For some reason Ellen won't let me grow a world-class mustache and beard, which i shame. I mean, look what she's missing!

Bah, who am I kidding. I can't stand mine to get much longer than "closely trimmed". The way a mustache acts like a sponge just annoys the crap out of me. And if my beard gets long enough all I do is sit around and pull it. Neat & trim, that's for me!