Canada brings us the dumbest crooks of 2002.
My parents ran a liquor store, which is a moronic criminal magnet, for ten years. Among other things they encountered:
Dad said it would be fine with him to try but would he first cut the head off this snake? You see, dad had a very realistic rubber snake under the counter he used to f-k with his buddies when they visited (dad was weird). The door was pushed open so hard and so fast as the idiot left it bent one of the hinges out of true. He left his very impressive, and probably very expensive, knife spinning on the floor.
My parents would tightly wind up each day's register tape into a cylinder, then rubber band a week's worth together, then rubber band a month's worth together, getting a group of cylinder-like objects about the size of your fist. All the months went into a paper sack for record keeping. The thief must have thought it was a bag of change, because he stole it as well as some booze. As he was walking back to his hideout, he would pull one out, realize it was not a roll of quarters, then discard it, then pull another out, examine, and discard. The police, the mail man, and my dad slowly followed this trail all the way to his house, where he was discovered passed out on the couch.
Unfortunately for Mr. Robber, the old man whom he had frightened rather badly while threatening his wife, was a retired security guard from San Quentin's death row. Not realizing the thief was too stupid to be a threat to anyone but himself, the old man thought the robber was coming back. To protect himself and his wife, he pulled out the .44 magnum my dad had borrowed from a friend that afternoon and put a police-special bullet right between the theif's shoulder blades. The impact literally knocked him from his feet, triggering the second of his problems.
My dad had only ten minutes before taken all the cash and brought a fresh load of change in to accommodate the rush. Our fresh-as-oatmeal-and-only-slightly-dumber criminal had stuffed his pockets full of more than $100 in pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters, and this all broke open as he hit the pavement. While the EMTs were loading him onto a gurney (amazingly, he was not killed outright, but only paralyzed) all this change literally started streaming out of his pockets and tinkled its way out the drive-through. The police wanted to know, if he was as innocent as he was quite loudly proclaiming, he needed all this change.
The answer was not recorded.
There's a reason I think people turn to a life of crime because they're too stupid to do anything else, and it's not just from watching cops.