK threads, unless they have as much "WIN" as this one does. Go for the guido pictures, and do not miss guidos in motion.

The weirdest thing of all is, after living with and around yankees for the past twelve years or so, I'm starting to be able to tell the difference between someone from Jersey, Brooklyn, Long Island, upstate, and Manhattan. I guess it's a kind of radiation, seeps into your bones, that sort of thing.

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Your Thought for the Day

I dunno... for some reason this, this reminds me of... "someone":

Ridcully was to management what King Herod was to the Bethlehem Playgroup Association. His mental approach to it could be visualised as a sort of business flowchart with, at the top, a circle entitled "Me, who does the telling" and, connected below it by a line, a large circle entitled "Everyone else".

-- (Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent)

Now, I would never think of scratching out Ridcully and putting in "Ellen". Nor would I ever change all the "he" and "his"'s into "she" and "hers"'s. My story, sticking to it.

Posted by scott at 02:09 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 03, 2008
Say My Name!

If only SNL were this funny.

The Post, at least, is most definitely hammering away at Palin, and the MSM in general is trying hard enough that British bookies are now taking bets that she'll bail, perhaps before the end of the convention. Note the snarky back-biting in this LA Times piece.

Posted by scott at 02:21 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
September 02, 2008
When Room Mates Attack

Ah, college. The long hours. The tough assignments. The passive-aggressive room mates.

In my first "group house" we had a member who expressed his displeasure with us by turning the thermostat down to 50 at 1 am. I out-p-a'd him by waking up 5 minutes later and switching it to FAN so it'd still make noise but not freeze us/power bill us to death. Needless to say, that group didn't stay together very long.

Posted by scott at 02:27 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
I Moo, Therefore I Am

Amber gets an extremely silly no-prize for bringing us "I am Cow", a benediction to everyone's favorite burger ingredient. Moo!

Posted by scott at 09:14 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
August 29, 2008
Oink Oink

Other, classier, sites are making note of McCain's VP pick with serious discussion and analysis. We, however, choose a different route.

Ron gets a no-prize that'll spend most of its time rooting around in the muck for bringing us a crystallization of the first three or four thoughts every straight man had when he heard the news.

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Being from Columbus, he's Just Spreading it Around

I have no doubt he would do exactly that. I still think the orange Jersey douches are funnier, but this guy was worth chuckle, for no other reason than it gives me the opportunity to yank a certain person's chain.

In 3... 2... 1...

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And the Dog Goes, "Squeak Squeak"

Today's "idiot dog swallows something he shouldn't" story brought to you by...

Hey, are you sure this is right? This really is the town's name? No way. No f'ing way. Well, ok then...

By the Leamington Spa Courier. With most excellent X-ray goodness.

Those English. They'll name a town anything!

Posted by scott at 08:44 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
August 28, 2008
Escape Goats?

It's nice to see that the US isn't the only nation with an f-d up public school system. Some of you may think, "well at least they speak English." Keep in mind their immigration problem is actually a bit stickier than ours. They may boost the crime rate and create a built-in constituency for nanny-staters Democrats, but at least they don't try to blow us up on a regular schedule.

Posted by scott at 09:26 AM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
August 27, 2008
I'm not a Hypocrite. I'm too Rich to be a Hypocrite.

Personally I've always thought having a pretty face and being reasonably articulate in front of a camera were no great talents. Now I have (even more) proof. Remember folks, we're only supposed to do what they tell us to do, not what they do themselves.

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August 26, 2008
And the Stripper Wannabe Goes, "Crash-Flop-THUD"

Reason #7 Why Ellen Can't Have One: she stumbles over level ground. A disasters like these would only be a matter of time.

Far as I could tell the video is SFW.

Posted by scott at 01:32 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
August 25, 2008
Mark's Costume

mark2008costume.jpg

Posted by Ellen at 01:42 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
August 22, 2008
Yeah, that Can't be Good

You'd think with such a shiny tow truck he'd know better than this. Well, I guess the guy learned a lesson in physics that day.

Posted by scott at 03:00 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
When 'Teh Stoopids' Attack

Go for the description, stay for the picture:

This is the amazing scene of a burglar hanging upside down that greeted home owner Paul Ives when he returned home from work.

Since it happened in the UK, I'm surprised they didn't arrest the homeowner for something like "failure to ensure burglar could enter home safely" or some such nonsense.

Posted by scott at 12:07 PM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
August 15, 2008
Welcome to Their World

While it's kinda short and the white-on-green color choice is awful, this brief look at the kind of support e-mail Slashdot gets was still amusing, at least to me. It's nice when you get proof positive that it's not just your users who are a bunch of panicky screwups.

Posted by scott at 01:18 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 13, 2008
F'ing Bird!

Mark gets a damned salty no-prize for bringing us the latest celebrity behaving badly. I'm pretty sure it's staged; then again, Howard Stern runs out-takes of various celebrities melting down during voice-over sessions and I have to admit this sounds a lot like those.

Language is NSFW, but everything else is fine.

Posted by scott at 02:03 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
August 12, 2008
[Geeky Snort]

I think I'm beginning to get the hang of this whole lambda thing. I think this will actually work! Well, it compiles at any rate:

List<RegistrationBatch> rbl = rbl.Where(x => x.Registrations.Where (y => y.RegistrationTypeUsed.MyClass == registrationType.RegClass.regular).Count() > 0).ToList();

It gives me all the registration batches which contain "regular" registrations. Yeah, I can do this in a heartbeat with a sql string, but that tends to net me unexpected behavior that doesn't show up until runtime, and won't let me use all my handy enums besides.

Wrong Wrong Wrong! comments in 3... 2... 1...

It's my blog, I'll write what I want to!

Posted by scott at 02:52 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
Military Life

Sometimes it's scary, most of the time it's dull, and sometimes, well, sometimes life in the military can be just a little silly. Making inappropriate jokes at inopportune times is, after all, an American past time.

Mark gets a no-prize he can strap to a bomb rack for bringing us this collection of uniquely themed photographs.

Posted by scott at 08:06 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 11, 2008
Well, Duh.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised I agree with just about all of the "elements" on this table. Except for Saget. For some reason every time I see him on TV I start to chant "DIAF DIAF DIAF". Sue me.

Posted by scott at 03:46 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
August 08, 2008
You've Gotta be Kidding Me

This has to be satire or something. Nobody's campaign staff is that dumb. Right?

Via Instapundit, who took it seriously enough to do some research, with... interesting... results.

Posted by scott at 01:11 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 07, 2008
Ed IN In Out...

Thanks to Shirin for the entry!

Posted by Ellen at 08:54 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 06, 2008
I'd be Happy for My Head to Still be Attached

Yeah, I know, it's made the rounds, but I still thought this "take down" of the chatty Today Show hosts was a hoot. Welcome to live TV!

Posted by scott at 03:20 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 05, 2008
Paging Richard Wagner, White Courtesy Phone Please

Nothing says "Valkyrie" like big German women with rocks and cudgels:

Pedestrians usually step aside when Gisela Lang and her lady warriors come down the street, re-enacting the glorious day when the Women of Kronach helped oust an invading army from Germany nearly 400 years ago.

"All of us weigh at least 90 kilograms," (200 lbs) said Lang, 52, a local culture official who herself tips the scales at 100 kilos.

Mark gets a no-prize that only sings when it's all over for bringing us this amusing bit of local German tradition.

Posted by scott at 01:55 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
August 01, 2008
Head.Explode(Candy);

Think of it as a cat, with thumbs. It's not a sloth; I'm pretty sure it's some sort of loris. Hmm? Oh go look it up.

No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 01:23 PM | Comments (2) | eMail this entry!
July 31, 2008
Spaces Matter

Ok, I admit it, I literally laughed out loud when I checked out the URL. I need to get out more...

Posted by scott at 11:34 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
An Alphabet, for the Rest of Us

Brian gets a no-prize that'll play a classic Styx tune with the press of a button for bringing us the Halo Corpse Alphabet. Something tells me this won't end up as a set of magnets for our refrigerator.

And that's not a challenge (Joshua)!

Posted by scott at 10:47 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 29, 2008
God's Snack

Well, I'm still looking for my Buddha gravy, but at least when I find it I'll have a side dish. Considering all the weird ways Cheetos can come out of the bag, I'm surprised it's taken this long for somebody to spot a Jesus one.

Sorta puts a whole new spin on that "eating the body of Christ" thing, eh?

Posted by scott at 03:32 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Rrm... Wha?!?

I'm pretty sure doggycondoms.com is fake, but if it's not it certainly represents a pretty innovative expression of experimentalism. I think. Somebody else gets to put it on Rover.

Posted by scott at 11:36 AM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 25, 2008
Beep Beep

When the children are away, the parents may play. Vaguely NSFW.

Posted by scott at 12:54 PM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
July 24, 2008
Welcome to My World, Ancient Edition

Except for the language, I deal with calls like this just about every day. And people wonder why help desk workers don't last very long...

Posted by scott at 03:54 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 23, 2008
And Like the Train Kind, You Just Can't Stop Looking

Remember that awful wedding cake you saw years back at your [friend's | relative's | ex's ] event? Bet it wasn't as bad as these.

The worst one I can remember actually was at a wedding, years ago. Strangely, I can't remember exactly who's wedding it was. At any rate, it tried to be a three-level, columned classic. Which it was, if you overlooked the frosting drooling over the sides like slow-motion water from an overfilled punch bowl. The impression of a ruined Greek temple was greatly enhanced by the fluted columns no less than 4 degrees out of true in all different directions. Truly, it was a classic.

Posted by scott at 03:23 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
Paging Barry Manilow, White Courtesy Phone Please

It's... It's... a miracle:

Diners have been flocking to a restaurant in northern Nigeria to see pieces of meat which the owner says are inscribed with the name of Allah.

If someone would only find gravy with bits that look like, oh hell I dunno, say Buddah for the sake of argument, we could use this and that Jesus toast to make our very own holy sh*t on a shingle!

I swear, some times I'm so damned clever I amaze even myself.

Via Yourish.

Posted by scott at 11:35 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
No [Video] Reverb

Mark gets a no-prize with a really high voice for bringing us more evidence that Rock Band is a video game, not a teaching tool. This must be, what, the sixth or seventh actual rock band that couldn't play their own songs on Rock Band? And check out the drum setup... no wonder they did so poorly!

Posted by scott at 08:59 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
July 22, 2008
Are We Having Fun Yet?

So, if a previous article is to be believed, TV commercials now cause kidney stones. What an insight! I should work for TV news!

As an inveterate TiVo user, I haven't intentionally watched a commercial (at home, anyway) in something like six years. Who would've known that would put me in with the greenies? Quick! Someone light up a charcoal grill!

Posted by scott at 01:18 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 21, 2008
Piz on Quiz

Parents of young children can test the strength of their Seuss-fu with this Dr. Seuss quiz. I only got 7 out of 10, but then again it's been awhile since we've done the Seuss circuit during story time.

Posted by scott at 12:58 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 18, 2008
A Want Ad for... Rrrmmm... Ok, not Me

Hey, at least he's honest:

You must know your way around [Super Mario Bros.] before we meet... also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

Thing things people are willing to advertise for...

Posted by scott at 03:32 PM | Comments (4) | eMail this entry!
July 17, 2008
Weer in Ur House

tellin' da troofs. Better than impeechin' our doodz!

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 12:58 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
That's His Royal Highness Cranky Old Man to You, Bub

Lisa R. gets a no prize with a crown and scepter on for bringing us The Principality of Hutt River, which appears to actually be the oldest "micronation" in Australia. They even have a home page. Mint coins and stuff!

Shoot. If I'd know'd it was that easy I'd've done it years ago!

Posted by scott at 10:43 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
A Different Sort of Perq

Work for NASA, pee in a cup. Over and over again, it would seem. But hey, at least it's voluntary!

Posted by scott at 08:16 AM | Comments (1) | eMail this entry!
July 15, 2008
Well, at Least it Wasn't a Foil Hat

Ya know, the party just hasn't started until the guy covered in barbecue sauce shows up. When Mr. Shotgun is pointed at you, it really doesn't much matter how badly you need protection from the government, no'Wha'ah'mean?

Posted by scott at 01:12 PM | Comments (0) | eMail this entry!
July 11, 2008
Well How the Heck Else do You Expect Them to Get to Grammas?

Why we didn't think of a picture like this, I'll never know. Oh I know all right. They may not shoot guns, but the grammas Olivia's got can swing some pretty heavy bats.

Posted by scott at 01:20