Archives

February 20, 2014
Love Time

All I can say is, we definitely buck the Virginia trend here in casa Johnson. This "tween mortification moment" brought to you by the happy parents council.

Posted by scott at 06:25 AM eMail this entry!
February 11, 2014
Oops

Of all the people to get mixed up about, I can't think of a worse choice. I mean, the man is famous for holding big guns and shouting at people. Live TV win!

Posted by scott at 06:30 AM eMail this entry!
January 24, 2014
Seems Legit

This just in: The norks have conquered the sun. I'm sniffing either a hoax or a mistranslation, but it is North Korea. They're pretty much capable of any wacky thing as far as I'm concerned.

Posted by scott at 09:48 AM eMail this entry!
January 06, 2014
The More You Know...

I guess the take-aways from this are: a) don't ride the luggage carousel, b) if you do, the cops will come sniffing around, c) get the hell out of the airport if you go for a ride.

Me, I'm going with a, but that's because I have a mortgage and responsibility and stuff.

Posted by scott at 01:05 PM eMail this entry!
January 03, 2014
Your Thought for the Day

Southerners in a snow storm:

Posted by scott at 06:27 AM eMail this entry!
December 26, 2013
Boing!

8 ball, side pocket.

Posted by scott at 01:05 PM eMail this entry!
December 20, 2013
Fun with Pagemaker

To tell the truth, I'm not completely sure anyone even uses Pagemaker. Maybe if they did these things wouldn't happen. Then again, being more efficient often means people just screw up faster.

Posted by scott at 06:39 AM eMail this entry!
December 13, 2013
Get Off My Lawn

Well, in his defense it did take some thirty years to turn these predictions into a collection of howlers. Like: "Baloney. Do our computer pundits lack all common sense? The truth in no online database will replace your daily newspaper, no CD-ROM can take the place of a competent teacher and no computer network will change the way government works."

Posted by scott at 06:12 AM eMail this entry!
December 05, 2013
Fun with Texts

On the rare times I get a wrong text I just ignore it. These people? Not so much.

Posted by scott at 06:44 AM eMail this entry!
November 26, 2013
Because Japan!

Posted by scott at 02:03 PM eMail this entry!
Straighten All The Things!

I'll admit a few of these made me itch a little, but it's nothing like what some of my friends will go through. Enjoy!

Posted by scott at 07:19 AM eMail this entry!
November 15, 2013
Tire Tread Sandwich

Now, this will be shocking so I want you to sit down. Ready? A McRib sandwich patty looks weird before it's cooked. I know, right, but surely this isn't just because it's a slow news day.

Posted by scott at 09:03 AM eMail this entry!
November 11, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 05:17 PM eMail this entry!
November 02, 2013
Just Think What They Could Do with the Chunkin' Part

What happens when a bunch of engineers have a pumpkin carving contest? Pretty much what you'd expect. I liked the one with the googly eyes the best.

Posted by scott at 12:36 PM eMail this entry!
October 25, 2013
My Wife, Let Me Show You Her

Posted by scott at 06:36 AM eMail this entry!
October 21, 2013
Crash-u!

Posted by scott at 09:27 AM eMail this entry!
October 18, 2013
A Horror Movie, for the Rest of Us

Posted by scott at 08:20 AM eMail this entry!
October 11, 2013
Ski On!

It's all fun and games until you notice what's happening on the hood of that car (SFW). From what I'm reading in various comments, this sort of thing is much more common than you'd at first think.

Posted by scott at 06:47 AM eMail this entry!
October 09, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 07:03 AM eMail this entry!
October 04, 2013
I Shall Call Them "Boobie Romeo"

Wow! Look at those cars! No, actually, I've never been accused of being subtle. How'd you guess?

Posted by scott at 06:41 AM eMail this entry!
September 26, 2013
So Ugly it Has to be Expensive

Introducing Marchi Mobile eleMMent Palazzo, a three million dollar monstrosity that reminds me of a dustbuster with wheels on. Do I want one? It's expensive, unique, probably unhinged in ways that aren't immediately obvious, and Italian. You do the math.

Posted by scott at 07:06 AM eMail this entry!
September 25, 2013
Your Smile for the Day

Posted by scott at 02:34 PM eMail this entry!
It's Funny, Eh?

Hey, folks, stereotypes are usually there for a reason. Can't say I've known any Canadians since college, and back then we treated them more like crashed aliens than anything else. I mean, it's not like the University of Arkansas is the very first place a Canadian think of when it come to college, ya know?

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM eMail this entry!
September 24, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 06:56 AM eMail this entry!
August 27, 2013
Tomb Stones, for the Rest of Us

Exactly why Southern cemeteries aren't studded with these things is a bit beyond me. Nobody has ever gone broke underestimating a red neck's taste. Proof positive that they don't all speak English, I guess.

Posted by scott at 01:12 PM eMail this entry!
August 26, 2013
Some Pig

Well, it's not like they come with labels, ya know? This actually happened to friends of ours a few years ago, although they paid about 1/10th that price, and I don't think (so far at least) it's anywhere near that big.

Posted by scott at 06:34 AM eMail this entry!
August 22, 2013
Rate the States

Well, I guess it's a certain sort of distinction that none of the states I've lived in rate best, or worst, at anything. States Ellen has lived in? Not so much. I do think it's funny everyone seems to want to vote Texas off the island.

Posted by scott at 06:13 AM eMail this entry!
August 21, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 06:54 AM eMail this entry!
August 13, 2013
An Island, for the Rest of Us

Posted by scott at 04:01 PM eMail this entry!
August 09, 2013
Paging The Black Knight, White Courtesy Phone, Please

Posted by scott at 09:11 AM eMail this entry!
Meanwnile, in the 80s

I would not be surprised at all if this was a video in Ellen's house, back in the day. She is the QUEEN of workout videos. I also wouldn't be surprised if she knew who the lady was.

Posted by scott at 06:49 AM eMail this entry!
Your Fifteen Seconds of Fame

I know I shouldn't think some of these are funny, but I do. Some scenes are NSFW, others are patently offensive. So don't watch it. Eh?

Posted by scott at 06:46 AM eMail this entry!
August 06, 2013
Mormons Got Game

Posted by scott at 09:26 AM eMail this entry!
July 31, 2013
Copy Edit Fail

Is that my new rental car, or are you just glad to see me? My luck, it'd be some retired Wal Mart greeter or something behind the counter that day.

Posted by scott at 06:47 AM eMail this entry!
July 30, 2013
Gimmick Much?

Hey, there are advantages to owning your own space taxi, ya know? Olympic torches have always been designed to stay lit no matter what. It'll be interesting to see what sort of extremes they go to to keep one going in hard vacuum.

Posted by scott at 07:00 AM eMail this entry!
July 23, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 08:37 PM eMail this entry!
July 19, 2013
When Shopping Carts Attack

Posted by scott at 08:01 AM eMail this entry!
July 11, 2013
Hold My Beer, and Watch This

Posted by scott at 10:27 AM eMail this entry!
June 25, 2013
Reason 248 not to Move to Australia

Posted by scott at 07:26 PM eMail this entry!
June 18, 2013
Cake Time

Around here, Ellen would be upset if they got it right. Olivia would be, too. Of course, she's ten, so her preferences can be a bit suspect. At least everyone seems to be treating it with a sense of humor. Most of these stories seem to end with the "victim" suing everyone in sight.

Posted by scott at 05:44 AM eMail this entry!
June 14, 2013
Keepin' it Clean

And in the "slow news" day file, we have this collection of 40s-era anti-VD posters. "You can't beat the axis if you get VD." Good to know.

Posted by scott at 06:28 AM eMail this entry!
June 12, 2013
Just Make Sure Nobody's Watching

I guess I really do miss out sometimes by skipping all the commercials. Then again, thinking about all the time I saved not watching them? I'm ok with this.

Posted by scott at 06:46 PM eMail this entry!
June 03, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 07:03 AM eMail this entry!
May 30, 2013
Hold My Beer, and Watch This

Moab, for the rest of us.

Posted by scott at 09:01 AM eMail this entry!
May 29, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 07:54 PM eMail this entry!
May 22, 2013
Booya! Ding-Dong!

Posted by scott at 01:13 PM eMail this entry!
May 07, 2013
Build Big

Oh, look. Someone's let the architects loose again. I'm pretty sure they meant to say the Palace of the Soviets was to be 1000 meters tall, not 100. As I recall, Hitler's "new Reichstag" would've enclosed roughly the same area as NASA's VAB. Except back then they would've had a harder time stopping rain clouds from forming inside it.

Posted by scott at 07:06 AM eMail this entry!
May 06, 2013
Meanwhile, in Russia...

Posted by scott at 10:39 AM eMail this entry!
May 01, 2013
Birthday Class

Posted by scott at 09:42 AM eMail this entry!
April 30, 2013
The Purpose of a Fire Extinguisher Is...

Posted by scott at 10:08 AM eMail this entry!
April 19, 2013
Fun with Old Heroes

Posted by scott at 06:18 AM eMail this entry!
April 11, 2013
A Culture of 10

I love cross-cultural comparisons. Seeing what other people think of us gives me a specific sort of very useful mirror to look at. So, not only is this 10 American habits Brits will never understand worth a read, I think the rest of the articles linked at the bottom are, too. Oh, and missing curry? She needs to move out to Herndon, aka "New Herndeli."

Posted by scott at 08:00 AM eMail this entry!
April 10, 2013
Meanwhile, in Saudi Arabia...

Posted by scott at 09:52 AM eMail this entry!
April 01, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 09:12 AM eMail this entry!
March 29, 2013
Meanwhile, in Russia...

Posted by scott at 01:54 PM eMail this entry!
March 20, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 03:20 PM eMail this entry!
March 15, 2013
Distance Wank

As with guns, when misbehaving, always be aware of what is in front of AND BEHIND you (SFW). I've always gone with the assumption that my work computer's internet connection is monitored, and browsed accordingly. I'm pretty sure it's actually not, but why take the chance?

Posted by scott at 06:24 AM eMail this entry!
March 13, 2013
Coffee Made From Snow

Well, if this is what North Koreans believe, no wonder they're so weird. The tone, content, and bizarre asides jibe well with what I've read about the place, so I'm leaning toward calling it "legit." Just how many North Koreans actually believe this stuff is hard to judge. And if they have to pay to see it, or need a TV, it really won't matter as the vast majority of Best Korea's citizens can afford neither.

Posted by scott at 08:56 AM eMail this entry!
Throw It!

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM eMail this entry!
March 08, 2013
Boing!

Not content with the various broken bones and dislocations they provide separately, someone has combined the pogo stick and the scooter into a single device. Sometimes I'm happy to say "I'm way too old for that s-."

Posted by scott at 06:56 AM eMail this entry!
February 27, 2013
~ One of These Things is Not Like the Others ~

I believe the term "that's a lot of woman" is appropriate here. She looks like she's having fun, why the hell not?

Posted by scott at 09:45 AM eMail this entry!
February 26, 2013
Hipsters on the Pope

Posted by scott at 08:41 AM eMail this entry!
February 25, 2013
Meanwhile, in Sweden

Posted by scott at 12:15 PM eMail this entry!
February 22, 2013
Beauty Fail

Posted by scott at 11:20 AM eMail this entry!
Fun with Purple

I guess it's true, people really did talk like Austin Powers back in the 60s. I was but a wee lad at the end of that decade, and I fail to recall such colorful elocution. Then again, in 1969 the best I could do was probably "mama," so I'm probably not one to judge.

Posted by scott at 07:08 AM eMail this entry!
February 19, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 06:13 AM eMail this entry!
February 12, 2013
Seems Legit

Watch out, folks, that snazzy new Iranian fighter jet has made its first flight. You know it's pretty bad when the aviation media goes on record that it's an RC model. But it's not meant for us, it's meant for the Iranian public. That said, from what I've read about Iran, the Iranians don't believe it all that much, either.

Posted by scott at 10:39 AM eMail this entry!
February 11, 2013
Meanwhile, in Russia...

Posted by scott at 11:16 AM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 08:23 AM eMail this entry!
February 08, 2013
Hey, ya'll... watch this!

Posted by scott at 07:27 AM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 06:45 AM eMail this entry!
February 03, 2013
Cupid's Undies Run

My VERY first race ever and I'm running in the cold, in my UNDERWEAR!

Please consider a donation no matter how big or small, every little bit helps!

And yes, there will be photos of proof I ran in my underwear in February!

Make a donation today!

For more information on the race, use this link.

Thank you!

Posted by Ellen at 04:06 PM eMail this entry!
January 30, 2013
Saturday Morning Memoriea

Posted by scott at 06:17 PM eMail this entry!
January 29, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 06:55 AM eMail this entry!
January 28, 2013
Beats a Jesus Statue

Scottish authorities to seal: "Wanty bolt!"

Seal to authorities: Am away hame!

Something tells me it might get a bit smelly in there. Seals aren't known for their hygiene. Well, they're not to me, at any rate.

No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 10:36 AM eMail this entry!
January 27, 2013
Double Up

Phone too cumbersome to use as an actual phone? Here's a gizmo to help. A phone for your phone. Ellen will want three.

Posted by scott at 06:58 AM eMail this entry!
January 25, 2013
My Wife, Let Me Show You Her

Posted by scott at 12:33 PM eMail this entry!
January 23, 2013
Let's Hear It for VJays!

It's like they're trying to describe the far side of the moon.

Posted by scott at 10:01 AM eMail this entry!
January 17, 2013
Burgers... in... Space...

Posted by scott at 08:45 AM eMail this entry!
January 14, 2013
That Worked Well

HOA to local paper: Don't you dare print anything about us. If I see so much as our name...

Local paper: Oh-no-you-dih'-unt!

Pretty obvious whoever is in charge of this HOA is a freaking maniac. Local papers usually play ball with the politically connected a lot easier than this.

Posted by scott at 07:05 PM eMail this entry!
January 04, 2013
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 07:01 AM eMail this entry!
December 20, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 06:19 PM eMail this entry!
December 18, 2012
And Now, Your Moment of Zen

Posted by scott at 10:42 AM eMail this entry!
December 17, 2012
Hey, Watch This!

Warning: very "blue" language, but otherwise SFW.

Posted by scott at 11:36 AM eMail this entry!
Doh!

Funny only because it seems he'll be ok: a Polish man was recently admitted to a hospital after he "answered his iron." And no, that's not a euphemism. The phone rang and he put the iron to his head. To add insult to injury, he then proceeded to bash his head on the door frame trying to get water on the burn.

Posted by scott at 06:51 AM eMail this entry!
December 09, 2012
When Editorial Standards Attack

And now, proof that the MSM really is all that stands between us and a takeover by The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. It's... it's like they're not even human, they're so good.

Posted by scott at 09:33 AM eMail this entry!
December 07, 2012
Derp in a Truck

There's "turning to crime because you're too dumb to do anything else" stupid, and then there's this guy.

Posted by scott at 10:48 AM eMail this entry!
Fashion Fun

Yeah, most of the time you really shouldn't dress up for portraits. The thing is, thirty years from now the pictures taken this year will look just as dorky. It's all about smiling and remembering, after all.

Posted by scott at 07:04 AM eMail this entry!
December 05, 2012
Another Thought

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Posted by scott at 02:48 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

I think UK Christmas parties must be a lot more fun than the ones we have in the US.

Posted by scott at 09:40 AM eMail this entry!
December 01, 2012
China Meme

It looks like the Chinese are pretty proud of their aircraft carrier. You know, the one that'd never be turned into an actual ship, never be made operational, and was at least three years away from launching aircraft? Yeah, that one. Meh. Carriers are neat. I'd be proud, too.

Posted by scott at 07:56 AM eMail this entry!
November 29, 2012
When Memes Attack

And now, a list of 32 "best internet memes of 2032". At my house, Ellen and Olivia have both driven #9 completely into the ground. They should also start a "precious wee" meme, for the same reason.

Posted by scott at 06:31 AM eMail this entry!
November 26, 2012
Yan Can't Cook

It's all fun and games until the dumplings start to explode. Another unexpected feature of the modern world: getting a look at the entire world's local access programs.

Posted by scott at 03:00 PM eMail this entry!
November 25, 2012
Only In NY!

The magical specks of color that float down the city streets are normally just a mishmash of multicolored confetti, but this year, shredded confidential documents from the Nassau Police Department were also in the air.

The worst part is that the documents were shredded horizontally, so they were still highly readable. Some strips that stuck to parade attendees contained Social Security Numbers of officers and others detailed crimes like a pipe bombing in the Kings Grant area of Long Island.

So much for responsible recycling!

Posted by Ellen at 09:32 AM eMail this entry!
November 23, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 04:00 PM eMail this entry!
November 22, 2012
A Tradition, for the Rest of Us

Posted by scott at 12:58 PM eMail this entry!
November 20, 2012
Ride On

Like the Fark headline says: Here's an amusement park ride where women get off before the ride is even over.

"So? How was the ride?"

"Slick!"

Posted by scott at 12:07 PM eMail this entry!
November 19, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 02:05 PM eMail this entry!
Dude. Wait, What?

Should I not do that? Was that wrong? Even a quick perusal of the article will reveal that, why yes, alcohol was almost certainly involved. With a day-old conviction for DUI and driving on a suspended license, you can already tell this person's decision making skills are... sub-standard.

Posted by scott at 05:33 AM eMail this entry!
November 16, 2012
Whee! New Windows!

Around here, we call this "Tuesday." Well, ok, yes, I guess we actually call it "any day that ends with a 'y.'" But we have fun!

Posted by scott at 03:39 PM eMail this entry!
November 15, 2012
Oops

You know you're getting old when you realize this used to ALWAYS be the reason for a kid not being at the bus stop to be picked up. Sadly, that is by far no longer the case.

Posted by scott at 06:52 AM eMail this entry!
November 13, 2012
Fun With Panzers

It looks like being German was no protection against standard youthful incompetence. General Abrahms, I think was the source of this joke: "Take any average tank crewman, give him an anvil, and fly him out into the middle of a desert and leave him alone for four hours. It's the middle of the desert, they're all alone, it's just a lump of iron, and he has no tools. I promise you, when you pick him up, the anvil will be broken."

Posted by scott at 06:08 PM eMail this entry!
November 07, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 01:25 PM eMail this entry!
Fun with Storms

And now, the lighter side of hurricane Sandy. It seems to include ALL the footage that was used to make those silly storm-related pictures we all saw two weeks ago. Laughter definitely beats the alternative.

Posted by scott at 11:49 AM eMail this entry!
October 31, 2012
Look Out!

It's official: absolutely nothing is safe on Russian roads. Their traffic accident footage is epic. I still can only guess that it's an insurance quirk that sees so many of these cameras in use on Russian roads.

Posted by scott at 04:05 PM eMail this entry!
Gotcha!

Sometimes more efficient communications just means you screw up faster. Bonus: the article notes the photo of soldiers guarding the Tomb of the Unknowns was taken in a summer shower in September.

Posted by scott at 09:27 AM eMail this entry!
October 26, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 02:25 PM eMail this entry!
October 25, 2012
Low Bridge

Best. Street camera placement. EVAR!

Posted by scott at 02:28 PM eMail this entry!
October 23, 2012
Now That's a Monument
Posted by scott at 05:35 PM eMail this entry!
October 15, 2012
Nice Work if You Can Get It

The things college-aged writers do for money: Let's see how well cereal holds up after its expiration date has passed, sometimes by more than twenty years. Said author seems to have made it through with flying colors, although I wonder how many extra trips to the bathroom may have resulted the next day.

Posted by scott at 06:36 AM eMail this entry!
October 09, 2012
Too Much Time on Their Hands

Having solved all other animal cruelty problems, PETA is taking on the abusive, slavish relationship pokemon have with their trainers. Because, as you all know, stuffing magical fantasy creatures into red-and-white balls and tossing them at things is the height of animal cruelty.

Posted by scott at 07:01 AM eMail this entry!
October 06, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 05:48 PM eMail this entry!
October 05, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

Funny. From the media reports, I thought all they talked about was Big Bird?

Posted by scott at 07:06 AM eMail this entry!
October 04, 2012
21st Century Problems

You know time has marched on when a pop singer outbids NASA for a ride. Assuming it's true, of course. TFA doesn't seem to mention how long she'll be staying up there. For 53+ mil, hopefully it'll be for a couple of days, at least.

Posted by scott at 06:30 AM eMail this entry!
September 28, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Check Your Work

This is why the marketing department should never be put in charge of anything: a new Motorola ad claiming Apple Maps can't find an address is using one that doesn't exist at all. It's Manhattan, too! Everyone knows the addresses there, right?

Posted by scott at 07:14 AM eMail this entry!
September 26, 2012
He Broke the Truck

Posted by scott at 06:06 AM eMail this entry!
September 19, 2012
XKCD, 20k Feet Edition

Those of you who, like me, got tired of scrolling around a whole lot of nothing with today's XKCD comic may find this helpful. Slashdot's calling it the world's biggest web comic ever. Not sure I can disagree with that.

Posted by scott at 04:40 PM eMail this entry!
September 17, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 09:14 AM eMail this entry!
September 14, 2012
Game Show Fun

Some of them are incredibly well-known, but I'd never seen most of them. I loves me some game shows!

Posted by scott at 04:27 PM eMail this entry!
When Increments Attack

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Now That's a Partnership

A Vietnamese car wash owner got busted for a particularly original "customer loyalty" plan. I guess women in Vietnam don't really get their car washed all that often. And by "car washed," I bloody well mean CAR WASHED. Stop giggling. Geeze, you'll pass out!

Posted by scott at 06:59 AM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

I guess it says more about me, that this reminds me of so man of my friends.
Posted by scott at 06:24 AM eMail this entry!
September 06, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 09:53 AM eMail this entry!
September 05, 2012
Oops

What I want to know is, how many people let this one get by before it ended up in print? Back when I worked with a non-profit, I seem to remember several committee meetings with at least six people on each before something went to print. Yes, they were a bunch of prissy wannabes, but still.

Posted by scott at 12:40 PM eMail this entry!
Sunflowers, You Say?

An elderly German farmer apparently got the surprise of his life when authorities notified him what he thought were sunflower seeds had turned into marijuana plants. This supposedly happened after he tossed bird seed on the ground. If it's all true, and I am by no means sure it is, I predict a run on bird seed at every pet supply store in the US in 3... 2... 1...

Posted by scott at 12:01 PM eMail this entry!
September 04, 2012
Paging Ray Stevens, White Courtesy Phone Please

Wandering around naked and scaring old people is no way to go through life, son. At least this time it wasn't some 300 lb. basket case on a scooter. Bonus: Woo pig, sooey!

Posted by scott at 08:28 AM eMail this entry!
August 29, 2012
Street View Fun

I've often wondered, if you take enough pictures will you eventually snap one of everything? Google is there to provide the answer. I must admit a bit of disappointment there weren't more people in various states of undress, but I'm odd that way.

Posted by scott at 07:01 AM eMail this entry!
August 26, 2012
A T-Shirt, for the Rest of Us

Now that's my kind of shirt. It even has a cat on it! How cool is that?

Posted by scott at 02:02 PM eMail this entry!
August 24, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 03:26 PM eMail this entry!
August 23, 2012
Dog Shaming

Possibly the funniest trend floating around on the web right now.

I dare you not to laugh out lout.

Posted by Ellen at 04:31 AM eMail this entry!
August 17, 2012
Haunted iPad

At last, the sordid tale of Kenny the Clown and Steve Jobs' iPad can be told. Yes, you heard that right. Unfortunately this poor guy's house will probably end up a stop on The Great Apple Pilgrimage Road, where the faithful go to trace The Great Ones trials and tribulations on his path to Electronic Enlightenment.

Posted by scott at 01:36 PM eMail this entry!
August 16, 2012
Well, They Know Something, That's for Sure

Today's "why'd it take this long" entry is a particularly "sexy" one (SFW). If, you know, your idea of sexy is a bunch of guys dressed up like JPL engineers and a chick in a bikini with a box on her head. And that's also a gold star for "least likely set of words in a single sentence" for me, too!

Posted by scott at 12:28 PM eMail this entry!
August 15, 2012
Why Why Why

Google. Is there anything it can't do? Using Google's auto-fill statistics as a predictor of US state stereotypes is great fun (Arkansas isn't interesting enough to warrant more than one thing), but even better is the first comment, who's author should win a prize for "Best. Internet. Snob. Evar!"

Posted by scott at 08:23 AM eMail this entry!
August 12, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 04:04 PM eMail this entry!
August 03, 2012
Anger Management

Got popped for weed possession and resisting arrest? That's a crushin'. "[Police] said they couldn't pursue the man because their cars were crushed." With "one picture says it all" goodness!

Posted by scott at 07:46 AM eMail this entry!
July 31, 2012
Computer Repair Made Simple

Posted by scott at 09:18 AM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 07:32 AM eMail this entry!
July 26, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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That's why the British are a specific sort of cool.

Posted by scott at 07:49 AM eMail this entry!
July 24, 2012
~ 'Cause It's Only a Bird in a Bearded Cage ~

Posted by scott at 09:21 AM eMail this entry!
July 23, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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July 19, 2012
Fun with Obama

Ya know, this is almost enough to make me want to join twitter. You know, because I don't have enough avenues to spout off to the whole world as it is. I especially liked "Heather Has Two Mommies Without Jobs."

Posted by scott at 01:12 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 08:05 AM eMail this entry!
July 17, 2012
Pat-Down

Why, yes, he's just glad to see you. Article is SFW but links to a (from the thumbnails) a slide show that's on the edge. Or tip, as it were. I wonder what he actually does for a living?

Posted by scott at 07:59 AM eMail this entry!
July 16, 2012
NO!

It's nice to know even famous parents have to put up with their kids' sh-. That said, putting up with it is much easier with bodyguards and nannies. On the other hand, my kid's meltdowns don't end up on the front pages of newspapers in the checkout line. Meh. Their lives, their problems.

Posted by scott at 09:25 AM eMail this entry!
Fun with Portraits

And in the "too much time on my hands" file, we have a guy who's made a kind of career out of bizarre portraits. Even the originating article doesn't really explain exactly what this guy is trying to accomplish. That said, the pictures are... interesting?

Posted by scott at 06:17 AM eMail this entry!
July 13, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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July 10, 2012
Fun with F-1

Yes, I think they'd be better served spending less time on this and more time on making sure the car goes fast and the pit crew stops f'ing it up. But this is still fun.

Posted by scott at 10:30 AM eMail this entry!
July 08, 2012
Tellin' It Like It Is

Leave it to the Aussies to leave nothing to the imagination. I do have to agree that rubbing one out on the train is... rude.

Ick.

Posted by scott at 03:25 PM eMail this entry!
July 06, 2012
CopyWha?

Not content with copying an entire Swiss town, another developer in China has copied London's Tower Bridge. Since it is China, after all, the knock-off is smaller and doesn't do everything the original does. It probably also costs less.

Posted by scott at 06:35 AM eMail this entry!
July 05, 2012
Don't Press That Button!

Ever wonder what it'd look like if a big-time fireworks show shot everything off all at once? Wonder no more. Fortunately, it seems that nobody got hurt. Complainers gonna complain, of course, but for me just answering the question would be worth a fireworks show that was 15 seconds long.

Posted by scott at 09:24 AM eMail this entry!
July 02, 2012
ZOMG!!!! THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH!!!!

I thought panic was defined by a Southerner faced with a snow storm. This has now been topped by a Southerner faced with a week in July with no air conditioning. Background and further comments is here...

Posted by scott at 11:41 AM eMail this entry!
June 28, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

Ellen insists this is what our living room is like when I turn the rig up to 11.

Posted by scott at 06:28 PM eMail this entry!
June 26, 2012
Don't Mess with Knitting!
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June 22, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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June 20, 2012
Girl, You Crazy!

Background story, and a second song, is here...

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June 19, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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June 14, 2012
Redneck Rampage

Pro tip: when exiting from a failed shoplifting attempt, try not to get run over by your getaway car. Bonus: this is the Wal Mart we use most weekends for groceries. All in all, I'd rather it be a lot more boring than this. Bonus: Perp is actually from, you guessed it, New York.

Posted by scott at 01:14 PM eMail this entry!
June 13, 2012
Fun with Photos

Well, at least now I know my family isn't the only one with a collection of awkward family photos on gramma's wall. After my grandparents passed away all those pictures were (presumably) boxed up and hidden away somewhere. But I know they're out there, somewhere, waiting to horrify an unsuspected distant relative some day.

Posted by scott at 06:30 AM eMail this entry!
June 12, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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No. No, I won't.

Posted by scott at 11:45 AM eMail this entry!
June 01, 2012
Teh Funnay!

"Adopting a hairless cat is like hiring a naked old man to walk around your apartment and never thank you for anything." -- Even more tweets are here...

Posted by scott at 02:44 PM eMail this entry!
May 31, 2012
Not So Different From the Real Thing

Forget whether Obama was born in the US. Ace of Spades asks the serious question: what if Obama is actually the Superman doppelganger Bizarro? With quotes like "Eca, ecanomix... Jobz? Jobz simple. Me punish job creators until they destroyed. Then me say "Ha ha ha!" Then they make jobz," one has to wonder.

Posted by scott at 02:58 PM eMail this entry!
May 30, 2012
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

It's been awhile since Fark had a really epic "CSB" story, but the comments on "Have you ever stopped dating someone for a silly reason" is quite full of win. "She smelled like soup" is currently my fav.

Posted by scott at 02:32 PM eMail this entry!
May 21, 2012
The Last Airbenders

Problem: you have a story about officials inspecting a landscaping project, a picture of said project, and a picture of said officials, but not together.

Solution: time to go 'shopping!

The author is understandably incredulous that anyone would take this seriously, and to their credit it seems like some people in China figured it out fast enough. But that completely misses the point. The propaganda ministry isn't trying to convince hipsters, let alone foreign hipsters, of anything. They're trying to make sure the little old lady in the checkout line believes what they say. Now, think about it. I'm sure your grandma would figure this out in a heartbeat, but would all of her friends be able to do it?

And that, folks, is why this is happening.

Posted by scott at 01:53 PM eMail this entry!
May 17, 2012
Paging Roger Waters, White Courtesy Phone Please

The MLB season is, what, not much more than a month old and already Cubs fans are losing their damned minds. Then again, it didn't take long for the Cubs to silt down to the bottom of their division but still. Buck up, people! There's a whole lot of baseball left to play!

Posted by scott at 02:44 PM eMail this entry!
Goin' At It

Well, that's one way to prove your point: a man's effort to get his neighbors to close their windows during sex involved posting an audio file of same on the internet. Classy? Us? You really don't come around here all that often, do you? The article is SFW, but (I'm guessing) headphones would be required to listen to the file.

Meh. It's not like he posted the address. I've never completely understood why people are so put out by all this putting out. Guess I just must have a different irritation threshold.

Posted by scott at 02:09 PM eMail this entry!
May 10, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 03:21 PM eMail this entry!
That's One Way to Do It

What do you do when simply taking the keys away from a teenage boy doesn't slow his driving down? If you're in a specific neighborhood in Poland, you get creative. If it fell out of there, it'd likely only improve the car.

Posted by scott at 08:07 AM eMail this entry!
May 09, 2012
Fun with Ferrari

Presenting the world's lightest "Ferrari." No, the quotes aren't an accident. The darned thing costs more than the original. I do like the way this one sounds, though. All throaty and stuff.

Posted by scott at 01:33 PM eMail this entry!
May 08, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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The Debate That Killed a Kitten

I gotta tell ya, I'd pay a lot more attention to our presidential debates if this was part of the scenery. You know, for the fifteen seconds or so it'd take Ellen to find something heavy to hit me with. But those would be some pretty interesting seconds, I'll tell ya...

Posted by scott at 10:28 AM eMail this entry!
May 07, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
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May 06, 2012
Julia, Julia, Wherefor Art Thou, Julia?

While by now every hipster and Obamanite has heard of Julia, the hypothetical woman who benefits from having the correct person in the White House, we haven't heard the whole story. It's a lot more interesting than you'd at first think. Especially the whole "arm-as-a-chainsaw" thing.

It's funny because that's really what it sounds like when your side talks about mine. The confused look on your face just makes me laugh harder.

Posted by scott at 08:12 AM eMail this entry!
May 02, 2012
Had to Be Done Eventually

Yes, Virginia, there are sharks with lasers on them. I'm with the guy who designed the brackets: if it helps pay off the R&D, gets some advertising out there, and doesn't hurt anything, why not?

Posted by scott at 03:55 PM eMail this entry!
May 01, 2012
The Best Roller Skating Commercial EVAR!!!

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April 28, 2012
Mamma, What Is It?

It seems kids of all sorts have no idea what to make of a peacock. Nice to see a giant-sized freak-out, too. On kittens, it's cute but not as impressive.

Posted by scott at 10:26 AM eMail this entry!
April 19, 2012
Begun, the Dog War Has

All those people who took that "Romney mistreats his dog" story are pleased to be calming down now. I like the inevitable reply site even better!

Posted by scott at 09:27 AM eMail this entry!
April 18, 2012
Not the Brightest Bomb in the Bunch

A mid-level member of the Taliban has decided to cut out the middleman and turn himself in for the reward. Unfortunately that word does not mean what he thinks it means, and "arrestilarity" has ensued.

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM eMail this entry!
April 16, 2012
I See What You Did There

Like they say: images matter. Sadly, the media's already playing down this particular unforced error. Me, I'm puzzled. Prostitution is legal in Columbia, and presumably even Secret Service agents get time off, even on assignment. If no laws were broken and this wasn't done on company time, what's all the fuss really about?

Posted by scott at 08:45 AM eMail this entry!
April 12, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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April 10, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 03:11 PM eMail this entry!
April 09, 2012
Boop Boop Boop BEEP

I really don't remember video games stinking this badly back in the day. Then again, I can remember spending a sleepless night waiting for Santa to bring us a Pong game. And playing it at 5 am in my pajamas just like it was yesterday, so I'm no real judge.

Posted by scott at 02:35 PM eMail this entry!
Fun in the Sun

Not just the kind that hangs in the sky, also the kind that is stored in a bottle. Ellen got big into the hole self-tanning thing that she claimed was needed for dance performances and such. Me, I'm pretty sure it was to make sure I got funny-looking tan lines on my hands.

Posted by scott at 12:55 PM eMail this entry!
April 06, 2012
He Put a STHPELL on me!

Sorry, can't help it, chicks coming out of anesthesia after wisdom tooth surgery are just funny. They must've changed the mix over the years, since (as I recall) all Ellen did was giggle a lot and claim they stole her tongue. When the drugs wore off, it wasn't as much fun any more.

Posted by scott at 02:45 PM eMail this entry!
April 03, 2012
A Job For Zombies

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March 30, 2012
He's Not As Think as He Drunks He Is

Also making the rounds: an obnoxious drunk getting pretty damned epic with Bohemian Rhapsody. It looks like they picked him up, drove somewhere for most of an hour, and then just let him rip in the parking lot. There's a reason I play thundering music when I get that toasty. I can't hold that kind of pitch.

Posted by scott at 01:31 PM eMail this entry!
Skool Daze

Good to know a college is a college. My junior-and-above-level classes were enough like these I cringed more than a few times, and hell all I got was an arts-and-crafts degree. Oh, and those nightmares? The ones where you're sitting for a final in a class you thought you'd dropped in the first week? They'll still be with you, twenty-five years after you graduate. Sleep well!

Via B. Justin Shier (READ HIS BOOKS!)

Posted by scott at 08:35 AM eMail this entry!
March 29, 2012
Fun with Facebook

Pro tip: no matter how tightly you've locked your FB profile, if you say something genuinely weird, it will get out. See? You people just thought I could be weird and inappropriate. Yeah, I know, a few are probably fake. Oh, and for the record, mine have never smelled like cheddar cheese, ever.

Posted by scott at 06:25 AM eMail this entry!
March 28, 2012
We Are the Peep Percent

The Washington Post's fourth annual "Peep Show" winners have been announced. I would've made the winning entry with more burnination and homeless people, but I'm not what you'd call sympathetic when it comes to hipsters who need to move the hell on and get a freaking...

But I digress...

Posted by scott at 09:15 AM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

My wife, let me show you her...
Posted by scott at 06:17 AM eMail this entry!
March 27, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 01:18 PM eMail this entry!
March 22, 2012
Food Fight

One of the supposed joys of traveling is eating weird stuff, because North American food is legendarily plain. Turns out, to someone not from around here, our food isn't as plain as we're lead to believe. I'd long known that Europeans think free refills and giant portions are weird. I didn't know about the Chinese and cheese. Maybe that person was from a specific part of China with no knowledge of that stringy, gooey wonderfulness?

Posted by scott at 06:26 AM eMail this entry!
March 21, 2012
Yeah, That's Bad

Exhibit number 34,567, "The Dumb Sh- Things Guys Do": trying to jump over a rail fence from a moving car. I'm pretty sure he destroyed his junk and literally tore himself a new one. Ah, well. He probably removed himself from the gene pool, so we at least have that.

Posted by scott at 02:46 PM eMail this entry!
March 19, 2012
Steam Punk Chic

Ever wonder what modern super heroes would dress like if they lived in the 19th century? Well, ok, neither did I but someone who draws better than me did. Funny. There's something they all have in common with their modern counterparts, I just can't quite put my finger on it...

Posted by scott at 10:03 AM eMail this entry!
March 14, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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March 10, 2012
The Tommy Edison XP- Shit Sighted People Say to Blind People

Make sure you check out the rest of Tommy's YouTube channel. I laughed my ass off at a lot of them!

Posted by Ellen at 09:26 AM eMail this entry!
March 05, 2012
Quad Crashes

It's nice to know the cute chopper robots who'll eventually rule the planet aren't infallible. I guess all that netting and safety equipment is there for a reason.

Posted by scott at 03:39 PM eMail this entry!
What a Show!

Leave it to the Japanese to turn my current hobby up to 11. The clip is undated (as far as I could figure out), but that's a slightly older-tech chopper there, with mechanical balance controls. Which is to say, the pilot is even better than you think he is. I still wouldn't let him land one that size on my head.

Posted by scott at 11:37 AM eMail this entry!
March 02, 2012
That's One Way to Do It

Damion gets the coveted Junk Yard No-prize for bringing us an alternative way to pull an engine. I'm pretty sure this is a salvage yard. Otherwise it's just a bunch of guys hooning about with an old, defenseless Jetta. I'm OK with that.

Posted by scott at 06:51 AM eMail this entry!
March 01, 2012
Amber? Is That You?

And in the, "surprised it's taken this long" file, we have a Twilight-inspired engagement photo session. Let's see, they're a) (presumably) paying their taxes, b) staying out of trouble, and c) not on my lawn. It's official, they can do whatever they want.

Posted by scott at 07:09 AM eMail this entry!
February 27, 2012
iStove

For the Apple-obsessed freak in your life who has everything: Chinese authorities have seized a large number of "Apple iPhone Stoves." Looks more like an "Apple iPhone Hot Plate" to me. I think they still make those, don't they? At any rate...

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Posted by scott at 12:00 PM eMail this entry!
February 26, 2012
Fun with Traffic

It turns out there actually are places with motorists who are as colorful as the ones we have here in N. VA. Of course, that's a whole state. We cram that much chaos into a geographic area that doesn't officially exist. Here's a list of some of the wackiness we put up with.

Posted by scott at 07:59 AM eMail this entry!
February 24, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

SING!!!

Posted by scott at 10:04 AM eMail this entry!
CSB!

Fark is featuring an absolutely epic "cool story, bro" thread involving roommates. I have a few wacky party stories, but was pretty fortunate in the roommate department. Oh, there were some difficult ones, but nothing all that special.

Posted by scott at 06:51 AM eMail this entry!
February 23, 2012
Rantomatic

Lewis Black has got that great, ranty freshness taking a look at how the media is handling Whitney Houston's death. I noticed in the grocery store on Sunday The National Enquirer was featuring more than a dozen pages going into all the gory details but, hey, at least the Enquirer never pretends to be anything it's not. All the others who sneer and make snide remarks about sleazy tabloids? Not so much.

Posted by scott at 09:31 AM eMail this entry!
February 22, 2012
Now, That's not Nice

An enterprising (presumably) gay person has decided to do the Mormons' practice of baptizing dead people into their religion one better by allowing anyone to "homosexualize" a Mormon. Normally I'm not all that pleased when people make fun of other peoples' faith, but I have to admit the whole "baptize by proxy" thing is definitely one of the weirder aspects of the Mormon faith. Oh who am I kidding. My bunch not only believe it's possible to be reincarnated, but to be reincarnated as a bug. Faith is weird that way sometimes.

Posted by scott at 12:09 PM eMail this entry!
February 16, 2012
Oops

Christmas came very early for someone as it left someone else's house: a safe bought on E-bay for $122.93 ended up containing $26,000 in cash. This seems a little fishy to me. That much cash in a wall safe that just "appears" in the world's biggest flea market makes me think, "drug dealer," and those guys are known for being... intolerant... when people lose or steal their money.

Assuming it's real at all. And yeah, someone who finds that much cash and starts blabbing about it? I'm thinking neither party in this transaction are what we'd generally recognize as genius-grade decision makers.

Posted by scott at 06:25 AM eMail this entry!
February 15, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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February 14, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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February 09, 2012
Mein Pants

Even when worn by one of the most evil men in history, lederhosen look ridiculous. Any chance to make ol' Adolf look stupid is a chance worth taking in my book. Downfall parodies, FTW!

Posted by scott at 06:47 AM eMail this entry!
February 07, 2012
10 Years On, and Still Classy

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February 04, 2012
Shit...

Yes... this was given to me by an Asian friend.

Posted by Ellen at 09:14 PM eMail this entry!
January 30, 2012
Coins in a Cup

The lengths guys go to distract themselves knows no bounds: take a look at how one guy deals with "noisy" neighbors. A specific sort of NSFW noisy, if you get my meaning. Dude, we learned a long time ago bare boards stink at bouncing quarters. You'll have a much easier time with a hardened surface like a piece of countertop or something.

Posted by scott at 12:56 PM eMail this entry!
A Great Høt Rød

Given enough time, not only will people think of basically everything, they'll build it, too. Witness the V8 Volvo sedan. Complete with a fresh primer finish! I'm smiling a bit broader here because not yesterday we saw a set of very expensive rims with ultra low-profile tires mounted on a different Volvo. It was a station wagon.

Posted by scott at 11:44 AM eMail this entry!
Violent Silliness

Hey, I wouldn't be a guy if I didn't occasionally engage in ridiculous childishness every once in awhile. And yes, the guy probably needs to see a psychiatrist or something. Then again, don't we all?

Posted by scott at 06:54 AM eMail this entry!
January 29, 2012
Oh Yeah! Dance On!

Why yes, I DID record this man dancing. He did this for a full half hour too.

Posted by Ellen at 05:39 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 05:36 PM eMail this entry!
January 28, 2012
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World

A friend on Facebook was talking about voice mail strangeness recently, but it was of the "wtf are you calling me at 7 am when I don't get in until 8" variety. I wanted to show her what REAL weirdness was, but when I went looking I couldn't find my favorite message. It'd vanished. Now it's back. The beeps are my own edits to remove genuinely personal information. So sit back and take a listen to what genuine wackiness sounds like.

This was my original entry:

One of the unexpected perqs of my previous job was the deliriously loopy phone messages I would sometimes find in my voice mail. Sometimes they were scary, sometimes they were incoherent, usually they were harmless but entertaining. The effort put into them was occasionally impressive, as was the time when every single person in the organization got the exact same 3 minute message, a message obviously NOT written down but memorized exactly, five times in a row. We later figured he started at about 8 pm and finished up some time after 3 am the next morning.
Posted by scott at 10:27 AM eMail this entry!
January 25, 2012
Perfectly Normal, Perfectly Healthy

Frank J. Fleming: "But how do people react to seeing millions more on food stamps? It’s not the logical, “Yay — look at all the new people I get to help with my tax dollars!” No, it’s irrational yelling about all the extra people dependent on government. To which I ask: What’s so wrong with being dependent on government?

Posted by scott at 10:38 AM eMail this entry!
January 22, 2012
See Ya!

I'm sorry. It's funny.

Posted by Ellen at 06:57 PM eMail this entry!
January 21, 2012
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 03:16 PM eMail this entry!
January 19, 2012
Say What?

Yes, people really do talk like this around here. Hell, I talk like this around here.

Posted by scott at 02:21 PM eMail this entry!
January 18, 2012
Short for a Stormtrooper, Tall for a Cake

Who knew the Empire's minions could be delicious? I wouldn't feel ridiculous applauding this guy's armor. I'd be too busy munching on it. And who would've thought of a "cake" made out of rice crispy treats? My kind of sweet!

Posted by scott at 01:25 PM eMail this entry!
January 17, 2012
Apples Falling From the Sky

Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good iPad like that. I know of at least two people who would dance around like you'd tied their kid to that balloon, waiting for it to fall to earth. I'd pay money to watch how they'd react to a successful recovery.

Posted by scott at 12:31 PM eMail this entry!
January 12, 2012
I'm Pretty Sure It's Not Supposed to Do That

Hey, man, they're show cars. Sometimes things go wrong with show cars. Unfortunately this one won't work anymore, because all the magic smoke got out. With video!

Posted by scott at 12:10 PM eMail this entry!
January 11, 2012
Well, That's Good to Know

Iran is now claiming to have downed that drone by using flying saucers and tractor beams. And when they say "flying saucers and tractor beams," the actually mean... well, flying saucers and tractor beams, actually. No, really!

Me, I'm keeping my money on the "software bug/hardware fault that left it stuck using GPS instead of its jam-proof internal navigation" square.

Posted by scott at 06:23 AM eMail this entry!
January 10, 2012
Well, That's What it Is!

Engrish strikes again with a rather amusing/startling take on how to advertise a sale. I thought Ellen was the only one who talked that way, you know, to Amber and stuff. Somewhere in Japan there's a lot of bowing going on, and hopefully an English-speaking gaijin will get a new job.

Posted by scott at 12:14 PM eMail this entry!
January 09, 2012
Fun with Pictures

Fark started up an epic picture thread for those in mourning over the weekend's playoff results. Some of them were pretty good:

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Go pick out your favorites!

Posted by scott at 03:44 PM eMail this entry!
January 06, 2012
Junk in an Ancient Trunk

It would appear the ancients were no more interested in being "green" than (most of) the rest of us. The main differences, of course, were that there were a helluva lot fewer of them, and their trash typically was biodegradable. Oh, and don't miss the much older and only vaguely related article that relates how teenaged boys haven't changed a damned bit in 35,000 years.

Posted by scott at 03:32 PM eMail this entry!
When Ceiling Fans Attack

Actually, it's when ceiling fans attack idiots. The sound it makes is what really sells "teh funnay." Worst I ever did was shove a beer glass into one, around when I was this kid's age. It went off like a bomb, but nobody got hurt. This kid, not so much. His follow up shows he's got charm instead of brains. Looks like the ceiling fan is fine, although I wonder if the balance might be a little off now.

Posted by scott at 06:52 AM eMail this entry!
January 05, 2012
HOTL, Get Yer HOTL Here!

Fark has announced its "Headlines of the Year" awards, and as usual they're worthy winners. My personal favorite: "What's the new rage in protesting, if you're a monk in China? Why, setting yourself on fire, of course. It's been done before. But monk he see, monk he do."

Posted by scott at 08:30 AM eMail this entry!
December 25, 2011
Aunt Chippy Wraps Some Presents

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December 22, 2011
12 Days Of Christmas Pet Style!

Jupiter the cat and his friends sing their latest hit!

Posted by Ellen at 06:35 AM eMail this entry!
December 21, 2011
Just Don't Drop It

It never ceases to amaze me that, after a lifelong study of WWII aviation, there are still things out there to be discovered. Can't do that as easily nowadays, since I'm pretty sure wood (or even metal) won't stand up all that well hanging from a modern jet fighter. Then again, maybe a scrubbed-out drop tank would do the trick.

Posted by scott at 04:05 PM eMail this entry!
December 20, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 09:58 PM eMail this entry!
December 19, 2011
Tacky? Me?

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No, I'm Buddhist. It means I'm coming back as a bug, not going to a "heated room."

Posted by scott at 11:59 AM eMail this entry!
December 17, 2011
Not Your Average Snowmen

Posted by Ellen at 05:35 PM eMail this entry!
December 16, 2011
Ho-Ho- OH NO!!!!

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You Light Them All From Your Left

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December 14, 2011
Meant to Do That!

Today's "head explodes with candy" moment comes to us courtesy of a clumsy panda cub. As if there's any other sort of panda cub. Looks like the panda's fine. I guess they bounce pretty well at that age.

Posted by scott at 06:54 AM eMail this entry!
December 12, 2011
Piggybank of America

Witness the wonders of finance in a multi-child household. Because Olivia's our only one, our jobs are much simplified. Which is not an accident. She tends to trade on good behavior and grades to get what she wants. We're fine with that, it provides the right incentives.

Posted by scott at 11:44 AM eMail this entry!
December 11, 2011
Stamo's Guide to Snuggling

Posted by Ellen at 03:11 PM eMail this entry!
A Sequel, for the Rest of Us

Chris W. gets a no-prize that'll fizz when he shakes it for bringing us the latest antics of those diet soda guys. It definitely looks like Coke Zero has more energy in it than Diet Coke. That trigger mechanism seems pretty cool, too. I wonder what those plastic rods are for?

Posted by scott at 08:28 AM eMail this entry!
December 09, 2011
It's Time to Play the Music, Comrade

This just in: the Muppets are a Marxist front organization. An amusing example of people taking themselves way too seriously, or an embarrassing example of my side coughing up the ball? I guess it all depends on which side of the peanut gallery you're sitting.

Posted by scott at 12:24 PM eMail this entry!
December 07, 2011
Tonka Truck

Great. Now we'll start seeing ridiculous little pickup trucks wandering around the mall soon. These cars make sense in the downtown of the dense ancient cities of Europe, which naturally means they're quite common in my suburban Virginia environs. It must be a damned interesting commute in one of these things on the toll road, that's all I'm saying.

Posted by scott at 04:15 PM eMail this entry!
Cannonball Run

Fans of the show will nod and note it was really only a matter of time: the Mythbusters finally blew a hole in the wall of someone's house. Nobody was hurt, but I'm sure their insurance company is not in a happy place right now. Here's to hoping they're able to keep doing the show!

Posted by scott at 06:31 AM eMail this entry!
December 06, 2011
Which One O' Youz da U Boat Captain?

Lord bless this, thy Wikipedia, without which we would never have known about the U-boat that visited Rhode Island before setting back out to sea and sinking six freighters, in daylight, on the surface, surrounded by US destroyers. Funny because, remarkably, absolutely no-one got hurt in the operation. Remarkably, U-53 survived the war and died "in its bed," turned into razorblades in 1922.

Posted by scott at 11:45 AM eMail this entry!
December 05, 2011
That's Some Expensive Pasta

Funny because nobody got seriously hurt: an exotic car outing ends in a spectacular smash-up. The cars are expensive not just because they're fast. Some of that engineering definitely goes into making them safer. In other words, if you're going to have a crash going 100+ mph, you could do a lot worse than one of these.

Japan is famous for being ultra-strict on speeders. It wouldn't surprise me if people ended up in jail over this.

Posted by scott at 09:49 AM eMail this entry!
December 04, 2011
Infommercial Only Shown At 3 AM

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December 02, 2011
Epic Featherbed

Amazing it's only been a year, but Damn You Autocorrect is celebrating it in style. I'm still not completely convinced any of them are real, but Ellen goofs autocorrect often enough to make me think it's plausible. Me? I've got one of those slide-out keyboards on my phone for a reason.

Posted by scott at 06:33 AM eMail this entry!
November 30, 2011
But Did He Shoot First?

Ok, I gotta hand it to the guys over at ThinkGeek. This is really clever. Thing is, I'm pretty sure they take their models from their general staff. Which means that lady... well, that lady probably has to deal with a lot of requests for metal bikinis, if ya know wha' I mean...

Posted by scott at 07:07 PM eMail this entry!
November 28, 2011
Acting on the Field

I'm really sad they didn't make the end of this clip into a slow-mo instant replay. Funny, but basketball and soccer both have it all over these guys. Hey, what's a little drama among friends?

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November 25, 2011
Tourettes Karaoke

Some people take medicine, this man does karaoke!

Posted by Ellen at 07:45 PM eMail this entry!
November 23, 2011
Let Them Sparkly Bells Ring

Coming to a bridal shower near you: Bella's Twilight wedding dress is now for sale. I think Amber will need to renew her vows for this one.

Posted by scott at 07:18 AM eMail this entry!
November 17, 2011
Poof Ping

News you can use: women's "gaydar" accuracy varies with their hormonal cycle. Can't be true. Requires women to be wrong, which all married men know just doesn't happen.

Posted by scott at 06:28 AM eMail this entry!
November 16, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 07:06 AM eMail this entry!
October 30, 2011
Yep, for sure!

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Posted by scott at 06:55 PM eMail this entry!
October 29, 2011
Ellen's Life, Let Me Show You It

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Posted by scott at 07:02 PM eMail this entry!
Weighty Knowledge

This just in: Amazon's Kindle reader actually weighs more when it's full of books. Admittedly, not much more, but it does make for a nifty scientific prediction. First, though, we have to find a scale that can measure in attograms. Yeah, you heard me. I did spell it right!

Posted by scott at 12:15 PM eMail this entry!
October 28, 2011
As *IF*

Fark, irreverent? No way: "Catholic Mass liturgy to change for the first time since the 60's; will now include segment where the faithful say "Pie Iesu domine" and hit themselves in the forehead with a board." Linking to this story.

Posted by scott at 05:41 PM eMail this entry!
October 27, 2011
When Costumes Attack

So, how many Internet memes can you spot? My pop-culture-fu is weakening, I had to read the caption on nearly all of them. I did think "Asian father" and "the real 1%" were funny.

Posted by scott at 04:23 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

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Via Cobb.

Posted by scott at 07:01 AM eMail this entry!
October 21, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

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Miss USA and Math

While we here at AMCGLTD are perfectly aware this is parody. Or is it?

Posted by Ellen at 05:11 AM eMail this entry!
October 19, 2011
Now That's Fresh Produce

Only in Alaska: grocery store business stopped due to bear cub in the produce section. Me, I'd be much, MUCH, more worried about where momma bear was at that particular moment. Then again, it's nice to see it's not just human babies that can end up in the damnedest places when you turn your back on them.

Posted by scott at 07:04 PM eMail this entry!
October 12, 2011
You Are Here... Maybe

A family got so lost in a corn maze (maise maze?) they had to call 911 to be rescued. Pro tip: if you never want to get lost in a maze again, hold a finger against a wall and keep it there as you walk. You will find the center, and your way out. I got that from an old AD&D manual decades ago, but I have tried it and it does work. If I jog I can usually beat the "expert" time easily.

Posted by scott at 03:50 PM eMail this entry!
October 11, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

Mike J. gets a no-prize that's a-changin' for bringing us this most welcome riposte.

Posted by scott at 06:29 AM eMail this entry!
October 07, 2011
Your Thought for the Day
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October 03, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 10:53 AM eMail this entry!
Your Thought Of The Day-Map Version

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Posted by Ellen at 05:40 AM eMail this entry!
September 21, 2011
I GOt Your Protest, Right Here

As expected, the Foo Fighters were creative in their response to the Westboro wackos' protest. Still, doesn't quite seem fair to get front seats to an ipromptu concert just because you're a nutjob. Ah, well.

Posted by scott at 06:41 AM eMail this entry!
September 15, 2011
A Møøse once Stole My Svenge Set

No, realli! He was Karving his way tru apples using the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush... What? You didn't really think I'd let another chance to make Holy Grail references go by, did you? Just wait until I break out the llamas!

Posted by scott at 01:16 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

Indeed.

Posted by scott at 06:46 AM eMail this entry!
September 12, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

var Picture = Words(1000);

Posted by scott at 08:55 AM eMail this entry!
September 09, 2011
Even More Fun with Signs

The hits keep coming in this collection of cleverly defaced signs. This time, with even more "STOP: HAMMERTIME" goodness!

Posted by scott at 08:44 AM eMail this entry!
Kevin? Is That You?

It's like something out of a cartoon: inventor found blackened, wandering the street in his underwear, after blowing up his own house. I've long known stills could be finicky, but I had no idea they were explosively dangerous. In other news, it's perfectly legal to run your own still in the UK. Try that in the US, and the revenuers'll come a-knockin'...

Posted by scott at 08:37 AM eMail this entry!
September 07, 2011
Tornado in Amsterdam, NY

Hundreds feared dead.

Why?

It hit a cemetary.

With 32 fun photos!

Posted by Ellen at 08:28 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 06:47 PM eMail this entry!
A T-Shirt, for the Rest of Us

Why yes, yes we are. And we'll be seeing you next November, you can be damned sure of that. Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 09:18 AM eMail this entry!
September 02, 2011
Cheech and Chong in the Office

I always tend to steer clear of the "free food in the breakroom" phenomenon, but that's just because I'm a recovering picky eater. Now I know there are even better reasons to be cautious. Or, on reflection, perhaps hidden bonuses? Sort of like a real-life version of finding hidden coins in a Mario Brother's game?

Posted by scott at 06:39 AM eMail this entry!
September 01, 2011
A Flow Chart, for the Rest of Us

Knowing fanatics who follow their respective teams, well, fanatically, I thought the paths to the Cowboys and the Redskins were particularly appropriate. Me? Yeah, ok, I root for the 'skins, but that's because they're the home team. Hell, if I lived in Dallas, I'd be all blue and silver most likely. College football is where I have genuine loyalty. Go Hogs!

Posted by scott at 09:55 AM eMail this entry!
August 31, 2011
Must've Been That Left Turn at Albuquerque

No wonder they can't find Kadaffi! Me, I'm surprised CNN can find its butt with both hands and a map sometimes.

Posted by scott at 10:03 AM eMail this entry!
August 30, 2011
Stay The Night

Possibly one of the funniest 80's videos out there!

I should mention we splurged. We spent an entire $8 on Amazon for this CD! Chicago 17 FTW!

Posted by Ellen at 09:36 PM eMail this entry!
August 27, 2011
A Race, for the Rest of Us

Motivation? You need motivation to exercise, punk? All right, how about 5k's worth of obstacles and zombies? That's right, maggot, zombies! DO YOU FEEL LIKE RUNNING NOW?!? DO YOU?!?

Posted by scott at 10:13 AM eMail this entry!
August 24, 2011
Better than Def Leppard

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August 23, 2011
The Hits Keep Coming

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Posted by scott at 06:00 PM eMail this entry!
Fark, FTW!

In the wake of the DC earthquake, is it too early to ask what Obama did wrong?

Gotta love dem farkers.

Posted by scott at 05:56 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 03:46 PM eMail this entry!
August 22, 2011
Headline Fail

Exactly how this got past the editors I'm not so sure: a Haaretz report on a Jewish youth singing competition in Israel ended up with the headline, Who will be Israel's next Jewish idol?. I dunno, I guess it's just me, but the first thing I thought of was, "wait, are they going to paint them gold? Is an angry old Jew going to come down a mountain and throw stone tablets at everyone?"

Posted by scott at 10:20 AM eMail this entry!
August 19, 2011
Low Clearance

It's bad enough when a truck driver doesn't pay attention to clearance signs before passing under a bridge. It's even less fortunate when the truck is carrying cars. Expensive cars. The underpass in front of my college's student union would snare trucks with some regularity, and it had the gouges in the ceiling to prove it. I think they eventually lowered the road to stop it from happening.

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM eMail this entry!
August 16, 2011
When Lucy Sets the Ball

Football season is clearly upon us when the plaintive cry, "love the Redskins! They won't suck this year! We Promise!" rings all the way to the Shenandoah valley. I had to double-check the byline to make sure Redskins fanatic Chris didn't actually write it.

Yeah, right, I know I know. When Redskins fans engage in myopic hope whilst dancing on the edge of the abyss, it's sad. When Cowboys fans do it, it's a factual step onto the plains of paradise. Until it isn't. Every year.

Posted by scott at 12:39 PM eMail this entry!
The Biggest Nom!

cute baby animals - Acting Like Animals: The Biggest Nom, the Widest Mouth
see more Daily Squee
Posted by Ellen at 06:45 AM eMail this entry!
August 14, 2011
Why NASA Never Gets Anywhere
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Posted by scott at 05:03 PM eMail this entry!
August 12, 2011
~ Signs, Signs / Everywhere There's Signs ~

We've actually seen the one with the button and the bacon. Put it this way, beats the heck out of setting a police car on fire.

I think.

Posted by scott at 02:14 PM eMail this entry!
Fun with Pictures

Planking is so last May. Now we have "horsemaning." Pictures of seemingly headless belly dancers in costume will, of course, be on their way as soon as Laura and Ellen do another show together.

Posted by scott at 07:08 AM eMail this entry!
August 09, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

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I have to laugh to keep from cryin'.

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 08:30 AM eMail this entry!
August 08, 2011
Dinosaurs. Satan's Pets. News at 11.

"I am a little shocked. She says she is a Christian, but the Bible doesn't say anything about dinosaurs. Should I let him keep them, as long as he understands that dinosaurs aren't real? Even the PBS shows that he watches talk about dinosaurs and evolution, and how the scientists found these "bones" but the Bible doesn't say that God ever created them, and the earth is only 6,000 years old, not old enough to have "bones" that they say are MILLIONS of years old! I know that Satan tries to trick us in many ways, and this is one way that he tries to fool man into believing that there isn't a God who created the universe. How can they be bones when they are made out of ROCKS? I told my son that dinosaurs are one of Satan's many ways of tricking man, and he must talk to God before he plays with them. Am I handling this right? My first 3 were all girls, and I adopted boys, and lots of mothers tell me that boys are often attracted to these dinosaurs. So I don't know what to do. Is this just harmless fantasy play for him, or should I be worried that he may go on to believe in things like evolution?"

Really? There are still people out there like this?

Don't forget to read the comments! Those are always the best!

Posted by Ellen at 05:42 AM eMail this entry!
August 06, 2011
When Fail is Spelled, "D-Q"

I think the judges just didn't like his technique. I don't remember that sort of thing resulting in a DQ, but memory may be failing or they may have changed the rules. Sometimes the trigger is just too hairy.

Posted by scott at 05:45 PM eMail this entry!
August 04, 2011
Angry Boobs

So, does the "Angry Birds Bra" mean they've jumped the shark, or is there more to come?(SFW) Or, you know, support... something like that. Now, if it falls apart as quickly as one of the puzzles, I may find it more interesting.

Posted by scott at 08:10 AM eMail this entry!
July 30, 2011
Ta-Da!

Blonde + Bentley + Monaco = Ferrari - Aston Martin - Porsche. The price of beauty is high. The price of beauty behind the wheel of an expensive luxury car driving down the streets of Monaco is quite a bit higher. "Like the fist of an angry god..."

Posted by scott at 07:23 AM eMail this entry!
July 29, 2011
Going Out Of Biz, Everything Must Go

Iowahawk: The end is nigh, and yeah, they shall tweet about it. I'd have no problem forcing policy wonks to live by their own wits, precisely because of the predicted outcome. And who knew the number 4 would make a good shiv?

Posted by scott at 11:31 AM eMail this entry!
Constitutional Nuts

A woman who refuses to pay more than $400 in fines because a cop found the plastic testicles hanging from her car obscene has set the blogosphere a-chattering. I think they're funny because they gross Ellen out. I'm classy that way.

Posted by scott at 07:18 AM eMail this entry!
July 19, 2011
When Aerobics Attack

This just in: vibrations caused by a Tae Bo workout caused the evacuation of an office tower in South Korea. Fitness nuts Ellen and Suzanne call that "vigorous." I tried Tae-Bo once, but I don't have the balance or coordination. I gave up on aerobics the third time one of Ellen's videos told me "you'll look great in your summer dress!" Biking, that's my ticket.

Posted by scott at 06:16 PM eMail this entry!
July 18, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

This one goes out to all my pun-loving friends...

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Posted by scott at 09:32 PM eMail this entry!
Ron? Is That You?

Recently Ron and Amber noted they saw an elderly version of themselves sitting at a Bob Evans. Now I've found a picture of what one of them will look like shortly after that. Or, you know, if Ron actually does manage to roll his Datsun off the edge of a cliff or something. I'm sure there are people who've had Razorback-themed funerals. I just can't find pictures of them.

Posted by scott at 06:41 AM eMail this entry!
Here We Go Again

Now that "planking" seems to have run its course, we now have "leisure diving." Ellen and Laura, you now have your new mission. Not sure if the belly dance costumes will handle this silliness as well.

Posted by scott at 06:31 AM eMail this entry!
July 17, 2011
I'm a Very, Very Bad Person

Ellen's favorite local new channel really hit it out of the park choosing the clipart for this story. I especially like the little bubbles. What? Well of course they'll serve beer in hell.

Posted by scott at 08:35 AM eMail this entry!
July 16, 2011
Speaking of TV Fail...

... and then there's the guy who couldn't quite untangle himself from the reporter's wires. Bonus: wearing a water-powered jet pack. I must admit that thing looks pretty sweet.

Posted by scott at 09:00 AM eMail this entry!
When Live TV Attacks

Ever wonder just how many different ways a live morning TV segment can go wrong? Wonder no more. Jeff gets the coveted Donald Duck no-prize for bringing us yet another example of how Australian TV is so cool.

Posted by scott at 08:53 AM eMail this entry!
July 13, 2011
When Yankees Attack Texans

From the land that brought Ellen's 9 year old sister giggling outside to ask me if my dad fed me squirrels... a Manhattan restaurant is serving a "Texan" sandwich that would be unrecognizable to anyone actually living in the state. Per usual, New Yorkers manage to make something annoying yet strangely compelling at the same time.

Posted by scott at 10:44 PM eMail this entry!
July 12, 2011
When Rich White Parents Attack

Dang, I'm slowing down... I've only said 4 of these 9 things "you should never say to a child" to Olivia. "If you don't clean you're room I'll kill you and make another one just like you" and "if you don't go across this walkway I'm going to toss you off it" were strangely absent. Bonus points?

Posted by scott at 06:22 PM eMail this entry!
July 11, 2011
Silly Signs

Well, what do you see in this collection of signs and advertisements? I only see advertisements, I don't know what the rest of you are going on about. My story, sticking to it, you sickos...

Posted by scott at 06:24 AM eMail this entry!
June 30, 2011
You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up

Convalescents get bored, I provide: The Jefferson County Sheriff's Department said the man and a woman were in the process of burglarizing the garage on Glade Chapel Road, in Hillsboro, when they decided to have sex. While having sex, the woman sprayed the man with pepper spray. And that, folks, is how to have a party.

Posted by scott at 10:13 PM eMail this entry!
June 29, 2011
In Soviet Russia, Shark Jumps You

No, really, the shark jumped over the guy. There's a nursery rhyme in there somewhere, I'm just not clever enough to tease it out. Yet another reason to stick to swimming pools and water parks, far as I'm concerned.

Posted by scott at 10:53 AM eMail this entry!
June 28, 2011
Missed it!

Our Geek-Fu is... weak! We missed Tau Day! In our defense, neither one of us has mad math skillz. My last math class was college algebra, twenty-five years ago. I got a C-. Ellen says she passed calculus 1, but only by blinking big hazel eyes at the instructor.

3... 2... 1...

Posted by scott at 08:50 PM eMail this entry!
June 23, 2011
BOK BOK, M- F- 'er!

It's nice to see I'm not the only one married to a insurgent shopper. Suicide bargain hunters, even. The sound you heard was Ellen's and Amber's heads exploding at all the inappropriate jokes they could make to each other over the phone, scandalizing their co-workers.

Posted by scott at 05:15 PM eMail this entry!
When Microphones Attack

Personally, I like it better when politicians spew near an open mike, but this guy gets bonus points for airing out his private thoughts over an air traffic control channel. I guess it could be worse. He could've done it with the cabin mike open instead. Man, I tell you, those Southwest flights really can get interesting!

Posted by scott at 11:51 AM eMail this entry!
June 21, 2011
Perform This Way

Weird Al is just BRILLIANT!

Posted by Ellen at 08:08 PM eMail this entry!
June 17, 2011
Oh NOES!!!

Chris W. will be inconsolable, now that "Friday" has been removed, possibly for good. Of course, that means he'll go off and find something worse. Come back, Rebecca! Please, come back!

Posted by scott at 06:53 AM eMail this entry!
June 16, 2011
Me & Ellen in 2051

The best part is, Ellen doesn't think these people have an accent. Because they don't. New Yorkers make the rules, and those are the rules. Just ask Ellen! Or the Queen Mutha!

Posted by scott at 05:46 PM eMail this entry!
A List... Eat It!

Weird Al seems to have been given one of those quick-hit surveys by one of Amber's most-favorite magazines, and the results are pretty much what you'd expect. That PIN number info'll probably come in handy. The Social Security number will, too!

Posted by scott at 03:57 PM eMail this entry!
June 15, 2011
Frenzy-Gate

Look, if Jon Stewart is sending up the media's latest attempt to bury Sarah Palin once and for all, that pretty much means it's "stick-a-fork-in-it" time. Even UK newspapers have noticed the frenzied non-event may have unintended consequences for the MSM. Liberals, and unintended consequences? Say it ain't so!

Posted by scott at 07:06 AM eMail this entry!
June 13, 2011
Bah. That's not a Real Education

Ha! From experience, I know the difference between Southern BBQ and Yankee grilling is not technique. It's blinking at the "mutha-in-loowa" who insists there's nothing wrong and we should just eat around the squirrel's claw marks. Good times, good times...

Posted by scott at 10:02 PM eMail this entry!
The More You Know...

Oh, how many people do I know who "sound" like this? "I think even crazy people are aware of Godwin’s Law by now; they are just too crazy to care. Fight it. One easy way to identify yourself as crazy is to have no sense of scale. To a crazy person, every little bit of nonsense is a crisis of epic proportions that has to be handled right now."

What's that you say? Me? How dare you! When I declare something is a CRISIS, it's a DAMNED CRISIS!

Posted by scott at 07:02 AM eMail this entry!
June 11, 2011
Heheheheh... *gasp* ... Heheheheheheh

You'd think someone on the staff would've pointed out the obvious problem to the Des Plaines folks that people might misunderstand their "I *heart* DP" campaign. Sorry, if you don't get it either I'm not explaining. Just make sure you have safe search set to "max" when you try to look it up. At home. Site itself is SFW.

Posted by scott at 08:03 AM eMail this entry!
June 10, 2011
~ Tiny Toros, in the Sand ~

And now, midget bullfighting. Oh, don't worry, no cattle were harmed in the making of the show. It's a living.

Posted by scott at 06:26 AM eMail this entry!
June 09, 2011
Ellen & Amber When They Were 19

Oh who am I kidding? I was dating Ellen when she was 19. Her actual video would've involved just as much emotion, but many... many... more f-bombs and gestures. Amber, however...

(Yes, I'm pretty sure it's fake, too. But it's funny!)

Posted by scott at 07:08 PM eMail this entry!
Fail, Sweet Sweet Fail

There's a reason motorcycles and bicycles have a front and rear brake. Unfortunately this guy seems to have forgotten that reason. Oh, he's fine. His crotch rocket looks to be at least mostly fine, too.

Posted by scott at 03:00 PM eMail this entry!
June 08, 2011
The More You Know...

Remember, folks, when in Indiana don't fear the space rays. No, really! It's gotta be a movie prop or something. The best this area can do is a, "Caution: Deaf Pedestrain" sign just off the south end of North Capitol street in the District, I think.

Posted by scott at 06:23 AM eMail this entry!
June 07, 2011
Best. Weiner. Headline. Evar

I link this because Ellen giggles every time the subject comes up: Erections have consequences!

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Posted by scott at 08:21 AM eMail this entry!
Hey! Wildlife Needs a Break Too, Ya Know?

Is that a bear in your hot tub? Actually, it was more like the bear found itself a convenient watering hole surrounded by an inconvenient fence. So, hot tub owners, next time you find yourself annoyed at cleaning the bugs out, just remember it could be worse!

Posted by scott at 08:06 AM eMail this entry!
June 06, 2011
Wrong Sort of Wings

I'd propose it to Fark, but it'd never get greenlit: Man fails attempting to leap over red bull. This is not a repeat from 2500 BC. Or BCE, if that's your cup o' tea. With video!

Posted by scott at 09:26 AM eMail this entry!
June 04, 2011
Wave At The Bus!

This blog is genuinely funny.

Possibly the BEST way to embarrass your kid, but when they are older they will look back and think what a cool person you really were.

Posted by Ellen at 04:15 PM eMail this entry!
May 31, 2011
Consequences Are For Little People

The UK's new environmental taxes are threatening green energy research. You must understand taxes aren't supposed to be paid by everyone, just by the people we don't like. No, really, check out the comments, that's what they're saying.

Posted by scott at 09:20 AM eMail this entry!
Smooth Move

And today's desperate attempt at free publicity is (spins wheel) ... ramming a police cruiser and getting taken into custody. There may not have been alcohol involved, but I definitely suspect cynicism might have been. Then again, it got us to link it up, so I guess it worked.

Posted by scott at 06:48 AM eMail this entry!
May 30, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

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Stolen from here...
Posted by scott at 04:44 PM eMail this entry!
May 27, 2011
He Just Better Be the *ONLY* Son of God

Sorry lady, you're 2,000 years and one Jewish baby short for that excuse to work. Blasphemy? US??? Oh, hell, I'm a heathen. I don't even play by your rules...

Posted by scott at 10:15 PM eMail this entry!
Not Your Average Stray

Only in Florida: 10 year old boy drags 6 foot crocodile home with him. Nobody got hurt, not even the should-have-been handbag set.

Posted by scott at 06:25 AM eMail this entry!
May 26, 2011
Listing Motorcycle

While I, personally, was given an ingrained fear of all things motorcycle by my parents long ago, a few of my friends actually own the things and Ellen still wants one. For them, I figured this list of 6 things nobody tells you about owning a motorcycle might be interesting. I can state for a fact the thing about bugs goes for convertibles as well.

Posted by scott at 10:41 AM eMail this entry!
May 25, 2011
The Copyright Violation is Strong with This One

For yet another entry in the, "I'm surprised it's taken this long" file we have the Grillenium Falcon food truck. Bonus: It's located in the same town as my Alma-Mater, Fayetteville Arkansas. I'll call this one an "under the radar fail."

Posted by scott at 04:07 PM eMail this entry!
May 21, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 06:51 PM eMail this entry!
May 20, 2011
Tacky? Us???

I'm not at all sure how many of these "unintentionally sexual church signs" are for-real, but I'm figuring they're not all fake. Which just makes it that much funnier. It definitely makes them more interesting than what's outside the Ballston Methodist church, that's for sure.

Posted by scott at 06:55 AM eMail this entry!
That's a Party! Really!

A German insurance company recently held an orgy to reward their most successful salesmen. Now that's what you call an incentive. Yes, I said incentive. Oh, stop giggling. And put some pants on.

Posted by scott at 06:15 AM eMail this entry!
May 13, 2011
Not Just Busted, Bat'leth Busted

I'm actually surprised a US news crew didn't try a stunt like this. You'd think there'd be nearly as many nerds on a German TV news crew as there would be here in the US. Then again, I wouldn't put this past any engineer who sick of the pretty people he or she is supporting.

Posted by scott at 05:10 PM eMail this entry!
May 10, 2011
Possibly The Best Shake Weight News Segment EVAR!

Posted by Ellen at 07:04 AM eMail this entry!
May 09, 2011
Fish Gotta Swim, Dogs Gotta Ride

Mark gets a no-prize that wants steak for bringing us this creative example of pet transportation. It'll be all good until some motorized rickshaw blunders into his path. Then again, I guess they're as safe as he is.

Posted by scott at 06:21 AM eMail this entry!
May 08, 2011
Anothere Breek in De Whall

Posted by scott at 02:52 PM eMail this entry!
May 07, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

Conflict: we haz it...

Posted by scott at 03:22 PM eMail this entry!
May 05, 2011
Ultimate Dog Tease!

Posted by Ellen at 05:44 PM eMail this entry!
Heh...

Since it seems some of you were not his friend, we're happy to present Osama's last Facebook post. I'm pretty sure "like" isn't too strong a word for how we feel...

Posted by scott at 07:11 AM eMail this entry!
May 04, 2011
Must.. Make... Friends... Heads... Explode...

Why yes, we will link up Miley Cyrus covering 'Smells Like Teen Spirit,' and thank you for asking! It'd probably be better if she wasn't actually trying to hit the pitch, but I guess chicks just aren't strung together right to pull off growling in key.

Posted by scott at 06:56 PM eMail this entry!
Honey Badger Goodness

It's really badass!

Posted by Ellen at 05:49 AM eMail this entry!
May 03, 2011
Oh Lord, Thank You for Fark

Sometimes there's just no improving it: In West Virginia news, a man, dressed in bra and panties and high on bath salts, kills his neighbors' goat. With helpful, SFW, picture of what someone like that would look like. Look, I always figured West Virginia could be a boring place, but I had no idea...

Posted by scott at 06:19 PM eMail this entry!
What a Review

Observation: a dinky little reality show recently broadcast its second season's finale. Reviewer's conclusion: "Undercover Boss has, in effect, unwittingly endorsed the eradication of the middle class." No, really, that's what the dude wrote! Go for the smarmy, "I didn't spend a semester on Western Civ for nothing" review. Stay to watch the moonbats settle 'round his belfry and wave their red flags with abandon.

Posted by scott at 12:23 PM eMail this entry!
May 02, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 06:23 PM eMail this entry!
April 30, 2011
When Pavement Attacks

Hey, ya know those 24 packs are darned hard to run with! Why yes, it is a video of an idiot trying to make off with a case of beer and tasting pavement instead. I especially like how the getaway car had to sit and wait for traffic to clear. Smooth guys, real smooth.

Posted by scott at 12:39 PM eMail this entry!
April 27, 2011
Welcome to the High End. Please Keep Hands and Feet Inside at All Times

Reviewer's take: "The Elite D6 is a surprisingly good player and one that delivers much more bang than I expected from a low-priced component. " MSRP: $700. Yes, folks, that's what the high end thinks is low priced. What? Well of course I want one. It's got such a low price!

(No, really, I actually do want one. Maybe I can pick one up used on E-bay...)

Posted by scott at 06:21 PM eMail this entry!
Well, Yes... Aren't Yours?

Everyone's favorite "Onion Turned Christian" website has asked a question to which we all want the answer: Are Your Children Playing With Lucifer's Testicles? These people have been at it for, what, ten years at least?

Posted by scott at 06:38 AM eMail this entry!
... Assuming He Survived the Freezing Process

And now, a Steve Jobs encased in carbonite iPhone case. Thing is, I can absolutely see all the legions of Apple-heads say the same wistful, "I love you" line that Fisher did in the movie. I can also definitely see Jobs making the same reply that Ford's Solo made.

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM eMail this entry!
April 25, 2011
Busted

Alternative headline: Karma's a biatch, don't you know. Being the UK, I don't think the incident was kept quiet to protect the identities of the SAS men. I think it was kept quiet to ensure the nanny state's police didn't arrest them. Those criminals could've been seriously injured!

Posted by scott at 06:38 AM eMail this entry!
April 22, 2011
Pregnant Pause

Alternative title: the smug is strong with this one. There's a problem with portraying a typically obscure state election as a referendum on the END OF THE... WORLD! Sometimes, especially when you're, you know, wrong, sometimes you lose.

Posted by scott at 06:59 AM eMail this entry!
April 21, 2011
That's About Right

Yep, I remember accidentally learning about how sex worked right around the 5th grade, and that was pretty much my reaction.

Posted by scott at 06:51 PM eMail this entry!
April 16, 2011
Oh NOES!!!

Deceit and Calumny! "Veg News has written tens (possibly hundreds) of articles extolling the virtues of a vegan lifestyle, while purchasing rock-bottom priced stock photos of MEAT, EGGS, DAIRY and other completely non-vegan things." Ok, look, your diet, your choice, hell I got no problem if you decide to eat nothing but Converse shoes for the rest of your life. But boy, if those response to pictures don't prove at least some veganism is more about politics and religion than it is about anything else, I'm not sure what will.

Posted by scott at 07:50 AM eMail this entry!
April 15, 2011
Paging Montgomery Scott, White Courtesy Phone Please

April 14, 1945: a skipper loses his submarine because of a malfunctioning toilet. Worse: it was a German U-boat! I thought those people knew how to engineer things!

Posted by scott at 07:20 AM eMail this entry!
April 13, 2011
Hyperbole GAH!!!!!
Posted by Ellen at 08:31 PM eMail this entry!
April 12, 2011
Ellen? Is That You?

No, not Olivia. Olivia's good. Ellen, not so much...

Posted by scott at 08:49 PM eMail this entry!
April 08, 2011
Meanwhile, in Teh Funneh Land...

Posted by scott at 06:56 AM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 06:53 AM eMail this entry!
April 06, 2011
Brings a Whole New Meaning to, "Bare Metal"

I wonder if they prefer business formal for the interview? See, I work with programmers. With very, and I mean very, few exceptions, I can't think of a nicer bunch of folks I'd never want to see naked.

Posted by scott at 06:48 AM eMail this entry!
April 05, 2011
Shoe Elves

I like this show too.

Posted by olivia at 08:06 PM eMail this entry!
That Is A Busy Unicorn

And now for the Serenading Unicorn.

Posted by Ellen at 07:16 PM eMail this entry!
*Laughing So Hard...Hurts...*

Possibly one of the funniest sites I have visited in a long time.

If you have auto correct on your phone, this has happened to you.

Posted by Ellen at 06:53 PM eMail this entry!
Adventure Time

Personally, I think it should be titled, Bill and Ted's Middle Aged Adventure. I guess Reeves must need a new deck on his house or something. This one smells so strongly of turkey I'm surprised it doesn't gobble.

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM eMail this entry!
April 04, 2011
What, You Mean It's Taken Them This Long to Notice?

Captain obvious in a dress: the Vatican is warning that the Internet promotes Satanism. I guess someone finally taught them how to log onto 4chan.

Posted by scott at 06:44 AM eMail this entry!
April 01, 2011
The More You Know...

F- what Obama's birth certificate reveals about his eligibility for office. What's really needed is some insight into what can be done if he turns into a zombie. The Constitution even covers this contingency! What a document!

Posted by scott at 06:41 AM eMail this entry!
March 31, 2011
Part 3!

Thing is, I'm coming around to the idea these things are actually advertisements for iced coffee. Who knew?

Posted by scott at 07:04 AM eMail this entry!
March 30, 2011
Blast From The Past

I totally remember this product!

Posted by Ellen at 09:33 PM eMail this entry!
Wøtch This!

Mark gets a dangerously impractical no-prize for bringing us a bear of a man and his knife-flinging catapult. I dunno. Seems a little short-ranged for a good zombie fight.

Posted by scott at 08:11 PM eMail this entry!
Calumny! Deceit and Calumny!

Dilbert creator Scott Adams cracked a few jokes about chicks, and got the predictably considered, low-key response you'd expect from the usual suspects. Reminds me of how a cat reacts when you tease it. It also provides an amusing example of why most people continue teasing. It's funny precisely because they don't think it is.

Posted by scott at 06:58 AM eMail this entry!
Certainly No Worse Than Yogi Bear

All those things they said about MTV videos are true: they really do look like they were edited by a chimp. Me, I'd like to see a second video showing him actually doing the work, otherwise I'm calling shenanigans.

Posted by scott at 06:41 AM eMail this entry!
March 27, 2011
Will You Be My VBF?

Posted by Ellen at 06:36 PM eMail this entry!
Wait a Second

Mike J. gets a very silly no-prize for bringing us an abject lesson as to why developers should develop, and HR departments should recruit. Funny thing is, my skill set is actually pretty close to what they're looking for. Except for that whole, "other side of the country" thing, that is.

Posted by scott at 10:40 AM eMail this entry!
March 26, 2011
Tiny Terror

Robert H. gets a no-prize that's almost believable for bringing us the live webcam from Sokoblovsky Farms, home of the petite lap giraffe. Really! No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 01:15 PM eMail this entry!
March 23, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

axineOnSeniorHealthCare.jpg

Mark gets a no-prize he can collect as soon as he helps me figure out where my mom went. With a gun.

Posted by scott at 07:19 PM eMail this entry!
March 22, 2011
Another Crappy Little Cartoon

Actually, this innocent, if colorful, cartoon explaining the Fukushima crisis should probably be required viewing for any reporter assigned to the event. It is targeted at their education level, after all... (completely SFW)

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM eMail this entry!
March 19, 2011
Thailand's Got...

Well, it's definitely a talent. And why the heck not, anyway? Just let the vid play until about the 1 minute mark, you'll see. And hear. Completely SFW.

Posted by scott at 08:54 AM eMail this entry!
March 17, 2011
Are You Man Enough?

Tea-hee!

Posted by Ellen at 08:08 PM eMail this entry!
March 16, 2011
Oh My...

And now, a look at what (seems to) pass for sophisticated wedding photography in Russia. I wonder if, since most of their creativity happens in a computer, those photographers are as pushy as the typical wedding photographer is here in the US?

Posted by scott at 07:05 AM eMail this entry!
Stupid Is...

Today's proof that most people turn to crime because they're too dumb to do anything else comes to us courtesy of a guy who actually provided his ID when a teller demanded it before giving him the cash he was there to rob. Bonus: he was on parole for previous violations.

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM eMail this entry!
March 15, 2011
I Bet His Assistant's Name is Aye-Gore

Mike J. gets a no-prize that'll bark along to "Puttin' on the Ritz" for bringing us yet another example of a family sticking to its name no matter what the consequences. Bonus: stuffed-shirt "knees are too sharp" commenter shows up almost immediately.

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM eMail this entry!
March 14, 2011
Why Yes, Actually, It Is

Amidst all the doom and gloom in the world, why not ponder the case of the woman with a monkey in her bra? Article is SFW and includes candy-head-explosion-inducing picture of the tiny perp who violated more than a few courthouse rules.

No, Ellen, you can't have one...

Posted by scott at 01:32 PM eMail this entry!
Look What I Got!

Today's "Facebook is not your friend" story comes to us via a picture of a stolen ring. Ok, it's great they got their stuff back, but this strongly implies the victim and the perp were known to each other.

Posted by scott at 06:45 AM eMail this entry!
March 12, 2011
Iconoclast? Us?

Robert H. gets a very silly no-prize for bringing us a "cereal" adaptation of The Last Supper. Get it? Get it? Cereal??? *TAP* *TAP* *TAP*... is this thing on?

Posted by scott at 07:31 AM eMail this entry!
March 10, 2011
Toddlers, Tiaras & Tom Hanks

Hysterical!! Especially if you have seen the reality show Toddlers in Tiaras.

Posted by Ellen at 04:49 PM eMail this entry!
March 07, 2011
It's So Fluffy I'M GONNA DIE!!!

And now, a baby spider monkey clinging to a plush version of mom. Ellen actually admitted that a s-tty little monkey was cute. Aaand everyone else...

No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 09:19 PM eMail this entry!
Fly To The 80's!

Posted by Ellen at 06:44 PM eMail this entry!
March 06, 2011
I Shall Call It, "VanTanic"

Mark gets the coveted "Rednecks International" no-prize for bringing us even more proof that "practicality to a fault" is not exclusive to the southern United States. Trailers definitely do exist for a reason.

Posted by scott at 12:18 PM eMail this entry!
March 03, 2011
Wakka Wakka Wakka

Mike J. gets a no-prize that'll swallow quarters at an alarming rate for bringing us a look at how some logos resemble... other things (SFW) Heck, I'm not sure there are any more video games that take quarters. Even the ones at Chuckie's only take tokens.

Posted by scott at 06:28 AM eMail this entry!
March 02, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

The song is excellent. The "spelling optional" lyrics just add to the fun. Mark gets a no-prize painted blue that Ellen's ancestors will build a wall across a country to keep away from for bringing us this fine example of Scottish folk music.

Posted by scott at 08:03 PM eMail this entry!
March 01, 2011
More... Memory...

Mike J. gets a no-prize that can only be put down with a well-placed shotgun blast for bringing us the latest in "decorative" flash drives. I'm genuinely amazed it's taken this long for someone to think of this. The potential for various forms of naughtiness alone boggle the mind.

No, Ron, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 06:48 PM eMail this entry!
February 28, 2011
Oh Noes!!!

Looks like even Gadhafi's* hot blond has left him. Includes a picture of what a hot blond might look like if she were stuffed into a giant parka with no makeup on her face and sunglasses hiding her eyes. F'ing tards.

----
* Yes, I'm quite aware this is a different spelling. The spelling of Gadhafi's name in Latin characters has been a running gag in the media for at least twenty-five years now. I'm just going with whatever I find in the article I'm linking.

Posted by scott at 09:59 AM eMail this entry!
Zanga Zanga!

Coming to a dance floor near you: an enterprising Israeli has created a mash-up combining a rapper named "Pitbull" and... Qaddafi. The old wack-a-mole never has looked more entertaining.

Posted by scott at 07:07 AM eMail this entry!
February 27, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

Ahahahahahaahaha.... Silly newbie. The first hit is free!

Once you're hooked, you can't stop.

5 years from now, you'll have 7 different helis in different sizes and levels of repair. You'll have sold your house for parts, your partner will have left (but you won't have noticed) and you'll be quite pleased at the news you've just been fired from your job, as it means more flying time at the club field.

DO NOT MOCK THE TINY CHOPPER!

So saith one of my RC helicopter peeps, when someone else claimed they only wanted ONE little helicopter.

Ok, ladies, I'll go on record here to say it's not cars, it's not trucks, it's not sports, and it's none of YOU that brings the boy out of the man. It's very small radio controlled helicopters. There's a new model due out next week AND GROWN MEN ARE ADMITTING THEY CAN'T SLEEP WAITING FOR IT.

But not me.

My story, and me sticking to it, let me show you...

Posted by scott at 07:59 PM eMail this entry!
February 26, 2011
OhGoodnessGraciousMe

Ron gets a follow-up no-prize for bringing us a new hot link to that We Dare Wii game. Yeah, definitely want to wash the controllers before you start this one. And, you know, after you're done.

Ew.

Posted by scott at 05:52 PM eMail this entry!
February 25, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

"A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read."
— Terry Pratchett (Guards! Guards!)

Posted by scott at 04:17 PM eMail this entry!
February 24, 2011
John Bobbit on Yenta TV

On The Insider, Mr Bobbitt recalled his terror at waking to find his manhood missing. Miss Gallo recounted her own decision to throw the member into a field. 'You drove me to that,' she told him.
I have seen the field where his man part got tossed!

17 years later and we still talk about this!

Posted by Ellen at 07:14 AM eMail this entry!
February 22, 2011
I Like Him. He's Kooky.

Shades of WKRP intros: Congressman admits his behavior during the last election was, "inappropriate." Remember that ol' "picture worth a thousand words" line? Yeah, it's definitely SFW and definitely appropriate here. And why did I have to do a separate look up to find out he's a Democrat?

Posted by scott at 03:38 PM eMail this entry!
February 21, 2011
Sure... NOW You'll Pay Attention to Helicopters

There's just so much hysterical win here.

Posted by scott at 06:19 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

4d6065b3cfb45-image.jpg

And this is the liberal cartoonist's take on what's going on in Wisconsin. I like the one involving a Prius nearly as much. The last resort is to always bang the table. I think they're getting ready to find out what happens when the grownups get tired of the noise.

Posted by scott at 10:32 AM eMail this entry!
February 20, 2011
Hunk Wear. Well, What Not To Wear.

I got embarrassed just looking at this site.

Hello Banana hammocks!

Posted by Ellen at 08:27 AM eMail this entry!
February 18, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

let_go.png

This reminds me of at least... three... different people I know.

Posted by scott at 06:49 AM eMail this entry!
February 16, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

Two words: Homemade Implants. *SIGH* Ok, ladies, smack the husband once, and make him read the clarification... Homemade boob implants. Men appreciate boobs. Women's fascination with winkies is every bit as mysterious to us. And you all definitely play with them just as much when given the opportunity.

Oh yes, I did just say that.

Posted by scott at 08:20 PM eMail this entry!
February 15, 2011
Really? Just 9?

Being a sysadmin for 14 years, I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see myself in these "nine traits of veteran Unix admins" I'm definitely glad I don't have to do any of that anymore.

Posted by scott at 06:48 AM eMail this entry!
February 14, 2011
I Think I Recognize Absolutely Everyone Here

The best part is picking out which particular Valentine's day cliche you are. I'll give you mine for free, it's the first one. The people who don't think this is funny are exactly the people it's aimed at.

Posted by scott at 07:54 PM eMail this entry!
February 13, 2011
Busted

Ok, I get that huge swathes of the left hate Sarah Palin with a rage only those who obviously have our best interests at heart can muster. Many times I think this rage might torpedo any campaign, well, really anywhere, she may decide to run. Then one of the scions of the main stream media steps on its own crank, again, and suddenly I'm not so sure. With enemies like these, who needs paid publicity?

Posted by scott at 01:33 PM eMail this entry!
February 12, 2011
How Do You Say "Watch This" in Polish?

Nice to know dumb rednecks can be found all over the planet.

Posted by scott at 09:25 AM eMail this entry!
Best. Answer. Evar!

Well, that is what you do with them. So I've been told, at any rate. By certain other people. Best part of game shows for me has always been the spontaneous goof-ups.

Posted by scott at 09:11 AM eMail this entry!
~ Cause Teens / Just Wanna Be Duh-umb ~

I guess the thinking was, "they toss me about that high on the field, why not climb to the top of the stairs and try the same thing?" Something tells me she has nothing to worry about being groped by the guy on the right.

Posted by scott at 09:06 AM eMail this entry!
February 10, 2011
Nah. It's Supposed to do That

So, you've finally made it, and have the yacht in the exclusive marina to prove it. Then this guy shows up. Well, it's not like you can exactly sink it, you know? Wouldn't want to be caught out in a storm in that thing!

Posted by scott at 01:47 PM eMail this entry!
February 09, 2011
ItGoesOneHundredMilesPerHour

Guilty as charged. That said, my "jet" only weighs one ounce and probably tops out at 20 mph. Downhill. In a hurricane. And when I break it, the parts usually cost less than $5. Yes, it does help me sleep at night. Thanks for pointing that out.

Posted by scott at 10:12 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it." -- Terry Pratchett

Posted by scott at 08:55 AM eMail this entry!
February 07, 2011
It's Got That Great "Fresh From the Foil Hat" Scent

Ok, all those people who think I'm a paranoiac when it comes to environmental issues should take a look at what a real wacky guy writes about the environment. Go for the amusingly standard social conservative denial. Stay for the invocation of the Antichrist. No, really!

Posted by scott at 01:25 PM eMail this entry!
Snow Go Boom

We've long known that if Jim Cantore shows up in our neighborhood to run like mad, because he always brings hurricanes. Now it looks like God himself may be trying to call the Stormbringer home. The storm that dropped the substantial snow around here last month also had a bit of thunder in it.

Posted by scott at 06:24 AM eMail this entry!
February 03, 2011
Well, He is The One

Ok, I'll concede that Reuters is at least being up-front about their bias. Yeah, I know, Bush had a few of these too. I just don't remember seeing any of them at the time.

Posted by scott at 06:57 AM eMail this entry!
February 02, 2011
Ceiling Car is Watching You Fap

Robert H. gets a classic cross-and-serpent no-prize for bringing us a self-propelled look at the future of advertising. Another example of "that works fine in a polite place, but it'd last exactly twenty seconds over here."

Posted by scott at 06:11 AM eMail this entry!
January 31, 2011
Sometimes They Deserve Remembering

Fark headline of our week: Obamacare to become more powerful than you could possibly imagine." Is it 2012 yet? I want grownups in charge of everything, please.

Posted by scott at 07:55 PM eMail this entry!
Broad? No, Actually He's Quite Thin

CNN is carrying this brief look at Idiot Abroad, Science Channel's new breakout hit. I can't remember if it was me or Ellen who put this one on season pass, but it's now one of our "must watch" shows. Hilarious and pretty much the opposite of romantic, it definitely has provided a decidedly different take on what a travel show can be.

Posted by scott at 10:31 AM eMail this entry!
January 30, 2011
Can't...Stop...Laughing...

funny facebook fails - Uses for Vaseline
see more Failbook
Posted by Ellen at 09:15 PM eMail this entry!
January 28, 2011
Happy New Years!

Sometimes karma and Darwin rush together, like when a woman's suicide belt gets set off early because of a "happy holidays" text to her phone. Proof positive that Ellen and Amber could never pull something like this off, either.

Posted by scott at 06:50 AM eMail this entry!
January 26, 2011
CHOMP!

Giant RC Heli: 1, Small styrofoam aircraft: 0. Hopefully he paid for the replacement.

Posted by scott at 09:44 AM eMail this entry!
January 25, 2011
Yeah, About That...

Glenn Reynolds: "Hey, remember when the Obamanauts were calling McCain McSame — because they couldn’t imagine anything worse than a President who would continue the Bush policies on war and taxes? Heh."

Indeed.

Posted by scott at 07:01 AM eMail this entry!
January 22, 2011
Well, Maybe He Ain't All Bad After All

Jon Stewart veers suddenly centrist as he makes fun of, and scores points on, the Representative from Tennessee. When centrist liberals start calling out their own side, you know something interesting is going on. Especially when they're this funny.

Posted by scott at 06:35 PM eMail this entry!
January 21, 2011
Now I'm Going to Have it Stuck in My Head All Day. Again.

Remember that insanely catchy tune with the raunchy lyrics? turns out it's just as funny when performed in sign language. It was tough, remembering all those different sign language swear words, but I persevered. I'm classy that way.

Posted by scott at 06:14 AM eMail this entry!
Nothing Funnier than a Southerner in a Snowstorm

Mark gets a no-prize that'll clean out the nearest grocery store's stock of toilet paper, milk, and bread for bringing us a weather report anyone who was around here last February can relate to. Even better is how little snow is actually still there. I thought Virginians were useless in snow. Not compared to Atlanta!

Posted by scott at 06:10 AM eMail this entry!
January 20, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

"Oh dear, I'm feeling political today. It's just that it's dawned on me that 'zero tolerance' only seems to mean putting extra police in poor, run-down areas, and not in the Stock Exchange."

-- Terry Pratchett

Posted by scott at 04:11 PM eMail this entry!
January 19, 2011
The Durp on the Hill

Remember, folks, they're from the government, and they're here to help. Yes, I'm sure there are representatives dumber than Ms. Jackson Lee, and (now that there are more R's than D's), we'll start hearing from them more often. It's the law of averages combined with a conscious sampling error, not some sort of real indicator of intelligence.

Posted by scott at 11:11 AM eMail this entry!
January 11, 2011
When Archives Attack

Ten, fifteen years ago, a newspaper and a politician could work together to craft a narrative for the now, for the moment, using current events to leverage political power and public opinion without any reference to what happened in the past. No more. Now, tell me again, how there's no such thing as the "liberal media," and Fox News is the real enemy.

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 01:50 PM eMail this entry!
January 09, 2011
You Dirty Little Tart- You're Dumped!

British people have the oddest sense of humor. Especially if you are getting dumped LIVE on the radio.

Posted by Ellen at 08:29 AM eMail this entry!
January 06, 2011
~ Pissing the Night Away ~

Japan is making a run at taking back the "World's Weirdest Asian Country" prize from China by introducing a new urinal-based video game. Yep, you read that one right, "a pressure sensor located on the back of the urinal to measure the strength and location of your urine stream. A small LCD screen above the urinal allows you to play several simple video games including a simulator for erasing graffiti and a variation on a sumo wrestling match."

There's just no way to make this stuff up, people!

Posted by scott at 06:39 AM eMail this entry!
January 04, 2011
Fun With Headlines

Fark's headline of the year contest is definitely worth a look. Don't believe me? How about Coup succeeds in detaining Niger president, exciting teabaggers who misread the headline.

Wow. I didn't know that much milk could come out of a nose.

Posted by scott at 06:48 PM eMail this entry!
~ Let's Fly Let's Fly Away ~

They told me if I voted Republican the president would increase the carbon footprint of the White House, and they were right!! If the L.A. Times is starting to turn against Obama... well, no, nevermind. This is more easily explained as taking a few easy shots before they knuckle down to the job of getting him re-elected.

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 06:46 AM eMail this entry!
December 31, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

IceAge0062.jpg

Remember, folks, it's not the facts that get reported, it's what moves magazines off the stand that gets reported.

Via Powerline.

Posted by scott at 08:09 AM eMail this entry!
Must... Pop... Bottles...

As God is my witness, I actually, genuinely like this song. If nerdy Asian guys can do hip-hop, hell anybody can do hip-hop. I'm not even sure I know what a "slizzard" is.

Posted by scott at 07:35 AM eMail this entry!
What an Award

Turns out PC gamers really are a breed apart. No thanks, I've already got the gold oak leaf clusters on my "Nerd" merit badge.

Posted by scott at 06:44 AM eMail this entry!
December 30, 2010
Newspaper Durp

Those clever Israelis! Not content with controlling (shakes the 8 ball of JOOOS!!!) rrrm... Hollywood, they've now been spotted using the F-35 operationally. If it appears on a news site, it's bound to be true!

Posted by scott at 07:09 AM eMail this entry!
December 29, 2010
Now Why Do You Think This Is???

And in today's, "dude, you really get paid to do this?" file, we have a research project that has determined the brains of politically conservative people have larger "fear centers" than liberals. Since my side of the gallery spends most our time keeping the left side of the gallery from driving us all into a wall, well, yes, we tend to respond to fear more than their side does. It's conditioning, not genetics.

Posted by scott at 09:46 PM eMail this entry!
December 26, 2010
At Least Now They're Making Fun of the 90s

Two words: belted sweaters. The letters next to each guy mean they must've been in a catalog at some time, somewhere. I was busy ogling the chicks in the underwear ads, so I never noticed. And, dude, check out that pimp hat!

Posted by scott at 06:06 PM eMail this entry!
December 17, 2010
Sounds Like Something that Should Come in a Bottle To Me

Super-tight jeans, for men? It's more likely than you think. On the one hand, it's nice to hear a fashion trend I liked from my youth making a comeback. On the other, leave it to the 21st century to include The Wrong People in it.

Posted by scott at 06:41 AM eMail this entry!
December 14, 2010
WHY!? Did You Buy Me That?!?

Yet another funny site that is based on unwanted gifts.

Posted by Ellen at 06:36 PM eMail this entry!
Little Drummer Boy- Redo 2010
December 13, 2010
Amazon to Script Kiddies: Drop Dead

Looks like Amazon is a helluva lot harder to take down than a bunch of script kiddies previously thought. Too bad, so sad. Think maybe that'll be what causes them to climb out of their mom's basement, blinking, into the sun?

Nah, me either.

Posted by scott at 03:53 PM eMail this entry!
No Matter How Bad it Smells

I'm thinking "the first powered, controlled flight in an Australian-designed and built plane" means the guy was puttering around in a flimsy Wright Brothers-like contraption. Regardless, where it chose to crash land was pretty interesting. That's the problem with exact recreations of really old airplanes... it recreates all their handling vices, too.

Posted by scott at 06:35 AM eMail this entry!
December 11, 2010
Now That's Just Tacky

Sometimes they're just no improving the original: They told me if I voted for Hillary, that Bill Clinton would basically be a co-president AND THEY WERE RIGHT! The presidency has always struck me as the worst job everyone wants. Nowadays, though, I'm thinking ex president is a pretty sweet gig. It's like being the ultimate granddad. Everyone's happy when you show up, and you get to give the country back when you get tired of it.

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 10:31 PM eMail this entry!
December 08, 2010
Doh!

"I know! I know! Let's use a picture of a handsome naked athlete with a ball covering his... you know! That'll make a great PETA ad against fur! I dunno, seems to be just too rich to actually be true. I gotta say, I think I'm smelling a hoax. Or, you know, body wash or something. Picture is startling but technically SFW. Technically.

Via Violins and Starships.

Posted by scott at 07:17 AM eMail this entry!
December 07, 2010
~ Look Around / Got No Place to Stay ~

Chris gets a most informative no-prize in an envelope that squeaks for bringing us the latest in British instructional videos, circa 1975. Mark and I remember these things thrown on a screen by a squeaky 16mm projector. You know, those things schools used to use before they could afford VCRs. Which, of course, you know are these gigantic machines that used T-A-P-E to project...

Oh, hell with it. Pop in a Blu-ray, let's enjoy the movie.

Posted by scott at 08:12 PM eMail this entry!
Paint Job Fail

Pro tip: Cars have brakes. Giant cans of paint don't. Fortunately nobody got hurt. I bet it'll be fun to hear how they explain that to the insurance adjuster.

Posted by scott at 02:30 PM eMail this entry!
December 03, 2010
Why Nerds are No Good at Parties

Here's your cat. And here's your twenty dollars...

Posted by scott at 10:13 PM eMail this entry!
November 29, 2010
Was That Wrong? Should They Not Have Done That?

Hey, man, if dancing with the stars was more like this, I'd be a lot more interested. Ok, hang on, check that, I just remembered some of the more memorable stars on that show, and realized maybe most of them need to stay covered up.

Clip contains nobody in the nood, but is likely still NSFW.

Posted by scott at 06:55 AM eMail this entry!
November 28, 2010
Movin' Around

It's nice to know we're not the only family with pets who react with psychosis to moving to a new house. When we moved the (then) five cats, it resulted in an outright palace coup. In the old place, since Magrat was the eldest cat she was the alpha cat. However, as a kitten, Ellen had taken Goblin outside several times and so youngest, and therefore most junior, cat Goblin was quite used to the idea that the sky could disappear into clouds and the world was bigger than a 900 square foot apartment. The others, not so much, and while they spent the next two weeks twitching in their carriers Goblin laid claim to the whole house. The world was never quite the same again for Cat, the Eldest (Magrat), although they eventually managed to negotiate an uneasy truce.

Ellen was convinced Coconut, the cat that almost literally was born and raised in one, small, place, would ever be right again. Eight years later it's like they've never lived anywhere else. Now that Goblin and Coconut have the entire house to themselves, they seem to spend most of their time being startled by, or plotting the demise of, the feathered "tiny green fud that is much less dangerous than the big green fud" that has been thrust into their lives.

Ah, animals...

Posted by scott at 06:23 PM eMail this entry!
November 27, 2010
Fitness Funny

That's right. Create your own infomercial.

Posted by Ellen at 11:06 AM eMail this entry!
November 26, 2010
Your Thought for the Day
Posted by scott at 09:21 AM eMail this entry!
November 24, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

PicardWtf.jpg

If non-sequiturs are wrong, I don't want to be orange!

Posted by scott at 07:46 PM eMail this entry!
November 22, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

2576_53912012103_677212103_1551197_4722534_n.jpg

Important to remember: I always give credit to people who send me stuff, but I'll steal anything not nailed down the minute I spot it.

Posted by scott at 08:17 PM eMail this entry!
November 19, 2010
Best... Trailer... EVAR!!!

Robert H. gets a no-prize that doesn't really care what the movie'll actually end up being for bringing us a trailer for the upcoming movie, "Your Highness." Here's to the first genuinely silly fantasy adventure of the second decade of the Twenty-first century.

Ok, that should be enough to make all the women go to sleep. For all the guys, code words: Natalie Portman Leather Thong. Yea, and we all bow down to ol' R.H.'s instinct for awesomeness, and verily!

Posted by scott at 07:04 PM eMail this entry!
November 18, 2010
Big Bang Bloopers

Posted by Ellen at 09:51 PM eMail this entry!
November 17, 2010
That's Definitely an Original Excuse

Remember, folks, just because Google Maps says it's true, don't make it so. A shooting war breaking out because of an on-line service goof? It's more likely than you think.

Posted by scott at 03:46 PM eMail this entry!
November 16, 2010
Burninatin'
Posted by Ellen at 06:38 AM eMail this entry!
That's MISTER Van to You, Bub

Another year, another extreme example of just how customized a Japanese can make his ride. I wonder how, or even if, it gets under bridges? Maybe all those fins are collapsible?

Posted by scott at 06:26 AM eMail this entry!
Our Daily Commute to D.C.

Posted by Ellen at 06:24 AM eMail this entry!
I Don't Think The Guys Will Notice The Props...

Posted by Ellen at 06:08 AM eMail this entry!
November 15, 2010
Steep It A Bit Too Long Dude?

Fortunately, it didn't kill me. It just robbed me of my innocence.

One man's encounter with Smooth Move Tea.

*Tea-hee*

Posted by Ellen at 09:15 PM eMail this entry!
November 12, 2010
Oopsie!

Funny only because nobody (seems to have) got hurt... using explosives to demolish large structures can be hard. The power lines whipping around like, well, whips, is mighty impressive.

Posted by scott at 06:41 AM eMail this entry!
November 10, 2010
Define "Typical"

ev17d3_610x863.jpg

Not all the iPhone users I know are girls, and said "not all" better not show up at my house in a miniskirt. Capice?

Source: C-Section comics.

Posted by scott at 12:30 PM eMail this entry!
November 09, 2010
ID Fail

So, what should a hipster who's stumbled onto a huge collection of photos from the English pop scene of the early 80s? Call it gothic, of course. Almost everyone in those pictures is now completely grown up, desperately hoping their own now-grown kids just can't recognize them in those photos.

Posted by scott at 07:16 AM eMail this entry!
November 08, 2010
We're Number 2! We're Number 2!

Well of course an Alfa made the list of 10 nightmare cars you can't resist. In fact, the only one more highly rated was an f'ing Lamborghini Miura! I'll just about promise at least one of the other cars is on your secret list. Well, except maybe for Ron's, since, if it can't be dropped into a mud pit at the bottom of a fifteen foot sheer drop, he doesn't seem all that interested in it. But hey, we all have our vices.

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 07:02 PM eMail this entry!
Quack Quack

It's official: the whole "Jersey Shore" phenomenon has officially jumped the shark. I'm pretty sure at least some of those pictures are of Halloween costumes. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure several of them are not.

Posted by scott at 06:45 AM eMail this entry!
November 07, 2010
Well, it's Definitely Back to A Future

Mike J. gets a no-prize that's a surreal mixture of Disney, Grease, and some film with that short guy from Teen Wolf in it for bringing us Back to the Future, Bollywood-style. Aside from its prodigious length, I actually rather liked the Bollywood show we got on Netflix a few weeks ago. Slapstick comedy, catchy tunes, fun actions sequences with no pretense of reality, and hot women. What's not to like?

Posted by scott at 07:32 AM eMail this entry!
November 05, 2010
All Fall Down

Nothing like local news to put "screw up on TV" into perspective. And heck, this was, what, 11 am? I get yelled at if I start drinking before noon, and I'm not on TV!

Posted by scott at 08:04 PM eMail this entry!
I'm Number... Doh!

Remember, the coach always says to keep digging no matter what happens, because you can never tell what might happen. There's a similar video out there of a cyclist celebrating his stage win just before he wipes out his bike and the guy ten seconds behind him goes sledding past.

Posted by scott at 06:58 AM eMail this entry!
November 04, 2010
My Kind of Giant

Ok, ok, sorry, just can't resist poking a little more fun at the left side of the peanut gallery. Oh, don't worry, I'm not expecting sunshine and candy to come rushing out of the rear ends of the freshmen GOP members any time soon. Then again, I never do. Can't quite say the same about the left's expectations for their side two years ago, eh?

Posted by scott at 06:57 AM eMail this entry!
~ Gloom, Dispair and Agony on Me / Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery ~

Ever wonder what the band on the Titanic sounded like, after the boat hit the ice berg? Yeah, pretty sure it was something like this. Except, you know, less obnoxious. And boy, get a load of that good ol' MSNBC diversity. I tell ya, those people really had a point when they called the rest of us out about how racist we all were.

Posted by scott at 06:42 AM eMail this entry!
November 03, 2010
Oh would you just shut up?!? You're rats with wings!

Yes, that "mine! mine! mine! mine! mine! mine!" chorus you're hearing is caused by the return of the infamous McRib sandwich. This'll be the first time in 16 years that it's available nationwide, to which I cautiously reply, "woot?"

I seem to remember, back when I was on the road to recovery from my picky-eater days, trying and liking the thing. As I recall, it's the sauce that makes or breaks it, otherwise it's not much more than a garden variety pulled pork sandwich that's been, well, "un-pulled," if you take my meaning. Still, can't see ordering one for myself, but that's not going to make me disapprove of or try to stop you from doing it. Foodies and other general busy-bodies, well, not so much.

Posted by scott at 12:20 PM eMail this entry!
November 02, 2010
Well, it's Not Like You Can Drive

Someone over at Google Maps is getting clever again. Not that it matters all that much to anyone in China, since I'm not completely sure they can even get to anything Google does anymore. Then there's the whole "South China Sea pirates" problem...

Posted by scott at 07:11 AM eMail this entry!
November 01, 2010
Our Kind of Car Ad

No, it's not an Alfa, but you'd only know that because of the pictures: "And those other cars, [t]heir horns make cute little beeping noises, so considerate to not be rude. They don't have horns that sound with the arrogance and fury of some long dead Mongol warlord. "

Posted by scott at 07:00 AM eMail this entry!
October 29, 2010
Belly Bomb!

Introducing the pumpple cake, a dessert that's literally two pies baked into a cake. One slice has 1800 calories and feeds four. Those of you wondering what to serve after your Thanksgiving turducken need wonder no more!

Posted by scott at 06:43 AM eMail this entry!
October 27, 2010
Your Morning WTF.

Posted by Ellen at 05:29 AM eMail this entry!
October 26, 2010
Trying To Get His Freak On...

Bow...chick...a...wow........w...o...w....

Posted by Ellen at 09:55 PM eMail this entry!
Your Video for the Day

Who knew The Sims analogs could be so entertaining?

Posted by scott at 07:18 AM eMail this entry!
October 25, 2010
Rrrm... About That...

Ahem, "If you use your metal shop skills in an attempt to turn a Camaro into a Lamborghini, you might be a redneck." I'm pretty sure the photos are that close because getting any closer would be bad. I'd like it better if flames somehow shot out of those monster ducts in the rear.

Posted by scott at 06:27 PM eMail this entry!
Clever!

Backmarker F-1 team HRT have come up with a new way to get fined by releasing a car from the pits with a tire warmer still attached to it. Bah. These guys are brand-new. I can recall more than a few times when teams like Ferrari have released cars with things like fuel hoses still attached.

Posted by scott at 07:02 AM eMail this entry!
October 22, 2010
Thesaurus Fail

"The concept of being part of a team ... reaches its nadir in Halo: Reach. You will become emotionally invested in your Noble Team compadres..." (emphasis mine)

Yes, folks, they used "nadir" to mean something they liked. Found in the print version of Best Buy's Gamer magazine. Unfortunately this juicy bit of failure is not available on their site (that I could find).

Oh, don't worry, I didn't spend money on it. Dratted thing just showed up in my mailbox and, well... bathroom multitasking, people, bathroom multitasking.

Posted by scott at 06:19 PM eMail this entry!
Now That's a Quote I Never Expected to Read

"So dust, dildos, sex, high prices, unfinished grand stands, oily track and dodgy amenities are what the South Korean Grand Prix has brought prominently to the foremost portion of my mind." Dang. All I was expecting was for the cars to vacuum the asphalt into the sky. The rest is, well, I guess, gravy?

Posted by scott at 05:29 PM eMail this entry!
Your Joke for the Day

One day an old Jewish Pole, living in Warsaw, has his last light bulb burn out. To get a new one he’ll have to stand in line for two hours at the store (and they’ll probably be out by the time he gets there), so he goes up to his attic and starts rummaging around for an old oil lamp he vaguely remembers seeing.

He finds the old brass lamp in the bottom of a trunk that has seen better days. He starts to polish it and (poof!) a genie appears in cloud of smoke.

“Ho ho, Mortal!” says the genie, stretching and yawning, “For releasing me I will grant you three wishes.”

The old man thinks for a moment, and says, “I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his Mongol hordes, march to the Polish border, and then decide he doesn’t want the place and march back home.”

“No sooner said than done!” thunders the genie. “Your second wish?”

“Ok. I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his Mongol hordes, march to the Polish border, and then decide he doesn’t want the place and march back home.”

“Hmmm. Well, all right. Your third wish?”

“I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his –”

“Ok ok ok. Right. What’s this business about Genghis Khan marching to Poland and turning around again?”

The old man smiles. “He has to pass through Russia six times.”

I don't remember where I first heard it, but I got this version here.

Posted by scott at 10:39 AM eMail this entry!
October 21, 2010
Oh, Fabrujous Joy

This, quite remarkably, sums up so many arguments I've been having with the left side of the peanut gallery lately.

Via Cobb.

Posted by scott at 10:05 PM eMail this entry!
October 20, 2010
Beats the Sh- Out of a Hearse

Yes, Virginia, Alfa did make quite industrial trucks, back in the day. And no, that's not just a Vanagon with a Giulietta grill wired on. That is a genuine "Romeo" truck. Not quite as slick as friend Chris's "yo-yo-YO" Escalade container ship, but at least I wouldn't have to blow the horn every time I entered the channel. Besides, a European truck from the early 70s? Yeah, I'd be worried people would steer off the road laughing at what the horn sounded like.

Posted by scott at 10:22 PM eMail this entry!
October 19, 2010
Drunk Text, FTW!

And in the, "why should we care at all" file, we have Johnn Cusack calling for "a satanic death center" to open at Fox News. I'd be more worried if I knew exactly what the heck that was.

Ah, hang on, now I remember... when my side's loons spout incoherently about violence, it's a dangerous example of totalitarianism. When your side does it, it's simply an example of how far my side's pushed yours. "Heads I win, tails you lose," that sort of thing.

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM eMail this entry!
October 16, 2010
So There!
Posted by Ellen at 08:38 AM eMail this entry!
October 13, 2010
I'd Still Put My Money on the Stig

Why yes, yes it does rather resemble a lap board. But that's ok, because those guys are heading toward a very important sort of finish line. Besides, if it could get them another point in the championship I'm sure Lewis and Sebastian would be right at the top of even that board.

Posted by scott at 03:24 PM eMail this entry!
He Says that Like It's a Bad Thing

Barney Frank: "Tea Partiers have tied me to the railroad tracks!" If anyone from my side had breathed even a word of it, there'd be a whole legion of moonbats twirling away from the tops of their towers, shrieking about the violence of the right. It's enough to make me wish I could play the piano like a silent movie pianist, and find someone with a mustache long enough to twirl the ends.

Posted by scott at 08:41 AM eMail this entry!
October 09, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

congressmonkeysdy1.jpg

Like all classics, it's timeless.

Posted by scott at 05:30 PM eMail this entry!
October 08, 2010
Hey! Watch This!

In spite of what the caption says, I'm pretty sure it's not the rotor that's letting go, it's the mounting bolts on the caliper that are shearing off. How we don't lose 80% of men aged 15-25 to "controlled flight into terrain" incidents like this, I never will understand.

Posted by scott at 07:19 PM eMail this entry!
October 06, 2010
Finally I Have a Reason to Like This Song

Mythbusters is back this week, and what better way to promote it than to have that big Scottish lump Craig Ferguson drag the principals out to do Melt with You? Will they be able to top slicing a Honda in two with a rocket sled this year? Hey, you know they'll try!

Posted by scott at 05:58 PM eMail this entry!
A Fantasy League, for the Rest of Us

Introducing Fantasy UnSports, the game which lets you score points when your football players screw up off the field. Which is, of course, most of the time, so it's actually a pretty active game. I especially liked the point value for "Player claims that wildlife on the field during a game may be reincarnated former teammate."

Posted by scott at 01:14 PM eMail this entry!
October 05, 2010
Fun with Beige

Posted by scott at 07:23 AM eMail this entry!
October 02, 2010
Goin' Retro

As with most technologies, things like motion controllers and game boys have roots far deeper than you'd at first think. I remember the Microvision system very well, and I think either we or someone we knew had a Blip. The rest, not so much.

Posted by scott at 04:41 PM eMail this entry!
October 01, 2010
Regarding Lawns, and Getting Off Mine

Another year, another forty-something bemoaning lazy, meddling kids. I'd take such things much more seriously, if I hadn't been reading them for the past, oh, thirty years or so. Likely there's a Linear A tablet somewhere complaining about how kids these days take bronze for granted and don't know how to properly tie a tunic.

Posted by scott at 06:41 AM eMail this entry!
September 29, 2010
What, This Wasn't Funny? I Wasn't Supposed to Laugh?

And today's "attention fail" comes courtesy of yet another facebook f-up. Bah. If paid close attention to half the stuff we link up... oh, hell, what am I talking about? Sometimes I can't even get the damned links right.

Posted by scott at 05:58 PM eMail this entry!
September 26, 2010
Classy...Just Like Ron!

epic fail photos - Odometer WIN
see more funny videos
Posted by Ellen at 09:01 PM eMail this entry!
September 24, 2010
~ Ninja Bubbles / In the Va-Jay-Jay ~

Every time I think the Japanese have gone right round the bend, every time, they go and prove me wrong again. Clip is vaguely naughty and extremely weird, but, hey, it's Friday. Why would you care if it was SFW or not?

Posted by scott at 06:44 PM eMail this entry!
I Are Gud Spellr

The best part is thinking about the number of people this had to get past before it became a reality. Sometimes efficient electronics mean you just screw up faster.

Posted by scott at 06:47 AM eMail this entry!
September 23, 2010
That's Gotta be One Helluva Big Cigarette

Ron gets a suddenly sleepy no-prize for bringing us the list of most sexually satisfied cities. I thought Indianapolis and Fort Wayne were getting awfully close lately.

Posted by scott at 06:54 AM eMail this entry!
September 19, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

francis.jpg

If you think I'm thinking that you should think this is for you, you're right.

I think.

Posted by scott at 11:11 AM eMail this entry!
September 13, 2010
It's Taken This Long?

Leave it to the thirty-somethings at Fark to turn the fact that nobody's less than 115 miles from a McDonalds into a greenlight. B*tch, I worked at the furthest outpost of The Golden Arches back in 1987 when they opened up a branch in Dumas, Arkansas. Ask me about the time a helicopter went through my drive-through. I dare ya.

Posted by scott at 10:14 PM eMail this entry!
September 11, 2010
Razorbacks In Jail

Woooooooooooo!! PIGS! Sooey Razorbacks!

Don't mess with the cheerleaders.

Posted by Ellen at 07:48 AM eMail this entry!
September 10, 2010
Prince Whoo-Ha???

Me, I'm thinking the emphasis should be on the last syllable of his last name. But wtf do I know? I got sucked into that show last year because it was all that was on in my dive hotel in San Francisco during my (unbeknownst to me) last NAMI convention, and I just couldn't stop watching it. Ellen insisted she'd set the Tivo on fire if I tried to put it back on season pass this year. More's the pity.

Posted by scott at 10:44 PM eMail this entry!
September 08, 2010
TEE-HEE!!
Posted by Ellen at 07:09 AM eMail this entry!
September 06, 2010
Ear-wha???

Ron gets the coveted "Pig of the Month" no-prize for bringing us this little riff on catchy tunes getting stuck in your head. Which, of course, I am only linking up because it's a clever bit with some fun editing. That's all I noticed. My story, sticking to it...

Posted by scott at 12:23 PM eMail this entry!
September 03, 2010
Well Wouldja Lookit That

That's not an absurd Nerf gun, that's one of my brother's toys! Well, now, hang on, that one has all sorts of upgrades on it. That sound you're hearing is my brother, furiously hunting through catalogs...

Posted by scott at 05:48 PM eMail this entry!
September 02, 2010
Oh You Have Got to be Kidding Me

Ron gets a FABULOUS no-prize for bringing us car lashes. No, sorry, not the lashes that some leather-bound dominatrix dishes out. No, these are much... cuter. No, Ellen, you definitely definitely can't have them!

Posted by scott at 09:11 PM eMail this entry!
August 26, 2010
Dude, Watch This

Rednecks do not just live in America's south. They also seem to be alive and well somewhere in Eastern Europe. Yeah. Airbags have to stop bags of water weighing more than 150 pounds moving at more than 25 miles per hour. That's more than enough to bounce your skinny butt off the ceiling. Here, have a seat.

Posted by scott at 08:02 PM eMail this entry!
August 25, 2010
Bummer...

Posted by Ellen at 09:38 PM eMail this entry!
August 24, 2010
A Happy Member of that Fan Club

Ron gets a no-prize that'll constantly wonder why nobody looks it in the eye for bringing us this great little bitty... rrrm... ok, you get it... song. NSFW language, but the imagery is safely PG. Store bought? Bolt-on? Pshaw. You say that like it's a bad thing.

Posted by scott at 07:30 PM eMail this entry!
August 20, 2010
Higher Than Your Average Bear

Seems like "the bear lady's" bears were laid back for a reason. You mean mary-J is still illegal somewhere? Perish the thought.

Posted by scott at 06:47 PM eMail this entry!
Mooore Strategy...

Actually, I think that's part of the unacknowledged appeal: looked at rationally, a zombie apocalypse will fall apart faster than its constituent corpses. I would have more to say, but I got distracted by the Snorg girl at the bottom of the first page. Oh, except to agree that the real threat is sparkly vampires!

Posted by scott at 07:02 AM eMail this entry!
August 17, 2010
Oh Dear...

Robert H. gets an oh-so-NSFW (language) no-prize for bringing us what I'm sure is one of Ray Bradbury's least expected 90th birthday presents. I could swear I've heard the tune before somewhere else, but I got distracted by the bewbies before I could place it.

Posted by scott at 07:51 PM eMail this entry!
August 13, 2010
Lol Whut???

Mike J. gets a very silly no-prize for bringing us yet another example of "too much time on your hands". Well, hey, if these guys ever actually left their basement, the internet would be a far less interesting place, eh?

Posted by scott at 07:34 PM eMail this entry!
The Right Kind of Sticky

I'd actually put the title of this in our post, but it'd cause eighty thousand pervs to hit this site every day. I have enough problems keeping the ones that already visit here locked down. So go look at the title yourself. Post is completely SFW.

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM eMail this entry!
August 12, 2010
Hopa Hoax

That series of pictures of the hot chick telling her boss off with clever dry-erase sketches? Yeah, fake. It did have that whole, "just too good to be true" feeling about it, in my opinion.

Posted by scott at 06:28 AM eMail this entry!
August 11, 2010
It's Only Lying When You Do It

Keith Olbermann: never let the facts get in the way of a good story. The video requires a free subscription to view, but in summary: Keith righteously calls out a lunatic right-winger who only took one question from a far-right organization and then fled a "fake doctor" Tea Party rally. Except, you know, she in fact stood there and took several questions, and had to be pulled away by her handlers to meet other obligations. That's not the point! The point is what we tell you it is!

But by all means, keep rooting for that sportscaster. I'm not sure he'd be able to make his mortgage otherwise.

Posted by scott at 06:34 AM eMail this entry!
August 08, 2010
Just In Case You Need To Massage Your Opossum

Posted by Ellen at 06:25 PM eMail this entry!
August 03, 2010
Busted

Unintended consequence of Google Earth, #2456: the mayor now has his own spy satellite. I'm not sure if I should be appalled at the idea of a nosy bureaucrat "inspecting" my property from on high, or impressed that a local government actually figured out how to use new technology.

Posted by scott at 08:21 PM eMail this entry!
August 02, 2010
Don't Wanna!

Mark gets a no-prize that'll explode with candy for bringing us this video of an otter teaching her kit how to swim. Olivia was just about that bad, until we go her a diving mask. After that, she was all mermaid, all the time.

Update: Link fixed!

Posted by scott at 07:15 PM eMail this entry!
August 01, 2010
Solar Toilet

Back in my day, we thought motorized water guns were all you needed to kill time between one college final and the next. That was because glow sticks had not been invented yet. Those of you wondering what the answer to the equation, "cheap booze + spare time + engineering students" was, well there you go.

Posted by scott at 06:51 PM eMail this entry!
July 29, 2010
I'm Actually Surprised the Damned Things Fit

Being a bazillionaire is no defense against a pissed off civil servant. As if parking, what, half a million dollars worth of cars in front of your store isn't publicity enough. Now that I think about it, I'm calling it damned likely said "pissed off" civil servant got more than just a heads-up about this opportunity. Meh, who cares.

Posted by scott at 07:39 PM eMail this entry!
July 28, 2010
Waiit a SECOND

There's advertising, and then there's advertising. I'm sure this will come as an utter shock to all of you, but sometimes the subtleties in life escape me. The fact I "got" this one means it's not all that subtle, I'm thinking.

Posted by scott at 06:17 PM eMail this entry!
July 26, 2010
Photo-WHA???

What better way to end a tough Monday than a collection of time slices? Photography became popular because it allowed the truth of what we see every day to outlast time. It has endured because it captures the strange truth of an instant.

And lets our friends show it to us the next morning. Damn, man, put some pants on!!!

Posted by scott at 10:16 PM eMail this entry!
July 23, 2010
Blind Ambition

That whole, "people who want to be seen naked usually shouldn't be seen naked" thing? How about a guy has made a whole music video on just that theme. Video is SFW, but some of the pictures may have you reaching for the eye bleach.

Posted by scott at 06:37 AM eMail this entry!
July 19, 2010
I Find Your Lack of Fruit Disturbing

Mike J. gets a no-prize that will always win "because good... is dumb." for bringing us this graphic account of just how Apple's iPhone 4 experience has gone. I'm pretty sure that's Mandarin, but you don't really need to understand the language to get a chuckle out of it. I wonder if there's an English language version out there?

Posted by scott at 05:40 PM eMail this entry!
July 16, 2010
Step 7: WTMI!!!

And in the "straight girls are more like straight guys than even they will admit" file, we have an example of someone taking a request for redemption just that much too far. Oh get over it guys. No matter what your fantasy is, straight chicks would react to this in likely the same way you would, if it was your bud "apologizing" like that.

Posted by scott at 09:34 PM eMail this entry!
July 13, 2010
MMooo!!! COWTOWN!

No one believed me when I passed this place on the way to Atlantic City last year. I got lost and the next thing I saw was a GIANT cowboy and a general store. I felt MUCH better when one of my assistants told me he LIVED in that area and it is COWTOWN, the best flea market in the area. Rudy no longer works with me, but he still sends me text photos of COWTOWN!

He’ll roll a 160-pound barrel — like the one he uses in the rodeo arena to fend off dangerous brahma bulls — 130 miles from Washington, D.C., to Cowtown to confront his largest opponents ever, bullying.

“I once heard something, that bullies are people who try to make their light shine brighter by putting your light out,” said Nash, known as “Starvin’ Marvin,” a nearly 40-year rodeo veteran.

The goal of Nash’s barrel roll is to bring attention to bullying and the effects it can have on the lives of school children, their families and others.

Something you just have to see in person.

Posted by Ellen at 09:55 PM eMail this entry!
Redneck Rampage

Now, I'm pretty sure about half of these are fake, but I can't quite tell which half, and that means the other half are totally frikken awesome! One of Ellen's enduring memories of middle-o'-nowhere Arkansas remains all the goofy signs we saw on the roadside. Landscape-wise, Rural New York is so much like Northwest Arkansas it's scary, but they take themselves so seriously it's nowhere near as much fun as the Ozarks.

Posted by scott at 08:07 PM eMail this entry!
July 09, 2010
A Psychic, for the Rest of Us

Paul the psychic octopus has picked Spain to win the world cup final. Yes, I said psychic octopus. Dude, you think I'm clever enough to make that up? Nice.

Posted by scott at 07:02 AM eMail this entry!
July 05, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

"What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?" -- Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

Posted by scott at 05:22 PM eMail this entry!
July 03, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

"The Greeks - dirty and impoverished descendants of a bunch of la-de-da fruit salads who invented democracy and then forgot how to use it while walking around dressed up like girls." -- P.J. O'Rourke

Posted by scott at 05:44 PM eMail this entry!
July 02, 2010
Well Why Not?

People sometimes wonder where, exactly, I changed from a guy who likes pedaling into a road bike loon. Me, I'm not so sure either, but a conversation like this was probably involved. It's all good. My ex "married" a man who's been quite good to her for many years.

Posted by scott at 06:27 PM eMail this entry!
Determined

The sing-song speak n' spell cadence just makes this discussion of the iPhone even funnier. I can think of several people I know who are just about this dedicated to those silly little glorified card decks.

Posted by scott at 06:28 AM eMail this entry!
Like a Load of Bricks

What is it with grid girls passing out these days? Something very like this happened at the, I think it was the Australian Grand Prix, anyway, at a recent F-1 race this year.

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM eMail this entry!
June 28, 2010
Heee!!! NOT From Olivia

Funny Kids Drawings - Oh Ho Ho, What A Wit
see more
Posted by Ellen at 09:38 PM eMail this entry!
For All My Wrinkled Ladies!

Posted by Ellen at 09:20 PM eMail this entry!
June 26, 2010
Busy Lady

Ron gets a very naughty no-prize for bringing us quite possibly the most clever beer ad, evar. If they showed ads like that in the US, I'd be much more likely to watch them.

Posted by scott at 06:49 AM eMail this entry!
It's a Bubble, Eh?

Robert H. gets a sticker-shocked no-prize for bringing us proof that the housing bubble didn't burst, it just moved north. Those were the kinds of "deals" that happened every day around here, say, about five years ago. Now, not so much.

Posted by scott at 06:42 AM eMail this entry!
June 23, 2010
The Sound of Two Football Fanatics, Furiously Typing...

So, Fark's survey headline was, "Which NFL team has the worst fans?" And the best comment, by far, was this:

*cracks knuckles, prepares to take thread to next level*

NFC East:

Cowboys fans: redneck racists who think Obama was born in Kenya; permanent "bigger is better" complex to compensate for probable small penis size
Eagles fans: possibly the worst "people" to walk the planet; do not actually eat food for sustenance, but instead absorb negative thoughts and energy; booed Santa
Giants fans: got nothing
Redskins fans: gleefully cheering the most racist sports team nickname in the modern world



NFC North:

Packers fans: far and away the most morbidly obese group of humans in history
Vikings fans: possibly the stupidest group of football fans; mostly racists
Lions fans: got nothing to say about these poor unfortunate souls
Bears fans: easily the greatest group of football fans in the league; everything a fan base should be: loyal without being subservient to a shiatty product, high football IQ, great tailgaters; only one d-bag with that Katrina sign, but we took care of him

NFC South:

Falcons fans: terribly dispassionate, much like all Atlanta sports fans
Panthers fans: haven't been around long enough to create a stereotype, so we'll just say something NASCAR-related
Saints fans: pretty happy for them, got nothing
Buccaneers fans: more concerned with that goofy kiddie pirate ship and the cheerleaders than what's happening on the field

NFC West:

Cardinals fans: only started accepting Christianity as a valid religion when Kurt Warner joined the team
49ers fans: chardonnay-sipping yuppies
Seahawks fans: the whiniest fanbase in the NFL when it comes to officiating
Rams fans: do not actually exist

AFC East:

Patriots fans: make excuses for their team's blatant cheating; a little dash of Boston racism for taste
Dolphins fans: view gameday merely as a social event; did not deserve Ace Ventura
Jets fans: have the worst little brother complex of any fanbase in America
Bills fans: nothing bad to say

AFC North:

Steelers fans: knew god-damned well this whole time that Big Ben was doing this shiat
Ravens fans: more violent and easily-agitated than most fanbases, but this is partly because they are forced to live in Baltimore
Bengals fans: got nothing bad to say
Browns fans: seem to actually be more happy when their team is god-awful

AFC South:

Colts fans: all bandwagon jumpers outside of Marion County
Jaguars fans: do. not. give. a. shiat.
Titans fans: seem fine to me
Texans fans: see "Cowboys fans", but subtract some arrogance and add 50 pounds

AFC West:
Broncos fans: easily the most delusional fans in the league; will drink up any Kool-Aid that Pat Bowlen serves; think "in-com-plete" is somehow witty or distracting to opposing teams
Chiefs fans: nothing bad to say
Raiders fans: deserving all these years of shiatty football for being possibly the most violent fanbase in professional sports
Chargers fans: Kendra Wilkinson

Posted by scott at 08:06 PM eMail this entry!
June 21, 2010
Think (Tasty) Geek

Ok, I get it. For every dangerously useless government bureaucrat I find under the rocks on the left side of the peanut gallery, you'll find dangerously useless lawyers on the right side. Hey, here's a thought! Let's put the libertarians in charge! They want to take over the government so they can leave you alone!

Posted by scott at 08:32 PM eMail this entry!
June 20, 2010
Blow that Shiat Up

Oh, Earth, how can I destroy you, let me count the ways. A rite of passage in science fiction circles seems to be at least one apocalyptic novel, so I'm surprisingly familiar with, well, all the methods listed here.

Posted by scott at 07:03 PM eMail this entry!
June 18, 2010
LWLLJB

Those ...those ...gay! (color wands galore!) people...CLEVER!

Crazy teenage lesbians. I wonder what Disney is thinking about this?

Posted by Ellen at 10:57 PM eMail this entry!
This Is A Given
Posted by Ellen at 10:51 PM eMail this entry!
And We Would've Done it, too, if it Weren't for You Meddling Kids

Ah, well, it looks like Ellen's dream to draft Amber so they can be the only people running after a storm just got a lot more crowded. The last season of Storm Chasers prominently featured scenes that depicted how crowded the, well, I guess for some it's an occupation, has become. Still, the crowds were unusual, and most of the time the guys in the show really did seem to be all on their own. Which, of course, won't stop them from biatching when "commoners" get in their way.

Posted by scott at 07:11 PM eMail this entry!
A Porsche, for the Rest of Us

At first I was like, dude. Then when he rolled it out of the garage, I was like, dude. It's often said, "to increase speed, add lightness." Leave it to a German to take that maxim and run it right out the other side of lunacy.

Posted by scott at 06:47 AM eMail this entry!
June 16, 2010
You Want 80s? I'll Give You 80s

An auction link, so check it while you can: Feast your eyes on what was once, briefly, the most expensive production car in the world. As of, as I recall, 1982. If inflation calculators are to be believed, it would be priced right around $265k nowadays. All of those people who make fun of Ellen's goofy box of an Italian sedan are pleased to be sitting down and shutting their trap now.

Posted by scott at 09:20 PM eMail this entry!
When Pictures Attack

It seems the guy who's built a career out of being an annoying idiot has finally posted an upskirt too far. Powerful people have been hunting around for an excuse to muzzle this nattering nabob for years. As so often happens in these cases, I'm not sure anyone counted on him providing the lever himself.

Oh, and let's all hope this teaches Miley, and the rest of them, that miniskirts make panties mandatory, eh?

Posted by scott at 06:53 AM eMail this entry!
Horns B Gone

The noise the South Africans are making with their cheap plastic horns is so annoying the BBC is exploring electronic filters. I happened to be in a restaurant last Friday that had the world cup on, and I can definitely attest to how annoying that din really is. I at first thought there was something wrong with the TV.

Posted by scott at 06:34 AM eMail this entry!
June 13, 2010
Pwn3d!!!
Posted by scott at 04:59 PM eMail this entry!
Smoke 'em if Ya Got 'em

A British soap opera actress was recently told her boobs were too big for HD. The kicker? She's a quite-well-preserved 52 year-old who's character has been on the show for more than twenty years. With picture!

Posted by scott at 04:31 PM eMail this entry!
June 12, 2010
Wax What?

Jeff gets a no-prize that's not a g-d teenager, ok??? for bringing us A preview of Ralph Macchio's latest project. Not sure if that's actually his wife or not, but if she is, well done sir. Well done.

Posted by scott at 08:02 AM eMail this entry!
June 11, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

Ellen and Amber, let me show you them...

Well, except for the snake. They both like snakes.

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM eMail this entry!
June 06, 2010
Touchy-Feely Fall Down

Mike J. gets a no-prize that can't get up for bringing us a bit of fluff that shows what a modern browser is capable of. Yes, yes, I know, but, like the great man said, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

Posted by scott at 07:08 PM eMail this entry!
June 04, 2010
Rigidly Nonconformist

When you see one loopy Japanese teen it seems that maybe they can be individuals after all. It's when you see pictures of dozens of them that you realize well, maybe not. Note: Main pictures are fine but some of the ads are quite NSFW.

Posted by scott at 06:33 AM eMail this entry!
June 03, 2010
Whee!!!

I've often wondered what would happen if a car hit one of those toll booth dividers I regularly drive past every day. Thanks to some chick in the Ft. Worth area, I no longer have to wonder. And alcohol may have been involved? You don't say.

Posted by scott at 06:44 AM eMail this entry!
June 02, 2010
Proper Endings

I'm pretty sure half the audience was expecting Lost to actually end this way. I never got into the program, so I'm just going on the basic amusement value of this. Others may get a better chuckle from it than I did.

Posted by scott at 07:06 AM eMail this entry!
May 29, 2010
Good Taste? Us???

Ron gets a no-prize that's just not right for bringing us Retarded Policeman #9. The thing is, this is what goes on in the minds of most regular guys. Oh yeah right, like chicks don't take advantage of it.

Posted by scott at 01:22 PM eMail this entry!
May 28, 2010
Fun with Flames

Any time a guy has a pile of brush and a gasoline can, you know something dumb is about to happen. Kya-boom!

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM eMail this entry!
Nope, Definitely Not

Mike J. gets a very puzzling no-prize for bringing us a rather curiously labeled door. Years ago the Chevy dealership in the town I grew up in had a sign on its main garage door that read something like, "if this door is down honk your horn and Larry will open it." I always wondered what would happen if Larry called in sick that day.

Posted by scott at 06:22 AM eMail this entry!
May 26, 2010
Insert Butch Cassidy Reference Here

I can think of nothing more discouraging than to set off an explosion so righteous it levels the bank, only to see the obstinately intact ATM bounding away down the street. Leave it to the Germans to take an interesting idea and add so many moving parts to it a failure is nearly as interesting as a success.

Posted by scott at 06:44 PM eMail this entry!
May 25, 2010
When Composition Attacks

As someone who's spent years discarding wonderful photos because of the stupid f--- in the back, it's nice to see I'm not the only one who sometimes forgets to check the background when he pulls the trigger. I only wish my goofs were that amusing.

Posted by scott at 08:14 PM eMail this entry!
May 16, 2010
Oh... Oh, Dear...

Nothing quite like 25 pictures of just how destructive kids can be to put your little hurricane-in-keds in perspective. Bonus: two of Olivia's greatest hits are depicted. I know teenagers have a deservedly worse reputation, but, far as I'm concerned, I definitely don't miss the days when cheese puffs were a weapon of mass electronics destruction.

Posted by scott at 07:48 AM eMail this entry!
May 13, 2010
Ghey Nerds

Ellen! Ellen! Look! This must be what they were like when they were teenagers! No boobies or winkies, but definitely NSFW nonetheless. But damned funny.

Posted by scott at 08:04 PM eMail this entry!
When Haircuts Attack

Leave it to standard poodle owners to take something as basic as a trim and ram it right out the other side of ridiculous. Ellen does some of these sorts of things to long-hair cats, but she doesn't use dye. Yet.

Posted by scott at 06:30 AM eMail this entry!
May 12, 2010
Mynd you, møøse crashes Kan be pretty nasti

It looks like even the legendary car manufacturer Volvo is not immune to the occasional demo failure. The more you complicate the plumbing, etc.

Posted by scott at 06:25 AM eMail this entry!
May 11, 2010
Better Marriage Blanket

I need one of these. Not for me. Him.

My story, sticking to it.

Posted by Ellen at 09:13 PM eMail this entry!
May 10, 2010
Red State Point

I'm actually a little surprised I hadn't heard of the weatherman gaffe until now.

Posted by scott at 06:55 AM eMail this entry!
May 09, 2010
C'mere, You Little Monster

Pat gets a no-prize that'll threaten to stop the car if we don't all settle down for bringing us a mother bear "rescuing" her cub. Me, I think it was less a rescue and more an example of the lengths parents will go to get their kids to shut the heck up.

Posted by scott at 03:09 PM eMail this entry!
Muffin!

“If there’s one thing I’m known for, it’s my muffin.” So did Betty White introduce her delicacy on “Delicious Dish,”

I am sad I forgot about this!

Posted by Ellen at 09:07 AM eMail this entry!
Tick TOOOCK!!!!

One of the less often noted features of pop music is its amazing flexibility. Hopefully the guy won't get busted for violating copyright or licensing. Yeah, it's a parody, but when's the last time that stopped the RIAA?

Posted by scott at 06:46 AM eMail this entry!
May 07, 2010
Anti-Win

Me: "Ellen, you gotta see this."

Ellen: "The upside down kid is the best... Oh, god, the upside down one... and this one's using the wrong finger... and naked photos..."

Posted by scott at 10:31 PM eMail this entry!
Decimals are Important

It appears that yesterdays market chaos was caused by a trader entering "b" for billions instead of "m" for millions. These sorts of errors are possible often because it never occurs to the developers that someone would be that dumb. Unfortunately, they all too often are.

Posted by scott at 07:01 AM eMail this entry!
May 06, 2010
Aliens Go Where???

I'll see your "OMFG! We want your money and you won't give it to us BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID!" politicians and raise you a governor who's been abducted by freaking ALIENS. There's progressive, and then there's progressive.

I WANT TO BELIEVE!

Posted by scott at 10:35 PM eMail this entry!
May 04, 2010
Of Course, it Had to Be a Republican

Yeah, well, no excuses: Republican senator busted looking at porn on the Senate floor. The question for the day is, are Democrats avoiding getting busted on these things because they're just that virtuous, or because they're not smart enough to actually point the web browser at the right site?

I'm sure you've already guessed my answer.

Posted by scott at 06:54 PM eMail this entry!
May 03, 2010
Red Black Humor

Sometimes it takes a few jokes to bring home how awful a place can be. Unfortunately people living in communist regimes have been telling jokes like this all the way back to the days of Lenin. Professors still think it's a viable system of government.

Posted by scott at 06:45 AM eMail this entry!
April 30, 2010
Gamer Video

So, well, do you??? Those of you who liked "Dorkness Rising" would do well to find season 1 of The Guild. Unlike Dorkness, they've announced season 4 of The Guild. Available on DVD and Netflix streaming!

Posted by scott at 07:04 PM eMail this entry!
If Real-Life Gamers Starred in Horror Flicks

Gamers are professional paranoiacs because there really is someone out to get us, and the game master gets to bend the rules to do it.

Posted by scott at 06:24 AM eMail this entry!
April 28, 2010
Sorta Says it All

The fact we can even attempt to compare Social Security with Bernie Madoff's ponzi scheme speaks volumes. I've long considered my Social Security contributions as an expensive tax, money I'll never see again. I can state with full confidence that if I'd been given all that money as vouchers meant for tax-deferred accounts my personal retirement portfolio would be far more impressive than it already is.

But no, can't have that. We can't trust you with the money you made! If we just give you that money back who knows what you'll spend it on?

Posted by scott at 04:14 PM eMail this entry!
April 27, 2010
DBPP and Hypnotized Chickens

Power Point presentations have been identified as the next enemy the Pentagon must conquer. The folks at my old workplace were generally not competent enough to actually sew one together. At my new workplace, I'm either too far down the food chain to see one, or everyone's too busy to really mess with them. At any rate, the ones I have seen were mercifully restricted to just one or two slides.

Other folks, with other jobs, likely have a different experience. They'll probably find the article even funnier than I did.

Posted by scott at 02:45 PM eMail this entry!
April 23, 2010
Zoom-Zoom

Trust me, the only real difference between the inside of this car and mine is the language. Alternate title: a quick lesson in how to swear in Italian.

Posted by scott at 07:16 AM eMail this entry!
April 22, 2010
Damn. Just... Damn...

When posting rants about one's wife, the first advice is to not do it. If one must, one is advised to do so in a forum she does not frequent. Ignore this advice at your peril (post 1, then post 44). It's fun to rant. It's not fun to do it where a permanent record is left behind.

Of course, that assumes the thing isn't some giant hoax. No promises, no wagering.

Posted by scott at 06:29 AM eMail this entry!
April 21, 2010
GIMMEH!!

That would be Octopus: 1, Cameraman: 0. Alien, but smart!

Posted by scott at 06:44 AM eMail this entry!
April 19, 2010
Crazy is as Crazy Does
Posted by scott at 08:26 PM eMail this entry!
April 18, 2010
I Bet it Goes Well with Fava Beans
Posted by scott at 09:42 AM eMail this entry!
April 17, 2010
Watchout for the...

I'm suspicious, because the video is just so perfect, but I still LOL'd at this skateboard fail. Note to the squeamish: does not involve blood or broken bones. But it probably should've.

Posted by scott at 08:03 AM eMail this entry!
April 16, 2010
Underoos, for the Rest of Us

Coming to a Target near you: licensed pop culture images on men's underwear. Surprisingly, I do not actually have underwear with the cross-and-serpent on it. And, personally, I'm fine with that.

Posted by scott at 06:42 AM eMail this entry!
April 14, 2010
Conquering the Universe By Being... Delicious

Two words: Bacon AT-AT. Or is that three? Is AT-AT even a word? Oh who knows, I'm sure it violates a license or two. And soooo tasty...

Posted by scott at 06:25 PM eMail this entry!
April 13, 2010
Fun with Figurines

I'm not sure why a giant collection of storm trooper pictures is entertaining, but it is. Probably has something to do with all the pollen in the air, that sort of thing.

Posted by scott at 07:00 AM eMail this entry!
I Know This Can't be Real

Because if it was, it would've been Ellen who got a Droid, not me. It does sometimes seem the dratted little thing is omnipotent. But it's only a perception.

Posted by scott at 06:37 AM eMail this entry!
April 12, 2010
Captain Obvious in the PRC

Berkeley, CA would like to remind everyone Florida has not completely stolen the Golden State's "wtf is wrong with you?" title. Georgetown's singular homeless man was given a tent so he could camp wherever he wanted in the city. I'm not at all sure if he's still around, thought.

Posted by scott at 06:46 AM eMail this entry!
April 11, 2010
How... Charming...

How Zombie-fan Joshua missed out on brain cupcakes is beyond me. Red velvet cake: the utlimate freak-you-out baking good.

Posted by scott at 07:14 PM eMail this entry!
April 10, 2010
Looks Like a James Bond Villan to Me

We heard about the guy who "blinged up" his bald head on the radio yesterday morning. Now we know what that looks like. An Englishman, being eccentric. Ya don't say...

Posted by scott at 07:45 AM eMail this entry!
April 09, 2010
Literature, for the Rest of Us

I'm not at all sure if this supposed creative writing exercise is for real, but it sure is funny. A radical right sci-fi nerd getting yoked to a vapidly leftist emo chick? What's not to love?

Posted by scott at 06:42 PM eMail this entry!
April 08, 2010
That's not Very Nice

Occasionally a Fark headline really does make me laugh out loud. When that happens, I think it's worth memorializing: Military commanders in Afghanistan have found that rather than a verbal apology to tribal leaders, the preferred way to ask forgiveness is to give them New Zealand supermodels. Now that's the wrong sort of animalympics right there, son.

Posted by scott at 05:28 PM eMail this entry!
When Costumers Attack

Actually, a couple of these Star-Wars based costumes aren't that bad. And, trust me on this one, they saved the best for last.

Posted by scott at 07:00 AM eMail this entry!
April 07, 2010
Delusional Meditation

Deepak Chopra seems to have taken the meditation equivalent of a massive dump, and the results were about what he would expect. Problems with causality would seem to not be a monopoly of the religious right after all.

Posted by scott at 06:43 AM eMail this entry!
April 03, 2010
When Cabling Attacks

Just because it's obvious doesn't mean it's not worth repeating: you should always use the cheapest HDMI cables you can find. Click the graphic to make it enlarge. Lamp cord for speakers, good quality RCA cables, and cheap HDMI. Interconnects, for the rest of us!

Posted by scott at 07:04 AM eMail this entry!
April 01, 2010
~ Can Somebody Find Me Somebody to Love / Can Any Body Find Meee.. ~

Ahem... ~some body TOOOOOOOOOOOO... LUUUUHhuhuhuhohohuvvvv.~ We especially like the couple with the assault rifle and the parrot.

Posted by scott at 03:13 PM eMail this entry!
In Washington, This is Almost Believable

Annie gets an obstinately silly no-prize for bringing us news that an advocacy group is lobbying to have the Washington Monument moved 300 feet to the left. Why? Because that's where L'Enfant intended it to go, that's why!

Posted by scott at 02:36 PM eMail this entry!
The Country's in the Best of Hands

Now, I understand that island nations have lots of problems specific to their situation. That said, I'm pretty sure one of them capsizing due to overpopulation isn't on that list.

"Well now, Lancelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise..."

And yes, I realize he's got some weird medical condition making him act this way. If I had a medical condition that made me act that way I would not have any job, let alone one that allows me to tinker with a whole country.

Posted by scott at 08:50 AM eMail this entry!
March 30, 2010
That's... Colorful...

I'll see your be-winged, be-striped, beknighted rice truck and raise you one dragon. Or "Dagron", as the case may be. Ya know, the defining feature of a riced-out Honda is its base is quite cheap. The Corvette is expensive, even when it's a couple of years old. Ah well. His car, his money, his fun. And mine too, since I get to point and laugh at it.

Compensating for "visa-versa?" Why whatever do you mean?

Posted by scott at 09:49 AM eMail this entry!
March 29, 2010
Well Why Not?

This time I'm including the lyrics because, while the kids are cute, it's a little hard to understand what they're singing. If it gets kids interested in music, I'm all for it!

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Aperture Science
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line.

And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa
THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.

Look at me still talking
when there's Science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are still alive.
And believe me I am still alive.

I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
STILL ALIVE (x2)

Posted by scott at 10:30 PM eMail this entry!
March 28, 2010
The Color Purple...Hair

Posted by Ellen at 09:50 PM eMail this entry!
March 26, 2010
That'll Buff Out

Damion gets a no-prize that's stone-dead reliable, but only to a point, for bringing us this abject lesson in why race car engineers get paid for what they do.

Posted by scott at 03:17 PM eMail this entry!
March 25, 2010
Go On and Play it, I Dare You

You'll have this song in your head the rest of the day...

Dang it, they need to come out with v2.0. It's been, what, three years at least?

Posted by scott at 05:30 PM eMail this entry!
March 23, 2010
that thou mayst shoot thine enemies full of holes, in thy mercy

Ron gets a no-prize he can hurl down at the wayward people when he returns from the mountain for bringing us The Gospel According to John [Moses Browning]. The only bad things I've consistently read about the 1911 was its weight and its kick. I guess that's why they're still so popular after all these years.

Posted by scott at 02:22 PM eMail this entry!
March 22, 2010
Well, I'd Hope It'd be LARGE

Ron T. gets a no-prize that'll impress the ladies in the past again for bringing us the best hard-core nerd headline fail of the year. So far. In the past. Or was it, again?

Posted by scott at 10:50 PM eMail this entry!
Tautology, with a Smiley

Mike J. gets a no-prize he'll just have to take our word about for bringing us this abject lesson in economic theory. The best part will be the folks on the left side of the peanut gallery will who see injustice and calumny as the lesson to be learned. More's the pity.

Posted by scott at 04:14 PM eMail this entry!
March 21, 2010
I, for One, Welcome Our Robotic Rabbis

Bris?, Seder? Search for Sarah Conner? It's all good. Your mother wants you to visit her. You have fifteen seconds to comply.

Posted by scott at 04:33 PM eMail this entry!
Welcome to the Geek Drama. Please have a Seat

Event: a rich association out-bids a different, slightly less rich association for a prime hotel because someone wasn't paying attention to who was going to be in town that weekend.

Result: ZOMG!!1!!ELVENTY!!! ALGORE IS GOING TO KILL COMICON!!!

I watched a non-profit schedule their annual meeting for 14 years. Getting outbid happens. This reaction? Comic book guy would be so proud...

Posted by scott at 04:28 PM eMail this entry!
March 19, 2010
When Spin Attacks

ZOMG!!1!1ONE!1 Google's gonna take over teh hole wurld!!!

Mike J. gets the coveted "tin foil hat" no-prize for bringing us proof that no matter how hard you try to please people, there's definitely going to be someone out there who'll go all Chicken Little on you for trying.

Posted by scott at 10:21 AM eMail this entry!
Photoshop Fail

Being a professional graphic artist sometimes just means everyone gets to see your mistakes. Some of them are a little subtle but others...

Posted by scott at 09:50 AM eMail this entry!
March 18, 2010
Typo? What's a Typo?

Now, I'm not at all sure if all of these broadcast news "fails" are legit, but most of them sure seem to be. Looks like a combination of "durpdurpdurp", "it's my last day f'it" to me.

Posted by scott at 04:21 PM eMail this entry!
March 16, 2010
I Guess Everyone Needs a Hobby

Sometimes there's no improving the Fark headline: I have no idea what you're talking about so here's a picture of an alpaca surfing off the coast of Peru. No, really.

Sorta reminds me of a really retarded-looking cat. I guess it's the pissed off look I'm recognizing.

Posted by scott at 11:01 PM eMail this entry!
Best. Title. Evar!

That's No Angry Mob, that's My Mother. If my own mom hadn't blown out her knees years ago, I'm just about certain she'd be right up there carrying a sign. Heck, I'd lend Olivia to her to hold another, just for the cuteness effect.

Posted by scott at 09:02 PM eMail this entry!
March 15, 2010
In Italy, This is Called, "a Discussion"

Hey, it's definitely more interesting than the local news in our town!

Posted by scott at 01:44 PM eMail this entry!
March 12, 2010
I'm Lucky. I Have One. Ok, More Than One.

I live in DC! What do you want!?

Posted by Ellen at 06:39 PM eMail this entry!
At Least It's a Cheerful Thought

Mike J. gets a grimly amused no-prize for bringin us this "oddly specific" graveyard sign. No, Ellen, you can't have it.

Posted by scott at 09:40 AM eMail this entry!
March 09, 2010
When Customizers Attack

Leave it to the Top Gear crew to resoundingly call out people with too much time on their hands and far too many crayons in their box. The pictures are scary. The captions are a scream.

Posted by scott at 08:22 PM eMail this entry!
March 08, 2010
I Have Absolutely No Idea What to Make of This

Is it a rickroll from 1976? A clever recreation of something that might have come from the 70s? A commercial for "Bob" that went horribly wrong somehow? You decide. Yeah, it's been making the rounds, but I hadn't seen it. Therefore nobody important had seen it either, until now.

Posted by scott at 11:46 AM eMail this entry!
March 07, 2010
So That's Where Ellen's House Shoes Came From

WTF Girl Photo - This is who Jim Henson used to call when the muppet show got out of hand.
see more hawtness

Amber got Ellen these ridiculously fuzzy house shoes for Christmas. Now I know who "harvested" them. Go for the picture, stay for the goofy gamer quote at the bottom of the entry.

Posted by scott at 05:36 PM eMail this entry!
What... the... Heck?!?

I have no idea what to make of this. But I like it! Oink oink oink...

Posted by scott at 05:17 PM eMail this entry!
The Grammas In Action

We

see more pictures

No, not Olivia's. This is what's called a "representative sample."

Posted by scott at 05:10 PM eMail this entry!
March 06, 2010
Posters, for the Rest of Us

Yeah I know, been making the rounds, but I thought this set of "truth in movie posters" was funnier than most. Maybe because, for once, I've actually seen several on the list?

Posted by scott at 03:10 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

And it's a nice thought, too. In a weird and twisted way, but still nice.

Posted by scott at 02:15 PM eMail this entry!
March 04, 2010
It's Chav-Tastic!

And now to give Ron and Amber horrific Jersey flash-backs. Some of these I'd seen before, others were quite new. It's my understanding this sort of... behavior... is less a "whole" New Jersey thing and more a "north NJ / East Long Island" sort of thing. None of my in-laws who live in the area look like this, but I bet they know people who do.

Posted by scott at 03:54 PM eMail this entry!
When Bootlegs Attack

Nothing like people who don't even have English as a second language to really get creative with the bootleg merchandise. I think Fox should license those Simpson knock-offs and sell them here as legit. That sort of loopiness just dovetails so nicely with the actual series.

Posted by scott at 03:34 PM eMail this entry!
March 03, 2010
Chupacabra Found! Living in Oklahoma!

He says it's known as the Dry Gulch chupacabra, after the legendary animal that supposedly sucks the blood of goats.

Really? Goats? This one was found in a trap with a slice of apple.

Posted by Ellen at 05:32 PM eMail this entry!
Deconstruction, for the Rest of Us

Mark gets a no-prize don' do nothin' but talk some sense for bringing us this lesson in why it's best to just leave old white people alone. Personally I just want to get my rear home when I'm on the bus. I imagine that's what the old man wanted too.

Update: Some local radio station found the principals, and interviewed them.

Posted by scott at 01:30 PM eMail this entry!
February 28, 2010
*SNICKER*

Funny Facebook Fails
see more funny facebook stuff!
Posted by Ellen at 09:19 PM eMail this entry!
February 27, 2010
Digging For Diamonds... Bovine Style!

Needless to say, the homebound bovines cause "total chaos," upending furniture, scattering belongings, and generally making a mess of things.

It's not every day that you get guest like these.

Fun thing is, we've been to Murfreesburo digging for diamonds! The little water park at the diamond mine was fun too!

Posted by Ellen at 08:24 AM eMail this entry!
February 26, 2010
Puppet Bewbies!

Now wait a darned second, I thought Colorado Springs was a bastion of limousine liberals? A case of me getting my cities messed up, or yet another example of progressives making sure the little people are not led astray? Meh, probably the former, but it'd be funnier if it was the latter.

Posted by scott at 06:35 AM eMail this entry!
February 25, 2010
NNNNERRDDSS!!!

And now, the largest lightsaber battle ever filmed. In Bristol. No, not the planet, the town. I'm not even sure there is a planet Bristol. Oh, God, now I'm doing it too...

Posted by scott at 01:06 PM eMail this entry!
February 24, 2010
Welcome to My World

One of the unexpected perqs of my previous job was the deliriously loopy phone messages I would sometimes find in my voice mail. Sometimes they were scary, sometimes they were incoherent, usually they were harmless but entertaining. The effort put into them was occasionally impressive, as was the time when every single person in the organization got the exact same 3 minute message, a message obviously NOT written down but memorized exactly, five times in a row. We later figured he started at about 8 pm and finished up some time after 3 am the next morning.

At any rate, I got one that was so loopy and yet so characteristic I captured it. You can listen to the redacted version here. Apologies for all the ads, if there's a better host let me know. Enjoy the quirkiness of what wobbling off one's meds actually sounds like.

Posted by scott at 08:58 AM eMail this entry!
February 23, 2010
Aiiiieeeee!!!

No matter how many times you see these, they will always make you laugh.

Wheee!!

Posted by Ellen at 09:21 PM eMail this entry!
Magazines, for the Rest of Us

Now, personally I'd include a few articles about cars, but otherwise these examples of how men would write women's magazines is bang-on. You know, as it were...

Posted by scott at 06:53 AM eMail this entry!
February 22, 2010
Fun with Searches

Brent B. gets a very instructive no-prize for showing us what a simple Google search can reveal. Which Ron never even thought of. @Ron: Son, I am disappoint.

Posted by scott at 08:04 PM eMail this entry!
That's One Way to Get Rid of It

Ever wonder what would happen to a laptop if you submerged it in liquid nitrogen? Wonder no more. Two observations: a jerk-off who does something unexpected is still a jerk-off, and does that guy look like Egon or what?

Posted by scott at 01:40 PM eMail this entry!
February 20, 2010
Grasshopper Tacos!

Sorry the vid is grainy! It has grease on it. *Scott*

Posted by Ellen at 05:02 PM eMail this entry!
February 19, 2010
Learn Not to Burn

Remember when mom said to never put anything in your ear smaller than your elbow? That's because she didn't think she needed to tell you not to put flaming crap there too.

Because we all know Ellen's much smarter than that.

Posted by scott at 04:33 PM eMail this entry!
February 18, 2010
Maybe This Program Won't Get Cancelled

Leave it to the Onion to just, out of nowhere, completely skewer "the NASA way." Oh don't worry, it's not mean. But it is appropriate. NASA-friend Kevin, you have been warned.

Posted by scott at 12:40 PM eMail this entry!
When Pelicans Attack

No, really, when pelicans attack! In this case, a weatherman who screams like a girl. Buck up, man, it's just a goofy bird!

Posted by scott at 12:26 PM eMail this entry!
February 17, 2010
WANT!

How cute is this!?

I need one!

Posted by Ellen at 09:38 PM eMail this entry!
February 15, 2010
Godwin's Climategate

To this day I haven't found one of those Hitler parodies unfunny. This one is no exception. This marks the second time this re-worded rant matched exactly what I picture going on in the head of one of the people sitting in the extreme left of the peanut gallery.

Posted by scott at 08:21 AM eMail this entry!
February 12, 2010
Paging Deep Purple, White Courtesy Phone Please

Hey, if you can't post a huge website dedicated to a tired, old inside joke about British cars, what's the point of having it? Italian wiring has a good reputation for reliability, as long as you realize the wiring diagram is more of a suggestion than an actual, you know, tool. They make this stuff for computer circuits too, but in smaller, more expensive containers.

Posted by scott at 06:57 AM eMail this entry!
February 11, 2010
Busted

Think of it as an update to the piña colada song, only with a more realistic ending. I don't have to worry about something like that, because a baseball bat cocking backward behind my head doesn't make a noise.

Posted by scott at 03:14 PM eMail this entry!
February 10, 2010
Roarbag

Mark Ron gets a no-prize that'll keep him warm at night for bringing us yet another quirky Japanese interpretation of a mundane bit of camping gear. Honestly, I got nothing for this one.

Posted by scott at 11:27 AM eMail this entry!
February 09, 2010
Whooops!!

Cameraman takes a spill on the ice from our recent storm.

Note how the reporter keeps going. *snicker*

Posted by Ellen at 06:28 AM eMail this entry!
February 05, 2010
Now, if it Were Sam Adams...

Mark and Ron share a no-prize that's willing to sacrifice for the right thing for bringing us this viral bit of advertising. It's a little long for a Super Bowl ad, but I wouldn't be surprised to see a 30-second version this weekend.

Posted by scott at 07:36 AM eMail this entry!
February 04, 2010
Your Smile For The Day

Posted by Ellen at 07:08 AM eMail this entry!
Ellen? Is that You?

Hey, trust me, it's an emergency of epic proportions around here too: woman arrested for dialing 9-1-1 repeatedly after losing her cellphone. Eerily Ellen-like denouement: it was found in her jacket while police were searching her. If my wife looked at me like she looked at her phone...

Posted by scott at 06:32 AM eMail this entry!
January 31, 2010
Wackos, Ho!

Nice to see our side has theatrical wackos too. Oh, shut up. Your side got to do crazy crap like that for the past eight years. Our turn now...

Posted by scott at 05:52 PM eMail this entry!
January 30, 2010
What the Hell Else are Soldiers Supposed to Do?
Posted by scott at 12:32 PM eMail this entry!
January 29, 2010
At Least Now I Know Why Olberman Still has a Job

US TV news isn't quite as formulaic. Oh, who am I kidding? We just have a different formula on this side of the pond.

Posted by scott at 06:12 PM eMail this entry!
Oopsie!

Mark gets a no-prize that makes the dolphin noise for bringing us this silly little bit of fluff.

Posted by scott at 06:29 AM eMail this entry!
January 28, 2010
Oh, the Huge Manatee

I guess tattoo artists don't have the advantage of that red squiggly line you get in a word processor. Some of Ellen's ink looks mis-spelled, but that's because it's in Latin. How do I know it's spelled correctly then? Well, Mark (who wrote it out) is still breathing, right?

Posted by scott at 05:46 PM eMail this entry!
January 27, 2010
Ha-Ha!
Posted by Ellen at 06:39 PM eMail this entry!
Best Sign EVAR!!
Posted by Ellen at 06:26 AM eMail this entry!
January 26, 2010
Kill it! Kill it with Fire!

NOTE: This is not one of those "giant loud scream at the end" practical jokes, so no worries there. I especially liked his tiny helper's advice at the end.

Posted by scott at 10:50 AM eMail this entry!
January 25, 2010
Sugar Noms!

Posted by Ellen at 06:11 PM eMail this entry!
January 22, 2010
How... Tasteful...

Ron gets a gold-plated no-prize for bringing us proof that poor taste knows no color nor national boundary. I think it also just might stand as the signal example of, "if you spend enough money on it, any damned thing can be made to look good." C.f. "Spelling, Tori."

Posted by scott at 03:51 PM eMail this entry!
January 20, 2010
Your Thought for the Day

These things just never stop being funny. Well, to me anyway.

Posted by scott at 09:35 AM eMail this entry!
January 15, 2010
The Dress

20668_289651081787_734831787_5123276_4845636_n.jpg

Who doesn't like a dress with pom-poms on it!

Posted by Ellen at 07:25 PM eMail this entry!
January 14, 2010
Suddenly, the Japanese have a Challenger

Three words: Star Wars Disco. 70s Star Wars Disco. 70s, French Star Wars Disco. My brother and I almost wore a hole in a copy of that disco single when it was new. In our defense, I was 9 and he was 7.

Posted by scott at 08:31 PM eMail this entry!
That's not Very Nice

Hey, man, scaring the crap out of you as you do your death-defying bungee jump is just what friends are for. I know my friends very well. That's why they'll all be in the next county if I ever try a stunt like this. Kevin and Ron will have to be, I dunno, on Mars or something.

Posted by scott at 08:21 PM eMail this entry!
January 13, 2010
You Gotta be Kidding Me

Two words: Cleavage caddie. Like I need another excuse to go rummaging around in there...

Posted by scott at 08:05 PM eMail this entry!
January 12, 2010
Three Words...

Death. Metal. Chicken.

That's about what it sounds like to me, too.

Posted by scott at 10:04 PM eMail this entry!
It Just Keeps Getting Better

This winter is so cold... [HOW COLD IS IT?!?] ... it's so cold, it renders sea turtles unconscious. Bonus: it's happening in Texas.

By rights, this is a giant trap about to snap into the hottest summer in decades. But I'm not betting money on it.

Posted by scott at 10:00 PM eMail this entry!
January 08, 2010
Oopsie!

Nothing like a few really choice TV news bloopers to start your Friday off right. Includes the infamous, "keep f-ing that chicken" clip that Stern kept playing late last year. In that one, the look on the lady on the left's face is priceless.

Posted by scott at 07:06 AM eMail this entry!
January 07, 2010
GAK!!

This website is OLD and RICKETY and a pain in the ass to update.. so you get the SAME story from 2 ppl on this site... FACELIFT needed here!

Posted by Ellen at 09:56 PM eMail this entry!
January 06, 2010
Lucas Live

It turns out George Lucas really does have a sense of humor. I know, I know. It just seems like the very few interviews he seems to give mostly involve him patiently putting up with the reporter. Well, yes, he does that here too, but at least laughs at the end.

Posted by scott at 06:05 PM eMail this entry!
January 05, 2010
What a Charmer

Nothing like a bored roommate with access to gay porn to ruin your whole day (SFW). Lemme tell you, one of my family members does that to my electronics, There Would be a Reckoning. And that's only if I got to them first. When Ellen handles things, people just don't show up to work the next day. Or ever.

Posted by scott at 07:11 PM eMail this entry!
January 04, 2010
Proof of that 10,000 Monkeys Thing

Fark just announced the winners of its "Best Headlines of 2009", and they really are that special. Yeah, it's a cage full of shrieking chimps flinging poo, but it's my cage full of shrieking chimps flinging poo. Unlike Face the Nation, at least these chimps are funny. About as useful, too.

Posted by scott at 07:21 PM eMail this entry!
December 29, 2009
My Kind of Game

Just gotta watch the back-stop, I guess. Mark gets a no-prize that'll he can charge his fellow re-enactors to use for bringing us this great example of "adapt and re-use."

Update: Now with "video that works" goodness!

Posted by scott at 08:30 AM eMail this entry!
December 28, 2009
Like Trying to Convince the Tide to Go Back

When A Gramma gets something into her head, it would take nothing short of a crowbar to get it out. The best part is, neither Ellen nor her mother think this lady has much of an accent.

Posted by scott at 03:49 PM eMail this entry!
Sha. Like Mine Would Ever Listen

Nothing quite like someone goofing on Garfield. What? Are you kidding? Ok, here's a hint: my wife and Amber give each other framed pictures of their cats for Christmas, and they aren't joking. I never, ever yell at our cats, especially when Ellen's not around. Yep, that's right.

Posted by scott at 03:43 PM eMail this entry!
The Year in Review

The sad part is, this is only a little exaggerated. One of my favorites: "On the environmental front, Copenhagen hosts a massive international conference aimed at halting manmade global warming, attended by thousands of delegates who flew to Denmark on magical carbon-free unicorns."

Posted by scott at 06:48 AM eMail this entry!
December 22, 2009
Fake, but a Funny Fake

And now, a guy with a blowtorch in his ass. Hey, folks, we know you come here for high brow discussions and fine culture, and we aim to please! Stay classy, AMCG!

Posted by scott at 05:31 PM eMail this entry!
Redneck Rampage

I'm sorry, there's just something about a redneck fisherman messing up that never stops being funny. Probably has something to do with his being from Tennessee.

Posted by scott at 05:26 PM eMail this entry!
December 17, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 06:32 AM eMail this entry!
December 14, 2009
Dominick The Donkey

Posted by Ellen at 07:59 PM eMail this entry!
Puts a Whole New Meaning to, "Oohh... you have... a sparkly!"

And now, a platinum and diamond vibrator. Yeah, can't see that one heading our way for Christmas any time soon. Seems to me it'd be likely to chafe.

Via, of all places, Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 06:54 PM eMail this entry!
December 11, 2009
He Can't be Happy with How that Ended

Let the Tiger Woods parodies...begin!!! Video is naughty but contains no nudity and, wtf, it's Friday afternoon. Knock yourself out!

Posted by scott at 04:51 PM eMail this entry!
December 10, 2009
Stage 2

First Saturday Night Live, now The Daily Show. The trouble with being funny while making a point is the point sticks a lot better. Well, I guess it's only trouble if the point is toward you.

Posted by scott at 06:48 AM eMail this entry!
December 09, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

lookscool.jpg
Posted by scott at 07:06 PM eMail this entry!
December 07, 2009
Atlas Syndrome

One thing you can always count on the Democrats for is eating their own children. It took me reading it in three places to realize this really is Code Pink going after the sitting president.

Posted by scott at 07:14 AM eMail this entry!
December 04, 2009
Suddenly the Name Ours Has isn't that Clever

I can remember when there were only 2 other wireless networks detectable in our neighborhood. Recently I had reason to do another scan and there must've been 20. None had names as memorable as this. That sound you hear is Ron furiously scribbling ideas for his, once he gets it.

Posted by scott at 02:58 PM eMail this entry!
In Other News, Water Wet, Sky Blue

Idea: Compare how men who watch porn compare with those who don't. Problem: Finding someone, anyone, who can make up the latter group. Sometimes even when the experiment fails to get off the ground it can still tell you something.

Posted by scott at 06:53 AM eMail this entry!
December 03, 2009
Our Father, Who Art in the White House

Mike J. gets a no-prize he'll have to protect from the monks when they come boiling out of Hagia Irene tonight* for bringing us this oh-so-subtle bit of symbolism during a recent Obama press conference. It can't possibly be an accident. I'm just amazed the editor had the balls to run the picture anyway.

----
Oh, go look it up yourself this time.

Posted by scott at 07:15 PM eMail this entry!
Fun with Games

While I was never (often) like this, I can think of several dozen guys who were. When they were done messing up text games they'd usually head over to the chat rooms.

You know, chat rooms? They were like IM, but with more nerds and creeps.

Posted by scott at 06:32 AM eMail this entry!
November 30, 2009
Ok, that's Just Tacky

Latest "best of" Fark headline: Rockville Police shoot Jesus. Awwwwwkwaaaaaard. Actual story, with "no, that really is the headline" goodness is here.

Update: Comment bonus:

What do you call a dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

A guy who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

Also: What is the the difference between apathy and agnosticism?

I don't know, and I don't care.

Posted by scott at 10:25 PM eMail this entry!
Over in One

I always knew the Twilight saga could be summed up in a single sentence, I just didn't know it'd be this funny. Then again, this is Hollywood. I'm pretty sure simple is required, if only to help the executives.

Posted by scott at 08:05 PM eMail this entry!
November 25, 2009
Shhh!!!

Nothing like a bit of humor to really skewer a sacred cow. Cue the shrieking watermelon response!

Posted by scott at 12:22 PM eMail this entry!
Holiday Fun, FTW!

Posted by scott at 10:34 AM eMail this entry!
November 24, 2009
Fun with Faceboook

See, I'm such a terrible Star Wars nerd it actually bothers me that some of these updates aren't really possible. You know, in a plot-consistent sort of way.

Oh, no, thanks but Ellen gives me a, "needs to get out more" sign at least once a week.

Posted by scott at 07:49 PM eMail this entry!
If it's Stupid and It Works...

... it's not stupid. Alternatively: "I care not what color the cat is, as long as it catches mice." That said, it still looks like something Olivia would bring home after school

Posted by scott at 06:37 AM eMail this entry!
November 23, 2009
~ And Oh, / After the Love Has Gone ~

Go for the excellent extended parody. Stay for the huffy, "yes, but Bush..." comments. Eventually these people will have to move on, but I'm not holding my breath.

Posted by scott at 10:28 AM eMail this entry!
November 20, 2009
Why Gamers Make for Lousy Heroes in a Novel

The only minority less likely to die in a haunted house than black people are gamers. Because it'd take us three days of testing and spell casting before we'd set foot in the yard. F'ing ghosts would throw rocks at us to make us go away.

Posted by scott at 08:55 PM eMail this entry!
Of Course They're Bad! Why? Because We Say They Are!

Ah, I get it now. I get it. Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, that Beck guy I've never actually seen but sure seems to get the left side of the peanut gallery riled up, I now see the truth about those horrible, evil people! Now I understand why everyone on that side takes the sports caster with the thick glasses so damned seriously.

Well, then again...

BeckLimbaughCoulter-600x267.jpg
Posted by scott at 01:07 PM eMail this entry!
Headline of the Week

Squirrels, having trouble climbing down trees, evolved more flexible ankles. Cats, having trouble climbing down trees, evolved humans with pulleys. Via a Fark note to this article.

Posted by scott at 06:53 AM eMail this entry!
November 19, 2009
When Wedding Guests Attack

I'm sure there's a bridezilla in your life you'd wish this on. There's definitely NOT one in ours. My story, sticking to it.

Posted by scott at 08:01 PM eMail this entry!
November 18, 2009
But I'm not Bitter...

Posted by scott at 06:32 AM eMail this entry!
November 17, 2009
But He's not Bitter

The first part of this sounds like Ellen's pre-child apartment. The rest sounds like various cousins and other relations. But not me. I wasn't cool enough for an apartment. But man, we tore up that dorm room! [Geeky snort!]

Posted by scott at 07:38 PM eMail this entry!
November 14, 2009
Tick... Tock...

Go for the report about a cop who called 9-1-1 because he thought he was OD'ing on pot brownies. Stay for the anchor desk that won't stop giggling. I know, I know, stoners aren't funny. But these are.

Posted by scott at 09:30 AM eMail this entry!
November 13, 2009
AAAEEEEEYAAA!!!

Roundabouts are supposed to slow drivers down. Frequent readers will note the use of the word "supposed". Hopefully nobody got hurt.

Posted by scott at 07:21 AM eMail this entry!
They're from the Bay Area? Really?

I guess it's just as well I never saw the aerobics dance championship when it first aired. Not that, you know, anything's wrong with that.

Posted by scott at 07:15 AM eMail this entry!
November 11, 2009
Oh Dear

And now, men with mustaches. One of them is traditional, two of them don't look ridiculous. The rest? Well, you'll have to see for yourself.

Posted by scott at 10:36 AM eMail this entry!
November 09, 2009
At Least This One isn't Stupid

Just in time for the sequel to premiere, we have proof SNL can still sometimes be relevant. And that Taylor Swift is at least as good an actress as what's-'er-name. But since he's not, you know, sparkly, I don't think Amber will be as interested in this one.

Posted by scott at 08:00 PM eMail this entry!
November 06, 2009
Ok, Who Gave Ron the Keys to the Grounds Keeper's Shed?

When I was in high school, this sort of thing would've passed nearly unnoticed. Google maps. Is there anything it can't make better?

Posted by scott at 06:40 PM eMail this entry!
November 05, 2009
A Blast from Ellen's Past

Once again, I get to make a Foxworthy joke about my yankee and emphatically not redneck wife. To wit: "If you can recognize a wrestler, and identify the wrestlemania he starred in, just by the theme song they play...

Me, I called it, "giant costumed white guy chases around skinny well dressed black guy."

And yes, children, at one time that sort of flat top was thought to be cool.

Posted by scott at 08:31 PM eMail this entry!
Not that There's Anything Wrong with That

We all know them. now they have a name. And they're taking it back! Bah. I'm not even that cool.

Posted by scott at 08:20 PM eMail this entry!
November 04, 2009
A Winning Fail

I have found college friend Kevin's long-lost brother, driving a forklift in a warehouse somewhere in Russia. Meh. Coulda been worse. Coulda been beer.

Posted by scott at 06:57 AM eMail this entry!
When Access Attacks

I think the ultimate point is that, even after spending millions of dollars on fancy things like pretty people, clever writers, and glossy special effects, network TV still can't do better than a weirdo with one camera. And to think at one point network TV was all there was.

Posted by scott at 06:51 AM eMail this entry!
November 03, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

japan.jpg
Posted by scott at 06:32 AM eMail this entry!
November 02, 2009
This is Funny and Sweet At The Same Time

Posted by Ellen at 06:02 PM eMail this entry!
November 01, 2009
Yup, That's Ellen

I don't know which was better, the flow chart on how women shop for shoes, or the fact that Ellen read through the first one and didn't even bother to scroll down to read the second. "I know what it says... 'I need a pair of shoes, I go buy a pair of shoes.'"

So close it's scary.

Posted by scott at 04:28 PM eMail this entry!
October 29, 2009
Yeah, I Don't Think So

Wtf? these shake weight things are getting out of control. Then again, considering all the free publicity the inventor is getting, he's probably embarassed all the way to the bank. Free enterprise, FTW!

Posted by scott at 05:26 PM eMail this entry!
October 26, 2009
Gotta Have One!

So now, let us all pause to remember the Yugo, a car so basic it literally gave new meaning to the phrase, "basic transportation. When the best you can do is promote your car's wiring being wrapped in plastic, well son, you've got some problems we need to discuss.

Posted by scott at 09:52 PM eMail this entry!
October 25, 2009
My Kind of Work Out

Mark gets a well-toned no-prize for bringing us the ultimate in women's workout accessories. Video is very SFW. Audio is mildly blue, but very, very funny.

UPDATE: Ellen looked over and said, "Dude, that's a real product. Do another Google search." You know what, she was right. The real video is actually funnier than the parody.

Now, to write down that 800 number...

Posted by scott at 09:44 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

stantisnobel.gif

Posted by scott at 04:44 PM eMail this entry!
October 23, 2009
Bah. Soap is Soap

Still, the look on this kid's face is pretty darned funny. I guess it's true... women have a soap for every damned thing.

Posted by scott at 09:52 AM eMail this entry!
And the Award for Best Actor Goes to...

All this time, I thought it was basketball players who, well, played up the drama in the hopes of drawing a foul. Turns out they got nothing on soccer players. Of course, soccer's always struck me as basketball writ-large, so maybe it's no coincidence?

Posted by scott at 08:14 AM eMail this entry!
That Would Be Traffic: 1, Viper: 0

All the high performance in the world won't get you past the basic physics of traffic. My luck, I'd be the last one on that ramp, in the Spider.

Posted by scott at 08:07 AM eMail this entry!
October 22, 2009
Ok, that's Just Tacky

Joshua and Bobby and Ron and Mark and Rick and... oh hell, you get it, I have found your costume. Except for Kevin. Because he doesn't need another excuse to wander into traffic...

Posted by scott at 08:14 PM eMail this entry!
Best. Fark. Headline. Evar!!!

Old & busted: No spanking your children. New hotness: No yelling at your children. Coming soon: Why does mommy have a drinking problem?

Ok, the article's not that funny, but it's a rare headline indeed that makes me literally laugh out loud.

Us? Well, let's just say I'm glad that time-outs and "groundings" have so far been all we need. Did I mention how I'm so not looking forward to 13?

Posted by scott at 07:10 PM eMail this entry!
But..But..But...Alfas!!!

upskirt.jpg

What would Scott do?

Posted by Ellen at 04:37 PM eMail this entry!
HAHA!!

Thanks to Mark for the funny!

Posted by Ellen at 02:03 PM eMail this entry!
October 19, 2009
Naming Names

Today's goofing on a kid's name comes from Livingston Parish, LA.

Posted by scott at 06:54 AM eMail this entry!
October 13, 2009
FORE!!

Bobbing along at a depth of 754 feet, it is unlikely these balls of Loch Ness will ever see the light of day again.

Oh come on now... we all know those are the eggs of Nessie.

Conspiracy I tell ya!

Posted by Ellen at 08:36 AM eMail this entry!
October 10, 2009
It's Official, the World's Gone Mad

First a Nobel prize for general awsomeness, now golf is an Olympic sport. That's it. I'm done. Stop the world, I want to get off!

Posted by scott at 08:12 AM eMail this entry!
October 09, 2009
Ya Got a'Right Purty Truck...

Englishmen really need to glom onto the fact that sometimes being cute and clever has its limits. I distinctly remember Ellen locking the doors and asking me to drive faster when we got to Fifty-Six, Arkansas*. I, being well aware of what tiny Southern towns can be like, instead drove 2 mph UNDER the speed limit, as quickly as I could.

The thing is, there are places in Wales, Scotland, and Cornwall that'd be just about as hostile. I doubt they'd even last half as long in Australia. In other words, it ain't just us.

----
* Population: 71

Posted by scott at 06:44 PM eMail this entry!
October 08, 2009
It's a Little Like That... Maybe a Lot

I've seen both my parents do at least two of these things at least once. Me? Well, if I'm not in the kitchen to get a beer then I might as well not be in the kitchen.

Posted by scott at 11:41 AM eMail this entry!
October 07, 2009
Oops

This sucks

I wonder what happened next?

Posted by Ellen at 06:17 AM eMail this entry!
Personal Sick Space

How not to catch the swine flu.

Posted by Ellen at 06:14 AM eMail this entry!
October 05, 2009
Hooray for Fail!

A classic:

I link this not because it's unknown... it's been around awhile. I link it because, and I am not making this up, ten years ago this is exactly what Ellen would've done, except she would've done it when the snake came out, not when the lizard jumped. People who've read this site for only a few years will say, "wha???"

Yes, folks. Ten years ago I married a woman who pretty much defined, "deathly afraid of snakes." Now I have a wife who owns two, only because I won't let her own five. Chicks are, as they say, weird.

Posted by scott at 08:26 PM eMail this entry!
Oh, Hai!!!

Nothing like being surrounded by human-scale items for putting a very large, very dangerous, and very free polar bear into perspective. There's big, and then there's polar bear big. And a big thumbs-down to the Fark thread, which didn't produce a single steal-able lol from this remarkable picture.

Posted by scott at 04:22 PM eMail this entry!
October 04, 2009
It's Really Quite Good

Those who haven't glommed onto Top Gear because "It's a Car Show" will do well to review the same guy's take on hot sauce. Well, "nuclear land fill oh please I'm more afraid if I don't die" American hot sauce, that is. The show is actually funnier, because there are three of them and they play off each other.

Posted by scott at 09:31 PM eMail this entry!
October 02, 2009
When Lateral-G Attacks

Ya know, there's a reason they make you wear a 4-point harness on a race track. Especially at Laguna, where (as I've been told) you end up pulling appreciable negative G, due to the elevation changes at the corkscrew. I only ever drove it in a video game, and that was challenging enough.

Posted by scott at 07:58 PM eMail this entry!
Cllllassy!!!

Hey, checkit... trim that'll fit the Milano *AND* the Spider! I always wondered where those ghetto boiz got their bling. Little surprise it's about as generic as the innocent, unsuspecting Japanese sedans they inflict it on.

Posted by scott at 06:43 PM eMail this entry!
MAHBUCKET!!!!
Posted by Ellen at 06:55 AM eMail this entry!
September 30, 2009
~ Oh You'll Never Hear One of Us Repeating Gossip ~

Being famous means you get away with outrageous crap. It also means people get to talk about it, and potentially make up even more outrageous crap. Dang. I got tricked into caring about what celebrities do again!

Posted by scott at 06:55 AM eMail this entry!
September 28, 2009
And the Theater Goes, "BoooOOOoooOO"

The thing is, Ellen has no problem with the idea of chasing tornadoes. You know, big, disastrous, destructive things that quite patently exist, get caught on video all the time, and kill those unfortunate enough to be in their path. However, she will not even entertain the idea of spending the night in an old, broken down house who's worst threat is a nasty rat or a big spider. So, guess which thing will really scare her?

No such thing as ghosts!

Posted by scott at 07:50 PM eMail this entry!
The More You Know...

For my friends on the opposite side of the aisle, there's this typically-reasoned guide to keeping us conservatives from being, well, so darned angry about everything:

Conservatives are very angry these days. I haven’t seen conservatives this angry since the last time a Democrat was president. So the anger is probably because the president is black. While that might not seem so bad, conservative anger could lead to something disastrous: their mobilizing to vote against Democrats.

It's funny because all of this really is how you guys are coming off now that you've got all the reins. Oh I know, I know, my side wasn't any better. Then again, it wasn't my side that got all starry-eyed when "hope and change" was mentioned, eh?

Posted by scott at 01:53 PM eMail this entry!
September 26, 2009
The Dorkness is Strong with These

Ok, maybe it's a little like this. Ok, actually, probably it's a lot like this. Ellen and Amber both liked to make fun of how nerdy their husbands were back in the day. The look on their faces when they were reminded they voluntarily married said dorks was sweet indeed.

Posted by scott at 10:20 AM eMail this entry!
September 25, 2009
I Wonder What *THUD* Translates to in Arabic?

Ever wonder how those translators manage to hang on through hours and hours of translating a bloviating blowhard at the UN? Well, turns out, they don't. I guess after awhile even the absurdity of it all wears thin.

Posted by scott at 06:56 PM eMail this entry!
Bloody Peasants...

Mark gets a no-prize that hangs on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society for bringing us an example of the only way I'd end up in a May Day parade. I like the guy who starts marching backward the best.

Posted by scott at 07:01 AM eMail this entry!
September 23, 2009
Now That's Just Tacky

Like the old video store rental records with an arms-length list of the porn you rent, a record of what people actually search for reveals us for what we are, not what we tell people we want to be.

Posted by scott at 07:15 PM eMail this entry!
September 22, 2009
What a Tough Job

File this one under nice work, if you can get it: helping a video starlet adjust her outfit on the latest shoot. No, really, things were just out of place! Oh, don't worry, completely SFW.

Posted by scott at 07:49 PM eMail this entry!
September 21, 2009
Smells Like Middle Aged Desperation

Before Match.com, before chat rooms, before the internet itself, there was video dating. And it was good. Well, good, in a "really ridiculous hair styles and ugly sweaters" sort of way. Is it just me, or does the viking come off as the most sincere?

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 08:31 PM eMail this entry!
I Guess They Found the Trumpet Players

Oh noes! The end of the world is... today!!! Well, there goes the rest of my week...

Posted by scott at 11:48 AM eMail this entry!
September 19, 2009
The Nerdiness is Strong with This One

Bobby gets a no-prize with way too much time on its hands for bringing us the 1000 & 2nd use for one of those 3D printer things. Why people waste their time with goofy Star Wars memorabilia when they could be doing something useful like reproducing parts for obscure old Italian sedans I never will understand...

Posted by scott at 07:31 PM eMail this entry!
September 18, 2009
Just Brilliant!

Mark gets a magnificently tacky no-prize for bringing us the people of Wal-Mart. Finally a real use for a cell-phone camera! All this time I thought the selection of weirdos at the local Shoppers was colorful. I had no idea.

Posted by scott at 04:21 PM eMail this entry!
But Wait! There's More!

What? Doesn't everyone want to stick a naked infant in a net and hang it out the window? Just because they make a nifty picture does not mean they make life easier.

Posted by scott at 06:49 AM eMail this entry!
September 17, 2009
Bah. In MY Day...

I guess "inappropriate" is in the eye of the beholder. Are some of these toys weird? Yes. Are they tacky? Yes. Are they from cultures different from ours? Yes. When I was a kid, parents got lists of toys that would kill you. Good times, good times...

Posted by scott at 05:56 PM eMail this entry!
September 16, 2009
Before n' After

Turns out that, no matter how glamorous an adult may be, when they're teenagers, they're just as dorky as you and me. Well, except for Ryan Seacrest, who was downright unrecognizable.

Posted by scott at 06:42 AM eMail this entry!
September 15, 2009
I. Love. This. SHOW!!!

Posted by scott at 09:03 PM eMail this entry!
September 14, 2009
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH

Ok, it took me a little bit to get it, but I'm sure you'll figure it out a lot faster.

Posted by scott at 06:45 AM eMail this entry!
September 12, 2009
And Now For A Funny...

19 ways of being creative with handwritten signs.

Posted by Ellen at 05:26 PM eMail this entry!
September 11, 2009
Talk About Your Delusions of Grandeur

Four words: Animals with Light sabers. Ellen will be deeply disappointed there aren't any parrots. But there are cats aplenty!

Posted by scott at 06:10 PM eMail this entry!
September 10, 2009
They Call This a Mystery?

Jeff gets a no-prize that belong to us for bringing us the "story" behind the latest custom Google logo. Alternate title: when numerology attacks!

Posted by scott at 03:35 PM eMail this entry!
September 09, 2009
That's Definitely not How I Remember it Going

Quick, before they correct it, check out the plot summary. It would've been a much better movie if they'd made it that way.

Posted by scott at 09:38 PM eMail this entry!
September 06, 2009
OKayyyy...

Meh. It's your body, do what you want with it. I just reserve the right to laugh at the results. No nekkid people in the pictures, but a few of the tattoos are not something you'd want someone to see over your shoulder at work. But hey, it's Sunday, knock yourself out!

Posted by scott at 07:54 AM eMail this entry!
September 01, 2009
Ah, to be Young Again

For a long time caffeinated drinks didn't do much for me. Then a few years ago something in my body chemistry changed and they started doing a LOT for me. Then the ol' bod changed again and I started to get frightening, but turns out otherwise harmless, heart palpitations. So I'll just have to admire this guy's experiment from afar. I seem to recall college friend Bobby tried things like this for the f- of it back in the day. Nowadays, maybe not so much.

Posted by scott at 01:40 PM eMail this entry!
August 31, 2009
~ Said it Once Before but it Bears Repeating ~

This one's for NASA-employed friend Kevin: "India loses contact with an unmanned spacecraft conducting its first moon mission. Support techs ask Mission Control to confirm that the spacecraft is turned on and that it is currently plugged in"

From Fark's weekly "best of" thread.

Posted by scott at 04:06 PM eMail this entry!
Uh.. I've Never Seen Bakers Like This... Ever.

Posted by Ellen at 07:51 AM eMail this entry!
August 28, 2009
~ Still Crazy, After all These Years ~
Posted by scott at 01:31 PM eMail this entry!
August 26, 2009
I Drank What?!?

Finally, a consumer's union that reviews things we need to find out about. You know, like how good various kinds of cheap booze are. I'm way too old for that sort of foolishness nowadays. Come to think of it, I was way too old back in the day. Some of my old college buddies, maybe not so much.

Posted by scott at 06:33 AM eMail this entry!
August 24, 2009
Geek Critique

I think I can honestly say I had this conversation with just about all my college buddies at one time or another. That, and just what it was that made a thermal detonator, well, tick. Oh don't worry, we all eventually got lives. Of a sort.

Posted by scott at 06:54 PM eMail this entry!
August 21, 2009
How Joshua Missed This I Never will Know

"AMCG," we hear you ask, "that wonderful preacher with the tent came by my town and ensured I was ready for The Rapture. My soul is clean with minty freshness, and his ability to guide us through judgment is ensured by my large donation. We've known Fluffy the Cat was going to hell since she crapped in my new shoes. But what about Skipper? He's such a sweet dog!"

Fear not, friendly fundie, AMCG is here to help! Presenting Eternal Earthbound Pets, a service which promises to, for a modest fee, provide an atheist to care for your pet once you have been taken up to your ultimate reward. Act now! The spelled-in-reverse bone-gnawing deity you save could be your own!

Posted by scott at 06:40 AM eMail this entry!
August 19, 2009
Just for Fun... FAIL!
Posted by Ellen at 01:24 PM eMail this entry!
Ok, 51 Really Stings

The new Beloit College Mindset List, which details things incoming freshmen have "never" and "always" known, has been revised again. #64 took me a few seconds to get my head around, since I've bought a CD in a cardboard case in the past year. Then I remembered what they really once were like.

Posted by scott at 06:41 AM eMail this entry!
A Group Ride, for the Rest of Us

Leave it to the Germans to combine fitness with its opposite. If any of us who regularly do a group ride on the weekend had one of these, I think it'd be a whole lot easier to get extra people to come out, eh?

Posted by scott at 06:32 AM eMail this entry!
August 18, 2009
Can I Get a, "DUH?!?" From the Audience?

"Ric Romero here, reporting live from Britain. Scientists have detected a link between UFO sightings and UFO depictions in the popular media." What I think is interesting is how similar stories of mysterious flying objects were reported in the 19th century, except there the craft were depicted as giant boat-like machines attached to balloons. There's definitely something going on, but I think it has more to do with the space between our ears than it does the space above our heads.

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” -- Calvin.

Posted by scott at 03:34 PM eMail this entry!
I'm Sure This Will End Well
Posted by scott at 06:40 AM eMail this entry!
August 17, 2009
I Guess There's a List for Everything

Normally Cracked's various lists are, to me anyway, a little lame, but this "5 creepiest sex scenes in comics" was fun anyway, because I remember reading the issue which held their #2 (as it were) entry. I don't recall being disturbed by it, I just thought it was kinda weird. Being, as I recall, 13, I was much more interested in the improbable proportions of the tightly costumed super-ladies. The stories were just excuses to get them to move around.

Dude. I was 13, in a small Arkansas town, before internet pr0n. Of course I was desperate!

Posted by scott at 11:46 AM eMail this entry!
August 13, 2009
Maybe Downhill, in a Hurricane

Speaking of delusions of grandeur:

1972 Alfa Romeo Spider, in fair shape [...] runs great and with this engine the top end is over 200 mph!

The mind boggles...

Posted by scott at 07:38 PM eMail this entry!
August 09, 2009
Amy G

Fun with kazoos!

Posted by Ellen at 07:51 PM eMail this entry!
August 07, 2009
Amber? Is That You? II

There's camping, and then there's camping. Driving tourism dollars to a small North West town is all well and good, but did it have to involve sparkly vampires?!?

Posted by scott at 07:18 PM eMail this entry!
August 04, 2009
When Librarians Attack

Well, maybe not attack, but certainly march. Annie gets a no-prize that's entertaining but no threat to DCI for bringing us proof that even the lady who shushes you has a sense of humor.

Posted by scott at 11:45 AM eMail this entry!
August 01, 2009
Morrr... Rythmmm...

He... He... he sees white people!!!

I'm not completely sure what the point is, other than it's funny. And it'll likely offend a few of the folks on the left side of the peanut gallery. If it does, my work will be complete.

Posted by scott at 09:47 PM eMail this entry!
July 31, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on.
Knight, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: "You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong."
Knight turned the machine off and on.
The machine worked.

Maybe Ellen will get it this time...

Posted by scott at 11:52 AM eMail this entry!
And This is Bad BeeeCUZZZ?

Two words: dissolving bikini. Of course, this is predicated on someone who SHOULD wear a bikini, instead of someone who WANTS to wear one. The former is, after all, only a subset of the latter.

Posted by scott at 06:36 AM eMail this entry!
July 30, 2009
This Pretty Much Explains Me, and Every Other Guy I Know

Both of The Grammas are sighing and shaking their heads.

Posted by scott at 07:54 PM eMail this entry!
Musical Interlude

Bonus: a demonstration of a record changer!

Posted by scott at 04:01 PM eMail this entry!
And Now, Your Moment of Zen

Next up, Women with flower pots on their heads. No, really! Don't worry, all will be made right just two picture-clicks to the, well, right.

Oink Oink Oink.

Posted by scott at 02:45 PM eMail this entry!
Well, No Damned Wonder He's so Hard to Find

Having driven around our nation's capital many times, I can think of no other, better, place for our current boogey-man to reside. I guess he road-trips down to Bailey's when he needs to go to Home Depot, eh?

Posted by scott at 12:45 PM eMail this entry!
Well that's... Unfortunate...

As noted on Fark, some articles just can't be improved. You'd think someone would've explained it to them before they went to press. Either that or there's a headline writer in a lot of trouble this morning.

Posted by scott at 07:07 AM eMail this entry!
July 29, 2009
Ok, that's Just Silly

All right, who let Beavis and Butthead play around with the molecular chemistry gear? Or is this absolute proof God exists, and has a sense of humor? Perhaps God is Beavis and Butthead? The mind boggles...

Posted by scott at 01:16 PM eMail this entry!
WHEEE!

Today's, "vehicle goes swimming incident" is brought to you by Aloha (no, really) Oregon. One look at the truck makes me think they'll need to drain the water twice to get that pool clean.

Posted by scott at 06:51 AM eMail this entry!
July 28, 2009
bOOOOOObz!!!

For Ron.

Posted by Ellen at 07:10 AM eMail this entry!
Storm Surge

What happens when you combine Hawaii-sized surf with New Jersey-skilled surfers? Well, you get this. Wide World of Sports, they ain't.

Posted by scott at 06:50 AM eMail this entry!
July 24, 2009
Talk Talk

Oh, I know, I know, he'll lose 90% of you the second he says anything nice about Bush. But it takes about 40% of the program before that happens, and in the meantime you can thrill, as did I, to someone quite calmly saying in public that Obama is full of crap. I mean, really, it has been so very long since I've seen anything remotely critical of our current president it literally took my breath away to see it on what looks just enough like a TV to count.

Why, thank you for this sign. But you see, I'm afraid you've made a mistake, my name isn't, "Mr. N. Eeds Togetoutmore." Not even close.

Posted by scott at 03:07 PM eMail this entry!
That Didn't Work Out So Well

Leave it to Fark to dredge up what Ebony magazine thought, in 1985, what Micheal Jackson would look like in 2000. The headline used there was quite appropriate: "1985 Ebony Magazine prediction of what Michael Jackson would look like in the year 2000. Billy Dee Williams stands up in protest and kills a Colt 45".

Posted by scott at 06:49 AM eMail this entry!
July 23, 2009
Look! Look! He's Got a Spider in the Garage!

I swear. I swear. The very first thing I noticed about this particular ad was the Spider in the garage. My story. Sticking to it.

And that garage? Oh, that garage...

reallywantraccoonpd7yx3.jpg
Posted by scott at 07:28 PM eMail this entry!
July 21, 2009
Moon Landing, Back to the Future

Personally, I think the twitter posts were the best.

Posted by scott at 04:07 PM eMail this entry!
When Quirky Germans Attack

The British are famous for their love of the garden variety eccentric. The Germans, being who they are, won't be happy unless their eccentrics are doing something complicated, with a lot of engineering involved. With pictures!

Posted by scott at 12:25 PM eMail this entry!
July 17, 2009
You've Gotta be Kidding Me

Guess what the second choice you get on a Google search for, "tell me something silly" is.

Wrong. (SFW!)

Because my brain is smoking from implementing my very first honest-to-god state machine, and this particular system has 22 different states. And counting. That's why.

Posted by scott at 01:21 PM eMail this entry!
July 16, 2009
An Encylopedia, for the Rest of Us

Sure it's a one-gag joke, but it's a funny one gag joke. Especially if you're one of our friends, to whom a wookie tag has been stuck firmly.

Posted by scott at 02:59 PM eMail this entry!
July 15, 2009
I Think it's Cos of the Waffles

So, since there are no nearby Waffle House restaurants (Waffle Houses?), I guess we won't get our fair share of weirdness? Meh. This is N. Virginia. You know, the place where you can have a North, South, East, and West version of a street all meeting at a corner? We got our weirdness built-in.

Posted by scott at 01:07 PM eMail this entry!
Coming to a Vegas Casino Near You

Just when you thought you'd seen it all, now they've discovered Michael Jackson's face in a branch stump. As in "sawed a branch off the tree" stump. I do hereby proclaim that media's period of exploiting mourning the King of Pop to be over. Either that, or it's all jumped the shark. Probably both.

Posted by scott at 06:50 AM eMail this entry!
July 13, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

ATT00062.jpg

Mark gets an accessorized no-prize for bringing us this ultimate demonstration of coolness.

Posted by scott at 08:31 AM eMail this entry!
July 12, 2009
And That, Friends, is How Amber Became a Widow

Posted by scott at 02:19 PM eMail this entry!
July 11, 2009
Now That's a Prank

The concept is almost certainly Japanese, but the execution? The execution is almost certainly European. NSFW! Want to see my wife's reaction? Fast forward to the 48 second mark.

Posted by scott at 05:27 PM eMail this entry!
My Wife, Let Me Show You Her...

Cute chick trying to be polite: check.

Self-same chick doing their level best to P-R-O-V-I-D-E the answer: check

Watching someone who desperately wants to make fun of the idiot and can't quite stop themselves: Check

Really, this is what Ellen deals with on a daily basis.

Posted by scott at 05:18 PM eMail this entry!
Clitter!

Posted by Ellen at 04:54 PM eMail this entry!
Car of the Future

J. Pena gets a union-endorsed no-prize for bringing us this literal "shape of things to come."

Actually, I'll be surprised if cars are even this much fun after the greens and the progressives that infest the current Congress are through with them. Meh, what do I care? The newest car I own is nearly ten years old.

Posted by scott at 07:45 AM eMail this entry!
July 09, 2009
Well there You Go Then

Not a single Alfa in the bunch!

What's that?

You say Alfa didn't import enough to even register on the meter?

Philistine.

Posted by scott at 10:09 PM eMail this entry!
July 06, 2009
Moms Who Drink and Swear

I really did not believe this site exist, but it does!

Hello bitches. Welcome to reality. Real moms get frustrated and say things that they regret. Real moms often have no time to shower, rarely get to take a dump alone and need other real moms to lean on. No judgement here, just over the top stories, rants and good drink ideas.

Moms who drink and swear is about reality. There are days when I see some mom all dolled up in the grocery store and I just want to ask her how the hell she pulls it off. I'm usually in my pajamas dragging my whining kids along, yelling , "I SAID NO ! "over and over. I have survived motherhood for the past nine years by leaning on the real moms who convinced me that having a kid (or two) was a good idea. You were right!

This is not a site for the humorless or serious type mom.

Just awesome... LOL!

Posted by Ellen at 06:21 AM eMail this entry!
July 03, 2009
What... the... F---?!?

Neither one of us has any idea what, exactly, to make of this.

Except that, you know, he's a bad dog, and stuff...

Posted by scott at 09:42 PM eMail this entry!
Dude. Wait, What? (BOING!!!)

Lisa R. gets the coveted Jeff Spicoli no-prize for bringing us news of a rather surprising discovery about who, exactly, is making crop circles "down undah." Beats eating Vegemite!

Posted by scott at 12:34 PM eMail this entry!
July 02, 2009
Well This Explains Everything

I'd already decided to wait for the next Transformers movie to come out on video just because it's polling 25% on Rotten. This Transformers "FAQ" just seals the deal. Oh, and Ellen had been calling them "the racist twins" for weeks.

Posted by scott at 06:36 AM eMail this entry!
July 01, 2009
Don't Stop Me Now

Yeah, it's dumb, but it's the very first not-quite-official-maybe advertisement for US Alfa Romeos! And the car's pretty neat looking too!

Posted by scott at 05:42 PM eMail this entry!
He Got Better

Jeff Goldblum, as you all will by now know, is dead. How can I be so sure? Just ask him!

The best part is all the footage from Today New Zealand.

Posted by scott at 06:53 AM eMail this entry!
June 30, 2009
Git 'er Done!

Presenting There, I Fixed It, a one-stop-shop for every ad-hoc fix ever imagined. Some are ingenious, most are tacky, and a few are downright terrifying. Suddenly that bailing wire fix we temporarily implemented on the Milano, well, it don't look so bad.

Posted by scott at 03:17 PM eMail this entry!
June 29, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

Liberal_Brain.jpg

Mean-spirited? Simplistic? Nasty? Moi?!?

Posted by scott at 03:23 PM eMail this entry!
June 26, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

Thing is, I absolutely remember this jingle, and I think I remember this ad. Gotta love those hats!

And I only wish I could've seen this one. Just because, you know, we don't have Carl's Jr.'s around here, eh?

Posted by scott at 10:45 AM eMail this entry!
June 25, 2009
Ok, I'm Pretty Sure that's Bad

It would seem getting a big boat in the water is a lot harder than it looks. Failing to do it right would seem to have much worse consequences as well.

Posted by scott at 12:41 PM eMail this entry!
June 23, 2009
Just Say No

I have no real idea what to make of this, other than it took me getting about half way down the list to realize it the author was a dude and not a chick. No pictures of dudes anywhere, seems like an honest mistake. Made it less interesting, but only a little. I never did subscribe to the shotgun method of dating.

I recognize a few of the other bits on the site, so this is all probably old news to everyone else. Still, since I'd never heard of it before nobody really important had ever heard of it, so there ya go.

Posted by scott at 04:19 PM eMail this entry!
June 22, 2009
Find that Phone!

I'm not sure which is sillier, the fact that the skinny white guy went to the ghetto to find his phone, or the fact that he treats his phone like a pet. Ellen doesn't treat hers like a pet. When she lost her phone, what I saw looked more like a junkie who just realized their best dealer had gone to jail forever. It was about as pretty as you'd expect that to be.

Posted by scott at 02:49 PM eMail this entry!
~ Keep Spendin' Most our Lives / Livin' in a Wanksta Paradise ~

You know it's just not possible for us to ignore a site called "wiggaz.com". Making fun of media-manufactured sub-culture that's unintentionally making fun of itself and another media manufactured sub-culture? Oh hell yes!

Posted by scott at 06:48 AM eMail this entry!
June 19, 2009
Truth in Labeling

Ya know, I think there may be something to this. Ron making a comment about how superior his poofta drinks are in 3... 2... 1...

Posted by scott at 06:32 AM eMail this entry!
Now That's a Party

Sometimes there's just no improving on the lede:

A man was arrested near Victoria, B.C., after police found him unconscious in the driver's seat of a car with a naked woman unconscious in the passenger seat.

But wait! There's more!

Saanich police Sgt. John Price said officers found marijuana, heroin, crystal meth and GHB inside the car.

Yee-haw!

Posted by scott at 06:24 AM eMail this entry!
June 17, 2009
Another Italian Car Moment

This is just so classic:

First the radio getting swiped now this. So I started it up yesterday and was letting it warm a bit before driving out of my garage and I absent-mindedly pushed in the lighter. What happened defied all logic and belief! All the idiot lights lit up momentarily, I think a warning chime sounded, the voltage gauge dropped to zero and the car shut right off, dead, no more idiot lights. I've checked every single fuse and relay and they all seem fine. The interior lights still work, headlights work, you turn the key and no idiot lights light up and it will crank but not fire...

I can't help but think a ground has gotten bodged up by the theft of his stereo, but that's just a guess. Sometimes having a simple car with a cheap radio is a good thing!

Posted by scott at 08:06 PM eMail this entry!
INK FAIL!
Posted by Ellen at 07:59 PM eMail this entry!
Shoo Fly!

No Prize to Christine for the link!

Posted by Ellen at 07:52 PM eMail this entry!
June 16, 2009
YO YO YO YO YO... BAWLLSTON IN DA HAYOUSE!!

I've been to each and every one of the locations of this video. I drive by most of them pretty much every day. They didn't quite catch my workplace in one scene, but they came close

Posted by scott at 08:00 PM eMail this entry!
June 15, 2009
My Wife, Let Me Show You Her...

It's even worse when she loses her phone. The shaking is what scares me the most.

Posted by scott at 06:40 PM eMail this entry!
When... Colorful People... Attack

Oh who cares... if they want to have a whole day dedicated to dressing up like aliens, let 'em. I just wish some of them would do a better job with the makeup.

Posted by scott at 11:37 AM eMail this entry!
June 12, 2009
Wait... There was a Car?

I'll bet your favorite car doesn't have trashy Eastern European dancers flouncing all over it! It's always a good sign when the dancer's eyes have that thousand-yard stare. The sad thing is there are a lot of guys out there who wouldn't care.

You know, like me.

Oink oink oink...

Posted by scott at 08:15 AM eMail this entry!
June 11, 2009
June 09, 2009
~ Questions, We Get Your Questions / We Get Your Questions Everyday ~

Personally, I find the question about the smoking vagina the most intriguing. I'm not completely sure why.

Posted by scott at 06:55 AM eMail this entry!
June 08, 2009
His name is What?

Ron gets a no-prize that'll make an engraver's day for bringing us this collection of married names that really shouldn't be hyphenated. Some of them are so incredible I have a hard time taking them seriously. Then again, a rose by any other name...

Posted by scott at 01:01 PM eMail this entry!
When the Past Attacks

That hangover may only last a day, but those pictures? Those pictures will last forever. The sad thing is that shots from the 80s now qualify as quaint and funny.

Posted by scott at 06:48 AM eMail this entry!
June 07, 2009
It Came... From... The 80s

There are no words for how awesome this is. When my daughter asks me what it was really like to grow up in the 80s, I'll just show her this. Then she'll really be confused.

Posted by scott at 06:55 PM eMail this entry!
It's BAAACK!!!

Get it while you can: Top Gear's Alfa Romeo Challenge is once again available.

SEE

Amazing race action!

SEE

Expert restoration artists bring these cars to a whole new level of character!

SEE

A kaopectate-green Milano compete in a concours with a Spider who's water pump consists of a barrel of water and a hand crank!

RUN, DO NOT WALK, TO YOUR NEAREST YOUTUBE-CAPABLE COMPUTER!

Posted by scott at 11:27 AM eMail this entry!
June 06, 2009
MY EYES!!!

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More here.

Posted by Ellen at 10:16 PM eMail this entry!
June 05, 2009
The Best Re-Do Evar!

Posted by Ellen at 08:19 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

The manuscript is for-real. Me, I think it's a concrete example of a time traveler's artifact, aging in reverse.

Posted by scott at 07:36 PM eMail this entry!
When Roommates Attack

Why I haven't thought to do this to Ellen, I don't know. Oh yeah, wait, I do know. Because I like breathing.

However, there was the time Ellen was downstairs breaking using my computer because she'd broken hers. Friend Mark had sent her one of those "shrieking surprise" e-mails with the note "be sure to turn it up and listen closely, it's really hard to hear the ghost in the background." Which she did, on my 600 watt 5.1 Klipsch speaker rig.

So imagine me sitting quietly upstairs, reading a magazine. Suddenly, all the furniture bounces 2" into the air, and the tail-end of a scream can be heard in the background. Surprisingly, Mark is still above ground. I, on the other hand, was in deep trouble because I should've known she was going to turn the volume up on that @#$%'ing lunatic speaker set of mine and how in the world does a normal person end up with something that can play sounds that loud and...

Ah, the bliss of married life.

Posted by scott at 10:07 AM eMail this entry!
June 04, 2009
Only in California

Those who claim Californians don't have a lick of sense have just been proven slightly wrong:

On May 21, a judge of the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California dismissed a complaint filed by a woman who said she had purchased "Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries" because she believed "crunchberries" were real fruit. The plaintiff, Janine Sugawara, alleged that she had only recently learned to her dismay that said "berries" were in fact simply brightly-colored cereal balls, and that although the product did contain some strawberry fruit concentrate, it was not otherwise redeemed by fruit. She sued, on behalf of herself and all similarly situated consumers who also apparently believed that there are fields somewhere in our land thronged by crunchberry bushes.

This sudden outbreak of common sense simply cannot last. Quick! Someone call the Octo-Mom!

Posted by scott at 06:59 AM eMail this entry!
June 03, 2009
Ouch!!!

I'm not sure what's funnier: the college kid getting bulls-eyed with a pan handle, the way his female colleague reacts, or the oh-so-serious caption text on the right. Regardless, there's plenty of chuckles to go around. If only there'd been sound. Explain this one to the OSHA guy.

Posted by scott at 01:48 PM eMail this entry!
Dance Like Nobody's Watching...

... and sometimes, just sometimes, the world may start dancing with you.

I'm rapidly reaching the age at which I could care less what the rest of the world thinks I look or act like. I'm not sure I'm this far gone yet. Probably take Olivia becoming a teenager before that happens.

Posted by scott at 07:23 AM eMail this entry!
June 02, 2009
That'd Be Just My Luck...

... a pet would find Ellen. Happens more than you think. I never will forget how, on our honeymoon, an entire resort's worth of stray cats found their way over to where she was sitting. And that was before they figured out she was their buffet waitress for the rest of the week.

Posted by scott at 07:30 PM eMail this entry!
June 01, 2009
Ikko Who?

Az recently had a bit of a surreal encounter:

So I tell my wife that IKKO just totally checked me out...and her response is unexpected to say the least. Somehow, this elates her. She immediately jumps on her cell phone to start informing her friends and family that her husband just caught IKKO's eye. ...And as an aside, how would you even react to that? You're sitting at home watching TV, and you get a text from your friend - "Hey, this famous cross-dresser just checked out my husband!" ...Um...OK? Would you care for a delicious Hot Pocket?

No, I didn't know who Ikko was either. Even after I watched the video I still don't know.

Posted by scott at 02:56 PM eMail this entry!
When Asses Attack

Making the rounds: It just ain't easy, being a humorless homophobe in Hollywood. They wanted a reaction, and they definitely got one. Meh, I don't feel too bad for him, considering he probably drove to his Malibu home in his Lamborghini.

Posted by scott at 11:31 AM eMail this entry!
May 29, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

There's a reason some bicyclists are fascinated with gear...

Posted by scott at 10:25 PM eMail this entry!
May 22, 2009
Weapon Fun

Cracked, in its own inimitable way, is featuring this look at "7 WTF Military weapons". Being an armchair student of all things various armies have attempted over, well, all of detectable history I suppose, I'm not at all surprised things like this got built. I'm actually rather surprised that any of them survived.

Posted by scott at 02:16 PM eMail this entry!
May 14, 2009
When Gypsies Attack

No, really, when gypsies attack:

A group of travellers wrecked a multi-million pound police helicopter which was being used to spy on their site.

The gang used axes to smash the £5million aircraft, after they leapt over a 4ft wall surrounding Surrey Police force’s helipad at Fairoaks airport, near Woking in Surrey.

Mickey O'Neil unavailable for comment...

Posted by scott at 02:14 PM eMail this entry!
May 13, 2009
When Photographers Attack

Me, I always thought the whole point of stilted family photographs was to make people look silly. That, and provide a straightforward gift for the relatives. People change, fashions change, why not chronicle it?

Posted by scott at 10:23 AM eMail this entry!
May 10, 2009
Meh. It'll Buff Out

Funny because nobody got hurt: big rocket turns into giant lawn dart. If one of your hobbies is not actively dangerous, you're not a Real Guy.

Posted by scott at 05:13 PM eMail this entry!
May 09, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

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Posted by scott at 01:25 PM eMail this entry!
May 08, 2009
How Many Ways Can We Embarass Him?

Posted by Ellen at 09:50 PM eMail this entry!
May 07, 2009
Appearances are Deceiving

So, can you pick the perp? Best I could do was exactly 1 in a row, and I gave up after about ten tries. Then again, I'm not known as the most perceptive person in the world. I'm sure you'll do better!

Posted by scott at 10:23 AM eMail this entry!
May 06, 2009
Bang-on Eggs

Mark gets a novelty no-prize for bringing us the perfect gift for the breakfast- and gun-lover in your life. Only problem I see is that it appears to be made out of hard metal, which is a big no-no when dealing with no-stick surfaces.

Posted by scott at 02:10 PM eMail this entry!
May 05, 2009
Now, Now, Be Nice...


Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

Hey... I'm only disappointed if it's accessible. I have a hard enough time with comprehension as it is.

Posted by scott at 02:59 PM eMail this entry!
May 04, 2009
Ah Geeze, not This S--- Again

Another day, another UK couple having a novelty wedding. Don't laugh, Suzanne. If Richie ever gets married you may end up wearing danishes on your head, too.

I kid! I kid!

Posted by scott at 05:41 PM eMail this entry!
April 30, 2009
Have at You!

Osprey: 1, Power company: 0. There's cooked fish, and then there's cooked fish.

I know there's a "Knights who say 'Nee!'" joke in there somewhere, I just couldn't tease it out.

Posted by scott at 11:33 AM eMail this entry!
April 29, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

bananabuttsecks.jpg

Posted by scott at 08:28 PM eMail this entry!
Darts, for the Rest of Us

Ok, that tears it. Top Gear has got it all over Motorweek Illustrated. Will this be what causes us to modernize our TV cable package? We'll see...

Posted by scott at 05:54 PM eMail this entry!
Remember, Thou Art Mortal

Another day, another REMF in a new presidential administration learns the hard way that there are important differences between themselves and king's ministers. "Because I say so, and keep it quiet" always bites them on the rear, eventually, even in an administration as popular as this one.

Bureaucracies being what they are, it's doubtful we'll ever know who was directly responsible for this mini-debacle.

Posted by scott at 03:14 PM eMail this entry!
April 28, 2009
Best. Headline. Evar

99% of the time, Fark headlines are amusing fluff, of no concern or memory. But sometimes, they're different: Obama secretly tested for swine flu after man he shook hands with in Mexico drops dead the next day. Officials concerned because Obama's touch usually heals.

To nobody's surprise, it was instantly scored as "Fascist" on their rate-o-meter.

Posted by scott at 10:10 AM eMail this entry!
April 27, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

pacerad800 copy.jpg

I have absolutely no idea what to make of this...

Posted by scott at 09:39 AM eMail this entry!
April 24, 2009
News You Can Use

This just in: Ferraris are faster than police cruisers. Later tonight, water's wetness: a natural fact, or a danger to our children's lives? After that, we'll explore the discovery of the sky being blue, and how it may threaten your family, your mortgage, even your entire way of life!

Posted by scott at 01:38 PM eMail this entry!
April 23, 2009
Helllooooo Nurse!

I knew Google's maps could be useful, but I had no idea it'd be this useful.

Oink Oink Oink...

Posted by scott at 04:07 PM eMail this entry!
LolWhut???

Well, why not dress up as Shrek and Fiona for your wedding? Their parents must be much more liberal-minded than ours are about such things.

3... 2... 1...

Posted by scott at 12:14 PM eMail this entry!
April 21, 2009
Lotsa Money!

Mark gets a candy bar no-prize for bringing us news that you too can be a trillionaire. Or, perhaps, you could. It would seem Zimbabwe has fiddled with its currency again, making trillion dollar notes worth about $10. At the rate their socialist paradise is going, that should delay the next trillion dollar issue for, what, six months or so?

Coming to an Obama administration near you!

Posted by scott at 09:17 AM eMail this entry!
April 17, 2009
Postmodern Titles

There's nothing quite like politically-correct leftism for bringing out the satire in someone. I especially liked this one: STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.

Posted by scott at 11:35 AM eMail this entry!
April 16, 2009
I Shall Call it, "Comrade Redneckski"

I'm not sure what's more fun, this (IMO) well-done art car based on an old Camaro, or the sniveling "you know, that won't work as an armored car because..." replies about it on Fark. All together now... NERDS!!!

Posted by scott at 03:36 PM eMail this entry!
April 13, 2009
Well, at Least They Won't be Accused of False Advertising

You'd think someone would notice that when a certain dress fell a certain way, well, it implied a certain thing. Yet another thing to put on my "stuff that will give dad gray hair" list.

Posted by scott at 01:28 PM eMail this entry!
April 07, 2009
Rocked to Death

Well, if nothing else, this retrospective on "then and now" metal bands of the 80s shows that women aren't the only ones who get a nip and tuck now and then. They have better surgeons than the chicks do!

Posted by scott at 08:29 PM eMail this entry!
Stop the Madness!

While bacon in a bottle sounds like a good idea, the photos don't look all that appetizing. Then again, neither does 90% of the other stuff out there that people insist is good even though it looks like 3 day-old roadkill. At least this stuff won't move on my plate or poison me.

Posted by scott at 02:00 PM eMail this entry!
April 06, 2009
Oh Dear...

Only men do this.Well, ugly chicks too.

It's a surprise. You have to click the link.

Sad thing is that some of you will think it's cool.

Posted by Ellen at 09:12 PM eMail this entry!
April 03, 2009
Mom? Is that You?

Be afraid. Be... slightly... afraid:

Eileen Bishop, [87], from Perranporth [UK], and her husband Anthony were on their way to church when, he said, she "disappeared off the radar".

Think of it as the OJ chase, but much slower.

Posted by scott at 06:06 PM eMail this entry!
You! Back! Back to the 80s!

There's toys, and then there's 80s toys. No that there's anything wrong with "The Oozinator."

Posted by scott at 10:52 AM eMail this entry!
April 02, 2009
When GPS Attacks

Mark gets a no-prize that'll lead him wrong for bringing us yet another story of a person following GPS to their not-quite doom. Now, there have been a few times that on-line directions have lead me astray, but that tended to be more "wrong place in town" than "wrong place on frozen tundra." You'd think that, after the turn down the dirt road, the lady would've figured something was wrong.

Posted by scott at 02:11 PM eMail this entry!
Okay, wich onea you'z da u-boat captain?

There's washing an expensive car, and then there's washing an expensive car.

The advantage to owning a car like the spider is it would just need to be hung out to dry for a few days, get all the fluids changed, new seats, and a new battery. It'd probably start right up after that. The advantages of vinyl upholstery!

Driving either of the other cars into a river? Nope, that's a totaling. A super-expensive brand-new Bently? Fuggedaboutit...

Posted by scott at 10:03 AM eMail this entry!
April 01, 2009
Only Bollywood...

Posted by Ellen at 06:25 PM eMail this entry!
Ain't that Just Like a Pirate...

... bringin' a speedboat to a milspec fight:

Seven Somali pirates chose the wrong target the other day: it was not the harmless oil-tanker they thought it was but the German navy's fuel tanker FGS Spessart, part of the European anti-piracy fleet Eunavfor sailing in the Gulf of Aden about 85 miles north of the Somali port of Bosaso.

This would seem to indicate that sting-like operations, where various tramp steamers are in fact stuffed with heavily armed soldiers, would be productive.

Posted by scott at 02:24 PM eMail this entry!
March 31, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

n510094810_1608763_4188557.jpg

You know, now that you mention it, I don't recall seeing Ron or Amber lately. Didn't they go hiking in Florida last week?

Posted by scott at 06:04 PM eMail this entry!
When Nerds Attack

What happens when you give a bunch of nerdy engineers access to powerful electrical equipment? Oh, pretty much what you'd expect:

As with most of their type, it takes forever for them to get to the point, but the result was enough to make me smile.

Posted by scott at 10:28 AM eMail this entry!
March 30, 2009
Gotta Clean 'em Somehow

So, is it a dairy barn, or a car wash? "Cow wash" seems more appropriate. When staying clean and happy are a key to production, modern farming can be quite humane indeed.

Posted by scott at 11:41 AM eMail this entry!
March 27, 2009
Speaking of Italian Stuff...

Your thought for the day:

Even the worst Italian town is prettier than anywhere in Germany. Take a stroll through somewhere nice, like Cremona, and you'll be greeted by fine wine, God's own architecture, and beautiful women who shave their armpits. You'll probably crash your car and the hotel's air-con won't work, but you'll love every minute.

Is there anything about that place that isn't beautiful, fun, and broken for stretches at a time?

Posted by scott at 02:23 PM eMail this entry!
Bye-Bye Marlin

Welcome to the world of little-girl raising. Olivia gets just as mad when we laugh at inappropriate moments.

All our fish are too big for the porcelain funeral procession... they end up out in the garden with all the other dead critters.

Posted by scott at 10:55 AM eMail this entry!
March 25, 2009
You Did What To It?!?

Nothing like a ridiculous car mod or two to brighten your morning, eh? Ron's characteristic "ahhuuah?" expression in 3... 2... 1...

Posted by scott at 10:35 AM eMail this entry!
March 24, 2009
I Has a Fashion

For what better purpose can a website be used, I must ask, than posting pictures of pets in wigs? Hey, can't be any worse than 90% of Facebook!

Posted by scott at 12:56 PM eMail this entry!
March 23, 2009
You Did What To It?

Ron gets a no-prize with some really... remarkable... welds for bringing us this collection of DIY car modifications. I do have one slight quibble, to wit: several of these cars are pretty obviously pure race vehicles of one sort or another, so placing things in ugly or weird spots is actually to be expected. That still doesn't forgive placing two turbochargers just below the rear seat upholstery.

Posted by scott at 01:43 PM eMail this entry!
March 21, 2009
Best. Mash-Up. Evar

CATURDAYTAPESTRY.jpg
Posted by scott at 06:08 PM eMail this entry!
March 20, 2009
A Beer Label, for the Rest of Us

New invention: Ink that changes color with temperature.

US reaction: Let's use it on beer labels so guys can see when it's cold.

Australian reaction: Let's use it on beer labels so guys can see a naked chick.

Aussie Aussie OI OI OI!

Posted by scott at 01:27 PM eMail this entry!
March 18, 2009
I Shall Call Them, "Mini Moo"

Nothing like a 2 foot-tall cow to brighten your day.

Ok, everyone all together now... no, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 08:51 PM eMail this entry!
March 17, 2009
That's not Very Nice

Mark gets a tacky no-prize for bringing us this "newly discovered" footage of the octo-mom giving birth. That doctor has a pretty mean swing, I tell ya...

Posted by scott at 12:37 PM eMail this entry!
March 14, 2009
BUWHAAHAHAH!!

birth-control-demotivational-poster.jpg
Posted by Ellen at 11:21 PM eMail this entry!
March 13, 2009
I C U!

I guess this slide-show of "highlights" of Google's Street View provide even more proof for the axiom: "If you take enough pictures, you'll eventually catch the strangest behavior." I wonder how much they pay the people to image places like South Central LA?

Posted by scott at 08:10 AM eMail this entry!
March 12, 2009
Gimmeh!

That would be Birds: 12, Beach-Goers: 0. I'm as impressed with the photographer as I am with the birds. Then again, if it happens often enough, anything is easy to catch on film.

Posted by scott at 01:29 PM eMail this entry!
March 10, 2009
Wait... There was a Reactor?

What better way to rehabilitate your industry than to have a "Miss Nuclear Reactor" contest? Did I mention the industry was the one that runs Russia's nuclear plants? Well, there, I did.

Posted by scott at 12:58 PM eMail this entry!
March 09, 2009
Well, When You Put it that Way

You have to zoom in a bit, but this pencil cartoon of a "simple history of WWII" made me giggle. Then again, I am easily amused.

Ok, that whole "faked shock" look? Yeah, wearing real thin nowadays.

Posted by scott at 02:52 PM eMail this entry!
March 06, 2009
Now That's a Party!

Ok, it's not the breaking into the bar, or stealing the booze, that puzzles me. It's the getting naked part that's just a wee strange.

Lisa R. gets a no-prize that really should stay covered up for bringing us yet another entertaining example of proof that the US has no corner on eccentric criminals.

Posted by scott at 11:53 AM eMail this entry!
March 05, 2009
Danged Chicks...

Really, honey, I was just trying to take pictures of the cars! They even ruined the picture of the Alfa!

The trick, of course, would be sticking to that story in the face of a small angry Italian wielding a large, heavy frying pan. Teflon here I come!

Posted by scott at 01:08 PM eMail this entry!
March 03, 2009
Challenge Away!!!

Never... NEVER let it be said I do not have a sense of humor about my automotive obsession. If I did not have the ability to laugh at the cross-and-serpent's foibles and flaws, I ask you, would I have found the Top Gear Alfa Romeo Challenge such a scream?

The premise? Take a marque absolutely notorious for rewarding a kind, attentive hand both at the tiller and at the wrench, and pick three off the bottom of the heap. It gets better! Put these three rickety basket cases in the charge of a trio of bumper-car rejects. The result? Well, dear reader, the result was enough to quite handily separate those Alfisti who love their cars warts and all, and those who had rose-colored glasses tightly riveted to their temples. I'm surprised the three principles didn't require bodyguards at the end.

Still, their affection for the marque, especially Jeremy's, can't be hidden. And, really, the only cars you could get away with mistreating this way simply aren't as much fun to drive.

So, kick back, relax, and watch three yobs attempt to "prove" that Alfas that've never seen a kind pat on the hood in their life can still be absolutely thrilling to drive.

And you know what? They do.

And the Milano won!

Posted by scott at 08:49 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

An oldie, but a goodie:

"Heaven is where the police are British, the Chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell, on the other hand, is where the police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, and its all organised by the Italians"

Posted by scott at 03:09 PM eMail this entry!
Well, He's Better at it Than I Am

More funny videos from the "Heavy Movies" channel at Heavy.com

I actually thought this guy was lip-synching Weird Al, until the British accent started leaking through. Fast forward to the solo section... he's not that bad.

Posted by scott at 09:59 AM eMail this entry!
March 01, 2009
February 28, 2009
Well, This Should Shut You all Up...

I need help? I need help?!? I don't need help... this guy needs help. Even I have to draw the line somewhere, and having a coffee table that leaks oil on my floor is somewhere on the far side of it.

Still, that wall decoration wouldn't look any worse than what Ellen has up. Probably improve it. Hmm...

Posted by scott at 02:56 PM eMail this entry!
February 27, 2009
Your BEMs are Here

Looking for ET? AMCGLTD is here to help! I'm not surprised the area off San Diego is a "hotspot." I am a little puzzled why Chicago should have so many damned sightings. Maybe ET likes deep-dish?

Posted by scott at 02:59 PM eMail this entry!
Wha'd I Do?

Little octopus: 1, aquarium staff: 0:

Staff at the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium in California say the trickster who flooded their offices with sea water was armed. Eight-armed, to be exact.

Damned clever, yer garden variety octopus. No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 11:43 AM eMail this entry!
February 26, 2009
A T-Shirt, for the Rest of Us

free tibet.jpg

Posted by scott at 01:09 PM eMail this entry!
You... You Think You Have Problems

Nothing like finding out your girlfriend of 7 years has been a prostitute all this time to start the day. Since it is the 21st century, they do of course have children.

Posted by scott at 11:37 AM eMail this entry!
February 24, 2009
Gotta Start Somewhere

Mark gets a pink triangle no-prize for bringing us clips from some new reality show called, "Gay Army". The DI is speaking English, and I think the recruits are speaking German, so I don't know what network this is going out on. It's definitely going on my Tivo search. I don't know how legit it is, but it looks pretty funny.

It was my understanding all German males were conscripted from 18-21? Of course, that was 20 years ago, maybe the rules have changed...

Posted by scott at 08:47 AM eMail this entry!
February 23, 2009
And, of Course, Thou Shalt Laugh

Ron gets a no-prize with some ears on it for bringing us an editorial cartoon sure to cause frowns on the left side of the peanut gallery.

Actually, I think I'm seeing the very slightest of cracks in the popular media monolith. Then again, that whole, "of course we were biased! We weren't reporting the news, we were telling a great story!!!" meme soured me so badly on the MSM I've been reduced to getting my news from Fark and Instapundit. Wtf do I know?

Posted by scott at 02:59 PM eMail this entry!
Thankfully, "Get Off My Lawn" Promises to be Eternal

As with seemingly everything else they touch, boomers have turned the eternal fact that grandchildren sometimes have trouble understanding their grandparents into something self-centered and banal. It's not the words Olivia will have trouble with, it's the accent.

Posted by scott at 11:37 AM eMail this entry!
February 18, 2009
When File Footage Attacks

What? Who cares if it's wrong? Does it fly? Go zoom-zoom? Looks weird? Run it, damn you, nobody'll notice

Just hang on to the 30 second mark, and then, well, hang on.

Via Ares.

Posted by scott at 01:42 PM eMail this entry!
February 17, 2009
A List, for Someone

An Ohio website is helpfully providing advice on just what is and is not acceptable in the "personal license plate" realm. Ohio resident Ron, who gets endearingly literal when he gets an answer he doesn't like, should find the list of 1574 examples of bad resident! No biscuit! examples quite useful.

Virginia's custom plate law makes it pretty darned cheap to get one, so they're all over the place. They fussed at us when Ellen claimed "8bit me", but eventually, without explanation, gave in.

Posted by scott at 11:38 AM eMail this entry!
February 16, 2009
AKA, "The Law of Unintended Consequences"

Today's graphic demonstration of "people who want to be seen naked are usually people who shouldn't be seen naked" is brought to you by Budweiser. Sort of. Viral video FTW!

Posted by scott at 03:25 PM eMail this entry!
February 10, 2009
But Does His Mother Know?

Mark gets a glittery no-prize with bell bottoms on for bringing us rumors that the real ruler of Russia is a closet Abba fan. Because we all know how reliable a cover band looking for some free publicity is, eh?

Posted by scott at 09:32 AM eMail this entry!
February 09, 2009
Best. Headline. Evar.

25 year old blind Oregon woman enjoys skydiving, says she knows when to pull the ripcord because the dog's leash goes slack.

From Fark, natch, linking up to this story.

Posted by scott at 12:11 PM eMail this entry!
February 06, 2009
An Alarm Clock, for the Rest of Us

Now, there are practical issues galore, but personally I think an alarm clock that uses bacon for the wake up call is just a brilliant idea. Nothing like a little sizzle to get you started in the morning!

Posted by scott at 01:22 PM eMail this entry!
February 04, 2009
~ Too Much Time on Her Hands ~

Well, if Ellen won't link them up I will...

The things one does for entertainment...

Posted by scott at 11:17 AM eMail this entry!
February 03, 2009
Dude... Wait... Dude...

It'll be a lot worse when the painkillers wear off, kid. Drugs have come a long way since I had teeth pulled when I was that age, that's for sure.

And yes, Ellen, this is exactly how you acted on the way home from your wisdom teeth surgery.

Posted by scott at 03:58 PM eMail this entry!
Mmm... Bacon...

Personally, I don't get the appeal of chocolate-covered bacon. Then again, I seem to be getting more food-sensitive lately. Why, just last night I made Ellen turn off her Weird Foods episode when the guy sawed an ear off a roast suckling pig, took a bite, then complained that it wasn't too bad but he wasn't very fond of the taste of the waxy build-up around the inside of the...

Gah... makes me green just thinking about it...

And, sorry folks, I'm not making that up.

Posted by scott at 01:56 PM eMail this entry!
Aaag!!! My Eyes!!!

Mark gets the famous fig-leaf no-prize for bringing us news that Switzerland is having trouble with nekkid Germans hiking all over the countryside. You'd think that, after awhile at least, those backpack straps would start to chafe.

Posted by scott at 10:57 AM eMail this entry!
January 30, 2009
Yeah, that's Pretty Close


Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Olivia's seen the first one several times, but the other two only once. I'm not sure she'd do a whole lot better. Of course, she's only five.

Interestingly, this tracks pretty well with other accounts from people who've heard about really famous events, but never actually sat down with someone and discussed them from end-to-end. The Koran's account of Jesus springs to mind.

No, no... I've already got a nerd sign to go around my neck too. Gee, aren't you being awfully helpful today?

Posted by scott at 03:40 PM eMail this entry!
January 29, 2009
... and That's Why God Invented the Internet

Mark gets a no-prize in a plain paper bag for bringing us what I assume is another one of those independent viral commercials. Yes, kids, before the internet we had to walk up and buy porn at a newsstand just like it was Time magazine or something.

Posted by scott at 11:07 AM eMail this entry!
January 27, 2009
No, No. You Don't Understand. We Need You To Go Green

Something tells me we won't see famous Hollywood-types implementing this stuff any time soon. Well, except maybe this one:

One of the most pressing threats facing our environment is rising income in Africa, Asia, and Latin America. A generation ago these proud little dark people were happily frolicking in the rain forest, foraging for organic foods amid the wonders of nature. Today, corrupted by wealth, they are demanding environmentally hazardous consumer goods like cars and air conditioning and malaria medicine. You can do your part to stop this dangerous consumerism trend by supporting environmentally progressive leaders like Hugo Chavez and Robert Mugabe, and their programs for sustainable low-impact ecolabor camps.

Seems they've been doing that sort of thing since at least 1917.

Posted by scott at 10:43 AM eMail this entry!
January 26, 2009
And We Thought the Vampire Hunters were Bad

Personally, I can't keep the players straight without a program:

The ‘row’ concerns a small breakaway group of druids (known to some as COBDO West) who’ve requested the museum release the remains so they can rebury them where they came from. King Arthur and mainstream COBDO want the same thing — but are upset that COBDO West have taken matters into their own hands. ‘COBDO West are just a joke — three men and a dog, without even the dog,’ splutters King Arthur. ‘I’ve got thousands of members in my Arthurian War Band all round the world and loads more in the UK. I could field hundreds of activists at the drop of a hat. Bunch of idiots.’

Not for nothing is south-central England considered the California of the UK. Over here, God lifted the East Coast up and gave it a hard shake, causing all the loose marbles to roll down Cali way. It would seem he did the same to Britain, only there grabbing the north end before giving it a shake.

Posted by scott at 12:01 PM eMail this entry!
January 25, 2009
Bang Fail

The best part is, even though they totally trash these dudes and portray them as complete losers, these chicks still slept with them! Reminds me of a time long ago when friend Amber was trash-talking about (her) husband and friend Ron. He and I were both doing our nerdy, "you're-right-we're-wrong-we-suck" moping when suddenly out of my mouth jumped, "wait a goddamned minute... you married him!"

It was like she got hit between the eyes with a pole. When we've both been pushed out onto the porch of the rest home by our great grandchildren, it'll be a memory Ron and I will still chuckle over.

Posted by scott at 04:07 PM eMail this entry!
January 24, 2009
Your Thought for the Day

“Did you hear the one about how, after Barack Obama became president this week, he found out the economy was worse than he thought—so he had to lay off 17 journalists.” -- Bernard Goldberg.

Posted by scott at 09:34 AM eMail this entry!
January 23, 2009
Who Gives a f- who Gives a s-

Seems the American Idol producers are not above throwing in a ringer or two just to make things interesting. Considering the amount of money that sloshes out of this show, it wouldn't surprise me one bit if the person "exposing" this "travesty" is on the payroll to drum up more publicity.

Posted by scott at 01:56 PM eMail this entry!
January 22, 2009
I Think He Missed a Step

Remember, folks, wheels that pop off are only fun on toys. I've done something like this not once, but twice. The first time I forgot to tighten the lug nuts on a front wheel, which "did in" my original silver Spider back in 1996. $750 worth of frame damage = Great Parts Bin in the Sky. Best thing that ever happened to that rust bucket. I can only imagine the damage when all 4 come loose at once.

The second time was a back wheel on our present (much much nicer) Spider, back in 2004. Fortunately, all it did was rattle; it didn't come loose, and I have no idea why. On that day, when I got back and discovered what happened, God and I called it even, and we've stayed that way ever since.

And now I have helpers who always ask me if I've tightened the lug nuts BEFORE I drive away after a project.

Posted by scott at 03:31 PM eMail this entry!
Change is as Change Does

I told you the media are like a pack of fans that doesn't care which side wins. They're only rooting against the team with the ball.

The Obama administration is in for a rough first year.

Contradicting myself? Me? Listen up folks, one cannot contradict one's self when one is able the change the rules at any time. Learned that from my wife, I did.

And, of course, the mainstream media.

Posted by scott at 02:35 PM eMail this entry!
Wait... There was a Car?

At least this time you don't want to head for the eye bleach after seeing the "model". I'd say "some day we could do that with one of our cars," but I'm pretty sure Ellen plans on being buried with BOTH of hers, and (as noted previously) I'm not allowed to sell the Spider.

Hey, we should all have problems like that, eh?

Posted by scott at 12:23 PM eMail this entry!
January 21, 2009
Paging Bart and Lisa, White Courtesy Phone Please

I'm actually a little surprised it's taken this long for phony phone call pages to surface on the internet. Such things have been knocking around for ages, including the calls to Louis "Red" Deutsch which inspired the Simpsons. I've just never heard of them hitting something as big as an airport before.

Ron gets a no-prize that'll giggle inanely at the touch of a button for bringing us this very large scale example of the ultimate phone annoyance.

Posted by scott at 01:58 PM eMail this entry!
January 15, 2009
When Architects Attack

Little surprise that most of these architectural "horrors" are located in formerly communist countries. "Real and actual" socialism, like its less scary-sounding brothers liberalism and progressivism, always looks better on paper than it ever can in reality. Hope and change, people, hope and change!

Via Violins and Starships.

Posted by scott at 01:55 PM eMail this entry!
January 14, 2009
Your Thought for the Day
Posted by scott at 03:25 PM eMail this entry!
January 13, 2009
Those Droids Sure do Get Around

Looks like the Fx guys working the last Indiana Jones movie got a little bored at one point. Olivia was downright offended when she saw a tiny R2D2 model stuck to the side of the Close Encounters mothership model. "He'll fall off!" she kept saying.

Via Violins and Starships

Posted by scott at 03:52 PM eMail this entry!
January 11, 2009
Remind Me Again, Why I Want to Move to New York?

Posted by scott at 06:25 PM eMail this entry!
January 08, 2009
I No Can Brain Today

I haz teh dum.

There's nothing quite like the enthusiastic literalism of a happy Labrador retriever.

Posted by scott at 12:29 PM eMail this entry!
January 05, 2009
A Top 10 List, for the Rest of Us

Ron gets a no-prize with a hidden picture for bringing us the "top 10 cars and the type of women they attract". I guess you'd have to define "rare" to see if my Italian exotic qualifies, but I'm happy with what I got (in both senses).

Posted by scott at 09:22 AM eMail this entry!
January 03, 2009
When Names Attack

Something tells me this does not mean to them what it means to us. Either that, or gaydar is now a reality.

Rrm... not that there's anything wrong with that. I think.

Posted by scott at 10:24 AM eMail this entry!
Ape Fun

Yeah, this is pretty much how I react to cool toys too. And Mark, and Joshua, and Ron, and... well, and pretty much every other guy I know.

OOK!

Posted by scott at 10:20 AM eMail this entry!
I Can Haz Buddy?

The rest of us will laugh at the main picture of best friends owl and basset. Ellen, of course, will jump straight to conure and labrador. But you knew that already.

Posted by scott at 08:16 AM eMail this entry!
December 31, 2008
Picture Time

Personally, I like the very last one. But I'm weird that way. As if you needed reminding.

Posted by scott at 05:21 PM eMail this entry!
December 30, 2008
Now Suddenly it's Oranges?!?

20081229NYDeathJuice.jpg

Oh! I see... it's ZIONIST juice that's the problem. Thanks for clearing that up.

Posted by scott at 12:30 PM eMail this entry!
Quick! Someone Call Eye-Ex-Eye-Eye!!!
Posted by scott at 11:47 AM eMail this entry!
December 24, 2008
Personally, I Like "SH11TBX"

Another year, another set of goofy custom plates. How Richie missed out on the only NY state one on the list I'll never know.

Posted by scott at 12:25 PM eMail this entry!
December 23, 2008
Wow... They Really Are Like That

Never let it be said we're above giving a worn-out meme a few more thrashes: She just wanted it to snow!

I'd like to think Olivia will be more mature and confident than this when she's 18. However, I'll be more than happy to settle for a healthy, reasonably well-adjusted child who graduates college.

Posted by scott at 08:10 AM eMail this entry!
Speaking of Australia

Lisa R. gets a no-prize that's the wrong temperature for bringing us a particularly Aussie sort of Christmas carol. We had an Aussie working for us for a few years, I asked her if she ever got used to cold Christmases. She said it wasn't the Christmases that were so weird, rather it was instead New Years. The cold weather apparently significantly impeded the traditional "crawl-pubs-until-you-can't-move" parties that (according to her at least) dominated December 31st. I guess it's harder to enjoy drinking yourself stupid when you have to worry about passing out in a bush and freezing to death, eh?

Posted by scott at 07:55 AM eMail this entry!
December 17, 2008
So Do I Get Special Underwear?

Programmers of C#, Java, or just about any other language should find this worthy of a smile or two. I think the C# definition is amusing, and I think the Perl definition is absolutely dead-on.

Posted by scott at 03:20 PM eMail this entry!
That Word... I Don't Think it Means What You Think it Means

Just hang on until :41. I couldn't get much further. Judging by her accent, she's probably spent only a little more time in Pakistan than I have.

And the farthest East I've ever been is Jamaica.

Posted by scott at 10:51 AM eMail this entry!
Military Motivation

Mark gets a no-prize with extra firepower for bringing us this collection of a specific sort of motivational posters...

ATT00007.jpg

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Posted by scott at 09:57 AM eMail this entry!
December 16, 2008
Not All that Different from My House

The only real difference being Olivia doesn't have a baby she can thwack. And won't have one any time soon either!

Posted by scott at 11:50 AM eMail this entry!
The More You Know...

Mark gets a no-prize that's for the children, man!!! for bringing us Plaxico's first attempt to get out of trouble.

Posted by scott at 09:01 AM eMail this entry!
December 15, 2008
Paging The Blues Brothers, White Courtesy Phone Please

Go for the mall chase, stay for the beach assault. It's stunts like this which explain the love/hate relationship between the best automotive magazines and the industry; and why marques like Ferrari and Lamborghini force such journalists to find copies of their most exotic models on their own.

Posted by scott at 08:11 AM eMail this entry!
December 12, 2008
Meh, a Little Bondo, 'be Just Like New

I'll fess up, I did do crazy crap like tear down back country roads way too fast, but I did it in a '74 Plymouth Duster. "Too fast" was quite relative, in that sense, and I never did get in as much trouble as these two. I'm just about certain, at the very least, the exhaust is trashed as well as the body. Spinning out a front driver takes talent!

Posted by scott at 04:21 PM eMail this entry!
Girl's got Talent

Ron gets a no-prize that'll get him a punch from his wife for bringing us Sailor Moon Sings Bone Thugs. No, really!

And the only reason I watched it all the way through was the lady has the same name as my daughter. StickingToIt(My.Story);.

Posted by scott at 08:43 AM eMail this entry!
December 09, 2008
Shine On!

Annoyingly catchy, synth-driven pop song: check
Weird visuals that somehow still imply a plot is buried in there somewhere: check
Hot chicks: Check
Androgynous lead singer who's prettier than the hot chicks: check

I guess that makes it official: time travel must really be possible.

YOU! YES YOU!!! BACK TO THE 80s WHERE YOU CAME FROM!!!

Posted by scott at 11:59 AM eMail this entry!
December 08, 2008
And Just Where was This Five Years Ago?

Nina gets a no-prize Ellen will want to mount on our wall for bringing us news of a "Hello Kitty" - themed maternity ward. It's in Taiwan, which would be a challenge but no real impediment to everyone's favorite crazy-cat-lady-to-be.

Posted by scott at 01:37 PM eMail this entry!
December 07, 2008
~ One of These Things is Not Like the Others / One of These Things Just Isn't the Same ~

Ron gets a rather rude no-prize for bringing us this abject lesson in photography 101, rule 3. To wit: when taking a photograph, the photographer should always be mindful of what is in the background of the shot.

Several are NSFW, but hey, it's Sunday!

Posted by scott at 10:49 AM eMail this entry!
Beware! Beware!

Mark gets a no-prize that's wise beyond its years for bringing us this timely reminder of correct, and incorrect, Christmas gifts, and their consequences.

Actually, I think it's a kind of domestication milestone when the woman in your life really does want a big new super-vac instead of a bauble.

Oh, who am I kidding... it's not "instead of", it's "in addition to". Rawoooorrrr!!

Posted by scott at 09:26 AM eMail this entry!
December 04, 2008
Swear to God, that's Where I Found Them!

Something tells me the wife won't believe you just found 130,000 inflatable boobs on the beach, so we're here to provide proof. I've heard them called "flotation devices" before, but this is ridiculous.

Via Violins and Starships.

Posted by scott at 01:33 PM eMail this entry!
December 03, 2008
POOF!

Jeff gets a tacky but amusing no-prize for bringing us the ultimate demonstration of German engineering prowess.

Contrary to popular perception, the result would be largely the same were the perp driving an Alfa. His car would just be a lot prettier, and all the lights would flash on and off randomly for about five minutes after he pushed the button*.

----
* It's a Milano joke. Laugh.

Posted by scott at 01:28 PM eMail this entry!
November 29, 2008
That's Just not Very Nice

The hook is that the cup is full of water. That sound you're hearing is Ellen scribbling this idea down for use the next time it's slow at her clinic.

Posted by scott at 07:58 AM eMail this entry!
November 26, 2008
Ron? Is That You?

  • Identical make: check
  • Identical model: check
  • Identical color: probable
  • Identical year: probable
  • Weird fascination with 80s hip-hop: check
And to think I thought he'd never sell it.
Posted by scott at 02:54 PM eMail this entry!
Bop!!!

When playing with a puppy, it's often wise to keep an eye on the paws. Bah, that's nothing. You want pain? How about two quarter-ton cats using your sleepy backside as the chute of turn 3 of their psychotic race course at 3 am?

Posted by scott at 01:47 PM eMail this entry!
November 25, 2008
Just in Time for the Holidays!

Too bad bidding has ended. This would've made a great gift for that special someone in your life. The best part would be to hear, "but I don't have any blu-ray disks, why would I want this?"

Posted by scott at 01:24 PM eMail this entry!
The Llama Song
Posted by Ellen at 07:13 AM eMail this entry!
The Marmoset Song

Posted by Ellen at 07:06 AM eMail this entry!
November 20, 2008
Now That's Just Sad

Getting busted for being a dirty old man trying to paw teenagers is one thing. Having your stash of self-starring animal porn discovered during a search is quite something else.

Ron will be very happy, and not at all surprised, to learn this happened near Philadelphia.

Posted by scott at 12:03 PM eMail this entry!
What's She Late For? Can I call a Cab?

Ron gets a no-prize with unintended consequences for bringing us this clever ad. I'm not completely sure if the product is real, but the writing is funny enough.

Posted by scott at 08:44 AM eMail this entry!
November 19, 2008
Tasty!

Where's COPS when you need them?

A man caught near Nobbys Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 kmh car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.

But wait! There's more!

A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

The mind boggles.

Posted by scott at 08:49 AM eMail this entry!
November 17, 2008
Head.Explode(Candy);

Jeff gets a no-prize that'll dig a hole to China when it grows up for bringing us this live puppy cam. No, I didn't know what a Shiba Inu was either. Jeff thinks it's some sorta Chow breed.

Posted by scott at 02:31 PM eMail this entry!
And the Lure Float Goes, "Plork!"

Problem: the celebrity you're interviewing is deadly dull, and you really need something good for a headline.

Solution: Go fishing:

When asked about his perspective on social issues—gay marriage, abortion—Prince tapped his Bible and said, “God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough.’ ”

Props to the man for not shying away from saying what he thinks, and a big raspberry to whomever his publicist is for letting the interview spin out of control allowing him to do the same.

Posted by scott at 12:23 PM eMail this entry!
November 14, 2008
Είναι που επιθυμούν για την fjiords!

Making the rounds: a variant of Monty Python's "dead parrot" sketch has been knocking around for 1600 years. The ancients being less squeamish about such things, their version is more appropriately titled "the dead slave sketch."

Posted by scott at 04:21 PM eMail this entry!
*CRUNCH*

I don't know enough about FWD cars to tell just what the heck happened here. Taking a WAG, looks like something in his transmission broke and allowed him to engage 2 gears at once. At speed.

NSFW punk wannabe language at the end.

Posted by scott at 03:53 PM eMail this entry!
November 11, 2008
Scaring The Crap Out Of Myself

notappreciated2.jpg

My wonderful friend, Annie, scored a house in Leesburg, VA to live in. To her, history is a way of life, not just something you read about.

Me? I scared myself shitless in her house being left alone for 15 minutes to put makeup and a costume on. Especially when she banged on the window trying to get me to let her back in the house.

An aside: I'm sorry... if you need a 'skeleton key' to get in your house, especially if you are told the house is 'circa 1800', you automatically get a 'your house is haunted' prize.'

So tell me, do I have something to worry about? I did not feel bad "Ju ju" from the house, though I did have some serious discussions with the squirrels until Annie scared the crap out of me.

notapprecaiated1.jpg

Even better, being told the parking lot right next door is actually a graveyard. Me: "... uhm... gravestones?!?" Annie, in very jolly voice: "Oh they just took those and moved them across the street in the park. They're right next door, just moved them 20 feet. Left the graves where they were, put the parking lot over it, no idea why it hasn't all collapsed. Ha ha ha!" Was that a movie? I broke out in the "Thriller" dance trying to calm myself. What? Like you didn't know I was weird that way.

Ellen's rule of SpOoKiEness #7: living next to a theater that plays the Rocky Horror Picture Show monthly... gives you a 'maybe" for a sleep over.

Posted by Ellen at 09:12 PM eMail this entry!
November 10, 2008
What a Great Idea

See, thing is, even if you think your girlfriend is pretty, even if she is actually pretty in a "normal mortal female" sort of way, it won't much matter to the rest of the world if you're a terrible photographer and she's posing like one of those models you see on those tuner magazine covers.

Those cover girls get paid for a reason, mostly because they have plastic surgery bills the size of a college tuition payment. If yours doesn't, just don't. K?

Note: I only scanned the very first page of the thread, which was bikini-level SFW. I won't vouch for the rest until I get home, so be cautious.

Posted by scott at 01:13 PM eMail this entry!
November 08, 2008
Deny Everything

Sometimes they just write themselves: Will there be disclosure of UFO files under the Obama administration?

Well? Well?!?

Posted by scott at 04:54 PM eMail this entry!
November 06, 2008
More... Campaign...


Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

I swear I saw Joshua wandering around in the background of one or two of those shots.

Or maybe it was Brian?

Posted by scott at 03:43 PM eMail this entry!
Oh... My... God...

I'm not sure if this really is the worst music video ever made, but it has to be close. Looks like some Chicago don's daughter decided she wanted to break into the music business. I'm glad they got the alarm fixed first.

Posted by scott at 03:17 PM eMail this entry!
GetTheBall!GetTheBall!GetTheBall!

If only you could do this with kids! Exactly what it is in a tennis ball that inspires such absolute monomania in a dog I'll never know. I wonder if he's that enthusiastic with it when there's nobody around to watch?

Posted by scott at 12:09 PM eMail this entry!
November 04, 2008
This is Annie and her Sewing Machine!

Posted by Ellen at 09:33 PM eMail this entry!
We Won, So Take Off, You Hoser

What better way to memorialize a war most people forget about after high school than a pair of giant toy soldier statues in front of an apartment building?

Posted by scott at 03:19 PM eMail this entry!
November 03, 2008
I Bet the Germans Will Be Surprised to Hear This

Ron gets a warped and slightly puzzled no-prize for bringing us news that Belgium, in fact, does not exist. I'd heard the same thing said about Idaho for years, and then someone who claimed he was from there showed up. Can we really trust Joshua? I think not! Idaho is a hoax! Idaho is a hoax!

Why, thank you for this new coat. My, isn't it funny how the sleeves go 'round the back?

Posted by scott at 03:30 PM eMail this entry!
It's Got a Good Beat and You Can Dance to it

Of course, now I have that damned melody stuck in my head. The things I do for you people...

Posted by scott at 01:04 PM eMail this entry!
November 01, 2008
You're Doing it Wrong, Jeep Edition

Remember folks, trying to tow a car by its roof makes baby Jesus cry.

I think it's not as bad as it looks. As I recall, Jeeps are still body-on-frame vehicles, in which case all they probably did was rip the body off its mounts. Not good, but (maybe) not a total loss.

Ron gets a no-prize shaped like a tow hook for bringing us a brilliant Jeep FAIL.

Posted by scott at 03:36 PM eMail this entry!
October 30, 2008
Why You DO NOT Mess With The Chicks at Work

Yes, we did this to our poor doctor. This is what happens when you fall asleep during your lunch. We decorate you.

Posted by Ellen at 10:08 PM eMail this entry!
~ If You Don't Know Me By Now ~

Mark gets a no-prize that's romantic on its own terms for bringing us a beer commercial that understands us. Hee!

Posted by scott at 12:46 PM eMail this entry!
October 28, 2008
~ Rollin' Rollin' Rollin / Keep That Hummer Rollin ~'

The funny thing is, as I understand off-road traction at any rate, this thing probably wouldn't be all that bad in the country. Well, assuming wooden wheels can actually support something has heavy as an H3, that is. And gaining traction != a nice ride. I think the whole thing would probably shake apart driving across grooved pavement.

Posted by scott at 02:52 PM eMail this entry!
Traffic Time

Mark will get his no-prize just as soon as the driver gets off 66 for bringing us this insider's guide to touring DC. DC's traffic, that is, which is just about all you'll see if you're not careful and actually try to drive around here most days.

Posted by scott at 01:49 PM eMail this entry!
Paging The Hooters, White Courtesy Phone Please

Mike J. gets a no-prize with that distinctive profile for bringing us evidence that the Democratic party has been a known quantity for a very long time. It also shows how much Hollywood has changed, since that's probably the last time the Dems got a zinger thrown at them in a motion picture. Republicans, not so much; but you already knew that.

Posted by scott at 10:49 AM eMail this entry!
Just Let it Go, Man, Just Let it Go

Lisa R. gets a no-prize that's a funny blue color for bringing us an example of how not to travel by train:

A passenger on a French train had to be rescued by firemen after having his arm sucked down the on-board toilet.

Cell phones do a lot of things well, but swimming isn't one of them. That thing was DOA when it hit the water.

Posted by scott at 09:09 AM eMail this entry!
October 27, 2008
I Think I Better Dance Now

Annie gets a no-prize that'll look good in Hell for bringing us this picture of people goofing around in an art museum. I'm pretty sure I've seen it before, but I can't recall it being in a linkable format like this. Good morning, all!

Posted by scott at 08:54 AM eMail this entry!
October 24, 2008
Well isn't that... Festive...

Two words: dildo downpour.

Supporters of the Stockholm-based AIK ice hockey team scored an unusual hat trick of heckling on Tuesday night featuring dildos, profane banners, and a giant inflatable penis.

I was going to make a joke about "I went to a hockey game and a sex party broke out", but then I tried to picture what the average hockey fan might look like naked. Three showers later, I'm almost normal again!

Ron gets a no-prize that'll be an interesting conversation piece at his next get together for bringing us this most interesting of fan taunts.

Posted by scott at 05:05 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

hd.jpg

Mark gets the coveted Charlie Brown Halloween no-prize* for bringing us a light-hearted look at what we might all have to look forward to next holiday season!

Hopefully we're not violating a copyright here. I've linked to the guy's main page. If this suddenly disappears, well, there ya go.

----
* A rock.

Posted by scott at 08:42 AM eMail this entry!
October 21, 2008
Joseph and the Technicolor Eclipse

It takes a page or two, but trust me, this is the most ridiculous rice-up job you'll ever see. Even non-gearheads will appreciate the color... combinations? ...this guy comes up with for his car. Go for the hand file to the head treatment, stay for the spray painted foot pedals.

Posted by scott at 02:18 PM eMail this entry!
October 19, 2008
... Well... I Got Bettah...

Mark gets a no-prize that's only a model for bringing us this re-imagining of everyone's favorite medieval comedy. Must be a different version of the song... I could actually understand the lyrics this time around.

Posted by scott at 10:16 AM eMail this entry!
October 12, 2008
Adventures In A Car...

Posted by Ellen at 09:12 PM eMail this entry!
Why I Am Not Allowed A Real Video Cam

Actual guy on my bus.

Posted by Ellen at 08:14 PM eMail this entry!
October 11, 2008
BOOM!!! HEAD SHOT!
Posted by scott at 03:17 PM eMail this entry!
October 10, 2008
Hey Billy Bob, Watch This!

Texans + rocket powered scooter (no, really!) = well, this. Just when you thought a redneck couldn't get any dumber...

Posted by scott at 01:45 PM eMail this entry!
Down He Goes

Fans of Mythbusters should find this brief clip of Adam Savage at a hacker's convention of interest. I hope the two clips he shows from an upcoming episode actually make it into the broadcast. This is one of Olivia's favorite shows, in no small part because she thinks Carrie is a very neat lady.

Note: Clip is completely SFW, but the ads surrounding it are marginal (but not awful). I can't vouch for the rest of the site.

Posting from home rox!

Posted by scott at 10:52 AM eMail this entry!
October 07, 2008
Dude. Wait, What? XVI

Remember folks, you can't fool owls. Turn it off after the first repeat. Far as I can tell, it'll loop forever until you do.

Posted by scott at 08:47 AM eMail this entry!
October 06, 2008
Skunk Funny
Posted by Ellen at 09:52 PM eMail this entry!
When Teleprompters Attack

No, really, when teleprompters attack.

Ok, well, when teleprompters get snippy, how's that?

And yes, I know, they did a little "enhancing", but it's still nice to see that The Messiah does indeed flub lines every now and then.

Posted by scott at 05:49 PM eMail this entry!
No Harm, No Foul

Parking brakes: they're not just good for civilians. I want to know what he crashed into at the end.

Posted by scott at 02:00 PM eMail this entry!
October 02, 2008
Scoop of the Century

Jim Treacher scoops, well, the whole worldwith an advanced look at the questions due to be asked at tonight's VP debate. It's funny because it's true.

Oh, right, sorry. Fox news is the true enemy, the one really in the pocket of a political party, eh?

Posted by scott at 01:30 PM eMail this entry!
September 30, 2008
~ George. George. George of the Rednecks ~

Watch out for that tree!

Meh. Looks like he wasn't going fast enough to hurt anything.

Well, except maybe his pride.

Posted by scott at 03:17 PM eMail this entry!
I Guess that Makes a Hospital a "Bear Necessity"
Posted by scott at 08:57 AM eMail this entry!
September 29, 2008
Your Thought for the Day

congressmonkeysdy1.jpg

Yeah, actually, a lot like that, s'what I think. Then again, so is a discussion on Fark, whence I found this piquant illustration.

Well, at least the Redskins won!

Update: Seconded:

(2008-09-29) — Just minutes after the Bush administration’s $700 billion financial-sector takeover went down to defeat in the House today, Congressional Democrats introduced a bill that would mandate a 6:02 a.m. (EST) sunrise for Tuesday.

“The sun will come out tomorrow,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, “but only if Congress takes action now to eliminate uncertainty.”

Whee!!!

Posted by scott at 03:42 PM eMail this entry!
September 27, 2008
Your Thought for the Day

107nl86.jpg

That's probably gonna leave a mark. As far as I can tell, nobody was hurt.

Posted by scott at 07:57 AM eMail this entry!
September 25, 2008
Acid Dipped Saturdays

Having actually been a little kid in the 70s, I can say at least some of these kids shows weren't as surreal as the author of the article thinks they are. Then again, the internal state of a 7 year old is a pretty weird place to begin with, so who knows.

I'd forgotten all about Banana Split, and even now the memories are almost entirely made up of impressions rather than the more typical "internal movie projector" we all normally remember with. I can only remember that I watched it during summer time, when I was intensely bored, during some "Krusty the Clown" - type kids show. Other than that, nothing.

Posted by scott at 02:10 PM eMail this entry!
September 24, 2008
HitlerSaysWhat?

Mark gets an extremely silly no-prize for bringing us well, I'm not completely sure what the hell this is, but it made me laugh a bit.

Thank you for the "needs to get out more" sign, but I already have a hat that says that on.

Posted by scott at 10:39 AM eMail this entry!
September 23, 2008
This Is How I Entertained Myself In Atlanta

Posted by Ellen at 09:58 PM eMail this entry!
Hotel Blowdryers

Posted by Ellen at 09:15 PM eMail this entry!
September 21, 2008
Caveat Emptor

Ron gets a no-prize that's just wrong for bringing us how they really make that most perverted of Japanese vending machine products. I mean really, what did you expect?

Posted by scott at 08:08 AM eMail this entry!
September 19, 2008
My Friends, Let Me Show You Them

My friends:

Nerd me = new Nerd("Scott");
me.HoldingTool = new Hammer();
Nail n;
foreach (Thing t in Everything)
{
n = (Nail)t;
HoldingTool.Strike(n);
}

What?!? I haven't done pseudo-C# in, like, forever!!!

You want something else, go get your own site!

Posted by scott at 07:55 PM eMail this entry!
ExhaustPipeGoesWhere?!?

Mike P. gets a damned silly no-prize for reminding us of the cow methane study they're doing in Argentina. Science is seldom pretty, eh?

Posted by scott at 03:39 PM eMail this entry!
Silly Friday Fun

king.jpg

It made me "LOL". Found on a Fark (natch) thread comment to this article

September 16, 2008
Sneaky @#$%-ing Dog

Jeff gets a no-prize that should not be greeting him at the door when he gets home for bringing us an example of just how determined a bored beagle can be. That's probably more dangerous than it looks... I can definitely see about six different ways for doggie to get hurt pulling a stunt like this.

Posted by scott at 03:19 PM eMail this entry!
A Test, for the Rest of You

I'm actually surprised it's taken this long for Alfisti sellers to start seriously questioning their buyers. They are fine little machines, but they definitely take a specific sort of owner to get the best out of them.

Something tells me this holds true, with some variation, for just about any car worth having.

Posted by scott at 01:55 PM eMail this entry!
When the Stern Show Attacks

Go for Sal and Richard completely f'ing up a reporter's live feed, stay for the straight-laced description the anchor tries to put together at the end. I don't know how, but those two weirdos definitely managed to land some of the best jobs in the world.

Posted by scott at 10:28 AM eMail this entry!
September 13, 2008
The War Room

Mark gets a no-prize that'll rant impressively for bringing us yet another re-imaging of just what happened in a specific bunker at a specific time and a specific place.

I honestly don't know just what it is about that scene that allows it to be re-tread time and time again and yet never once lose its funny. This one definitely worked for me. Obamamaniacs... well, probably not as much.

Posted by scott at 11:51 AM eMail this entry!
September 11, 2008
I Guess He'd Get a "JWI"?

Athlete + "Vodak" + cell phone camera = teh funnay. It takes a little while to get to the good part, but it's worth it. I wonder if the event was televised? If so, there's most likely even better footage out there somewhere.

Posted by scott at 09:07 AM eMail this entry!
September 10, 2008
September 06, 2008
Your Thought for the Day

“What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Barack Obama?”

“One is a well turned-out, good-looking, and let's be honest, pretty sexy piece of eye-candy.

“The other kills her own food.”

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 08:55 AM eMail this entry!
September 05, 2008
It Came From New Jersey

I don't often link FARK threads, unless they have as much "WIN" as this one does. Go for the guido pictures, and do not miss guidos in motion.

The weirdest thing of all is, after living with and around yankees for the past twelve years or so, I'm starting to be able to tell the difference between someone from Jersey, Brooklyn, Long Island, upstate, and Manhattan. I guess it's a kind of radiation, seeps into your bones, that sort of thing.

Posted by scott at 03:28 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

I dunno... for some reason this, this reminds me of... "someone":

Ridcully was to management what King Herod was to the Bethlehem Playgroup Association. His mental approach to it could be visualised as a sort of business flowchart with, at the top, a circle entitled "Me, who does the telling" and, connected below it by a line, a large circle entitled "Everyone else".

-- (Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent)

Now, I would never think of scratching out Ridcully and putting in "Ellen". Nor would I ever change all the "he" and "his"'s into "she" and "hers"'s. My story, sticking to it.

Posted by scott at 02:09 PM eMail this entry!
September 03, 2008
Say My Name!

If only SNL were this funny.

The Post, at least, is most definitely hammering away at Palin, and the MSM in general is trying hard enough that British bookies are now taking bets that she'll bail, perhaps before the end of the convention. Note the snarky back-biting in this LA Times piece.

Posted by scott at 02:21 PM eMail this entry!
September 02, 2008
When Room Mates Attack

Ah, college. The long hours. The tough assignments. The passive-aggressive room mates.

In my first "group house" we had a member who expressed his displeasure with us by turning the thermostat down to 50 at 1 am. I out-p-a'd him by waking up 5 minutes later and switching it to FAN so it'd still make noise but not freeze us/power bill us to death. Needless to say, that group didn't stay together very long.

Posted by scott at 02:27 PM eMail this entry!
I Moo, Therefore I Am

Amber gets an extremely silly no-prize for bringing us "I am Cow", a benediction to everyone's favorite burger ingredient. Moo!

Posted by scott at 09:14 AM eMail this entry!
August 29, 2008
Oink Oink

Other, classier, sites are making note of McCain's VP pick with serious discussion and analysis. We, however, choose a different route.

Ron gets a no-prize that'll spend most of its time rooting around in the muck for bringing us a crystallization of the first three or four thoughts every straight man had when he heard the news.

Posted by scott at 04:22 PM eMail this entry!
Being from Columbus, he's Just Spreading it Around

I have no doubt he would do exactly that. I still think the orange Jersey douches are funnier, but this guy was worth chuckle, for no other reason than it gives me the opportunity to yank a certain person's chain.

In 3... 2... 1...

Posted by scott at 02:35 PM eMail this entry!
And the Dog Goes, "Squeak Squeak"

Today's "idiot dog swallows something he shouldn't" story brought to you by...

Hey, are you sure this is right? This really is the town's name? No way. No f'ing way. Well, ok then...

By the Leamington Spa Courier. With most excellent X-ray goodness.

Those English. They'll name a town anything!

Posted by scott at 08:44 AM eMail this entry!
August 28, 2008
Escape Goats?

It's nice to see that the US isn't the only nation with an f-d up public school system. Some of you may think, "well at least they speak English." Keep in mind their immigration problem is actually a bit stickier than ours. They may boost the crime rate and create a built-in constituency for nanny-staters Democrats, but at least they don't try to blow us up on a regular schedule.

Posted by scott at 09:26 AM eMail this entry!
August 27, 2008
I'm not a Hypocrite. I'm too Rich to be a Hypocrite.

Personally I've always thought having a pretty face and being reasonably articulate in front of a camera were no great talents. Now I have (even more) proof. Remember folks, we're only supposed to do what they tell us to do, not what they do themselves.

Posted by scott at 12:48 PM eMail this entry!
August 26, 2008
And the Stripper Wannabe Goes, "Crash-Flop-THUD"

Reason #7 Why Ellen Can't Have One: she stumbles over level ground. A disasters like these would only be a matter of time.

Far as I could tell the video is SFW.

Posted by scott at 01:32 PM eMail this entry!
August 25, 2008
Mark's Costume

mark2008costume.jpg

Posted by Ellen at 01:42 PM eMail this entry!
August 22, 2008
Yeah, that Can't be Good

You'd think with such a shiny tow truck he'd know better than this. Well, I guess the guy learned a lesson in physics that day.

Posted by scott at 03:00 PM eMail this entry!
When 'Teh Stoopids' Attack

Go for the description, stay for the picture:

This is the amazing scene of a burglar hanging upside down that greeted home owner Paul Ives when he returned home from work.

Since it happened in the UK, I'm surprised they didn't arrest the homeowner for something like "failure to ensure burglar could enter home safely" or some such nonsense.

Posted by scott at 12:07 PM eMail this entry!
August 15, 2008
Welcome to Their World

While it's kinda short and the white-on-green color choice is awful, this brief look at the kind of support e-mail Slashdot gets was still amusing, at least to me. It's nice when you get proof positive that it's not just your users who are a bunch of panicky screwups.

Posted by scott at 01:18 PM eMail this entry!
August 13, 2008
F'ing Bird!

Mark gets a damned salty no-prize for bringing us the latest celebrity behaving badly. I'm pretty sure it's staged; then again, Howard Stern runs out-takes of various celebrities melting down during voice-over sessions and I have to admit this sounds a lot like those.

Language is NSFW, but everything else is fine.

Posted by scott at 02:03 PM eMail this entry!
August 12, 2008
[Geeky Snort]

I think I'm beginning to get the hang of this whole lambda thing. I think this will actually work! Well, it compiles at any rate:

List<RegistrationBatch> rbl = rbl.Where(x => x.Registrations.Where (y => y.RegistrationTypeUsed.MyClass == registrationType.RegClass.regular).Count() > 0).ToList();

It gives me all the registration batches which contain "regular" registrations. Yeah, I can do this in a heartbeat with a sql string, but that tends to net me unexpected behavior that doesn't show up until runtime, and won't let me use all my handy enums besides.

Wrong Wrong Wrong! comments in 3... 2... 1...

It's my blog, I'll write what I want to!

Posted by scott at 02:52 PM eMail this entry!
Military Life

Sometimes it's scary, most of the time it's dull, and sometimes, well, sometimes life in the military can be just a little silly. Making inappropriate jokes at inopportune times is, after all, an American past time.

Mark gets a no-prize he can strap to a bomb rack for bringing us this collection of uniquely themed photographs.

Posted by scott at 08:06 AM eMail this entry!
August 11, 2008
Well, Duh.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised I agree with just about all of the "elements" on this table. Except for Saget. For some reason every time I see him on TV I start to chant "DIAF DIAF DIAF". Sue me.

Posted by scott at 03:46 PM eMail this entry!
August 08, 2008
You've Gotta be Kidding Me

This has to be satire or something. Nobody's campaign staff is that dumb. Right?

Via Instapundit, who took it seriously enough to do some research, with... interesting... results.

Posted by scott at 01:11 PM eMail this entry!
August 07, 2008
Ed IN In Out...

Thanks to Shirin for the entry!

Posted by Ellen at 08:54 PM eMail this entry!
August 06, 2008
I'd be Happy for My Head to Still be Attached

Yeah, I know, it's made the rounds, but I still thought this "take down" of the chatty Today Show hosts was a hoot. Welcome to live TV!

Posted by scott at 03:20 PM eMail this entry!
August 05, 2008
Paging Richard Wagner, White Courtesy Phone Please

Nothing says "Valkyrie" like big German women with rocks and cudgels:

Pedestrians usually step aside when Gisela Lang and her lady warriors come down the street, re-enacting the glorious day when the Women of Kronach helped oust an invading army from Germany nearly 400 years ago.

"All of us weigh at least 90 kilograms," (200 lbs) said Lang, 52, a local culture official who herself tips the scales at 100 kilos.

Mark gets a no-prize that only sings when it's all over for bringing us this amusing bit of local German tradition.

Posted by scott at 01:55 PM eMail this entry!
August 01, 2008
Head.Explode(Candy);

Think of it as a cat, with thumbs. It's not a sloth; I'm pretty sure it's some sort of loris. Hmm? Oh go look it up.

No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 01:23 PM eMail this entry!
July 31, 2008
Spaces Matter

Ok, I admit it, I literally laughed out loud when I checked out the URL. I need to get out more...

Posted by scott at 11:34 AM eMail this entry!
An Alphabet, for the Rest of Us

Brian gets a no-prize that'll play a classic Styx tune with the press of a button for bringing us the Halo Corpse Alphabet. Something tells me this won't end up as a set of magnets for our refrigerator.

And that's not a challenge (Joshua)!

Posted by scott at 10:47 AM eMail this entry!
July 29, 2008
God's Snack

Well, I'm still looking for my Buddha gravy, but at least when I find it I'll have a side dish. Considering all the weird ways Cheetos can come out of the bag, I'm surprised it's taken this long for somebody to spot a Jesus one.

Sorta puts a whole new spin on that "eating the body of Christ" thing, eh?

Posted by scott at 03:32 PM eMail this entry!
Rrm... Wha?!?

I'm pretty sure doggycondoms.com is fake, but if it's not it certainly represents a pretty innovative expression of experimentalism. I think. Somebody else gets to put it on Rover.

Posted by scott at 11:36 AM eMail this entry!
July 25, 2008
Beep Beep

When the children are away, the parents may play. Vaguely NSFW.

Posted by scott at 12:54 PM eMail this entry!
July 24, 2008
Welcome to My World, Ancient Edition

Except for the language, I deal with calls like this just about every day. And people wonder why help desk workers don't last very long...

Posted by scott at 03:54 PM eMail this entry!
July 23, 2008
And Like the Train Kind, You Just Can't Stop Looking

Remember that awful wedding cake you saw years back at your [friend's | relative's | ex's ] event? Bet it wasn't as bad as these.

The worst one I can remember actually was at a wedding, years ago. Strangely, I can't remember exactly who's wedding it was. At any rate, it tried to be a three-level, columned classic. Which it was, if you overlooked the frosting drooling over the sides like slow-motion water from an overfilled punch bowl. The impression of a ruined Greek temple was greatly enhanced by the fluted columns no less than 4 degrees out of true in all different directions. Truly, it was a classic.

Posted by scott at 03:23 PM eMail this entry!
Paging Barry Manilow, White Courtesy Phone Please

It's... It's... a miracle:

Diners have been flocking to a restaurant in northern Nigeria to see pieces of meat which the owner says are inscribed with the name of Allah.

If someone would only find gravy with bits that look like, oh hell I dunno, say Buddah for the sake of argument, we could use this and that Jesus toast to make our very own holy sh*t on a shingle!

I swear, some times I'm so damned clever I amaze even myself.

Via Yourish.

Posted by scott at 11:35 AM eMail this entry!
No [Video] Reverb

Mark gets a no-prize with a really high voice for bringing us more evidence that Rock Band is a video game, not a teaching tool. This must be, what, the sixth or seventh actual rock band that couldn't play their own songs on Rock Band? And check out the drum setup... no wonder they did so poorly!

Posted by scott at 08:59 AM eMail this entry!
July 22, 2008
Are We Having Fun Yet?

So, if a previous article is to be believed, TV commercials now cause kidney stones. What an insight! I should work for TV news!

As an inveterate TiVo user, I haven't intentionally watched a commercial (at home, anyway) in something like six years. Who would've known that would put me in with the greenies? Quick! Someone light up a charcoal grill!

Posted by scott at 01:18 PM eMail this entry!
July 21, 2008
Piz on Quiz

Parents of young children can test the strength of their Seuss-fu with this Dr. Seuss quiz. I only got 7 out of 10, but then again it's been awhile since we've done the Seuss circuit during story time.

Posted by scott at 12:58 PM eMail this entry!
July 18, 2008
A Want Ad for... Rrrmmm... Ok, not Me

Hey, at least he's honest:

You must know your way around [Super Mario Bros.] before we meet... also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

Thing things people are willing to advertise for...

Posted by scott at 03:32 PM eMail this entry!
July 17, 2008
Weer in Ur House

tellin' da troofs. Better than impeechin' our doodz!

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 12:58 PM eMail this entry!
That's His Royal Highness Cranky Old Man to You, Bub

Lisa R. gets a no prize with a crown and scepter on for bringing us The Principality of Hutt River, which appears to actually be the oldest "micronation" in Australia. They even have a home page. Mint coins and stuff!

Shoot. If I'd know'd it was that easy I'd've done it years ago!

Posted by scott at 10:43 AM eMail this entry!
A Different Sort of Perq

Work for NASA, pee in a cup. Over and over again, it would seem. But hey, at least it's voluntary!

Posted by scott at 08:16 AM eMail this entry!
July 15, 2008
Well, at Least it Wasn't a Foil Hat

Ya know, the party just hasn't started until the guy covered in barbecue sauce shows up. When Mr. Shotgun is pointed at you, it really doesn't much matter how badly you need protection from the government, no'Wha'ah'mean?

Posted by scott at 01:12 PM eMail this entry!
July 11, 2008
Well How the Heck Else do You Expect Them to Get to Grammas?

Why we didn't think of a picture like this, I'll never know. Oh I know all right. They may not shoot guns, but the grammas Olivia's got can swing some pretty heavy bats.

Posted by scott at 01:20 PM eMail this entry!
That Might Leave a Mark

Volunteer fire-fighting seems to be a lot more fun than I would at first have thought. Don't miss the video, amusing in equal parts for the fireman shooting a rocket out of his butt (really!) and the puritanical disapproval of the "investigative" reporter.

Posted by scott at 07:56 AM eMail this entry!
July 10, 2008
Your raw sensuality flusters me as the dog sneezes into the ventilation fan.

Fans of non-sequitors in the peanut gallery should find the Surrealism Server amusing. For a few minutes, at any rate.

Why yes, I have spent all day coding, why do you ask?

Via Violins and Starships

Posted by scott at 03:22 PM eMail this entry!
July 09, 2008
That's Racist!

Long, long ago my mom was on the city council of our local town; her many stories of their meetings kept me from being that surprised about this:

Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections "has become a black hole" because paperwork reportedly has become lost in the office.

Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, interrupted him with a loud "Excuse me!" He then corrected his colleague, saying the office has become a "white hole."

Via Countercolumn

Posted by scott at 01:46 PM eMail this entry!
I Need Another Line of Work

I've always known it was expensive to live in Manhatten. I mean, look how much a homeless person gets for just being, well, homeless. Gotta love that rent control!

Posted by scott at 10:25 AM eMail this entry!
July 08, 2008
... and the Convertible Goes, "Splish-Splash"

I swear to God, the Post Express this morning called this one, "why women shouldn't use a standard transmission." If the thing was going 40 mph when it hit, I would imagine there would be more damage to the pool itself. But wtf do I know? Well, I know a) try not to park a standard on a hill and b) if you do leave it in gear and set the e-brake. Sheesh.

Posted by scott at 08:13 AM eMail this entry!
July 07, 2008
When Spare Time Attacks Journalists

Ron gets a no-prize which can be read end-to-end whilst sitting on a toilet for bringing us this bit of People-esq automotive journalism. Sometimes I think these guys are mostly out for excuses to drive cars no real person could ever afford, instead of providing information about cars I want to buy.

And, dude... what self-respecting "top 10 post-apocalypse vehicles" list would leave off the LM002?

Posted by scott at 02:47 PM eMail this entry!
~ Some People Want to Fill the World ~

I guess it was only a matter of time before someone figured out how to put a mash-up generator on the internet. Sorta reminds me of those old novelty singles that were popular in the 70s. You know, the one where it's a interviewer and the replies are all song snippets? I can't remember the name of the guy who did them anymore. Gah.

Posted by scott at 12:34 PM eMail this entry!
July 04, 2008
When Tech Support Attacks

I only wish I could get away with this crap. Where I work, if I don't deliver exactly what they want just before they know they want it, with a sweet smile and a kind, gentle voice, I'm just not effective.

Posted by scott at 10:00 AM eMail this entry!
July 02, 2008
Who You Gonna Call?

Go for the cellos, stay for the polka. I guess string players gotta make a living somehow, eh?

The fall of the iron curtain gave everyone over there the freedom to be silly as well, ya know?

Posted by scott at 03:26 PM eMail this entry!
July 01, 2008
Your Thought for the Day

dearlord.jpg

For the less technical, what you'd be asking for is the ability to smack idiots around via the Internet.

Posted by scott at 08:29 AM eMail this entry!
June 30, 2008
Supervan!

Ron gets a no-prize that'll keep on truckin' for bringing us this brief bit of '70s nostalgia. I wonder where they put the 8-track?

Posted by scott at 08:10 AM eMail this entry!
June 24, 2008
When Bloopers Attack

Remember folks, news anchors just have to be pretty. They don't have to be smart. Damned good thing too, eh?

Posted by scott at 02:23 PM eMail this entry!
My Lawn: You Get Off it

My lawn:

The owner of a tiny island in off Scotland declared its independence from the United Kingdom on Saturday, saying he wanted the territory, population one, to be a crown dependency like the Channel Islands.

The British have a long and varied tradition of cherishing eccentricity. Looks like they've got yet another entry right here.

Posted by scott at 11:33 AM eMail this entry!
June 23, 2008
~ Come on in and Cover Me ~

Mark gets a no-prize that'll make his ears bleed for bringing us news of the worst, and best, cover songs of all time. For now. According to them, at any rate. I could've sworn I'd heard the top worst pick somewhere along the line. Maybe it was all just a bad dream.

Posted by scott at 12:41 PM eMail this entry!
June 17, 2008
Family Portrait 2008 Sea World

caircature2008.jpg

Well what do you expect from us? A real photo? :)

Posted by Ellen at 06:51 PM eMail this entry!
June 15, 2008
List<Money> fml = SoonParted(from f in listOfFools where f.moneys.count > 0 select f);

Coming to a hi-fi wanker store near you: $500 "audiophile" ethernet cable. Directional, even! Ok, the CAT-5 equivalent of lamp power cord is a bit more expensive than, well, lamp power cord, but it'll transmit your data just as well as the cord transmits electricity to your speakers, and it'll all sound just as good as the idjit who spends $5k on his interconnects.

Oh, and I couldn't quite think of how to express the "fool and his money" adage in a single line using a lambda. After 12 years using the real thing, I'm just too comfy with pseudo-SQL. I'll leave alternatives as thought exercises for the peanut gallery.

Posted by scott at 07:28 AM eMail this entry!
A Promotion, for the Rest of Us

Three words: Farming with Dynamite. Does the real chance of dying from some weird disease that today would only require a shot balance out with having high explosives available for purchase at the corner hardware store? I'm just not sure...

Posted by scott at 06:49 AM eMail this entry!
June 14, 2008
Ok That's Just Tacky

It was bound to happen eventually. Someone's come up with a "sock Obama". It's got that great racist fizz!

Posted by scott at 06:56 AM eMail this entry!
June 13, 2008
Chickens.Roost(Home);

Like a child who refuses to clean up her room until her trip to the movies is threatened, it would seem China really can control counterfeiters, if they're given a reason. If I were Microsoft or Sony, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for this newfound efficiency to "bleed over" into any of my piracy cases. They do have their priorities, donchanknow?

Posted by scott at 06:58 AM eMail this entry!
June 09, 2008
It's not Like There's Anything Else to Do
Posted by scott at 10:38 AM eMail this entry!
June 06, 2008
Oh Noes!!!

I think this one pretty much defines "so scared you scream like a girl." Since she is, and does, and is, well, there ya go. Me, I'd be hooting and hollering like a goddamned chimpanzee, but I'm special that way.

Posted by scott at 02:26 PM eMail this entry!
June 05, 2008
But What About "Supercalifragalisticexpialadocious?"

While I knew the correct definition for most of these "9 words that don't mean what you think they mean", there were still a few surprises. I have, fortunately, grown out of the habit of correcting people about them. Having a wife who can tell her husband to f- off three different ways in two sentences will teach one to maintain one's own council about such things, donchaknow?

Posted by scott at 03:44 PM eMail this entry!
May 30, 2008
When Girlfriends Attack

Male domestication, step 4: teaching him practical jokes that worked on his dorm friends will not work on you. I learned this one a long time ago. This is probably more due to me being old than to me being smart. Just ask my wife!

Posted by scott at 03:24 PM eMail this entry!
May 29, 2008
Must... Exercise...

No, really, I'm just watching to see how the widget works. Personally, I think "boobmaster" would've been a more appropriate name. SFW!

Posted by scott at 02:41 PM eMail this entry!
May 28, 2008
Plate Fun

They're called "awful", but I think this collection of custom license plates is pretty funny. I especially like the "EAT THE - [children first]" plate. From Virginia no less!

Posted by scott at 12:57 PM eMail this entry!
May 27, 2008
Med Terms

Members of the peanut gallery currently or formerly involved in the medical profession (veterinary or otherwise) may find thi s list of "insulting" diagnosis abbreviations of interest. The comments on the FARK link include more items, as well as more than a few sniffy "This is not funny!" replies.

Posted by scott at 02:56 PM eMail this entry!
~ Paranoia May Destroy Ya ~

Annie gets a no-prize with foil hat firmly attached for bringing us this "doomsday" scenario at least one group believes is inevitable if a national ID scheme is ever implemented. Because we all know how the current amazingly well constructed HIPAA legislation is being utterly and completely ignored.

Next...

Posted by scott at 12:35 PM eMail this entry!
May 25, 2008
Too Much Time..

...

But O so funny.

Posted by Ellen at 11:25 AM eMail this entry!
May 23, 2008
Oops.

I'm not sure which is better... the position of this (very expensive) British helicopter, or the position of the parking truck. The latter being quite definitively out of frame, we'll just have to speculate.

Posted by scott at 11:57 AM eMail this entry!
May 22, 2008
Dude. Wait, What? X

Nothing livens up a press conference like counter-rotating flying dildos. No, really!

Via Violins and Starships.

Posted by scott at 04:41 PM eMail this entry!
May 17, 2008
... Hardly Evar

Fark veterans will know nearly all of them by heart, but the rest of you should find this collection of best mugshots "evar" amusing. Hey, at least they're famous for something!

Posted by scott at 09:10 PM eMail this entry!
May 15, 2008
Best. Typo. Evar!

Chili's a cow. Chili's a big cow. Chili has an interesting taste in snacks (emphasis added):

However, nine-year-old Chilli grazes just on grass and enjoys the occasional swede as a treat at his home at the Ferne Animal Sanctuary in Chard, Somerset, where he was dumped at six days old.

How the hell does that get by the copy editors?

Posted by scott at 10:34 AM eMail this entry!
May 14, 2008
Pac Man Fever

Mark gets a silver no-prize with an earthy blue star on it for bringing us this older, but no less amusing, cartoon about a certain peanut gallery member's favorite football team. I'd probably laugh more, but the Redskins stink so bad they're not usually not even worth the occasional chuckle.

Posted by scott at 08:18 AM eMail this entry!
May 13, 2008
When Roaches Attack!

I peed myself laughing at this.

Of course...it's Florida!

Posted by Ellen at 09:07 PM eMail this entry!
An Update, for the Rest of Us

Mark gets a no-prize with no detectable accent I can hear for bringing us this "Red State Update" view of the Democratic primary process. It was the very last line of dialog that clinched it for me.

Posted by scott at 08:48 AM eMail this entry!
May 12, 2008
A Datastorm, for the Rest of Us

While I would've probably enjoyed more floppy-induced mayhem and less goofy shtick, this film about one man's quest to find a use for 3.5" floppies was still amusing. This is my boomstick!!!

Posted by scott at 08:26 AM eMail this entry!
May 09, 2008
Turbo!

Damion gets an extremely subtle no-prize for bringing us one fine example of hot-rodding a ricer. Hey, at least he's not hiding anything, eh?

Posted by scott at 08:34 AM eMail this entry!
May 08, 2008
I Bet All Together They've Got Three Brain Cells

Rhinos: 1, Wildebeast: 0. Hey, if they were bright they wouldn't be living like that, ya know?

Posted by scott at 02:43 PM eMail this entry!
May 07, 2008
-- --- .-. ... . -.-. --- -.. . .-- .. -. ...

Mark gets an old but good no-prize for bringing us the latest (that we've seen anyway) Morse code vs. text message contest. Oh, and Jay, it's MORSE, not "morris." Geeze.

Posted by scott at 11:40 AM eMail this entry!
When Rich White People Attack

Annie gets a very interestingly shaped no-prize for bringing us the true story of what happens when rich Americans in the West get into a tiff with each other. You can take the redneck out of his tacky neighborhood, but...

Posted by scott at 08:43 AM eMail this entry!
May 06, 2008
Oh Dear...

So, fess up now, are any of your favorite songs on this list of "top 90's worst videos. I'm expecting a lot of indignant harumpfs and denials from the peanut gallery. Methinks they doth...

Posted by scott at 12:45 PM eMail this entry!
May 02, 2008
Best. Bloopers. Evar!

I always suspected those guys underneath the stage of The Muppet Show were having a good time. Now I have proof.

Rick R. gets a no-prize in the shape of a score board for bringing us this great link.

Posted by scott at 12:32 PM eMail this entry!
April 30, 2008
Wow. Just... wow.

Any Brits who go on about how tacky people in the US can be are pleased to be shutting up and sitting down now. And all this time I thought Amber's dress was complicated...

Posted by scott at 01:02 PM eMail this entry!
April 29, 2008
Getting an Early Start, a Good Sign

Annie gets a no-prize with an extremely amusing mug shot attached for bringing us a story involving of one of the less popular places to spend one's wedding night:

A newlywed couple spent the night in separate jail cells -- she in her wedding gown -- after police said they brawled with each other, then members of another wedding party, at a suburban Pittsburgh hotel.

And could someone please explain wtf a "Yintzer" is?

Posted by scott at 02:18 PM eMail this entry!
April 26, 2008
If You Love Your Country...

I agree with Ron, Best! Song! Evar!!! I especially liked how Rodney kept looking at the balcony chick. Impressive. Most impressive.

NSFW!

Posted by scott at 03:13 PM eMail this entry!
April 24, 2008
We're from the Government, and We're Here to Help

They must've been on sale or something:

Three streetcars purchased by the District of Columbia for about $10 million are being held in the Czech Republic until the city builds tracks for the cars.

Bought 'em three years ago, no less.

Posted by scott at 03:02 PM eMail this entry!
April 21, 2008
A+++++, Would do business again!

Pat gets a no-prize with no reserve set on it for bringing us news that you, too, can get your classified military parts cheap on e-bay. I would like to think the whole thing was a complicated sting operation to allow the FBI to pop Achmejanni trying to pick up some spares for his Tomcats. Of course, this is the Federal government we're talking about here, so...

Posted by scott at 10:46 AM eMail this entry!
April 17, 2008
When Little Brothers Attack

Bad: getting yelled at by mom for not telling her you're meeting some myspace guy you met.

Worse: having a kid brother around with a video camera.

Couldn't tell if it was a younger or older brother, but it doesn't matter. Is this a conversation I'm going to have in 13 years? I'd like to think not.

Posted by scott at 02:57 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

"Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice." -- Bill Cosby

Via Econlog.

Posted by scott at 12:30 PM eMail this entry!
April 16, 2008
And that, Friends, is Why Helmets are Good

It's also why towing children's toys with grown-up four-wheelers is bad. No kids were harmed in the filming, although I imagine that teenage punk's little sister isn't going to be very happy with him.

Posted by scott at 03:32 PM eMail this entry!
April 15, 2008
IThinkAhBettahDanceNow

Something tells me one of Ellen's co-workers probably has a picture of him somewhere wearing suits just like this. Well, not the guy with the gold lame boots, the businessmen.

You just all better watch out, this could be coming to a movie night near you!

Posted by scott at 10:41 AM eMail this entry!
April 14, 2008
When Trophy Wives Attack

Now, far as I'm concerned any woman over 30 who marries a man more than twice her age deserves what she gets. I also think the reverse is also true. Go for the ridiculous story. Stay for the cRaZy eyes.

Posted by scott at 12:39 PM eMail this entry!
April 12, 2008
April 11, 2008
Busted

Hooray for Viagra! Hey, it's what married people are supposed to do.

Technically SFW, but some of the ads are suspiciously raunchy.

Posted by scott at 07:39 AM eMail this entry!
Beaver For U

Lisa brings us a very 'down under' ad all the way from DOWN UNDER!

Posted by Ellen at 06:48 AM eMail this entry!
April 10, 2008
Nerd Attacks!

The sad thing is, I know a few guys who've actually had conversations like this. And did I mention how glad I am I never ever ever have to go back to high school?

Warning: audio only, but the language is pretty blue.

Stafoo???

Posted by scott at 08:16 AM eMail this entry!
When the Public Attacks

Mark gets an obnoxious no-prize for bringing us even more reasons police have the hardest job in the world.

Posted by scott at 08:06 AM eMail this entry!
April 08, 2008
Shirley Q. Liquor & Hemmoroid Wisdom

Posted by Ellen at 05:06 PM eMail this entry!
When Boredom Attacks

Mark gets a no-prize that'll be there for an hour for bringing us this look at the daily grind of checkpoint work. Now that the Mahdi militia is back on the march, something tells me things are quite so boring.

Posted by scott at 07:52 AM eMail this entry!
April 07, 2008
Oops

Houses do a lot of things well. Unfortunately boucing isn't one of them. The back-story is here.

Annie gets a no-prize she better not take over a bridge for bringing us this "redneck joke just waiting to happen."

Posted by scott at 10:25 AM eMail this entry!
April 04, 2008
~ Please Tell Me Why / My Car is in the Front Yard / and I'm Sleepin with My Clothes On ~

Ok, it's no Caturday, but this Fark thread in celebration of the end of prohibition is still, as I'm wont to annoyingly say nowadays, "full of win." So sit back, relax, and read about just how much worse other people's drinking stories are than yours will ever be.

Posted by scott at 05:04 PM eMail this entry!
Ron... is that You?!?

Actually, this reminds me of more folks than just Ron. Me? Oh hell, I'm too old for that crap nowadays.

Posted by scott at 04:50 PM eMail this entry!
April 02, 2008
When Riffing Attacks

You'd think by now people would learn not to give Robin Williams a microphone without a script. Then again, if they did, the world would most likely be a much stuffier place.

Posted by scott at 01:21 PM eMail this entry!
April 01, 2008
Fuggedaboudit

My house is like this whenever I try to make tomato sauce ahem... gravy. Except the guy with the crowbar is shorter, prettier, and, you know, a woman. Not that we're mentioning any names here!

Besides, Ellen swears a lot more than that.

Posted by scott at 01:51 PM eMail this entry!
*Clonk*

Mark gets a no-prize that'll plead no-contest when it goes to trial for bringing us a rather colorful way of failing a sobriety test. You're doing it wrong!

Posted by scott at 08:57 AM eMail this entry!
March 31, 2008
First You Laugh, Then You Die

Leave it to the French to mount a 75mm cannon on a Vespa scooter. Are those goofy little things really that good off-road?

Posted by scott at 12:41 PM eMail this entry!
March 28, 2008
Big Ol' Sled of Fail

Lesson #28 on How Not to Do a Remote: never try reporting from the bottom of a snow sled hill.

It's almost too good to be true, but I'm provisionally believing it, at least for now.

Posted by scott at 03:11 PM eMail this entry!
March 26, 2008
~ Uh-Oh, It's Magic ~

You knew it was only a matter of time before someone explained just what about Ashley Dupres was worth $5000. Hmf. I thought they were all blue-tooth enabled. How else does my wife knows where everything is?

Posted by scott at 01:49 PM eMail this entry!
March 25, 2008
Rubber Face

I personally can think of no better use for a high-speed camera. Wait, what the hell am I saying? This would be the second best use of a high-speed camera. You all can guess at the first, but I will tell you it starts with a "b" and ends with an "oobs."

Posted by scott at 03:19 PM eMail this entry!
March 23, 2008
Pole Freak

Another good laugh(s).

Posted by Ellen at 06:15 PM eMail this entry!
And Now Da Sportz!

We received free tickets to the new D.C. Newseum from a very good friend that works there. If you have not heard about the Newseum, it is all on media. Yes, the news. Highly recommended visit for D.C.

Now, you get the opportunity to play "reporter" out on the streets for FREE! Yep, this one you do not have to pay for! So what did I do? I made Scott get up there with Olivia and "play reporter."

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Posted by Ellen at 03:25 PM eMail this entry!
March 22, 2008
Busy Body Burgers

I think their actual mistake was opening their restaurant so close to campus:

The restaurant, which opened two weeks ago, sits south of campus at the intersection of State and Hill streets. Adorning the blue awning above the restaurant next to its name is an image of a cowgirl riding a hamburger.

The Stonewall Democrats, a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender caucus of the University's College Democrats chapter, has taken offense with the restaurant's logo and recently began circulating a petition to sway the owners to change the logo.

I must be getting old. I can remember when it was just "Gay and Lesbian." The more names they add the less I take them seriously.

Posted by scott at 09:43 AM eMail this entry!
March 21, 2008
Death by Tray

Comedian Eddie Izzard strikes again, this time with helpful Lego animation! His monologues on history bear a surprising resemblance to my own at times. Maybe I should put on lipstick and eyeshadow and go on stage?

Or, perhaps easier, learn how to, you know, actually be funny?

Posted by scott at 05:31 PM eMail this entry!
Say What?

While I doubt these really are the ten most racist moments in TV, I did get a giggle. I especially liked the sports commentators who's urge to fill the air with anything finally bites them on the bum.

Posted by scott at 08:17 AM eMail this entry!
March 19, 2008
Dude. Wait... What? VIII

Those of you who wonder just what it would look like if you mixed the ridiculous earnest sincerity of a national politician with the loopy lunacy that only Japan can incarnate need wonder no more:

Foreign Minister Masahiko Komura appointed the cat an "anime ambassador," handing a human-sized Doraemon doll an official certificate at an inauguration ceremony, along with dozens of "dorayaki" red bean pancakes — his favorite dessert — piled on a huge plate.

No, really!

Posted by scott at 06:30 PM eMail this entry!
Oh Noes!

Turns out there may be something beer can't do after all:

After years of argument over the roles of factors like genius, sex and dumb luck, a new study shows that something entirely unexpected and considerably sudsier may be at play in determining the success or failure of scientists — beer.

Hey, at least it wasn't my tax dollars at work!

Posted by scott at 08:00 AM eMail this entry!
March 17, 2008
One Night, at Ron and Amber's

I'm not saying Ron's an anarchist bent on spreading murderous chaos for humor value, I'm... well, actually, I guess that is what I'm saying after all. We lurv him so.

Posted by scott at 06:08 PM eMail this entry!
March 14, 2008
A Crappy Misfire

That old codger with the chicken crap catapult? All it did was fling a bunch of fail. But he's vowed to try again, so who knows?

Posted by scott at 10:42 AM eMail this entry!
March 13, 2008
Dur

The reason people turn to a life of crime is because they're too stupid to do anything else:

Perhaps James Wombles thought he made a clean getaway when he reportedly committed multiple burglaries in Clark and Miami counties between December and January.

But authorities tracked the Montgomery County man down by following the GPS signals from his electronic monitoring bracelet. He has been in the Miami County Jail since his Jan. 22 arrest on charges of receiving stolen property.

Sometimes they act as a deterrent. Other times, they enable arrest.

Posted by scott at 12:47 PM eMail this entry!
Actually, I Like it that Color

Annie gets a no-prize that'll get out any stain for bringing us a story that really would be run if we were put in charge of the Church's laundry. Pink underwear... it's the new white!

Posted by scott at 09:50 AM eMail this entry!
March 12, 2008
String Fun

Mike J gets a no-prize that'll slide all over the place for bringing us an example of just how far too much free time can go. The note about the difficulties of testing certain kinds of programs is interesting too.

Posted by scott at 10:00 AM eMail this entry!
March 11, 2008
Oh Dear...

Joshua is the proud recipient of the Ed Wood no-prize for Absolutely Worst Movie of 2007 for bringing us well, this. The best part is, these people will almost certainly end up on Conan or Kimmel over this. Hey, if it can happen to that Tron suit guy, it can happen to anyone!

Posted by scott at 11:42 AM eMail this entry!
March 10, 2008
Hot & Not

Presenting HotChicksWithDoucheBags.com, your one-stop-shop for the dorkiest white guys on the planet who, somehow, still manage to at least get close to hot women. I was wondering which trends in the 'aughts would end up in the next VH1 "I love the..." specials. I don't wonder anymore.

Posted by scott at 03:59 PM eMail this entry!
Teller Speaks

I'm not completely sure what's up with everyone being so into zombies suddenly, but I still found & Teller amusing. I think it would've been better to see Penn wandering around in makeup, but he's probably too manic to make a really convincing zombie.

Posted by scott at 08:31 AM eMail this entry!
March 08, 2008
Rrmm... oookayyy...

Leave it to the English to take the whole goth thing way too far. You know the story: pay taxes, stay out of trouble, keep off my lawn, none of my business.

I can still raise an eyebrow!

Posted by scott at 05:03 PM eMail this entry!
March 07, 2008
Score! A Direct Hit!

Alternate title: Junk, meet gate pole; gate pole, junk. I'm not completely sure it's real, it seems a bit too good to be true. I do know, however, that downhill skiers can top 60 mph, so one hopes a cup was part of his equipment. As it were.

Posted by scott at 12:30 PM eMail this entry!
Grit Brit to Mob Yobs: Git off Me Lawn!

While using a retired trebuchet to fling chicken poo at thieves is all well and good, I can't help but think there'd be an aiming problem. They were originally meant to knock down walls, which don't move around near as much as your average punk. The cannon sounds more promising, if only I knew exactly what a "railroad sleeper" was.

The fact that he'll likely get in deep trouble if he ever actually uses his defenses speaks volumes about what eleven years of Labor rule has done to Britain's vaunted self-reliance. There, but for the grace of God and a Democratic party too disorganized to accomplish anything they consider meaningful, go us.

Posted by scott at 08:50 AM eMail this entry!
March 06, 2008
Drink Drank Drunk

Fark (of course) linked up "the worst shots ever created", a list which purports to contain the absolute worst shot drinks created by man. Looking at the list, I'd have a hard time disagreeing with them. The crap people will put down their throats in a bar at 2 am never ceases to amaze me.

Posted by scott at 01:07 PM eMail this entry!
Very Clever, Mr. Bond

Why use a laptop case when a pizza box will do? I've always tossed a towel over valuable stuff in my car. The wise owner of an old convertible will always have one or two in the car at all times.

Posted by scott at 10:39 AM eMail this entry!
March 05, 2008
Lesson Learned

Don't mess with the scales, young man, you'll get the teeth. Or, you know, something like that. With picture!

Posted by scott at 08:21 AM eMail this entry!
March 04, 2008
PWN3D!!!

Cricket batter: 1, streaker: 0. Includes nekkid-buttage pic, so if that's NSFW you've been warned.

Posted by scott at 10:41 AM eMail this entry!
March 03, 2008
White Guide

Presenting StuffWhitePeopleLike.com, a damned funny blog about a white guy picking apart his own preferences and preconceptions and, in the process, doing so for nearly every other white person I know. Particularly amusing to me was an observation that sounded eerily like this site's co-owner:

...what do white people like to do for lunch? The answer: expensive sandwiches.

In most cities, if you need to find a cache of white people get yourself to a sandwich shop. Generally these places aren’t open for dinner, have a panini press and are famous for their bread. There are always vegan options and the selection of meats and cheese are strongly European.
...
These sandwiches generally start at $8.99. Remember that whenever a white person says they wants to go to a sandwich shop you are looking at at least a $15 outlay after tip and drink, $20 if the place has a good selection of microbrews.

Via Violins and Starships, who makes the quite valid point that we may find this amusing more because of where we live than the color of our skin. I don't much care, the satire works just as well when you live in the correct area.

Posted by scott at 11:41 AM eMail this entry!
It Came From... The 80s!

Everything old being, as always, new again, 80s perms are making a comeback. Fortunately, in the UK. Unfortunately, probably here soon enough.

If things end up timing correctly, Olivia will be raiding Nina's old high school clothes for her fashions.

Posted by scott at 08:38 AM eMail this entry!
March 01, 2008
Ferrari: NOT YOURS

Personally, I think if someone actually mistakes a re-skinned Fiero for one of Modena's finest, they deserve what they get. But that's just me.

Posted by scott at 11:01 AM eMail this entry!
February 29, 2008
Now That's Just Tacky

Mark gets a no-prize he'll have to hide from the border patrol for bringing us yet another tasteless flash game. Those damned things move fast!

Posted by scott at 08:18 AM eMail this entry!
February 28, 2008
Man Trap?

Personally, I think the effectiveness of this will be determined by the bait. However, I have a feeling the number of choices required for a catch would not be particularly large.

Posted by scott at 12:58 PM eMail this entry!
Mom, is that You?

Sorta puts that whole "pizza boxes in the oven" thing in perspective, eh?

A 42-year-old borough woman was injured when what authorities called a stash of "homemade fireworks" stored inside her oven exploded.

So much for the quiet town.

Posted by scott at 12:07 PM eMail this entry!
February 27, 2008
Well Wouldn't That Just Suck

Problem: Hajji, being the secretive sort he is, gradually learns to hide from your big, sophisticated robot airplanes.

Solution: Make tiny, simple robot airplanes that look like bugs and birds, enabling you to facilitate a meeting with Hajji and his 72 virgins in a quick and efficient manner.

New problem: Cats (and other things):

There are bats, birds and other insects out there that will find it a cinch to catch robot butterfly's, mechanical birds or even cyborg moths. It will be a long time until our artificial flyers will be anywhere near a match for Nature's airbourne hunter-killers.

I can definitely see the disappointment involved in creating a zillion dollar droid which ends up showing you nothing more than what the inside of a cat looks like. And boy wouldn't that be an interesting thing to scoop out of the litterbox?

Via Ares.

Update: Go for the edifying discussion. Stay for the Y duz fud buzz? video.

Posted by scott at 02:34 PM eMail this entry!
February 26, 2008
A Pencil Sharpener, for the Rest of Us

Mark gets a no-prize shaped like a starfish for bringing us a rather unique pencil sharpener. How Amber and Ellen managed to survive without one of these I'll never know.

Posted by scott at 12:35 PM eMail this entry!
February 25, 2008
Yoiks... and... Away!!!

Annie gets a no-prize that should never be brought anywhere near the water's edge for bringing us a remarkable set of "Murphy's Law" pictures, and an explanation of why the last one is just too good to be true. I thought the last one in the e-mail looked a little funny. Considering what actually happened, there really wasn't much of a need.

Posted by scott at 07:56 PM eMail this entry!
February 23, 2008
A Picture Collection, for the Rest of Us

It's a unique collection indeed in which I have not seen a single one before. In other words, they're original, they're subversive, and they're fun. Don't just sit there, go look!

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 07:12 PM eMail this entry!
February 20, 2008
Flash Fun

Trillions of dollars and billions of man-hours to create, expand, and maintain the Internet, just to make sure we can see stuff like this. I love this country!

Posted by scott at 04:03 PM eMail this entry!
February 19, 2008
Fun with Flash

I'm sure Olivia will find this one at least a little funny. The trick is making sure Ellen doesn't run it completely into the ground, al-la "The Egg Song."

Posted by scott at 11:46 AM eMail this entry!
Yakuza, Ninja, and Tempura, Oh My!

Joshua, I have found your next goofy movie. It woulda been Ron's too, but it wasn't animated enough and lacked tentacles.

Posted by scott at 08:26 AM eMail this entry!
February 18, 2008
Bubble 2.0

Looks like things are heating up over on the West Coast again. Maybe tech stocks will return to save us all?

Posted by scott at 03:25 PM eMail this entry!
February 13, 2008
Fun with Maps

Mark gets a no-prize he just shouldn't look at for bringing us the real secret behind Google Maps. It's getting to the point Google is nearly as scary as Microsoft!

Posted by scott at 12:42 PM eMail this entry!
February 10, 2008
Men, in a Single Sentence

Resolved: If it explodes, moves fast or produces ridiculous amounts of torque, it's cool.

Seconded, passed unanimously. Now where's the fuse?

Via Violins and Starships.

Posted by scott at 10:23 AM eMail this entry!
February 08, 2008
A Reviewer, for the Rest of Us

Joshua gets a no-prize that throws out more jokes per second than Robin Williams on crack for introducing us to Ben Croshaw, the lord of Zero Punctuation.

Just go straight to the Super Mario review, then Guitar Hero III. You can thank me later.

And remember, he is Not. Gay!

Posted by scott at 03:25 PM eMail this entry!
Oh Noes! Not the Funding!

Always remember one of the hallmarks of a spoiled brat is the ability to dish it out but not take it:

As six Republican senators devised a plan to yank $2.3 million in federal funding for Berkeley programs, the mayor of the famously liberal city apologized Wednesday for his hard stance against a Marine recruiting center.

Too bad these aren't actually six-year-olds, and they're running a city.

Being able to think more than three turns ahead is the mark of a grand master, in politics as much as chess. I'm not sure what sort of mark is made when someone doesn't even think of the consequences of the move their making right now.

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 12:05 PM eMail this entry!
Double-Double

Mark gets a no-prize that probably shouldn't look like that for bringing us this collection of unique "look-a-likes". Nobody said duplicating someone at 1/8th scale was easy!

Posted by scott at 11:47 AM eMail this entry!
February 07, 2008
That's Certainly not What I was Taught About Where Babies Come From

Have fun parsing this one. Then again, the perspective seems all wrong to me. Maybe it's just a goofy photoshop?

Via Violins and Starships.

Posted by scott at 02:15 PM eMail this entry!
February 06, 2008
Pretty Much Says it All

Actually, it's not just mathematicians and physicists. Just about all my friends would be vulnerable to this sort of dastardly trick.

For whatever reason, I'm reminded of a scene out of the recent Dr. Who series. The Doctor gives and extremely elaborate and detailed explanation for why something that looks like a cross between a zombie and a bread machine is trying to gnaw everyone's face off. After two minutes, he stops for a bit, and everyone looks at his (cute, blond, female) companion. She says, "I find it's easier to just wait until he's out of breath and then nod a bit."

Ellen didn't stop laughing for five minutes. No idea why.

Posted by scott at 08:17 PM eMail this entry!
February 04, 2008
EBay, Meet EGrift

Look, people, If you can't bring it home don't f'ing bid for it on Ebay:

Hundreds of people in the poor Romanian town of Dragasani have grown rich by conning eBay online auction customers with deals that seem too good to be true - and often are.

The scammers have even put the new town hall up for sale on eBay, the mayor admitted last week. “I mean, who would want it?” he asked.

Bonus: the classic trailer-trash momma quote, "He's just a good boy who got mixed up with the wrong crowd." I wonder if it's more poetic in Romanian?

Like most illnesses, this one seems to be playing out in the very young, the very old, and the very stupid.

Posted by scott at 02:29 PM eMail this entry!
From Russa, with... Something...

Welcome to the former Soviet Union, where all manner of things are possible. Possible, yes. Desirable, well, that's something else all together.

Although, truth be told, I recall seeing things nearly as goofy in and around the South while I was growing up. Most are now long gone, so I think it's as much a sign of poverty as it is cultural quirks.

"If own grandmother pulls plow in underwear... you might be from Russia."

Posted by scott at 10:46 AM eMail this entry!
February 03, 2008
When the Writer's Strike Attacks

The advantages of having a cute girlfriend with connections. We've heard Sarah on Stern more than once... she really is like this.

Posted by scott at 09:49 PM eMail this entry!
February 02, 2008
Welcome to the High End. Please Keep Hands and Feet Inside the Ride at All Times

This is why, after more than 25 years, I only flirt with the Hi-fi hobby:

The Andromeda Reference, part of the Moon Evolution series, is Simaudio's flagship CD player. As such, it's a showcase for the company's latest and best technology, and they've gone all out in its execution. The double chassis is a perfect example. Sim began by separating the power supplies for the digital and analog sections, then designed each around an optimized, purpose-built toroidal transformer to minimize thermal, electrical, and magnetic leakage, and loaded them up with copious amounts of capacitor storage. Next, they shielded the transformers from the circuitry, and mechanically isolated the transformers and the circuit boards from each other and within the power-supply chassis. Then, to ensure that any residual power-supply noise was truly isolated from the audio signals, Sim put both supplies in their own chassis. The analog and digital power supplies each has its own umbilical to the CD-player chassis.

More than twelve thousand dollars later, and whaddaya got? 16 bits, 44.1khz sample rate, just like my $200 Emerson had in 1983. Just to add frosting to the lunacy, the reviewer starts comparing it all to vinyl. Because we all really know the true hi-fi benchmark was set in 1957, donchaknow?

Gah, I say, Gah!

Posted by scott at 07:00 AM eMail this entry!
February 01, 2008
Burger inna Can

No, really, a burger in a can. And he eated it! What will those silly Germans think of next?

Posted by scott at 08:33 AM eMail this entry!
January 31, 2008
Petty News

Joshua gets a giant demon-shaped no-prize for bringing us this startling development regarding the Super Bowl half-time show. Don't feel bad, mom, if I hadn't watched all of Ellen's brothers play Guitar Hero over Christmas I wouldn't have any damned idea what they were talking about either. Pop culture inside jokes... gotta love 'em!

Posted by scott at 01:44 PM eMail this entry!
Commemorating Black 13th

While I'm pretty sure the house of inveterate Cowboy's fan Ron didn't echo with screaming German, I bet something very like this went on in his head. I don't know just how many different ways this particular track can be mashed up, but this one was definitely a winner.

Posted by scott at 10:25 AM eMail this entry!
January 29, 2008
Dog Sled

It would appear that, just sometimes, enthusiasm can be an antifreeze. Go for the goofy dog jumping in the snow. Stay for said goofy dog's "Bugs on his way to the beach" tunneling imitation.

Posted by scott at 01:41 PM eMail this entry!
January 28, 2008
Soap Taste Testing

That's right soap.

And I PAY people at work to eat cat food and cat treats. No wait, I make them get in the dryer too!

Posted by Ellen at 09:36 PM eMail this entry!
January 27, 2008
Oh... My... God...

Ron and Amber, recently liberated from The Garden State, you may now start your flashbacks. The only time I've spent any significant time in NJ it was in the middle of winter, and I went nowhere near the club scene. Looks like it was win-win for ol' Scott!

Posted by scott at 01:35 PM eMail this entry!
January 25, 2008
Actually, I Sucjk at CorelDraw

Joshua gets a tragic yet informative no-prize for bringing us the Best. Photoshop. Tutorial. Evar! All four parts are great, although I think a few members of the peanut gallery will be in a huff after episode 2. Relax! Repeat to yourself... it's only a story... all fake, not real!

Sometimes they have problems telling the difference when it comes to... "p*ss factories."

Posted by scott at 02:59 PM eMail this entry!
A Vending Machine, for... Dude... What?

Surprisingly, this vending machine is not available in Japan. You can get beer and used panties on streetcorners in Tokyo, but you have to come to LA to get your pot fix from an armored soda dispenser.

Posted by scott at 01:53 PM eMail this entry!
January 24, 2008
Couldn't Have Happened to a Nicer Guy

Brings a whole new meaning to, "fall down go boom."

A recent book I read discussed at some length how over time humanity seems to have genetically "bred out" its more violent traits. It would seem Western Europe's transformation from a seething hotbed of violence to the milquetoast of the developed world would bear this sort of thing out. I wonder if, by literally blowing themselves out of the gene pool, the Arab cultures will eventually tame themselves in just such a fashion?

Posted by scott at 10:19 AM eMail this entry!
January 23, 2008
You Have Got to be Kidding Me

Walt M. gets the Darth Vader Ultimate Armament no-prize for (in the comments) cluing us into a .50 caliber air gun. A 1/2" slug, pushed by air. Those damned chipmunks better watch the F- out, s'all I'm sayin'.

Posted by scott at 07:39 PM eMail this entry!
January 22, 2008
Livin' in a Box

In the early 70s, even the trailer parks were supposed to be fabulously "mod". Luckily, free markets in the West made these popular but misguided attempts to "revolutionize" housing flop like the poorly planned utopias they were. The communist block wasn't so lucky, as the legions of critically-acclaimed Brutalist buildings with leaky roofs and lukewarm AC will attest.

Posted by scott at 08:53 AM eMail this entry!
January 21, 2008
~ Let's See How Far We've Come ~

Hard to imagine, but there are high school graduates who will not get one bit of this. Of course, high-tech in 1980 was even more classically silly. Who knows what'll be current when Olivia graduates high school?

Via Econlog.

Posted by scott at 02:21 PM eMail this entry!
January 20, 2008
A Day in the Life

Something tells me, if Ron and I were to somehow get incarnated into a video game, we wouldn't be two Strong and Quick Heroestm, we'd be these guys. It only got scary when one of them said "balls" in context.

Joshua's the only one of us who's actually played Portal. He'll most likely have the biggest laugh of all. At least until he comes around that corner. L-O-L.

Posted by scott at 08:13 PM eMail this entry!
January 18, 2008
"Anymore" Implies a "Once Was"

Mark gets a no-prize that'll throw a rock at him if he gets on its lawn for bringing us a deeply unappreciated reminder of my upcoming 40th birthday. I normally say, "yeah, but you're catching up fast" to such jests, but Mark started out several leagues ahead in this particular race.

The status of various grammas Shall Not Be Mentioned.

Posted by scott at 05:07 PM eMail this entry!
January 17, 2008
Your (Graphic) Though for the Day

Socialism_by_miniamericanflags.jpg

Even though it's 78% soft-headed college lefties, I do still love the occasional conservative on Fark

Posted by scott at 02:23 PM eMail this entry!
Diver Down

Most people would find paying fifteen million dollars for a hamburger a sign that something's wrong. Most people, however, are not Robert Mugabe. When will it all end?

Posted by scott at 01:20 PM eMail this entry!
January 16, 2008
Blended Hero

Guitar Hero, Blender. Blender, Hero. I've seen these blenders in the store occasionally. Trust me, you are definitely paying for the ability to blend anything.

Posted by scott at 03:03 PM eMail this entry!
January 15, 2008
If Ron Owned A Brewery

Now now...we KNOW Ron is a wine drinker..but still, this is Ron.

Posted by Ellen at 09:27 PM eMail this entry!
Sadly, We're not Even This Hip

All of our plans usually wrap up around 8 pm. The more risque friends and associates we have should most definitely get a laugh out of this one.

Posted by scott at 09:12 PM eMail this entry!
Your Thought for the Day

"Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OSes is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders."
--Unknown

Don't look at me, man. I do C#.

Posted by scott at 07:36 PM eMail this entry!
Gotta Love Those Backgrounds

Annie gets a no-prize with a lop-sided background and a really bad haircut for bringing us this... historic... collection of department store photo studio products. I would imagine we all have such awful photos of ourselves stashed in a closet somewhere.

Posted by scott at 04:00 PM eMail this entry!
January 14, 2008
Biff the "Par-Tay" Slayer

I know lots of guys who are white enough, but none that are rich enough. Wtf is "raw tea" anyway?

Posted by scott at 10:37 AM eMail this entry!
January 10, 2008
One of Us

Well, what would happen if God had a MySpace page? There certainly seem to be a lot of users who could do with some retribution, s'all I'm sayin'.

Yeah, it's a little long, but does have some clever bits. I thought the various choices of computer were amusing.

Posted by scott at 12:46 PM eMail this entry!
Not That There's Anything Wrong with That

Personally, I've never noticed any of these "obviously" gay ads. Then again, I'm well known for being about as quick on the uptake as Jamie Lynn Spears watching a condom ad. So what do I know?

Meh. Stay out of trouble, pay your taxes, keep off my lawn, and I officially cease to care. It's your product, market it as you please.

Article contains one vaguely NSFW ad.

Posted by scott at 09:11 AM eMail this entry!
January 09, 2008
Oh My!

Posted by Ellen at 09:33 PM eMail this entry!
I Told You, it's Not Mine!

Teenager + car + alcohol = busted + car. You balance the equation. His mom already did.

Posted by scott at 09:41 AM eMail this entry!
January 08, 2008
Joshua? Is that You?

Mark gets a no-prize which will protest to its last for bringing us this look at how most gamers really act when they get banned from their favorite games.

Personally, anything that makes fun of Nazis in their darkest hour is fine by me.

Posted by scott at 08:41 PM eMail this entry!
Whirlygig

I'm pretty sure this thing is supposed to be yet another perpetual motion machine. While it looks impressive enough, I think it's quite suspicious the video was shot in such a dark room. I also noted the lack of a more detailed examination of the thing's guts. In other words, just because I can't say how it was made doesn't mean the product isn't still a bottle of snake oil.

Triple negative! Woot!

Posted by scott at 11:36 AM eMail this entry!
January 04, 2008
When Judges Attack

Who says the law has to be stuffy? Makes up for all those reports about the judge and the penis pump.

Well, ok, not really. But still!

Posted by scott at 08:55 AM eMail this entry!
January 03, 2008
Headlines, for the Rest of Us

Fark had its (as far as I can tell) first-ever "headline of the year" contest this year, and the winners are just great. Showbiz was my favorite category, with politics a close second.

Posted by scott at 08:45 AM eMail this entry!
January 02, 2008
Rapture: NOT YOURS

Hey, at least he's owning up to his mistake. Sort of, in that great, fizzy, "I'm-a-wack-but-I-meant-well" sort of way. That's the problem with prophesying the end of history. It just keeps happening anyway.

Posted by scott at 08:24 AM eMail this entry!
December 31, 2007
Jingle Bang

It's never too late for some Christmas carols. I didn't know Dunham could be that edgy.

Via Instapundit.

Posted by scott at 02:31 PM eMail this entry!
December 27, 2007
Suicide by Free Time

I'm not sure which is more impressive, that you can build a contraption this elaborate for a self-frag, or that someone would actually try to do it. Fun with physics models!

Posted by scott at 02:47 PM eMail this entry!
December 26, 2007
The More You Complicate the Plumbing...

New Scientist has a year-end collection of the most spectacular science screw-ups of the year. Of course, there are still a few days left, so maybe we'll get more entries.

Posted by scott at 10:29 AM eMail this entry!
December 25, 2007
MiniVanGoesWhere?!?

Finally some loon ran the right building over. And kudos to the quick-thinking producer for jumping to the remote even when the news is happening in the newsroom.

Posted by scott at 09:57 AM eMail this entry!
December 21, 2007
Friends Don't Let Friends Make Bad Puns

Mark gets a no-prize that's going to be exhibit #1 in his murder trial for bringing us the worst joke we've heard in a long, long time. Which we did not laugh at. Did not even crack a smile. No sniggering, no guffaws, not even a tittle.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

Posted by scott at 06:55 PM eMail this entry!
December 18, 2007
Fun with Wood
Posted by scott at 03:28 PM eMail this entry!
Oh No He Dih-Unt!

Sometimes you just gots ta tell it like it is:

Although I am American, England has been my home since I was three years old. I now split my time between Los Angeles and London and regularly visit New York. There are many, many differences between the British and the Americans, but none more glaring than UK women’s approach to their own upkeep.
...
A perfect example of this was presented to me last week. I was set up with Sophie (I have changed the name) by married friends. Sophie was a truly beautiful girl I used to be friends with, but hadn’t seen in 15 years. I was surprised to hear that she was still single and was excited to meet her again. At dinner, I found myself sitting opposite something that surely would have been happier hunting for truffles in the forests of France or grazing on the grassy marshlands of Canada. My friend’s wife had told me that Sophie still had the body of a 20-year-old. Maybe she did . . . dismembered in her freezer at home.

Go for "teh funnay", stay for the indignant "I-am-woman-hear-me-wheedle" commentary.

Posted by scott at 08:05 AM eMail this entry!
December 17, 2007
Nerd Fight!!!

It's most likely for the best light sabers aren't real, otherwise this would most likely be a common outcome. Then again, alcohol and weapons routinely mix during Ren Fairs, and I can't recall ever hearing anyone getting hurt. Maybe because by the time you're wasted enough to go after the other guy, you're too wasted to find the ax?

Posted by scott at 02:45 PM eMail this entry!
~ After the Goths of Summer Have Gone ~

In other news, Australia has goths:

Summer officially begins in Melbourne around the time of the first sighting of a Goth in Elizabeth Street in short sleeves. It's not unlike the American custom of using a groundhog to indicate fine weather ahead but it's more unpredictable and so much more exciting. Our version of a hibernating rodent emerging from its burrow can happen in December, possibly February, or maybe March.
If they're anything like the standard variety Aussie, you do not want to get in a drinking contest with one. Professional bar crawlers, them.
Posted by scott at 08:30 AM eMail this entry!
December 15, 2007
Reenacting Recruitment

Mark gets a no-prize with a really nifty uniform for bringing us the latest news about recruit candidates for the Army. Poor WWII reenactors get no love. And they even have their own machine guns!

Posted by scott at 08:00 AM eMail this entry!
December 14, 2007
My Kind of Gun Control

Mark gets a no-prize with nail polish and gun oil for bringing us the most logical way all horror movies should end. At least that's the way they should end in the US. Other countries, maybe not so much.

I think that they don't is one of the reasons I've never been fond of the genre. It irritates me to no end when the good guys must be stupid for the bad guys to win.

Posted by scott at 11:47 AM eMail this entry!
December 13, 2007
A Carol, for the Rest of Us

Mark gets a no-prize that'll annoy him standing on his front porch for bringing us this... innovative... Christmas carol. SFW, no worries there. It's actually quite difficult to "screw up" that intricately on purpose. And in tune, no less.

Posted by scott at 03:16 PM eMail this entry!
December 11, 2007
A Pill, for the Rest of Us

Mark gets a no-prize that just doesn't understand!!! for bringing us Monthly Man, the time-release capsule that allows men to share that extra-special emotional roller coaster women make such a big damned deal over. Now if they'd just make a pill that'd give women that "drink beer, fi