Looks like Shia LaBeouf's "good boy with an edge" image just got a lot edgier. I'm not sure it'd be quite as newsworthy if he hadn't rolled his truck. Luckily nobody seems to have been seriously injured. Time to head to rehab!

What a charming couple:

A nine-year-old girl whose parents named her Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii was put into court guardianship in New Zealand so that her name could be changed.
...
The ruling was handed down in February but only came to light in law reports issued today. The girl, who had been at the centre of a custody battle, has since changed her name, but it was not revealed in order to protect her privacy.

"It's my kid I'll name them how I please" should only ever go so far. Still, you'd think the girl would just not register using her goofy name. Maybe it's not as easy as I think?

Eel soda, anyone? I'm not completely sure it's a fizzy drink, but neither option does not sound particularly appealing. Stack that one alongside vegamite and peanut butter on the "have to grow up with it to like it" shelf. At least for me.

Not content with ending his own miserable life, the escaped "spam king" decided to take his wife and two daughters with him. Unfortunately, only one of the daughters, and an infant he must've forgotten about, survived.

I dunno folks, this sure does sound like a bomb to me:

A Qantas flight to Melbourne made an emergency landing today after a large hole appeared near the cargo door.

The plane made the landing in Manila about 1:20pm after the cabin depressurised due to what sources have described as a "massive" hole in the fuselage.
...
Qantas this afternoon was still trying to establish how a large hole came to appear in the fuselage outside the baggage compartment.

It definitely wasn't a hatch failure... you can still see that, firmly shut, a few feet in front of the hole. This picture shows an intact one at roughly the same angle. Looks like a big chunk of faring came away. It also looks like this happened near the same point the bomb that took down Flight 103 detonated.

I don't like this. I don't like it one bit. Weirdly, there are probably a bunch of Boeing guys right now secretly hoping it was a bomb, because otherwise there'll be several hundred 747s grounded immediately. If it's wrong in the structure, it'll be wrong on a whole bunch of them.

Something tells me the next facility he's "enrolled" in won't be so nice:

Edward “Eddie” Davidson, a notorious e-mail spammer who was sentenced to jail time in April, has escaped from a federal prison camp in Florence, Colorado.
...
Davidson was housed in a minimum security facility. Minimum security institutions, also known as Federal Prison Camps (FPCs), have dormitory housing, a relatively low staff-to-inmate ratio, and are work and program-oriented. FPCs are generally located adjacent to larger institutions, where inmates help serve the labor needs of the larger institution.

Everyone's always suspected spammers are just barely smarter than a dead sponge. Now we have proof.

Remember that old saying, "eat like you've got a tapeworm"? Back in the recent past, some people took that way too seriously.

It would seem our wish to compulsively eat without consequences, and resort to whatever it takes, dates back well before the advent of the gastric bypass procedure.

No, really, when flowerpots attack:

Fire investigators said a fire that destroyed a Mendota Heights home last week was caused by a flowerpot.

What's on your porch?

I dunno, 30 or so catfish strolling down a street would probably give me pause too. I do know that, were this to happen anywhere near my old Arkansas home town, they'd never make it to the end of the street for all the whoopin' rednecks that'd found themselves a dinner right there in the road.

Annie gets a no-prize that Ellen can't have for bringing us this story about a most unusual thing to find in one's wash:

A woman checking her laundry Wednesday afternoon found an 8-foot-long snake wrapped around the clothes inside the washing machine at her Gorham home.

Ellen would've jumped with glee and most likely would still be on the phone with Amber about it.

I guess he really, really liked living there:

A ‘vulnerable’ man cut off his own head with a chainsaw after being ordered to move out of his home to make way for developers, police believe.

Umm... ouch?

Concrete wall: 1, bmx biker dude: 0. I never got into that sort of thing precisely because I knew without a doubt something like that would happen to me. My brother, not so much, and so when we were kids he more than once ended up in a dentist's chair for "repairs."

The things one can do with paper, upholstery foam, and way too much free time can be... Well hell, I'm not completely sure what that is. I guess that was probably the point, eh?

"Convicted killer Hans Reiser led police Monday to what he said was the body of his wife in the Oakland hills just two days before he was to be sentenced for first-degree murder, authorities said."

Their were more weird items in this murder trial than you could shake a stick at. I'm still not completely sure we know what's going on.

It's bad enough to drown while rafting down a river; it's worse if they can't even get at your body. I only thought that sort of thing happened on Everest!

While I can certainly respect the artistry, I gotta question just what went wrong in this kid's past to make him go that extreme. And dude, tattoo the whites of your eyes?!? Oh, Canada!

Leave it to New York to invent the Lutherburger. Bacon cheese burger, meet donut. Donut, cheeseburger. Ron would probably get his with extra cheese.

You'll please pardon me while I go check to make sure the wayback machine isn't set to 1437 or something:

The unsolved case of a 15-year-old girl who went missing in Rome 25 years ago has been dramatically reopened.

A woman has told police the girl was kidnapped by a criminal gang on the orders of Archbishop Paul Marcinkus, the disgraced former head of the Vatican's bank who was linked to the death of the Italian banker Roberto Calvi.

I've heard the saying, "old habits die hard", but this is ridiculous.

I guess it must be all the refinery smoke that keeps them from noticing the smell:

An 84-year-old Burlington County woman died and five other New Jersey residents were sickened in separate incidents after drinking small amounts of torch oil they mistook for apple juice, New Jersey poison control officials said yesterday.

NJ ex-pats Ron and Amber frequently told tales of the... piquancy*... of the native residents. For some reason they left "and they also drink kerosene like it's water" off the list.

---
* And I'll be damned if I didn't spell that right the first time, without even looking.

No, really, when alligators attack:

Okeechobee - Kasey Edwards said he never paid "too much mind" to alligators swimming in canals in Okeechobee County.

But early Sunday morning, an 11½-foot alligator had his full attention as Edwards, 18, struggled to free his left arm from the jaws of the reptile.

Those who put their money on the "alcohol involved" outside bet before the spin can now collect your winnings.

While I'm not particularly surprised that "lost and completely uncontacted" tribe that made the rounds a few months ago, well, wasn't, I am annoyed at the completely uncommented paternalism which triggered the whole episode:

Indigenous tribes expert, José Carlos Meirelles, said the tribe had been known of since 1910, and had been photographed to prove that they still existed in an area endangered by logging, The Guardian reported.
...
"When we think we might have found an isolated tribe, a sertanista (tribe expert) like me walks in the forest for two or three years to gather evidence and we mark it in our (global positioning system)," he told Al Jazaera in his first interview since the images were released.

"We then map the territory the Indians occupy and we draw that protected territory without making contact with them. And finally we set up a small outpost where we can monitor their protection."

These are not rare jaguars or gazelles, they're people, just like you and me. They are people, moreover, who I would imagine would appreciate knowledge that would help more of their children survive their first year, if nothing else. They don't need protection, they need opportunities.

Meh. I'll bet you dollars to donuts they've been so isolated for so long not because of any government or NGO "protection", but because the place in which they live is so miserable and hard to reach nobody wants to contact them. Some Amazon tribes also have an extremely well-deserved reputation for being such miserable examples of the human race nobody else wants to contact them either, at least not for very long.

Ah well. It's not my tax dollars being spent to "protect" people who're just as smart and clever as I am. "I say, let 'em crash."

Sometimes the headlines, they just write themselves: fifth foot found on British Columbia's south coast. Bonus: police have no clues as to just to who the feet belong. WeIrD!

So, really, what is it with these urban tigers? No, really, urban tigers. There's video! I swear!

Ellen would've tried to "step up" the hawk (command it to perch on her hand). Knowing her, it'd probably be in a cage in the corner within the hour, happily "nom'ing" one of the snakes' rats.

Turkey: 1, School bus: 0. Day 2 of "news so slow it makes me worry."

Seems giraffe meat is kosher. Who knew?

Ok, I'm officially nervous now. When a news day gets this slow, it usually means something awful's in the offing. I'd say, "be interesting!", but that'd probably just set it off.

While a pro-Israel statement from a neo-Nazi organization may at first seem contradictory, I'm not so sure it is. After all, they're supporting Jews in Israel. This would be quite similar in word and spirit to the KKK announcing it's support for black folks in, say, Liberia. "Not in my back yard, for racists."

Sometimes when you're stuck on jury duty you end up sitting for an interesting murder case. Most of the time, you either sit until they turn you loose or you help adjudicate two boring people with a petty problem. Then, just every once in awhile, you hit the poo lottery. And I mean poo lottery in almost it's literal form.

Inveterate peanut gallery member Ron is justly famous for his bathroom humor. However, something tells me even he'd have his limit, and some girl crying covered in the stuff is probably six or seven notches beyond it.

Me? Hey, if everyone's happy and I'm not forced to watch it, you do what you want. But as far as I'm concerned, when one of the participants is filmed being upset? Yeah, that's not art. Not by a long shot.

Seems they're putting women's parts on just about everything these days. Puts a whole new spin on all those "do you wanna ride?" pick-up lines.

What is it with these chicks and their land marks:

Erika La Tour Eiffel, 37, a former soldier who lives in San Francisco, has been in love with objects before ... But it is the Eiffel Tower she has pledged to love, honour and obey in an intimate ceremony attended by a handful of friends.

Methinks there's a reporter or two who have too much time on their hands.

Drunk driver: 1 & 10, cyclists: 0. I wonder if they'd even closed the highway for the race?

Update: This video seems to indicate it was a decent-sized event. It would appear the well-earned reputation of Mexican police has withstood yet another test of incompetence.

Today's "commercial crop threatened by some wicked disease" is brought to you by Dole. The fruit company, not the ex-senator, that is.

It would appear having an older dad is just about as bad as having an older mom. It seems Olivia just skated in under the deadline, as it were.

The 2008 Darwin Awards are out. When the going gets tough, the stupid get dead.

... said reporter has to file a story like this:

His mother, whose residence is where the sexual activity occurred, teaches at a public school. She testified at Thursday's hearing, insisting repeatedly that she was unaware of her son's sexual acts with her male German shepherd.

Your dog wants a restraining order!

Ron gets a... a... no-prize for bringing us a rather unusual gift idea. I personally have never understood the whole extreme bondage scene, but I guess as long as they pay their taxes, stay out of trouble, and off my lawn... meh.

While this particular page is SFW, I cannot vouch for any part of the rest of the site.

Fans of medical macabre should find this collection of "unusual brain injuries" of interest. If you want to know how bad mental illness can get, short of killing the victim outright, you need look no further.

Looks like the fall of communism claimed a victim we never expected:

A woman with a bizarre fetish for inaninimate objects has revealed she has been married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years.

...

While the rest of mankind rejoiced when the Wall, erected by the Soviets in 1961 to halt an exodus from East to West Berlin, was largely torn down in 1989, its "wife" was horrified.

She's never been back and now keeps models depicting "his" former glory.

Rrrmm... yeah. I wonder if she's able to hold down a job?

All the more reason to move to Oklahoma!

Fencing is all well and good, until you need a walker. No, really!

I have to admit, trying to get wi-fi internet connections banned because you're allergic to them is a novel strategy. Not one that's likely to work (one hopes, at any rate), but novel nonetheless.

It would seem people are lining up at Apple's flagship store in Manhattan for no clear reason. Me, I get a whiff of publicity stunt when I think about this. However, New Yorkers are justifiably famous for taking a buck and running with it. If it really were a stunt, I can't imagine them not saying so.

Steve Jobs may be a maniac, but he most likely will go down in history as one of, if not the, most important person to come out of the first wave of the PC industry.

How wrong is this picture, let me count the ways. Now for some eye bleach...

You're doing it wrong:

A Canadian man who asked his lover to carve a heart-shaped symbol on his chest during a rough sex game almost died when she accidentally pressed too hard and punctured his heart, a newspaper said on Thursday.

There's a claim form that'll end up in someone's secret "best of" stash!

Actually, I'm surprised someone hadn't thought of tying tomb stones to the WWW. Now that'd be a helluva epitaph, putting the URL of this place on my grave marker, eh?

Nothing like a home-bru flame thrower and a couple of tard teens to lighten the day. Bonus: dead-on Butthead giggling in the last scene. I never did anything this stupid, but I knew a lot of other guys who did.

Code Pink has officially jumped the shark:

Members of the anti-war group Code Pink gathered Friday with a cauldron of flowers outside a controversial Marine Corps Recruiting Center in Berkeley, Calif., to use witchcraft to rally against the Iraq war.

I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that they're trying these stunts or the fact that they get press coverage Jesus would envy every time.

You'd think someone would've turned a wheel or something. I have a feeling neither of the captains in this "kiss" collision went much further in their careers.

Leave it to Asians to put an oh-so-distinctive spin on pizza. Unfortunately only one of the advertisements seems to work, but it's plenty weird enough for you to get the gist.

Scott's rule of collecting, #7: an explosive is an explosive, no matter how old it may be. Me, I'll stick to something safer to collect, like scale model kits or old Italian sports cars. I'll leave the explosives to the re-enactors, who at least have the good sense to use new powder and blow it up on-site.

Is the investigation of a single, tragic death in Minnesota going to lead the unraveling of an entire string of serial killings? To me, it all sounds way too sensational, spooky, and just downright circumstantial to be true. Hopefully the media outlets will be sensible enough not to name any "persons of interest."

The sad thing is, this guy will most likely end up on Conan in the very near future. Video is SFW, but you'll most likely want the eye bleach handy.

Meh. His (fat, sharpie-markered, shirtless) body, his business. Pay your taxes, stay out of trouble, keep off my lawn, etc.

I've said it before, I'll say it again, just because you're smart at one thing does not mean you're smart at everything:

Jurors found Linux programmer Hans Reiser guilty of first degree murder on Monday, concluding he killed his estranged wife in 2006. The verdict followed a nearly six-month trial and nearly three days of deliberation.
...
When police eventually located Hans Reiser's Honda CRX a few miles from his home, they found the interior waterlogged, the passenger seat missing, and two books on police murder investigations inside. They also found a sleeping-bag cover stained with a 6-inch wide blotch of Nina's dried blood...

Fans (such as myself) of CourtTV and/or various court TV dramas will rightly surmise that even though the evidence was almost comically incriminating, it was also completely circumstantial. It's the kind of stuff good defense attorneys love to sink their teeth into, because cops can and do fake stuff like this all the time. So why did he get convicted? Because of a counter-example to Scott's Plaintiff Principle: never ever ever take the stand in your own defense:

In a characteristic exchange under cross-examination, Reiser tried to explain why he'd removed and discarded the passenger seat from his two-seater Honda CRX after Nina vanished. His explanation: He'd been sleeping in the vehicle, and wanted the extra room. Asked why he hosed down the inside of the car, leaving an inch of water on the floorboard, he explained that the interior was dirty, and he mistakenly believed the water would drain out.

The description in the article paints the man as a genuinely unpleasant person to be around, and in my opinion indicates he's suffering from a pretty severe mental illness. Which is sort of surprising to me, since I actually deployed ReiserFS on a few systems around here back in 2000, and the articles on his website seemed to me friendly and conversational.

Of course, it's not known as a "descent into madness" because people start off nuts, eh?

Mike P. gets a no-prize that'll wander down the street with its pants around its ankles for bringing us news (and picture) about someone taking a blown gun to a town's pigeon population. You'd think that, instead of offering some sort of reward, those PETA folks would get some traps and take the dratted things to the vet. Priorities, people, priorities!

Everyone look out, there's penis snatchers loose in the Congo!

Sometimes these things just write themselves: Missing man found dressed like doctor with dead deer in stolen ambulance. The article includes a classic "four-stiff-legs-in-the-air" picture of the aforementioned deer in the back of the presumably stolen ambulance.

Man. Where do you start?

Reason #412 Australia is a nice place but I probably wouldn't want to live there: a plague of poisonous spiders bad enough to shut down a whole hospital. It would be just Mark's luck he'd break a leg across the street from that one.

Actual headline: Priest attached to party balloons vanishes in Brazil. And here we've been wasting our time just attaching notes to them!

Reason #134 the rain forest is evil: It's ability to generate new and entertainingly deadly viruses. Take that, ebola!

And in the "freaky, seemingly pointless, yet somehow compelling science" category we have an experiment that alters fruit fly brains so that females are genetically programmed to think they're male. Look, sometimes you have to do science for its own sake, because you never know where it'll lead.

Bacon-flavored lollipop, anyone? Something tells me this one would stay at the bottom of the ol' candy bucket for a long, long time.

Pretty sad when you get run over by the car you tried to steal. Sounds like it ran right over his head, too. Oh, and the article gets my nomination for "year's most poorly written news report."

Reason #432 not to smoke: you could get trapped in an elevator for 40 hours trying to come back from your smoke break. And be immortalized in (included) video with that awful mullet everyone thought was so cool back in '99.

Just in time for a particular anniversary, we have news that yes, it definitely could've been worse:

The daughter of a woman made a gruesome discovery while going through her bedroom closet after she'd died -- the decomposing body of another woman wrapped in plastic, blankets and a sleeping bag.

According to the article, the family never caught on (or wind) because they were never allowed near the house.

No, really, when turkeys attack:

About five to 10 of the birds have been pecking at the postal workers as they make their rounds, and some of the birds have attacked the letter carriers with the sharp spurs on their legs. One of the birds went through the open door of a mail truck and scratched the driver.

Time to carry a .410 with bird shot, I'd think.

Update: Linkee now workee.

And here I always thought it was the drivers who'd be the troublemakers:

FORMULA One motor racing chief Max Mosley is today exposed as a secret sado-masochist sex pervert.

The son of infamous British wartime fascist leader Oswald Mosley is filmed romping with five hookers at a depraved NAZI-STYLE orgy in a torture dungeon. Mosley— a friend to F1 big names like Bernie Ecclestone and Lewis Hamilton— barks ORDERS in GERMAN as he lashes girls wearing mock DEATH CAMP uniforms and enjoys being whipped until he BLEEDS.

Assuming it's true, well... dude, wtf?!?

Another day, another twister tearing through my home state. It seems nobody got killed, thank goodness. Oh, and note the backhand redneck reference right in the opening.

No, really, when crocs attack:

A woman has been rescued from the jaws of a saltwater crocodile in Australia after her husband jumped onto its back and forced it to flee.

Pat gets a no-prize with a real knife for bringing us yet another reason nobody should ever live near the water in Australia.

Annie gets a strangely disturbing no-prize for bringing us this DIY knife block. Let's just make sure that stays off our Christmas list, kay? :)

I guess if you're dumb enough to think you can get rich using mercury to get at the gold inside computers, you're dumb enough to do it in your house. Mercury is dangerous, mmkay? Geeze. I thought everyone learned that back in junior high.

It would appear Comcast's efforts to stuff more channels into their digital domain aren't as unnoticeable as they'd like. This sort of thing had relatively few consequences in times past, but now that competition is a reality, it probably won't go well for the executives who thought this whole thing up.

Fark linked a single weird UFO picture, which seems to be a single shot from a series being featured on not one, not two, but at least three different web sites.

Nearly everyone thinks they're photoshopped, and those who didn't thought they were generated with some sort of 3-D art tool. I thought the "viral video game marketing ploy" idea made the most sense, but that's just me.

Of course, it could really be a space ship, so who knows?

I'd be a lot happier if they were switching off lights to dramatize why we need to reduce our dependency on foreign oil. The problem I have with environmentalism is not necessarily its (prima facia) goals, but that its most enthusiastic supporters never seem to admit that keeping the environment clean is expensive.

First go watch this, (all of it! Don't think I can't tell!) then come back and yell at me about how misguided my attitudes on environmentalism are.

Where else in the world but from the Pentagon can one request a set of batteries and receive a set of nuclear missile fuses instead? Alternate title: China.Cage.Rattle(new NukeFuzes[4]);

"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."

Ok, now it looks like a winky with a frilly sock on top. "Modding" the Eiffel Tower to celebrate its 120th anniversary is all well and good, but isn't this the same tower that has to be closed periodically to ensure it's not dangerously corroded?

Another day, another example which proves that storing cardboard boxes in an oven is actually a pretty tame thing. Strangely enough, Olivia has (so far) completely avoided any really destructive escapades. Well, except for exploding makeup bombs at various points around the house.

Slashdot is getting reports that X-Box 360 owners may have a long wait before their console supports Blu Ray. To which I say, "meh." The HD option is apparently a very fine DVD player, with excellent upconversion. If it were me, that'd be plenty enough for me to sit tight and wait until Blu Ray players drop far enough in price for me to pick one up.

Those of you wondering if our post-9/11 pilots are packing need wonder no more. If the tests on the popular show Mythbusters are any indication, discharging a gun in an airplane as it's flying around, even when pressurized, is nowhere near as dangerous as Hollywood has made it out to be. It is still a gun though, so it's still pretty damned dangerous.

Your safety. Let me show you it.

Your safety.

Err... weird.

Pat gets a no-prize with a moose bite in it for bringing us news of the untimely and strange demise of a former Abba drummer. I thought things like glass doors were tempered to prevent exactly this sort of accident from happening. Who knew?

I dunno, if Glenn keeps this up we might have to accuse him of having a sense of humor as twisted as our own. Of course Lileks got all wordy on it. How did anyone survive childhood in the 50s and 60s?

The YouTube link is the best!

Vodka fans in the audience may be surprised to hear someone's come up with a recipe for bacon flavored vodka. Somehow I don't see Absolut making this one of their new flavors. Then again, who knows?

Being the parent of a daughter, I can only hope my child is at least somewhat less likely to pull a stunt like this:

An 18-year-old man using a shopping cart to "car surf" was killed when a Cadillac sport utility vehicle he was holding onto hit a speed bump and threw him to the ground, according to authorities.

Then again, I got through my teens & twenties without doing anything even remotely this stupid, so perhaps it's more a matter of parenting than it is biology.

I'm not sure if I should be comforted by that or not.

Finally, a coconut crab picture with some scale. Ok, things without spines have no business being as big as a dog, mmkay? And I'd be damned annoyed if one disassembled my fence to get at my garbage. Raccoons are bad enough!

And stay off my patio!

Update: Joshua found video!

An engineer has demonstrated an implantable blood-powered display device. He configured it to act like a cell phone, but there are other potential uses. An implanted cell phone that never needs recharging. I'd never speak to my wife again.

Well, except over the phone.

Sometimes this stuff just writes itself: Twin gay porn stars arrested in rooftop robbery burglaries. Twins together in a porn flick is just a wrong no matter what. Stir in the "none of my business as long as I don't think about it OH MY GOD I'M THINKING ABOUT IT!!!" homophobia common to most heterosexual males and, well, it just don't get no skeevier than that.

Time for the brain bleach...

It's a beauty pageant that has it all: fancy dresses, fancy makeup, and muskrat skinning. No, really!

And it's in Maryland, of all places.

Ever wonder what it actually looks like when a trucker f's up and drives an oversized load into a tunnel? Wonder no more. With video goodness!

The sad thing is, the only reason we're hearing about this guy is he's famous:

The saga of Tony Rosato, in which the mentally ill comic actor from Saturday Night Live, SCTV and Night Heat spent more than 800 days in jail on a domestic harassment charge, mostly because he denies he is sick, then was transferred to a psychiatric institution in a creative legal manoeuvre that embarrassed the Crown last summer, slipped from the sublime into the ridiculous yesterday.

The vast majority of people this sick are never heard from at all. Well, until they kill themselves or others, that is.

How a constitutionally bounded free society deals with its mentally ill is probably one of the greatest unsung challenges it will ever meet. To date, not one has done so satisfactorily. They may not ever be able to, making the pathologically unreasonable the ultimate albatross to liberty.

This guy took that whole "let them eat cake" thing way too far. I'm actually surprised this doesn't happen more often in extreme eating competitions.

Leave it to China to take hiking to a completely new extreme. Sorta puts the Appalachia hike into perspective, eh?

Who needs an education when warm-and-fuzzy groupthink works just as well? Somewhere (hopefully an extremely warm undergroundish sort of place) Walter Duranty is smiling.

I've heard guys wanting it "stiff as a rod" before, but this is ridiculous. No hardware near the gear!

Via Mahmood.

Turns out putting fake boobs on your leg tat doesn't work out so well. I can haz infexun?

Had this happened in America, there would be liability lawyers calling him right now:

The unnamed customer from Doncaster, South Yorks, had ordered the display mannequin over the internet mistakenly thinking it was an adult sex toy. He had to use a pair of heavy duty scissors to cut the dummy and set himself free.

Cheekily instead of feeling a right dummy, he then asked for a REFUND from the suppliers but they were said to have “politely refused.”

All aboard the failboat!

Four foot worth of WWI-era German torpedo will definitely put a crimp in anyone's fishing plans, donchaknow? At first I think it's amazing they're still finding explosives from WWI after all this time. Then I remember just how gleefully Europe went at itself during those years, and I wonder why they don't find more.

In the "I honestly didn't know that was a problem" file we have WATCH FOR FALLING MOOSE. Explain that one to the insurance adjuster!

Problem: Precious male snowflake decides on a novel route to avoiding the second grade by insisting on dressing as a girl.

Solution: Not exactly what I'd vote for, at any rate:

An 8-year-old boy is preparing to return to his home school district in Colorado as a girl, so school officials are designating two school restrooms as unisex facilities, and preparing to counsel other students on the issue of transgenderism.

I've known for a long time that the existing public school system structure was fundamentally flawed, but I never thought it would result in something like this. And yet, once you get your head around the incentives that our centrally-planned, government-managed, "progressive" public school systems create, such an outcome is not only logical, but inevitable.

Yet another in the legion of reasons why Milton Friedman's voucher system is so urgently needed.

When some people trash a house, they really go all the way:

A years-old mummified body has been found in a cottage bathtub beneath layers of wood, plastic, dirt and sand, Phoenix police said.

No word yet if it's the former tenant or an unfortunate victim.

I guess it's nice to know the US holds no monopoly on bizarre money scams. I hate the phone so much I just don't answer it if I don't recognize the number. However, I don't run a business, so I have no reason to expect cold-calls out of nowhere. Considering that a successful business owner will already be a pretty savvy person, I can't imagine this particular scam would work all that well. Then again, nobody who turns to a life of crime does so because of an excess of brains. Quite the opposite, in my experience.

This week's "crap literally falls out of an airplane and punches a hole in someone's roof" story is brought to you by Calgary Canada.

It falls through the roof, then you say it, then you do it. Trifecta!

I got no idea what's going on here. From what I'm able to see, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what's going here. What is it with Asians?

Ah, Carnivale. The all-night parties. The elaborately dressed women naked in all the right places. The dancing Hitler on top of a mound of dead Jews.

No, really!

Today's miracle photo-with-story comes to you from the western German city of Ludwigshafen. Tossing babies out of windows is obviously not an optimal solution to rescue, but if it's between that or watching them fry, well, I guess it'd be time to pray the guy on the ground was a good catch.

Lane G. gets a no-prize that proudly waves its hammer and sickle flag for bringing us the latest loopy attempt by the People's Republic of Berkeley to show "We. Are. Relevant!" Reminds me of the old saying, "when God created the United States, he picked up the East coast and shook it once hard, causing all the loose marbles to roll down to California." Seems to me that the further north you go in that state, the further left the landscape leans. Must be something in the water.

Scientists (or rather, "scientists") have announced that what really caused the World Trade Center to collapse was... *shakes magic 8-ball*... directed energy weapons utilizing the Hutchison Effect:

At the end of the first show, a caller said, “This is a revelation beyond revelations…this trumps everything…If this story ever gets out, it will change the course of the United States’ and the whole world’s history.”

Note how the wording of the press release basically rubs your nose in its "trutherness." How could one possibly doubt it? Then, of course, you wake up.

Well, considering how popular truthers are along the fringe, I guess we can only say some of us wake up.

Just in time for Valentine's day, a tampon flower bouquet. I guess everyone needs some sort of hobby, eh?

Strawberry flavored Cheetos, anyone? Olivia, like most kids her age, doesn't have a definition for "too sweet," so she'd probably dive into a bag with both hands. Not being her or Japanese, I'll have to give it a pass.

Via Violins and Starships.

The MSM is justifiably famous for trying to hammer the square peg of truth into the round hole of narrative, but can they carry it too far?

Wait a minute. This is the media we're talking about here. "Going too far" is something that happens to other people.

Why, yes, this foil hat does keep me warm in the winter. Thanks for asking!

Via Instapundit.

Somehow, I wouldn't want a chick who was doing this to then start tinkering with my teeth. Happy gas, meet happy ending!

""When [the nurse] told me there were a couple of layers taken off [his tongue], I thought, 'Oh no, he's on flagpole duty.'"

I've always thought some warm water would do the trick, or maybe trying to warm the pole with your hands to get things unstuck. But I guess, ultimately, the one sure way not to get your tongue stuck to a frozen flagpole is to keep it in your mouth.

Pat gets a no-prize with an inconvenient hole in it for bringing us the tale of the farmer, the crocodile, and the rescuer with poor aim. There's a reason you don't shoot at things that are thrashing around, although I must say if the choice is between a survivable gunshot wound and becoming lunch, well, that's not much of a choice at all.

Dell's latest "prosumer" laptops seem to have a grounding problem. Having recently become the owner of same (merry X-mas to me from me), I can only say it hasn't happened to me yet. The operative word there being, I suppose, yet.

Geeze, Liberia's so screwed up even their genocidal maniacs are ridiculous:

A former warlord known as General Butt Naked has confessed to Liberia’s post-conflict reconciliation commission that his men killed 20,000 people during the country’s civil war.

Insert "banality of evil" quote here...

It's not often you get to watch a crazy person lose it. People think insanity is all this cool/scary raving and swatting at things that aren't there, when in reality insanity is mostly just someone being a complete pain in the ass without ever once admitting it.

Deadly explosions at fireworks factories I expect, but in a winery, not so much. They bubble a lot of CO2, but I can't think off hand just what in wine making would be unstable enough to blow the roof off.

I've had folks around here pull some pretty ballsy moves trying to get me to do PC support on personal items, but I've never had someone try to get me to recover a hard drive full of their child porn. Wouldn't surprise me if he sued them for invasion of privacy. This guy might just get away with something similar.

He's not fat, he's big boned. The only difference between this guy and the monsters who terrorized me in grade school is most likely his language. Bullies, it would seem, can be found across space and time.

No, really, they're calling it "well dying:"

The mock funeral, which aims to get participants to map out a better future by reflecting on their past, is part of a new trend in South Korea called "well-dying." The fad is an extension of "well-being," an English phrase adopted into Korean to describe a growing interest in leading healthier, happier lives.

Complete with wooden coffins, nailed-shut lids, and dirt sprinkled on top. The bonus? Companies are paying to send their employees on well-dying "retreats." Puts a whole new spin on that damned 7 Habits retreat I was force-marched to a long time ago.

Another day, another bunch of oldsters trying to cash a dead friend's Social Security check. New York, 'nach.

I tried, I really did, to figure out the Buddhist angle in this "overcoming gender" essay, but each time I got down around the "gender is a disease" section my head would explode. It was beginning to get messy around here! So I'll leave it all up to you folks (who are demonstrably smarter than I am) to try and figure it out. I'd tell you to come back and explain it all to me, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't understand that either.

Via Violins and Starships.

These things can't possibly be real. If they are, they can't possibly be street legal. I get dizzy looking at the regular spinning wheels. Now they're gonna start talking to me?

Still, the blond is awful nice. Yo yo yo!

Well, All of those who think my rants about how idiotic the MSM is are pleased to be sitting down and shutting up:

AIDS Patients Face Downside of Living Longer

Sensationalist? Our editors?!? I think you overestimate their intelligence.

I guess it's worthy news, after a fashion. It definitely provides evidence that, while AIDS seems to no longer be a death sentence, the cocktail of drugs you take to control it can end up killing you just the same.

Then again, we all gotta die some day, eh?

Via Countercolumn.

While this alarming picture of a great white shark investigating a scientist in a kayak may not be particularly new, I'd certainly never seen it before. And since I am the center of the universe, that means everyone else needs to see it too. So there you go.

Inflated ego? Moi?

I shit you not. They have Zombie Porn.

NSWF! I know all of our horror, Zombie flick lovers out there will be ordering this one!

What a great way to start the holidays:

A little girl thought she was getting an iPod for Christmas but ended up getting a rude surprise. She got the box but when she opened it up, she found a surprising switch: the iPod had been replaced with a bizarre note.

Just from the wording of the note, I'm thinking it'll be someone who wobbled off their meds and decided to communicate their psychic discoveries to the world via creepy notes. It happens more often than you'd think.

I've heard of setting out unwrapped presents under the tree, but this is ridiculous:

A retired businessman is believed to have killed his wife and left her body under the Christmas tree before driving his car off the road and fatally injuring himself.

Yeesh!

Those of you who felt your local office Christmas party was pure hell are pleased to be sitting down and shutting up now:

One zoo visitor was mauled to death and two others severely injured when a Siberian tiger escaped from its grotto at the San Francisco Zoo early Christmas evening and went on a bloody rampage in front of terrified zoo patrons.

Score turned out to be Tiger: 1, Keepers: 1. Since the animal previously mauled someone last year, I'm not feeling much love for "teh kittah."

Huffing and pyrotechnics just don't mix, man. Still, gave me a chuckle to watch, from this distance at any rate.

What have they done to everyone's favorite 80's automotive icon?!? A Ford! Blasphemy!!!

Heh. Like I really care. Still, it was definitely a surprise.

The Blue Man Group is all well and good, but some people can take it just a little too far. Drinking silver in solution does some damned strange things to a person, inside and out.

Ok, I'm a straight guy, so by definition I'm interested in boobs, no matter where no matter what. At least, that's what I thought, until I saw this. Oh, and I don't know just where the author got his definition, but in my book someone with soda can bottoms stuck in his ears and more metal and paint than a Maaco body shop is not what I'd consider a "traditionally manly guy". But that's just me.

All of you people who think radical Christians are worse than radical Muslims are pleased to be sitting down and shutting up now. Children's programming produced by Christian wackos may be teeth-achingly tacky, but at least it doesn't celebrate mass murder.

Fark (of course) linked up news of the creation of the ultimate "stuffed bird" dinner. Not content with just three birds, this dish lays claim to twelve birds stuffed into each other. Incredibly, all of this stuffing-into-things frenzy is apparently inspired by actual Tudor-era recipes. No wonder Henry VIII ended up such a butterball!

All those times the realtor told you it was bad to have a house near utility towers? Sometimes, just sometimes, they may have a point. Still, just how many 1000ft + TV towers are there in the world? And of those, how many might get covered in ice?

Considering what it did to that Honda SUV, I think I'd still stay inside.

There are places which fire simply shouldn't be:

Sweden's welfare board has criticized a hospital in Stockholm after a 40-year-old woman caught fire during a hemorrhoid operation, Aftonbladet reports.

Well, of course by fire I mean the "oh-my-god-is-that-smoke?!?" sort, not the "holy-crap-you-just-ate-a-habanero" kind.

A non-profit think tank concerned with nanotechnology's potential for abuse recently issued a report. The results are pretty much what you'd expect from a bunch like that:

The Center for Responsible Nanotechnology, a non-profit think tank focused on studying the economic, security, military and environmental implications of nanotechology, has developed a series of scenarios dubbed "Nano Tomorrows." And one of those tomorrows involves the cheap and easy proliferation of "fabber," or "Easy-Bake," micro-UAVs with small explosives.

I'm more interested in a fab that'll let me make my own car, but I'm funny that way.

Ron gets a no-prize with a lot of complicated bits on for bringing us a Christmas book for... someone. My own opinion is, if you didn't come with one, you really don't need one. But that's just me.

It's not how a metal ring was removed that was the question, but rather how it got there in the first place. Then again, considering how desperately dumb some men can be when their willy starts to talkin', I guess I shouldn't wonder at all.

Oh, and kudos to Dremel, for yet another use. Is there anything it can't do?

Sick F&*KS

I bring you Star Wars tattoos.

Personally, it wouldn't completely surprise me if an obnoxious documentary film maker managed to find Osama bin Laden. If Osama's intelligence network is good enough to keep him away from our SF squads, it's most likely good enough to figure out four guys from San Fran really are just useful idiots with gear. The members of the peanut gallery with foil hats firmly in place will most likely think otherwise, but that's their problem.

I say, let 'em crash.

So what happens when a colostomy bag removal goes exactly 180 degrees wrong? More or less what you'd expect. Fortunately, there are no pictures included with the article. Yeesh.

Is it just me, or do Europeans seem more afraid of climate change than the wackos in the mosque down the street preaching their destruction:

Dead bodies could be freeze-dried, shaken to a fine powder and used as compost under proposals to introduce a new, more eco-friendly method of corpse disposal to the UK.

The process, which is known as promession, has been developed in Sweden and aims to address the shortage of burial spaces and reduce the mercury pollution created by dental fillings during cremation.

This is not the regular sort of freeze-drying, which can take years on something as big as a body, but rather what I would consider "flash freezing": cooling a body in liquid nitrogen and then making it disintegrate like a block of Styrofoam.

Meh. As long as it's not required, I wouldn't mind it as an alternative to the regular sort of cremation.

It seems the "in-toy" for the season this year is roadkill. Two years ago Olivia wouldn't have cared, they were all just soft fuzzy things she could hug. Now, not so much. So put the charge card down, we're gonna ask you to pass on this one.

Quiet Riot lead singer Kevin Dubrow was found dead yesterday in his Las Vegas home. Celebrity dead pool trifecta now in play.

Redskins safety Sean Taylor has died from a gunshot wound suffered during an apparent break-in of his home early Monday. Like the Redskins needed more bad news.

Ron gets a damned sad no-prize for bringing us the news.

All this girl needed was some hariball remedy!

Say it with us now! BLORK BLORK BLORK BLAAAAAAARRRCHH!!

~Don't forget to do it on carpets, couches and or other nooks and crannies that your human cannot get to.

Alternate title: Insert Meaning of Life Joke Here. Sure, trying to remove a tattoo yourself is painful, messy, and leads to scarring, but think of all the money you save!

Amazingly enough, this "modern toilet" restaurant is located in China, not Japan. I'll let you guys make up the "crappy food" jokes as you like.

Abandoned police headquarters building, anyone? Don't know much about law enforcement, but it seems to me it's most likely against the law for some of that stuff to have been left behind. Then again, it's against the law to break and enter, which is what I guess these guys did to get the pictures. Still, that wouldn't be much of a case for a prosecutor, although of course they've filed worst cases on less. All-in-all, not much of an advertisement for some local government in Michigan, in my opinion.

Lisa gets a no-prize that tries to be so inoffensive you want to strangle it for bringing us the "no ho-ho-ho" Santa training. As bad as it is, it could be worse. This is just good ol' fashioned PC group-think leftover from the early 90s. Much worse are the attempts to strangle native traditions to avoid offending Muslims.

Sometimes I troll uselessly through Wikipedia, killing time and filling my head with what may, at best, help me win Jeopardy some day. Other times, I come up with a truly strange mystery worthy of DaVinci Code treatment. A six hundred year old book completely undecipherable to modern methods, yet elaborate and sophisticated enough to be quite resistant to hoax hypotheses, is the stuff of science fiction. This is the sort of book SF authors use to allow their time-traveling heroes to communicate with their handlers in the future.

The difference, of course, is that this thing is quite real.

Paging Rod Serling, White Courtesy Phone Please...

The article says this giant inflatable vagina was made for some sort of theater production. I'll take their word for it.

Assuming this tale of an orangutan sex slave is true, well hell, let's just all hope it's not, OK?

Unfortunately I'm not holding my breath.

You know, the one where they read the labels on the salsa and then shout, "New York City?!?":

Corporate Welfare is alive and well in the farm subsidies bill. After seeing this article, I zoomed in more closely on Manhattan, just for fun. Here's the shot; red circles are proportional to the size of farm subsidies

Get a rope!

Your Democratic Congress at work!

I thought proselytizing wackos on college campuses went the same way as hair metal and jelly shoes. At least, I only remember them back in the late 80s, when I was an undergrad. They dried up a few years later, I always thought because the frat boys made it too dangerous for them.

Then again, the 80s are back, so why not this too?

Someone forgot to do a final check over the nuclear blueprints Iran just released. You'd think the explicit mention of nuclear warheads in documents released by Iran would have just about everyone else flipping out, but I can find very little mention of it on, say, the Washington Post's website. Am I missing something really basic here?

Keep in mind we're not the only ones damned unhappy with Iran's little pet project. The French have quite explicitly warned Iran it too would take whatever steps necessary to prevent the mullahs from getting their own bomb. Wouldn't it be a surprise if it turned out to be French Typhoons that did the deed?

Via Instapundit.

Robert R. gets a no-prize that wants steak for bringing us this story of a man who decided to atone for killing two dogs by marrying one.

Yes, there's a whole gold mine of marriage jokes in there; No, I'm not going to make a single one of them.

Those wacky Japanese are at it again, this time with a coin bank that "explodes" if it doesn't see activity for a long time. The funny thing is, Japan's mania for saving is widely seen as one of the things dragging the country's economy down.

Great. Just great. Now I gotta worry about the goddamned cruise ship industry:

Pollution from ships, in the form of tiny airborne particles, kills at least 60,000 people each year, says a new study. And unless action is taken quickly to address the problem – such as by switching to cleaner fuels – the death toll will climb, researchers warn.

Premature deaths due to ultra-fine particles spewed out by shops will increase by 40% globally by 2012, the team predicts.

Sensationalist? Our media? Surely you must be joking!

Jimmy Carter, the mediocre president and reasonably decent humanitarian, seems to have added "cat killer" to his resume some time around 1990. Yeah, accidents happen, but why put something like that on display?

While this dishy gossip column about how David Copperfield picks up women at his shows is quite detailed and lurid, I'm thinking it's most likely a hoax. There are just too many people involved, many of whom would've been complete strangers, for this to have been kept secret for any real length of time. In my experience, the chances of a secret getting out go up by the cube of the number of people involved.

Which is not to say he's not a complete nutter. Most successful artists are. I just don't think this particular nuttiness is for real. But I've been wrong before.

Well, I guess in a way it's nice to know that in India, traditionalists find specific kinds of birth defects divine, instead of cursed. Fortunately the child was born in the 21st century, and so has a very good chance of leading a normal life, after the requisite round of surgeries.

Well of course the recent bombing of... something... in Syria was actually the work of US Air Force fighter-bombers dropping tactical nuclear warheads. I mean, come on, don't you people keep up with these things?

If loving Al Jazeera is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Today's "X-ray of knife rammed half-way through a head" story is brought to you by Iraq. Sometimes, it's just not your day to go.

Is that a lion in your front yard, or are you just glad to see me:

Using a video camera and raw chicken, state officials hope to learn whether the king of the jungle is prowling the woods of West Virginia.

Just in time for Halloween!

Of course you know this sort of thing would happen in Florida. Money quote: "Homosexual necrophilia is what the purpose was." Bonus: great "man-on-the-street" interviewing straight out of a Jeff Foxworthy skit.

Well, I guess you're still growing something, even if it does appear to need blood. Mark gets a no-prize shaped like a skinny chick in black for bringing us this great just-in-time Halloween gift.

... Ya gotta go:

If you're stuck in traffic when Mother Nature calls, Japan's Kaneko Sangyo Co has developed the loo for you.

The manufacturer of plastic car accessories drew back the curtain today on its new portable toilet for cars.

Great. Now I'll have to worry about Buffy and her Cell Phone of Doom while she's sitting on the can. Ah well, at the treacly rate traffic moves around here, wouldn't be much more than a tap. And boy, a slosh from that thing'd be just about the best punishment I can think of!

Great! Now I have to start worrying about the trees:

Carnivorous trees grabbing humans and cattle and gobbling them up is not just village folklore.

Residents of Padrame near Kokkoda in Uppinangady forest range sighted one such carnivorous tree trying to dine on a cow last Thursday. According to reports, the cow owned by Anand Gowda had been left to graze in the forests.

That's some serious woody pwnage right there, dude.

I'm not completely sure this astrologer's look at David Copperfield's recent troubles is legit, but it certainly makes for interesting reading. In a, "wha?!?" sort of way, that is.

Hello Kitty-themed AK-47 anyone? Olivia took one look at it and demanded one for Christmas. Said she's gonna shoot bad guys with it. Heh...

Making the rounds: a robotic AAA weapon malfunctioned and ended up killing 9 soldiers. No word yet on whether it was a mechanical or software problem that caused the failure, but anecdotes in the article seem to indicate these weapons have a reputation for flipping out.

Personally, I'd draw the line well before a tattoo needle ever came anywhere near my eye. Other people, not so much. Just when you thought people couldn't get any more extreme...

Just when you think humanity couldn't get any weirder, someone goes and proves you wrong again. I bet he can hear what one hand fapping sounds like a whole lot better now.

Ron gets a dark and scary no-prize for bringing us direct quotes from everyone's favorite Persian presidential loon on Israel, Jews, the US, and the west in general. You only thought he was a wacko.

Thing is, as I understand it anyway, the president is really not all that powerful in Iran. The "Supreme Leader" and the "Council of Guardians," both culled exclusively from the deeply conservative religious establishment, are where the real power is concentrated. In other words, a bunch of hyper-conservative Pat Robertson types with robes on who the western press doesn't even know exist are the people we actually should be paying attention to. They could be more wacky than ol' Pajamamani, they could be less. We just don't know.

Have a happy day!

Of all the loony "jump, dive, and scream" things I've seen, the catapults are the ones I find most appealing. None of that "watch the first step" panic of bungee jumping or sky diving. Then I saw this.

Yeah, even I have my limits. One rule of mine is definitely, "thou shalt not require a parachute to ensure thy safe return." Nice to have as a backup, but not required. Bok bok!

I'm not sure what's more bizarre, finding a mummified leg in a grill you just bought, or getting in a custody battle over it.

Well, if nothing else, it'd give the guy a leg up at the next BBQ shootout.

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the veal!

And all this time I thought flame was one of the first things they taught you to keep away from your package. Kids these days, I tell ya.

Note: video contains much man-ass and a little bit of flaming junk, so probably should call it NSFW.

Things over at Blackwater seem to be going from bad to, well, splat:

"They wouldn't pay me if they knew how much fun this was", a Blackwater contractor to the US military said just before the plane he was flying crashed, killing all six on board.

It's beginning to seem to me that all those Iraqis saying our troops were barreling through their towns shooting people at random were most likely telling the truth, as near they saw it. When a white guy with a gun is shooting at you, identifying whether or not he's a GI or a security grunt kinda takes a back seat, kno'wha'Imeen?

I'll see your taser and raise you a whole electrified jacket. I can't imagine it being particularly affordable.

First flesh eating bacteria, now brain eating amoebas. I used to regularly water ski down the Arkansas river when I was a kid. It's a wonder I survived. Now I think I'll just stick to swimming pools, thankyouverymuch.

Just when you thought Carrot Top couldn't get any weirder looking...

I've never seen his act, but he was all over the damned place in Vegas a few years ago, so it seems he still gets work. Which I guess is obvious, because it probably costs a lot of money to look that strange.

Let's hope this doesn't catch on in the US:

[Middlesex Ontario Provincial Police Const. Doug] Graham said police were aware that kids were taking body sprays, in particular Axe and Tag, spraying them on objects and lighting them on fire, but since Tuesday’s incident at a London-area school they have learned that lighting people ablaze — usually for a split second — is a popular pastime among some teens.

I did my fare share of "Lysol flame-throwing" back in the day, but I never pointed it at anyone. I guess I just missed out.

While this video of a motorcycle-truck collision is sorta fun to watch, I have to think there's more going on here than at first meets the eye. To me at least, it seems likely they practiced this several times to get it just right, and he may not have been in anywhere near as much danger as it would at first appear.

But whaddahell do I know?

Just as well Hajji was a little tight on the trigger with this one. Reminds me of old WWI footage I've seen over the years.

Via Siflay.

There's crowded market places, and then there's crowded market places. You'd think by now they'd build up instead of out onto the tracks, but what do I know?

Intensive care specialist Dr. Lina Pavanelli has concluded that the ailing Pope's April 2 death was caused by what the Catholic Church itself would consider euthanasia. She bases this conclusion on her medical expertise and her own observations of the ailing pontiff on television, as well as press reports and a subsequent book by John Paul's personal physician. The failure to insert a feeding tube into the patient until just a few days before he died accelerated John Paul's death, Pavanelli concludes. Moreover, Pavanelli says she believes that the Pope's doctors dutifully explained the situation to him, and thus she surmises that it was the pontiff himself who likely refused the feeding tube after he'd been twice rushed to the hospital in February and March. Catholics are enjoined to pursue all means to prolong life.

Read entire article here

Well, I guess it's nice to know there are people loony enough to shoot their own hand. And, of course, videotape it. Teh intarnets r wunnerful tings.

Note: SFW, but damned graphic. Keep that dude wherever he happens to be, which I hope is far far away from me.

Ron simply won't be able to resist this one. Yet another reason to drink lagers!

Via Violins and Starships.

I knew a young idiot who swallowed a snake.

He lived, what a fake.

Dedication to education is sending your kids across a wire over a raging river to get to school (with picture). Olivia can be a helluva thrill seeker when the mood strikes her, but I'm not at all sure she'd be up for this. I know I wouldn't.

While I've known for awhile you can dip an entire computer into cooking oil and still have it run, I had no idea the oil would get so hot you could fry things with it. If it's that hot, I'd want more than a disposable baking pan to hold the oil. I wonder how (or even if) the cooling fans coped with the stuff?

I guess when someone like Mozart says, ahem, "Leck mich im Arsch", that makes it respectable, no?

Yeah, I didn't think so either. Still, was worth a try.

Seems like Christmas has come early for some activity Maori groups:

The United States returned the tattooed head of a Maori and bones from 13 others to New Zealand on Monday — the latest repatriation of indigenous remains from overseas museums, a Maori expert said.

Explain that one to the postal inspector!

Over-salted hamburger? Yep, that's an arrest:

A McDonald’s employee spent a night in jail and is facing criminal charges because a police officer’s burger was too salty, so salty that he says it made him sick.

There's definitely something else going on here. Could be an obnoxious employee, could be an obnoxious cop. Hopefully they'll keep at it and find out.

I'm not at all sure "Marry Our Daughter", a site which purports to be "an introduction service assisting those following the Biblical tradition of arranging marriages for their Daughters" is for real or not. It definitely has a whiff of satire about it. Still, if it's not illegal I don't suppose it's much my business. I do, however, reserve the right to think it's creepy.

"Remember, fire is baaad."

When playing with fire, it's always better to have a chemical fire extinguisher handy, instead of a garden hose. And don't believe grampa when he tells you dish washing soap will protect you. It doesn't.

Ya know, when the skin falls off it's time to move on, ok:

It is a devotion that transcends death and social convention, for their mother, Annie, died ten years ago.

Since then, she has been kept in cold storage in a funeral parlour in northwest London. Her body, which was treated originally in formaldehyde, has wasted since then, according to a relative of the sisters.

It gets weirder! No, it does!

Fried goat. It's what your flight's having for dinner:

Officials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday.

The article makes it sound like the sacrifice fixed the plane, but I imagine there are a bunch of wrench monkeys on the flight line who'd have an issue with that.

Besides, if all it took to fix a bit of technology was sending a goat on another spin of the reincarnation wheel, there'd be a run on the damned things wherever exists an IT department. Bet on it.

Via TBIFOC.

For proof that people can swirl a conspiracy about absolutely anything, one only need examine the theories flying around Denver International Airport. Hey man, sometimes I know it feels like the end of the world when you're stuck there for 6 hours, but really, maybe it's time to take your meds on schedule, eh?

Everyone's favorite air strike target loopy slap happy president is at it again:

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has sought to justify his confidence the United States will not attack Iran, saying the proof comes from his mathematical skills as an engineer and faith in God, the press reported on Monday.

Engineers are rightly famous for their habit of assuming they're experts at everything because they're experts at one thing*. I just didn't think one would manage to float this far to the top. Guess the pool's not all that deep, eh?

Via Yourish.

---
* The Pocket Protector Principle, if you will.

Lord bless Wikipedia, without which we would never have learned about the late and unlamented sport of "fox tossing." It's exactly what you think it is. Monty Python is turning out to be more of a history class than I'd ever thought (or feared) it would be.

It's official. You can now order absolutely anything from Amazon. Fresh rabbit from teh intarnets. Whodathunkit?

Chupacabra in Texas!

They just don't herd cattle anymore.

With picture goodness!

It would seem there's a FAQ on public restroom sex. Who knew? If this stuff is for real, it would seem the Gentleman from Idaho was doing much more than "widening" his stance.

Introducing PCOS: yet another weird thing that can go wrong with women:

During her sophomore year of high school, Jennifer Robidoux noticed a series of strange things happening to her body. She gained 35 pounds in one year. Thick, dark hair started to sprout from her chin, cheeks and stomach, and her period stopped for six months.
...
Two years later, Robidoux learned she had polycystic ovary syndrome, a condition that stops regular ovulation, triggers an increase in masculinizing hormones and is a leading cause of infertility. PCOS gets its name from the small ovarian cysts commonly seen in patients. The syndrome now affects one in 15 women worldwide, according to a recent report by Australian researchers. The report predicts that as obesity rates increase, so will cases of PCOS.

Wtf? Who ordered that?

The more you know...

For further proof of George Lucas's marketing genius, one need only read about the original lightsaber prop being given a ride on the next Space Shuttle mission. Like they all got nothing better to do! Let me tell you, those kids he adopted? Now that, my friend, is what's known as hitting the lottery. He's going to leave one helluva inheritance, s'all I'm saying.

No, really, when pets attack:

A man who lived in his own “zoo” of lizards and insects was fatally bitten by a pet black widow spider — then eaten by the other creepy-crawlies.

Don't worry Grammas, Ellen's not allowed to have poisonous critters.

You know when the clip starts out with, "now he's gonna break something else," it's not going to end well. All things considered, I'm pretty sure I'm glad they didn't roll him over before the clip ended.

This has to be one of the weirdest cases of IM "love and lies" I've ever heard about. An old man makes up a teenage identity. Yeah, ok. Gets a different teen to fall for him. Happens all the time. Then it goes all pear-shaped. Be sure to stick with it to the end, there's one helluva twist before it's over.

Seems to me only the Japanese would be capable of this. Everywhere else there'd be mass hysteria, riots, and hell probably a few drownings. There everyone just crams together and giggles along. Now that's one pool of water I definitely wouldn't want to get up my nose.

After being lost for sixty-plus years, a group of airmen who crashed in the Sierra Nevada mountains seem to have been found. From the report, it appears two of the four have been recovered from their forlorn grave site. Now that the location is better understood, it would seem to only be a matter of time before the other two are found.

In Soviet Russia Islamic nation, weapon fires you. There's a reason why you have to be trained to use a mortar, and why they're so ineffective when Hajji uses them. If we're lucky, it got the cameraman too.

Via Countercolumn.

Naked, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Mark gets a no-prize that'll eat him if he gives it a chance for bringing us an abject lesson in why bears and drunks don't mix.

...Not just a drink!

Problem: thousands of stray dogs clog the streets of your cities, some of them dangerously aggressive and prone to rabies.

Solution: MMmm... soup:

New Delhi's stray dogs lead a difficult life. But if it was up to one city councilor, they would find themselves in more hot water -- soup, to be precise.

Shipping the thousands of strays to Korea, where dog meat is widely consumed in soup, was one of the more outlandish ideas proposed at a city council meeting to deal with the problem, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported Thursday.

When a quote from a city councilman in a country half way across the globe makes it to the front page of a major news service, you know you've got a slow news day on your hands.

I can't help but think this "world's creepiest children's book is a hoax. Kid's books for teen problems? Then again, considering how f'd up the world seems sometimes, I wonder...

A Dutch bishop has publicly called for God to be referred to as Allah during Christian services. The reaction was, to the credit of the Dutch, almost exactly what your reaction was just now. How such a complete nutball ended up in such a position of power is rather a mystery to me. Then again, most things Catholic are.

Guns don't shoot people... turtles shoot people. Funny enough, this didn't happen in the south. From what I understand, there's not much else to do in the state it in which it did happen.

I'm just sayin'...

While everyone's playing up the cynical "make it prettier so it's more marketable" aspect of the Church of Death's change to its patron saint's image, I find the whole concept of the church rather fascinating. Not in a, "oh lord I just talked him out of a Buddha statue in the yard now what" way, but in a, "wow, what an interesting idea" way. Could this be a re-casting of LeVey's Church of Satan, filtered through the unique experiences of Catholic Mexico?

I dunno, while this curricula of a Christian high school math department makes for some unintentionally surreal reading, I can't help but wonder. The secular schools have made a damned big mess of things, and if these kids actually learn from these courses, why not?

In my opinion, the truth is as long as you know the basics, have the discipline and motivation to apply yourself, and the tools needed to learn the hard stuff, the rest is just decoration. Meh, their kids, their money, their business.

While This new traffic cam footage of the ramps to the collapsed Minneapolis bridge isn't as spectacular as the security cam, it does graphically demonstrate how the bridge had been choked down to just 2 lanes because of construction. Fewer lanes meant fewer cars, which probably explains at least part of the (IMO) low injury and death count in the disaster.

I still can't believe less than a dozen people died in this thing.

Cranky old men + hornets nest + gasoline = boom! I am rather surprised the nest made it through unharmed. Fireballs tend to be pretty effective against, well, against most things actually. He's lucky he only lost his eyebrows!

Of course the MN bridge collapse was caused by a secret US military sonic weapons test! I mean, Jumpin' Jesus on a Pogo Stick... get with the program people, willya? And hand me that foil hat, mine fell off when the bridge hit the water.

Via Drumwaster.

Night-vision equipped cannon: 1, Bomb-planting Haji: 0 Video contains some loud cursing at the end, and while it's not blood-and-guts graphic, it does clearly display what happens when someone gets busted planting an IED in Iraq. Unfortunately, it's my understanding these bomb-planters are not much more than patsies, looking for a quick buck. The ones we really want are the builders and the leaders. Still, that was definitely one less bomb and bomb-planter our guys had to worry about that night.

I had a feeling video of the Minneapolis bridge collapse wouldn't be long in coming. From what I can see, it looks like perhaps a dozen or more cars went into the water. It will be a miracle if only (at my last check) 4 people were killed in this.

Bridges don't "just" collapse. Something, probably a whole chain of somethings, went very wrong here.

Australian security officials are claiming Second Life and World of Warcraft are being used to recruit and train terrorists. I would've thought a more realistic multiplay shooter like Counter Strike would've been more useful, but what do I know?

Of course, this assumes we would want to sleep with them:

A new phenomenon in New Zealand is taking the idea of you are what you eat to the extreme.

Vegansexuals are people who do not eat any meat or animal products, and who choose not to be sexually intimate with non-vegan partners whose bodies, they say, are made up of dead animals.

Considering the looks of the couple featured in the article, doesn't seem to me to be much of a loss. Besides, I thought vegans didn't like being around people who eat meat because they smelled funny.

And that's another thing... I mean, if the milk comes from a free-ranging cow who's destined to live a long life of pleasant munching and farting, why not drink it? Yeah, yeah, I know, we're talking fringe-left politics, not facts. Expecting these people to be rational is like expecting a fair hearing of evolution in a creationist museum. But still...

Via Misha.

Alternate title: paging Tim Allen, white courtesy phone please:

A consignment of potentially deadly petrol-powered roller skates have been impounded amid fears they could end up being used on the streets.

The adapted inline roller blades travel at speeds of up to 20mph with no way of braking and could explode in an accident, Trading Standards said.

Now that's a party, folks!

Considering my skills with the regular sort of in-line skates, I think I'll have to give these a pass. But if you pick up a pair be sure to send some video of your stunts!

What would we do without athletes and the screw-ups they perform on national TV? This time with personal-injury goodness!

No, really! giant jumping sturgeons:

Boaters and other watercraft riders are being hit and injured by giant jumping sturgeons at record pace within a 40-mile stretch of water in Florida.

The fish can grow to enormous size, so getting hit by one is not something to put on your to-do list. Explain that one to the insurance company!

An "amateur scholar" claims to have found a secret image hidden in Da Vinci's famous painting, "The Last Supper. By superimposing a reverse image of the painting onto the original, he claims to have found an image that includes a Templar knight and another individual holding a baby.

Unfortunately no examples are provided. You'd think someone over at MSNBC would have a copy of Photoshop handy, eh? To me, sounds like something along the lines of the Jesus Toast, but I'm a hard-bitten old cynic. Now get off my lawn.

Always remember folks, no matter how weird you think you are there's always someone out there who'll make you look like Ned Flanders:

Here’s a good case-study on both the creepiness and the pitifulness of the Furry Community. Meet Nekobe, the skeeviest furry ever. Wearing a filth-encrusted tiger outfit as his second skin, Nekobe — aka Bart Bervoets — is a toothless homosexual who has had unprotected anal sex with, by his own admission, “hundreds” of other people. He’s so creepy and insane that the furry community has put together an entire site to warn people about him.

Site has graphic descriptions, which may require mental bleach, but seems safe enough for work.

Meet Oscar, the fuzzy feline harbinger of doom! Now I know why mine are always laying on our bed watching me. They're just not as good at it as this one is.

I thought I'd heard of it all until Liz found a scam that involves a freaking reality TV show. Getting college kids to work really awful jobs nearly for free just on the off chance they'll end up on TV is damned devious. Unfortunately I'm not sure it's illegal. Another thing to file away for when Olivia is old enough to have her own checking account.

Looks like Lindsay Lohan is going to be the next tenant at the Paris Hilton LA Jail suite. There. We've mentioned it once. We will now go into "I officially don't give a crap" mode on this story.

I'm sure portraits made of chewed bubble gum are art, of some kind. I'm just not sure what sort of art it'd be. None for our house, Olivia would be picking it apart in moments.

For today's serving of "Those Arabs and Their Wacky Safety Regs" we have road skating. At least this bunch doesn't have explosive belts tied around them. For now, at any rate.

We just wanted to announced that crocodiles waking up with your hand in their mouth is bad mmkay?

Note: article contains very graphic, "look what the cat croc dragged in" picture. SFW, I suppose, but not particularly nice.

Lisa gets a no-prize that'll turn her off of hamburger for awhile for bringing us this rather grisly, albeit suitably bizarre, tale.

I was grateful, but a little puzzled, at the sudden pop of the boy band balloon. Seems that some of the reason behind it is the engine behind the movement has been tossed in the pokey.

Problem: Your economic (mis)management has created inflation reaching 60,000%, making prices so high they have zeros falling off the end.

Solution: Wal Mart-ize the prices, and arrest any shopkeeper who wants to stay in business.

Mugabe's in his 80s now, but he's done such deep and lasting damage to the country even if he died tomorrow it'll take decades to dig it out, and even then only if absolutely everything holds together and is done right. Considering most of Africa's governmental track record, that seems a vain hope indeed.

Unfortunately there are far too many of you out there who think simply commanding prices to be set really is a valid way to manage an economy. If that thought has ever even skittered across your radar screen (say, at a gas pump) watch Zimbabwe carefully, and learn.

Via Econlog.

Making the rounds: quarterback Michael Vick has been indicted by a federal grand jury in a lurid dogfighting scandal. Comes complete with tales of vicious cruelty!

I enjoy watching NFL football in part because the players are distinctive and colorful. Sometimes I just wish they'd be slightly less so.

What's about four feet long, can weigh over a hundred pounds, and swims? I don't know either, but Siflay does, and he includes some very impressive pictures of said monster of the deep. Hell he even links up advice for keeping one in a (very large) tank.

No, Ellen, you definitely can't have one!

Those who worry China isn't taking their tainted export foods problem seriously can now breathe easy:

China executed the former head of its food and drug watchdog yesterday for approving untested medicine in exchange for cash, the strongest signal yet from Beijing that it is serious about tackling its product safety crisis.

During Zheng Xiaoyu's tenure as head of the state food and drug administration from 1997 to 2006, the agency approved six medicines that turned out to be fake. One antibiotic caused the deaths of at least 10 people.

Because this guy, you know, isn't. Breathing, that is.

Via TSO.

Hey Achmed, there's something fishy about that squirrel over there:

Police in Iran are reported to have taken 14 squirrels into custody - because they are suspected of spying.

The rodents were found near the Iranian border allegedly equipped with eavesdropping devices.

I expect this thing to have been proven a hoax in a day or two, but for now it's fun to think these guys are really that loopy. Well, until you consider how much they want their own bomb.

That there's what we call a "comprehensive meltdown." Looks like something important let go, and then when he tried to start it again broken fuel lines and an electric fuel pump did the rest. It's a wonder nobody got barbecued.

Here's to third world sporting even safety standards!

No, really, when bikini wax attacks:

'Brazilian' bikini waxes are increasingly popular among women who live nowhere near the bikini-clad beaches of Rio de Janeiro. For one 20-year-old woman in Melbourne, Australia, this routine procedure nearly took her life.

Turns out she's a poorly managed diabetic who, from the article, sounds like she's got a whole lot of other issues which combine to suppress her immune system and make her more susceptible to infection, which the ol' b.b.w gave her. It's just as well there are no pictures. Something tells me this one's not likely to be a keeper.

Leave it to the Japanese to take a simple concept like "air guitar" and run it straight through weird right out the other side into silly surreality. Sometimes things just don't need much translation.

While I definitely enjoy air travel for its own sake, trying to optimize the whole thing so as to maximize airmiles seems a little extreme to me. Maybe when I was single, it would've held more appeal?

Ron gets a no-prize that'll scare little children for bringing us the latest in Grim Reaper automotive style. With a center of gravity that high, I'd be more than a little nervous taking it around a cloverleaf at speed.

No Ellen, you can't have one.

Wrecking ball: 4, POS Ford: 0. Explain that one to the insurance adjuster!

There's party leftovers, then there's party leftovers:

A Belgian man appeared in court on Friday after a woman at his dinner party found the bodies of his wife and stepson in the freezer as she put away the leftovers, prosecutors said.

Yet another argument for an open bar at the reception, and for only letting the most lit guest put things away in the freezer. You may not find the cake in the morning, but they may not spot the bodies that evening!

Leave it to the Japanese to take asceticism to a fanatically looney extreme. Considering there seem to have only been twenty-eight recorded instances of "self-mummification" in nearly 1000 years, it's not like just anyone was able to take some eight years to transform themselves from a (presumably) healthy person to a quite dead mummy. Take that, all you Christo & Islamo loons!

I'm not sure what the hell this is, but the artwork is certainly interesting. Macabre and grotesque, but also interesting. Anybody speak Russian?

Rockets do a lot of things well, but bouncing isn't one of them.

Olivia, while watching over my shoulder, "Daddy, what happened?"

"The rocket launched, and then it fell down and crashed."

"Yeah. They're gonna have to fix that."

50 mph, in a wheelchair, stuck in the grill of a semi truck. Amazingly, nobody got hurt.

Yeah Mark, you are f&^$'d up.

Iz Nazty.

International environmental movements are calling on China to sharply limit its tiger farming industry. In other news, China has tiger farms.

I'm definitely of two minds about this. While I personally find the concept of raising tigers specifically to harvest their bits distasteful, if a percentage of the profits could somehow be funneled into conservation efforts for the wild ones I can't really categorically state I'm against it. I mean really, how different is this from, say, a cattle farm?

The very existence of a legal, reliable source of tiger parts to help keep superstitious Asian wangs at full-mast will considerably ease the pressure on wild populations. After all, if the market is allowed to work the domestic stuff will inevitably be cheaper. Why trek through the jungle when you just have to pay a visit to farmer Ming to get what you want?

Introducing the Lilac Chaser, a new-ish (well, to me anyway) and fun optical illusion. Most of the time these sorts of things don't work for me, especially those "stare at it and see the pattern" things, but this one worked right off the bat.

Cucumber flavored soda, anyone? No more making fun of Olivia's fruit punch and grapefruit sodas, eh?

Kiwi flavored sausage, anyone? No, really! Soon to be featured at a San Francisco sporting event near you!*

----
* Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Well, I don't really like them all that much, but I do think they're interesting. As long as they stay on that side of the TV, that is. The article includes the first video I've ever seen of a goliath spider in the wild. Reason Never to Visit the Rain Forest # 423, far as I'm concerned.

Hippos keep a strict watch over their territories and threaten anyone who invade them. Their teeth are as sharp as razor blades and they kill more people than any other African animal. Despite this, they are actually vegetarians and feed exclusively on grass.

Read the entire article with picture goodness here.

you happen to be stacked on top of someone you don'tlike?

On the web site you can find: -- Peoples stories, both those of voice hearers and people who work with voice hearers as well as stories of hope and recovery.

-- A challenge to the medical model and ideas psychiatry has about voices as well as information about a more empowering and helpful alternative.

-- Information about the work and the contact details for all of the hearing voices groups and networks working across the world.

-- Information about research and publications on this new ways of thinking and working.

-- A news service, an events calender and a links page to other helpful organizations and sites.

I shit you not, this is a real site.

And in the "slow news day" department we have the announcement of an expedition to find the hole that leads to the center of the Earth. No, really!

The alpha boar, which weighed 75st (477kg) and measured 9ft 4in (2.8 metres), has been declared the new Goliath of the hog world, making Hogzilla, a 57st specimen killed in Georgia in 2004, look like Piglet by comparison. It has now been turned into sausages – 2,800 of them.

PIXES!

I could have titled this "Hog Kills Hog", but that would cause an uproar. No wait, I just did. My blog, bite me. Perhaps he needs to exercise his body a bit more than sitting still in a tree waiting for animals to pass on by.

No-Prize! to Nina for the submission!

And the latest entry in the "Captain Obvious" file is news that Cannes film-goers find a film documenting bestiality is shocking. With quotes like, "the men heard in the film are remarkably honest about their motivations. One of them argues "mammal to mammal" love should not be seen as wrong." And, "another firmly rejects the tag "bad person" his employer lays upon him before he is sacked. They all say the horses were willing participants. " you just can't go wrong, I guess.

'Scuse me, I need to go shower.

This has got to be the dumbest quote yet:

Ambulance spokeswoman Helen Robinson said: “The injuries were so severe that the woman was already dead at the scene.”

OK now look up at the Title of this story. Ya think?

Read asinine article here.

Do these things have bullseyes painted on them?

A millionaire businessman is suing a bus company, claiming a bungling driver caused more than £300,000 of damage to his rare Ferrari Enzo.

Property tycoon Frank Mountain has issued a High Court writ after his 220mph supercar was hit by the bus in one of the most expensive prangs in motoring history.

From the pictures, it doesn't look like it was totaled, but still. And trust me, this guy is almost certainly out-of-pocket for this. Most insurers will hang up before you even finish the word, "Ferrari." They all will on a model this expensive and rare.

All those people across the pond who make fun of American schools that don't teach evolution for fear of upsetting a few religious nuts are pleased to be sitting down and shutting the hell up now:

[UK] schools are dropping the Holocaust from history lessons to avoid offending Muslim pupils, a Government backed study has revealed.

Of course, they haven't tried to formally ban the teaching, so I guess we're still one up on that. Comfort's not so nice when it's cold, is it?

Monstrous armored freshwater fish, anyone? Gar always scared the heck out of my brother and me when we were kids fishing on the Arkansas river, and I can't recall ever seeing one much bigger than 2 or 3 feet. If I had any idea they could get that big I probably would never have gone near the water.

Alternative title: when vegans attack:

An adult who was well-nourished in utero and in infancy may choose to get by on a vegan diet, but babies are built from protein, calcium, cholesterol and fish oil. Children fed only plants will not get the precious things they need to live and grow.

We have a few relatives who are vegans, as I understand it quite hard-line at that. Should they decide to ever have children, I do hope they take a cue from the world's oldest vegetarians and add dairy and eggs to their diet. If both are organically raised, it would seem to me an adequate "cover" to maintaining one's vegan credentials.

Ron gets a no-prize he better keep in the closet for bringing us this documentary clip about a boy and his doll. Realdoll, that is. This is possibly the first time I had to look away from a video that didn't have blood and guts in it. Video is SFW, if not for stomach.

In fact, it's so over-the-top creepy, I have a sneaking suspicion it might be a hoax. If it is, it's a pretty good one. *shudder*

... lawnmowers kill people. Let this be a reminder to everyone: if someone around you grabs a high-voltage line, they will not be able to let go and you must not touch them with your hands, or anything conductive, otherwise the electricity will get you too. Grab a broom handle, a stick, a (wooden!) bat, a board... anything non-conductive, and use that to push them off instead.

I've gotten popped a few times in my life, but have always been fortunate that the electricity "bounced" me off instead of locking me on. Very dangerous stuff if not handled with care!

Libertarian National Socialist Green Party. I always knew they were green on the outside, red on the inside. I just didn't expect the seeds to sometimes be shaped like swastikas. This was just too much, but research seems to indicate it's not a hoax.

Insert Blues Brothers reference here...

30 foot jump into a kiddie pool full of water, anyone? I thought the Guinness Book people had lon