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I guess I'm happy that nobody this famous ever signed one of my yearbooks. I grew up in a small town, though. Kind of a "law of averages" sort of thing.
Oh Lord, bless this, thy Wikipedia without which I would never have known about the Dyatlov Pass Incident, a mystery so incredibly creepy to me it took three tries just to get through the "Wikipedia dry-as-dust" article. Wandering campers, radiation, mysterious injuries, and enigmatic photographs, this story has 'em all. Think Blair Witch, only real, and, you know... Russified.
Taking that whole "blazing speed" all wrong: a fire in an F-1 garage has the organization re-examining safety and storage procedures. An hour after their first win in almost eight years, something in the Williams garage caught fire and basically destroyed it. Fortunately nobody was seriously injured.
Making the rounds: a Chinese developer decided to upgrade an existing apartment block with an underground parking garage. And yes, even in the US it's considered a "best practice" to dig a big hole BEFORE you put a heavy building on top of it. Nope, I wouldn't want to live in a Chinese-built apartment that this was happening to, either.
Oh yes, by all means, the Tea Party is absolutely violent menace haunting the country. I know I'm not changing anyone's mind. Four years of "bad luck" has done that job far better than I ever could. See you this November!
Steal your iPhone? that's a shootin'. What's not clear from the article is whether or not they'd managed to find the right room. That'd be just my luck, chilling in a Super 8 and having some maniac shoot the room up looking for the hooker who stole his phone. Ellen, on the other hand... well, to be honest she never lets her phone get far enough away from her for it to be stolen. The external heart has a distance function, it seems.
Making the rounds: it's pretty scary to catch a big great white shark on your line; it's scarier still when a bigger shark starts nibbling on it. Pictures are gruesome but not overly so. As if I needed any more reasons to stay out of the waters off an Australian beach...
Well, I guess if your two wives have to meet each other and your girlfriend, then having it happen at your funeral is the way to go. Bonus: they each brought one of his kids to the ceremony, and now everyone's fighting over who gets what.
Our parents threatened, these parents went through with it: couple arrested after 911 call reporting them strapping their kids to the hood of a car. Worst my dad ever did was force us into the back of a pickup truck, which contained a redneck set of seats (with seatbelts) for just such an occasion. I think he got them from a boat or something. Good times!
The end is nigh: Japanese "Lolita fashion" is taking hold in Mexico. A fashion developed for rich, spoiled, stick-thin girls to impress twisted old Asian men, transplanted to good middle-class Catholic girls with healthy appetites. Yeah. Can you say, "poor fit?" I knew you could...
A Greeneville, Tennessee man has been reported as defending his sister from an attacker by killing him with... a frying pan. I've had a 12" cast-iron Lodge frying pan for about twelve years now. I think it weighs north of seven pounds. If I got a good swing going I have no doubt the thing would crush a skull like an egg. So, let's all file this one under, "they only get up from a hit like that in the cartoons" file, and move on.
That'll be Octopus: 1, Sky Rat: 0. Apparently these things can weigh upwards of 150 lbs full-grown, so it's more than capable of taking down a rat with wings. Heck, I'm still a little puzzled why they don't take the occasional diver.
An Austin, Texas man has been arrested for murder using an electric guitar. Not surprisingly, alcohol and unwanted sexual advances were involved. No, I'm not saying that makes it OK, quite the opposite. People need to learn to keep their hands to themselves and back the hell off when told.
I'm pretty sure SPF 100 won't do much good here: two teen girls who fell asleep while (apparently) sunbathing in the middle of a road had to be taken to a hospital after getting hit by a car. Bonus: it was the cousin of one of the girls who ran them over. Just when you thought teenagers couldn't get any dumber...
An Australian billionaire has announced the intention to build "Titanic-II." Billed as the ultimate "retro-mod," the ship is meant to be externally identical to the original, albeit with a proper number of lifeboats. It's not clear just how faithful the interior design will be, since the demand for rustic six-to-a-cabin 3rd class bunking has rather declined in the past 100 years.
A series of reforms in Egypt makes it legal for a husband to have sex with his dead wife for up to six hours after death. Remember how Bill Engvall made fun of stupid signs because you knew people were doing them? Yeah, about that.
Can I get a, "EWWW GROSS!!!" around here?
It's all fun and games until someone tries to bite your willy off. I'm calling shenanigans on this one. I've been in my fair share of arguments with ladies over the years, and at no point has it ever happened that they've gotten close enough to my bits to be a danger.
Members of a boy band touring Australia may end up getting a shot from the clap. Kicker: if they did get it, they got it from a Koala. I'll be damned. Even the cute-and-cuddly critters in Australia are actively trying to kill people.
An actor portraying Judas in a passion play in Brazil accidentally died during a suicide scene. I've always been a bit squeamish about those sorts of scenes for precisely this reason. Were I an actor, I'm not sure I could be convinced of the safety of something that dramatic.
And now, a spider big and ambitious enough to take down a tree snake. With pictures! Fortunately Ellen (so far) doesn't want one. Not that she could have it. I'm actually very pleased this is an Australian native. I'm thinking that's JUST far enough away.
Yeah, I think I'd probably be a little surprised, too: a man watching porn "for the first time" discovers his wife is the star. And that's just the first story. You get to guess where this is all happening, with the hint: the first guy is identified as "Ramadan." Hey, it's in the newspaper! It's gotta be true!
Having solve all other sommelier-related problems, California vinters have quietly expanded marijuana-laced wine production. I dunno. Just doesn't seem like it would taste all that good. Then again, I have a suspicion that taste is not exactly the point.
Now I have another reason to avoid those sample trays. Well, aside from the fact that Olivia tends to clean them out before her parents even realize they're there. As a recovering picky eater, I avoid them just on general principles for the most part.
Ah! I get it now! Since your side is *for* big government, slut shaming is A-OK. Whatever it takes to make sure we're not paying attention to the economy, I guess.
And the NFL's latest attempt to curb unruly fan behavior is... to make them take a course about it. I always wondered if anyone could come up with a course more useless than the ones the state forces you to take to get out of a traffic ticket. I now have my answer.
Boobs? Boobs are so common, darling. What you really want is a bigger chin. Yes, chin. Just when you thought women couldn't get any more incomprehensible...
A dozen Secret Service agents have been suspended, the cause definitely might but might not involve Colombian hookers. If they look like Sofia Vergara, I can see how that might happen. That said, if they looked like SV they probably wouldn't be hookers.
"AMCGLTD," we hear you ask, "is it possible to spruce up the ol' vah-jay-jay? It is awfully dark down there." Take heart, woman of deeply tanned nether regions, we're here to help! I know it'll take India a long, long while before they knock Japan off its king-of-weirdness pedestal, but gosh this is a darned good start.
I'll give her this, Courtney Love is entertaining when she falls off the wagon near a smart phone. Unfortunately her latest rant seems to be about as connected to reality as she is. It must be pretty tough when your own kid "divorces" you. I wonder if Dave can sue for libel? Probably wouldn't be worth the chaos. It usually doesn't pay to mess around with crazy.
Today's UFO story involves those clever bastards at NASA, again. I tell ya, if it's not faking up a moon landing it's covering up a GEM. We need to give these people more things to do.
Those of you wondering what could ever top deep-fried Oreo cookies should prepare to be amazed. I wonder what sort of pan is required to make that work?
Today's UFO sighting comes courtesy of a plane flying over Seoul, Korea. This time it looks like a balloon to me. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure last time it looked like a balloon, as well. Those things do get around a lot, don't they?
Looks like there's more than one weird, abandoned war memorial in the former Eastern Bloc. You'd think someone would care about these things. Then again, how many majestic Gothic churches have "horse barn/storage shed" in their resume? Hell, the Turks used the Parthenon as an ammo dump.
A Japanese trawler cut free by last year's tsunami has been found drifting off the west coast of Canada. The vessel is just one of the first, more prominent, bits of flotsam from the disaster to show up off the coasts of North America. Various other bits of junk, and probably a few more ships, are expected to make their way to shore over the next year.
Sometimes there's no improving the lede, again: Swedish twins go crazy, developsuperpowers, and kill a man; no drugs or explanation found. Very relevant, since that pilot who wigged out on that JetBlue flight is still very much in the news. At least he didn't manage to kill anyone, albeit it seems not from a lack of trying. Or, you know, "trei-ing."
Rick K. gets a golden-eared no-prize for bringing us another example of why hi-fi audio is the wackiest of all man's hobbies. If I'm paying that much for something, I better be able to live in it.
Today's "shopped or not" entry is all about UFO love. The first part absolutely looks 'shopped to me. The zoom and shake just do not appear natural, more like something you'd get if you used a "zoom and shake" feature on a CGI editor. The rest of it just looks like a balloon. And you'd be surprised how common it is to see balloons of all sort in the sky. When I was flying my mini-chopper regularly I'd usually see one or two every time I flew.
Sometimes the lede says it all: A vicar claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on to the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude. What in the world is up with these people? Remember, folks, it's the 21st century. A dildo is just one website order away!
Remember that story about Zimmerman having no evidence of injury on police security videos? Oh, you had to have seen it, it's been the top story on Google news all day. Except, if you check just now, it's not. It's disappeared completely. Now, isn't that a strange thing? And yes, even to me it very much looks like ABC was messing with the video to ensure that a worrying wound-like mark on Zimmerman's head is hidden behind some graphics.
I mean, I expect them to pull these sorts of stunts for Obama, that's politics for God's sake. I don't pretend to know what actually happened on that terrible night, but I am now officially putting all the MSM's reporting on a mental shelf labeled, "FICTION."
Why, no wonder I never engaged in any office romances when I was single. It never occurred to me I'd need to mark the chairs they were sitting on first. And when I say "mark," I'm not talking about the thing you do with a pen or a sticky note. Of course, the guy works in IT, natch.
A mysterious human leg that washed up on a Florida beach in December has been identified as belonging to a missing, and presumed dead, local woman. Exactly where the rest of her, and her companion, is is still a mystery. Bonus: the lady's brother checked on her apartment in January only to find a tree with presents still wrapped under it.
A Taiwanese woman has committed suicide while actively chatting on Facebook. Lighting up a charcoal grill inside your room with the windows shut will let you do that, it seems. I don't try to keep Ellen away from Facebook for fear of this sort of thing. As long as she can tap on it using her external heart ... phone or her true love... computer, she's fine.
They've definitely found something in Siberia. You'd think people would know it's Bad News to go digging weird bits of metal out of the snow by now, but maybe The Thing never got all that far into Siberia. Me, I think it looks like a bulkhead of some sort.
It's nice to know my side's not the only one who can cough up the ball. Although, of course, if your primary news sources are mainstream or otherwise unrelated to the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, you'd be hard pressed to tell. So, which is worse, a candidate's assistant doing something dumb with an Etch-a-Sketch, or the President of the United States offering concessions to a rival in return for "some space?" It'll be interesting to watch the MSM cover his butt on this one. It always is interesting watching rail yard workers clean up a train wreck.
Looks like another video of "bigfoot" has surfaced. Bonus: includes "de-shake-ified" version using a really nifty technique to show us it's still not a particularly clear video. Or, you know, a particularly well done fake.
We somehow missed the "viral picture" of a motorcycle cop's feet sticking out of the back of a BMW convertible, but it turns out the story behind it, and the aftermath, are much more interesting. All those people who complain about privacy violations because of the ubiquity of cameras need to think hard about this case. If this had happened 25 years ago, that cop would've gotten away with it.
Rick gets the coveted "face-palm" no-prize for bringing us news that a middle school teacher turned his class into an opposition research team for the Obama campaign. But it was ok, since they only had to look up where they were supposed to send their findings, not actually send them. That makes it completely acceptable. And right here in Fairfax county, too!
Now men get to have fun too: Walgreens is now carrying a fake vah jay-jay for purchase on its website. I'm not completely sure how it works, but I am completely sure I don't want to know. Best Fark comment: "$78 may seem high for fake p- but it's cheaper than all the real p- i'm not getting."
Mike J. gets a nice, fresh, watermelon-shaped no-prize for bringing us the latest green call for one world government. Glenn, who's followed these things longer and more carefully than I have, just started laughing, so I'm figuring this'll likely give the hardcore greens the vapors for a few days and then fade away. Nice to see SciAm limping around, though.
That'll be Mrs. Plumb, on the deck, with a chainsaw. Desperate depression leads to desperate measures, but I thought women were the ones who wanted to go quietly in full makeup wearing a nice dress. I guess there're exceptions for everything.
Reason I don't ever want to be a farmer #28: mysterious explosions on hog farms have scientists stumped. No, the hogs themselves aren't going "bang," that would actually be better than what's actually happening. Four words: foam covered manure pit.
A pair of preteen girls in China committed suicide in part as an attempt at time travel. At least, that's what the article says. Since they're citing a Chinese-language story, who knows? It might be that they were running late or something.
A Georgia woman spent a harrowing few hours stuck when she fell down a garbage chute. Seems she was trying to grab her cellphone, which she'd accidentally dropped. Ellen would've freaking flown down something like that if her baby were actually at risk. No, not the one going to school today, the one that hooks to a charger and rings when people call it.
Usually it works the other way around: airline flight forced to return to gate due to a disruptive flight attendant. They're union, so it may be harder to get rid of the person than you'd at first think. Me, I think the phrase, "alcohol involved" will pop up eventually as the story unfolds. Nothing else makes much sense.
To what I'm sure is the consternation of breast cancer groups and little girls all over the world, it turns out the color pink doesn't actually exist. Science: coming up with b-s answers to questions we didn't realize needed asking just to frak with our day for 450 years.
By taking the waves of seismic data and speeding them up into the range of human hearing, scientists have put a new spin on the 2011 earthquake in Japan. Play the clips as they're shown on the article, not as their numbered. The titled as first seems to have the volume turned way too far down, and if you play them in title order the 2nd one will be unpleasant if you have headphones on.
So I've been told.
China's taken that whole Barbara Walters thing and put a whole new spin on it by having their local version interview condemned criminals just before they're executed. Oh, they make sure not to upset Westerners too much by only interviewing murderers and rapists, and they don't actually show any of the executions. Meh. If it helps pass the time and maybe prevents one or two other Chinese from going at each other, I don't have a problem with this particular aspect of it. The whole death penalty thing is another matter entirely*.
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* By faith and inclination I think it's a waste of time and resources. Much better for them to attempt enlightenment at the bottom of a dark pit with the occasional loaf of bread and lump of cheese thrown at them. Feel free to disagree, most folks do.
I'll see your giant, extinct flee and raise you an enormous, very much alive, stick insect. It lives on a solitary island in the South Pacific, and I am completely fine with that. Fortunately, Ellen doesn't want one.
The body, wrapped in white cloth with a white sign bearing Colvin's name, has been buried because the rebels did not have electricity to keep her body refrigerated. It had started to decay, a rebel in the film footage explains.Seriously? You are in a war zone. You get blown up and your family expects you to be sent back intact? Be grateful she was at least buried and not left out for animals.
I dunno, if marathons had fewer sweaty athletes and more of... well... more of this, I might be more inclined to participate. Oh, who am I kidding? The only time this road weenie will run is when his bike breaks and he's being chased by something. That said, if it's your cup of tea why not?
I dunno, it's not like there are lawyers in the world who don't need a good shooting. Unexpected? Yep, but it's not clear from the article if he actually pointed it at anyone or merely offered it to her. Handing a gun over safely is no big deal, but pointing it at things you don't intend to shoot is a major no-no.
Tokyo's "oldest man" has been found dead recently. Which would not normally be all that news-worthy, except it appears he died about thirty years ago. It seems the habit of collecting Social Security checks for relatives who no longer need them is not exclusive to the US. However, around here we do tend to actually bury the body. In this case, not so much.
A family who's parents were accidentally "outed" to their teenage daughter as swingers by a goof made in a documentary about same aren't entitled to compensation for the mistake. The article also includes a very practical resolution to the matter. Hey, they're Germans. What did you expect? They don't all want to conquer France, ya know?
When a cell phone is "bricked," which is to say "damaged beyond repair by fault or mischief," it's annoying. Unless you're Ellen, which would make it a soul-destroying tragedy requiring a minimum of four weeks of sackcloth-and-ashes mourning and maybe dressing up a donkey. But I digress. Anyway, when it's a $100,000 sports car, and the "fix" costs $40,000, not so much. Annoying, that is. Not the sackcloth-and-ashes thing. What were we talking about again?
That's not cool: a Florida man is in the hospital with severe injuries when his electronic cigarette blew up in his mouth. Can you say, "product liability lawsuit?" I knew you could...
An Iranian man was discovered carrying grenades in a backpack in Bangkok, police say he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Yeah, just happened to be, you know, transporting them. For a friend.
And now, giant bugs turned into tinker toys. I guess everyone needs a hobby. Bonus: includes a picture of everyone's favorite spidery nightmare, the African bird spider. It'll take a special lady to appreciate a brooch made from a bug as big as her hand.
The man went on to develop 'firm and pendulous' masses on his stomach - a condition known as lipohypertrophy. Mild cases are surprisingly common, however this patient had a severe case as he hadn't changed his injection sites for three decades.Uh... it looks like a butt or a pair of boobs.
Not X rated in anyway... he is describing this new.. floppy... thing :/
The best stereo speaker in the world? Oh, yeah, we can show you the best speaker in the world. It weighs more than a quarter ton and costs more than five times as much as a Honda Civic. Each. The picture at the top of their website reminds me of Daleks with their plungers removed. EXTERMINATE!
How did we ever live without a recipe for beef jerky underwear? Doesn't look all that flexible to me, but fashion has never been my forte. All the same, I think I'll pass on this one. I bet it'd be awkward trying to explain why all the neighborhood stray dogs keep following you around.
So, what do you think: a monster in Iceland, or a robot? That head looks very, if you'll pardon the expression, pythonesque to me, and from the video it's not completely clear it really is an icy river. Me, I'm calling it some sorta hoax involving someone's pet python going for a swim.
Janey said: "Every time friends visited they were taken aback by Meeka's size and asked if I was sure she was a micro pig. At this point, I still believed she was — just one with a weight problem."
I know... No Ellen, You can't have one.
Most, hopefully nearly all, of us would have people hunting for us very soon after we missed an appointment, work, coming home, really anything. Others, well, others simply aren't as fortunate. In other news, you can run up unpaid taxes to the tune of 30 grand before you need to worry about the revenuers seizing your house. The more you know...
An abandoned leper colony is always an eerie place, especially when it's just off the shoreline of Manhattan. I'm thinking the photographer may have taken some pretty substantial risks. Those floors don't look all that sturdy to me, and falling through the floor of a building in an abandoned leper colony seems... sub-optimal.
Making the rounds: chicken wing cupcakes. Not being a huge fan of either one, I'll give it a pass. The bakery that cooked this up is near a college town, so I'm sure they'll have plenty of takers.
Ah, to be German: If it does not have an expiration date, it will be edible. At least he had it tested first. Ellen's the same way with spices. Except her attitude is more "if it doesn't smell bad I don't care how old it is."
A big soap bar of a ship has taken out a bridge in Kentucky. And by "taken out," we're not talking about dinner and a movie. Amazingly, nobody was hurt. It's not at all clear what went wrong, as this particular boat has gone under this particular bridge several times before.
Continental Airlines Flight 1515 was preparing to take off for Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston when "a maintenance-related engine run-up of the right-hand engine" was carried out, said Roland Herwig, a spokesman for the Federal Aviation Administration's southwest region in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma."Someone on the ground was sucked into the engine," he said.
Pretty messy.
The wriggling, the squirming, the Moro reflex-induced jump... If you want proof that artificial intelligence is thriving, look no further than this robotic -- and yes, somewhat creepy -- baby.
Read all about it and don't forget to see the video.
It looks like Texas has another smuggling problem on its hands. No, it's not coke or Mexicans, it's deer. Yes, deer. They're a damned nuisance around these parts, with carcasses littering most of our major highways around mating season, doing who knows how much damage to cars and drivers. But in Texas the pretty ones are worth a lot of money, and when there's lots of money tied to lots of rules, cheating's just part of the game.
Robert Hegyes, best known for playing Epstein on Welcome Back, Kotter, has died. The young actors I watched growing up are now climbing into their sixties. Still, it doesn't seem quite fair that this guy kicks it at 60 while Kieth Richards' corpse still walks the land.
Ever the busybodies, a Nordic dive team has discovered itself two mystery objects at the bottom of the Baltic, one of which is roughly as big as a 747. Me, I'm thinking "bizarre geologic formation" rather than "ZOMG!1!!! ALIENZ!!!" But you never really can be sure. Yet another reason to root for summer to get here.
I guess you'd call that green building: 1, smug hipster: 0. I don't have to worry about it much, because the tin the Alfas are made of will rust long before it melts. The Hyundai, on the other hand, may be something I have to watch out for.
I'll see you your "moon landing's a hoax" wackadoos and raise you psychics who're claiming they've found a space ship on the moon. Check that, they're claiming astronauts found one forty years ago, and are just asking they be allowed to "tell" their story. Good. It's been awhile since we've had a genuine bunch of crackpots in the news lately.
The iconic and consistently mis-identified tower which holds Big Ben is starting to lean to the left. Well, Labor was in charge for most of the past few decades, what do you expect? Apparently they've got plenty of time to sort it all out, which I'm sure they will do presently.
Pop quiz: authorities are investigating a) mysterious lights in the sky, b) mysterious objects in the sky, or c) mysterious snoring in the sky? Ok, now go collect your prize. I was always expecting trumpets to herald the end of days. I am disappoint.
Agreed: "If Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's legislative assault on public sector workers was a prime example of right-wing excess on the issue of organized labor, the story of Buffalo's teachers and their botox should be looked at as cautionary tale for the left." Good intentions does not make a dumb idea any smarter.
Returning electronics is about to get a heck of a lot tougher now that some bastards have figured out a new way to scam the system. Some people admire clever "bandits," thinking they're some sort of modern Robin Hood. I look at the mountains of paperwork I have to complete to get basically anything done and curse the day the first one drew a breath.
Hikers walking their dogs around the Hollywood Hills have made a grisly discovery. Yeah, it's probably some drug lord or something, but still, that's not really the sort of thing I'd want to find on a trail, ya know?
Authorities have discovered radioactive concrete, contaminated by the Fukushima disaster, has made its way into new building construction. An apartment building, no less. The problem was discovered when a student at a nearby school had received a significant radiation dose in a very short time.
A mysterious sonic rumble experienced in May still has scientists scratching their heads in Costa Rica. Somewhere in the vicinity there's a very happy person with a very, very large subwoofer.
Use #13: gold smuggling compartment. This one's high up on the list because it's probably been used that way by smugglers for thousands of years. Which is why I don't ever want to be a smuggler. Not worth the discomfort, sorry.
More than a day after it (presumably) fell to Earth, Russian scientists still aren't sure where Phobos-Ground ended up. Since the trail ended somewhere over Brazil, I'm thinking darkest jungles and wide, deep oceans would be a good guess. It also makes me think they may never actually find anything.
Navigating a port correctly is important, especially if you're in charge of one of the biggest cruise ships afloat. The FARKers are all abuzz as to just how they're going to get something that big out of the mess it's now in. The short answer seems to be, "dunno."
A villager in a remote Russian town got a big surprise when he found nearly 80 Kalashnikov rifles in the scrap wood he just bought. Apparently in Russia it's acceptable to use unopened crates as scrap wood. Who knew?
There but for the grace of God goes my wife: UK woman killed by train attempting to retrieve her cell phone. Ellen's loyalty to her "extended heart and soul" definitely borders on the clinical, but I'd like to think she'd draw the line at jumping in front of a train to save it.
A guy who thought it would be a good idea to get his short arm its very own tat got an unexpected "bonus." Fortunately it seems in this specific case the patient isn't in immediate danger, although I would imagine it does limit the kinds of swimsuits he can wear and still be polite.
How many bug spray cans does it take to make a respectable bomb? According to the Post, about a dozen. I've had static electricity spark to any number of cans of flammable stuff and never seen anything like this happen. I think there's something else going on here...
I've read about, heck I think I've seen video, of hot air balloons hitting power lines. Seems to be a professional hazard for them, sort of like crotch hits and pinatas. I had no idea it had the potential to kill nearly half a dozen people. It seems you can get killed doing damned near anything.
Sweden has officially recognized a religion who's central belief revolves around "anti-copyrights". This sort of reminds me of rednecks who declared themselves members of the Church of the Green Bud in an effort to get legalized pot back in the '80s. However, this is Sweden, so who the heck knows where it'll go?
Having tried everything else to convince the middle that my side is a clear and present danger to life, liberty, and sanity, now they're trotting ol' Pat out again. Robertson has been saying essentially the same things over and over again for the past, what, I think it must be forty or fifty years now. I'm more interested in why anyone thinks he's fresh or relevant than in what he actually says.
Sometimes North Korea crudely photoshops pictures for obvious reasons. Other times, it's just some really weird sh- coming out of the place. Me, I still think it'll end up being some bizarre retouching, but I've been wrong before.
Fortunately we live in the US, where this only happens in the fevered dreams of wacky leftists (when our side is in charge): Turkish military admits to blowing up cigarette smugglers who were mistaken for Kurdish separatists. See? Smuggling cigarettes is bad. Just wanted to put that out there for, you know, some people...
Alternate title: "~ Reindeer got run over then killed gramma ~". When it's your time, it's just your time. How my rural relatives have avoided this fate all these years, I will never know.
All right, once more, with feeling: do not post anything on-line you wouldn't say out loud, in public, within earshot of a priest, a policeman, and your mom. Of course this is a teenage boy. He'd probably shout "yo, dawg!" and confess in front of all three just for "teh lulz."
It's bad enough to find out your daughter is sleeping with the gym coach. It's worse if you're dating him, too. I'm pretty sure there isn't a hole deep enough to measure the amount of trouble Olivia would be in if she pulled a stunt like that. I'd like to think we'll teach her to be better than that, but I'm humble enough to acknowledge it's not a sure thing.
A ship carrying 160 tons of explosives and nearly 70 "Patriot" missiles bound for China has been stopped in Finland. Hey, they labeled the missiles as fireworks! They're really just super-fancy bottle-rockets anyway, right? Right? Which catalog can I order those out of, anyway?
For even more evidence that junkies are idiots we have the case of the man who died after eating the cocaine stuffed up his brother's backside. Wait a minute. If they were handcuffed that would mean he might've had to... EWWWW!!!!!
And now, a 100 year-old Christmas cake. Article includes oh-so-appetizing picture of same. I'm not completely convinced it's legit, but why not? You take the first piece!
Today's "innocent item that will kill you in a horrific way" is... [spins the media wheel of hysteria] ... Neti pots. For those of you who have not married into a family enamored of magic potions and mystic chotchkies, neti pots are used to flush out the sinus cavities. Basically, the user sticks the spout of a teapot up their nose and pours. No, really! I knew I should've taken pictures when Ellen was using hers regularly.
At any rate, two people in Louisiana woke up dead lately, victims of a neurological disease called "primary amoebic meningoencephalitis." Since there wasn't any other obvious reason, the state's health department shot out a press release which may have included the absolutely delightful phrase, "brain-eating amoebas." Quicker than you can shriek, "flesh eating bacteria!!!!" pow, we have our latest public health hysteria. And just in time for Christmas!
That this disease is "exceptionally rare," even though the critter that causes it is "extremely common" and "extremely sensitive to chlorine," and absolutely the only way infection occurs is "direct contact with the olfactory nerve, which is only exposed at the extreme vertical terminus of the paranasal sinuses," 1 we encounter nowhere in the original article.
In other words, unless you enjoy filling a teapot with tap water and then pouring it UP your nose, a lot, you're fine, and so am I. Ellen, on the other hand, well, I'm just glad she lost the thing years ago.
Some enterprising Dutchmen have managed to make off with an entire jet fighter. True, the F-104 is one of the smaller examples of the breed, but it's still a freaking airplane. Oh, I don't doubt they'll be caught, but, dude, nice job!
While the initial report makes it seem like they were right out there in the open, even getting it on in a car below a lighted sign shows some pretty poor judgement. Sheriff. The boy-toy just makes it that much sillier. Really, people, get a room!
During a Pilates stretching exercise known as a Valsalva maneuver the woman reported that her "body swallowed one of the implants," according to the account published in the New England Journal of Medicine.Suddenly I am afraid of doing Pilates.
Unfortunately, no matter how irritated you get, it's not a good idea to wave shotguns at people just because. Yet another crazy person wobbling off their meds, I'll wager. At least nobody got hurt.
Color me unsurprised: a former Wal Mart employee chronicles government assistance and the people who use it. Long-term poverty is the hallmark of people with extremely poor decision-making skills. Helping them improve those skills should be a goal of any assistance but, alas, that will never happen. It would reduce their dependence on the state, and That Will Not Do.
All I can say is, if I were the foundation that ponied up the grant that funded this, I'd want my money back: "Researchers collated their results and discovered that alcohol consumption affects decision-making, and that this impact rises with the amount of alcohol consumed." Really? Really? Go for the mush-headed press release, stay and stare at Ramona, the transgendered football linebacker pondering "her story."
Making the rounds: a set of older photos is offering a rare glimpse into life on death row in China. The full set of photos is here. No death or gore, just strangely eerie pictures of women convicted of breaking the law in a society which executes many more individuals for such things than does the US.
For those of you who long ago grew sick of looking at replica man-bits hanging off car trailer hitches: be careful what you wish for (SFW). Haven't seen any of this around here, so far at any rate. Our customizers tend to be of the "beaded seat cover and gold-and-red-crowns" sort, if you catch my meaning.
The sharks, they jump themselves: upcoming Glee holiday episode to feature Chewbacca. Hey, if it means Mayhew gets some cash for Christmas, I guess I'm OK with it. Ellen: "well, that proves they'll desecrate anything." She takes it more seriously than I do.
It turns out emptying the magazine of an AR-15 at the White House from a half-mile away isn't the only thing that marked the guy out as crazy. On reflection, it probably is just a coincidence this guy was party of the Occupy movement. This particular sort of "Coke Classic Crazy" regularly makes its appearance around this town. I used to work with a few of them.
So, what you're trying to tell me is that an alien race capable of building a spacecraft the size of a freaking planet is having their nefarious plot foiled by a, well, let's be honest, a sun fart? See, that's the problem I have with just about every conspiracy theory out there. They all require the bad guys to be inhumanly (ha!) brilliant, right up until "we" notice, then they're suddenly as dumb as a rock with a tomato on it.
By the way, I thought it was supposed to be 12-12-2012??? Looks like someone didn't synch their watch or something!
Look, people, if living with an Italian from New York has taught me anything, it's taught me nothing good comes of a shallow grave. Bonus: perp seems to be complaining that stun guns do not work "as advertised." Hopefully he'll be able to collect his refund in jail.
Ever wonder what Chernobyl might've looked like just a few months after the disaster. I'm thinking it looked like this, only with more vodka and fewer vending machines. Japan is, of course, both richer and better organized than the Soviets. It'll be interesting to see if this can all be reclaimed, or if it will join Chernobyl as another ghost town that glows in the dark.
A new wrinkle in the saga of the Large Hadron Collider: a man claiming to be from the future was apprehended trespassing on the premises. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
Well that's comforting.
So they say welfare mothers are a myth. I say oh, really? Unfortunately a society which provides a safety net for people who really need it will often find it being used by people who don't. A free society for the smart also means a free society for the stupid, and enabling the state to go all Darth Vader on someone like this means it can go Darth Vader on me, too.
Reason #62 why I'd suck as a junkie's friend: if this is what I have to do to wake you up, your ass is dead. Everyone who thought using a sharpie marker on the face of their passed out friend just got a whole other interesting set of ways to wake them up. Me, I'll stick to whacking the soles of their feet. "Why couldn't that technique have been used for Uma Thurman instead of the needle?"
And now, a cricket eating a carrot. Not just any cricket, mind you, it's a cricket about the size of a tennis ball. Meh. I'm sure there are mosquitoes nearly that big somewhere in southeast Arkansas. They don't call it the state bird for nothing!
Tick off a bunch of college kids, and all you get are smelly hippies camping in a park. Tick off an Indian snake charmer and the results are different, to say the least. No, Ellen, you can't have one.
Well, I guess running over 2500 water balloons has originality going for it as an advertisement. Then again, I use a Tivo. I haven't seen a non-kid-based advertisement since about 2005. It may have in fact been done before. Just not with a car this cool.
Durham Crematorium has submitted plans to install turbines in its three burners which can convert the huge amounts of heat generated during the cremation process into electricity.But crematorium bosses believe surplus energy from the other two turbines - enough to power around 1,500 television sets - could be fed into the National Grid.
The turbines will be powered by steam released by cooling hot gases used in the cremation process, rather than bodies.
Read then entire article here.
Observation: Russia's delightfully named Phobos-Grunt didn't leave orbit when it should've, and it's turning out to be very difficult to figure out why. Conclusion: It's actually a bio-warfare weapon designed to bring about a global apocalypse. Well, duh!
Originally Rossie tried to have Ryan charged with assault but it turns out this crafty tattoo artist got her to sign a consent form prior to the tattoo and it said that the design was ‘at the artists discretion’, she claims; “he tricked her by drinking a bottle of cheap wine with me and doing tequila shots before I signed it and got the tattoo”. “Actually I was passed out for most of the time, and woke up to this horrible image on my back.”
Oh dear...
She said: "It's like an octopus. It started four months ago. I was lying in bed when I felt this creepy pair of hands.I assume this is a white family. Who else but us crazy white people would STAY in an haunted house. Let alone buy a new mattress to see if the haunting stops."I kicked frantically and it went away. Next time it came I hurled the duvet on to the floor!
"But the ghost keeps coming back. I've tried sleeping without the duvet. But it started shaking my mattress.
And in the, "you just can't make this sh-t up" category, we have a "trans gendered woman" who injected a client's buttocks with cement. With fix-a-flat mixed in, no less. Because, you know, it needs to be sticky I guess. Fortunately nobody died, but it's not from a lack of trying.
Passengers on an an airline from India to Britain were recently told to pay for gas or find another ride. Fortunately they were confronted with the request while on the ground. Silly people. Doing it in the air would've been much more effective!
I've long suspected there was a limit to the good bacon could do. Now I've found it. All the women I know are quite meticulous with their hygiene, and understandably so. That makes me think no matter how, well, tasty things are, this one's a non-starter.
Remember the guy who'd raised himself a tame hippo? Yeah, that ended about like you'd think it would. I don't really trust any of our pets to be civilized, but they're all less than 1/10th my size. No way I'd try to even make friends with something that weighed more than my car.
Not content with building eerie, empty cities, the Chinese have also been building weird, abandoned structures in the desert. When they're not talking politics, the Slashdot guys can be useful commentators, and so their ideas are mostly interesting. Has someone tried asking them what it all is yet?
Illinoisans to legally scoop up road kill.In action Thursday, senators voted 52-0 in favor of the proposed law, which is designed to allow people to collect dead mammals found on roadways.
How many times can f*$ing yuck be used in a sentence?
Just when you thought teens had figured out every weird way to get drunk, they discover vodka tampons and butt bongs. Look, I enjoy a good drink as much as the next guy, but I do have boundaries. Most especially those involving access to my backside.
While, technically, this is not really a "faces of meth," it's close enough for me to shudder. The processes they use to make the stuff are incredibly flammable, after all. Proof positive there are things far, far worse than an addiction to Facebook.
Those crazy Asians are at it again!
It's a fun video and family friendly.
Having solved all other problems, the Obama administration is now out to improve the image of the American Christmas tree. By, naturally, imposing a .15c tax on each and every one sold. I get it now, you all are absolutely right. The only way to success is to give the federal government even more money and power. Look at how effective they are with what they already have!
A well-intentioned effort to control greenhouse gasses may be on the verge of going completely pear-shaped. Yet another example of not thinking past stage one: if you pay people for piece-work, they'll make more, not less, of what you're paying them for.
MADRID — Pushed for space, a Spanish cemetery has begun placing stickers on thousands of burial sites whose leases are up as a warning to relatives or caretakers to pay up or face possible eviction.The sticker campaign was decided upon to coincide with the Nov. 1 Roman Catholic holiday on which people visit graveyards. Abadia said that since then hundreds of people had called to make inquiries about grave of their relatives.
Nowadays, Spanish cemeteries normally place coffins or cremated ash urns in niches above ground.
Read the rest of the here
Remember how odd China and Japan are? A challenger has appeared. It seems something about recovering from a totalitarian disaster brings out the sincerely weird in people. We'll have to see just how it plays out.
Some countries, well, let's be honest. All countries except one protect their nukes with sophisticated security and heavily defended bunkers. The one hold-out? They create "the world’s most dangerous 1-800-FLOWERS truck." Gives you that "not-so-safe" feeling, eh?
A Russian man has been arrested in relation to a string of grave robberies after the remains of 20 women he'd dressed himself were found in his house. Look, it's all fun and games to make jokes about how much women talk, but this is taking it a little far, don't you think?
Hacker group Anonymous is learning it's all fun and games until the cartel starts sniffing around your house. I learned a very long time ago there's a certain sort of guy you do not mess around with. These guys make those look like pansies. Pro tip: stick to corporations and the US Government. They won't pull your tongue through your neck just to prove they can.
Bird owners everywhere know one of their great talents is chaos. They can foul things up all out of proportion to their size and weight. Don't believe me? check out what one does when he encounters a paraglider. Hooray for safety chutes!
A Burmese python slithering through the Everglades proved that her eyes weren't bigger than her stomach, swallowing intact a 76-pound deer. At 15.65 feet, the python isn't the largest on record. But the size of her prey both impresses and concerns state and federal wildlife scientists and land managers trying to control the non-native species."They are large exotic animals that are not naturally from this area," said Randy Smith, spokesperson for the South Florida Water Management District. "The potential to wreak havoc on the natural Florida wildlife ... they don't have true enemies."
Contractors spraying exotic vegetation Thursday came across the female python on an island about 20 miles from Everglades National Park, Smith told CNN Tuesday. It was dispatched, by protocol, with a single shotgun blast to the head.
Well that sucks, but this is what happens when irresponsible people own giant snakes. With picture!
Nicole said that the morning after the arrest, she emailed Safeway to say not paying for the sandwiches was an honest mistake. "It was just a slip, a mommy-brain moment, I guess," she said. Houghton said Safeway accepts her assurance that she simply forgot to pay.***Here's and idea! Don't eat when you shop! Since when is a grocery store a restaurant? Those places are filithy!*** Nicole said she and her husband were told they were banned from the store for one year. ***Pity Party*** Houghton said she wasn't sure who would have told them that, but Safeway welcomes the family back. Grocery shopping is a chore that now bring some anxiety, Nicole said, adding that she has read countless comments online criticizing her for eating before paying.
***Keep reading them. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you are extra special. Babies are born every day. Eat before you go out.***
Really? I'm not totally heartless. Safeway you suck for arresting two idiots who decided to eat while shopping. That is a No-No. You suck even more for calling child welfare and stressing everyone out. You handled the situation poorly.
Again, who the hell eats in a grocery store? You might as well eat off a public toilet seat.
Read entire asinine article here.
A 28 year-old man is using the time-tested "she turned into an ass on the way home" defense in a very novel situation. Turns out the donkey show is a global phenomenon. Who knew? (SFW)
Remember those parents who named their kids things like "Adolf Hitler" and "JoyceLynn Aryan Nation"? Yeah, they're trying to get their kids back. Again. At first, I was all, "it's their kids, give them back please." Then I found out, "Both parents are unemployed and are said to suffer from unnamed physical and mental disabilities."
In other words, these are not racist, hateful, but otherwise productive citizens. They're not Westboro. Instead they're a couple of unemployed clinically crazy people with a proven track record of poor impulse control and bad decision making. It may not be enough to keep their kids away, but as far as I'm concerned it's enough to make that a harder decision than it would at first appear.
Today's "I didn't know I didn't know that" story concerns one Jack Unterweger, a serial killer who convinced his country he was reformed, only to immediately begin killing again on his early release. Yet another item to consider when a paid talking head starts crowing about how something is "definitely settled." Oh, and Malkovich is in a play about him.
I guess I'm officially old now, because I don't have a problem with a Girl Scout troupe rejecting a boy in a dress. Then again, if Olivia were in the same troupe and she came home talking about their new member David well, I'd like to think I wouldn't have a problem with it. When I think about the reverse case, of a girl trying to join up with a Boy Scout troupe, I don't get the same visceral reaction so maybe it is just me. Tolerance makes parenting complicated, I suppose.
Looks like the 99% doesn't include local farmers. But then, what's a little inconvenience as long as it furthers the revolution? It is always better to starve in justice than to dine in the shadow of prosperity!
Another day, another creepy anniversary nobody's ever heard of commemorated by Wikipedia. At least, likely nobody outside the Australian UFO community. You'd think that after so much time they'd be able to pry more records out of the various law enforcement agencies.
Today's "kook mistaken for an audiophile" story is all about how cassette tapes are making a "comeback." Ok, slowly this time: audiophiles are people who spend $20,000 on a single 30 watt monophonic vacuum tube amplifier. Kooks are people who talk a guy down from $30 for an obsolete tape player.
The bones used to be buried in the Oak Grove Cemetery south of town. Heavy rains in 2009 washed away the wall of a neighboring ravine, and a strip of the oldest part of the cemetery slid into the maw. Several headstones and at least one body tumbled down with the soil.Someone retrieved several gravestones from the ravine and set them at the back edge of the cemetery. Some of them indicate the graves were nearly old enough to fall under the state archaeologist’s authority. One, for a 2-year-old girl named Nellie Beem, says she was buried in 1867, which is 144 years ago.
How hard is it just to dig some new graves and put these people back to rest?
We're (well, Ellen's) getting slow... how else to explain our total lack of albino cyclops shark coverage? Ah, I know. It wasn't an albino cyclops cat! Fish, fowl, feline, the distinction matters. Well, anyway, it's a great Halloween-style link!
Really? I know you are a country of nearly1.2 Billion, but you don't hit a child with car and then run her over.
The horrific part is over 4 people walked past her and she was hit multiple times!
China, you really are one sick country
The things one learns, trolling Wikipedia's "on this day" section. To wit: on this day, 9 people were killed in 1814 during the "London Beer Flood." Sometimes beer does things you don't want it to do.
No, really, Piranha bark. Nature can be weirder than we can imagine, because nature just has to follow rules we're still not completely clear about. It doesn't have to actually be "creative."
A surfer in Oregon got the ride of his life recently. I'd normally say, "yeah, right," but apparently there are witnesses to his little shark dance. Just another reason to stick with swimming pools, as far as I'm concerned.
Besides the noted Thanatron machine, which Kevorkian built, other items to be auctioned include some of Kevorkian's correspondences and invention ideas, a pearl flute, his doctor's bag, a master lock from prison and his signature blue sweater. People can also purchase provocative paintings that he created, which come with brief descriptions from the artist himself, according to Neal.
You know you want own a piece of real American History!
Proof people wobbling off their meds aren't exclusive to North America: a man flipped out and literally tore his eyes out during an Italian church service. No pictures, fortunately.
A Russian woman's life was saved by her (apparently quite large) fake boobies. Or maybe the knife was just small? Save the boobies!
A US man has taken "royal obsession" to new heights: the body of a homeless man with a demented fascination with the royal family lay near one of the royal residences for three years before it was discovered. Camping out on an inaccessible island and hiding out in the bushes will have a tendency to cause that sort of thing. Crazy people... is there anything they can't do?
"Let’s start by sketching out the little that is known for certain. At 7 o’clock on the warm evening of Tuesday, November 30, 1948, jeweler John Bain Lyons and his wife went for a stroll on Somerton Beach, a seaside resort a few miles south of Adelaide. As they walked toward Glenelg, they noticed a smartly dressed man lying on the sand, his head propped against a sea wall..."
What better way to start the month known for the macabre than with a genuine, and deadly, mystery?
Crooked teeth are seen as imperfections in many western countries, and particularly in America, where braces are practically a God-given gift to man, but in Japan, a country where almost everything is different, they are considered cute, even adorable. Yaeba means double tooth in Japanese, but it doesn’t describe major dental deformities, but rather the vampire-like look obtained when the two molars crowd the canines pushing them forward to create a fang effect. According to some sources, yaeba gives girls a feline look which is apparently makes them even more attractive, while others say it’s this little imperfection that makes pretty girls look more approachable as opposed to the flawless magazine cover models of the western world.
Yet another way the Japanese are making themselves into living ANIME dolls.
With Video!
Just when I thought the Chinese couldn't get any weirder, I learn about a festival in which pigs that've grown to be the size of VW Beetles are publicly slaughtered and then their gaily painted carcasses are paraded around town. Still, it's gotta be better than dog meat. I hope.
Standard: an organization responsible for a ridiculous stunt is irritated that someone else is giving the wrong people the credit. WTF: the organization is Al Qaeda, and they're telling Iran's president to stop blaming the CIA for 9/11. Even better, the whole thing was just about prophesied by an Onion parody some time ago.
Fans of Storm Chasers and other weather-related phenomena should not miss this detailed and harrowing account of surviving the Joplin tornado. Best part: they were saved by a beer cooler. Beer. Is there anything it can't do?
Those of you wondering why the economy is still flopping around in the bottom of the boat need look no further than this: new environmental regulations will require 230,000 new employees to enforce, cause 6.1 million businesses to fall under their jurisdiction, cost $21 billion dollars, and probably won't work. No, this isn't some right-wing think-tank report. It's the EPA itself admitting all this effort probably won't work. This is just the tip of the iceberg, I'm sure, and is a direct result of electing a community organizer with exactly two years of federal office experience to the Presidency. It's not who he is. It's who he's hired.
See, I always thought people learned to leave wild mushrooms alone back in, you know, first grade or something. As usual, it seems that a few people weren't listening in that class. Darwin missed them by THAT much.
No surprise to anyone familiar with the "wisdom" of diplomats assigned to the UN: diplomat's car stolen and crashed after he left it double-parked and idling while he went and got some tea. The UAE is a comparatively liberal Arab state, so it's not like a religious policeman was outraged or anything.
Update: Actually, it's the diplomat's chauffeur.
Why worry about finances when you're a successful actor and... a vampire?!? Because, really, it's definitely not a faked photo. That's what the auctioneer on Ebay says, and we all know how reliable they are!
A surrogate mom got some startling news when she found out the prospective parents were backing out of the contract, leaving her with twins she never thought she'd have to raise. Fortunately, an adoption agency was able to place the children and everyone seems to be Ok.
Reason #432 that a womb is not a rent-able factory. Ya know?
Making the rounds: a heavily modified P-51 Mustang has crashed at the Reno Air Races. The pilot reported a mayday and pulled out of the race, and then the plane looped over and went in nearly vertically, right in front of the grandstands. Death toll is currently at 3, but may climb higher.
Pilots get killed pretty regularly at Reno, but this is the first accident involving spectators I can think of. Unfortunately it wouldn't surprise me at all if this incident shuts down the races for good.
Fumes at a Georgia McDonalds have sent 10 to a hospital. I always knew the place could smell a little weird, but this is ridiculous. I'm putting a $5 chip down on "stupid teenager mixing bleach and ammonia just to see what would happen."
Good: Airliners are booting thugs off for not pulling their pants up. Bad: get a load of what they'll let on the airplane instead (SFW). I had a point to make, but the picture just, well... go look, you'll see.
With humans, jealousy normally results in the sort of drama that drives the plots of hundreds of soap opera episodes per year. With tigers, the drama is much shorter, and... gurglier... Reason #37 why Ellen can't run a big cat rescue from her back yard one day, that's all I'm sayin...
Nope, it is correct. A nudist dating site.
Lots of sagging, cellulite... and well those models they feature. Yeah right.
A moose drunk on fermented apples was rescued recently when it staggered into a tree and got stuck. And really, they can be mean drunks.
Only in the heartland of all things progressive: San Francisco's latest controversy involves forcing nudists to sit on towels when they're in public. Yes, "sit on," not "wear." Meh. Their city, their rules. It's not like I was planning on visiting Castro any time soon anyway.
Drunk, naked, passed out in an empty hot tub next to a dead guyis no way to go through life, son. Bonus: Arkansas weatherman. Hot water, booze, boy toys, and blow. That's some fine judgement there, very fine.
All the new rules and organizations set up to stop the Wacky Westboro Bunch must be having an effect, since their new target is the rock group The Foo Fighters. Trying to make a lot of noise at a venue that celebrates nothing but noise isn't a particularly good idea, but the Westboro people have never been known for quick thinking. I'm sure Grohl will have a good time with them.
The stupid person mode of transportation.
Mr Satur said the incident was a 'terrible' example of the danger of trying to hop a train. He said: 'It's terrible.'It really highlights the dangers of trying to hop a train. It is not safe by any means.'
Authorities said the 100-car train was travelling at 18mph when the incident occurred.
The person is lucky not to have lost their life pulling this stunt.
If the documents prove to be authentic, the US government definitely believed in Yeti back in the day. Bonus: It seems the guy who created Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer included a yeti in the story because he was obsessed with finding them. No, really!
Ellen's idyllic San Francisco isn't quite as idyllic at the moment. Meh. People gotta swim, shark's gotta eat, ya know?
A Welsh lady walking her dog in a nice pasture got killed by a cow. Better: this was the second time in two years it's happened. Remember folks, guns don't kill people, cows kill people.
Naked dude: check. Girlfriend: check. Raccoon: check. Alcohol: well, duh.(SFW) The only truly strange thing was it didn't actually happen in Florida.
The installation of the first "body liquifaction" plant in Florida sparked the BBC to take a closer look at the whole process. Dissolving a body to its bones is fine, I guess, but I can definitely see why people would be upset that the results get dumped into the municipal water system. I don't care how pure it really is, the thought definitely gives me pause.
If you picked "less than a day" in the "how long will it take for pictures of a weird dead thing to show up on the tabloids after the hurricane," you can collect your prize. The comments seem to agree it's a bear. I dunno.
Could it be this?
And now, a great big house boat that's been docked. "Docked" as in, "placed on top of." I'm sure the owners are grateful their boat appears undamaged. I have a feeling they may be puzzled about the next step.
Ok, when the sea foam is green, it's a fashion statement. When it's brown, not so much. I constantly wonder what these reporters do wrong to get these kinds of assignments.
I'm sure this has made the rounds, but it's the first time I've seen it: I think this is the best "in person" video of Japan's massive quake. It really provides a sense of how severe, and how long, it really was.
A UK woman shot in the chest with a paint ball gun ended up with a lot more than just a nasty bruise. See, just because fake ones look bullet-proof, it doesn't actually mean they are bullet-proof. Bonus: fake ones "make you an easier target."
Not content with all the other nasty things cocaine can naturally do to you, dealers are now cutting it with stuff that makes you look like a black death victim, and then gives you AIDS. Well, ok, not exactly AIDS, but it definitely can fatally weaken the immune system. Hey, man, that's great. They were making it sound like it could kill you or something...
And in today's "can't make this stuff up" box we find notice that King Arthur Pendragon has lost his bid to force the reburial of remains found at Stonehenge. This is not a repeat from 475. Really.
Ok, I get that motorcyclists must be constantly vigilant around other motorists, on account of latter constantly trying to kill the former. What I didn't expect was for the streets themselves to get into the act. It's the whole, "crashed through the barrier" thing that has me puzzled. Was the driver not paying attention? Barriers incorrectly marked? Was he or she driven into them by a motorist? If so, that would be a pretty classic bank shot, no?
Ok, what I want to know is, since when is circumcision considered a routine treatment for inflammation??? Losing his winkie in the bargain just makes it extra-fail-tastic.
Sharks have attacked two people in the past 24 hours off the west coast of Russia. The article helpfully includes a) a picture of the one sort of shark that never attacks anyone, and b) the geographic note that the area was, "4,000 miles east of Moscow."
What is it with high-profile passengers peeing on airplanes? And how drunk does someone have to be to just whip it out and let fly? You know it's only a matter of time before some idiotic celebrity drops trow on a United flight or something.
After being entombed in a chimney for nearly thirty years, a Louisiana man is finally being laid to rest. Nobody knows why Joseph Schexnider decided to climb down a small bank's chimney in 1984, although even some relatives acknowledge his final weeks were spent, "with a bad crowd." His body would likely still be there, were it not for the renovation of the 2nd floor space where the fireplace vented by the chimney sits.
And I'll bet that was a damned interesting day to be a construction worker!
A lady takes her kid to a concert and bemoans the missed opportunities to score political points. Oh, and peers down her puritanical nose at the goings-on before the concert. She even made the classic critic's fumble by not actually saying whether she liked it or not. Compare with someone sent to professionally review what was likely the exact same event.
Quick! is this a new beauty device, or the end of an insect's proboscis? I was going to make a crack about the lengths women will go, but I'll bet this is just as popular with men as well. Just not, you know, me.
"People have been throwing things-- at night--especially at night. When they are partying and they're out of control. They do it. They think it's a joke," he said.
Don't toss stuff off buildings!
Today's Darwin award goes to a Japanese chick who thought slippery rocks didn't apply to her. Bonus: they haven't found her body yet, but they did find a different body of a dude they weren't even looking for and don't know who is. Unexpectedly!
A UK man has been banned for driving for a year after being spotted using two cell phones at once. Oh, and not having insurance. The only thing that keeps Ellen from doing this is I won't loan her my phone while she's using hers.
Not sure how we managed to miss this one: an 18 year old US Olympic ski team candidate may have literally pissed away his chance at the games. Ever wonder why airliners try so hard to keep drunks off the plane? I bet you don't now.
A teenaged Florida girl is dead after a weird parasite crawled up her nose and into her brain. No, really! This time even sticking to pools is no guarantee of safety, since the critter can take root in any body of water "not cleaned regularly." All those times I've walked home smelling like chlorine? Yeah, not complaining about those anymore.
Another day, another slow news day over at Slate. This time, they hired a psychologist to write an essay on the history of autofellatio. Article is SFW. Well of course we're going to link that up! We're classy that way!
They told me, if I voted for John McCain, the State Department would continue to be a source of American arrogance and parochialism, and they were right: US asks China to explain why it needs aircraft carrier.
If this headline doesn't stop you dead in your tracks you must be made of stone: 'My Strange Addiction:' Woman Eats Husband. Turns out she's switched to a diet of cremains, her husband's cremains, to lose weight. Part of my faith is to contemplate the impermanence of things. That said, I can't recall "licking the inside of a funeral urn" being part of the program.
After seventeen years the body of a missing scuba diver has been found in Lake Tahoe. Even better, it seems there are at least four other dead divers hidden in its depths. The locals claim they're haunting tunnels that riddle the lake's bottom, connecting it to the nearby Pyramid Lake.
A meteor explosion is the likely cause of a "surprising 'bang' over a small Pacific island. I'd rather it kerplooey over my house rather than through it.
Rowan Atkinson seems to have inadvertently tested just how crash-proof a McLaren really is. Hey, you don't buy a car from an F1 factory ONLY because it's fast, donchaknow? This time I think the car's probably a write-off.
It seems a guy who's weirdly into Hello Kitty can sometimes have a lot of other problems. Police, and consent laws, can be tough that way. And then the feds can get involved, too. His lifestyle implies rich white parents, which I hope he has, because if he doesn't he's in for a world of... well, you know...
Nothing like finding a live rat in a fresh loaf of bread to start a meal right! Lovely how everyone involved is handling it so gracefully, too. You would've thought someone would've noticed, I don't know, the bread moving or something? Or a hole in the package? A squeak?
... so much for skydiving: Skydiving quadriplegic plunges to death after parachute failures. Jumping out of perfectly good airplanes has never struck me as the wisest of hobbies, but people do it all the time without getting hurt. And when something does go wrong, well, that sudden stop at the end makes for a very quick appearance at the back of the reincarnation line.
A Chinese couple has allegedly sold all three of their children to finance their on-line gaming addictions. Mine's known her own address for years now, so I never seriously considered the possibility.
I'd always known porta-potties were not particularly healthy places. I had no idea they could actually explode. Considering the article itself mentions a Mythbusters de-bunking of this very occurrence, I'm suspicious that perhaps more than just methane gas was involved. In other words...
Boom.
Ok, even I admit a news quiz question about how many pieces a body was cut into is a pretty shocking thing to find on a news site. I would've expected something like that on Fark. Which is, of course, where I found it. Classy!
"AMCGLTD," we hear you ask, "I know those Smurfs are up to something, I'm just not sure what. Is there anything that can help me decide just what those little monsters are out to accomplish?"
Fear not, friendly child show paranoiac! AMCGLTD is here to help! Presenting The Smurf Conspiracy, your one-stop-shop to all speculation about the nefarious machinations of everyone's previously-thought-to-be-harmless kid show stars! If you've ever wanted proof that pushing crazy as far to one side as possible just means you meet crazy coming from the other direction, here it is.
This Japanese delicacy known as odori-don or “dancing squid rice bowl” is a variation on traditional squid sashimi and uses soy sauce to create the disturbing illusion of bringing a dead squid back to life.
This is the reason why they have a fetish with tentacle porn.
SFW!! The link brings you right to the article...not to tentacle porn. We are not that disgusting.
Ok, Ellen, if cow urine therapy ends up on your list of magic potions, you're sleeping in the garage. I'm sure traditional medicine has it all over the Western variety. Doesn't mean I'm hopping in a tub of cow piss. Ever.
Leave it to the Chinese to have a "bee wearing contest." Yes, you read that right. They wear bees. CHINA: Run away from Japan as fast as you can. You're catching it!
Well, fans of all foods Chinese and Chinese-like, it's looking like your favorites are just as bad for you as the stuff from the Golden Arches. However, I do wondering about the portions used. The stuff we get when we do takeout lasts us the whole weekend, say, three or four meals easy.
Me? I prefer Indian food over Chinese.
They told me if I voted for John McCain the government would make sure "don't ask don't tell" stuck around no matter the cost, and they were right! Good thing the rest of you voted for Obama!
The trick with fetishes is to make sure they don't go wrong. Getting careless can mean people get hurt. I think it's just as well no pictures of the principles were included.
Today's "ZOMG!!!!11! Teh wurld iz endin!!!" prophecy comes courtesy of (shakes big 8-ball) the planet Nibiru. Bonus: includes "but what about the CHILDREN!!!" angsting by the interviewed scientist.

A small private aircraft spun in and crashed into a California hospital. Unfortunately, as with most plane crashes, not everyone walked away.
A Chinese egg processing company is demanding an apology from CNN for broadcasting a slur against a traditional Chinese egg dish called "century eggs." Keep in mind real Chinese cuisine often involves stuff like scorpions and live eels.
The irony is, of course, very strong when a motorcyclist protesting a helmet law gets killed bashing his head against the ground. The motorcycle pros I know not only wear helmets, but a veritable armored suit of sweat-inducing gear. I guess that's why they're fine (so far) and this guy definitely is not. That said, as a libertarian I support this guy's right to splatter his noggin. They don't call them "donorcycles" for nothing!
A woman who thought her mother was buried fifteen years ago has been informed she is in fact alive and well in Florida. Bonus: they buried something they found in their back yard, and now don't know who's remains those actually are.
An effort to firmly establish just how much money an Indian temple is (literally) sitting on has revealed a horde worth an estimated 22 billion dollars. The amount is expected to rise as other vaults under the (previously unguarded) temple are opened and inventoried.
And now, a man who claims he's innocent of rape because he thought the victim was dead. Yeah, I had to do a double-take too. There's a whole lot going on there, and none of it's good.
The guy who hid in a porta-potty tank has been found and interviewed. As expected, he's a complete nutter, who's sense of smell seems to be as impaired as his judgement. Bonus: he seems to have been peeping on women in bathrooms all across Boulder. It's not clear from the article if he was interviewed in jail.
Sorry, that's all I have, time to hit the shower. *shudder*
Progressives have finally lost their damned minds: San Francisco city council is seriously considering a ban on all pet sales. Remember that article that was surprised at California's "unexpected" decline? Yeah, about that...
So, did the Jackass star smear & fry himself off the side of a road, or didn't he? The rumors that he may not have actually died seem to be taking root. Will the Porsche of truth mow this down as well? Hell, some people still believe Elvis is alive, so anything's possible. Remember, folks, you heard it here first!
Junkies, like most other people, can be inventive and ingenious when it comes to getting what they want. The problem is, of course, that what junkies want makes them do crazy, violent things, and then kills them.
Here's one that'll make you read the headline twice: Amish man in Indiana arrested, accused of sexting girl, 12. I know, right? Since when did the Amish move to Indiana?
Great. Just great. Now Ellen will be even more spastic about port-a-potties. Heck I'm not sure I'm ever going to be the same now, and all I did was read about it. So, of course, we're linking that bad boy up right away!
People are not meant to have "litters". Let alone then depend upon the community for helping raise them. You might as well stick them all in a box and write "FREE PUPPIES" on the side.
Their close-knit community has already rallied round the couple. Friends have begun extending their log home, local firms have promised to supply diapers and formula milk and a car dealership may donate a van.
Read entire article here.
"A couple of them were worried they might bear children with long faces," he joked.Men have not been so keen on the concoction.
"The men were very stand-offish. But a few have manned-up and said it is palatable."
Mr Varley admits to trying the drink himself which he said was "ok", and "like custard".
I vomited in my mouth just reading the article.
All I can say is I hope whoever was in that SUV got out OK. I've yet to see a more graphic depiction of what makes tornadoes so destructive. Makes my involuntarily sitting through a hailstorm years ago pale in comparison.
Clarence Clemons, saxophonist for Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band, died yesterday at the age of 69. Five marriages and four kids... he was a busy guy in more ways than one, I suppose. He'll be missed.
Proof that it does actually happen in real life: steam roller driver killed in bizarre accident. Thing is, I'm pretty sure they haven't actually been powered by steam for decades. File that one in the same folder that has us all still saying, "tin foil."
Reason #212 why Ellen would hate jury duty (in the UK, at any rate): a juror who admitted contacting a defendant via Facebook has been sentenced to 8 months in prison for contempt of court. Even though it may vaguely resemble some sort of office, the justice system is part of the State, not the private sector. The rules are different, and you break them at your peril.
One rich eccentric's effort to recover Bin Laden's body likely will be in vain. So, pictures of his corpse, or his body as fish food. The modern world presents one with such unexpected quandaries...
Is that a... ok, what *is* that in your pants? (SFW) Speedos are bad enough. I can't wait for some chav or Jersey boy to get the bright idea to double up on one of these. Well, check that. I'm pretty sure I can wait a long, long time.
Ok, a small girl stabbing a man who's assaulting her mother seems pretty brave and effective. That is, until it's revealed she's done it before, to the same guy, for the same thing, when she was seven! I'm figuring "alcohol" wasn't mentioned because it goes without saying.
A tiny English village has become the latest victim of, "the hum." In other news, weird humming sounds have been bedeviling various small towns, apparently around the world, for years. In Northern Virginia, we call this, "construction."
If you picked a Pathfinder, a highway, and a black bear, you just won the weirdest game of Clue ever. Unfortunately two people and the bear won't be able to play the game again. Remember, folks, guns don't kill people. Flying bears kill people.
Today's "Mark Twain Truth vs. Fiction" award goes to the story of a man carrying a dead weasel who got arrested for assault. As the article notes, it was actually a marten, not a weasel. Because, you know, that's the important part of the story.
Wisconsin's public sector unions are at it again, this time crashing a Special Olympics ceremony. Bonus comment: "I don't know about anyone else but Im alright with this." And no, you're not the only one who spotted a Westboro Baptist Church angle.
Today's "sensationalize much?" entry in the slow news day contest is brought to you by the article that explains how the Internet is destroying the planet. No, surprisingly, they're not screeching about tentacle porn, but instead about global warming. Caused by the Internet. Really!
What to get the newlywed couple who already have everything? This one asked for just one thing: a boob job. Bonus: excellent use of the word, "tittays."
Buried deep inside one of those cheerful "the more you know" puff health articles lies a truly terrifying revelation: "Mosquitoes are more attracted to people after they drink a 12-ounce beer." Well, that's easy enough... let's up it to 24 ounces then!
I think we can now officially declare that the whole zombie thing has jumped the shark. Presenting the gynecological survival guide for the zombie apocalypse. Zombie sex is just more than I'm wanting to imagine, even though I'm nearly certain porn has gone there at some point or another.
There's dedication to the iPad, and then there's dedication to the iPad. All those times I've made fun of friends and their obsession with this glorified touch screen? Yeah, I'm not taking those back. I am, however, making room for a whole new level of obsession when it comes to fruit products.
A new study indicates North Korea is one of the happiest places on Earth, because they say it is! Well of course... all the people who disagree are stuck in camps way up in the mountains!
"Experts" are saying cellphones are possibly cancerous. "[T]he study raised serious concerns because it showed a hint of a possible link between very heavy phone use and a rare but often deadly form of brain tumor. " Sign me and Ron up now, our wives are goners...
When confronted with the growth of hookah bars, what's the proper response? Mount an educational campaign to ensure everyone knows this really isn't much safer or healthier than regular smoking, or use the hammer of the state to pound round pegs into square holes? Hey, man, these nails won't drive themselves in, ya know? Silly me, still clinging to the notion that common people can be trusted...
Nothing like a loud, unexpected BANG to make cleaning up a nuclear disaster just that much more fun. I'd ask, "what could be next?" but I'm pretty sure nobody really wants to know.
There's regular tasteless, and then there's Hustler tasteless (SFW). I would've picked the South Park guys to be the first out of the gate with some sort of Osama parody. It never occurred to me that Flynt's bunch would get there first.
The skull is allegedly that of St Vitalis of Assisi, an Italian Benedictine monk from the 14th century.It belonged to an Anglo-Irish family from County Louth, and is housed in a Queen Anne case dating from the 17th century.
Everyone needs the Patron Saint of "genital disease" on their mantle!
With the recent passing of Randy Savage, more than 25 percent of the performers from Wrestlemania VII have died. While I respect the sport, I've never been much of a fan. Ellen, however, actually attended Wrestlemania at least once. I'll wager some on that list may surprise her.
In the, "ya don't say" file we have news of the death of a man who'd sat in a chair so long he'd literally fused to it. Everyone concentrates on these morbidly obese people. Me, I want to know about the family members who keep bringing someone like that food long after it's patently obvious they need to stop eating.
The nights are long and lonely up north of the arctic circle. How else explain a Norwegian-modified Pontiac Trans Am? And not just any mods, oh no. We're talking 1400 hp and 1100 lb-ft of torque. Did I mention the 'bird in question started life as an '86 with 185k+ miles on the clock? Yeah, that's how it started. I'm predicting how it finishes involves a loud "boom" followed by tiny bits of neo-viking softly pattering down to the ground.
A new book is claiming "[t]he UFO crash at Roswell was actually Josef Stalin’s “War of the Worlds” stab at mass panic using German flying “discs” carrying deformed children aviators engineered by Nazi mad doctor Josef Mengele." Because a weather balloon is just so much harder to believe.
Oh noes! One of our favorite and colorful characters of Celebrity Rehab succeeded in OD'ing.
Grease star Jeff Conaway is in a deep coma in hospital after taking an overdose of painkillers, it has emerged.The actor, who played T-Bird Kenickie in the classic 1978 film, is unlikely to pull through, according to his manager.
Conaway has now been in a California hospital for a week after being found unconscious on the floor of his Encino home on May 11.
This is one messed up guy.
Thomas said not only were the bodies not refrigerated but the containers of remains were actually stacked, allowing the remains to be exposed if the containers fell open. Maggots were also seen on the boxes and the surrounding floor."If you are unable to refrigerate them you leave them with the funeral homes or seek assistance from another source," Thomas said. "Lambert kept accepting the bodies from different funeral homes despite the fact that he couldn't take care of them."
Here is a sad fact, when we send cats out for cremation at my work, they come back in 24-48 hours. Wouldn't you want to know where your loved one is if you don't get them back within a week?
Ok, if labor loses a race in West Virginia... well, that's pretty much like having your mom, YOUR mom, admitting you may not be all that attractive. To your face. When you're 14. I thought libertarianism would never catch on, until Obama won the White House...
The curious Australian practice of "planking" has claimed it's first victim. No, it's not some strange thing a jackaroo thought to do to a sheep, it's the practice of... oh, hell, go take a look. SFW.
A German hairdresser has won the World Beard and Mustache Championship. Oh go on, you know you can't resist.
And in today's, "Asians are the weirdest people" file, we have (eventually) the story of an erotic 3D movie who's principal is the recipient of a donkey wang transplant. Sorry, folks, "3D donkey penis" is so far beyond where I'd draw the line it's on the other side of the world. Sheesh...
The shark, which was confirmed as a great white by a state expert, was circling the carcass of a minke whale off of Gay Head, said Reginald Zimmerman, a spokesman for the Executive Office of Energy and Environmental Affairs.Jeff Lynch of Chilmark, a commercial fisherman who sails out of Menemsha, said he was headed out to go mackerel fishing this morning with two friends when they spotted the dead whale, then saw the great white swimming around underneath it.
Yes, Jaws is alive and in Martha's Vineyard!
Ok, I'll admit, Olivia has a particular sense of humor. But she never... presented... one of her toys. Hey, I'm not judging. The video is horrifying and hysterical at the same time. Which is the point. If this doesn't somehow win an AFV prize there is no justice in the world.
Sometimes... well, sometimes you literally have to scratch your head. Like when a guy with a sexual fetish involving slashing exercise balls gets arrested, again. Let's all ponder that one for a moment. Nope, still doesn't make any sense.
After years of struggling with his sexuality, Chaz Bono finally opened up about his transition from female to male on the Oprah Winfrey show today. The 42-year-old, who was born the daughter of singer and actress Cher and the late Sonny Bono, was christened Chastity, and spotted regularly - all blonde locks and cutesy smile - on the couple's TV show in the 70s.But in a moving interview, Bono told Winfrey that he felt his body was 'literally betraying' him when he went through puberty, as he watched in horror as it changed shape from athletic to curvy.
Why would you want to spill your guts out on something like this?
Need some attention maybe? Hmm?
For those of you who think today's advertisers cannot sink to any lower depths, we proudly present this 50 year-old Pepsi advertisement which declares Coke's rival is the "force fluid" of choice for restrained mental patients. Oh, I know. The only reason they don't do it now is the reaction it'd trigger.
What do you get when you combine a guinea pig feeder with a pencil sharpener? Well, the Japanese call it "telekiss." Well, ok, they don't, more like "Telluu Kissuu" but you get the point. Or straw, if you get my drift.
That guy that's been knocking on people's doors all morning? You know, the one with a pitchfork and horns on his head? Red skin, parka, snow on his shoulders, trying to get us all to knock it off? Just hand him this last straw. That's right, folks, PETA itself not only said nice things about the military, they're even sending them chocolate, and you won't believe the kind of mold they used.
Like any other baby, Stanley sleeps in a crib, wears diapers, and loves nothing better than being comforted by his mother as she bottle feeds him.Except Stanley Thornton is 30-years-old - and his 'mother' is really his room-mate.
Not right. I need eye bleach!
Yvette Vickers, an early Playboy playmate whose credits as a B-movie actress included such cult films as “Attack of the 50-Foot Woman” and “Attack of the Giant Leeches,” was found dead last week at her Benedict Canyon home. Her body appears to have gone undiscovered for months, police said..
They said she might have been dead for a year!
I'll give the communists this... they certainly knew how to build... well, ok, wait a minute. I have no idea what the hell they thought they were building. You, over in the commie section of the peanut gallery! You're an engineer! How's all that, well, you know... work?
It's illegal to import live snakeheads into New York because they have been known to devour fish, ducks and mammals, upending the aquatic food chain in rivers and lakes."It is disheartening that people are willing to take a chance of these fish escaping and wreaking havoc on our eco-system for mere monetary gain," said Queens District Attorney Richard Brown
When there is $ involved, most of the time people like Yong Hao Wu could give a shit about the eco system. Look at the rest of the crap they introduced, and managed to ruin as well.
*With vomit worthy photo*
The event is a bit like karaoke, its organizers say, but instead of singing performers take the stage - fully clothed - and put on their best sex moves with an imaginary partner. The show begins at 10 p.m. Thursday at Stonefly Brewery, 735 E. Center Drive."These are gladiators, warriors . . . all making pretend love to imaginary partners," Trew said. "Hopefully some people will show up in costumes with choreographed routines."
The question is WHY???
A 78 year old woman who was accidentally dropped into the Arctic Ocean has died. 26 degree water for 8 minutes, no less. Can you say "gramma-sickle"? I knew you could...
It's official: E.T. lives in Russia, not Roswell, and he's really, really tiny. With video! Oh, don't worry, I don't think so either. But it does make for a fun start to a Thursday!
"Everyone showers, and everyone encounters this issue," Ross told AOL News. "I just wanted to create a simple solution to a very common problem that people don't often discuss."Ross came up with the idea for the product in his own bathroom after his fiancee had a traumatic post-shower experience of her own.
"She got out of the shower and accidentally used my towel. When she realized what she'd done, she was thoroughly grossed out and found herself wondering where my towel had been. I didn't know how to answer that since I really didn't know myself. That sparked the idea for the towel," Ross said.
I have a better idea. It's called get another towel.
Air traffic controllers at Andrews Air Force Base ordered the first lady's plane to make a series of maneuvers to avoid contact with the 200-ton C-17 military jet as it approached the airport. Eventually, controllers decided to abort the 737's scheduled landing after they determined the military plane would not have enough time to clear the runway before the presidential plane arrived.
What is up with ATC lately?
Another day, another remarkably horrifying video of the Japanese tsunami. I find it remarkable how the Japanese manage to not QUITE video tape the moment someone gets washed away in this thing. I guess they're just not as morbid as I am. Oh, and what an f-ing mess!
Mark gets a no-prize that should serve as a lesson to all gun enthusiasts for bringing us this graphic lesson in why pistol powder and rifle powder don't mix. I didn't even know there was such a difference. I'll stick to small helicopters. Less likely to kill.
LOS ANGELES (KTLA) -- Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband says he and his wife are planning to have a baby with the help of artificial insemination and a surrogate mother.According to Anhalt, his 94-year-old wife has always dreamed of having a child with him -- preferably a boy -- to carry on the Gabor name, because "when she goes, the whole family will be gone."
Odd.
Alternate title: A380: 1, puddle jump jet: 0. With video! Fortunately, nobody got hurt. I'm thinking there will be plenty of blame to go around for this one, but the place to start will likely be the airport's taxi controller. Good times...
Japan's nuclear safety commission has now declared Fukushima a disaster of epic proportions. The article includes this helpful definition: "One terabecquerel is one trillion becquerels." Ya don't say!
"AMCG," we hear you ask, "that recent Southwest flight peeling open like a ripe can of sardines... well, it got me thinking. Just what would happen to a person if the can opener started right above their head at 30,000 feet?" Fear not, gentle one-time-skydiver, AMCGLTD is on the case! And that, friends, is why we both sit with seat belts synched down tight whenever we fly.
Remember that Mythbusters episode when they ginned up experiments to see if explosive decompression could suck someone out of a cockpit? All they really had to do was ask this guy. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if the episode was inspired by the story, but I don't recall them actually mentioning it in the film.
Coming soon to an Indian buffet near you: dead chick curry. And all this time I thought it was rural Korean cuisine we needed to be careful about.
Literally, this guy was on Howard Stern last week. Tonight, he was on the TIVO talking about his "Tuggers".
Just when you thought mainland China couldn't get any more twisted, streetcorners in Beijing start sprouting vendors selling live animals sealed in bags as "key chains." Yes, it's cruel, no, it's not illegal. That said, the advice at the end of the article is quite good: if people stop buying them, vendors will stop selling them.
Headline: Water Walking Balls Have Risk Of Suffocation Drowning And Injury. Personally, I think they should be called "Jesus Balls." What? You really didn't think I'd pass that opportunity up, did you?
Ok, ok, a Wisconsin GOP congressman stepped on his own crank on camera, I get it. But... dude!!! Duffy ended up an f-'ing politician! I remember watching this guy on Real World and Road Rules. The mind boggles.
Update: He married Rachel, and they have six kids! There really is life after MTV. Who knew?
Fox News headline: "Japan's Nuclear Rescuers: 'Inevitable Some of Them May Die Within Weeks'" Content of article reveals: they literally rang up one of the workers' moms and let her sob into the phone for an hour. Look, I get it that the workers are heroes and are doing amazing things. But his mom? I'm over 40 and my mom still worries when I catch a cold. Moms are not a source for objective news.
I don't know, I guess I shouldn't be surprised Adam Ant is now a fat middle-aged white guy. Ellen's always amazed at how naive we all were about sexuality in the 80s. All I can say is when the guy wearing makeup and Indian feathers ended up being straight while the guy in the jacket and jeans was not, well, how were we supposed to get it right?
Another day, another amazing video of just how destructive a tsunami can be. I'd like to think the people who lived and worked in all those buildings had long since evacuated to higher ground. "Prevarication in this instance may help."
Lisa, a full-time carer, said she was sceptical when her children started complaining about hearing noises and seeing objects move on their own.But she became suspicious after her pet dog was mysteriously killed last October after apparently being shoved down the stairs.
I'd move. '
Reason I only want small helicopters, #5: the batteries won't literally blow my garage to pieces if things go wrong. Then again, it may all be a hoax. Still, food for thought.
Ok, Ellen's been annoyed, more than once, by dog owners who use our yard without picking up the mess. But even she has never been quite this annoyed. The price of real liberty would at times seem to include wacky people doing stupid things. Fortunately nobody got killed.
In some places (like Texas!) the spiders can cocoon entire trees. Unlike the article's author, as long as they stay in their damned trees, I think anything that can kill zillions of mosquitoes at a time is just about as angelic as it can get.
The couple choose and name the "girls" together and go shopping once a month for new outfits, wigs and make-up, costing £100,000 so far.
Uh...uncomfortable moment.
With a video too! SFW!
"We have a duty to ensure the safety of our guests, our employees and other volunteers, and we take that responsibility very seriously," said Craig Pugh, the zoo's executive director and chief executive officer. "We will not tolerate such action. We are fully cooperating with law enforcement in its active investigation, and appreciate the close coordination between zoo security and the Tampa Police Department."
This is why you escort your kids into public restrooms. You wind up with sick S*%t like this!
The teens thought it was a ghost, but when they went to the bedroom on the third floor of the home, the boy noticed that the door to the room was closed, although he had remembered leaving it open, Dangerfield said.YUCK!
Well, duh: capitalism may be to blame for the lack of life on Mars. No, sorry, that really is what he said. Hey, if it means a one-way trip for Micheal Moore, I'm all for it.
Everyone's favorite symbol for pederasts (and, really, who DOESN'T have a favorite symbol for pederasty?) is featured prominently in an ad for a computer repair center founded in part by a convicted sex offender. Supposedly everything is on the up-and-up, as it were, and this is all a gigantic coincidence. Me? Meh...
In the, "I'm surprised it's taken this long" box, we now have an iPhone app that promises to help "cure" homosexuality. Naturally, some people have a problem with this, which is fine with me. Predictably, some of those people want the app pulled outright, which is not fine with me. "If you don't like it, don't watch it" would, it seems, only apply to the "correct" sort of speech.
Chris gets a... a no-prize for bringing us a guy who stuffed a cellphone, MP3 player, headphones, cash, and some pot up his backside before going to jail. Bonus: TSG invents "Keystered." I've long known junkies were stupid. I had no idea they were, well, a specific sort of flexible.
They told me if I voted for John McCain the next administration would use the school system itself to spy on my children, and they were right! Oh, and the section of the peanut gallery going, "you're just exaggerating what's actually a very minor policy change?" Yeah, let's all go back in time to 2002, to other sorts of protests you've obviously forgotten.
Nothing quite like a collection of "swipe-able" before and after pictures to put a natural disaster into perspective. Not much else to say, really.
And then there's this...
A Maryland woman arriving home by herself has been killed by her own car. And that, folks, is why God invented the parking brake.
First the building's there, then it's not. Go for the amazing footage. Stay for the ridiculously inane commentary. Remember, folks, they're paid to be pretty and read well, but not to think.
SAN FRANCISCO (CBS 5) — An eleventh-grade honors student from Windsor High School survived a plunge off San Francisco’s famed Golden Gate Bridge on Thursday, authorities and onlookers told CBS 5.The 17-year-old was participating in a humanities class field trip and crossing the bridge when he jumped off between the South Tower and Fort Point into San Francisco Bay, said Windsor Unified School District Superintendent Bill McDermott.
Witnesses to the incident, which occured shortly after 11 a.m., used the word “traumatizing” to describe what they had seen.
Tera Myers, 38, was put on administrative leave at Parkway North High School this week after a student inquired about pornographic films Myers starred in during the 1990s.
Here is the real question. WHY was this kid watching porn anyway? Where are his parents? WTF? I think someone older in the recognized her, that's what I think.
You can catch the entire story here.
Today's, "ZOMG!!! Apocalypse is nigh!" sensational media story concerns anchovies and a California beach. The picture is pretty impressive. I'll bet the smell is, too.
(CNN) -- Warner Bros. Television has fired actor Charlie Sheen from its comedy "Two and a Half Men" after a two-week public meltdown by the star that has included attacks on the show's creator."After careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen's services on 'Two and a Half Men,' effective immediately," the company said in a statement issued Monday. There was no immediate response from Sheen to the news.
I tell ya, if my electives were like this, I wouldn't have skipped them so much. Go for the story, stay to speculate on the want/do not want of the couple in question. SFW.
Today's "fun fact:" the human backside can accommodate more than 30 items. The more you know...
Two words: Botas Exoticas. Even without actually speaking Spanish, I'm pretty sure that means "exotic boots." Which is what those are, in a very... pointed... way.
Ok, on the one hand, an annoying fundie getting arrested for indecent exposure is darkly amusing. On the other... way too perfect. I trust this report about as far as I can throw... something really heavy. It might be true, but it might be character assassination.
Remember the old saying about getting up with fleas? Turns out there's more to it than just not lying down with your smelly old dog. I thought it couldn't get worse than incontinent cats. I was wrong.
Mike J. gets a no-prize that weirdly evokes Custer's Last Stand for bringing us news that "grown-up" games are coming (as it were) to the Wii. Unfortunately the video's gotten blocked, so the incomplete text is all we have. I'm actually a bit surprised it's taken this long.
The 25-year-old Staten Island mother, and we use the term lightly, told reporters she said to the precinct officer in front of her daughter, "What happens if a parent doesn't want their child?"She should have been charged with stupidity, because the 6-year-old will never forget that as long as she lives.
Picture? Wonder no more at the losers they are.
Fast fact: It is illegal to deliver the Gettysburg Address on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial without permission from the U.S. National Park Service.
Can we say that park officer was having a bad day.
Asinine!
Another day, another group of propeller-heads prattling on about how "bugs is good eatin'!" I'll believe we're in a genuine food crisis when the US no longer needs to prop up crop futures with subsidies. Tip to the nerds: we pay farmers not to produce around here. All the developed countries do.
The national Christmas tree, a Colorado blue spruce that has stood on the spot since 1978, has been blown down. The mulching of the snapped tree is scheduled for later today, apparently. The winds here really are ridiculous. Dulles is making airplanes fly an approach I've never seen before, well to the East of the normal approach vectors.
Making the rounds: a woman died at work sitting in her cubicle, but nobody noticed until the next day. A Saturday, no less. I've heard that the only way to get government workers out was feet first, but I didn't think anyone meant it literally.
Making the rounds: recent rumors give Steve Jobs only weeks to live. Zsa Zsa Gabor has been trying to die for what seems like years now, so I guess anything can happen. Still, 55 is way too early.
A 60 year old dudecicle is found in an unheated Chicagoland apartment. In February. "Officials" say death was likely cold-related. There's a reason why they stick interns and newbie reporters on the night beat. This is the reason.
A BRITISH local council is planning to use excess energy from a crematorium incinerator to heat one of its swimming pools, it emerged today, but critics slammed the proposals as "sick".
Her attempt was foiled, however, when her motorised cart got stuck in the exit door.
What has Oakland Co. come to. Tsk Tsk.
YOUR tax dollars at work right there. The scooter, her mental anguish causing her to overeat and have bad joints and not be able to work, but to sit there and watch T.V. and shoplift. Disability benefits at it's best! WIN!
Oh yeah, and Obama wants to help this.
Villagers in a small UK town are outraged because police have informed them they must remove the wire covering their sheds' windows to ensure burglars don't get hurt. Always remember equality is much more important than your stuff, and fairness only works in the direction our superiors wish. They have our best interests at heart, after all.
When asked the question, "which country with nuclear weapons has a population in which a significant percentage believes the sun revolves around the earth, humans lived with dinosaurs, and radiation is man-made" would, since you read our ever-so-neutral MSM, answer "The United States, Sir!" Heck it may even be true. But it's not the only answer.
I'm not sure just how seriously someone claiming the Denver International Airport is... ok, I'm not quite sure what they're claiming, but it involves Satan, Mayan calendars, and a lot of unnecessary concrete. Someone with a higher tolerance for lunacy should go read the text and summarize what the hell his problem is. I just scrolled down and looked at the pictures. Which, I must say, are plenty weird enough.
And, really, what airport isn't a kind of way station for the damned?
He really meant what he said: the Obama administration's upcoming budget will include $53 billion dollars for high-speed rail. Fortunately the grownups are back in charge, so I'm expecting this to literally go nowhere. Unfortunately, it shows The One is still dangerously out of touch with mainstream America.
Well, unfortunate only if you're wanting The One to get re-elected. I have a feeling you may know which side of that fence we're sitting on.
And in the "What a Way to Go" file we have a man in California who was stabbed to death by a fighting rooster. Remember, folks, guns don't kill people, cocks kill people.
What? You really thought I had the power to resist that? You don't come around here all that much then, do you?
Another day, another teen too stupid to follow the basic rules of handgun safety. The only time I remember my dad genuinely scaring me was when he explained, in graphic detail, what he would do to me if he ever caught me treating a gun like a toy. The rules he laid out have stuck with me to this day, one of which is: do not play with loaded guns.
Of course, then there was the time he blew a hole in the carpet with a shotgun he got careless with, but nobody's perfect.
Sometimes the brain gets crossed up for reasons nobody really understands. I always like the simple illusions best. I had a tough time back in the late 80s when those "holographic" posters were so popular. They always looked like colored snow to me.
As the Northeast Regional 111 train chugged south about 8:30 a.m., an engineer spotted the majestic bird and blasted his horn. At first, the eagle didn't budge, Koppie said. Then it slowly took off - too late. The train arrived at Washington Union Station two hours later with the bird stuck to the locomotive, like an emblem.
A mental hospital in the US state of Oregon is trying to identify the cremated remains of 3,500 patients that were hidden in a storage room for decades.
Two words I never expected to see together: corkscrew castration (SFW). Bonus: the accused admits to kicking the ever-lovin' crap out of the victim, but denies killing him. Look, I get the whole "men never ever hit women" meme, but if a chick comes after my personals with a corkscrew I'm sorry, it's on.
The Icelandic Phallological Museum contains a collection of two hundred and nine penises and penile parts belonging to almost all the land and sea mammals that can be found in Iceland. Visitors to the museum will encounter fifty five specimens belonging to sixteen different kinds of whale, one specimen taken from a rogue polar bear, thirty-six specimens belonging to seven different kinds of seal and walrus, and one hundred and fifteen specimens originating from twenty different kinds of land mammal: all in all, a total of two hundred and nine specimens belonging to forty six different kinds of mammal. It should be noted that the museum has also been fortunate enough to receive legally-certified gift tokens for four specimens belonging to Homo Sapiens. Besides there are some twenty-three folklore specimens and forty foreign ones. Altogether the collection contains 272 specimens from 92 different species of animals.In addition to the biological section of the museum, visitors can view the collection of about three hundred artistic oddments and other practical utensils related to the museum´s chosen theme.
Well...err...someone has to collect them.
No matter how well designed or engineered, sometimes you can't count on the highway to save you. I wonder if the car had traction control on it? Regardless, something tells me nobody would blame the car's driver if an underwear change was in order.
Well, hey, if a lady can make her living selling cast bronze lynx penis bone necklaces, who am I to take exception. Aaand all together, now: "No Ellen, You Can't Have One."
Much better than last time.
Suddenly the Japan v. China "who's the weirdest" test was interrupted when a Brit ran onto the field. Food? In the smoke? It's more likely than you think...
And in today's "sometimes there's no improving on the actual text" file we have "Scott Riddell, founder of Diavolo Brands, which is marketing Canna Cola, likened it to a "light beer" and said "it's got a mild marijuana taste," compared with heavier tasting competitors with three times the THC".
Which of course means there are other weed sodas in California. And now this guy's gonna start running ads. I love this country!
I guess "soft landing" is a relative thing when someone jumps off the roof of a building. Surviving is not the same thing as walking away, and it sounds as if she's pretty thoroughly injured. Don't try this at home!
And now, a human anatomy ballgown. That'd be another volley in the game of "who's weirder, China or Japan?" Ball's in Nihon's court now, bring on the tentacles!
Yeah. About those "max weight limit" signs? Sometimes bad things happen when you ignore them. Hopefully the driver got out OK.
Ever wonder what a residential gas explosion looks like up close? Wonder no more. Matchsticks in a tenth of a second, indeed.
Making the rounds: Playboy is planning an uncensored edition of Playboy for the iPad. Of all the genuinely bizarre things modern technology allows, looking at pr0n* in public has got to be right at the top. And then there's the problem of keeping the thing clean.
EWWWW!!!
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* In the case of Playboy, this is of course to be taken in its broadest sense.
Bull sharks have been spotted swimming down the main street of an Australian town 16 miles from the coast. Leave it to the Australians to decide a gigantic wall of water just isn't enough. It's gotta be a wall of water full of sharks!
BUCHAREST (Reuters Life!) - There was nothing mysterious about the death of a flock of birds in Romania last week -- they were simply drunk, veterinarians said.Odd.
Okay, idiots, it goes like this: God is mad that we repealed Don't Ask Don't Tell, because the more honest we allow people to be about their sexuality, the more likely they are to someday marry one another, in violation of "biblical principles." So, God decided to kill some blackbirds in the sky. He wanted to connect the bird massacre to Bill Clinton, because he introduced DADT, but he felt like killing them over Clinton, Arkansas would be too obvious. So he murdered those blackbirds in Bebee, AR, to connect them to the current governor, who connects them to the former governor.
Bat shit crazy person alert!
PHOENIX — Arizona legislators quickly approved emergency legislation Tuesday to head off picketing by a Topeka, Kan., church near the funeral service for a 9-year-old girl who was killed in the Tucson shootings.Unanimous votes by the House and Senate sent the bill to Gov. Jan Brewer, who signed it Tuesday night. It took effect immediately.
Without specifically mentioning the Tucson shooting, the law prohibits protests at or near funeral sites.
Really WBC? One day an entire crowd is going to beat the living shit out of you all.
Asswipes.
Making the rounds: Neapolitan man survives gunshot wound and sneezes the bullet out of his nose, thereby inventing the world's first small-caliber booger.
Sometimes, all you need is a summary: woman celebrates the birth of her daughter after they both survived a tornado and a falling cow. Definitely not something that comes up very often on storm chasers, the whole "flying livestock" thing.
And in today's issue of "Clueless Scientist Monthly," we have the idea that meat producers should switch to bug farming because of insects' smaller carbon footprint. Fortunately, this one comes to us courtesy of a Netherlands science group, so at least my tax dollars weren't used to fund this "study." Quick! To the private jets! It's time for another climate conference to discuss the implications! I hear Antigua is very nice this time of the year.
CNN: Hundreds of people may have been exposed to Hepatitis A during a Christmas day mass. Yeah, not the greatest gift for the season right there.
It would seem an adequate number of trumpet players has been found. Of course, "beginning of the end" is a pretty easy one to predict. Me, I'll wait until the angels start arcing across the sky, hopefully with enough time for me to yell "HA-HA!" at Joshua. And Ron.
Another day, another chick waking up dead from a botched plastic surgery. Yet another reason to follow the ol' "eat less, exercise more" weight loss method.
If you're 37-year-old Michigan telemarketer Dave Cat, you have the $6,500 rubber lady "reincarnated." Which is to say, you commission an exact replica of her to be stripped, molded and painted. And you bring her back from the freakin' dead.
Funny this is, he was in a TV show called TABOO.
Yuck.
Just when you thought Japan was the wackiest Asian country, China comes along and ups that very weird ante. Ya know, giving yourself a parasitic infection to lose weight is an idea so crazy it just might work. Not.
Remember that pizza delivery guy who got blown up in a bizarre bank robbery scheme? The uncut video that seemed to be required viewing six, seven years ago? Yeah, they're still not completely sure just what the hell actually happened there. Not often you get to say, "dude gets his face blown off, and then it gets weird."
Remember, folks, guns don't kill people, neck massagers kill people. Another day, another freak accident triggers a new ridiculous warning label on an appliance.
Ever wonder why any piece of powered equipment you buy nowadays is covered in so many ridiculously stupid warning stickers you can barely see the paint? This is why. F- kids, how grownups managed to survive all those decades without warning stickers I never will know.
Making the rounds: Hugh Hefner is getting married for the third time, to a 24 year-old playmate. Meh. She's a grownup, it's not like anyone's making her do this. Plus she'll have him around for, what, ten, fifteen years, tops? Hey, I hear the guy has a nice house, how bad can it be?
And you thought figuring out what to do with that puce sweater gramma gave you was tough: the Iraqi government is trying to decide what to do with an entire Koran written with Saddam Hussein's blood. Seven freaking gallons of the stuff, no less. Seems like he had a really great idea back in the late 90s, and the project took two years to complete. Just when you thought everyone's favorite Arab fascist couldn't get any weirder...
"He actually provided a how-to guide to commit sexual battery against children," according to Judd, who said he was shocked and mortified by specific examples and illustrations using 9- and 13-year-old boys.Judd said he was frustrated that Greaves' book was protected under freedom of speech laws, even though it was created "specifically to teach people how to sexually molest and rape children."
I hope they put this guy away for quite a long time.
And we all know what happens to child rapists and killers in prison? They usually don't make it out alive themselves.
The guy WROTE a HOW TO guide. You would think he would have been put away for publishing it!
Yeah, I know, You'll see Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Drowneder and Blitzen is much funnier, but I gotta try to be original. This would also make for a really nifty redneck trap.
New York City beekeeper Cerise (seh-REEZ') Mayo was puzzled when her bees started showing up with mysterious red coloring. Their honey also turned as red as cough syrup.
Read full story here.
I cannot wait for my house in the country so I can have my small bee colony!
Oklahoma has become the first US state to execute an inmate with drugs commonly used to euthanize animals. Ellen's been advocating this sort of thing for years. She thinks it's likely cheaper than the existing protocol, and just as effective. Hey, man, that's just how she rolls...
What most dads threaten boyfriends with, this German guy actually did. I'd be more along the lines of, "beat within an inch of his life" rather than, "whack off the dangly bits," but I do have to say I can see where this guy was coming from.
Kids like that learn to beat other people, not just animals. His parents suck.
I've heard of blood transfusions and organ transplants, but poo transplants? Yeah, I'd like to see more science first, too. Colitis is both deadly and miserable, so if someone has found an effective treatment, I'm all for it no matter how gross it might be. But it does need to actually work.
What happens when you combine a guy who dresses like a chick, an un-fire-able bureaucrat, and the state of California? If you said, "lawsuit-ilarity," come down and collect your prize. The worst part is this'll likely drag on for years, cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and not resolve a damned thing. Hooray for government, actual!
Regional figures show icicles kill dozens of Russians each year. Local authorities responsible for regularly clearing roofs of snow and ice are usually blamed.
Not only do they have to worry about starving to death, dying of alcohol poisoning and other Soviet fun, they have to worry about this!
The (Peoria) Journal Star says the woman attendant told police Thompson asked for "extra nuts" for the squirrel, and began petting it as if it were still alive. She says when she said she didn't think the squirrel was real, Thompson tossed it through the window at her and then drove off.
Read entire quip here.
Oh wait... I forgot, this was the airport that let the planes fly into the NY Trade Centers too.
With pixes!
Watch how one guy gets pulled into the grave too... poor dude.
Bad weather, resulting in 30-foot waves in the Antarctic's Drake Passage, was said to have caused the technical damage, leaving the 160 people on board at the mercy of the sea.With a video!
Glad you are OK Cindy! Go back to rescuing homeless animals!
Bad: explosives-laden home is discovered in a suburban neighborhood. Worse: It's in a state that'll turn getting rid of it into a decade-long project costing millions of dollars. I'd imagine that other places (west Texas, central Ohio, basically any place that has fun fireworks) would be shouting "watch this!" and throwing a match in.
Ok, I admit it, I occasionally follow a few of the ridiculous pop-culture dramas that regularly stream out of Hollywood. I, too, had wondered just what the hell had gone wrong with Randy Quaid. After reading this in-depth profile of him and his wife, I'm still wondering what the hell's gone wrong. It's awfully easy to blame a kooky wife. Then again it's damned rare for two people to fall into the deep end of the crazy pool at the same time. I can only hope they learn to swim out before they drown.
No, really, when cellphones attack. Lucky for me, I hate talking on the phone and therefore do it as little as possible. Ellen? Well, let's just say if exploding cellphones really were a deadly problem, I would've been a life insurance beneficiary long before now.
No, really, why would anyone have a problem with a "snow klansman," complete with hanging noose in one hand? Yeah, it's Idaho, so the eight or so black people who live in the state almost certainly didn't see the thing. From the article, the man in question sounds like a hateful old kook who's annoying but basically harmless. I'm just glad he knocked it down on his own, because I'm pretty sure teenagers in the area would've been less discriminant about it.
Making the rounds: the recent snow storm in the Buffalo area has left drivers stranded on the highway for more than 12 hours. Ok, normally I tell people we don't drive our Alfas in the winter because of the road salt. It never occurred to me it might be possible for me to be forced to camp out in one. Yeah, gonna put this in the, "reasons I don't ever, EVER, want to live in the snow shadow of the great lakes" file, that's for sure.
Just what everyone needs for the holidays!
The end of the world prophecies!
Making the rounds: the coffin which once held Lee Harvey Oswald's body will soon be auctioned off. What I want to know is, who'd hold onto something like that for nearly twenty years? It's not like it can be used as a coffee table or anything. Well, in a normal house, not like ours, I mean...
Yes, teenage boys wake up dead due to any number of causes. It's not at all common for them to end up that way 800 miles from where they were last seen. The latest theory is he may have fallen out of an airplane wheel well. Police, grasping at straws? Oh hell, I dunno...
Leave it to a Canadian newspaper to explain just what, exactly, is involved in a stoning. Unfortunately this time around "women with false beards on" isn't part of the equation.
Presumably tired of making the lives of veterans' families miserable, the loons of the Westboro Baptist Church have decided to picket a mosque in Dearborn, MI. It's listed as being the largest mosque in the states, so I'm thinking the vast majority of attendees are just normal people trying to get by. Unfortunately, as with any religious community, simple statistics means there are likely even more of the wacko kind of Muslim nearby.
In other words, they seem to have taken on a target that's much more likely to hit back.
And in the, "Thank You, Captain Obvious" folder we find this morning the revelation that city morgue workers treat dead bodies the way the DMV treats everyone else. When you deal with it every day, even the grimmest duty can become routine.
"Doing bad things to dead people" trifecta now in play...
It's now been revealed that, for some forty years, pathologists in the UK routinely removed organs of certain deceased "nuclear workers" without notification or consent of the families of the deceased. Yeah. Tacky.
No, really, Australian pro rugby athlete now unemployed after a picture of him doing... something... with a dog gets loose on the internet. The specifics are not in the article, and I'm pretty happy with that. Dog seems to have been unharmed.
Ok, not completely sure it's real, but if it is, this, friends, is an abject lesson about why one "must keep hands, feet, and head in the ride at all times." SFW and not gross, but dang, I bet that left a mark.
Making the rounds: a naked stoner high out of his mind who was arrested on burglary charges was later found to have a mouse stuffed up his backside. For the longest time, folks said rodent felching was a myth. Somehow, I would've been happier holding onto that illusion, ya know?
The Winnipeg Humane Society is calling for a protest over an item in a holiday gift guide — a piggy bank made out of a real piglet, stuffed and mounted.I wonder if they have a cork on the belly?
Making the rounds: a mysterious contrail has been filmed off the coast of California. The armed services aren't claiming it, so officially nobody knows what it might be. Unofficially, current betting is favoring a contrail being lit in a strange way by the setting sun. I'll put a $5 chip down on that square, too.
A Carnival cruise ship is stuck off the west coast of Mexico with broken engines and a full load of passengers. Tow assistance is expected (if I'm reading it correctly) some time tomorrow. Meanwhile, the Coasties are there to, well, I guess make sure Somali pirates or drug lord ships don't crash the party. At least everyone knows where the toilet is, and I hope the folks with lower-level outside balconies brought umbrellas.
Well, if you weren't in the mood to watch the race, maybe the armed assaults at the Brazilian Grand Prix were of interest. Well, they're on to Abu Dabi now, so it'll be much safer there. Right?
Turns out it's a lot harder to stuff explosives in a dog than it is to stuff them in a printer cartridge. The stuff that starts leaking out of a dog is, you know, important. Oh, don't worry, I know, I blame Dick Cheney too.
And in the, "I'm actually surprised it's taken this long" file, we have the blow-up Obama sex doll for sale in China. I mean... well, hell, if we stopped featuring weird, tasteless items you wouldn't come around here so much, eh? Oh, really, tell the truth!
Ever wonder why the engine dyno is in another room? Yeah, this is why. You'd think when it started making the really weird whining sound someone would've hit a kill switch somewhere. That's a damned expensive bomb right there, folks.
This is why I have no plans to go camping in the bush any time soon. Wait... hang on... dammit, someone throw a bucket of water on Ron. He just passed out from giggling.
The object is about 4 feet in diameter. It has moved about 6 feet down the shoreline in the last 24 hours. It 'jiggles' when the waves in the lake hit it… when we prod it, it seems to be spongy feeling… The texture appears to be that of a rock with algae spots on it — it is brown and yellow, with a pattern of some type.
This is when you get it out of the water and get it tested.
Sometimes the lead says it all: A person accused of murdering a cross-dressing human rights lawyer is a man undergoing a sex change, it was revealed today. Quick! Get them a reality show!
Of all the excuses not to visit a grave site, I think roving bears eating the corpses is one of the better ones. You'd think someone with an AK-47 and a desire for a trophy would take care of this problem relatively quickly.
And that, friends, is why God invented roll cages. And helmets, and Hans devices, and, well, you get the picture. He walked away, sure, but I bet he was saying, "ow ow ow ow ow" while he did it. That's one seriously rung bell right there, yup.
A time traveler, an alien or just someone with hearing trouble? Watch and decide for yourself.
You have to watch the film.
Ok, I love hot sauce. I put it on nearly everything, but I'm smart enough to read the LABEL before dousing my food with it!
Soon after ingesting the chili mixed with the substance provided by defendant John Doe, Timothy Caleb Gann began to suffer a severe physical reaction, including the flaring-up of hives on his skin, difficulty breathing and severe pain and inflammation of his digestive system including his mouth and throat," the complaint states.
Some people are just stupid.
Perineal therapy is as ubiquitous in France as free nursery schools, generous family allowances, tax deductions for each child, discounts for large families on high-speed trains, and the expectation that after a paid, four-month maternity leave mothers are back in shape — and back at work.
Doesn't France have other issues more concerning than this to spend their ZERO budget on?
One without the pastor with ED.
Ms Ashby, a single mother, said she knew when she was filming the ad that it was in poor tasteBut she said she had taken the job because of the money.
"My Visa was calling out for mercy," she said.
"It was against my better judgment to it. I don't like to offend people."
Ms Ashby, who didn't say which Christian church she attended, said the Bible spoke clearly about sex.
Lady jut go take your ball and play at another playground.
If collecting more than 22 grams of belly-button lint doesn't qualify as, "too much time on your hands," I'm not sure what does. It only took him 26 years! What I think is even weirder is how it seems to have changed color over the years.
Ok, tip to the wannabe journalist trying to break into the English language business: running your story through a Google translator results in sub-optimal results. Sub-optimal, but entertaining nonetheless: "A charge of abashed cartage acquired the baby aircraft to lose antithesis and tip over in mid-air during an centralized flight in the Democratic Republic of Congo. "
Young men, frozen in the Great White North, on a lake, with a gun. Let's spin some bullets! No, really! Far as I can tell, it's legit. Stupid, but legit.
A UK nuclear submarine has run aground. No injuries and no release of radiation, apparently, so that's a relief. It'll probably be a cold relief to the CO and who knows how many of the senior officers, though. Navies tend to view people who drive their expensive ships into the ground with something less than kindness.
Nothing quite like finding a flash-frozen frog in your veggies to ruin the night's meal. With ribbity picture goodness! Damned critters'll get into the craziest places.
Oh yeah, the Mom is the fat one, not the kid!
How bout just purchasing healthy stuff to eat? Or rather how bout not eating your kid's portion of food.
No, really, when chimps attack! Luckily nobody got hurt. You'd think that, after that whole, "chimp rips woman's face and hands off with his teeth" thing a few years ago, people would be smarter than this. Then again, when are people EVER smarter than this?
Remember when they tell you to keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times? Yeah, looks like we should've mentioned keeping your head in, too. Can you say, "closed casket?" I knew you could...
The guy who created Glee has been tapped as the director of a Rocky Horror remake. That sound you heard was basically, well, all of my in-laws suddenly crying out in terror. And, now that you mention it, most of my friends, too. Me? Not quite twenty-five years ago I'd never seen it, and was nearly talked into dressing up as Frankfurter. I've been ambiguous about the flick ever since. Not that, you know, there's anything wrong with that.
Ok, note to rich egomaniacs: don't tick off a well-funded news organization. Nothing good comes from it. I'd like to think a story like this would put paid to the left's argument that money and Republicans have ensured rich people can do bad things with impunity around here. Yeah, don't worry, I'm not holding my breath over it.
The things people can do nowadays with leather and plastic, well, you just wouldn't believe. It's Saturday, don't worry if it's SFW. That said, I looked at that first one nearly upside down, and I'm still not completely sure what's going on there. I'm sure it's naughty, I'm just not completely sure how.
Another year, another journalist on a voyage of weird food discovery. I'm quite honest about being a recovering picky eater, and I am under no illusions as to my ability to look at, let alone eat, anything even vaguely weird looking or smelling. I'm hoping to rely on my usefulness with computers and cars to convince others with stronger constitutions to keep me fed when the zombie apocalypse arrives.
It's all fun and games until the boss's husband starts waving his winky about. Partying at the hotel is fun enough, I guess, but do you think the written questionnaire was really necessary? SFW.
You'd think that, with all these celebrities with really bad plastic surgery, other celebrities wouldn't take the risk. And then along comes another one. It's almost as if the genes which give beauty in youth make it impossible to extend its shelf life with surgery. Either that, or it just doesn't pay to screw around with your face.
One of three drugs used in California’s current lethal injection procedure. The drug became a major issue last month when the scheduled execution of Albert Greenwood Brown was called off. During the legal tangle leading up to the stayed execution, it came out that the state’s supply of the drug expired on Friday, October 1–about five hours after the execution was supposed to happen.
I don't get why they just don't use Euthasol or Fatal-Plus that is used in animals, since technically they are.
The line is funny when it's Dorothy and the rest of the crew picking up Scarecrow. When it's the Sheriff's office picking up some lady's husband across a few counties... yeah, not so much. Ellen has scoffed more than once at these amateurs. If you do it right, you're not supposed to find anything at all, she says.
Really, what is it with greens suddenly trying to kill kids? Just one incidence I can chalk up to one out-of-touch group. But two, so close together, and on opposite sides of the globe... well, folks, that sure seems like a trend to me. I always knew they were more interested in telling people what to do than in saving anything, but I didn't know the totalitarian streak would be so easy to bring to the surface.
Actually, I know quite a few friends who likely would be very interested in a nonfiction book which follows a lamp shade made of human skin from garage sale to Buchenwald, including me. If the review is any indication, it's a monument to Mark Twain's quote on the difference between fiction and nonfiction. I think, though, that I'll wait for the trade paperback to come out. That dust cover sounds just that much too creepy.
Well, not attack so much as engage in a fantasy that the rest of us would all just, you know, explode. The original, which is way too long even with all those special effects, is here. Visions of murdering people in spectacular ways because their disagreement with you endangers everything!!!! is only fun when you keep it on the inside. Then again, it's not like the left's ever ignored an opportunity to make everyone else obey. And it always turns out so well...
No, really, when hotels attack! We had a similar problem, albeit on a much much smaller scale, when Ellen left her crystal ball on a windowsill. We'd come home from work on a sunny afternoon and would constantly smell what we thought were cigarettes, even though neither of us smoke. Eventually when we got around to sorting books that were also on the sill, we found two that'd been "lasered"... one looked like it'd been hit by ye ol' deathe raye, the other had a golf-ball sized chunk charred out of it. We moved the decoration shortly afterward.
You'd think a rich, imminently sue-able, casino developer would've taken more steps to ensure this doesn't happen. Can you say "class action suit?" I knew you could...
A box of "inert military-grade land mines" nearly managed to get itself on a passenger flight. An El Al passenger flight, no less. Thing is, if they really were inert, why did the explosives detector go off at all? Something's definitely fishy, or perhaps explode-y, about this one.
What is it with people finding luridly colorful ways of getting killed with wood chippers? I can't walk by one of the things without shivering. And boy, that's going to be a fun thing to clean up, eh?
Ok, dude, don't they have a mall out there somewhere? Did you have to do this at a Wal Mart? Bah. If most men had high standards street walkers would be out of business. So would most strip clubs.
Remember the cartoonist who thought it would be fun to cook up, "draw Mohammed day?" Yeah, I didn't either, but anyway her little stunt has forced her into hiding. It's fashionable to point out that Christians don't do this sort of thing when insulted, but I don't quite think that's true. Christian fundamentalists are quite capable of being violent if someone insults their religion. The difference is, of course, that there are a helluva lot fewer of those sorts of people, they're usually located in well-defined regions, don't travel much, and don't have such a spectacular track record.
Mike J. gets a g-d late no-prize for (eventually!) letting us know that the really attractive chick from Firefly is going to start flying around major cities for real in, like, two weeks. The 14th?!? The *14th?!?* Dude... lame.
Ooooo... Katy Perry and Elmo...
Ok, so everyone remembers that the bite of a vampire bat may be painful, but is not particularly dangerous. What nobody seems to have remembered is bats often carry rabies. That's some bad ju-ju right there, yup.
And in the, "slow news day" file, we have this breathless recycled press release about a bunch of kooks citizens concerned about flying saucers monkeying with our nukes. Hopefully the catering at the NPC is good, because I'm pretty sure the show will be a disappointment.
And now, an idiot doing a kamikaze run downhill at 80 mph on a moped. When I had my off on my bicycle last month, I was doing about 20 mph. I skidded down the asphalt for (when I went back later and measured) about thirty feet, ripped up a bunch of gear, got nasty road rash, and either tore rib cartilage or cracked one outright. It's still sore. On the bright side, falling off here, well, it wouldn't be quick, but it'd be final.
I never was this dumb.
"A huge tree limb, like 25 feet long, flew right up the street, up the hill and stopped in the middle of the air 50 feet up in this intersection and started spinning," said Steve Carlisle, 54. "It was like a poltergeist."
See.. Facebook is good when you have cousins that can complain about this on their afternoon commute!
Sometimes, no matter how hard he tries, it seems God still misses, once in awhile. Or, if you're all about infallibility, sometimes God enjoys a near miss. Or, if you're not about either, sometimes sh-t happens, and sometimes it misses you.
From the "I bet you didn't know that" file, we have the revelation that Lady Gaga's "meat dress" was meant as a protest about the way the US military treats gays. I'm sure she even explained the connection, but it's not in the article. PETA is, at least, being consistent by getting the vapors about the thing. Gaga is the real deal, I'll say that. I just wish I knew what the deal was.
Sorry, gotta say that M-cup boobs which require two implants, each, to achieve, and then force various drains and pumps to be added to fight the infection, well, sorry, just not worth it. I'm reminded of that "film" in Johnny Dangerously about elephantitis, only with boobs. Just, you know, just don't.
Yeah, they got busted because of Facebook, but this 27 year old groom and his 14 year old bride first met in person. I mean, does that even happen anymore nowadays?
According to a recent survey, the Japanese government has lost track of nearly a quarter million centenarians. Pension fraud, you say? Ya think?!? Still, having the trigger be officials discovering a thirty year-old mummy when they went by to congratulate the oldest recorded Japanese man on his birthday is wonderfully macabre.
The entire sequence from that ocean liner that got caught in a storm in 2008 has been released. A story, including a highlight reel of the same footage is here. I guess sometimes there's just no going around a big storm.
Sometimes there's no beating the lead: A dangerous criminal who has no legal right to be in Britain has gone on the run after a judge ruled that to detain him would violate his human rights. Bonus: this charmer enjoyed beating up his girlfriend.
Most of the time, going through the an old storage closet is fascinating. Especially when you find two mummified infant corpses wrapped in 1930s-era newspapers. Nobody's sure what exactly happened, but they have managed to track down the family of the owner of the luggage. Just when you think the world had run out of weirdness...
Australia strikes again, this time catching a giant spider eating a bird. Well, more like "turning it into a protein shake," but you understand the point. Every time I think it would be fun to visit down under, I read something like this. Yeah...
Ok, sometimes the quote makes the story: "I want it just like her but with bigger boobs". Article is SFW. Imagining a 50 year-old man with yet another real doll... well, yeah, that's not so safe for brain. Here, I have some mind bleach to spare.
A hoarder in Las Vegas went missing recently, only to be found imitating a Wizard of Oz witch in her own home. And that, children, is why things should occasionally be thrown away.
And in the, "no, actually, we're not making it up" file we have a guy who's making whiskey from diabetic's urine. Ok, see, all I've ever said was I thought Scotch tasted like postage stamp glue. This stuff...
Proof positive rednecks don't just live in the US: man uses a whole can of bug spray trying to kill a spider, then uses a lighter to try and see if he succeeded. Looks like folks in the UK just don't see a lot of Mythbusters episodes, donchaknow?
Investigators traced the pungent smell to a hearse owned by David B. Lawson Mortuary, the undertaker that picked up Walton's body Aug. 11. Walton, 37, who investigators think died about a week before she was discovered, was still in the back of the undertaker's vehicle.
Mine would not smell. That is what air fresheners are for.
Ya know, sometimes even I'm left speechless. You know, when some Caribbean chick writes a rap song about tickling her vagina. No, really. SFW, I dunno, sorta...
The suspects then likely had to carry the body over the cemetery fence to get away, authorities said.Voodoo I tell ya!
Leave it to a dumb teenager to create yet another spectacular car crash video. That would be all I need, getting caught up in something like that in the spider. Fortunately the only person hurt this time was the idiot behind the wheel, and it sounds like he'll be paying for his stupidity for a long, long time.
Would that they could learn such lessons more easily.
Mike J. gets a no-prize shaped like a rotting gavel for bringing us news that, in Ohio at least, your rights to your kid's remains do not trump those of the state's. I dunno, for me I think the difference would be in just why the coroner wanted to keep the kid's brain in a jar. Still, I think not notifying the family was at the very least, well, you know, tacky.
Glass eye? Glass eye? Dude, that's so 20th century. Thing is, I'd expect that, within the next five years tops, he'll be able to take high def full-motion video with the thing. Meh, his body, his cash, wtf not?
Barenaked ladies: America's Next Top Model's plus-size winner displays her curves for campaign to beat eating disorders.>
Last time I checked, shoveling food into your mouth all the time is an eating disorder.
Whatever happened to healthy? Not stick figure or fat?
This is why I don't read magazines anymore.
For the power napper who has everything: the "Snazzy Napper." I agree with the article: looks suspiciously like a burkha to me, but that's likely because I've never seen an actual one up close. I'd think it would work better in Asia, where things like surgical masks seem to be considered normal.
The good news: 33 miners have survived a collapse. The bad: it's going to take a few months to dig them out. I'm thinking the "few months" will turn out to be a "few weeks" as their story gets out. As long as they can get food and water down to them, I guess it'll all work out.
Update: Three bad links fixed in three weeks. Geeze.
China's government has, according to the article at least, decided to demolish half the country's residential buildings because of shoddy workmanship. The results are definitely spectacular, but as with most progressive good intentions, there's a down side. Rural Chinese are just as bright as you and I are. They know exactly what their chances are in those buildings. They choose to live in them anyway because they're escaping what a real, actual life in a pre-industrial countryside is like.
So, are they rich enough to build proper buildings fast enough, or will the end result be legions of peasants freezing in the streets as serviceable shelters are demolished around them?
Bah. Your side doesn't even understand the question. Sometimes I don't know why I bother...
Dr. Laura Schlessinger went on the standard white person rant about how some folks get to say the n-word and others don't, and suffers the consequences of that rule. Race really is a fundamental contradiction in our society, and has been since basically the beginning. My rule is one I got from sportscaster James Brown back when he was still doing the Fox pregame show one Sunday while the crew were talking about some football player who'd broken this very rule. "I personally think it's an unacceptable word from anyone, anywhere. There's just too much baggage," is what I recall him saying, and that's how I feel about it.
Cindy J. gets a no-prize that can't possibly be THAT innocent for bringing us an outrageous picture, and it's suspiciously "sensitive" explanation. Yah know, it doesn't matter how much of a coincidence it is, I can't imagine a Japanese immigrant in, say, 1952 1949, putting up a sign in his shop window celebrating "The Honorable Hirohito" because some damned anniversary "just happened" to fall on December 7th.
Oh, stop it. Surely they'd gotten out of the camps before then...
The couple had their hands bound behind their backs and were forced to stand in an empty field as their sentence was carried out, he said. A local Taliban commander, who contacted media but refused to give his name, confirmed the killings. "The couple confessed they had eloped together and based on their confession they were stoned to death," he said.Under Islamic Sharia law, sex between unmarried people is punishable by public beatings, while punishment for those caught in extra-marital affairs is death by stoning.
Really? And we keep trying to help help these people?
What they need is a few more thousand generations to get out of the stone age.
It seems, according to Salon at any rate, that the whole "ground zero mosque" meme is the product of a single right-wing blogger and, natch, Rupert Murdoch. So, what he's saying is, the media, and the New York Post specifically, took a straightforward story and blew it all out of proportion, just to sell more ads? Say it ain't so!
Look, I appreciate the clarification, but trying to pretend this sort of thing is the exclusive purview of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracytm went out the door when Journolist walked in.
A few hookers, a tree in the woods, a rope, hey man, that's a party. On the one hand, very, very sad. On the other, well, at least he went out in style.
Yeah, I'd think a giant hole opening up under the pool and draining it while your kids are swimming would make a person... anxious... And that, folks, is why they make you get all those annoying permits and inspections, donchaknow?
Making the rounds: a man went into a hospital thinking he had lung cancer, only to discover it was pea plant instead. Yep, pea plant. Apparently he inhaled one instead of eating it. You'd think cooking would've prevented that sort of thing.
After going missing more than two years ago, a famous French chef's body has been found in a freezer in his home. Nobody's sure if foul play was involved. The man's girlfriend has been charged with, "hiding a body." Who knew that was illegal? Anyone? Anyone? Beuhler?
Sometimes The Sun is full of crap. Except when they come up with a headline like, "Man Died in Sex Stunt with Tree." Ya know, splinters in my hand were bad enough. I always knew they'd kill, if they got stuck in other places. I woulda thought all guys'd know that. Obviously I was wrong.
Stephen Gould used to talk about how evolution wasn't disproved by the elegance of a bird's wing, but proved by the clunkiness of a panda's thumb. I say government incompetence isn't disproved by Apollo, but is proved by warehouses full of coins nobody wants, that cost more to house than they're worth, which will be produced for the foreseeable future. Yes, yes, "it's Bush's fault! It's Bush's fault!" I know I keep forgetting the chant. Did you really have to bring the stick around this time?
A market data firm, trying to figure out just what exactly it was that made the market flop around like the fish in the bottom of a boat earlier this year, have instead discovered distinct, and extremely weird, patterns in the stock market data. We're talking patterns it takes slicing the data into seconds to see, which describe trades which have no hope of succeeding. The modern equivalent of a numbers station? Skynet, signaling its minions? Two computers, farting away in the night? Who knows?
Well, I'll tell you, someone does. And they're not talking...
Ok, NASA, no need to worry about how many Space Shuttle missions might actually be in the pipe. God is on the job. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if the whole rig was engineered to survive that sort of thing. Cost enough, it better.
Making the rounds: yet another example of someone wobbling off their meds in front of a computer screen. It's just possible the author is perpetrating one enormously entertaining hoax. However, in my experience it takes a genuine loon to have that kind of energy over that amount of time.
Ok, "Man nearly killed when eel swims in bottom" reads like an editor being clever. You know, like the bottom of a lake or something. But no, it really did swim up his backside. I guess when there's more than a billion Chinese, weird stuff is going to happen more often to them just due to raw numbers.
Sometimes there's just no improving the Fark headline: Meet the Bodybuilding Neo-Nazi Porn Star Who Embalms Dead People for a Living. Ellen's two of those four. She's married, so that knocks out the third one, and she hates everyone, but as long as they stay off our lawn she couldn't give a sh-t, so that knocks out the second one. My colorful life. Let me show you it...
The first systematic survey of the Chernobyl exclusion zone has found marked, and negative, effects on wildlife. While this would at first seem to be one of those "dur" conclusions, there was (and is) plenty of anecdotal evidence that the removal of humans was increasing wildlife diversity.
Campers make sure all food is secure, campsite is properly situated, everything is arranged correctly, get eaten anyway. Inveterate camper/hikers Ron & Amber will have their, "yeah, but"'s ready, but, far as I'm concerned, that's all the proof I need to watch campers on TV, instead of being one.
Looks like something went "boom" next to a tanker, and now the captain's going to have to call Geico. I'd like to think this was hajji using a small bomb to take out a big boat, but I tend to agree the most likely cause is a nearly-dead mine from the old Iran-Iraq war. Still, that's going to take a whole lotta bondo to fix.
Put it this way... you probably don't want to go swimming in a swamp, anyway. And dude, you definitely need a bigger boat.
Don't you normally find these portraits at flea markets with tacky gold frames along with tiger blankets?
Mike J. gets a no-prize he'll need four department stamps and six forms filled out in triplicate to receive for bringing us a brilliant example of what a progressive looks like dining on ashes. "Peak state," like its cousin peak oil, is a chimera built on the assumption that everyone else is stupid and will remain so until and unless they wake up and recognize that the elite really do know what's good for them.
That everyone else is just as damned smart as they are, and that, with the proper incentives, everyone else can come up with some damned clever ideas indeed, never once occurs to the folks on the left side of the peanut gallery. Quite the opposite, they're already sneering at this, thinking how I court destruction and chaos for even mentioning the possibility.
You know, that every one of us has the potential to succeed, and that together we can do amazing things. Yeah, that's definitely a terrible thing to talk about.
Jesus is coming! Quick! Look busy!
I always liked, "Jesus Saves Sinners, and Redeems Them Later for Valuable Prizes" better.
And now, the world's strongest beer. Inside of a squirrel. Yeah, you heard me, squirrel. That would make for an interesting companion to Ellen's "vomiting frog," donchathink?
The children were enjoying Popsicles and were being bathed in vinegar, which is a common treatment for jellyfish stings. They also were given antihistamines and anti-inflammatory medications.
Really, what is this world coming too. Too many odd things going on.
2012 is only a year and a half away.
He added that the agency doesn't know whether the spiders are venomous, but that the critters are in various sizes. Agriculture officials also don't know if Guam's tropical climate can allow these spiders to thrive.
Umm...where is my shoe?
No, really, when vultures attack! As a cyclist who drives a bike that's mostly plastic, my greatest fear is Buffy the Cellphone Slayer talking to her friend and brushing on nail polish, wondering what that weird *thump* was when she accidentally drifted right across the shoulder of the road. I simply don't go fast enough to worry about BIRDS.
You remember that corvette the North Koreans didn't sink? That they definitely, quite positively didn't sink? That they would bump you on the chest in the playground and thump you over on your butt for implying that they may have sunk something which they didn't sink? Yeah, about that...
I would like to go on record to state there's a left-wing crazy that is so crazy even I, a card carrying member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, can't tie into something Obama is doing. And this bunch has nukes. Fizzly nukes, yes, but they also have eight-and-a-half bajillion artillery pieces within range of the car companies who make most of everyone else's wheels. I mean, dude...
No matter how you translate it, a Ferrari on fire is never a good thing. It appears nobody was hurt, so there is that. And yes, very lucky indeed that one of the passers-by was a big fire extinguisher!
Personally, I don't really think these things are all that beautiful. The first set of speakers looks like something Dr. Who would face off against, the last one looks like what Pixar's light would grow up into. And yes, folks, that's about how high the real high-end can get, price-wise.
The 15-by-49-foot billboard stands on the westbound side of the highway, facing eastbound traffic. The message went up June 28, paid for by Final Exit Network, a nationwide group that provides guidance to adults seeking to end a life of constant pain from incurable illness.
That is a billboard that you won't see every day.
And in the, "I see a flaw in your cunning plan" file, we have a dude who ended up dead when his plot to gain custody of his kid on a "I got shot!" plea went all pear-shaped. Or, you know, bullet-shaped, as the case may be. No, it doesn't make any damned sense to me either, but people of high intelligence typically do not turn to a life of crime, donchaknow?
And in the, "when we do it it's simple protesting but when you do it it's dangerous racism" category, we have righteous indignation that the right has stolen one of the left's most favorite memes. I thought the Bushitler stuff was ridiculous counterproductive crap, and I think this is ridiculous counterproductive crap. All three of the guys on the billboard were much more effective at being horrific bastards than any president can be. That anyone can even vaguely entertain a notion otherwise shows just how far political passion can override historical knowledge. Or, you know, common sense.
The Obama administration in general and the president in particular have come to the startling conclusion that Al Qaeda hates black people. No, really! This is important! Stop laughing! Don't you realize they lack cultural sensitivity? That they engage in hate speech against poor minorities? Ok, the laughing was bad enough. I will not abide you rolling on the ground and gasping for air.
An oil executive appears to have been targeted by a bomber. Everyone is constantly reminded by the MSM how dangerous potential right-wing violence is. The actuality, the real and constant actuality, of left-wing violence is, and sadly forever will be, given a gloss by progressives of most stripes.
And in the, "f-ing Californians need to get better hobbies" category we have the BBC reporting on the 30 year-old tradition of Cali's finest mooning Amtrak trains. The article includes a fine example of, "people who want to be seen naked generally shouldn't be seen naked," but otherwise SFW pictures.
Sometimes there's just no avoiding a crash. This stuff happens in all forms of racing. It just tends to be a lot nastier with the 2-wheeled variety.
Today's media-sensationalized warning of DOOM!!! is brought to you by CNN, and the "alarming" trend of kids using decorative contact lenses. Since you all may not be paying attention, they've decided to throw in a gratuitous Lady Gaga reference, since a video she made, what, two years ago, had a scene that used CGI to make her eyes look bigger. Yeah, totally related.
A 91 year-old widow has gotten in trouble for keeping the corpses of her husband and twin sister around. As in, "around the house." One embalmed corpse was found on a couch in the garage, the other on a couch in a spare bedroom. Now that's an excuse for not sleeping over at grammas I'd accept.
When I learned Wonder Woman was, after nearly seventy years, getting a costume makeover, I called for an expert opinion. When provided with an example of the previous version of her costume, Olivia's reaction was immediate and conclusive, which I quote here in its entirety, to wit: "Bllleeaaaaarrrrgggggchk!" When pressed for details, she explained the new version was, "too gothic."
I'm actually fine with either version, albeit for different reasons.
Mike J. gets a no-prize that'll be sure to offer last rites for bringing us this rather macabre, but still helpful, sign. The best I ever got was a faded radiation symbol on the side of a public building when I was a kid. I wonder if it's still there?
Last time I checked, these were called thermoses. Thermosi? Thermosay?? Liquid holder?
No wait, the would be tampon! CLEVER!
Archaeologists suspect local inhabitants may have been systematically killing unwanted babies.Archaeologist Dr Jill Eyers said: "The only explanation you keep coming back to is that it's got to be a brothel."
That will teach those ladies of the night to forgo a night of work.
Yes I took a video of this. Yes I am disappointed that I did not catch "WEST FALLS CHURCH METRO NEXT STOP!" on video.
So I'm going to hell.
I get the intent, I really do. As a dad, though, I must admit a free prostate cancer screening is kinda far down on my list of fathers day presents. That sound you're hearing is Ellen doing a face-palm, because she didn't think of it before the day was over.
This is a new concept? Do you know how many people out in radiology who have DONE this? Heels included and so much more...
Oh wait wait wait! You don't get ear density on xrays, nor boob detail (sorry)..dude! where is her heart!!! Oh wait wait.. this is CGI...yeah..CGI.
What these people lack in means they more than make up for in sheer chutzpah. There are more than a few big, abandoned properties in this area, so it wouldn't surprise me if ballsy squatters were a feature of our landscape as well. I'm sure there are some on the left side of the aisle who think there's a certain bit of justice going on here. Of course, it's not their house either.
The way Sitchin sees it, the long-dead woman's genome could contain the signature of the gods and demigods he's been talking about since 1976.
The sculpture, about 62 feet tall and 40 feet wide at the base, showed Jesus from the torso up and was nicknamed Touchdown Jesus because of the way the arms were raised, similar to a referee signaling a touchdown. It was made of plastic foam and fiberglass over a steel frame, which is all that remained Tuesday.
It's a sign! The end is coming! Ohio just became more of a shit hole than it already is! Who will save you if "Touch Down Jesus" can't?
An Extra Crispy Jesus No-Prize to Annie for bringing us this sad news.
Looks like, for the second time this year, DNA evidence has cleared a man Texas has already executed. Being a good Buddhist, I'm quite firmly against the death penalty. Being firmly in the camp of the constrained vision, I also have no problem with someone being given the opportunity to achieve enlightenment from the bottom of a miserable, deep, dark hole.
You think I'm kidding. I'm not.
And, for the newest entry in the, "dude. Wait, what?" category, we have news that men's girdle sales are off the chart. Corset sales for dudes would seem not to be far behind. Or, you know, middle, as the case may be.
And in the, "gosh I'm glad I didn't drive the spider that day" file, we find what can and sometimes does happen when buildings get taken apart by heavy machinery. Fortunately, it appears nobody got hurt.
Remember, folks, HD cameras can see more than you think. A new version of couples getting it on in a far, dark corner of a stadium can't be far behind.
I gotta tell you, they sure did spend a lot of money to make something that ugly. We'll call it proof positive that Germany has more than their fare share of guys willing to do silly things to cars. Only, you know, with more expensive cars.
... and the saga of the "convoy of peace" continues. Now the newsies who brought the cameras are getting all huffy because the Israelis released their footage. Because we all know they wouldn't selectively edit their stuff to make sure the film matched the story that they were saying. Nope, they'd be completely honest, since all they were really there to do was document a humanitarian mission.
In a pig's eye...
The "grim eater" attended up to four funerals a week during March and April before the Harbour City Funeral Home decided he had gone too far, and stopped him, the Dominion Post reported."We saw him three or four times in a week. And certainly he had a backpack with some Tupperware containers so when people weren't looking, he was stocking up."
Talk about a weird situation!
You know all those times they said even experienced climbers can be killed by Everest? Yeah, they weren't f-ing around about that. Everest: Beyond the Limit has been on a Tivo Season Pass for us for years, and, as I recall at any rate, they actually had to walk past someone who'd done the climber version of throwing a rod but who had not actually gotten around to dying just yet.
Me? I'm not particularly fond of climbing the stairs. I'm more than content watching others try to climb up and try to climb down that thing.
So it seems that, for the past month or so, one of the things your $20 admission got you at MoMa was the opportunity for a weird Yugoslavian chick to stare at you for as long as you liked. Lots of actors paid for the opportunity, of course. And don't forget the write-up in the Times. But it's commercial painting that's not "real" art, donchaknow?
There's pissed-off crazy, then there's so-pissed-off-he-rips-your-heart-out crazy. Note to self: do not do 'shrooms with guys who enjoy beating the crap out of each other for money.
Nothing like a sinkhole in the middle of a city to put some perspective on a tropical storm. My luck would be that'd be the parking meter I used on the one trip downtown I used the spider for.
Nothing quite like a compilation of red-light runners to graphically demonstrate the consequences of not paying the f- attention to what you're doing.
Observation: interracial marriages are on the rise in America. Media conclusion: an obvious sign of increased discrimination and racial tension. Remember, folks, these are the people who've made it their business to keep us informed.
Sometimes random chance just makes you go, "hmmmm..." Like when every person assigned a specific mobile phone number in the UK has died. In the past ten years. Ya know, I'm just fine with them suspending that number.
A writer of several popular comic book titles has disappeared, leaving only his van behind. A van with a very gruesome bonus on board, no less.
It seems that dogs in space are making the headlines once more, only this time it's because they're on the menu. If it's raised as food it should be consumed as such. That said, I think I now have a little more ammunition when I politely decline to visit a Chinese buffet.
Nick on the other side of the world brings us this on the quirky ways Asia's way of remembering the dead
"The Asia Funeral Expo is giving new meaning to the "be prepared" maxim by offering free coffin portraits to expo visitors. Other morbid attractions include a free Alzheimer's tests -- just the thing to compliment the coffins lining up in the exhibition hall. "We're seeing half-hour queues for the coffin portrait booth," Lo told CNNGo."
In case you forget, here is the link to the expo.
Ticket Please!
When it comes to scientific experiments, often the Cynomolgus Macaque monkey is the primate of choice. They weigh anywhere from about 3 to 25 pounds and make lots of barking noises. It's hard to image how anyone could miss one sitting inside a small cage.
I worked in research...you cannot make a "boo-boo" like this unless you mean it.
How dare you try to limit welfare payments to Islamic wackamoles! Stop that right this instant! An increase in fairness always outweighs a risk to security, especially if it results in new opportunities for income redistribution to brown people who of course hate us only because of the injustices we inflict on them. Giving them more cash cannot result in them buying guns instead of butter. That's not what's intended, so that's obviously not what will happen.
Ok, entire hillsides are NOT supposed to convincingly impersonate, well, pudding. Especially when someone's house is underneath God's own landscape fail.
Meh. We've been parking our butts on floodplains long before we were even human. Why should we stop now?
Ok, so, stop me if you've heard this one: a guy walks into a precinct with two buckets. One of the unexpected advantages of a Caribbean island seems to be easy access to machetes.
"We didn't realize until the autopsy that his constipation was as bad," he said, noting that when he died there was waste in his colon that was several months old."We found stool in his colon which had been there for four or five months because of the poor motility of the bowel," Nichopoulos said.
Find more interesting findings to this story here!
Peer pressure causes teenage girls to believe stupid things. Peer pressure causes teenage boys to do stupid things. One of the unexpected benefits of being a social misfit is I never felt like getting hurt to impress other guys. Impressing girls... well...
It looks like the latest import from Japan is called "zentai." Yeah, I wear lycra bike shorts, but that has more to do with what happens to cotton, and my rear sitting on it, after four hours on a bike than it does with the way the stuff feels. Meh, stay out of trouble, pay your taxes, keep off my lawn, etc.
Although I do think the guys goofing on the hockey player are amusing.
CONCORD, N.H. (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Police are investigating at the Blossom Hill Cemetery in Concord, N.H. where a grave belonging to a mummified baby has been disrupted.Police were notified yesterday morning by cemetery personnel that a gravesite had been disturbed and dirt was turned.
Aren't you supposed to bury them at least two feet under?
I knew Nashville had it bad with the recent floods. I just didn't realize it was this bad. The first NAMI convention I ever worked was in the Opryland hotel in 1996. I still remember the place, and seeing the same hotel with what looks like three feet of water on an upper level is just beyond amazing. It's going to take a long time to recover from all of that.
Alternative: what happens when Rube Goldberg gets really depressed. Fortunately it seem more artistic expression than any real plea from the photographer. I hope.
They may not be able to legislate their way out of a paper sack, but when it comes to finding ET's among us, the government is on the case. It's so entertaining when consumers wobble off their meds!
How awesome!
Rather than display a Puerto Rican shooting victim's body in a boring casket for the wake, morticians at one San Juan funeral home presented the corpse on the man's Honda motorcycle.
Of course there are photos!
Having presumably solved all other problems (because we all know how well California is doing), a county board in northern CA has voted to ban toy offers from restaurants selling "high calorie" meals. This presumes, as almost all progressive legislation does, that people will voluntarily abide by the spirit of the law, instead of figuring a way around it to get what they want anyway.
In other words, yo, sparky, you're administering a county here. All you've really done is take sales away from your local businesses (you know, the ones who provide jobs and pay taxes), and given them to ones nearby. The only people who'll be affected are those too poor to actually travel, so good on ya for restricting their choices and increasing their expenses. It's for their own good, after all.
Life has made the classic photo essay, "Inside a Serial Killer's House" available on-line. Per usual, people who wreck other's lives have a tendency to wreck their own.
The lady who made "the worst parking job. EVAR" famous was finally sentenced on Tuesday. At least, with the video, the victims don't have to explain the bizarre hood dents to their adjusters.
And now, a drinks bar shaped like a... a... oh go see it yourself. It quenches thirst, and teaches anatomy!
It seems when life throws locusts at Australians, Australians put them on a pizza. Don't worry, Ellen, think of it like a bigger version of a grasshopper taco. I'll be with Olivia, on the other side of the world, when you try it. :)
The most recent episode of South Park aired, what, Wednesday? Let the death threats, BEGIN! I was very surprised Comedy Central allowed the show to air at all, considering the last time Parker and Stone decided to make fun of Mohamed they at first refused to air the episode at all.
People often talk about "the wheels coming off" of a project. They don't usually mean it this literally. Fortunately Buemi's fine. The guy who designed the parts implicated in the crash, maybe not so much.
Ok, four words: Leech with enormous teeth. See, Ellen? I told you I had "the link for all links" tonight!
In an especially vindictive move, workers said that Massey has refused to allow miners time off so that they can attend the funerals of their coworkers.Only seven bodies have so far been recovered, and rescue crews said on Sunday afternoon that the mine would have to be ventilated for 12 to 15 hours before they could go in and recover the remaining 22. Some funerals have already been held.
You would think by now the owner of the mine would be hiding for his life.
While I understand that you all need jobs etc... but if you are all passionate about this, you should just strike and leave the mine.
West VA, you are your own thing.
"I can breathe better," said Paul Garfield, 18, after taking his turn on the waxing table. "I won't have to deal with the pesky nose hair. It didn't hurt as bad."
I have officially seen it all.
You know when they say a tornado can blow cars around like toys? Ever wonder what that looks like? Wonder no more. My already healthy respect for these storms just took another bound upward.
No matter how hard the hermits try, sometimes people still manage to take pictures of them. Sadly we must rely on satellite imagery to see the camps which constitute the inevitable result of the perfectly progressive state.
Making the rounds: Wikileaks has dug out a combat film from an Apache attack which they term, "collateral murder." Time posted this analysis which, eventually, makes a few good points about just how tough it is to get this sort of thing right. Looks to me like they messed up, and a whole bunch of people died because of the mistake. Still, the video is three years old, and it would seem this sort of thing stopped happening a short time later.
Apaches were never meant to be sniper weapons, and using them as such will always risk a tragedy of this sort.
What I want to know is, what are teenagers doing going on an Easter egg hunt? And then going way off the path into the woods. By themselves. Oh, wait...
It must also be a slow entertainment news day: the latest pop-culture "let's give it a word for the f- of it" trend would appear to be "chexsting". We've definitely come a long way from the time when telephones were just used for, you know, calling people.
It's nice to know that, even if it seems to be slowly fading away here, political correctness is being kept alive and well on Canadian college campuses. I guess you'd call it the dark side of being nice and orderly, eh?
It would seem the reason BATF decided to take down the Hutaree involved someone forgetting to check Snopes before they freaked their sh*t out. I will give the left this much... their wackos are nowhere near as well armed as mine are. Then again, the vast majority of the time my side's wackos will build themselves a compound out in the woods somewhere and be hardly heard from again. The wackos on the left are the ones which seem more likely to act on their lunacy.
Oh, and my side's wackos take baths. Bathing is always a plus.
A Lebanese TV personality is scheduled to be beheaded in Saudi Arabia. The guy's not even a Saudi national, the religious police ganked him on his Umra. It's my understanding anyone visiting SA is required to have a sponsor, so this reeks of a setup. F'ing religious police.
Making the rounds: someone apparently adapted the film Scarface into a play for young children. The thing is so ludicrously over the top I'm very suspicious of it. But it definitely seems as if a group of parents has become completely unmoored from good taste, if not reality.
Mike J. gets a no-prize that'll throw rocks at the kids on his lawn for bringing us at least one watermelon willing to take the gloves off. It's quite nice to see the true core of progressive environmentalism laid out so plainly. These are the policies most seem to really want. They are why I have never believed a darned thing the environmentalist movement says.
Making the rounds: it would seem that no amount of self-righteous watermelon belief will warm the southern hemisphere to the point it's actually summer, in Antarctica, in July. I know, I get it, "My faith. My facts. My movement. NOW KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!" is the attitude we normally get from these folks. I've just never before seen quite such a karmically-appropriate riposte before. Self-inflicted, even.
Update: Looks like we've been snookered. Meh. Not the first time, not the last.
Another day, another third-worlder whacking off his willie because of girl trouble. Ya know, I've been driven more than a little crazy by the women in my life. But in all that time, I never even once considered taking a cleaver to any part of my anatomy, let alone a part that, being a guy, I consider really quite important. Different... rrmm... strokes?
Three words: Giant. Poop. Bubbles.
Oh go on then. It's a web site. Nobody'll ever know you clicked the link.
I promise.
An island nobody lived on, only inches above sea level, in the middle of a bay frequently swept with cyclones, with no resources, which of course was being fought over by two different countries, would seem to have disappeared into the sea. Hey, if global warming can resolve international disputes, it can't be all bad, eh?
Remember that old joke about the tractor-trailer driver who woke up on the road because of a mysterious beeping? You know, the one where he slows down just to figure out where the sound is, only to see a VW bug swerving away out away from his grill? Yeah, that only works if your car isn't stuck against the grill sideways. Thankfully, nobody got hurt.
A civil judge in Belgium has officially gone on record as saying a crime victim invited an attack, and fined the victim because of it. Just when you thought Europe couldn't be any more "progressive", they go and prove you wrong.
Another day, another bunch of idiots learning the feds do not know or care that you're kidding. Ok, so we'll go over this one more time: the Secret Service takes its job very, very seriously, and has the money, resources, and time to find and throw your butt in the pokey if you tweet threats about one of their charges. So let's just keep those thoughts to ourselves, mmkay?
Sometimes Cracked's "Top 5" lists don't do much for me. This is not one of those times. All you true crime fans should have a field day with it. I've actually seen a few of the Toynbee Tiles, although I can't quite remember where.
Authorities have arrested a man who is accused of spending his free time talking people into suicide so he could watch. Just when you thought the depths of man's evil to man had been well and truly plumbed...
And now, a radical lefty who has been declared the messiah. One of the things which defines Britain is the country's famous encouragement of eccentricity, if not outright lunacy. If this doesn't prove the case, I'm not sure what will.
The latest "holy crap the CIA pulled some scary stunts in the 50s" story is an alleged mind control experiment which involved poisoning an entire French town in 1951. An allegation this explosive requires the evidence bar be set very high. From what's presented in the article, I don't think the author has cleared it. A bunch of unnamed sources and a single document which does not explicitly connect the dots does not a true conspiracy make.
The now she has it, now she don't saga of Anna Nicole Smith's battle to get a piece of her sugar daddy husband's fortune has now moved solidly into the "now she don't." This in spite of the fact that the two primaries involved are both, well, dead. A more clear case of, "only the lawyers ever make money" I never have seen.
Finally Ellen has a reason to visit Paris. Well, except for hunting down the tombs of various incorruptible saints, that is. Macabre? Ellen? You don't say...
No, really, when anarchists attack. As mentioned before, political belief is not a line, it's a circle. If you push far enough to become a loony in one direction, you'll quickly be indistinguishable from the loons on the other side. Deny it at your peril.
For those who've always wondered: taking a whack at a cop with your winkie will cost you about $1000. I think. Haven't gotten around to checking the exchange rate lately, but I bet I'm close. Have at you!
While hardly a true secret, it's always important to remember the "other" genocidal unit, 731. The Germans at least have done everything anyone could think of to gain redemption for their crimes. Only the current generation of adults, the first to be able to legitimately claim they had absolutely no part in any of it, are attempting to point out that Germans suffered too. The Japanese, well, one of the best ways to shock a Japanese person is to have them look up Unit 731 on the English Wikipedia. The smart Westerner, the one who doesn't want his Tokyo apartment firebombed, will do nothing more than that.
There's a reason the rest of Asia hates Japan, and it has nothing to do with their current success.
The "buried, not buried, buried, not buried" saga of James Brown seems to have been switched to "not buried." Again. I always thought his "get dragged off the stage only to come right back" schtick was annoying. Now that he's dead, well, not so much. With bonus picture of what the ex-Godfather of Soul looked like, and probably still does.
I think we'll call that fisherman: 0, enormous scary crocodile: 1. At ~ 4 meters, this one's on the small end of adult males. Sheesh!
And now, a Japanese shut-in who decided to marry his pillow. I guess "pillow" and "beer" must look the same in those "is better than a wife" posters.
Iran is openly expanding its missile launch complex to accommodate larger launch vehicles. Just when you think the mullahs couldn't get any madder, they go and prove you wrong again. Help us, Bibi, you're our only hope...
Sit back, strap in, and enjoy just how loopy the very top of the high end of the hi-fi hobby can be. And less ye think the economy has sunk all these companies we have an updated version. The super-high end speakers I think are nifty are an absolute bargain by comparison.
Who needs a forklift or a big truck when a Sumo wrestler will do the job just as well. Seems like a lot of work for an $850 payout split (presumably) two ways.
Remember, folks, guns don't kill people, giant lawnmowers kill people. Let's just say she got a real close shave...
Headline sorta says it all: Anti-gay state senator arrested for DUI leaving a gay bar. Research, he was doing res-- Oh, wait, nevermind.
Let it not be said I am one to cover up when my side coughs up the ball. Especially when they do it in heels.
Nice to see it's not just American SUV drivers who think 4WD magically transforms the road into dry pavement. I'm thinking that's somewhere either in Turkey or Iran, but I'm not at all sure. It'd be nice to think nobody got hurt, but I'm pretty sure I'm wrong there, too.
Actually, I'm surprised it's taken this long for some loon to fasten onto global warming as an excuse to off themselves. It's damned sad when even maniacs do this sort of thing to themselves. It's inexcusable to take their kids with them because they can't seek help.
Hey, don't worry guys, I found a great place to park the fire truck. Meh. Detroit. Sorta says it all.
So it seems the actual next-gen home theater will be equipped with a whopping 24 separate speakers. Just what I need, another 19 cables snaking around my living room. So you heard Ellen's "yeah, no" from all the way out there, eh?
In Soviet Russia, tank sale finds you!. I swear, Mr. Customs Official, it just followed me home! Can I keep it? Please?!?
Spider Crawl...not on my floor.
In my house you can get exercise by jumping over the sudden cat vomit pile.
Ok, I'm calling sexism here, cos if guys were to sparkly-fy their junk and then post pictures of it on the intarwebs, the jokes would be endless. As if guys need another reason to scratch down there.
Remember, folks, if you want to get bizzay, do it on level ground. You'd think a 67 year-old woman would know better. You'd be wrong.
If it gets rid of an untreatable parasite that manifests itself as a three-foot long worm that burrows around in my body, I'm all for it! I definitely recall being grossed out by this concept back when I was in... junior high, I think. I just don't remember it being called a "Guinea worm." Yet another reason to stay the hell away from the desert!
Nothing like a collection of 50 of the weirdest looking critters yet found to start your day. Most I'd heard of, a few I hadn't. I've seen video of giant isopods... those things are f-d up for sure!
For peace of mind (and back, and legs, and arms), think about carrying Rest Easy, an organic spray said to repel or even kill bedbugs. You spray a defensive perimeter around your bed (you're advised against spraying it directly on the sheets) and presumably heed the age-old advice, "Don't let the bedbugs bite."
His story: The man is Thomas Beatie, who grew up in Hawaii as Tracy, becoming a model and a finalist in this contest. Beatie began dressing and living as a man when he entered his 20s. Eventually he underwent this type of surgery but elected to retain his female reproductive organs.
Keeping your V-Jay= woman.
Look, I don't care what you do, who you are etc.. just don't expect the main stream media to understand you and accept you. You have female reproductive organs and you chose to use them. That alone makes you a woman, not 100% male. You may feel you are 100% male on the inside, but you got lady parts.
Sorry dude.
Looks like even Italians have a limit to their sense of humor. Ours are too fat, old, and lazy to have any kind of flavor. Well, assuming half-puked cat food isn't a flavor, I mean.
Scientists are testing a radical re-animation strategy by draining all the blood out of dogs, replacing it with a super-cold saline solution, and then putting the real blood back after a few hours. I get why they're doing it, but I'm not going to volunteer for their first round of human trials, that's for sure.
Virginia has joined a growing list of states outlawing involuntary chip implants. Go for the weird story, stay to watch the reporter trying to reconcile the deeply conflicted "privacy, for teh win!!!" and "ZOMG!1!! FUNDIES!!!!" storylines.
New from the Nanny State: Police to pose as burglars, break into houses, wake up residents and scold them for a lack of security. I think they'll also end up finding out which residents own cricket bats, machetes, and various illegal firearms. The hard way.
This is why Pittsburgh can't have nice things. Like the first comment says, if these were Saints fans, they would've been wearing more beads. And, like, fewer coats and touks.
Not only did he put the testicle from a castrated dog in his mouth but he also put a medical tube up his nose and showed a nurse a photo of his erect penis on his mobile phone. The 37-year-old, from Brighton, east Sussex, was charged with two offences by the Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons while working at St Runwald’s Surgery in Colchester, Essex, between April 2008 and September 2009.
Umm...err...wow.
Today's "climate change will kill us all" debacle is brought to you by (closes eyes and throws dart)... the loss of all topsoil in Britain before the year 2070!!! ZOMG!!1q!! OH NOES!!! QUICK! SOMEONE GET THEM SOME FUNDING!!!
I remember hearing about this particular imminent apocalypse back in the 70s, when the watermelon agenda mostly revolved around fertilizers growing enough food to feed too many kulaks. It didn't happen then. It's not going to happen now.
And in the, "oh-no-they-di'-uhn!!!" file, we have hajji stuffing women's boobs with explosives. This one is so sensationalist it just screams, "slow news day." Then again, the story claims they've already caught looneys with their butts full of Semtex, so wtf knows?
And now, a girl with no vagina who got pregnant anyway due to getting stabbed in a knife fight. No, really!
Not only is Rip Torn still around, he's still getting in trouble. I guess it proves that, no matter how rich you are, it is possible to be so drunk and annoying people will throw your old ass into jail
Sometimes there's just no improving on the lede: "Days after D.C. Superior Court Magistrate Judge Janet Albert broke up with her girlfriend, the judge found her former companion unconscious in her attic, above her bedroom, with some food and an ice bucket fashioned into a makeshift toilet, authorities say."
No, really!
Now that flu season is on its way out, the MSM has the balls to ask was the whole thing exaggerated? Ah, but reading the article reveals the true source of hysteria. It's the government's fault! Really!
The saga of the secret codes appears to be over. As long as the sights keep shooting straight, I guess it's not that big of a price to keep the busybodies happy.
Serves him right, wasting good booze like that. I thought it was fake, until the smoke alarm started going off. Heck it still might be, but it was an interesting explosion.
Ok, I get it, that chicks like to change things about their appearance and, you know, upgrade stuff. What I don't get is this whole "vagazzle" thing. Yeah, you heard me, that's what she said. Seems to me that'd, I dunno... itch.
In the, "don't you have anything better to do?" bin, we have this hard-hitting investigative report which proves a small Michigan company is casting very short, very small biblical references into its gunsights. Of course someone's going to have a problem with this. Once they found out about it, anyway.
Hey, guess what? Swimming in shark-infested waters can be dangerous! The article starts out well enough, but the wheels fall completely off when the author tries to tie a rise in attacks with tourism and then (somehow) with sharks being over-fished.
NASA officials have confirmed a baggie of cocaine was brought into the hangar complex which processes the space shuttles. Junkies are stupid, even rocket scientist junkies. I'm sure they'll catch the person, but, this being NASA, I'm sure it'll involve three dozen meetings, two press conferences, and the creation of at least seven new acronyms.
Took me awhile, but I finally found the real high-end of the hi-fi hobby. Feast your eyes on a forty-two-thousand dollar set of mono amplifiers. Auditioned with a $14,000 turntable, natch. I honestly have no idea who pays for such foolishness, but I guess if it keeps a small bunch of craftsman off the bread line, it's all good.
Hey, if you can't link up a story about a stillborn lamb with a face like a human, well, what damned good is having your own website anyway? Let the Welsh jokes begin!
Now I have seen it all. If you can't get home early enough to walk the dog, then you have a problem.
Old dogs that have urinary problem etc.. puppies, sure.. but really, be responsible.
Problem: Effete Westerners have got all fluttery about the lead you're using on the kids products you're selling them, and now block them.
Solution: use a different poison.
I wonder if it glows?
ClimateGate just gets better and better. How much better? How about the UN IPCC Chief is making millions on side-deals with companies specializing in carbon trades and "sustainable technologies?" Now, remind me again how these are the people who's advice to dismantle our economies we are to trust? I keep forgetting that part...
Sometimes there's just no improving on the headline: crime lord's fake penis falls off during raid. A hermaphroditic crime lord sounds like something out of a David Lynch flick. It also seems to provide even more proof of Mark Twain's axiom about truth and fiction.
Nothing quite as embarrassing as calling the fire department to cut your winkie out of a steel pipe. In the emergency room, no less. Not quite as bad as the story of the guy who got his junk caught in a machine belt so tight it threw him across the room and he tried to stitch it up with a stapler*, but you can see it from there.
---
*I'm not kidding. Google it.
Making the rounds: a funeral home is being sued because, apparently, they sent gramma's brain home with the flowers. Ok, suddenly my own mom's plan to be cremated is getting this giant silver lining...
Coming soon to a console near you: the "ultimate" FPS accessory. I'm still amazed nobody's come up with a left-hand HOTAS solution to give me no-lift access to the number keys and other odd combos.
F- being a vegetarian, I wouldn't eat any of this stuff either. Warning: contains picture of already-prepared "mutt for dinner." Not violent or cruel, but it could upset the sensitive. As if those people still hang out here anyway.
Making the rounds: two of the four leaders allegedly behind the al Qaeda plot to blow up a Northwest Airlines passenger jet over Detroit were released by the U.S. from the Guantanamo prison in November, 2007, according to American officials and Department of Defense documents. Good thing that was during the Bush administration, otherwise we would've been greeted with another round of "cover-up for the president" from the MSM. But by all means, let's close it down, provide a forum for the worst of them during a show trial in Manhattan, and let the rest scatter to the four winds. What could possibly go wrong?
Just when you thought the pervs had tried it all, we now have a butt-sniffing bandit. This one reeks of a hoax, but the police seem to be taking it seriously. For now.
Ok, I get that people need gross anatomy classes. What I don't quite understand is why it's being taught outside. Note: Pictures are luridly graphic, but since the dude is already seriously dead, it's not exactly violent. Gotta learn somehow, I guess.
Remember when I said the Hi-Fi hobby has a nosebleed section? This one's in the center section, mid-field. Read the first page, as much as you can anyway, and then skip to the last page. It literally took my breath away when I saw the price. Yes, Virginia, there are audiophiles far nuttier (and richer) than I.
First, the "you can't make this stuff up" lede: "A 4-year-old boy, beer in hand, is accused of stealing Christmas presents from his neighbors. It's a strange story, but also a sad one. "
And then there's "The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood. In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl's dress and drinking a beer."
But best of all is: ""He runs away trying to find his father," she said. "He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that's where his daddy is."
Ah, the holidays!
No, really, when monkeys attack. I've watched Olivia make almost exactly that move on a little punk at the playground when his teasing turned to touching. I had to yell at her to stop, but inside I was definitely smiling.
Annie gets a no-prize that'll fit in a pocket protector for bringing us news that girls feel they're driven out of the computer science because (waves hands around), "it's masculine geeky." Think about that one for a second. Yeah, that "smack" sound was all my guy friends doing a face-palm.
Don't worry, man. I'm raising one and I still don't understand them.
Hmm... I'll take armed, naked crazies on the lawn for $200, Alex. As noted previously, I'd wager she looks more like Kathy Bates than Uma Thurmond. Life often isn't fair that way.
Presenting Fapmapper, which combines the creep factor of public wankers with the utility of Google maps. I learned a very long time ago that people who want to be seen naked in public are 99.99% of the time the last people who should be seen naked in public. If this helps me avoid them, well, there ya go.
The shape of things to come here: brothers beat down home invaders and receive multi-year jail terms for their trouble. Well what do they expect? Sure, the robbers tied them up on the floor, but the robbers also said the family wouldn't be killed as long as they didn't move! Those maniacs went after the robbers with a cricket bat! Put one of them in the hospital! And a good thing too it happened in Britain, otherwise that poor thief likely would not have gotten the best of care!
To wit: There's no such thing as a woman so beautiful a man can't be made sick of her crap. With (barely) SFW pictures of an example. The obverse is, of course, just as true.
A 70 year old man has apparently died of a heart attack while skydiving. When I first read it, I wondered, "how could you tell that from a bunch of hamburger and broken bones?!?", but it turns out he was tandem jumping. Go grampa! Bye, grampa!
This one was so gross I didn't want to keep it up on my computer: a tongue-eating parasite has been found of the coast of New Jersey. It (thankfully) is harmless to humans, well, except for that whole "so skeeved I need a shower" feeling. With severely creepy pictures!
Making the rounds: a mysterious spiral blue light appeared in the skies over Norway last night. Not only do they have pictures, they have video. I don't know what the f- it is, but if I had to put a $5 chip down I'd set it on, "Russkie missle test gone bad."
A better, and more honest, way to put it would be, in the face of heretics and apostates, first affirm the faith. I didn't, and don't, want to turn this into some sort of humanist holy war, but the other side seem to already have.
Ok, I get that some folks could be skeeved out by transgender people. Being raised in the deep South, I know there are an unfortunate number of people so badly skeeved out they do stupid things. You know, like leave a nasty, threatening voice mail message on the phone of a transgender teen who just applied for a job at their McDonalds. A bit of a shame, really. The bottom rungs of McDs are rightfully seen as a kind of hell, but the truth is it's not a dead end. Far from it. Work at it hard enough, long enough, and McDs will make someone with a high school diploma very wealthy indeed.
But not for this guy. No, this guy let his prejudices override his professionalism, and now what likely was a bright future is now a dead end.
Karma's a bitch, ain't it?
Nothing like finding vines in the vah-jay-jay to throw your whole day off (SFW). Annie gets a no-prize that damned well better warm its hands before it sets to work for bringing us proof that old-world stabs at birth control are still alive and well.
No, really, when Christmas trees attack. Being a good German Austrian, he told the authorities, cut the tree to size, and drove it home.
So in a street full of tall buildings, these guys manage to smash a moving car. An advantage to driving an old, low-slung sports car is it increases the chances of a miss. A disadvantage is if it manages to score they'll have to scrape what's left off the wrecking ball.
That's right, folks, for about $130 a night you too can experience life as a hamster. All it would need to complete the experience is a giant, menacing cat. Oh no, ours are too old, fat, and lazy to be much of a threat to anything.
Making the rounds: a former Miss Argentina is dead from complications resulting from cosmetic buttock surgery. In other news, people pay good money to have a surgeon take a knife to their ass.
Want to know what more than a decade of progressive government will look like? Wonder no more. The best part is, most people on the left side of the peanut gallery are now wondering what, exactly, the problem is.
So now the hard left is dreaming of Diocletian. Because, when they do that, they think it goes over the heads of the plebes who would otherwise react badly if they were to use the name of the person they really want. ~ Where have you gone, Joseph Stalin... ~
Leave it to the home of everything truly weird to give us the first known case of a man marrying a video game character. No, really!
Ya know, it's just not fair setting up a realistic-looking deer made out of frikkin' concrete. A buck could get hurt, donchaknow? Killed, even!
Leave it to The Sun to find a woman who keeps having kids because all she really wants is a set of twins. It takes awhile, but it would appear she's a very hard-working housewife. Still, 14 kids does seem quite a lot.
I'm sure this'll trigger an impressive round of hysterical journalism, but leave it to the Post to get it started off right: Subway riders sealed in murder car. After reading the article, if the guy keeps his mouth shut and gets a good lawyer, I think he probably could get a self defense plea to work. Regardless, it seems a good lesson in "keep your crap into your lap, you idiot."
For proof that porn has come (ha!) a very long way indeed, one need only examine these scans of "Tijuana Bibles". Suddenly the fact that red-light districts were largely legal in pre-WWII US makes a heck of a lot more sense.
NSFW, but it's Saturday, wtf are you doing at work?
Meh, his kid, his rules: "Is this taking the whole Star Trek thing a teensie weensie bit too far? d'Armond Speers spoke only Klingon to his child for the first three years of its life."
Thing is, kids learn languages like a sponge at that age. Other than teaching him a few strange-ish sounds, I'll wager he'll be fine.
Great. Even their politicians are cooler than ours:
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin rubbed shoulders with rappers and was hailed with "respect" in a television show on Friday that could help boost his flagging ratings.
Of course, people worship Obama. Beat that!
Ron gets a no-prize shaped like a crystal egg with a crack in it for bringing us proof that the Bugatti Veyron does not make for much of a boat. Brackish water, no less. Fixable? Probably, but likely only with a complete disassembly.
Why someone should not be able to own a chimp no matter how well they can care for it.
Just because your state allows it does not mean you should own it.
Valve's on-line gaming service Steam has decided to combine the convenience of advanced download with the empowerment of the nanny state. I became disillusioned with Steam when something went wrong and it decided I'd given my password away for... well, it was never entirely clear why I would be doing that. At any rate, not only did it lock me out of all the on-line games, which would've merely been annoying, but it also locked me out of the off-line games, which was flat outrageous. Rubbing salt in the wound was their, "you're cheating. What did you expect? Get over it." attitude.
So from that point forward it's been brick-and-mortar boxes for me, FTW!
Two words you never want to hear together: stroller, and amputation. Since they're talking a stroller which cost more than $100, we can happily say Olivia had no chance of sitting in one. It took me some searching to determine this is not related to the team what makes the race cars go really fast.
There's horse whisperers, and then, well, then there's guys like this.
Via, I kid you not, Instapundit, who I am now convinced reads us all the time. Because this is exactly what we would've linked, if we'd had his connections. Kno'wha'I'mean?
Except Alfas are way cooler than Mazdas. I mean, really...
Somebody somewhere seems to think the CIA is predicting Israel's demise in 20 years. The text of the article is just barely coherent, and reeks of often-mourned Weekly World News. And don't even get me started on the comments.
Everything I've read indicates, if anything is done, as soon as the Israelis finish their wall they're going to scoop up the outlying settlers and give the Palis a state whether they want it or not.
No, really, when jellyfish attack! 6 feet across and 400 hundred pounds. If that don't define f'd up, I don't know what does.
Nothing quite like some drunken loon parking his car over the bed you're actually sleeping in to start the day. And that, children, is why people with multi-story houses put their bedrooms on the upper floors.
Just when you think the Japanese just can't get any stranger, they go and invent florescent light bulb fighting. You'd think they'd at least make them wear safety goggles or something.
No, really, when bridges attack! Missed them by THAT much. Well, actually, it didn't miss them at all. My luck, I'd be driving the (presumably) freshly-restored spider across that dratted thing when it decided to whack a motorist or two.
Personally, pouring gasoline on a camp and setting it on fire just to get rid of snakes seems a bit excessive. After all, with Ellen and Amber around, the snakes would do well to run and hide, lest they fall victim to ohmygodomygodomygodit'ssoooCYOOOTTT!!! attacks.
William Heirens, the "Lipstick Killer," is believed to be the longest-serving inmate in the United States. He turns 81 on November 15.
Good. Stay there. But, if it was up to me, you would have been euthanized a long time ago.
Scientists are trying to figure out what makes memory tick by, wait for it, merging the brains of two different bird species into one embryo. None of the creatures has made it out of the egg just yet, but scientists think it's only a matter of time. Sometimes science is way cool. Sometimes it's way skeevy.
Move over, penis pump, Jolie Lips is the new game in town. Article is completely SFW. The product, on the other hand, well...
The cold truth is, if he's as rich as he looks to be, he won't have to wait too long for a hot chick to look him up. I didn't even know you could get that much gold in a house.
I'll leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine whether or not this really is the right answer.
At first, this essay about Stanely Kubrick's The Shining seems straightforward enough. A standard, and even a little innovative, art-house look at one of Kubrick's more popular films. Then, around, say, the third or forth paragraph on the second page, it jumps off the tracks and dives into an unexpected and completely weird abyss.
I finished it anyway simply because he did such a good job of trapping me into reading the first part.
Ok, so which would you want to try fried... a Snickers bar or an f'ing scorpion? Yeah, thought so. Advantage, rednecks!
Ok, so 'fess up... have you seen this man in your dreams? Me, I usually can't remember the faces of strange guys in my dreams. Strange women, well, the faces not so much. Just how much they always seem to resemble my wife.
My story, sticking to it.
Mark gets an electric no-prize for bringing us the sad tale of a family and their careless attempt to upgrade their hobby gear. There's a video floating around which shows an Indian guy walking around on top of a train getting careless and grabbing the high-tension wires above him. Let's just say it was over quickly, but likely not quickly enough.
With friends like these... I dunno, having someone who openly admits to pederasty defending someone who's been on the lam for child rape for twenty years seems appropriate. In a twisted European moral relative way, I guess.
Ron gets a no-prize in a raincoat for bringing us proof there actually is something creepier than what Polanski did to that girl.
Mark gets a very explosive no-prize for bringing us news of yet another Darwin near-miss. Ah well, I guess getting your hands blown off is punishment enough for screwing around with explosives. Bonus: He lived in the basement, and mom ran a daycare center upstairs.
Update: But wait! There's more! Apparently there was a pot farm on-site. You just can't make this stuff up...
Making the rounds: the place Ted Williams entrusted his head for cryogenic storage is just about the opposite of nice. If the book is true, at any rate. Bonus: said book will contain lots of gruesome pictures, making it nearly certain to end up on my shelf some time soon.
Hey man, if it's wrapped in plastic, it doesn't matter where I put it, right? I guess that proves just how nutty addiction makes a person, since I'd have to be out of my freaking mind to want to hide a bag of coke up my wazoo.
Another election cycle, another side of the aisle's married-cousin offspring learning it is in fact against the law to threaten the President. Oh sit down. I can think of half a dozen times when some lefty wackjob pulled the same stunt with Bush and then went to their blog to shriek about Bush's "suppression of their rights."
All you guys who want to give up sovereignty to international bodies like the World Court and the UN? Yeah, I totally agree with you now:
In his rambling diatribe to the U.N. General Assembly on Sept. 23, Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi criticized the world body for being unfair to small nations. The comment struck a chord with the Swiss, since Gaddafi has been on a self-proclaimed mission to destroy their little country.
...
Although the motion [to abolish Switzerland] was thrown out because it violates the U.N. Charter ... some Swiss leaders are still concerned that Libya could use its yearlong presidency of the U.N. General Assembly, which began on Sept. 15, to keep up Gaddafi's vitriolic attacks on their country.
I mean, what's not to love?
Of all the things I thought I needed to worry about if I was critically sick, getting run over by the paramedics themselves was not one of them. Homeless drunks just seem genetically programmed to turn up in the most inconvenient places at the most inconvenient times.
Nothing quite like an actual, recent, celebrity murder-suicide as the inspiration for a haunted house display. I guess whoever built it really really didn't like the Titans.
Oh noes! Things are so bad the Real Doll people are offering specials. Can a government bailout be far behind? Hey, man, I bet over time one of those is cheaper than Viagra. Make it part of Obamacare! Hey, the sex offender and "traps-women-in-the-back-yard" lobby will definitely get behind it.
As it were.
Via Instapundit.
That would be lamp post: 1, Ferrari: 0. It would seem the driver walked away. I'd wager the owner has already had half a dozen inquiries for parts.
I'm not kidding, the guy almost literally said, "watch this!" before he did his deadly-stupid deed. I once watched a drainage culvert behind my apartment building filled to its banks with rushing flood waters. Something powerful enough to sweep whole trees and rocks away is something that no red neck should trifle with. He did, and paid the price.
Scientists recently discovered that a sophisticated type of brain scanner showed activity when cognitive tests were performed on a dead salmon. In other words, they bought a whole salmon at a market, stuck it in the machine, showed it some pictures and asked it some questions, and found activity in the scanner data. Ultimately, the paper is trying to highlight the fact that using these sorts of devices isn't as simply as a point-and-shoot camera, and if proper care isn't taken, well, your results will show a dead salmon thinking about a beach picture you're showing it.
This just in: JFK was gunned down by an extreme right-wing lunatic. The only thing richer than ignoring the historic facts of Oswald's beliefs and motivations is ignoring which party benefited the most from JFK's assassination. I've been entertained watching the moonbats twirl in their belfries for about nine years now. I've just never seen them spin this fast.
Just because you might know about money doesn't mean you know a darned thing about cars. What sort of actually sweet rides can you pick up for $12k? Well, in no particular order, you could get, in ABSOLUTELY PERFECT CONDITION, a:
I'm sure your list will be different, but no less cool. And, unlike the "sweet rides" in the article, at the end of five years these cars will still be worth more or less what you paid for them. Regardless, they'll all kick the crap outta one of those goofy little Smart cars, eh?
Nothing like losing half your skull for ruining your day, eh? Even better: the guys who did it are going to walk because the prosecutors say they don't have enough evidence.
Just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder, the saga of the "gender vague" runner takes yet another weird twist. Look, I think people who run when nobody's chasing them are a little strange to begin with, but this is ridiculous.
Ya know, I can understand doing just about anything to stay out of jail, but people have to draw a line somewhere. One of my mom's favorite stories about our old liquor store involved a guy with a colostomy bag paying cash for booze. Turns out those things are much nastier than you think they are.
In Japan, the first lady claims to have been abducted by aliens. Beat that, Michelle!
Great. Just great. If the TSA starts demanding body cavity searches, I'm just gonna walk. No amount of speed and comfort is worth that.
She said: “Losing my fingernails has been the most dramatic thing that’s happened in my life. I think it was my grandson that said, ‘Grandma, they are like your baby; you’ve taken care of them for 30 years and lost them in a second’. But then when you think about it, you know our whole life could end in a second, not just part of the body, but your whole life.”
How many bottles of nail polish she used at one time.
Seventy days after his sudden death, Michael Jackson will be interred in what may or may not be his final resting place Thursday evening.That's one stinky corpse!
Akituusaq, son of world-renowned walrus Ayveq, died on Sept. 1 of complications from pneumonia. He was two years old. Let the dissections begin!
Dozens of alpine cows appear to be committing suicide by throwing themselves off a cliff near the small village in the Alps.
Maybe they saw a comet?No purple drapes or new sneakers though.
Can't stop the little monsters from crapping in your house? Now you can. The only real drawback I see for cats is I'd need two, one to catch "inappropriate elimination" and another to catch "go cross-eyed and hork up the remains of a transporter accident." Here kitty-kitty-kitty...
So, is Michael Jackson's ghost haunting Neverland? I guess the answer would depend on what you defined as a "ghost."
The things you learn when your daughter only wants to watch Sponge Bob and all you have to do is troll Wikipedia include learning what happens to a human body when the diving chamber it's in goes from 9 atmospheres to 1 in a fraction of a second:
Subsequent investigation by forensic pathologists determined D4, being exposed to the highest pressure gradient, violently exploded due to the rapid and massive expansion of internal gases. All of his thoracic and abdominal organs, and even his thoracic spine were ejected, as were all of his limbs. Simultaneously, his remains were expelled through the narrow trunk opening left by the jammed chamber door, less than 60 centimeters (24 inches) in diameter. Fragments of his body were found scattered about the rig. One part was even found lying on the rig’s derrick, 10 meters (30 feet) directly above the chambers. His death was most likely instantaneous and painless.
How this has managed to avoid being turned into a movie I never will know.
Coming soon to a Christmas tree far, far away from mine: the pole dancer doll. Oh no, it's much worse than you think it is. Much worse.
Ok, all together now, injecting things into Mr. Winky makes him sad. And who the hell pulls out their wang at a drinking party anyway? Man, just put it away.
I don't care what Snopes says, this is a much better story if it was caused by some redneck with a backhoe. Corroded gas lines are bad, mmkay?
Like the headline says: Meet Lauren Williams, the woman with two vaginas. It's not a porno title, it's a medical condition! Article is SFW.
As if being a poodle wasn't bad enough, people have to go and do this to them. Meh. Doggies don't care as long as there's food to eat and toilets to drink out of. Ellen loves these sorts of things.
There's nothing quite like photo-realistic retouching to mess with your day. Bock Bock!
Who the hell is going to pay them after the Rapture? I mean, no pet sitter in their right mind gets paid $110 for long term watching of a pet.
Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable. For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends.
It's the next best thing to pet salvation to a post Rapture world.
To recycle the sex toys drop it in the mail. Please clean them first. Yes, they can be used sex toys. They can also be unused. They can even be broken sex toys. When the toys arrive at the Dreamscapes Recycling location the toys are clean and disassemble into parts. The parts are then sent to select recycling facilities. Every part of each sex toy is recycled and/or disposed of responsibly: the batteries, the hard (no pun intended) plastics, the rubber, the silicone, the metal, the motor and any e-waste.
I vomited a bit in my mouth with this one.
Observation: there seem to be a few reports of iPhones hissing, steaming, or cracking.
Headline: Apple investigating iPhone explosions.
Well, it did make me read the article, after all.
Yeah. 10 foot alligators are definitely what I want to see when I take my kid over to the swing set! Welp, there we go, strike Florida off the list of "nice places to live."
A guy seen tossing his girlfriend through a window fell in after her and was fatally injured in the process. Unfortunate that such things are so unusual. The court system would be much more straightforward if it were otherwise.
Olivia: "Daddy? Watchadoin?"
Me: "I'm typing."
Olivia: "About what?"
Me: "About a guy selling a $6000 Mercedes for $100,000 because he thinks he's Christ's grandson."
Ellen: "What?!?"
There's car crazy, and then there's car crazy.
I'd like to think a furries convention would be a fun place for little kids to visit and see all sorts of amazing and cute cartoon characters. And, as long as Olivia's hand is held firmly in mine, we might even think about visiting one.
By watching it on TV.
Across the room.
With our eyes half shut.
Maybe.
Child leashes would seem to have more uses than you'd initially suppose. For whatever reason, we never seemed to need anything like that. Maybe girls are less likely to run off?
A friend recently wondered what a truly outraged Ellen might be capable of. This sounds about right. I can say with some pride that, while I have done any number of boneheaded things under the influence, I've never made someone so mad at me they actually set me on fire.
Problem: Lead paint is dangerous to children.
Reaction: WE'RE FROM THE GOVERNMENT, AND WE'RE HERE TO HELP!!!
Unintended consequence: Classic children's books disappear.
Hope and change, people. Hope and change...

I have absolutely no idea what to make of this. I bet the shoes cost $300, easy.
In fact, by the end of the funeral the flies buzzing around the body's open wound became so persistent the funeral home placed a white veil over the corpse's head to protect it.
Every family's nightmare.
It's all fun and games until your reality show "performance" violates your probation. Go for the "yeah, right, pull the other one" explanations from the principal. Stay for the comments from her pimp-tastic lawyer.
Well, I'm still not completely sure if mermaids exist, but it would seem that, if they do, Allah says it's OK to eat them. Something tells me they probably won't taste like chicken. Too bad the Imam won't be able to advise if we should use a Chardonnay or a Merlot.
Leave it to the English to create a story with proper grammar, containing simple words, that makes no sense whatever. They do love their eccentrics, I'll give them that...
Annie gets a tasty but scary-looking no-prize for bringing us Steve! Don't eat that!, a blog which chronicles the various culinary experiences of its eponymous author. All those things you cruise past in the grocery store, that look curious but too scary to actually try? Yeah, he tries them.
Two words: killer chipmunks. What's that you say? The media over-hyping a crisis to sell papers? Bah. Next you'll tell me they'll sensationalize a celebrity's death just to get ratings...
Sometimes there's just no improving on the story itself:
A Chinese girl was lost her memory and had to be taken to hospital after she was hit on the head by a pregnant tortoise.
Unfortunately the chelonian missile didn't make it, and the girl looks like she'll literally be scarred for life.
Hopefully our friend Kevin does not in fact use an iPod, otherwise I'd fear for his bad-luck-self's safety:
An exclusive KIRO 7 Investigation reveals an alarming number of Apple brand iPod MP3 players have suddenly burst into flames and smoke, injuring people and damaging property.
Local media sensationalizing a story for effect? Say it ain't so!
The small fire spread throughout the wooden roof structure and appeared to be concentrated in the roof stack of the crematorium, he added.
Makes you wonder who started it.
"(The) majority of them were sacrificed using a very sharp bladed instrument, probably a copper or bronze tummy knife. And for the majority there are a several combinations, complex set of variations on cutting of the throat, " Mr Klaus said.
"The handle of the fork broke off and it went straight into Smokey's head. He ran away and after that we thought he must have gone off and died.
Say it with me: Aww..
Note: The owner has no teeth, and is a total hick winner.
Well, if nothing else at least this guy has the body to pull it off. Just what, exactly, he's trying to pull off, I have no idea. I'm just glad it's a little youTube video. That was frightening enough.
Ok, now I've seen everything: Obama administration's threat to veto F-22 purchase draws ire of gay activists. Those unfamiliar with how Washington works will be puzzled. Those familiar can repeat after me, "they must have attached a rider to the bill to get something passed."
Hehehehehehheh... rider... heheheheheheh...
I guess I'm a terrible person for smirking at this. At least a little. No, it's not nice to purposely freak out a bear cub, but I just don't know if that's how they all act, if that's how this one acts and it's a pain in the ass and they're trying to train it out of the cub, or if they're just a bunch of cruel m-f'ers. I didn't recognize the alphabet, didn't look like Chinese or Japanese. Maybe this was in Malaysia somewhere?
... progressives are now recommending banning tobacco products outright in the military. It's my understanding restrictions on where someone can smoke are every bit as strict and arbitrary as they are in the civilian world. Of course, since incentives aren't working, and this is the military, we'll just make them quit. After all, legislating human behavior works so very well!
Well, it's nice to know it's not just Americans who can take a video game way too seriously. Fallout was one of those games everyone liked but I just couldn't get into. I actually enjoy a bit of linear story telling, since otherwise I'm just wandering around getting my a-- shot off for reasons I don't understand. Meh.
I don't care this is so nasty I wanted to vomit.
I remember being asked if I even wanted to SEE mine and I squealed and told them to get it away from me.
NASTY!
With disgusting video included!
~ I hate life, a bushel and a peck / a bushel and a peck and a rope around the neck:
A taxi driver decapitated himself after tying a rope around his neck and a post before driving off at high speed.
If nothing else I guess he should get points for originality.
“This is something you’re not supposed to believe in if you are a believer in God, but it’s something that I’m a little worried about. But when you’re scared, you keep praying and ask it kindly to leave politely, and pray and hopefully that will work.”Just in case it won’t leave on its own, Nadya says she’s going to place up to 20 Bibles around the home to ward off any spirits.
She just can't get enough attention.
“After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learny ed that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls,” she said. “I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my vagina. It took me ages to get it out!”
Ok, I can think of 5... no... 8... different ways this is just wrong. Mr. Winky does not appreciate being introduced to Mr. Nail Clipper, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCE! Mmmkay?
Well this is just sad.
NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Former Titans quarterback Steve McNair has been killed. Police said McNair suffered a fatal gunshot wound to the head in downtown Nashville.Read the article.
An onlooker said: "The men took a lot of care unloading and moving the coffin. They did everything very respectfully."
Wow...sure hope they do it that way, since it's done for everyone else. Caskets aren't cheap. I'm surprised it's not covered in rhinestones.
Meanwhile Jacko's pal and music producer Quincy Jones yesterday vowed NOT to attend the funeral.Mr Jones said he would not be able to cope with the sadness.
You and the entire continent of Asia.
Article with pix goodness.
It's a defining moment in a parent's life: Seeing their unborn child's image on an ultrasound for the first time. Now pregnant women could have the chance to hold a life-size model of their unborn baby.
Science can do amazing things.
This one's just too weird, even for Jackson: if this report is to be believed, the King of Pop is going to be plastinated and mounted next to his (now) plastic chimp in an exhibit in downtown London.
The mind boggles...
So how is an environmental activist to make sure an obvious hazard to the health and welfare of people and animals is safe? Pretty much the way you'd expect:
The city should conduct a thorough environmental review before letting thousands of people watch fireworks from the partially remediated toxic waste site that is Gas Works Park, an environmental activist says.
If this doesn't define, "having a slow news day over there, are ya?" I'm not sure what does.
Coming to a free download site near you: allegations have surfaced that there may be a John Edwards sex tape. Not the dude who talks to dead people, the dude who keeps trying to salvage his political career. Neither of whom I have any even vague curiosity to see naked. *SHUDDER*
A very DED No-Prize to Ron!
Television "pitchman" Billy Mays — who built his fame by appearing on commercials and infomercials promoting household products and gadgets — died Sunday.Mays, 50, was found unresponsive by his wife inside his Tampa, Fla., home at 7:45 a.m. on Sunday, according to the Tampa Police Department.
Olivia and I always got a kick out of his infomercials.
Big buildings do lots of things well. Tipping over and splatting into the mud isn't one of them. With picture!
No, really, when old people attack:
A group of well-to-do pensioners who lost their savings in the credit crunch staged an arthritic revenge attack and held their terrified financial adviser to ransom, prosecutors said yesterday.
Alternate: "When getting them off your lawn just won't do."
There's nothing quite like radical lefties when it comes to doing stupid sh-t to their kids:
Pop’s parents, both 24, made a decision when their baby was born to keep Pop’s sex a secret. Aside from a select few – those who have changed the child’s diaper – nobody knows Pop’s gender; if anyone enquires, Pop’s parents simply say they don’t disclose this information.
Oh I know, I know, loopy righties do just as many evil things to their kids. Thing is, when that happens the feds usually show up outside the compound and start shooting dogs and setting houses on fire & stuff. In Europe they're just arrested.
These people get admiring quotes from academics. Woo-hoo!
Ellen had a nasty habit of trying to make this work back when we lived in an apartment many years ago:
A teenage girl was discovered dead this weekend, electrocuted after dropping her laptop in the bathtub.
And it's important for Ron to remember that mudding can be dangerous. Dangerous to the dumb and panicky, that is:
Five people died after a pickup truck got stuck in a shallow pond and sat with the engine running for several minutes while the truck was submerged just above the tailpipe, West Texas authorities said Monday.
I have to think the latter was caused by a not-so-stock truck. Many modern vehicles actually clean the air of pollutants, and all of them emit so little poisonous gas it can take a very long time indeed to build up to toxic levels. A car without these devices, however, can kill very quickly indeed.
The UK government has released the most secret of all British cold war documents. Well, that's what the article says, anyway. Me, I think a detailed point-by-point plan for all events leading up to the full release of nuclear weapons is a big secret, even a really big one. But most secret of all?
You just cannot help not looking!
There are some messed up feet out there!
Sometimes no explanation is needed:
The NASA moon bombing, a component of the LCROSS mission, may also trigger conflict with known extraterrestrial civilizations on the moon as reported on the moon in witnessed statements by U.S. astronauts Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong, and in witnessed statements to NSA (National Security Agency) photos and documents regarding an extraterrestrial base on the dark side of the moon.
Damned government demolition projects. Even on the moon they manage to screw up some historic settlement or another.
Annie gets the coveted Snoopy no-prize for bringing us news that at least one local government wants all its employees to cough up their social networking usernames and passwords.
Making the rounds: young actor chased into street by teenage girls, nearly run over by cab. OH NOES!!! That would've meant no more... ok. Rrmm. What's that dratted vampire thing Amber's so into again? Twilight, that's it. *ahem*
OH NOES!!! That would've meant no more twilight movies! This cannot be!
Leave it to PETA to put a cherry of lunacy on top of a bit of strangeness.
He said she knew 'exactly what she wanted'.'The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit.
'They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotized her. What rubbish!
'She asked for 56 stars and that’s what she got.'
To remove the stars would require surgery costing £8,500.
I wouldn't get tattoo by that guy. Poor girl.
So, who do you believe, the woman claiming a stranger invaded her home, or the traveling salesman claiming he was assaulted by a drunk and his wife? I didn't even know traveling salesmen still existed.
The bottle is about 4 inches tall and 2 inches wide on either side with about 3 ounces of some kind of liquid surrounding the specimen, Gagan said.
It's not everyday you get a fetus in a jar wash up on shore!
Takes a whole new meaning on looking for sea shells.
Officials in China have arrested a father and his accomplices for digging up the corpse of a teenage girl to marry the corpse of his teenage son. And all this time you thought that movie was just fiction.
Chastity Bono has an appointment to become Chaz Bono. As if that family weren't confusing enough.
Some days I think, "wouldn't it have been better to be a little more adventurous in my youth? You know, not such a wall flower?" And then I think, "No, not really."
Plastic surgery, there he goes!
Note to self: having tenure does not make you immune to mental illness. But it does mean you get to keep your job while you're annoying the s- out of the rest of the world. Remember, folks, mental illness is not the scary, misunderstood Jack Nicholson character trying to liberate an American Indian for the good of the country. It's Phil Specter in a wig shoving a gun in some hottie's mouth after ruining his seventh party in a row insisting the Jews really are behind it all. The former is fun an enlightening, the latter scares the s- out of you when it isn't making you claw your eyes out in frustration.
Hey, man, why not yank fire alarms, smash windows, and tear apart sprinkler systems on the say-so of a phone call? Bonus: location is Conway, Arkansas.
"There's no underestimating baseball's versatile capacity for killing us." Sometimes growing up an unathletic nerd had its advantages.
Somehow I don't see him hanging this one on the wall:
A commercial fisherman reeled in a live missile in the Gulf of Mexico and kept it on his boat for 10 days, authorities in Florida said.Police said the boat's captain, Rodney Soloman, hooked the air-to-air guided missile 50 miles off the coast of Panama City. The Air Force and Navy use the area for weapons training.
Personally I think it'd make a nifty decoration, except for that whole potential to go all explody & stuff.
Ok, so, go read "confessions of an e-bay opium addict," and help me decide. Is this guy a) a tragic, youthful victim of post-modern angst, b) a coddled a-hole with a high Mach number and a (presumably long-ago spent) big trust fund, or c) a total fake? My first thought was b), but toward the end I started thinking maybe c). Regardless, he's a pretty good writer. I just wish he'd get a damned job.
All that trash they found in the Atlantic? Yeah, it's not the airliner. What I want to know is, doesn't anyone care they've found mysterious bits of ship wreckage in the middle of the Atlantic?
Sometimes a devil appears on my shoulder and says, "hey, these fancy European cars you have... they could always use a little more horsepower, right?" Then, suddenly, another devil that looks like Ellen* appears, slaps me, and says, "What's the matter with you?!? don't you know you're not the only one who'll be driving it?"
Owners of boys may point and laugh at what I'll be going through in 7 more years, but at least mine's astronomically less likely to pull a stunt like this. The trick, I suppose, is making sure she's not dumb enough to ride around with a boy who's dumb enough to do this. Ah, the joys of parenting...
With video!
----
* What? I wanted to say "angel", but that would've made at least three people I know pass out from laughter.
Sunday Metro (UK): Dave Taylor, who leases the farm, said he got a phone call from his father who was driving along the motorway, telling him his cows were exploding.
Sounds... messy? Moo. Mo-*BOOM!!!*
A Russian woman got so upset by the news that her boyfriend intended to leave her that she tied several firecrackers to his penis and exploded them, the Life.ru web-site reports.
It's in the newspaper, so it's got to be true!
The girl was found by her 7-year-old brother on a treadmill in the Phoenix home Monday. She had been strangled by a cord connected to the machine, said Sgt. Andy Hill of the Phoenix Police Department.This is why you don't let a 4 year old out of your sight."We believe the child was on the treadmill but it was not running at the time. She might have been playing like it was," Hill said.
SEOUL, South Korea - North Korea defied world powers and carried out an underground test Monday of a nuclear bomb Russian officials said was comparable to those that obliterated Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The incident drew condemnation from Washington to Beijing and set the communist regime up for a showdown with the United Nations.
Time to take that country down.
Oh, come on. You know you've thought about doing this:
A passerby pushed a would-be suicide jumper off a bridge in southern China because he was angry at the jumper's "selfish activity," Chinese media reported Saturday.
Of course, thinking isn't the same as doing.
Looks like Hajji the Mighty Pirate may be picking up some new toys for the next season. According to the comments, manpad SAMs may not be all that much of a threat. Which is fine to say sitting behind a computer far away from the action. To a pilot who sees one whooshing his way, maybe not so much.
All those times I called the area where my in-laws lived "quiet" and "boring"? I take them back:
Four men due in court Thursday to face charges of plotting to bomb Jewish sites and shoot down military planes were arrested after planting what they thought were explosive devices near a synagogue and community center, authorities say.Officials told The Associated Press the arrests came after a nearly yearlong undercover operation that began in Newburgh, N.Y., about 70 miles north of New York City.
Still not gonna move there. :P :)
Shades of that scene from Little House on the Prairie:
A destructive menace is heading west on I.H. 10 with San Antonio in its sites. It's the crazy Raspberry ant that was first spotted in Houston in 2002. No one knows where it came from or how to control it but it reproduces faster than any insect experts have ever seen.
...
Raspberry tells this story of a woman who called his office two weeks ago."While the lady was talking to us she was telling to her 2 year old honey it's ok they won't bite you, They were crawling over over her baby, " he said.
Texas... it's like a whole other country planet!
Problem: Doping official shows up to your bodybuilding contest.
Solution: Run like hell:
The Belgian bodybuilding championship has been canceled after doping officials showed up and all the competitors fled.A doping official says bodybuilders just grabbed their gear and ran off when he came into the room.
Ha-ha!
This can't be right. It' doesn't have "bad makeup", "dramatic sighs at jailbait", or "form ridiculous love triangle with jailbait and weirdo reservation escapee." Don't even get me started on the wacky baseball skills...
This is why, when Ellen takes her dream storm-chaser vacation, she's doing it on her own. To paraphrase, "what good's a life insurance policy if you're not around to use it?"
The crack reporters who filed this story are accepting the local sheriff's department conclusion that the woman suffered "an accidental death due to inappropriate use of a jackhammer*." Me, I think if this had come out of Asia they would've called it what it seems to be from here... a particularly bizarre and spectacular suicide. But hey, that's just my opinion, wtf do I know?
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* Read the article, or do the math.
Sometimes the pedophile is a person you'd never suspect. Other times, well, not so much. Why, yes, I do think the reverse can also be true. Stop mumbling "pot, kettle, black" under your breath! I can hear you!*
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* It's a complicated joke. Think about it, then laugh.
Say what you will about progressives... they still retain the power to surprise:
Venezuela’s president Hugo Chavez has just done what no other cellphone company in the world would dare do. Chavez has launched the first ever “penis” phone.
This one's just too weird to be true, but there's a picture!
Nothing like giving birth to your identical twin brother 30 years after he died in the womb to ruin your day. Now that's going to be one helluva bar bet he'll be able to win from now on.
One of the largest free-standing sculptures in the world is set to become one of the largest collapsed statues in the world. What was that? Something the Soviets built as a grand monument is getting ready to collapse, and they can't fix it because people keep stealing the money? Say it ain't so!
Every time I think I've seen furries at their weirdest, I'm proven wrong. I dunno, I guess hot, itchy sex is better than no sex at all.
Thing is, humanity's spent 90% of its existence living with these things living inside them. Those smelly leftist hippies who think the only thing wrong with us is that we're too modern? Yeah, let's stick 'em on a boat to Worm Island, see how much they like it.
Nature is only fun if there's a hot shower and a cold beer at the end of it.
Nothing like your workplace going up in a fireball to ruin your whole day. Fortunately nobody was injured. Ron gets a no-prize with a funny, dangerous smell for bringing us something that happened in one of his former back yards.
Today's "Yet Another Reason Not to Move to Australia" filing comes courtesy Queensland, Australia:
Australia is known around the world for its large and deadly creepy crawlies, but even locals have been shocked by the size of the giant venomous spiders that have invaded an Outback town in Queensland.
With "six cm of creepy goodness" picture!
Hopefully there warn't anyone inside it when the rock hit the windshield. Meh. It'll buff out.
And yes that is... well, was... a Milano.
No, really, when impressionists attack:
Vincent van Gogh did not cut off his own ear but lost it in a fight with fellow artist Paul Gauguin in a row outside a brothel, it has been claimed.
Mark gets a no-prize that'll get all stabby if he gets it drunk for bringing us yet another "conventional wisdom ain't so conventional after all" story.
So, do you believe a female Russian hair dresser foiled a robbery attempt on her store and then held the robber captive as a sex slave for the next three days? Yeah, I don't either. Still, it makes for a fun story!
After the car was hit by the van, there was a loud scream from the woman whose mouth was covered with blood,” he said.The woman later followed her lover to the hospital with part of the sexual organ.
What a more perfect way to get caught cheating
Making the rounds: Main stream media outlet "suddenly" discovers that getting rid of unionized teachers is hard. I guess the NEA must've missed a payment to the LA Times' "widows and orphans" fund.
Remind me again, why vouchers are a bad idea?
It would appear 2007 would be the year Skynet woke up:
The incident took place in June 2007 at a factory in Bålsta, north of Stockholm, when the industrial worker was trying to carry out maintenance on a defective machine generally used to lift heavy rocks. Thinking he had cut off the power supply, the man approached the robot with no sense of trepidation.But the robot suddenly came to life and grabbed a tight hold of the victim's head.
Mynd you, røbøt bites Kan be pretty nasti
Want to see what happens when nerdy types with too much time, talent, and their parent's cash get out of hand? Take a look. I've never understood why many men (and a few women) seem to think it's funny to make other people's lives annoying just for the sake of it. Life is just too damned difficult as it is to have some incompetent boob making it worse just for the fun of it. I guess I'm just too much of a wimp to "get it."
So, are the signs a warning, or an advertisement? One of the things Europeans often use to knock Americans is how hung up we are about sex. What they do not realize is that in a society as diverse as ours is being conservative about this particular human behavior is just about the only way to ensure the cab driver from Somalia doesn't rape the waitress from Amsterdam because he thought she "was asking for it." Even then, it doesn't work very well, but the alternative can only exist inside comparative monocultures like those found in Europe and Asia.
Yes, yes, I know, you're quite diverse full of immigrants look how well everyone gets along yadda yadda yadda. If that were really so, there's a whole line of questions I'd like to ask about things like riots, the rise of conservative anti-immigration parties, taffy-stretch twangs of various sub-cultures trying to pull away and make their own countries, etc.
It's easy to pick on America, because we put our problems out there for everyone to see. The reason we don't pick back is it takes quite a bit of digging to figure out just what's wrong on the other side. The thing is, the problems are still there, and harder to solve for the hiding.
It's like it's 1983 all over again:
On a rainy night last fall, a couple of months after Riner bought her Prius, she was driving toward the Houston Galleria for a sales meeting ... Suddenly she felt the car hydroplaning out of control, and when she glanced at the speedometer she realized the car had shot up to 84 mph. Riner wasn't hydroplaning; quite simply, her Prius had accelerated on its own.
Back then, Audi tried everything it could to reproduce the "sudden acceleration syndrome," but couldn't. What the Germans never really understood was the problem had very little to do with their cars and everything to do with American politics and media perceptions. Audi people who talk to car journalists seem bitter about it to this day.
Will this "new" Prius behavior have the same root causes* as the Audi phenomenon more than twenty five years ago? Almost certainly. Will the results to Toyota's reputation be a severe as they were for Audi? Hard to tell. The Japanese have always been more agile when it comes to PR, and they do have the lesson of Audi before them.
We'll see...
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*to wit: alcohol, inattentive drivers, and extremely attentive lawyers.
What is it with Asians and spectacularly weird murders? Combine them with the Eastern European predilection of cutting off one's wang for various reasons and hey, you've got a real party!
A mysterious figure resembling a human being was sighted on the Doha Corniche’s parking lot, according to a report published in a local Arabic daily.
With picture! Hey, it's in the paper, it's gotta be true! An Arabic paper, even better!
Bank: 1, Pregnant Chick: 0. Money quote:
But she got distracted when her cell phone rang. Police said she began talking to the caller and left the bank without taking any money. No one was hurt.
This is also why Ellen *or* Amber would make for lousy bank robbers, but both together might be dangerous. As long as Ellen lied to Amber about the meet time by about half an hour, that is.
No, really, when bees attack! Ron gets a no-prize that'll have to be taken to the Superdome and cooled to near-freezing before it's safe* for bringing us this abject lesson in why convertible and Jeep owners should button their @#$%'ing cars up after parking them. And I thought that dime-sized spider was bad...
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* Yeh, reference, go look it up.
Sometimes things need no further explanation: "There is a loud popping sound, excruciating pain and swelling."
Remember, folks, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast!
The thing is, I have yet to meet anyone who wants to give government benefits to illegal immigrants. Yet any time someone voices their opposition out loud all hell seems to break loose.
I have a somewhat warped, and obviously minority, view. I believe it's completely outrageous an illegal immigrant can have access to any government service. Well, apart from certain transportation services provided by the INS at any rate. However, I also believe it should be made easier for people to become citizens of the US.
The reasoning behind my views are detailed and various, and too long to go into at the moment. Unless someone starts waving beer at me, that is. Anyone buying?
Rumor: Bits in old Singer sewing machines can be used to build a nuke.
Result: a run on sewing machines in Saudi Arabia.
The mind boggles...
See? See what happens when you ban candy cigarettes?!?
Children will imitate what they see others doing, on TV or in person. It only takes one careless parent with a crack pipe (as if there were any other type with a crack pipe) to start a whole stupid trend.
I'm not at all certain Conjugal Harmony is for-real, but it makes for an interesting idea. The profiles on the front page just look too good to be true.
There's colorful houses, and then there's colorful houses. It's said the English value eccentricity above all other human habits. Sometimes I have to wonder if it's a case of being careful what one wishes for.
"F- you, mom, and f- dad and f- your f-ing cats! Now let's go to the gun range.
The video is not as splatterific as others I've seen of this type, but it's still pretty graphic. Very, very sad.
Sometimes you can't improve on the headline: child born with second penis in the middle of his back. With non-gross but very strange picture.
Fortunately, after removing the extra organ the child appears to be doing fine.
Ron gets a no-prize that just better stay on that side of the room for bringing us Furries for Christ. No, really!
I make absolutely no promises about how SFW it is. I clicked a few things, and didn't find anything that'd get ME in trouble.
Sophie Tucker, apparently named after a late US entertainer, fell overboard as Jan Griffith and her family sailed through choppy waters off the northeast Queensland coast in November.The dog was believed to have drowned and Griffith said the family was devastated.
But out of sight of the family, Sophie Tucker was swimming doggedly and finally made it to St Bees Island, five nautical miles away, and began the sort of life popularised by the TV reality show "Survivor."
Read entire sappy story.
Three hour tour tickets to Nina!
Having solved all other... check that, having proved to be incapable of solving most problems, the California legislature has decided an effective way to reduce carbon emissions is to ban black cars. As long as they send the Ferraris my way, I'm all for it!
The miniscule chihuahua-Jack Russell cross - appropriately named Tom Thumb by its owners - is a serious contender for the title of being the smallest dog on the planet.Little Tom was born just three weeks ago as part of a surprise litter to mum Spice, a chihuahua.
Just spay the dog.
Alternate title... when rednecks attack EACH OTHER. I love how he lights a cigarette at the end.
How to avoid a Darwin award, step 1: never, ever, ever let anyone point a loaded pistol at you.
In America, we have children's TV hosts who talk in calm voices about how farmers do their job. In Germany, the host shows you exactly how it is done:
A children's TV chef looks to have gone a little too far after killing, skinning and cooking the Easter bunny.
Different cultures, different ways. I'll bet she's from Bavaria or some other... "rustic" ... area of the country.
Looks like PETA is much more interested in publicity than it is in actually caring for animals. Placing seven pets out of 2200 is pretty pathetic. It probably represents animals taken home by employees, not any real effort at getting homeless animals new owners.
Fans of the macabre or of places off-limits should find this "unauthorized" exploration of the catacombs of Paris of interest. Considering how big and how old they are, I'd be surprised if the authorities were actually able to completely restrict access.
Being a more "technically aware" sort of family, I hope we're able to avoid things like this in the future:
The FBI Arrested 40 year-old Robert Lavern Davison and brought him to Utah to go before a judge this week. Police say he used the internet to lure a 13 year-old girl from Centerville, Utah to California.
And just wait 'till you see the pictures.
Why would she fire the nurse-nannies that were charitably provided for her by the nonprofit Angels in Waiting?She just gets stranger by the day.
Nothing like a couple of gung-ho nutjobs to ruin the reputation of a whole group:
Israel's military condemned soldiers for wearing T-shirts of a pregnant woman in a rifle's cross-hairs with the slogan "1 Shot 2 Kills," and another of a gun-toting child with the words, "The smaller they are, the harder it is."
Look, liberals don't need an excuse to flip out. Doing something like this is like pouring rocket fuel on a particularly loony fire.
Nothing like a deadly-poisonous spider to liven up your morning grocery run. Now that's fresh produce!
Abject lesson in why there's no such thing as a concourse-winning street car:
The Milano and the Cruiser would likely be fine. Well, the Cruiser would be, parts for it are obviously quite common. The Milano... well, fixable. I wouldn't put money on that driver's chances if Ellen ever caught up with him. Let's just say she's not "as forgiving as the Emperor."
The Spider would be a bashed-up little ball, its "unobtanium" stainless-steel bumpers smashed beyond recognition. Which is why I don't parallel park it. Outer-Mongolia parking spot, FTW!
In the "taxpayer outrage" category we have a whole UK family on their equivalent of disability who claim they're too fat to work and the payments don't cover their bills. The sense of entitlement and just outright balls of the people are impressive. Will that be what the US turns into after 12 years of liberal rule? Let's hope we don't have to find out.
"He's 5 feet tall and 5 feet under, the leprechaun grave digger of southern Minnesota." Oh really, yah? Youbetcha!
But... but... now that Obama is in charge this sort of thing is supposed to stop! Oh, I remember... "the outgoing Bush administration so screwed up the world that it will take years for Obama to undo all the damage. If ever." Nice careful phrasing there, Lou. Otherwise people might think you're trying to blame everything bad on Bush, and credit everything good to Obama, forever.
Oh... wait...
Olivia and I had to go around this today. I complained about the hassle the entire orange -> yellow -> blue -> orange detour we had to take to get home, but that was before I learned some dude used a metro car to cure his headache. That just couldn't have been very pretty.
All of those who think men are the only ones who do dumb things with their privates are pleased to be sitting down and shutting up now. I can honestly say it's the first time I've ever seen "sex toy" and "saber saw" used in the same story.
Yeah, I bet that's gonna leave a mark.
Lisa R. gets a no-prize that'll make everyone cringe for bringing us a story about a man, his junk, and an angry horse. And by "junk", I'm not talking about the type you take to Fred Sanford. Ptooey!!!
India has a problem. A poo problem. And no, it's not cow or elephant poo:
Until May 2007, Meera Devi rose before dawn each day and walked a half mile to a vegetable patch outside the village of Kachpura to find a secluded place.Dodging leering men and stick-wielding farmers and avoiding spots that her neighbors had soiled, the mother of three pulled up her sari and defecated with the Taj Mahal in plain view.
Yeah, I think "yuck" is a good word here.
No, really, when kangaroos attack:
Not a bird, or a plane, but a kangaroo has crashed through the bedroom window of a Canberra family's home before terrorising its unsuspecting occupants.
Lisa R. gets a no-prize with boxing gloves on for bringing us even more proof that no matter how cute they are, Australia's native denizens are out to get you.
Her husband, a Briton, travels to Lexington every year for the Patriots Day reenactment and has a keen interest in the Revolutionary War. But with three small children who play in the backyard, she's not certain she even wants to know if there are bodies buried somewhere beneath.My garden grows so well!>And if radar were to discover something, archeologists and historians might come begging to dig down and find out for sure.
"We're not going to have the garden torn up," Ringrose said. "We live out there. That's one of the most peaceful things about this home."
Goldstein and Anderson would welcome an archeological dig at the site, but recognize that homeowners such as Ringrose would have to consent.
At the time the woman died, many people believed that the plague was spread by "vampires" which, rather than drinking people's blood, spread disease by chewing on their shrouds after dying. Grave-diggers put bricks in the mouths of suspected vampires to stop them doing this, Borrini says.
Lord, bless this, thy Internet, without which we perhaps would never have known about the doctor who turned a train robber into a set of comfy shoes. Nope, not his horse, him. Bonus: the doctor requested the nipples be left on.
Rescuers have called off the search for the two NFL players missing off the coast of Florida. I guess that proves definitively there are worse things than playing for the Lions, eh?
I dunno, I guess I should've seen it coming: hospital removes hand sanitizer to keep patients and visitors from drinking it. I bet it's got a real smooth finish.
But if Douglas is to be believed, he could have had sex with as many as "over a hundred" bodies in the 16 years he worked as night attendant at the Hamilton County morgueI guess there is an upside of not having to commit to a relationship."I am sure there are more (victims). I'm certain of it," Deters said Thursday in announcing new indictments against Douglas.
"This guy's just a pig. I can't explain why someone would do something like this.
... This is off-the-charts weird."
Talk about a souvenier!"We discovered the breach today," Mayfield said. "It is not complete skeletons (missing). That's a definite. It's too early to say whether it's just skulls."
The acre of property off Alcoa Highway serves as home to 197 corpses in various stages of decay used by forensic anthropologists to study human decomposition.
I hope this guy gets some sort of severe rectal problems due to this.
Who does this to a puppy?
No way... two kids and $175 for a cockatoo? Highway robbery, that is!
Now, if they're talking about that 164Q4 we linked up a few days ago... well, I don't have two kids, but I do have one, a parrot, three incontinent cats, and a high-maintenance belly dancer. Will that do?
No?
Philistines...
Mark gets a no-prize that wants a cracker for bringing us yet another case of people turning to a life of crime because they're too stupid to do anything else.
And they weren't even her kids!
More is here...
The Tunstall pub called the Ancient Briton, now a derelict site after it was targeted by arsonists, was thought to be HAUNTED.Mr Bundy, who has hung on to the footage for three years, said: "One previous landlord told a local his young son used to talk to 'another little boy'.
"And one tenant's child spoke of a COWBOY who used to pick-up his socks."
Remind me to visit that pub.
Every time I think the Japanese just can't get any weirder I'm proven so very wrong. It's my understanding that other Asian cultures hold Japan up as an example of what's wrong with Asian cultures. Sometimes I think they have a point.
Observation: The stock market's recent decline has equaled that of the Great Depression.
Conclusion: Stocks will never, ever be profitable again.
Is it just me, or does the MSM sometimes act very much like a small child after they've banged their knee? Since it's hurting now, that must mean it will hurt for ever and ever, so we must howl and cry until mommy or daddy rescues us.
Or, at the very least, vote Democrat.
It's one thing to be told India has one of the worst rates of pedestrian vs. vehicle accidents in the world. It's quite another to get a first-person view as to why. Pedestrian bridge? What's that?
Sometimes the headline just can't be beat: chair kills boy by anal penetration. No, really!
Right side bar contains R-rated NSFW pictures. Since it's Saturday, it's all good.
Alternate headline: rare bird becomes rare lunch. Hey, ya gotta eat something!
It seems playing by lawful rules makes putting pirates away a real PITA. If ever there was a case for the tactical employment of the "shot while trying to escape" rule, I think this is it. Unfortunately, in today's all-volunteer Navy, it would be inevitable that some bright-eyed teen swabbie with a razor-sharp sense of morality would blab about it, and I can't think of a captain who'd risk his career just to lob a few hajjis over the side. Can't say I'd blame him. Or her.
This story just keeps getting more weird as the days go on.
Off to work to pay for her welfare!
Today's "makes everyone get the skeevy-jeevies" article is brought to you by Uttar Prudesh, India:
It's important to have a goal in life. Indian grocer Radhakant Baijpai certainly has one - to make sure that he has the longest ear hair in the world.
With picture, of course.
Ok, I guess I'm now officially old, because not only do I not see the point in Skittle-ifying vodka, I'm actually vaguely offended by the attempt. However, I do actually remember a time when I and my (college-aged) friends would've thought this was cool. It was a long time ago.
The reaction of vodka aficionado Joshua will probably provide an equally useful barometer of his actual age.
Leave it to San Francisco to turn a winkie into a mascot. Yeah, that'll be a wonderful addition to my daughter's stuffed animal collection. Not.
WARNING: Inserting an air pistol into someone's rectum and pulling the trigger could lead to severe injury. See? Bill Engvall's been right all these years...
And what is it with Germans and buttplay? I don't think I could ever be bored enough to think jamming a gun into a friend's backside would be a fun game. W... T... F... ?!?
You know it's a bad sign when the bus's destination sign reads, "afterlife":
Jinguan Auto, a popular Chinese ambulance manufacturer, has developed a rolling execution studio. Convicts are strapped to a power sliding stretcher that extends out of the rear of the bus as it's allegedly "too brutal" to haul people on board for their final cocktail. The executions are broadcast to local law enforcement authorities to make sure they are conducted up to code.
No, Ellen, you can't have one.
LOS ANGELES - A big share of the financial burden of raising Nadya Suleman’s 14 children could fall on the shoulders of California’s taxpayers, compounding the public furor in a state already billions of dollars in the red.Even before the 33-year-old single, unemployed mother gave birth to octuplets last month, she had been caring for her six other children with the help of $490 a month in food stamps, plus Social Security disability payments for three of the youngsters. The public aid will almost certainly be increased with the new additions to her family.
“It’s my opinion that a woman’s right to reproduce should be limited to a number which the parents can pay for,” Charles Murray wrote in a letter to the Los Angeles Daily News. “Why should my wife and I, as taxpayers, pay child support for 14 Suleman kids?”
I wonder what kind of stimulus check she is getting from Obama.
Even asleep, the f'ers are dangerous. I've always maintained that if a house cat weighed 200 lbs nobody would keep one. If tigers only weighed 6, well, you get the picture...
... an official in some part of the government in the UK (it's not clear to me which) is thinking about criminalizing more forms of sexual behavior between consenting teens. Those opposed are quoted grousing against the influence of Christian groups. The unspoken camel in the room is that if it were Muslim groups doing the lobbying the law would've been passed without debate years ago. Like all good liberals and progressives, they'd much rather throw paint at old ladies than at Hell's Angels.
No, really, it wouldn't surprise me if this kid lost an eye. The "I'm an idiot and I scream like a girl" bit at the end is just frosting on a particularly stupid cake.
Just after I graduated college, say, about 1992, a local high school gym teacher was arrested for manslaughter after a similar but far deadlier stunt during an after-game party. Instead of paintballs and a soda can, it was a .22 pistol and (surprise surprise) a beer can. Unfortunately the teacher aimed a little low at the student. Darwin, as expected, was right on target.
Another year, another zillion-dollar Navy warship foundering on the rocks. If only there were devices which would warn a crew when they were approaching shallow water...
My mom probably predicted this six weeks ago: that chick with the 14 babies? Yeah, she's been on disability for about ten years now. Qualifying for Social Security disability payments is the holy grail for the US disabled. It's an absolute b*tch to get there, but once there you're set, as they don't have the time or money to re-certify your status frequently. Or at all.
And yes, I realize it's not enough money to get rich on. It's the principle of the thing, dammit.
Cow + Lightning = well, this. Cow's Ok. Well, sorta. Look, I like rare steak, but this is taking that "make sure it's mooing" thing way too far.
Ok, whacking off one's wang and then flushing it down the toilet, to me at any rate, constitutes something much stronger than "an accident." That's sort of like saying a NASCAR pile-up at turn 4 at Daytona is "a fender bender."
No, that's doesn't even approach it. I'm not sure any analogy could.
Ron gets a no-prize he just better not shake too hard for bringing us news that the Boys in Blue have f'd up another set of nuclear security inspections. Is it because they're f-ups, or is it because the inspections are hard and meant to be failed the first few times? I'd like to think the latter, but I'm not all that optimistic.
A 16 year-old German... person? ... has become the youngest person known to have undergone sex reassignment surgery. Born Tim, Kim is now looking forward to, well, certainly a different sort of life. Ellen and I have seen a few documentaries about people who undergo this surgery, and from that information we've discovered the result is very far indeed from the surgeon waving a magic scalpel and then ting!!! what was once a 100% male body is now a 100% female body in both form and functions.
"Shunts" are neither romantic nor particularly attractive, and just because it sorta looks like a vagina doesn't make it one. I just hope no German tax dollars were spent on this. Knowing the reputation of the EU social safety net, I'm not keeping my hopes up.
Former French president Jacques Chirac was recently hospitalized after being attacked by his dog. Which sounds, you know, scary and stuff, until you get to the part where they explain Mr. Chirac's dog is one of those little ankle-biter breeds people insist on keeping for some damned reason. Me, I simply wouldn't put up with such behavior. However, the entire in-law side of my family, both sides of it, as far back as the eye can see, has put up with them for as long as anyone can remember. I therefore have to sit on Ellen any time one of these little acid-drooling demon hellspawn comes across her radar screen.
Otherwise I would be able to provide all local friends and house guests with (noisy and annoying) proof positive that there is in fact something much worse than a house full of incontinent, food-puking, litterbox-optional cats.
ZOMG!!1! Did you know if your kid signs up for JROTC, they'll teach them about guns?!? Can't have that, no it just won't do. Could lead to dancing!
Remember, folks... guns don't shoot people, idiots do:
A 21-year-old Marshfield man who accidentally shot his roommate told police he was spinning the gun on his finger like they did in the "Old West" when it fired, Marshfield Police Chief Joe Stroik said.
Gun safety is apparently something that happens to other people.
I think we'd all agree wearing a gas mask, wet suit, and galoshes is no way to go through life, so he didn't:
A security guard accidentally suffocated himself in an autoerotic accident, an inquest heard.Ralph Santiago, 31, was found dead in the men’s toilets of the building he worked wearing Wellington boots, a wetsuit and gas mask.
I always knew security guards usually had really dull jobs. I just didn't understand the lengths some of them would go to for entertainment.
And unlike the Cat in the Hat, it killed him stone dead:
A performer with an aerial acrobatic troupe fell headfirst to his death Tuesday during a show in front of hundreds of people in Scottsdale.
Video coming soon to a liveleak session near you!
Well, at least she was entertained:
Harford County authorities continued to investigate Monday after a 4-year-old girl was found alone Sunday evening at a restaurant. Police said her mother and aunt realized she was missing while watching a Monday morning newscast.
We go to Chuck-e's every few months or so. Amazingly, the places around us all stay open until 11 pm and seem pretty crowded as late as 9. I'm not completely surprised a kid could wander around for hours and not be noticed by the staff. Unfortunately, I'm also not completely surprised some low-rent parents and relatives would not notice until hours after the fact.
And now they've ruined it for the rest of us!
I've heard the advice, "don't f- with wild animals" before. I've paid close attention to it, and it has stood me well. Looks like someone didn't hear the "with" part in the sentence. And, of course, the "don't" part. Just when I think people can't be any dumber...
President Obama will direct federal regulators on Monday to move swiftly on an application by California and 13 other states to set strict automobile emission and fuel efficiency standards, two administration officials said Sunday.
Yeah, that's a great idea, seeing as how automakers are doing so well worldwide. If you like cars and enjoy high performance, you better move quickly, because once these regs hit the books they'll soon be as rare as the proverbial hen's teeth. Even the boring ones will end up being expensive. Europeans shouldn't laugh too hard... unlike the 70s, your greenies are powerful enough to strangle all the cool cars over there too.
After all, to the left TANSTAAFL is just a nonsensical acronym.
Me, I'd settle for a little snuggling without breaking out into a coughing fit. This guy was a lot more ambitious. I doubt if I'd be able to get over how cold the "water" was.
Go for the discussion of kids and cons, stay for the pictures of goofy fen. Especially the guy in the Wonder Woman suit.
We haven't gone to a convention in years. Mid-Atlantic fandom is just too cliquish for me, and while Ellen enjoyed the people watching just about everything else left her cold. That said, if Olivia wanted to go to a con, I certainly wouldn't stop her.
Having regulated absolutely everything else in sight, the British government has now imposed rules on music teachers. I'd like to think we're not due for 2-4 years of these sorts of shenanigans on this side of the pond. Of course, I'd like to think someone will just drive up in one of those new Alfa Romeos and hand me the keys. I'm not holding my breath for either.
If The Sun is to be believed, bubonic plague is stalking al Queda terrorist camps. I'll pull the cart, you shout and bang on the metal plate.
... but, I'm sincerely sad to say, I'm not missing my Washington Post subscription anywhere near as much, because they're just a little more partisan than this.
Inevitably they'll all turn on him, eventually. So will many of you. But in the meantime, to quote a favorite animated character of mine, "Oh would you just shut up?!? You're rats with wings!"
And get off my lawn.
Mark gets a no-prize with an impressively valueless number on it for bringing us news of the introduction of a set of Zimbabwe trillion dollar notes. 100 trillion, no less, which turns out to be about $30 US. Considering the ridiculously high denomination and the ridiculously low actual cost, I'm a little surprised a collectors market isn't springing up around these. Then again, considering how little they're worth, I'm not sure we'd notice if it did.
Now, we have a friend who collects WWII stuff for re-enacting*, but even they'd probably draw the line at this:
When another dusty cardboard box was uncovered in her uncle's attic, Lyn Fulton expected to find memorabilia from his days as a war-time air raid warden and chemistry lecturer.Instead, she found vials of deadly gases thought to date back to the Second World War.
Poison gas is not your friend!
---
* Which, as near as we can tell, is mostly an excuse to dress funny, camp, shoot guns, and drink beer**. In other words, deer hunting without the deer, sort of thing. With tanks!
** Not that there's anything wrong with that†.
† FOOTNOTES!!!
Lisa R. gets a no-prize that Darwin would love for bringing us a rather distinctive form of thrill entertainment:
Without the cage you wouldn't stand a chance swimming with a massive saltwater crocodile.But for brave punters who still want to get cosy with a feisty croc, a new Australian tourist attraction is offering the chance for a close encounter in the safety of a clear acrylic box dubbed the 'cage of death'.
With pictures!
Mark gets a sick n' twistedtm no-prize for bringing us the story of the teen who killed over a Halo game. Something tells me there was more going on there than just an XBox 360.
The PETA weirdos are at it again, this time launching an ad campaign in Australia that calls fish "sea kittens". So... um... every time you masturbate under water, God kills a goldfish?
Barbie's creator was a sex perv and Ken's namesake was a closeted gay. Who knew?
I thought it was some chick who invented barbie?
Ok, this has to be some sort of record:
[Brenton Alan Erhardt, 39] was pulled over by police on the Stuart Highway in July speeding at 147 kilometres per hour, south of Daly Waters.He admitted to officers he filmed himself masturbating while driving from Adelaide to Darwin.
He also pleaded guilty to driving unlicensed, carrying two cannabis smoking pipes, administering the drug and carrying a loaded rifle.
Ta-da!!!
Problem: smokers, having been banned from smoking in almost every place except perhaps the basements of their houses, still insist on smoking.
Solution: Move the goalposts. Again:
Third-hand smoke is what one smells when a smoker gets in an elevator after going outside for a cigarette, [Dr. Jonathan P. Winickoff, the lead author of the study and an assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School] said, or in a hotel room where people were smoking. “Your nose isn’t lying,” he said. “The stuff is so toxic that your brain is telling you: ’Get away.’”
I don't smoke, and find being in a smoke-filled room of any sort very unpleasant. That said, redefining the dangers of smoking to include the smell that comes off a smoker's clothes to me seems flat ridiculous. Second hand smoke is so dilute it took years to come up with convincing evidence of its dangers. This "third-hand" smoke would almost by definition be far more dilute, and correspondingly less dangerous.
But far be it from me to stop the nanny train from running over adults who both know the risks and take steps to prevent them from affecting their children. The anti-smoking lobby quite obviously knows better than anyone else what's good for all of us. That any of us try to hold them back just shows how irrational we all are.
More's the pity.
A British "expert in sound technology at Huddersfield University, West Yorks" is claiming Stonehenge was actually built as a sort of prehistoric disco. Hey, if that's what it takes to get your grant renewed, that's what it takes.
Mark gets a no-prize shaped like a banana peel for bringing us this graphic example of what can happen when you rush a delicate project so you can play with your new toy.
Sometimes spam is just that... "enhancements", fellows from Nigera/Poland/the US Military sitting on pots of gold which could be yours for a modest finder's fee, lonely young ladies looking for a little companionship, that sort of thing. But once in awhile, just every once in awhile, it's something quite different:
Truth is reality. That means don't stretch reality, don't bend reality, don't poke reality -- what did reality ever do to you? Who has a strong need for the mark 'of' the wild American cashcow (mooooo!), I get plasma tv/food, but you get neg value? Can't buy/sell food or cars unless a specific collateralized mark 'of' the wild American, huh.. I get plasma tv, you get neg value seems to require an apology for rest, Forrest. Apology biggest at tithing, with smiles and frowns at tithing, as the only meter for 'did I bring wholly the tithe' while monetized debt increases debt in the house of God. You know, Noah's rainbow only promised no flood, not no destruction (John 6:66, a very big heart filled with pain; Genesis 6:6, a very big heart filled with pain).
I just love it when someone wobbles off their meds in front of a computer!
Lisa R. gets a no-prize that'll make every man who sees it cringe for bringing us yet another reason to leave the spear guns at home:
A man who speared himself in the groin on the Sunshine Coast in south-east Queensland is recovering from his ordeal in hospital.
Sharks, sting rays, jelly fish, now spear guns... spear fishing must be damned near as fun as sex, considering all the dangers that surround it.
Of all the titles I've seen added to Alfa Romeo, meat importer definitely was one of the most unexpected:
Of all the weird trade deals in Australia's long mercantile history, probably none came close to the 1978 scheme to swap 7,000 tonnes of Aussie beef and offal for 2,000 Alfa Romeo cars.
As a government-owned entity, Alfa was subject to any number of goofy ideas like this, especially during the progressive/liberal 70s. As such policies are wont to do over time, they eventually sank the company. Still, having a tray of sausage patties with the cross-and-serpent logo on the front would've most likely made for an interesting bit of memorabilia.
"This is the practice of the Kurdish people for as long as anyone can remember," said the mother, Aisha Hameed, 30, a housewife in this ethnically mixed town about 100 miles north of Baghdad. "We don't know why we do it, but we will never stop because Islam and our elders require it."
Mind you this is done on 6-7 year olds.
And they still wonder why they do not get respect and are called savages.
A game of "tag" is all well and good, until the polar bears show up. No, really!
Lisa R. gets a no-prize that'll play that famous theme at the touch of a button for bringing us yet another in a long line of shark attacks in Australian waters. Just in time for the holidays!
No, really... when underwear attacks:
Thirteen people, including an 8-year-old girl, suffered injuries Saturday when an explosive device went off at a kiosk selling underwear near the Prazhskaya metro station in southern Moscow, Interfax reported Sunday.
Sheesh.
Even though it's in Australia, I'm not chalking this one up to any particularly interesting aspect of that country's well-known deadliness. You see, I expect someone to die when they try to get at a kite stuck in power lines with a metal pole. It's a Darwin sort of thing.
What a way to make sure your family remembers the holidays: man dies when the skid loader he was driving tumbled into a manure pond. I've seen those things on Dirty Jobs. They look just as nasty as they sound.
Mark gets an explosive no-prize for bringing us evidence no matter how extreme you thought you were with fireworks as a kid, there's always someone out there willing to take it to the next level. BOOM!!!
No, really, when foot massagers attack:
So, we're not really sure what's going on here, but three people have been killed by mis-using a Japanese foot massager.
We had a back massager that would give you a nasty pinch if you weren't careful with it, but I never feared for my life around it.
Actually, I'm surprised it's taken this long for anyone to notice: it's becoming more and more common for people to be buried with their (in some cases active, fully charged) cell phones. This suggests a very interesting experiment to prove if there is in fact an afterlife. Simply make sure Ellen and Amber are buried with theirs, and then watch the phone bill. My wager: a $400 phone and $1000 text bill the next month.
Ah, to be a teenager in the 21st century:
Lord knows we encourage enough tatting around here, but like the mafia, we don't deliberately go for the face.Of course, this is on the side of her head, and this person probably wasn't looking for a high powered career in sales or games PR. Actually, it sounds like this tattoo was an impulse buy.
Once she turns 18 my leverage over Olivia regarding these sorts of things will, of course, require a bit of finesse. Before then? A face tattoo? Oh hell no.
Ok, it's official, in Australia, even the f'ing laser printers can kill you:
Snakes often turn up in strange places, but this brown tree snake has decided to join the digital age.It has set up home in a printer of Lismore couple Denis and Marie Matthews.
This is Australia after all, so the snake is naturally poisonous, albeit apparently not terribly so. No, Ellen, you can't have one.
Today's "What the F- Were They Thinking?!?" award goes to whoever runs cross promotions at the Cincinnati Zoo:
The Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden and the Creation Museum have made a joint marketing agreement and are selling "combo tickets" to get into both attractions for one price.
It would be nice to think that this is a clever plot to separate rubes from their cash and then send them to Kentucky where they belong, but hey, this is Ohio we're talking about here. "Never ascribe to malice..."
Ok, which is, rrm... tasteless-er... a funeral home advertising pre-planned child funeral services, or a planned parenthood clinic offering gift certificates for the holiday season? Social conservatives would most likely note they're, respectively, reactive and proactive solutions to the same "problem." I'm not one of those people, but this is one of those times when I don't care how practical the motive might be, it's just not something I'm comfortable with being promoted so openly.
Meh. Probably a no-win, because if they'd restricted the certificates to exclude abortion, the social progressives would have piled on right behind the Catholic hierarchy.
Happy holidays!
All those times I've complained about our Alfas leaking things onto the garage floor? Yeah, I think I'll stop complaining as much now:
A car left parked in front of a Sacramento [CA] man's home yielded a startling discovery Wednesday morning.The resident, who lives on the 6200 block of 40th Street called authorities to report the Ford Taurus has been parked in front of his home since Tuesday and there was fluid leaking from the trunk.
You'd think the smell would've given it away.
I'm actually surprised it's taken this long for someone to realize who's really behind all the increased pirate activity off the coast of Somalia.
All together now... JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!!
Ok, it's official, the "I don't know what to make of it" trifecta is now in play:
Michael Bowers, aka Chubby Mikey, is set to be the surprise calendar hit of the year.The gay 29-year-old from Memphis, USA, is so proud of his size, he has posed nude in a series of 'sexy' shots.
I've said it before, I'll say it again. The people who most want to be seen naked are the people just about everyone else least wants to see naked.
Ok, put it a different way... me, in a thong, on a beach.
Ah geeze... you didn't have to run screaming for the mind bleach. Decorum people, decorum!
Not content with promoting a sixty year-old technology with built-in transient clicks and pops, the "indie" scene seems to be bringing back the cassette tape. Unlike the LP, which at least approaches the S/N ratio of CDs and other digital media, cassettes have always had terrible sound. People can buy 100 blank CDs for, what, $30? Heck I'm not sure it's possible to buy a computer that can't write CDs.
Bah. It never was about the sound, it's about the scene. It's your money, spend it the way you want.
She answered: 'It was when I was a child when I lived in Africa. We always went to the same butcher and then suddenly - we were there a couple of years - the meat started to get so much better.Umm....yeah...'It was only when we moved back to England a couple of years later that we realised that the butcher had been arrested because he farmed little black girls."
Well, certainly not Mark, but still:
A man wearing a World War II Nazi uniform and carrying a powerful German rifle of the same vintage quickly told police his mission: He was on the way to kill a man.
Something called an "8mm Mauser" sounds more like a pistol than a powerful gun, but wtf do I know?
When you encourage people to broadcast live videos of themselves doing things, it's inevitable that one of those things will eventually be offing themselves. I've seen video clips on the internet of people killing themselves in much more spectacular ways than a drug overdose for years now. Just because it's "live" doesn't mean it's any less sad. It just means another set of people had a chance to stop it, and didn't.
Ron gets a rare second no-prize in one day for bringing us a most... unusual... wedding (completely SFW).
Umm... I'm not completely sure that's real. If it is...
Well...
Rrr...
[Swing arms out, swing back in, clap hands loudly once...]
Yeah...
Note to self: When being an iron-clad sonofabitch, try to make sure there aren't any cameras running. I've actually known more than a few guys like this, back in my starving student days*. It's nice to see they eventually end up in jail where they belong. I just wish we could keep them there.
Ron gets a no-prize he can use to get into people's faces for bringing us this "not-quite-cops-but-shoulda-been" news clip.
---
* Fry cook being one of the few entry-level jobs available to felons.
Lisa R. gets yet another "so harmless it's deadly" no-prize for bringing us something else to add to the list of things that will kill you in Australia:
Australia's harsh Simpson Desert conservation park will be closed during the southern hemisphere summer to prevent tourists dying in the outback, authorities said on Tuesday.
Ah, the national park. The wilderness! The wildlife! The dead campers rotting in the sun!
LolWhut?!?
Coffin: 1, Little Old Lady: 0. See, if this were Ellen's hearse, the coffin would've properly been secured. Tie-downs: they're not just for groceries, ya know?
Bah, couple of sheets of scrap metal, a little bondo, and it'll be good as new. Hopefully the driver will be ok. I amazed whoever it was got out in one piece.
Weirdly, on the way to dropping off Ellen for work we passed a similar tableau, except this one was "burly hotrodded Chrysler sedan: 0, telephone pole: 1." There were two cops on the scene but no ambulances or fire trucks, so my speculation was a drunk who hit a pole and then wandered home on foot. But what do I know?
While it's pretty obvious the thing is not really abandoned, this tour of North Korea's largest amusement park is still surreal enough to entertain. The article includes a bonus video that gives you a ride on the "roller coaster of death". And you thought the local fair was dangerous!
It's funny when it's a movie. It's Just Not Right when it's an article of clothing. Tights go on men who're engaging in winter sports/activities or are performing in a variety of (fabulous) events. Otherwise... JUST SAY NO!
Guard rails? We don't need no steeking guard rails!
And that, children, is why race cars have roll cages.
Two words: Liquid Smoking. As if a beer glass used as an ash tray didn't smell bad enough...
And they wonder why they are called 'stone chuckers' for a reason.
Human rights group Amnesty International says the victim was a 13-year-old girl who had been raped.Third World County...always a Third World Country.Initial reports had said she was a 23-year-old woman who had confessed to adultery before a Sharia court.
Numerous eye-witnesses say she was forced into a hole, buried up to her neck then pelted with stones until she died in front of more than 1,000 people last week.
I will now officially upgrade magpies to "damned dangerous":
Anelderly woman has been forced to have her leg amputated after it became infected and then gangrenous when she was pecked by a pet magpie.
This article includes a picture of an example of the miscreant.
And yes, it ended up exactly where you're thinking it did.
Sometimes you just can't do better than the headline: Aquaholic drinks himself to death by gorging on a hosepipe.
Sounds like a tragic case of unmedicated OCD to me.
Mark gets a no-prize that looks suspiciously like the ones Lisa R. gets for bringing us this report of an Australian spider caught eating a bird. Apparently it's a video, but I got such huge heebie-jeebies from the picture I didn't have the guts to find the film. YEESH!!!
Cricket as big as your open hand, anyone? Every time I think the insect world couldn't get any creepier, I'm proven wrong.
Fans of abandoned places who have lots of patience should find this collection of abandoned urban areas around the world of interest. The site is really slow, and the text isn't as informative as I'd hoped, but it was still informative, at least to me.
Lisa R. gets yet another deadly no-prize for bringing us yet another example of Australia trying its level best to kill whomever tries to live there. Australia: go for the beaches, stay because the inhabitants put you into a box.
Lisa R. gets an explosive no-prize for bringing us news of yet another meteor impact in Australia. Geeze. If the magpies don't get you, it would seem the sky will.
Ah, Switzerland, where the watches are accurate, the chocolate is superb, and even the plants have rights:
For years, Swiss scientists have blithely created genetically modified rice, corn and apples. But did they ever stop to consider just how humiliating such experiments may be to plants?That's a question they must now ask. Last spring, this small Alpine nation began mandating that geneticists conduct their research without trampling on a plant's dignity.
Equal rights for plants... coming to a progressive party near you!
More than 2100 WWII-era bombs were recently discovered during a routine property survey in Germany. "The find is the biggest in Germany this year, the state’s military ordnance disposal service said."
This year?!?
Alternate title: Paging the Church Lady, white courtesy phone please. I picked a different one because nobody under 20 will know what the heck I'm talking about.
No, really! When magpies attack:
A little girl from Mandurah [Australia] may lose the sight in one of her eyes after a terrifying magpie attack last week.
Lisa R. gets an innocent looking no-prize with a mean streak for bringing us yet another example of wildlife which is harmless everywhere else but downright dangerous in Australia.
Oh, and "sunnies?" I think she may be going native on us.
Britain is on the verge of deploying speed cameras which will monitor all highways, all the time, everywhere. The Japanese wanted similarly strict speed compliance but chose a different route. Well, they did back in the 80s when I was following such things. In those cars, any time you exceeded the national speed limit an apparently really loud and really annoying buzzer would sound. The British solution has the advantage that it can't be disconnected like the buzzer can.
Fortunately, for now, our kids are too young for their various grandparents to fall for this:
Delpha Speak has 13 grandchildren and she didn't think it was completely implausible that one of her grandsons-in-law would call her to say he was in trouble. The 72-year-old retiree could tell something was wrong, and she wanted to do whatever she could to help.But it was that concern that almost caught her up in what the state attorney general's office said is a common scam targeting older folks.
Geeze. Now we're gonna have to get gramma her own safe word.
Ok, so the Redskins dropped it in the pot and now Romo looks to be out for a couple of games. At least nobody died.
A certain regular commenting, "it would've been good if it happened to the Eagles" in 3... 2... 1...
Nothing says, "disconnected from reality" like dressing babies up as food dishes and setting them on the table. Relax, no children were even vaguely annoyed in the film. Martha Stewart's reputation, well, I can't vouch for that.
Those gear shifts, man, they can be some clever things. I love how it keeps bouncing off the rev limiter at the end of the clip.
Apparently in the UK it takes them five years to investigate why someone on the government dole isn't paying rent. And what's up with family members who don't visit for the entire time, leaving a corpse alone watching TV?
The National Enquirer is reporting that 17 year old Jamie Lynn Spears is now expecting for the second time just three months after giving birth on June 19 to baby Maddie Briann.
Hell even I thought it wasn't possible to get pregnant when breast feeding.
Sometimes, a lover's quarrel just makes a body hungry:
The first winner of the Mr Gay UK contest stabbed a man to death before carving a piece of flesh from his thigh, seasoning it with fresh herbs and cooking it in olive oil, a court heard yesterday.
And all this time I thought olive oil's smoke point was too high to make it a good stir fry medium.
Getting dragged by a bus for 4 miles just ruins your whole day, donchaknow? Explain that one to the insurance adjuster.
It's crap like this that kept me from ever really taking skateboarding as a hobby seriously. I have enough trouble just walking down the street without falling down.
Being on vacation means I get to troll some of the saucier sites, and this is no exception. Video is SFW, but surrounding ads... well, they're not what I'd call porn, but they're pretty darned close.
Ron gets a very... graphic no prize for bringing us yet another example of just how loopy the Japanese can be. There's an annual phallic festival somewhere in southern Japan (can't recall the city), I'll bet that's where this was taken.
In case you haven't figured it out, the SFW status on this is a bit vague. Winky-shaped ice cream cones most likely always will be.
When twelve years old your burger becomes, look as good it will not.
I'm a little chary of this one. What's been keeping mold and rot from taking hold? What's been holding the bugs at bay? Something else has been used to keep this bit of "food product" cool and very dry, I'd wager.
Great. Just great. Now I have to worry about wheelchairs too:
A holiday jet carrying 229 passengers narrowly avoided disaster when a wheelchair stored in the hold burst into flames shortly after landing at Manchester airport.
When on a plane, Mr. Sparky Battery is not your friend!
Lisa R. gets a no-prize that'll thwack Kermit if he gets out of line for bringing us news of a woman being held hostage by a semi-wild pig. My first thought would be, "pig, meet rifle. Bacon, meet pan," but it would appear the property owner is a distraught animal lover who doesn't want that to happen.
It's one thing to be told "hurricane causes massive damage." It's quite another to see pictures to demonstrate the fact. Reason #... well, #1 I guess, for why Scott doesn't want to live on the coast.
And that, friends, is why daddy always told you to stand behind the shooter. At least, that's what my dad always taught me. This guy, probably not so much.
While it's said a picture is worth a thousand words, sometimes it just takes a few words to completely change the meaning of a picture. I think I need to take a shower now. YEEESH!!!
This week the British government quietly allowed decisions of certain Sharia law courts in Britain to be legally enforced. The mind boggles...
Via La Shawn Barber.
I guess it was only a matter of time before people started mistaking an actual tragedy for a semi-fictional disaster movie. Coming to a fall celebration near you!
Biking across the W&OD trail: fun. Biking across the Himalayas, on a unicycle, well, not so much. There's a guy in our neighborhood who has one of these "off-road" unicycles. We saw him a few times as we were taking Olivia home from day care. They look interesting, but I have a hard enough time staying upright on two wheels to even think about trying it with just one.
Go for the wacky preacher saying "Mickey Mouse should die", stay for the surreal sign-language translator in the bottom-right corner. I'm not a huge fan of ol' Mickey myself, but I think whacking him is a little extreme.
(09-11) 17:15 PDT SAN FRANCISCO -- A car-burglary suspect fell to his death early today after he climbed over a wall on San Francisco's Telegraph Hill while trying to flee from police, apparently unaware that on the other side of the wall was a 200-foot cliff, authorities said.
And the Parrots!
At first I thought this scheme to pay Jews $50,000 to move to a smallish Southern city was some "Jews for Jesus" - style recruitment effort. Then, after having actually read the article, I realized it was a synagogue-funded effort to revitalize a pre-existing Jewish community. I still don't know if it's a good idea... the reason most people move to a different city is they can't find good work at the one in which they currently live. $50,000 is very nice, but it won't last long if you can't find a job.
Well, it would appear there are now just two animal species in Australia which won't kill you:
An attack on a child by a large wallaby in Cairns has sparked calls for a cull of the area's growing mob before someone is killed.
This is from a Spam-Bot.... I think.
[22:11] NigglingTrout: Listen, this is going to sound very weird, but how in the world does one remove an angry spider monkey from one's...sensitive areas?
1. Why would you put spider monkeys there?
2. Why do I care?
3. I am sure there is a cream for this.
4. Please see a therapist.
"John stopped to take a photo of the canopy, and saw something that didn't seem quite right through his viewfinder. He watched it for a little bit longer and the wind blew, and caught it, sending it spinning, and it seemed to be a body."
Read entire article here.
Really neat article! Don't miss out!
Disapproving reporter: 1, castle: 0, teacher: 0. I'm filing this one as another case of, "I'm actually quite surprised they didn't arrest the property owner for assault."
Were it Texas, the property would've survived unscathed, but I wouldn't place the teacher's chances anywhere near as high, both on the "surviving" and "unscathed" odds.
I'm not completely sure that's a good thing. It really would be a shame if some damned fool got drunk and ended up dead because of a set of really idiotic actions. After all, that damned fool could be me! Then again, being an American and quite aware of the potential consequences of playing this particular game in the US, perhaps I'd be less likely to do something quite so spectacularly dumb. Deterrence at its finest!
'County fire spokesman Lt. Frank Fennell says the boy was eating "Steak on a Stake" when he pulled the wooden skewer out of his mouth and then somehow stuck the skewer in his eye.'
Read entire mini asinine article here.
This is WHY you pay nearly $20 a head to get in. Next thing that is going to happen... No TURKEY LEGS!
No, really, when crocks attack:
A crocodile killed and ate a 25-year-old man in Bangladesh after he waded into a pond next to a shrine hoping to be blessed by the animal, police say.
...
[Police] said about 25 people dived into the pond following the attack yesterday, but could not find the man's body.It washed ashore today and had been largely eaten...
You're doing it wrong!
There's a reason gymnastic apparatus (apparati?) are surrounded by giant pads. I'm surprised serious injury doesn't happen more often.
Paging Camel, your room is ready:
MI5 has concluded that there is no easy way to identify those who become involved in terrorism in Britain, according to a classified internal research document on radicalisation seen by the Guardian.
...
British-based terrorists are as ethnically diverse as the UK Muslim population, with individuals from Pakistani, Middle Eastern and Caucasian backgrounds. MI5 says assumptions cannot be made about suspects based on skin colour, ethnic heritage or nationality.
If only this group had a single thing in common, they'd be a lot easier to track, eh?
Reason # 431 on the Why I Don't Like Seafood list: giant parasites:
A man who contends he got a 9-foot tapeworm after eating undercooked fish is suing a Chicago restaurant.
The article isn't clear on the time line, and makes it sound like it all happened very quickly. If so, well, 9 foot tapeworms don't get that big overnight. I think. How the heck should I know?
We got yer state-run food bank right here:
With food prices rising, one of India's poorest states is considering adding rat meat to the menus of state-run canteens, a move officials in Bihar say could help provide cheap protein for the state's 80 million people, most of whom live off the land as poor sharecroppers or subsistence farmers.
Now that's a spicy meatball!
Via TSO.
Knowing one or to Quebecois over the years, I'm not completely surprised they'd turn poultry slaughter into a betting game. I'm just about certain you can't call betting on when and where a beheaded chicken will fall is literally cruel. The things are dead when the head parts with the neck after all. But it is damned weird and more than a little gross, IMO.
After a medically determined "early termination," a five-month old... infant? ... showed signs of breathing after spending a few hours in the cryo chamber. Such a profoundly premature infant obviously has a very slim chance for survival, but (obviously) weirder things have happened.
I'm not sure what's worse, the tragedy of the thing or that a whole bunch of anti-abortion wackamoles just got a new arrow to stuff in their quiver.
Coming to a trailer park near you: styrofoam dome houses. I'm actually a bit surprised it's taken this long. However, I'm not particularly surprised it took the Japanese to make it popular.
There's nothing like seeing Peter Pan getting hauled away in zip-tie cuffs to get a day started. No, really!
Annie gets a no-prize Mickey once used to bang on his cell bars for bringing us this most unfortunate of labor disputes.
It's dangerous to report from a war zone. People shoot at you and stuff. That doesn't look like a graze, that looks like a flat-out hole through the ol' arm.
I guess I'm surprised it took this long for some anarchist to supply the general public a tool that allows them to do what spammers have done forever. Maybe it'll raise awareness amongst the general public just how easy it is to manipulate all the varied fields that make up an e-mail message?
Pardon me while I go revive a few sysadmins who've passed out from laughing at that last sentence...
A local business owner got the shock of a lifetime when she left the Bank of America in Newport News Friday. She'd asked for money to pay her employees, but what she got has her seeing red.
You'd think there would be lots of safeguards to prevent a dye bomb from getting into the hands of a legitimate customer, ya know? I don't have clue one how they work. Maybe this wasn't really all that accidental?
No, really, falling rock:
One of the largest and most photographed arches in Arches National Park has collapsed.
Ron gets a hard-hat no-prize for bringing us news that we know will be blamed on the Bush administration, even though we're not quite sure how just yet.
"That is the coolest thing that I've ever seen," teacher Martha Gietner said. "It looks like a person. It really does. I think it's a ghost."
The black image is then seen moving into a lighted hallway and casting a shadow.
Skeptics are having a hard time explaining what could cause a shadow and appear to float in the building at 2:51 a.m.
Video is here!
I knew it was bad to ignore the "clearance: X ft" signs, but I didn't know it could get this bad. I'm not completely sure that the guy even survived it.
Take your computer in to get it fixed, end up naked on the "intartubes". Which should teach the class two things: 1) learn to use your computer properly so you don't f- it up with spyware and viruses, and 2) do like Ellen and marry your IT support. Easy-peasy!
Andrea Pininfarina, head of the famous car design company which bears his family's name, has been killed in a car accident. The Pininfarina house has been responsible for dozens of famous car designs, not the least of which is our Alfa Spider. A damned shame.
Seconded: "It's metrosexuality gone stark raving mad."
It's all Ellen can do to keep me from wearing knee-high socks and shorts. Tights?!? Fuggedaboudit!
Nothing like an 800 degree patch of ground to get your firefighters all excited. As if we needed another reason to think California is one of the weirdest places on Earth.
It's bad enough when your experimental rocket kerplooies; it's worse when it was carrying the ashes of at least a few famous people. I wonder if they'll give refunds? Probably not.
Looks like it's even harder to climb Everest's near-by companion:
Helicopters have begun airlifting climbers stranded on the world's second-highest mountain, K2, in north Pakistan, reports say.News agency Reuters said rescuers had reached two Dutch members of the group, 11 of whom are feared dead.
...
The fatality rate for those who reach the summit at 27% is about three times higher than that for Mount Everest.
I'd be interested to know the percentage of people who make the summit vs. the number who try. That way we could tell if you're more likely to die than to succeed.
Which is why I only watch them try on the Discovery channel!
Annie gets a no-prize that's probably photoshopped for bringing us news of the "Montauk monster". I like how they've posed it flipping us the bird. Do people really get paid for viral marketing?
You'd think they'd have used a tether or something:
DNA tests confirmed that a body found off the coast of Brazil is that of a priest who disappeared while flying over the Atlantic buoyed by hundreds of brightly colored party balloons, authorities said Tuesday.
A dye marker or something like it probably would've helped as well. Too bad.
Kids like this stay F'd up their entire lives. Chuck them in a sack and drown them while you have the chance.
New Castle County Police and officers from Delaware SPCA arrested the boy Friday after he allegedly set the kitten on fire in Edgemoor. Neighbors told police the boy, and two friends, poured lighter fluid on the kitten and then set it on fire. The kitten then ran to a nearby tree on N. Rodney Drive where its charred remains were found.
Read entire article here.
Looks like Shia LaBeouf's "good boy with an edge" image just got a lot edgier. I'm not sure it'd be quite as newsworthy if he hadn't rolled his truck. Luckily nobody seems to have been seriously injured. Time to head to rehab!
A nine-year-old girl whose parents named her Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii was put into court guardianship in New Zealand so that her name could be changed.
...
The ruling was handed down in February but only came to light in law reports issued today. The girl, who had been at the centre of a custody battle, has since changed her name, but it was not revealed in order to protect her privacy.
"It's my kid I'll name them how I please" should only ever go so far. Still, you'd think the girl would just not register using her goofy name. Maybe it's not as easy as I think?
Eel soda, anyone? I'm not completely sure it's a fizzy drink, but neither option does not sound particularly appealing. Stack that one alongside vegamite and peanut butter on the "have to grow up with it to like it" shelf. At least for me.
Not content with ending his own miserable life, the escaped "spam king" decided to take his wife and two daughters with him. Unfortunately, only one of the daughters, and an infant he must've forgotten about, survived.
I dunno folks, this sure does sound like a bomb to me:
A Qantas flight to Melbourne made an emergency landing today after a large hole appeared near the cargo door.The plane made the landing in Manila about 1:20pm after the cabin depressurised due to what sources have described as a "massive" hole in the fuselage.
...
Qantas this afternoon was still trying to establish how a large hole came to appear in the fuselage outside the baggage compartment.
It definitely wasn't a hatch failure... you can still see that, firmly shut, a few feet in front of the hole. This picture shows an intact one at roughly the same angle. Looks like a big chunk of faring came away. It also looks like this happened near the same point the bomb that took down Flight 103 detonated.
I don't like this. I don't like it one bit. Weirdly, there are probably a bunch of Boeing guys right now secretly hoping it was a bomb, because otherwise there'll be several hundred 747s grounded immediately. If it's wrong in the structure, it'll be wrong on a whole bunch of them.
Something tells me the next facility he's "enrolled" in won't be so nice:
Edward “Eddie” Davidson, a notorious e-mail spammer who was sentenced to jail time in April, has escaped from a federal prison camp in Florence, Colorado.
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Davidson was housed in a minimum security facility. Minimum security institutions, also known as Federal Prison Camps (FPCs), have dormitory housing, a relatively low staff-to-inmate ratio, and are work and program-oriented. FPCs are generally located adjacent to larger institutions, where inmates help serve the labor needs of the larger institution.
Everyone's always suspected spammers are just barely smarter than a dead sponge. Now we have proof.
Remember that old saying, "eat like you've got a tapeworm"? Back in the recent past, some people took that way too seriously.
It would seem our wish to compulsively eat without consequences, and resort to whatever it takes, dates back well before the advent of the gastric bypass procedure.
No, really, when flowerpots attack:
Fire investigators said a fire that destroyed a Mendota Heights home last week was caused by a flowerpot.
What's on your porch?
I dunno, 30 or so catfish strolling down a street would probably give me pause too. I do know that, were this to happen anywhere near my old Arkansas home town, they'd never make it to the end of the street for all the whoopin' rednecks that'd found themselves a dinner right there in the road.
Annie gets a no-prize that Ellen can't have for bringing us this story about a most unusual thing to find in one's wash:
A woman checking her laundry Wednesday afternoon found an 8-foot-long snake wrapped around the clothes inside the washing machine at her Gorham home.
Ellen would've jumped with glee and most likely would still be on the phone with Amber about it.
I guess he really, really liked living there:
A ‘vulnerable’ man cut off his own head with a chainsaw after being ordered to move out of his home to make way for developers, police believe.
Umm... ouch?
Concrete wall: 1, bmx biker dude: 0. I never got into that sort of thing precisely because I knew without a doubt something like that would happen to me. My brother, not so much, and so when we were kids he more than once ended up in a dentist's chair for "repairs."
The things one can do with paper, upholstery foam, and way too much free time can be... Well hell, I'm not completely sure what that is. I guess that was probably the point, eh?
Their were more weird items in this murder trial than you could shake a stick at. I'm still not completely sure we know what's going on.
It's bad enough to drown while rafting down a river; it's worse if they can't even get at your body. I only thought that sort of thing happened on Everest!
While I can certainly respect the artistry, I gotta question just what went wrong in this kid's past to make him go that extreme. And dude, tattoo the whites of your eyes?!? Oh, Canada!
Leave it to New York to invent the Lutherburger. Bacon cheese burger, meet donut. Donut, cheeseburger. Ron would probably get his with extra cheese.
You'll please pardon me while I go check to make sure the wayback machine isn't set to 1437 or something:
The unsolved case of a 15-year-old girl who went missing in Rome 25 years ago has been dramatically reopened.A woman has told police the girl was kidnapped by a criminal gang on the orders of Archbishop Paul Marcinkus, the disgraced former head of the Vatican's bank who was linked to the death of the Italian banker Roberto Calvi.
I've heard the saying, "old habits die hard", but this is ridiculous.
I guess it must be all the refinery smoke that keeps them from noticing the smell:
An 84-year-old Burlington County woman died and five other New Jersey residents were sickened in separate incidents after drinking small amounts of torch oil they mistook for apple juice, New Jersey poison control officials said yesterday.
NJ ex-pats Ron and Amber frequently told tales of the... piquancy*... of the native residents. For some reason they left "and they also drink kerosene like it's water" off the list.
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* And I'll be damned if I didn't spell that right the first time, without even looking.
No, really, when alligators attack:
Okeechobee - Kasey Edwards said he never paid "too much mind" to alligators swimming in canals in Okeechobee County.But early Sunday morning, an 11½-foot alligator had his full attention as Edwards, 18, struggled to free his left arm from the jaws of the reptile.
Those who put their money on the "alcohol involved" outside bet before the spin can now collect your winnings.
While I'm not particularly surprised that "lost and completely uncontacted" tribe that made the rounds a few months ago, well, wasn't, I am annoyed at the completely uncommented paternalism which triggered the whole episode:
Indigenous tribes expert, José Carlos Meirelles, said the tribe had been known of since 1910, and had been photographed to prove that they still existed in an area endangered by logging, The Guardian reported.
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"When we think we might have found an isolated tribe, a sertanista (tribe expert) like me walks in the forest for two or three years to gather evidence and we mark it in our (global positioning system)," he told Al Jazaera in his first interview since the images were released."We then map the territory the Indians occupy and we draw that protected territory without making contact with them. And finally we set up a small outpost where we can monitor their protection."
These are not rare jaguars or gazelles, they're people, just like you and me. They are people, moreover, who I would imagine would appreciate knowledge that would help more of their children survive their first year, if nothing else. They don't need protection, they need opportunities.
Meh. I'll bet you dollars to donuts they've been so isolated for so long not because of any government or NGO "protection", but because the place in which they live is so miserable and hard to reach nobody wants to contact them. Some Amazon tribes also have an extremely well-deserved reputation for being such miserable examples of the human race nobody else wants to contact them either, at least not for very long.
Ah well. It's not my tax dollars being spent to "protect" people who're just as smart and clever as I am. "I say, let 'em crash."
Sometimes the headlines, they just write themselves: fifth foot found on British Columbia's south coast. Bonus: police have no clues as to just to who the feet belong. WeIrD!
So, really, what is it with these urban tigers? No, really, urban tigers. There's video! I swear!
Ellen would've tried to "step up" the hawk (command it to perch on her hand). Knowing her, it'd probably be in a cage in the corner within the hour, happily "nom'ing" one of the snakes' rats.
Seems giraffe meat is kosher. Who knew?
Ok, I'm officially nervous now. When a news day gets this slow, it usually means something awful's in the offing. I'd say, "be interesting!", but that'd probably just set it off.
While a pro-Israel statement from a neo-Nazi organization may at first seem contradictory, I'm not so sure it is. After all, they're supporting Jews in Israel. This would be quite similar in word and spirit to the KKK announcing it's support for black folks in, say, Liberia. "Not in my back yard, for racists."
Sometimes when you're stuck on jury duty you end up sitting for an interesting murder case. Most of the time, you either sit until they turn you loose or you help adjudicate two boring people with a petty problem. Then, just every once in awhile, you hit the poo lottery. And I mean poo lottery in almost it's literal form.
Inveterate peanut gallery member Ron is justly famous for his bathroom humor. However, something tells me even he'd have his limit, and some girl crying covered in the stuff is probably six or seven notches beyond it.
Me? Hey, if everyone's happy and I'm not forced to watch it, you do what you want. But as far as I'm concerned, when one of the participants is filmed being upset? Yeah, that's not art. Not by a long shot.
Seems they're putting women's parts on just about everything these days. Puts a whole new spin on all those "do you wanna ride?" pick-up lines.
What is it with these chicks and their land marks:
Erika La Tour Eiffel, 37, a former soldier who lives in San Francisco, has been in love with objects before ... But it is the Eiffel Tower she has pledged to love, honour and obey in an intimate ceremony attended by a handful of friends.
Methinks there's a reporter or two who have too much time on their hands.
Drunk driver: 1 & 10, cyclists: 0. I wonder if they'd even closed the highway for the race?
Update: This video seems to indicate it was a decent-sized event. It would appear the well-earned reputation of Mexican police has withstood yet another test of incompetence.
Today's "commercial crop threatened by some wicked disease" is brought to you by Dole. The fruit company, not the ex-senator, that is.
It would appear having an older dad is just about as bad as having an older mom. It seems Olivia just skated in under the deadline, as it were.
The 2008 Darwin Awards are out. When the going gets tough, the stupid get dead.
... said reporter has to file a story like this:
His mother, whose residence is where the sexual activity occurred, teaches at a public school. She testified at Thursday's hearing, insisting repeatedly that she was unaware of her son's sexual acts with her male German shepherd.
Your dog wants a restraining order!
Ron gets a... a... no-prize for bringing us a rather unusual gift idea. I personally have never understood the whole extreme bondage scene, but I guess as long as they pay their taxes, stay out of trouble, and off my lawn... meh.
While this particular page is SFW, I cannot vouch for any part of the rest of the site.
Fans of medical macabre should find this collection of "unusual brain injuries" of interest. If you want to know how bad mental illness can get, short of killing the victim outright, you need look no further.
Looks like the fall of communism claimed a victim we never expected:
A woman with a bizarre fetish for inaninimate objects has revealed she has been married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years....
While the rest of mankind rejoiced when the Wall, erected by the Soviets in 1961 to halt an exodus from East to West Berlin, was largely torn down in 1989, its "wife" was horrified.
She's never been back and now keeps models depicting "his" former glory.
Rrrmm... yeah. I wonder if she's able to hold down a job?
I have to admit, trying to get wi-fi internet connections banned because you're allergic to them is a novel strategy. Not one that's likely to work (one hopes, at any rate), but novel nonetheless.
It would seem people are lining up at Apple's flagship store in Manhattan for no clear reason. Me, I get a whiff of publicity stunt when I think about this. However, New Yorkers are justifiably famous for taking a buck and running with it. If it really were a stunt, I can't imagine them not saying so.
Steve Jobs may be a maniac, but he most likely will go down in history as one of, if not the, most important person to come out of the first wave of the PC industry.
A Canadian man who asked his lover to carve a heart-shaped symbol on his chest during a rough sex game almost died when she accidentally pressed too hard and punctured his heart, a newspaper said on Thursday.
There's a claim form that'll end up in someone's secret "best of" stash!
Actually, I'm surprised someone hadn't thought of tying tomb stones to the WWW. Now that'd be a helluva epitaph, putting the URL of this place on my grave marker, eh?
Nothing like a home-bru flame thrower and a couple of tard teens to lighten the day. Bonus: dead-on Butthead giggling in the last scene. I never did anything this stupid, but I knew a lot of other guys who did.
Code Pink has officially jumped the shark:
Members of the anti-war group Code Pink gathered Friday with a cauldron of flowers outside a controversial Marine Corps Recruiting Center in Berkeley, Calif., to use witchcraft to rally against the Iraq war.
I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that they're trying these stunts or the fact that they get press coverage Jesus would envy every time.
You'd think someone would've turned a wheel or something. I have a feeling neither of the captains in this "kiss" collision went much further in their careers.
Leave it to Asians to put an oh-so-distinctive spin on pizza. Unfortunately only one of the advertisements seems to work, but it's plenty weird enough for you to get the gist.
Scott's rule of collecting, #7: an explosive is an explosive, no matter how old it may be. Me, I'll stick to something safer to collect, like scale model kits or old Italian sports cars. I'll leave the explosives to the re-enactors, who at least have the good sense to use new powder and blow it up on-site.
Is the investigation of a single, tragic death in Minnesota going to lead the unraveling of an entire string of serial killings? To me, it all sounds way too sensational, spooky, and just downright circumstantial to be true. Hopefully the media outlets will be sensible enough not to name any "persons of interest."
The sad thing is, this guy will most likely end up on Conan in the very near future. Video is SFW, but you'll most likely want the eye bleach handy.
Meh. His (fat, sharpie-markered, shirtless) body, his business. Pay your taxes, stay out of trouble, keep off my lawn, etc.
I've said it before, I'll say it again, just because you're smart at one thing does not mean you're smart at everything:
Jurors found Linux programmer Hans Reiser guilty of first degree murder on Monday, concluding he killed his estranged wife in 2006. The verdict followed a nearly six-month trial and nearly three days of deliberation.
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When police eventually located Hans Reiser's Honda CRX a few miles from his home, they found the interior waterlogged, the passenger seat missing, and two books on police murder investigations inside. They also found a sleeping-bag cover stained with a 6-inch wide blotch of Nina's dried blood...
Fans (such as myself) of CourtTV and/or various court TV dramas will rightly surmise that even though the evidence was almost comically incriminating, it was also completely circumstantial. It's the kind of stuff good defense attorneys love to sink their teeth into, because cops can and do fake stuff like this all the time. So why did he get convicted? Because of a counter-example to Scott's Plaintiff Principle: never ever ever take the stand in your own defense:
In a characteristic exchange under cross-examination, Reiser tried to explain why he'd removed and discarded the passenger seat from his two-seater Honda CRX after Nina vanished. His explanation: He'd been sleeping in the vehicle, and wanted the extra room. Asked why he hosed down the inside of the car, leaving an inch of water on the floorboard, he explained that the interior was dirty, and he mistakenly believed the water would drain out.
The description in the article paints the man as a genuinely unpleasant person to be around, and in my opinion indicates he's suffering from a pretty severe mental illness. Which is sort of surprising to me, since I actually deployed ReiserFS on a few systems around here back in 2000, and the articles on his website seemed to me friendly and conversational.
Of course, it's not known as a "descent into madness" because people start off nuts, eh?
Mike P. gets a no-prize that'll wander down the street with its pants around its ankles for bringing us news (and picture) about someone taking a blown gun to a town's pigeon population. You'd think that, instead of offering some sort of reward, those PETA folks would get some traps and take the dratted things to the vet. Priorities, people, priorities!
Everyone look out, there's penis snatchers loose in the Congo!
Sometimes these things just write themselves: Missing man found dressed like doctor with dead deer in stolen ambulance. The article includes a classic "four-stiff-legs-in-the-air" picture of the aforementioned deer in the back of the presumably stolen ambulance.
Man. Where do you start?
Reason #412 Australia is a nice place but I probably wouldn't want to live there: a plague of poisonous spiders bad enough to shut down a whole hospital. It would be just Mark's luck he'd break a leg across the street from that one.
Actual headline: Priest attached to party balloons vanishes in Brazil. And here we've been wasting our time just attaching notes to them!
Reason #134 the rain forest is evil: It's ability to generate new and entertainingly deadly viruses. Take that, ebola!
And in the "freaky, seemingly pointless, yet somehow compelling science" category we have an experiment that alters fruit fly brains so that females are genetically programmed to think they're male. Look, sometimes you have to do science for its own sake, because you never know where it'll lead.
Bacon-flavored lollipop, anyone? Something tells me this one would stay at the bottom of the ol' candy bucket for a long, long time.
Pretty sad when you get run over by the car you tried to steal. Sounds like it ran right over his head, too. Oh, and the article gets my nomination for "year's most poorly written news report."
Reason #432 not to smoke: you could get trapped in an elevator for 40 hours trying to come back from your smoke break. And be immortalized in (included) video with that awful mullet everyone thought was so cool back in '99.
Just in time for a particular anniversary, we have news that yes, it definitely could've been worse:
The daughter of a woman made a gruesome discovery while going through her bedroom closet after she'd died -- the decomposing body of another woman wrapped in plastic, blankets and a sleeping bag.
According to the article, the family never caught on (or wind) because they were never allowed near the house.
No, really, when turkeys attack:
About five to 10 of the birds have been pecking at the postal workers as they make their rounds, and some of the birds have attacked the letter carriers with the sharp spurs on their legs. One of the birds went through the open door of a mail truck and scratched the driver.
Time to carry a .410 with bird shot, I'd think.
Update: Linkee now workee.
And here I always thought it was the drivers who'd be the troublemakers:
FORMULA One motor racing chief Max Mosley is today exposed as a secret sado-masochist sex pervert.The son of infamous British wartime fascist leader Oswald Mosley is filmed romping with five hookers at a depraved NAZI-STYLE orgy in a torture dungeon. Mosley— a friend to F1 big names like Bernie Ecclestone and Lewis Hamilton— barks ORDERS in GERMAN as he lashes girls wearing mock DEATH CAMP uniforms and enjoys being whipped until he BLEEDS.
Assuming it's true, well... dude, wtf?!?
Another day, another twister tearing through my home state. It seems nobody got killed, thank goodness. Oh, and note the backhand redneck reference right in the opening.
No, really, when crocs attack:
A woman has been rescued from the jaws of a saltwater crocodile in Australia after her husband jumped onto its back and forced it to flee.
Pat gets a no-prize with a real knife for bringing us yet another reason nobody should ever live near the water in Australia.
Annie gets a strangely disturbing no-prize for bringing us this DIY knife block. Let's just make sure that stays off our Christmas list, kay? :)
I guess if you're dumb enough to think you can get rich using mercury to get at the gold inside computers, you're dumb enough to do it in your house. Mercury is dangerous, mmkay? Geeze. I thought everyone learned that back in junior high.
It would appear Comcast's efforts to stuff more channels into their digital domain aren't as unnoticeable as they'd like. This sort of thing had relatively few consequences in times past, but now that competition is a reality, it probably won't go well for the executives who thought this whole thing up.
Fark linked a single weird UFO picture, which seems to be a single shot from a series being featured on not one, not two, but at least three different web sites.
Nearly everyone thinks they're photoshopped, and those who didn't thought they were generated with some sort of 3-D art tool. I thought the "viral video game marketing ploy" idea made the most sense, but that's just me.
Of course, it could really be a space ship, so who knows?
I'd be a lot happier if they were switching off lights to dramatize why we need to reduce our dependency on foreign oil. The problem I have with environmentalism is not necessarily its (prima facia) goals, but that its most enthusiastic supporters never seem to admit that keeping the environment clean is expensive.
First go watch this, (all of it! Don't think I can't tell!) then come back and yell at me about how misguided my attitudes on environmentalism are.
Where else in the world but from the Pentagon can one request a set of batteries and receive a set of nuclear missile fuses instead? Alternate title: China.Cage.Rattle(new NukeFuzes[4]);
"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
Ok, now it looks like a winky with a frilly sock on top. "Modding" the Eiffel Tower to celebrate its 120th anniversary is all well and good, but isn't this the same tower that has to be closed periodically to ensure it's not dangerously corroded?
Another day, another example which proves that storing cardboard boxes in an oven is actually a pretty tame thing. Strangely enough, Olivia has (so far) completely avoided any really destructive escapades. Well, except for exploding makeup bombs at various points around the house.
Slashdot is getting reports that X-Box 360 owners may have a long wait before their console supports Blu Ray. To which I say, "meh." The HD option is apparently a very fine DVD player, with excellent upconversion. If it were me, that'd be plenty enough for me to sit tight and wait until Blu Ray players drop far enough in price for me to pick one up.
Those of you wondering if our post-9/11 pilots are packing need wonder no more. If the tests on the popular show Mythbusters are any indication, discharging a gun in an airplane as it's flying around, even when pressurized, is nowhere near as dangerous as Hollywood has made it out to be. It is still a gun though, so it's still pretty damned dangerous.
Your safety. Let me show you it.
Your safety.
Pat gets a no-prize with a moose bite in it for bringing us news of the untimely and strange demise of a former Abba drummer. I thought things like glass doors were tempered to prevent exactly this sort of accident from happening. Who knew?
I dunno, if Glenn keeps this up we might have to accuse him of having a sense of humor as twisted as our own. Of course Lileks got all wordy on it. How did anyone survive childhood in the 50s and 60s?
The YouTube link is the best!
Vodka fans in the audience may be surprised to hear someone's come up with a recipe for bacon flavored vodka. Somehow I don't see Absolut making this one of their new flavors. Then again, who knows?
Being the parent of a daughter, I can only hope my child is at least somewhat less likely to pull a stunt like this:
An 18-year-old man using a shopping cart to "car surf" was killed when a Cadillac sport utility vehicle he was holding onto hit a speed bump and threw him to the ground, according to authorities.
Then again, I got through my teens & twenties without doing anything even remotely this stupid, so perhaps it's more a matter of parenting than it is biology.
I'm not sure if I should be comforted by that or not.
Finally, a coconut crab picture with some scale. Ok, things without spines have no business being as big as a dog, mmkay? And I'd be damned annoyed if one disassembled my fence to get at my garbage. Raccoons are bad enough!
Update: Joshua found video!
An engineer has demonstrated an implantable blood-powered display device. He configured it to act like a cell phone, but there are other potential uses. An implanted cell phone that never needs recharging. I'd never speak to my wife again.
Well, except over the phone.
Sometimes this stuff just writes itself: Twin gay porn stars arrested in rooftop robbery burglaries. Twins together in a porn flick is just a wrong no matter what. Stir in the "none of my business as long as I don't think about it OH MY GOD I'M THINKING ABOUT IT!!!" homophobia common to most heterosexual males and, well, it just don't get no skeevier than that.
Time for the brain bleach...
It's a beauty pageant that has it all: fancy dresses, fancy makeup, and muskrat skinning. No, really!
And it's in Maryland, of all places.
Ever wonder what it actually looks like when a trucker f's up and drives an oversized load into a tunnel? Wonder no more. With video goodness!
The sad thing is, the only reason we're hearing about this guy is he's famous:
The saga of Tony Rosato, in which the mentally ill comic actor from Saturday Night Live, SCTV and Night Heat spent more than 800 days in jail on a domestic harassment charge, mostly because he denies he is sick, then was transferred to a psychiatric institution in a creative legal manoeuvre that embarrassed the Crown last summer, slipped from the sublime into the ridiculous yesterday.
The vast majority of people this sick are never heard from at all. Well, until they kill themselves or others, that is.
How a constitutionally bounded free society deals with its mentally ill is probably one of the greatest unsung challenges it will ever meet. To date, not one has done so satisfactorily. They may not ever be able to, making the pathologically unreasonable the ultimate albatross to liberty.
This guy took that whole "let them eat cake" thing way too far. I'm actually surprised this doesn't happen more often in extreme eating competitions.
Leave it to China to take hiking to a completely new extreme. Sorta puts the Appalachia hike into perspective, eh?
Who needs an education when warm-and-fuzzy groupthink works just as well? Somewhere (hopefully an extremely warm undergroundish sort of place) Walter Duranty is smiling.
I've heard guys wanting it "stiff as a rod" before, but this is ridiculous. No hardware near the gear!
Via Mahmood.
Had this happened in America, there would be liability lawyers calling him right now:
The unnamed customer from Doncaster, South Yorks, had ordered the display mannequin over the internet mistakenly thinking it was an adult sex toy. He had to use a pair of heavy duty scissors to cut the dummy and set himself free.Cheekily instead of feeling a right dummy, he then asked for a REFUND from the suppliers but they were said to have “politely refused.”
All aboard the failboat!
Four foot worth of WWI-era German torpedo will definitely put a crimp in anyone's fishing plans, donchaknow? At first I think it's amazing they're still finding explosives from WWI after all this time. Then I remember just how gleefully Europe went at itself during those years, and I wonder why they don't find more.
In the "I honestly didn't know that was a problem" file we have WATCH FOR FALLING MOOSE. Explain that one to the insurance adjuster!
Problem: Precious male snowflake decides on a novel route to avoiding the second grade by insisting on dressing as a girl.
Solution: Not exactly what I'd vote for, at any rate:
An 8-year-old boy is preparing to return to his home school district in Colorado as a girl, so school officials are designating two school restrooms as unisex facilities, and preparing to counsel other students on the issue of transgenderism.
I've known for a long time that the existing public school system structure was fundamentally flawed, but I never thought it would result in something like this. And yet, once you get your head around the incentives that our centrally-planned, government-managed, "progressive" public school systems create, such an outcome is not only logical, but inevitable.
Yet another in the legion of reasons why Milton Friedman's voucher system is so urgently needed.
When some people trash a house, they really go all the way:
A years-old mummified body has been found in a cottage bathtub beneath layers of wood, plastic, dirt and sand, Phoenix police said.
No word yet if it's the former tenant or an unfortunate victim.
I guess it's nice to know the US holds no monopoly on bizarre money scams. I hate the phone so much I just don't answer it if I don't recognize the number. However, I don't run a business, so I have no reason to expect cold-calls out of nowhere. Considering that a successful business owner will already be a pretty savvy person, I can't imagine this particular scam would work all that well. Then again, nobody who turns to a life of crime does so because of an excess of brains. Quite the opposite, in my experience.
This week's "crap literally falls out of an airplane and punches a hole in someone's roof" story is brought to you by Calgary Canada.
It falls through the roof, then you say it, then you do it. Trifecta!
I got no idea what's going on here. From what I'm able to see, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what's going here. What is it with Asians?
Ah, Carnivale. The all-night parties. The elaborately dressed women naked in all the right places. The dancing Hitler on top of a mound of dead Jews.
No, really!
Today's miracle photo-with-story comes to you from the western German city of Ludwigshafen. Tossing babies out of windows is obviously not an optimal solution to rescue, but if it's between that or watching them fry, well, I guess it'd be time to pray the guy on the ground was a good catch.
Lane G. gets a no-prize that proudly waves its hammer and sickle flag for bringing us the latest loopy attempt by the People's Republic of Berkeley to show "We. Are. Relevant!" Reminds me of the old saying, "when God created the United States, he picked up the East coast and shook it once hard, causing all the loose marbles to roll down to California." Seems to me that the further north you go in that state, the further left the landscape leans. Must be something in the water.
Scientists (or rather, "scientists") have announced that what really caused the World Trade Center to collapse was... *shakes magic 8-ball*... directed energy weapons utilizing the Hutchison Effect:
At the end of the first show, a caller said, “This is a revelation beyond revelations…this trumps everything…If this story ever gets out, it will change the course of the United States’ and the whole world’s history.”
Note how the wording of the press release basically rubs your nose in its "trutherness." How could one possibly doubt it? Then, of course, you wake up.
Well, considering how popular truthers are along the fringe, I guess we can only say some of us wake up.
Just in time for Valentine's day, a tampon flower bouquet. I guess everyone needs some sort of hobby, eh?
Strawberry flavored Cheetos, anyone? Olivia, like most kids her age, doesn't have a definition for "too sweet," so she'd probably dive into a bag with both hands. Not being her or Japanese, I'll have to give it a pass.
The MSM is justifiably famous for trying to hammer the square peg of truth into the round hole of narrative, but can they carry it too far?
Wait a minute. This is the media we're talking about here. "Going too far" is something that happens to other people.
Why, yes, this foil hat does keep me warm in the winter. Thanks for asking!
Via Instapundit.
Somehow, I wouldn't want a chick who was doing this to then start tinkering with my teeth. Happy gas, meet happy ending!
I've always thought some warm water would do the trick, or maybe trying to warm the pole with your hands to get things unstuck. But I guess, ultimately, the one sure way not to get your tongue stuck to a frozen flagpole is to keep it in your mouth.
Pat gets a no-prize with an inconvenient hole in it for bringing us the tale of the farmer, the crocodile, and the rescuer with poor aim. There's a reason you don't shoot at things that are thrashing around, although I must say if the choice is between a survivable gunshot wound and becoming lunch, well, that's not much of a choice at all.
Dell's latest "prosumer" laptops seem to have a grounding problem. Having recently become the owner of same (merry X-mas to me from me), I can only say it hasn't happened to me yet. The operative word there being, I suppose, yet.
Geeze, Liberia's so screwed up even their genocidal maniacs are ridiculous:
A former warlord known as General Butt Naked has confessed to Liberia’s post-conflict reconciliation commission that his men killed 20,000 people during the country’s civil war.
Insert "banality of evil" quote here...
It's not often you get to watch a crazy person lose it. People think insanity is all this cool/scary raving and swatting at things that aren't there, when in reality insanity is mostly just someone being a complete pain in the ass without ever once admitting it.
Deadly explosions at fireworks factories I expect, but in a winery, not so much. They bubble a lot of CO2, but I can't think off hand just what in wine making would be unstable enough to blow the roof off.
I've had folks around here pull some pretty ballsy moves trying to get me to do PC support on personal items, but I've never had someone try to get me to recover a hard drive full of their child porn. Wouldn't surprise me if he sued them for invasion of privacy. This guy might just get away with something similar.
He's not fat, he's big boned. The only difference between this guy and the monsters who terrorized me in grade school is most likely his language. Bullies, it would seem, can be found across space and time.
No, really, they're calling it "well dying:"
The mock funeral, which aims to get participants to map out a better future by reflecting on their past, is part of a new trend in South Korea called "well-dying." The fad is an extension of "well-being," an English phrase adopted into Korean to describe a growing interest in leading healthier, happier lives.
Complete with wooden coffins, nailed-shut lids, and dirt sprinkled on top. The bonus? Companies are paying to send their employees on well-dying "retreats." Puts a whole new spin on that damned 7 Habits retreat I was force-marched to a long time ago.
I tried, I really did, to figure out the Buddhist angle in this "overcoming gender" essay, but each time I got down around the "gender is a disease" section my head would explode. It was beginning to get messy around here! So I'll leave it all up to you folks (who are demonstrably smarter than I am) to try and figure it out. I'd tell you to come back and explain it all to me, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't understand that either.
These things can't possibly be real. If they are, they can't possibly be street legal. I get dizzy looking at the regular spinning wheels. Now they're gonna start talking to me?
Still, the blond is awful nice. Yo yo yo!
AIDS Patients Face Downside of Living Longer
Sensationalist? Our editors?!? I think you overestimate their intelligence.
I guess it's worthy news, after a fashion. It definitely provides evidence that, while AIDS seems to no longer be a death sentence, the cocktail of drugs you take to control it can end up killing you just the same.
Then again, we all gotta die some day, eh?
Via Countercolumn.
While this alarming picture of a great white shark investigating a scientist in a kayak may not be particularly new, I'd certainly never seen it before. And since I am the center of the universe, that means everyone else needs to see it too. So there you go.
Inflated ego? Moi?
I shit you not. They have Zombie Porn.
NSWF! I know all of our horror, Zombie flick lovers out there will be ordering this one!
What a great way to start the holidays:
A little girl thought she was getting an iPod for Christmas but ended up getting a rude surprise. She got the box but when she opened it up, she found a surprising switch: the iPod had been replaced with a bizarre note.
Just from the wording of the note, I'm thinking it'll be someone who wobbled off their meds and decided to communicate their psychic discoveries to the world via creepy notes. It happens more often than you'd think.
I've heard of setting out unwrapped presents under the tree, but this is ridiculous:
A retired businessman is believed to have killed his wife and left her body under the Christmas tree before driving his car off the road and fatally injuring himself.
Yeesh!
Those of you who felt your local office Christmas party was pure hell are pleased to be sitting down and shutting up now:
One zoo visitor was mauled to death and two others severely injured when a Siberian tiger escaped from its grotto at the San Francisco Zoo early Christmas evening and went on a bloody rampage in front of terrified zoo patrons.
Score turned out to be Tiger: 1, Keepers: 1. Since the animal previously mauled someone last year, I'm not feeling much love for "teh kittah."
Huffing and pyrotechnics just don't mix, man. Still, gave me a chuckle to watch, from this distance at any rate.
What have they done to everyone's favorite 80's automotive icon?!? A Ford! Blasphemy!!!
Heh. Like I really care. Still, it was definitely a surprise.
The Blue Man Group is all well and good, but some people can take it just a little too far. Drinking silver in solution does some damned strange things to a person, inside and out.
Ok, I'm a straight guy, so by definition I'm interested in boobs, no matter where no matter what. At least, that's what I thought, until I saw this. Oh, and I don't know just where the author got his definition, but in my book someone with soda can bottoms stuck in his ears and more metal and paint than a Maaco body shop is not what I'd consider a "traditionally manly guy". But that's just me.
All of you people who think radical Christians are worse than radical Muslims are pleased to be sitting down and shutting up now. Children's programming produced by Christian wackos may be teeth-achingly tacky, but at least it doesn't celebrate mass murder.
Fark (of course) linked up news of the creation of the ultimate "stuffed bird" dinner. Not content with just three birds, this dish lays claim to twelve birds stuffed into each other. Incredibly, all of this stuffing-into-things frenzy is apparently inspired by actual Tudor-era recipes. No wonder Henry VIII ended up such a butterball!
All those times the realtor told you it was bad to have a house near utility towers? Sometimes, just sometimes, they may have a point. Still, just how many 1000ft + TV towers are there in the world? And of those, how many might get covered in ice?
Considering what it did to that Honda SUV, I think I'd still stay inside.
There are places which fire simply shouldn't be:
Sweden's welfare board has criticized a hospital in Stockholm after a 40-year-old woman caught fire during a hemorrhoid operation, Aftonbladet reports.
Well, of course by fire I mean the "oh-my-god-is-that-smoke?!?" sort, not the "holy-crap-you-just-ate-a-habanero" kind.
A non-profit think tank concerned with nanotechnology's potential for abuse recently issued a report. The results are pretty much what you'd expect from a bunch like that:
The Center for Responsible Nanotechnology, a non-profit think tank focused on studying the economic, security, military and environmental implications of nanotechology, has developed a series of scenarios dubbed "Nano Tomorrows." And one of those tomorrows involves the cheap and easy proliferation of "fabber," or "Easy-Bake," micro-UAVs with small explosives.
I'm more interested in a fab that'll let me make my own car, but I'm funny that way.
Ron gets a no-prize with a lot of complicated bits on for bringing us a Christmas book for... someone. My own opinion is, if you didn't come with one, you really don't need one. But that's just me.
It's not how a metal ring was removed that was the question, but rather how it got there in the first place. Then again, considering how desperately dumb some men can be when their willy starts to talkin', I guess I shouldn't wonder at all.
Oh, and kudos to Dremel, for yet another use. Is there anything it can't do?
Personally, it wouldn't completely surprise me if an obnoxious documentary film maker managed to find Osama bin Laden. If Osama's intelligence network is good enough to keep him away from our SF squads, it's most likely good enough to figure out four guys from San Fran really are just useful idiots with gear. The members of the peanut gallery with foil hats firmly in place will most likely think otherwise, but that's their problem.
I say, let 'em crash.
So what happens when a colostomy bag removal goes exactly 180 degrees wrong? More or less what you'd expect. Fortunately, there are no pictures included with the article. Yeesh.
Is it just me, or do Europeans seem more afraid of climate change than the wackos in the mosque down the street preaching their destruction:
Dead bodies could be freeze-dried, shaken to a fine powder and used as compost under proposals to introduce a new, more eco-friendly method of corpse disposal to the UK.The process, which is known as promession, has been developed in Sweden and aims to address the shortage of burial spaces and reduce the mercury pollution created by dental fillings during cremation.
This is not the regular sort of freeze-drying, which can take years on something as big as a body, but rather what I would consider "flash freezing": cooling a body in liquid nitrogen and then making it disintegrate like a block of Styrofoam.
Meh. As long as it's not required, I wouldn't mind it as an alternative to the regular sort of cremation.
It seems the "in-toy" for the season this year is roadkill. Two years ago Olivia wouldn't have cared, they were all just soft fuzzy things she could hug. Now, not so much. So put the charge card down, we're gonna ask you to pass on this one.
Quiet Riot lead singer Kevin Dubrow was found dead yesterday in his Las Vegas home. Celebrity dead pool trifecta now in play.
Redskins safety Sean Taylor has died from a gunshot wound suffered during an apparent break-in of his home early Monday. Like the Redskins needed more bad news.
Ron gets a damned sad no-prize for bringing us the news.
All this girl needed was some hariball remedy!
Say it with us now! BLORK BLORK BLORK BLAAAAAAARRRCHH!!
~Don't forget to do it on carpets, couches and or other nooks and crannies that your human cannot get to.
Alternate title: Insert Meaning of Life Joke Here. Sure, trying to remove a tattoo yourself is painful, messy, and leads to scarring, but think of all the money you save!
Amazingly enough, this "modern toilet" restaurant is located in China, not Japan. I'll let you guys make up the "crappy food" jokes as you like.
Abandoned police headquarters building, anyone? Don't know much about law enforcement, but it seems to me it's most likely against the law for some of that stuff to have been left behind. Then again, it's against the law to break and enter, which is what I guess these guys did to get the pictures. Still, that wouldn't be much of a case for a prosecutor, although of course they've filed worst cases on less. All-in-all, not much of an advertisement for some local government in Michigan, in my opinion.
Lisa gets a no-prize that tries to be so inoffensive you want to strangle it for bringing us the "no ho-ho-ho" Santa training. As bad as it is, it could be worse. This is just good ol' fashioned PC group-think leftover from the early 90s. Much worse are the attempts to strangle native traditions to avoid offending Muslims.
Sometimes I troll uselessly through Wikipedia, killing time and filling my head with what may, at best, help me win Jeopardy some day. Other times, I come up with a truly strange mystery worthy of DaVinci Code treatment. A six hundred year old book completely undecipherable to modern methods, yet elaborate and sophisticated enough to be quite resistant to hoax hypotheses, is the stuff of science fiction. This is the sort of book SF authors use to allow their time-traveling heroes to communicate with their handlers in the future.
The difference, of course, is that this thing is quite real.
Paging Rod Serling, White Courtesy Phone Please...
The article says this giant inflatable vagina was made for some sort of theater production. I'll take their word for it.
Assuming this tale of an orangutan sex slave is true, well hell, let's just all hope it's not, OK?
Unfortunately I'm not holding my breath.
You know, the one where they read the labels on the salsa and then shout, "New York City?!?":
Corporate Welfare is alive and well in the farm subsidies bill. After seeing this article, I zoomed in more closely on Manhattan, just for fun. Here's the shot; red circles are proportional to the size of farm subsidies
Get a rope!
Your Democratic Congress at work!
I thought proselytizing wackos on college campuses went the same way as hair metal and jelly shoes. At least, I only remember them back in the late 80s, when I was an undergrad. They dried up a few years later, I always thought because the frat boys made it too dangerous for them.
Then again, the 80s are back, so why not this too?
Someone forgot to do a final check over the nuclear blueprints Iran just released. You'd think the explicit mention of nuclear warheads in documents released by Iran would have just about everyone else flipping out, but I can find very little mention of it on, say, the Washington Post's website. Am I missing something really basic here?
Keep in mind we're not the only ones damned unhappy with Iran's little pet project. The French have quite explicitly warned Iran it too would take whatever steps necessary to prevent the mullahs from getting their own bomb. Wouldn't it be a surprise if it turned out to be French Typhoons that did the deed?
Via Instapundit.
Robert R. gets a no-prize that wants steak for bringing us this story of a man who decided to atone for killing two dogs by marrying one.
Yes, there's a whole gold mine of marriage jokes in there; No, I'm not going to make a single one of them.
Those wacky Japanese are at it again, this time with a coin bank that "explodes" if it doesn't see activity for a long time. The funny thing is, Japan's mania for saving is widely seen as one of the things dragging the country's economy down.
Great. Just great. Now I gotta worry about the goddamned cruise ship industry:
Pollution from ships, in the form of tiny airborne particles, kills at least 60,000 people each year, says a new study. And unless action is taken quickly to address the problem – such as by switching to cleaner fuels – the death toll will climb, researchers warn.Premature deaths due to ultra-fine particles spewed out by shops will increase by 40% globally by 2012, the team predicts.
Sensationalist? Our media? Surely you must be joking!
Jimmy Carter, the mediocre president and reasonably decent humanitarian, seems to have added "cat killer" to his resume some time around 1990. Yeah, accidents happen, but why put something like that on display?
While this dishy gossip column about how David Copperfield picks up women at his shows is quite detailed and lurid, I'm thinking it's most likely a hoax. There are just too many people involved, many of whom would've been complete strangers, for this to have been kept secret for any real length of time. In my experience, the chances of a secret getting out go up by the cube of the number of people involved.
Which is not to say he's not a complete nutter. Most successful artists are. I just don't think this particular nuttiness is for real. But I've been wrong before.
Well, I guess in a way it's nice to know that in India, traditionalists find specific kinds of birth defects divine, instead of cursed. Fortunately the child was born in the 21st century, and so has a very good chance of leading a normal life, after the requisite round of surgeries.
Well of course the recent bombing of... something... in Syria was actually the work of US Air Force fighter-bombers dropping tactical nuclear warheads. I mean, come on, don't you people keep up with these things?
If loving Al Jazeera is wrong, I don't want to be right.
Today's "X-ray of knife rammed half-way through a head" story is brought to you by Iraq. Sometimes, it's just not your day to go.
Is that a lion in your front yard, or are you just glad to see me:
Using a video camera and raw chicken, state officials hope to learn whether the king of the jungle is prowling the woods of West Virginia.
Just in time for Halloween!
Of course you know this sort of thing would happen in Florida. Money quote: "Homosexual necrophilia is what the purpose was." Bonus: great "man-on-the-street" interviewing straight out of a Jeff Foxworthy skit.
Well, I guess you're still growing something, even if it does appear to need blood. Mark gets a no-prize shaped like a skinny chick in black for bringing us this great just-in-time Halloween gift.
... Ya gotta go:
If you're stuck in traffic when Mother Nature calls, Japan's Kaneko Sangyo Co has developed the loo for you.The manufacturer of plastic car accessories drew back the curtain today on its new portable toilet for cars.
Great. Now I'll have to worry about Buffy and her Cell Phone of Doom while she's sitting on the can. Ah well, at the treacly rate traffic moves around here, wouldn't be much more than a tap. And boy, a slosh from that thing'd be just about the best punishment I can think of!
Great! Now I have to start worrying about the trees:
Carnivorous trees grabbing humans and cattle and gobbling them up is not just village folklore.Residents of Padrame near Kokkoda in Uppinangady forest range sighted one such carnivorous tree trying to dine on a cow last Thursday. According to reports, the cow owned by Anand Gowda had been left to graze in the forests.
That's some serious woody pwnage right there, dude.
I'm not completely sure this astrologer's look at David Copperfield's recent troubles is legit, but it certainly makes for interesting reading. In a, "wha?!?" sort of way, that is.
Hello Kitty-themed AK-47 anyone? Olivia took one look at it and demanded one for Christmas. Said she's gonna shoot bad guys with it. Heh...
Making the rounds: a robotic AAA weapon malfunctioned and ended up killing 9 soldiers. No word yet on whether it was a mechanical or software problem that caused the failure, but anecdotes in the article seem to indicate these weapons have a reputation for flipping out.
Personally, I'd draw the line well before a tattoo needle ever came anywhere near my eye. Other people, not so much. Just when you thought people couldn't get any more extreme...
Just when you think humanity couldn't get any weirder, someone goes and proves you wrong again. I bet he can hear what one hand fapping sounds like a whole lot better now.
Ron gets a dark and scary no-prize for bringing us direct quotes from everyone's favorite Persian presidential loon on Israel, Jews, the US, and the west in general. You only thought he was a wacko.
Thing is, as I understand it anyway, the president is really not all that powerful in Iran. The "Supreme Leader" and the "Council of Guardians," both culled exclusively from the deeply conservative religious establishment, are where the real power is concentrated. In other words, a bunch of hyper-conservative Pat Robertson types with robes on who the western press doesn't even know exist are the people we actually should be paying attention to. They could be more wacky than ol' Pajamamani, they could be less. We just don't know.
Have a happy day!
Of all the loony "jump, dive, and scream" things I've seen, the catapults are the ones I find most appealing. None of that "watch the first step" panic of bungee jumping or sky diving. Then I saw this.
Yeah, even I have my limits. One rule of mine is definitely, "thou shalt not require a parachute to ensure thy safe return." Nice to have as a backup, but not required. Bok bok!
I'm not sure what's more bizarre, finding a mummified leg in a grill you just bought, or getting in a custody battle over it.
Well, if nothing else, it'd give the guy a leg up at the next BBQ shootout.
Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the veal!
And all this time I thought flame was one of the first things they taught you to keep away from your package. Kids these days, I tell ya.
Note: video contains much man-ass and a little bit of flaming junk, so probably should call it NSFW.
Things over at Blackwater seem to be going from bad to, well, splat:
"They wouldn't pay me if they knew how much fun this was", a Blackwater contractor to the US military said just before the plane he was flying crashed, killing all six on board.
It's beginning to seem to me that all those Iraqis saying our troops were barreling through their towns shooting people at random were most likely telling the truth, as near they saw it. When a white guy with a gun is shooting at you, identifying whether or not he's a GI or a security grunt kinda takes a back seat, kno'wha'Imeen?
I'll see your taser and raise you a whole electrified jacket. I can't imagine it being particularly affordable.
First flesh eating bacteria, now brain eating amoebas. I used to regularly water ski down the Arkansas river when I was a kid. It's a wonder I survived. Now I think I'll just stick to swimming pools, thankyouverymuch.
Just when you thought Carrot Top couldn't get any weirder looking...
I've never seen his act, but he was all over the damned place in Vegas a few years ago, so it seems he still gets work. Which I guess is obvious, because it probably costs a lot of money to look that strange.
Let's hope this doesn't catch on in the US:
[Middlesex Ontario Provincial Police Const. Doug] Graham said police were aware that kids were taking body sprays, in particular Axe and Tag, spraying them on objects and lighting them on fire, but since Tuesday’s incident at a London-area school they have learned that lighting people ablaze — usually for a split second — is a popular pastime among some teens.
I did my fare share of "Lysol flame-throwing" back in the day, but I never pointed it at anyone. I guess I just missed out.
While this video of a motorcycle-truck collision is sorta fun to watch, I have to think there's more going on here than at first meets the eye. To me at least, it seems likely they practiced this several times to get it just right, and he may not have been in anywhere near as much danger as it would at first appear.
But whaddahell do I know?
Just as well Hajji was a little tight on the trigger with this one. Reminds me of old WWI footage I've seen over the years.
Via Siflay.
There's crowded market places, and then there's crowded market places. You'd think by now they'd build up instead of out onto the tracks, but what do I know?
Intensive care specialist Dr. Lina Pavanelli has concluded that the ailing Pope's April 2 death was caused by what the Catholic Church itself would consider euthanasia. She bases this conclusion on her medical expertise and her own observations of the ailing pontiff on television, as well as press reports and a subsequent book by John Paul's personal physician. The failure to insert a feeding tube into the patient until just a few days before he died accelerated John Paul's death, Pavanelli concludes. Moreover, Pavanelli says she believes that the Pope's doctors dutifully explained the situation to him, and thus she surmises that it was the pontiff himself who likely refused the feeding tube after he'd been twice rushed to the hospital in February and March. Catholics are enjoined to pursue all means to prolong life.
Read entire article here
Well, I guess it's nice to know there are people loony enough to shoot their own hand. And, of course, videotape it. Teh intarnets r wunnerful tings.
Note: SFW, but damned graphic. Keep that dude wherever he happens to be, which I hope is far far away from me.
Ron simply won't be able to resist this one. Yet another reason to drink lagers!
Dedication to education is sending your kids across a wire over a raging river to get to school (with picture). Olivia can be a helluva thrill seeker when the mood strikes her, but I'm not at all sure she'd be up for this. I know I wouldn't.
While I've known for awhile you can dip an entire computer into cooking oil and still have it run, I had no idea the oil would get so hot you could fry things with it. If it's that hot, I'd want more than a disposable baking pan to hold the oil. I wonder how (or even if) the cooling fans coped with the stuff?
I guess when someone like Mozart says, ahem, "Leck mich im Arsch", that makes it respectable, no?
Yeah, I didn't think so either. Still, was worth a try.
Seems like Christmas has come early for some activity Maori groups:
The United States returned the tattooed head of a Maori and bones from 13 others to New Zealand on Monday — the latest repatriation of indigenous remains from overseas museums, a Maori expert said.
Explain that one to the postal inspector!
Over-salted hamburger? Yep, that's an arrest:
A McDonald’s employee spent a night in jail and is facing criminal charges because a police officer’s burger was too salty, so salty that he says it made him sick.
There's definitely something else going on here. Could be an obnoxious employee, could be an obnoxious cop. Hopefully they'll keep at it and find out.
I'm not at all sure "Marry Our Daughter", a site which purports to be "an introduction service assisting those following the Biblical tradition of arranging marriages for their Daughters" is for real or not. It definitely has a whiff of satire about it. Still, if it's not illegal I don't suppose it's much my business. I do, however, reserve the right to think it's creepy.
When playing with fire, it's always better to have a chemical fire extinguisher handy, instead of a garden hose. And don't believe grampa when he tells you dish washing soap will protect you. It doesn't.
Ya know, when the skin falls off it's time to move on, ok:
It is a devotion that transcends death and social convention, for their mother, Annie, died ten years ago.Since then, she has been kept in cold storage in a funeral parlour in northwest London. Her body, which was treated originally in formaldehyde, has wasted since then, according to a relative of the sisters.
It gets weirder! No, it does!
Fried goat. It's what your flight's having for dinner:
Officials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday.
The article makes it sound like the sacrifice fixed the plane, but I imagine there are a bunch of wrench monkeys on the flight line who'd have an issue with that.
Besides, if all it took to fix a bit of technology was sending a goat on another spin of the reincarnation wheel, there'd be a run on the damned things wherever exists an IT department. Bet on it.
Via TBIFOC.
For proof that people can swirl a conspiracy about absolutely anything, one only need examine the theories flying around Denver International Airport. Hey man, sometimes I know it feels like the end of the world when you're stuck there for 6 hours, but really, maybe it's time to take your meds on schedule, eh?
Everyone's favorite air strike target loopy slap happy president is at it again:
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has sought to justify his confidence the United States will not attack Iran, saying the proof comes from his mathematical skills as an engineer and faith in God, the press reported on Monday.
Engineers are rightly famous for their habit of assuming they're experts at everything because they're experts at one thing*. I just didn't think one would manage to float this far to the top. Guess the pool's not all that deep, eh?
Via Yourish.
---
* The Pocket Protector Principle, if you will.
Lord bless Wikipedia, without which we would never have learned about the late and unlamented sport of "fox tossing." It's exactly what you think it is. Monty Python is turning out to be more of a history class than I'd ever thought (or feared) it would be.
It's official. You can now order absolutely anything from Amazon. Fresh rabbit from teh intarnets. Whodathunkit?
It would seem there's a FAQ on public restroom sex. Who knew? If this stuff is for real, it would seem the Gentleman from Idaho was doing much more than "widening" his stance.
Introducing PCOS: yet another weird thing that can go wrong with women:
During her sophomore year of high school, Jennifer Robidoux noticed a series of strange things happening to her body. She gained 35 pounds in one year. Thick, dark hair started to sprout from her chin, cheeks and stomach, and her period stopped for six months.
...
Two years later, Robidoux learned she had polycystic ovary syndrome, a condition that stops regular ovulation, triggers an increase in masculinizing hormones and is a leading cause of infertility. PCOS gets its name from the small ovarian cysts commonly seen in patients. The syndrome now affects one in 15 women worldwide, according to a recent report by Australian researchers. The report predicts that as obesity rates increase, so will cases of PCOS.
Wtf? Who ordered that?
The more you know...
For further proof of George Lucas's marketing genius, one need only read about the original lightsaber prop being given a ride on the next Space Shuttle mission. Like they all got nothing better to do! Let me tell you, those kids he adopted? Now that, my friend, is what's known as hitting the lottery. He's going to leave one helluva inheritance, s'all I'm saying.
No, really, when pets attack:
A man who lived in his own “zoo” of lizards and insects was fatally bitten by a pet black widow spider — then eaten by the other creepy-crawlies.
Don't worry Grammas, Ellen's not allowed to have poisonous critters.
You know when the clip starts out with, "now he's gonna break something else," it's not going to end well. All things considered, I'm pretty sure I'm glad they didn't roll him over before the clip ended.
This has to be one of the weirdest cases of IM "love and lies" I've ever heard about. An old man makes up a teenage identity. Yeah, ok. Gets a different teen to fall for him. Happens all the time. Then it goes all pear-shaped. Be sure to stick with it to the end, there's one helluva twist before it's over.
Seems to me only the Japanese would be capable of this. Everywhere else there'd be mass hysteria, riots, and hell probably a few drownings. There everyone just crams together and giggles along. Now that's one pool of water I definitely wouldn't want to get up my nose.
After being lost for sixty-plus years, a group of airmen who crashed in the Sierra Nevada mountains seem to have been found. From the report, it appears two of the four have been recovered from their forlorn grave site. Now that the location is better understood, it would seem to only be a matter of time before the other two are found.
In Soviet Russia Islamic nation, weapon fires you. There's a reason why you have to be trained to use a mortar, and why they're so ineffective when Hajji uses them. If we're lucky, it got the cameraman too.
Via Countercolumn.
Naked, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
Mark gets a no-prize that'll eat him if he gives it a chance for bringing us an abject lesson in why bears and drunks don't mix.
Problem: thousands of stray dogs clog the streets of your cities, some of them dangerously aggressive and prone to rabies.
Solution: MMmm... soup:
New Delhi's stray dogs lead a difficult life. But if it was up to one city councilor, they would find themselves in more hot water -- soup, to be precise.Shipping the thousands of strays to Korea, where dog meat is widely consumed in soup, was one of the more outlandish ideas proposed at a city council meeting to deal with the problem, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported Thursday.
When a quote from a city councilman in a country half way across the globe makes it to the front page of a major news service, you know you've got a slow news day on your hands.
I can't help but think this "world's creepiest children's book is a hoax. Kid's books for teen problems? Then again, considering how f'd up the world seems sometimes, I wonder...
A Dutch bishop has publicly called for God to be referred to as Allah during Christian services. The reaction was, to the credit of the Dutch, almost exactly what your reaction was just now. How such a complete nutball ended up in such a position of power is rather a mystery to me. Then again, most things Catholic are.
Guns don't shoot people... turtles shoot people. Funny enough, this didn't happen in the south. From what I understand, there's not much else to do in the state it in which it did happen.
I'm just sayin'...
While everyone's playing up the cynical "make it prettier so it's more marketable" aspect of the Church of Death's change to its patron saint's image, I find the whole concept of the church rather fascinating. Not in a, "oh lord I just talked him out of a Buddha statue in the yard now what" way, but in a, "wow, what an interesting idea" way. Could this be a re-casting of LeVey's Church of Satan, filtered through the unique experiences of Catholic Mexico?
I dunno, while this curricula of a Christian high school math department makes for some unintentionally surreal reading, I can't help but wonder. The secular schools have made a damned big mess of things, and if these kids actually learn from these courses, why not?
In my opinion, the truth is as long as you know the basics, have the discipline and motivation to apply yourself, and the tools needed to learn the hard stuff, the rest is just decoration. Meh, their kids, their money, their business.
While This new traffic cam footage of the ramps to the collapsed Minneapolis bridge isn't as spectacular as the security cam, it does graphically demonstrate how the bridge had been choked down to just 2 lanes because of construction. Fewer lanes meant fewer cars, which probably explains at least part of the (IMO) low injury and death count in the disaster.
I still can't believe less than a dozen people died in this thing.
Cranky old men + hornets nest + gasoline = boom! I am rather surprised the nest made it through unharmed. Fireballs tend to be pretty effective against, well, against most things actually. He's lucky he only lost his eyebrows!
Of course the MN bridge collapse was caused by a secret US military sonic weapons test! I mean, Jumpin' Jesus on a Pogo Stick... get with the program people, willya? And hand me that foil hat, mine fell off when the bridge hit the water.
Via Drumwaster.
Night-vision equipped cannon: 1, Bomb-planting Haji: 0 Video contains some loud cursing at the end, and while it's not blood-and-guts graphic, it does clearly display what happens when someone gets busted planting an IED in Iraq. Unfortunately, it's my understanding these bomb-planters are not much more than patsies, looking for a quick buck. The ones we really want are the builders and the leaders. Still, that was definitely one less bomb and bomb-planter our guys had to worry about that night.
I had a feeling video of the Minneapolis bridge collapse wouldn't be long in coming. From what I can see, it looks like perhaps a dozen or more cars went into the water. It will be a miracle if only (at my last check) 4 people were killed in this.
Bridges don't "just" collapse. Something, probably a whole chain of somethings, went very wrong here.
Australian security officials are claiming Second Life and World of Warcraft are being used to recruit and train terrorists. I would've thought a more realistic multiplay shooter like Counter Strike would've been more useful, but what do I know?
Of course, this assumes we would want to sleep with them:
A new phenomenon in New Zealand is taking the idea of you are what you eat to the extreme.Vegansexuals are people who do not eat any meat or animal products, and who choose not to be sexually intimate with non-vegan partners whose bodies, they say, are made up of dead animals.
Considering the looks of the couple featured in the article, doesn't seem to me to be much of a loss. Besides, I thought vegans didn't like being around people who eat meat because they smelled funny.
And that's another thing... I mean, if the milk comes from a free-ranging cow who's destined to live a long life of pleasant munching and farting, why not drink it? Yeah, yeah, I know, we're talking fringe-left politics, not facts. Expecting these people to be rational is like expecting a fair hearing of evolution in a creationist museum. But still...
Via Misha.
Alternate title: paging Tim Allen, white courtesy phone please:
A consignment of potentially deadly petrol-powered roller skates have been impounded amid fears they could end up being used on the streets.The adapted inline roller blades travel at speeds of up to 20mph with no way of braking and could explode in an accident, Trading Standards said.
Now that's a party, folks!
Considering my skills with the regular sort of in-line skates, I think I'll have to give these a pass. But if you pick up a pair be sure to send some video of your stunts!
What would we do without athletes and the screw-ups they perform on national TV? This time with personal-injury goodness!
No, really! giant jumping sturgeons:
Boaters and other watercraft riders are being hit and injured by giant jumping sturgeons at record pace within a 40-mile stretch of water in Florida.
The fish can grow to enormous size, so getting hit by one is not something to put on your to-do list. Explain that one to the insurance company!
An "amateur scholar" claims to have found a secret image hidden in Da Vinci's famous painting, "The Last Supper. By superimposing a reverse image of the painting onto the original, he claims to have found an image that includes a Templar knight and another individual holding a baby.
Unfortunately no examples are provided. You'd think someone over at MSNBC would have a copy of Photoshop handy, eh? To me, sounds like something along the lines of the Jesus Toast, but I'm a hard-bitten old cynic. Now get off my lawn.
Always remember folks, no matter how weird you think you are there's always someone out there who'll make you look like Ned Flanders:
Here’s a good case-study on both the creepiness and the pitifulness of the Furry Community. Meet Nekobe, the skeeviest furry ever. Wearing a filth-encrusted tiger outfit as his second skin, Nekobe — aka Bart Bervoets — is a toothless homosexual who has had unprotected anal sex with, by his own admission, “hundreds” of other people. He’s so creepy and insane that the furry community has put together an entire site to warn people about him.
Site has graphic descriptions, which may require mental bleach, but seems safe enough for work.
Meet Oscar, the fuzzy feline harbinger of doom! Now I know why mine are always laying on our bed watching me. They're just not as good at it as this one is.
I thought I'd heard of it all until Liz found a scam that involves a freaking reality TV show. Getting college kids to work really awful jobs nearly for free just on the off chance they'll end up on TV is damned devious. Unfortunately I'm not sure it's illegal. Another thing to file away for when Olivia is old enough to have her own checking account.
Looks like Lindsay Lohan is going to be the next tenant at the Paris Hilton LA Jail suite. There. We've mentioned it once. We will now go into "I officially don't give a crap" mode on this story.
I'm sure portraits made of chewed bubble gum are art, of some kind. I'm just not sure what sort of art it'd be. None for our house, Olivia would be picking it apart in moments.
For today's serving of "Those Arabs and Their Wacky Safety Regs" we have road skating. At least this bunch doesn't have explosive belts tied around them. For now, at any rate.
We just wanted to announced that crocodiles waking up with your hand in their mouth is bad mmkay?
Note: article contains very graphic, "look what the cat croc dragged in" picture. SFW, I suppose, but not particularly nice.
Lisa gets a no-prize that'll turn her off of hamburger for awhile for bringing us this rather grisly, albeit suitably bizarre, tale.
I was grateful, but a little puzzled, at the sudden pop of the boy band balloon. Seems that some of the reason behind it is the engine behind the movement has been tossed in the pokey.
Problem: Your economic (mis)management has created inflation reaching 60,000%, making prices so high they have zeros falling off the end.
Solution: Wal Mart-ize the prices, and arrest any shopkeeper who wants to stay in business.
Mugabe's in his 80s now, but he's done such deep and lasting damage to the country even if he died tomorrow it'll take decades to dig it out, and even then only if absolutely everything holds together and is done right. Considering most of Africa's governmental track record, that seems a vain hope indeed.
Unfortunately there are far too many of you out there who think simply commanding prices to be set really is a valid way to manage an economy. If that thought has ever even skittered across your radar screen (say, at a gas pump) watch Zimbabwe carefully, and learn.
Via Econlog.
Making the rounds: quarterback Michael Vick has been indicted by a federal grand jury in a lurid dogfighting scandal. Comes complete with tales of vicious cruelty!
I enjoy watching NFL football in part because the players are distinctive and colorful. Sometimes I just wish they'd be slightly less so.
What's about four feet long, can weigh over a hundred pounds, and swims? I don't know either, but Siflay does, and he includes some very impressive pictures of said monster of the deep. Hell he even links up advice for keeping one in a (very large) tank.
No, Ellen, you definitely can't have one!
China executed the former head of its food and drug watchdog yesterday for approving untested medicine in exchange for cash, the strongest signal yet from Beijing that it is serious about tackling its product safety crisis.During Zheng Xiaoyu's tenure as head of the state food and drug administration from 1997 to 2006, the agency approved six medicines that turned out to be fake. One antibiotic caused the deaths of at least 10 people.
Because this guy, you know, isn't. Breathing, that is.
Via TSO.
Hey Achmed, there's something fishy about that squirrel over there:
Police in Iran are reported to have taken 14 squirrels into custody - because they are suspected of spying.The rodents were found near the Iranian border allegedly equipped with eavesdropping devices.
I expect this thing to have been proven a hoax in a day or two, but for now it's fun to think these guys are really that loopy. Well, until you consider how much they want their own bomb.
That there's what we call a "comprehensive meltdown." Looks like something important let go, and then when he tried to start it again broken fuel lines and an electric fuel pump did the rest. It's a wonder nobody got barbecued.
Here's to third world sporting even safety standards!
No, really, when bikini wax attacks:
'Brazilian' bikini waxes are increasingly popular among women who live nowhere near the bikini-clad beaches of Rio de Janeiro. For one 20-year-old woman in Melbourne, Australia, this routine procedure nearly took her life.
Turns out she's a poorly managed diabetic who, from the article, sounds like she's got a whole lot of other issues which combine to suppress her immune system and make her more susceptible to infection, which the ol' b.b.w gave her. It's just as well there are no pictures. Something tells me this one's not likely to be a keeper.
Leave it to the Japanese to take a simple concept like "air guitar" and run it straight through weird right out the other side into silly surreality. Sometimes things just don't need much translation.
While I definitely enjoy air travel for its own sake, trying to optimize the whole thing so as to maximize airmiles seems a little extreme to me. Maybe when I was single, it would've held more appeal?
Ron gets a no-prize that'll scare little children for bringing us the latest in Grim Reaper automotive style. With a center of gravity that high, I'd be more than a little nervous taking it around a cloverleaf at speed.
No Ellen, you can't have one.
There's party leftovers, then there's party leftovers:
A Belgian man appeared in court on Friday after a woman at his dinner party found the bodies of his wife and stepson in the freezer as she put away the leftovers, prosecutors said.
Yet another argument for an open bar at the reception, and for only letting the most lit guest put things away in the freezer. You may not find the cake in the morning, but they may not spot the bodies that evening!
Leave it to the Japanese to take asceticism to a fanatically looney extreme. Considering there seem to have only been twenty-eight recorded instances of "self-mummification" in nearly 1000 years, it's not like just anyone was able to take some eight years to transform themselves from a (presumably) healthy person to a quite dead mummy. Take that, all you Christo & Islamo loons!
I'm not sure what the hell this is, but the artwork is certainly interesting. Macabre and grotesque, but also interesting. Anybody speak Russian?
Rockets do a lot of things well, but bouncing isn't one of them.
Olivia, while watching over my shoulder, "Daddy, what happened?"
"The rocket launched, and then it fell down and crashed."
"Yeah. They're gonna have to fix that."
50 mph, in a wheelchair, stuck in the grill of a semi truck. Amazingly, nobody got hurt.
International environmental movements are calling on China to sharply limit its tiger farming industry. In other news, China has tiger farms.
I'm definitely of two minds about this. While I personally find the concept of raising tigers specifically to harvest their bits distasteful, if a percentage of the profits could somehow be funneled into conservation efforts for the wild ones I can't really categorically state I'm against it. I mean really, how different is this from, say, a cattle farm?
The very existence of a legal, reliable source of tiger parts to help keep superstitious Asian wangs at full-mast will considerably ease the pressure on wild populations. After all, if the market is allowed to work the domestic stuff will inevitably be cheaper. Why trek through the jungle when you just have to pay a visit to farmer Ming to get what you want?
Introducing the Lilac Chaser, a new-ish (well, to me anyway) and fun optical illusion. Most of the time these sorts of things don't work for me, especially those "stare at it and see the pattern" things, but this one worked right off the bat.
Cucumber flavored soda, anyone? No more making fun of Olivia's fruit punch and grapefruit sodas, eh?
Kiwi flavored sausage, anyone? No, really! Soon to be featured at a San Francisco sporting event near you!*
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* Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Well, I don't really like them all that much, but I do think they're interesting. As long as they stay on that side of the TV, that is. The article includes the first video I've ever seen of a goliath spider in the wild. Reason Never to Visit the Rain Forest # 423, far as I'm concerned.
Hippos keep a strict watch over their territories and threaten anyone who invade them. Their teeth are as sharp as razor blades and they kill more people than any other African animal. Despite this, they are actually vegetarians and feed exclusively on grass.
Read the entire article with picture goodness here.
On the web site you can find: -- Peoples stories, both those of voice hearers and people who work with voice hearers as well as stories of hope and recovery.
-- A challenge to the medical model and ideas psychiatry has about voices as well as information about a more empowering and helpful alternative.
-- Information about the work and the contact details for all of the hearing voices groups and networks working across the world.
-- Information about research and publications on this new ways of thinking and working.
-- A news service, an events calender and a links page to other helpful organizations and sites.
I shit you not, this is a real site.
And in the "slow news day" department we have the announcement of an expedition to find the hole that leads to the center of the Earth. No, really!
The alpha boar, which weighed 75st (477kg) and measured 9ft 4in (2.8 metres), has been declared the new Goliath of the hog world, making Hogzilla, a 57st specimen killed in Georgia in 2004, look like Piglet by comparison. It has now been turned into sausages – 2,800 of them.
I could have titled this "Hog Kills Hog", but that would cause an uproar. No wait, I just did. My blog, bite me. Perhaps he needs to exercise his body a bit more than sitting still in a tree waiting for animals to pass on by.
No-Prize! to Nina for the submission!
And the latest entry in the "Captain Obvious" file is news that Cannes film-goers find a film documenting bestiality is shocking. With quotes like, "the men heard in the film are remarkably honest about their motivations. One of them argues "mammal to mammal" love should not be seen as wrong." And, "another firmly rejects the tag "bad person" his employer lays upon him before he is sacked. They all say the horses were willing participants. " you just can't go wrong, I guess.
'Scuse me, I need to go shower.
This has got to be the dumbest quote yet:
Ambulance spokeswoman Helen Robinson said: “The injuries were so severe that the woman was already dead at the scene.”
OK now look up at the Title of this story. Ya think?
Read asinine article here.
Do these things have bullseyes painted on them?
A millionaire businessman is suing a bus company, claiming a bungling driver caused more than £300,000 of damage to his rare Ferrari Enzo.Property tycoon Frank Mountain has issued a High Court writ after his 220mph supercar was hit by the bus in one of the most expensive prangs in motoring history.
From the pictures, it doesn't look like it was totaled, but still. And trust me, this guy is almost certainly out-of-pocket for this. Most insurers will hang up before you even finish the word, "Ferrari." They all will on a model this expensive and rare.
All those people across the pond who make fun of American schools that don't teach evolution for fear of upsetting a few religious nuts are pleased to be sitting down and shutting the hell up now:
[UK] schools are dropping the Holocaust from history lessons to avoid offending Muslim pupils, a Government backed study has revealed.
Of course, they haven't tried to formally ban the teaching, so I guess we're still one up on that. Comfort's not so nice when it's cold, is it?
Monstrous armored freshwater fish, anyone? Gar always scared the heck out of my brother and me when we were kids fishing on the Arkansas river, and I can't recall ever seeing one much bigger than 2 or 3 feet. If I had any idea they could get that big I probably would never have gone near the water.
Alternative title: when vegans attack:
An adult who was well-nourished in utero and in infancy may choose to get by on a vegan diet, but babies are built from protein, calcium, cholesterol and fish oil. Children fed only plants will not get the precious things they need to live and grow.
We have a few relatives who are vegans, as I understand it quite hard-line at that. Should they decide to ever have children, I do hope they take a cue from the world's oldest vegetarians and add dairy and eggs to their diet. If both are organically raised, it would seem to me an adequate "cover" to maintaining one's vegan credentials.
Ron gets a no-prize he better keep in the closet for bringing us this documentary clip about a boy and his doll. Realdoll, that is. This is possibly the first time I had to look away from a video that didn't have blood and guts in it. Video is SFW, if not for stomach.
In fact, it's so over-the-top creepy, I have a sneaking suspicion it might be a hoax. If it is, it's a pretty good one. *shudder*
... lawnmowers kill people. Let this be a reminder to everyone: if someone around you grabs a high-voltage line, they will not be able to let go and you must not touch them with your hands, or anything conductive, otherwise the electricity will get you too. Grab a broom handle, a stick, a (wooden!) bat, a board... anything non-conductive, and use that to push them off instead.
I've gotten popped a few times in my life, but have always been fortunate that the electricity "bounced" me off instead of locking me on. Very dangerous stuff if not handled with care!
Libertarian National Socialist Green Party. I always knew they were green on the outside, red on the inside. I just didn't expect the seeds to sometimes be shaped like swastikas. This was just too much, but research seems to indicate it's not a hoax.
Insert Blues Brothers reference here...
30 foot jump into a kiddie pool full of water, anyone? I thought the Guinness Book people had long ago stopped accepting records that were actively dangerous. Maybe, as the article speculates, it's not as hard as it looks? And I'll bet the unitard was used to reduce the sting. I hope.
Via Instapundit, who seems to be stealing our shtick with this one.
Inside joke: Brian?!? Is that you?!?
Far as I'm concerned one of the joys of maleness is a distinct lack of pregnancy. At least one guy disagrees.
Um... well, ok. Pay your taxes, stay out of trouble, keep off my lawn, and I guess I don't have too much trouble...
Oh hell who am I kidding? That's some seriously skeevy stuff over there, man.
Fat, drunk, and electrocuted is no way to go through life, son. I think the worst we ever did in college was get drunk and fry CDs in the microwave. Well, that and stealing an entire pre-mix soda dispenser system, complete with cannisters. Needed it to keep the beer cold, donchaknow?
Good times. Good times.
While the author of this "Top 10 weirdest medical anomolies" list clearly knows English as a second language, the result is still quite interesting. I'd read or heard about most of the disorders described, but not in quite such a succinct (if sometimes bizarrely broken) fashion.
Remember those stories about a fish that'd swim up your wee stream and lodge itself in your willie? All true man, all true. Unlike other stories I've read, this one has pictures of the lovely little critter. Language is a little blue, but otherwise the article is SFW.
The best part is how unflappable the anchorwoman is at the end. Hopefully the old coot was OK. Remember folks, zippy the electric arc says, "it's dangerous to touch uninsulated wiring!"
Recent reports seem to indicate everyone's favorite self-promoting heiress is brazenly driving around on a suspended license. This article seems to imply that's not the case, at least when the photos in question were taken.
Alternate title: Dammit! I ordered this to go!
Nothing like a known object to put an unfamiliar one, such as a goliath bird spider, in perspective.
Via Instapundit.
People are claiming to see all kinds of things -- orbs floating across the highway, apparitions on the side of the road hitchhiking, phantom trucks, you name it," book author Charlie Carlson said. "There are dead people beneath interstate 4."
What are you waiting for! Head out to I-4.
Photographing 25,000 people naked in the middle of Mexico City is definitely a unique thing to put on your resume. Nice work, if you can get it (SFW).
Two words: tampon taser. Sorta makes that whole "sticky side up" incident pretty lame, eh?
It's nice to see that, in spite of market reforms, the Chinese communist party is still adept at double-talk. He wasn't "shot while trying to escape," he just got SADS.
Karma's a bitch, ain't it? I can't tell you the number of times some asshat ruined an on-line community I was participating in just for the hell of it. Everyone on-line wanted to find one of these freaks and beat the crap out of him, but (unlike this case) we never actually did. The fact this guy told the people he was tormenting where he lived and defied them to take action speaks volumes about his on-line attitude. I'm not condoning it, but I definitely take a certain amount of satisfaction from it.
Bad! Bad Buddhist! No biscuit!
I'm not completely sure this one's for real, but if it is hopefully the guy learned his lesson. Do not pee on electric fences!
It's nice to know foil hats will fit under all sorts of headgear. I'd like to think I'd be strong enough to walk away from someone making ridiculously antisemitic remarks. However, when I consider my track record with people who make ridiculously racist remarks, well, I'm not so sure.
Dinner whilst hanging from a crane, anyone? Finally a place we can have dinner without Olivia crawling under the table switching sides.
Seems like on-line love is alive and well out in cyberspace. Ellen and I are so old-school we remember when shenanigans like these were carried out on talkers and muds. The fact that a lot of you out there don't have any idea what a talker or a mud actually is just makes it worse.
Oh, and by the way, it is cheating. Period. Here are some rules that might help.
Ya know, I'm such a fan of 'za,
I'm not completely sure a loon wacking his own wang off would really put me off my slice. Certainly I'd make sure to grab it said slice* on the way out!
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* Just so's the grammar police don't get all confused.
From song writing to toilet advice. Is there anything Sheryl Crow can't do?
I can't help but think this will turn out to be some sort of joke the folks at the Beeb just didn't get. At least that's what I hope, at any rate.
~ All I wanna do, is wipe some butt ~
While the skills involved to create something like this are impressive, I can't actually see a steering wheel anywhere. That would seem to make this thing an exercise in creating a monstrous self-powered portable stereo system. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but in my opinion if I'm going to spend that kind of dough I better not have to push the damned thing anywhere.
Tractor Trailer: 1, 120 mph motorcyclist: 0. One can only hope what's left won't end up on Consumption Junction or some other place. Not that you'd be able to recognize it.
Having solved all other problems, the New York City government is considering promoting circumcision amongst male residents. The motivation appears to be the heightened AIDS resistance the procedure seems to provide. Then again, it also appears that NYC legislators simply have too much time on their hands. Personally, I recommend re-deployment as meter readers. At least then they'd do something useful.
TAIPEI, Taiwan -- A zoo worker had his forearm reattached Thursday after his colleagues recovered the severed limb from the mouth of a 440-pound Nile crocodile, an official said.The crocodile severed Chang Po-yu's forearm on Wednesday at the Shaoshan Zoo in the southern city of Kaohsiung when the veterinarian tried to retrieve a tranquilizer dart from the reptile's hide, zoo officials said.
Read article and see picture here.
Nice to know the US doesn't have a corner on loony lefties. For whatever reason, the 2007 Tokyo gubernatorial results are available, and it looks like Pol Pot's spiritual twin ended up with 15,000 votes. Maybe his name looks like some other famous guy?
No, really, when elephants attack.
Note to self: When on safari in Africa, do not let the guides steer the boat anywhere near a shoreline containing large, pissed-off pachyderms with little babies in tow. Nothing good comes of it.
Running around fat, drunk, and stupid with a bikini on is no way to go through life, son. Pictures are SFW, but probably not SFE (safe for eyes).
I'm sure there's a story behind that, not sure what it is. Hopefully it just had the crew on board at that point (she looks like she's under power). I'd be one unhappy customer to have paid a ticket for that ride.
Alternate title: cop car: 1, crackhead: 0. Hey, at least he was wearing a helmet!
If this fark-linked article is to be believed, that's exactly what NASA did when it plunged the nuclear-powered Galileo probe into the Jovian atmosphere four years ago. The guy claims that the 144 pellets of plutonium-238 used to provide electricity for the probe not only survived re-entry, but held together long enough to be imploded by the atmospheric pressure of Jupiter's atmosphere.
While the concept of a nuclear implosion being triggered by atmospheric pressure alone is a staggering concept, it's definitely not out of the range of possibility when it comes to Jupiter. As I understand it, the pressures there are so great the planet is thought to be covered in thick layer of superconducting solidified hydrogen. However, I can't help but think that, considering the violence of the re-entry was utterly beyond any sort of design specification of Galileo's power supply, the pellets were simply scattered to the winds like dandelion seeds on a breeze.
Still, I suppose anything is possible. I mean, look at Al Gore...
The Next Magazine, a weekly publication from Hong Kong, reported that infant corpses and fetuses have become the newest supplements for health and beauty in China. Not only is the placenta considered a beauty remedy, but also aborted fetuses are much sought after delicacies. In Guangdong, gourmet body parts are in high demand and can even be purchased through hospitals. The magazine’s investigations into this form of cannibalism took them to Liaoning province.
Read entire weirdness here.
To me, they are the extreme strange of the Asian world. I mean what do you expect? They eat dogs and cats.
If you have been denounced they toss you in prison. You get pregnant in prison, they abort you, even at 5 months. Hide it? They kill the children.
They are savages.
But back to the bunnies!
An east German pensioner who breeds rabbits the size of dogs has been asked by North Korea to help set up a big bunny farm to alleviate food shortages in the communist country. Now journalists and rabbit gourmets from around the world are thumping at his door.
Read entire article here
Communism is a shitty thing. It does not work out.
Comments? Fuck You. You don't get them this time.
Virtue(R)'s subtle blend includes top notes of apricot, pomegranate and fig that transition to a gentle heart of iris, warming to a golden base of rich, exotic woods of frankincense, myrrh, aloe, and spikenard. Several ingredients cost up to $4,500 per kilogram, making Virtue(R) a truly precious mixture of oils. It is available in a 1.7-fluid ounce French bottle and over cap, with 24-kt gold raised lettering on the bottle and embossed gold foil lettering on the box, pamphlet enclosed. Virtue(R) retails for $80 and is available only via the Internet at www.virtueperfume.com.
Rush your order now!
Read article here.
15 million gallons of sewage don't just disappear, ya know? Something tells me there's a picture of guys in hard hats peering down a hole featured in a local paper this week. Push!
One in ten people in the world live less than ten meters above sea level. One in eight city dwellers do the same.
... and? They live there now because coasts enable trade, and trade enables growth, and growth is what lifts people out of poverty. It's only when people are no longer poor that they will begin to care about the environment*, and growth is the only thing that will improve the infrastructure to the point it becomes possible to live on higher ground.
So of course one of the things mentioned as a "problem" is "continuing economic growth." It just won't do to have all these brown people working their way toward wealth and happiness. We must lead them to the correct behaviors! Start massive building projects! Take corporate profits to pay for them! Just because it's never worked before doesn't mean we can't try again!
Maybe I should put a watermelon category up. You know, just to emphasize the reality of the situation.
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* From memory, this is actually a low number, a per-capita wage of about $8500.
Even more obscure reference: Paging Georgia Lass, white courtesy phone please. No-prize to the first one to recognize it. And no Googling!
Ron gets a no-prize he can pick up at the weirdest confectionery shop in London for bringing us news of the capture of a monster toad in Australia. Big as a damned football! Unfortunately if the implications of the article are followed to their logical conclusion, Mr. Monster Toad is likely frozen stiff awaiting transformation into fertilizer.
No, Ellen, you can't have one.
Scientists are now reporting the creation of a sheep that's 40% human on the cellular level. The goal is to create animals that will provide perfect transplant organs for patients. While the "Frankenstein-in-fleece" creep factor looms large, I think the real concern will be for cross-species disease transfer. Critics are already bringing this up, but considering the value of a transplanted organ, it would seem to me an engineering problem to create an environment which would keep these sorts of sheep completely disease-free.
Baa!
Ron gets a no-prize that'll look snazzy in a Tuxedo for bringing us yet another example of advertising disguising itself as journalism. I never did get much into magazines like Esquire precisely because the stuff they recommended was always so ridiculously overpriced. $750 for a pair of brown wing-tips sure does put my high-zoot bicycling shoes into perspective.
...that will shut them up!
"Hand-rearing a polar bear is not appropriate and is a serious violation of animal rights," Bild newspaper quoted animal rights campaigner Frank Albrecht as saying."In fact, the cub should have been killed," he added.
Like I said, we can solve the problem easily.
All men rejoice!
"I strongly believe that the Hooters concept is something that Israelis are looking for," Ofer Ahiraz, who bought the Hooters franchise for Israel, told Reuters Monday. "Hooters can suit the Israeli entertainment culture."At Hooters, waitresses the company calls Hooters Girls serve spicy chicken wings, sandwiches, seafood and drinks.
Ahiraz said a specific location in Tel Aviv, Israel's most cosmopolitan city, had yet to be chosen, but he said it would not open restaurants near large religious populations, and they would not be kosher.
Because if you do, they might mistake your thumb for lunch. This one takes awhile to unfold, but it works because for once you know one of these geniuses is going to get exactly what he deserved.
"Excuse me sir, would you like soda, juice, coffee, or a corpse?"
Having a flight crew load a dead body next to your first-class seat sounds like something out of a black comedy. Knowing how original Hollywood is, it most likely will be made into one soon.
Ron gets a no-prize with a surprisingly authentic grunt for bringing us news of ringtones based on the calls of endangered species. It's bad enough Ellen's phone detonates with this blaring trumpet fandango from who knows where. Now she can actually have it roar like a tiger? Just what I always wanted.
Slime: check. Bizarre shape: check. Weirdly made up model: check. That settles it, it's definitely high fashion.
DO! NOT! WANT!
A 13 year old monster from a small town near Columbus, Ohio who's managed to rack up 128 felonies in a single year. There's a really grim, ugly story somewhere in this kid's life, and while I'd like to think the Juvenile system will rehabilitate him, I can't say I'm holding out much hope.
Fark (of course) linked up news of a family promoting their own daughter's career in porn. Promoting it all the way to lobbying Real Doll to make a copy of her. Definitely the gold-standard story for the sheer number of skeeve factors.
... every day you see one of those funky dental picks incorporated into a bird's nest. The strange things you see on the way to buy a sandwich for lunch!
Is there nothing environmentalists won't try to ruin? European automakers only started to pay attention to environmental controls on automobiles when German scientists linked damage to Germany's Black Forest to auto emissions back in the early 80s. As noted in the article, congestion has forced speed limits to be imposed in many sections of the Autobahn, and obviates the lack of a speed limit in many others. Setting a mandated speed limit may be just a formality. More's the pity.
Don’t move that rock. You’ll kill the fairies! If nothing else, we now have definitive proof that the Luddites in Northern Virginia have not in fact tried everything under the sun to stop developers.
And from the, "what-were-you-f'ing-expecting?" department, we have the discovery that circumcision does not in fact halve the chances of HIV infection. The reason? The idjits aren't waiting for their incisions to heal before they start having sex again.
I can't think of a better place for a high-speed run in a street car than a closed airport runway. Well, except for the seagulls, I suppose.
Supercar owners, like their more common SUV cousins, sometimes need to be reminded the laws of physics still apply to them. Smashing a Bugatti Veyron doing 100 mph in a 40 mph zone in the rain is quite an accomplishment! You get a gold star!
The damage doesn't look any worse than a "substantial" crash of any other sort of car. Were it, say, an Audi or a Jaguar, I'd judge it to be expensive to fix but not a write-off*. However, this Bugatti is mostly carbon fiber (if not completely), so who knows? They might be able to screw the nose off and put a new one on, or there may be cracks that go all the way through to the back bumper.
Definitely glad it wasn't my car.
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* Being a car guy who is a) into classic cars that often need bodywork and b) was somewhat... careless... early in his driving career, I'm actually pretty well versed in how body repair assessments work. I'm not a professional insurance adjuster, but I could probably play one on TV.
I guess all those people who, like me, thought it would be Federline who imploded are pretty amazed right about now. Definitely glad I didn't put any money in that race. For once.
I guess it sort of confirms what every man in America has known on some level for a long time: a lot of Britney's appeal was based on the "You can't have me, and you know if you did I'd hurt you 'cos I'm out of my freaking mind" buzz you could see behind her eyes. Also goes a long way to proving God is a guy, because only a guy in a bar would think it's funny to hard-wire his creations to reflexively want chicks like this*. We all do, but we all grow out of it. Usually through painful experience.**
Hopefully her sister, who is a regular on some Disney channel show Olivia sees ads on between Sponge Bob episodes, has her head screwed on straighter. Not putting any money on that one either, but having your older sister act as such a signal warning has to help.
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* Call it the Jackass effect, writ large.
** Typically involving an emptied bank account and jail time. So I've heard.
Mark gets a very ex-no-prize for bringing us an example of why Haji should keep his head down. Apparently this is Hamas v. Fatah, although from the voices in the background it seems (to my tin ear anyway) to have been caught by an Israeli camera.
Update: Sometimes you get them in bunches.
Melinda S. (whom I grew up with as Melinda M.) gets a very scary no-prize for bringing us the most detailed look I've seen so far at what's left of Dumas after the big tornado. So much for a sleepy little town never changing!
Looks like some people in the British government were looking into UFOs as late as the mid-90s. The conclusions were to be expected, but it's interesting to see "legitimate" researchers still looking into the matter occasionally.
I guess it was only a matter of time before someone turned a Fiero into a Jeep. Since it's a mid-engine car, it probably wouldn't be too shabby off-road (original Volkswagen Beetles are good off-road for most of the same reasons). Esthetically though, not so much. Any body kit that starts out, "first, chop the front foot of your car off" is automatically going to be suspect to me.
Meh, your car, your money, your business.
More updates on the Dumas tornado. Fatalities still standing at zero, although there are a few people with "critical injuries." This is the town I grew up in, and by the looks of it there's not too much left. A real shame, as last time I visited (this previous summer) was the first time I saw evidence of recovery/growth in more than a decade. Article includes a link to a video story.
Sink hole, meet city block. City block, sink hole. And we all thought sink holes that'd eat a few cars were impressive.
Possible tornado tears through Arkansas town
Several Dumas restaurants, a Mad Butcher grocery store and some nearby homes were leveled, KTHV reported. Video from the scene showed several buildings rendered nearly unrecognizable. A sign for a street located a mile away was lying in the grocery store parking lot.
Scary thing is, Scott grew up there. He has family there. All of those stores I saw, gone. Even my beloved Sonic.
Trust me, if the government really were spraying poisons and disguising them as aircraft contrails, whole swathes of the deep South would pay to have them loaded up with malathion and flown regularly over towns and fields in the summer. The mosquitoes really are that bad.
And these people really are that nuts.
And thank goodness for Fark linking up this far more reasonable article, otherwise there would've been a whole class of crazy I'd otherwise would've let pass me by.
The whole concept of a small south Pacific tribe worshiping Britain's Prince Phillip as a god just reeks of hoax to me, but apparently they've been documented as doing it for something like 50 years now. If it is a hoax it's a damned good one. Considering all they seem to have gotten for their troubles was a few pictures, it doesn't seem to have been that great a gambit.
"At the most, she should be flogged." I'm so glad he's here to tell us the real reasons why it's so important for women not to masturbate.
The sad thing is, if this speech had been tweaked only slightly and then read out in English, I'd probably have mistaken the speaker for one of the fundie preachers that infest the deep South to this day. More proof belief is a circle, not a line.
Pop quiz: evolution is:
Could be worse; he could be running for president.
One good thing about cats: they can't eat turtles. Untrained golden retrievers have to be one of the most enthusiastically stupid pets I've ever known. Happy and sweet, but dumb.
Policy: Arbitrarily set prices for foodstuffs based on what one set of damned fool know-it-alls (perhaps just a single know-it-all) think is "fair."
Result: Since prices can't rise and fall based on supply and demand, businesses stop selling and producers stop producing. In other words, shortages. If it goes on long enough, famine.
Reaction: Steal the stores.
It would be freaking hilarious if it weren't so damned depressingly familiar. In the early decades of the previous century, the poverty and suffering that inevitably result from command economies was easy enough to hide. In today's era? Not so much.
That said, this still isn't going to end well.
Alls I gots ta say is, if you think people are "donating" taxes to anything, toots, it's time for some remedial economics courses. Then again, I find it to be a pretty common belief on the left, that taxes are really just another form of charity. When I point out that donations are by definition not mandatory, whereas taxes are, I either get a look of startled realization, or of annoyed befuddlement. Unfortunately the latter is far more common than the former.
The whole, "US troops are just a bunch of bloodthirsty mercenaries pickin' cotton for the massa on the hill" theme of the essay itself I won't be making many comments on. I'll let Jason do that.
Being (presumably) protected by tenure and secured from the plebes and bourgeois by her ivory tower, I wonder if Dr. Terpstra will be as surprised by the vociferous reaction to her screaming example of unrepentant Marxism as was our good friend Billy Arkin? Perhaps more importantly, will the senior staff and faculty of Loyla University take any notice at all? All the world wonders.
I guess it was inevitable someone would start ricing up Alfas. I guess we'd call these "risotto", no?
"It could be worse!"
Kudos go again to Wikipedia, without which I may never heard of Able Archer 83, considered by some to be the closest the world got to nuclear war since the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962. Having quite vivid memories of what the world was like at the time, I'm amazed the government was up to such shenanigans. Everyone with nukes was pointing them at each other, finger on trigger, safety off. Both sides were engaging in such damned fool things for so long it's a wonder any of us are here at all.
The article does point out there's actually quite limited evidence for such an alarmist Soviet response. However, I've been doing quite a lot of reading about the first and second generations of Soviet revolutionaries, and such a paranoiac reaction was completely within their character. Can't say it happened, but can't say it didn't either.
Scary times indeed.
This story just keeps getting weirder!
The line of those claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter — a baby who could wind up being worth nearly a half-billion dollars — got a little longer Friday when the husband of 90-year-old Hungarian actress Zsa Zsa Gabor made the incredible claim that he fathered the child, and not two other men already wrangling over her paternity.
A really odd NO-PRIZE! to my Mom for bringing up the next part of this Anna Nicole saga.
Carrie gets a damned foolish no-prize for bringing us evidence that wacky fundamentalists trying to screw with natural history museums are not just a US phenomenon. Having bored journalists who'll stick a microphone in anyone's face is also, apparently, quite common elsewhere as well.
Not content with the milquetoast "sort of real, sort of functioning" socialism currently implemented in Europe, the EU has decided it's time to introduce some of the old-time (Marxist-Leninist) religion to their regulation:
The European Commission has proposed forcing carmakers to increase the fuel efficiency of new cars by 18%, by 2012.
...
Industry Commissioner Guenter Verheugen urged the industry to see the commission's proposal as a spur to innovation."The motor industry faces a major challenge... I would urge them to face up to it and not consider it a burden but consider it a positive challenge," he said.
Comrades! I have recently reviewed your production reports for the previous year and find them unacceptable! The targets set by the central committee are not to be questioned! Complaints of unrealistic goals and burdensome regulation are the workings of Trotskyite-facist saboteurs , and must be dealt with in the most extreme way possible! You must respond to this positive challenge!
-J. Stalin G. Verheugen
At least their car companies can blame the government when they fail. Ours, not so much. I'm sure such comfort will keep their former employees warm on the bread lines.
Dude... I mean, where do you start:
Deary Abby: I am writing on behalf of my friends at work. We have a co-worker, "Madge," who had a stillborn baby last year. It was tragic. Our problem is, she keeps a photo of the deceased infant with its little eyes sewn shut on her desk in plain view, so that if we must interact with her (we have an open cubicle layout) we have to see it.
Fortunately, the article is completely picture-less. I know that something like this can create long-lasting emotional trauma, but holy freakin' jeebus on a stick, we gotta have limits people. Limits!
Via WTF is it Now?!?, whose icon on this story is much better than our own.
I remember quite clearly when this British Airways flight nearly went down because it had flown through a cloud of volcanic ash. At the time, I thought staying away from such things was a complete no-brainer. As with all such things, the reality of the situation made it much more complicated than people realized at the time.
And from the "slow news day" department, Reuters discovers just how weird Mormons can be. The fact they've been baptizing by proxy for more than a century, usually quite openly, doesn't matter. Always remember The Reporter's Maxim: "If I've never heard of it, it must be news!"
I will have to admit I'd never heard of the "marriage by proxy" bit. I thought heaven was a place where bad things didn't happen to you!
Being unreasonable and tenacious isn't a crime. Or is it? I guess it depends on the group with which you are being unreasonable, especially when that group is the Church of Scientology.
Don't forget to scroll down to the comments, which to me bear a striking resemblance to our own encounter with the loopy unreasonable fringe (ignore the article, check the comments). The primary difference, it would seem, is that the Scientologists are a helluva lot richer than our kooky vampire hunters.
Via Instapundit.
I spent good money on them to make sure they didn't
And that whole 48 inch waist thing? So not me.
To the general public, people like me are sick and strange, and that's where it ends. I think it is a question of fearing the unknown. I have something called body identity integrity disorder (BIID), where sufferers want to remove one or more healthy limbs. Few people who haven't experienced it themselves can understand what I am going through. It is not a sexual thing, it is certainly not a fetish, and it is nothing to do with appearances. I simply cannot relate to myself with two legs: it isn't the "me" I want to be. I have long known that if I want to get on with my life I need to remove both legs. I have been trapped in the wrong body all this time and over the years I came to hate my physical self.
"To the general public, people like me are sick and strange, and that's where it ends."
Uh...ya THINK!?
Read the whole f'd up article.
Mark gets a no-prize you better not eat for bringing us news of mysterious orange snow being found in a remote part (is there any other kind?) of Siberia. The fact that the snow is oily, and the region is at the center of Russia's oil industry, makes the culprit pretty obvious to me. Must've been a slow news day or something.
Soldiers say, "it's not possible to support us and not support our mission."
A lefty replies, "Just feel lucky we're doing that much, you mercenary coup-plotting punks. Now apologize and give me 20."
No, really!
This one's got the right side of the blogosphere in attack mode, and rightly so. I've got friends who do hold the "troops, not mission" line, and I've never heard anything even remotely like this from them. The comments section makes it even worse, since it seems all the loons from the thread we linked up yesterday went barking over there today.
You think I'm exaggerating. I'm not. If this is the best the hard-left can come up with, I'd hate to see what they'd get up to if they actually got hold of the levers of power.
Oh... wait...
Via Countercolumn (although essentially all the blogs I read are linking to it. Whee! Lemming time!)
Hooray! It's Skippy the Funeral Home Squirrel and His Topless Girlie Show Dancers!
No, really!
And 20-somethings wonder why it's so hard to start renting an apartment. Not a girl to be found anywhere, imagine that.
No, I wasn't like this in college. But I had friends who were.
While any site that purports to offer escape from the bondage of space time is worth a look to me, viewing it revealed a strange but rather happy old man bopping to 40s swing music and cooing "yes, it is" at random times. I'm sure Master Teacher had a point somewhere in there, I just wasn't able to find it. The Internet is a wonderful place!
Guard dogs protecting a fruit orchard in Malaysia have met their match – a 7.1-metre-long python that swallowed at least 11 hounds before it was finally discovered by villagers.
No biscuit!
Or, in this case, a body in a box:
The partially mummified body of a baby, wrapped in 1950s newspapers, was found Monday by a woman going through her deceased parents' belongings in a southeast Florida storage facility, according to police.
The things we hide away, forgotten and alone.
Making the rounds: pop singer Brandy was recently involved in a fatal car accident. The linked report gives much more detail than the blurb I read in the Post this morning, including a weird note about how many other "Moesha" stars have kicked the bucket recently (Brandy's fine, it was some other unlucky SOB who got her ticket punched).
Actually, I'm surprised it's taken this long for God to start hating goths. We have several friends who inhabit the gothic sphere, but even they admit they're out on the edge. I've been told more than once the really scary goths are the ones that come out for specific festivals and parties held around the region, and that the people I've met and/or hung out with are quite tame in comparison*.
Concerning my own child, I'm of two minds. If she eventually wants to dress in black and wear weird jewelry, well, she'll mostly just be emulating her aunt and her mom. If she starts hanging out with people who are No Damned Good, well, that'll be something quite different entirely.
Telling the difference is I suppose one of the most challenging aspects of being a parent. I'm so not looking forward to 13...
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* Which, considering some of the folks we've seen over the years, is really saying something.
While the question was not directly asked of me, the correct answer is no, demonstrated bigotry is far from endemic in and definitely not limited to the GOP, and neocons world-wide have no particular corner on the intolerance market.
I expect the reply will be, "yes, but that's different." The problem is I'm not completely sure how.
Via LaShawn Barber.
The Kangaroo Scrotum Bottle Opener comes in a variety of colours, mostly shades of grey, brown and white and is Close up of Kangaroo Scrotumpresented tastefully; gift boxed, as are all products in our Gifts Of Distinction range.
Robert William Pickton is charged with the deaths of 26 women, mostly prostitutes and drug addicts who vanished from Vancouver's impoverished Downtown Eastside neighborhood in the 1990s.
Makes you want to read more. Especially since he was a pig farmer.
With this vintage chastity belt, I officially declare there is Nothing Under the Sun which is unavailable at E-bay. This is definitely one I don't want sniped, ok?
Oh yeah, definitely, gotta get me some of these:
Leggings made of microfiber cotton and wool, shown in violet, forest green and Milan fog gray, all of them with stirrup straps, except of course for a couple of them cut above the knee, accompanied half the looks in this poetic, polished and unexpected collection.
Probably cost $5k per pair too. Meh, what do I know? I regularly ride around in public in spandex. But stirrups?
The woman behind Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa painting may be buried near a now derelict building in the heart of Florence, according to archival documents.Read entire article hereThe exact location of Mona Lisa's burial site, the convent of Sant'Orsola, was just a about 900 feet away from the house of the artist's father, according to the historian, Giuseppe Pallanti.
Ever wonder what baseball-sized hail looks like falling from the sky? Wonder no more. Looks like the other end of a batting range for the world's largest little league practice to me.
Pop quiz:
World standard time should be based on Mecca and not Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) because:
Via ASFD.
Nice to know DC-area drivers aren't the only ones utterly helpless in ice and snow. Be sure not to miss the video!
Personally, I can't think of a more perfect article for our Weird & F'd up section than this extensive look at "TIs", people completely convinced they're victims of government-sponsored mind control. As with most people with very very esoteric interests, the internet is finally allowing them to find each other and organize in a way that brings more attention to their cause. While long, the article is still quite good. The descriptions of the victims' experiences are particularly compelling.
Don't get me wrong, I still think they're loons. But if finding someone who believes as whole-heartedly as you do that The Government is beaming messages into your head is what keeps you from eating a bullet or a whole bottle of pills in one sitting, I don't necessarily think it's all bad. As long as you stay out of trouble, pay your taxes, and keep off my lawn, you can believe in any damned fool thing you want. Just like the rest of us.
Except for me. I know the only reasonable choice of vehicle is an Alfa Romeo. The reason the rest of you don't own one is because you're all on the government's payroll.
Hey! Quit throwing rocks! I'm out here on the street, haven't set foot in your lawn!
Via Countercolumn.
Making the rounds: a woman recently died attempting to win a Nintendo Wii during a radio promotion. The cause? Water poisoning. Seems the trick was to see who went to the bathroom last. To make sure people finished in a radio-friendly time span, they were given increasingly large bottles of water to drink. Can you say, "massive liability lawsuit?" I knew you could.
Ron gets a no-prize that'll make Beavis and Butthead giggle themselves into a stupor over for bringing us the sad story of the "butt-printing" art teacher. I don't think I'd have a problem with his art projects, but a video of him producing same circulating on the internet would most likely make it impossible for him to teach. People always seem to take it that one step too far.
Hey, anyone who claims to represent "Beings from many parts of the universe that are connected to the planet Nibiru." can't be all bad, can they? I tried to read some of their articles, but then my head 'asploded. Reily Martin, eat your heart out.
Via Mondo Skepto.
Coin collectors in the peanut gallery may need to stock up on foil hats. It seems the Canadian government may be bugging their own money. The whole thing is so strange I suspect it just might be an elaborate hoax. Still, stranger things have happened. I think.
The recuperation of places and buildings that were once mosques or sacred Islamic sites is the primary method employed by Muslims to reconquer Al-Ándalus. So-called moderate Muslims are oftentimes more effective than extremists in gaining concessions because of their attempts to portray Western democracies as intolerant if those countries don’t cede to certain demands. This technique has been used repeatedly in the case of the Córdoba Cathedral.
Oriana Fallaci encountered something similar many years ago, and her reaction was instructive:
As to the sons of Allah that urinated on the Baptistery and defecated in San Salvatore al Vescovo, [the Italian Minister of the Foreign Affairs] quickly gave in to their demands. (The results as I have ascertained them are that the fathers and the mothers and the brothers and the sisters and uncles and aunts and cousins and pregnant sister-in-laws now live where they wanted to live). That is in Florence and other European cities. Therefore I changed my methods. I telephoned a likable policeman that is in charge of the office of internal security and I told him: “Dear officer, I am not a politician. When I say I will do something, I do it. Further, I am acquainted with war and I am knowledgeable of certain things. If by tomorrow the fucking tent is not down, I will burn it. I swear on my honor that I will burn it, not even a regiment of cops would be able to stop me, and for this I want to be arrested. Brought to jail in handcuffs. This will ensure that I end up on the front page of all the papers”. Well, being more intelligent than all the others, in a few hours he had the tent taken down...
And if that doesn't remind you of a certain co-author of this website well, you're just not paying attention.
Well, this is definitely one way to protest a tenure decision:
A professor who was denied tenure at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has vowed to start a hunger strike on February 5 outside the provost’s office.“I will either see the provost resign and my hard-earned tenure granted at MIT, or I will die defiantly right outside his office,” James L. Sherley, who teaches biological engineering, wrote in a letter to colleagues that he provided to Inside Higher Ed. While not commenting directly on Sherley’s claims, MIT issued a statement that he has been treated fairly.
The article seems to imply (correctly, IMO) that perhaps Dr. Sherley's stance on fetal stem cell research influenced the department's decision to deny him tenure. Tenure proceedings at all universities are famous for their Machiavellian politics in selection. Considering that, once granted, the person chosen for tenure is by definition going to be there for life, it does not seem completely unreasonable to me that the personality and views of a candidate are a real (if unacknowledged) consideration.
The fact that the guy is playing the race card and resorting to a stunt like this also implies that, in my opinion, he's an utterly unreasonable loon. I hope that MIT takes steps to ensure everyone's safety. My alma-mater U of Ark had a professor murdered by a rejected PhD candidate.
Via Econlog.
I don't know, man, personally I think damming yourself to hell should be worth more than a YouTube video and a DVD. Then again, being one of those people who believe in "the stuff spiritual", I probably would. Others, maybe not so much.
But hell, you'd think they'd at least send you a T-shirt or something.
This just in: Hitler was a self-hating Jew who helped found the state of Israel. Brought to you, of course, from the edifying insights of a close adviser to everyone's favorite loopy Persian, the president of Iran.
Via Yourish.
And in the, "what-happens-when-computer-lab-people-pull-a-night-shift" department, we have this extremely detailed and apparently completely serious essay on the injuries of Darth Vader. I found it interesting in spite of myself, but I only hide my nerd merit badge with difficulty. Others, probably not so much.
Fark linked up this collection of photos detailing various escalating efforts to dislodge a huge group of bees from (what one hopes is) a disused swing set in the back yard. Seems to me it would've been much simpler/safer to call animal control, or just wait until they went away. I can't help but think somewhere in the vicinity is a honey farmer wondering what the hell happened to one of his hives.
Now here's an unexpected Christmas tradition:
BARCELONA, Spain - The Virgin Mary. The three kings. A few wayward sheep. These are the figures one expects to find in a traditional Christmas nativity scene. Not a smartly dressed peasant squatting behind a rock with his rear-end exposed.
That's right. A baby Jesus, a manger, a few animals, some snotty tourists and smelly shepherds, and a squatting peasant. I mean, what's not to love?
No, Ron, you can't have one.
Or, at least in one case, that they were never told:
I saw pictures of masses of skeletons, even of kids. I heard horrifying accounts of some of the people who had survived the terror of Auschwitz and Sobibor. I told my half-sister all this and showed her the pictures in my history book. What she said was as awful as the information in my book.With great conviction, my half-sister cried: "It's a lie! Jews have a way of blinding people. They were not killed, gassed or massacred. But I pray to Allah that one day all the Jews in the world will be destroyed."
She was not saying anything new. As a child growing up in Saudi Arabia, I remember my teachers, my mom and our neighbors telling us practically on a daily basis that Jews are evil, the sworn enemies of Muslims, and that their only goal was to destroy Islam. We were never informed about the Holocaust.
And they're building a bomb. Tell me again about the "religion of peace"?
Sometimes electricity is your friend. Sometimes, not so much:
Every cable that was connected to the laptop, Ethernet, Firewire, Power, and USB, was forcibly shot out of each portal, and each portal covered with the black soot. Metal bits and electronic debris from the power cable hub and other cables was scattered around the room and some wires had split apart into copper shreds. Molten silver metal flecks are still lodged in the windowsill.
Of course, since this is the cable company we're talking about here, this person is now in tech support hell trying to get them to replace all the gear. Now that's what I call a class-A screwup!
Nina gets a no prize she definitely didn't leave there for bringing us yet another case of a giant snake found in a toilet. See, years ago when we first linked up a story like this, I said it'd be a great way to become single. Nowadays, it'd be all I could do to keep her from adopting the dratted thing.
The Grammas, well now, that would be a different matter.
All does not appear to be well in aging evangelist Billy Graham's world:
[A memorial "library"] designed in part by consultants who used to work for the Walt Disney Co., is not a library, [crime novelist Patricia Cornwell] says, but a large barn and silo -- a reminder of Billy Graham's early childhood on a dairy farm near Charlotte. Once it's completed in the spring, visitors will pass through a 40-foot-high glass entry cut in the shape of a cross and be greeted by a mechanical talking cow. They will follow a path of straw through rooms full of multimedia exhibits. At the end of the tour, they will be pointed toward a stone walk, also in the shape of a cross, that leads to a garden where the bodies of Billy and Ruth Graham could lie.
Not surprisingly, at least to me anyway, some of the Graham family appear to have a problem with the whole talking-cows-as-recruiting-tools" angle, hence the controversy. I mean, didn't Chick-fil-a patent that whole thing decades ago?
Don't blame the environment, blame the food:
Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.
I kept waiting for him to say, "impurify all of our precious bodily fluids." But, sadly, he did not. Came pretty close though.
Joshua gets an incomprehensible but strangely entertaining no-prize for bringing us the trailer for the upcoming David Lynch movie, Inland Empire. As long as I can get beyond the whole, "I'm just making this movie to screw with your head, not tell you a story" angle, I tend to enjoy Lynch's stuff. Well, except for the talking cockroach behinds anyway. But 3 hours? Just don't know about that.
Sure, why not let these people have nukes:
Iran on Monday hosted a conference gathering prominent Holocaust deniers that it said would examine whether the World War II genocide of Jews took place, drawing condemnation from Israel and Germany.
I mean, what could possibly go wrong? Don't be hatin'!
While I'd heard of several people on this list, there were definitely a few new ones. Who knew that Jesus was a Japanese politician?
MEMRI has translated this TV segment with a Saudi chief executioner. Includes efficient-sword goodness, but (thankfully) no actual beheadings. Not to be missed: the extremely surreal "Today-show-like" give and take interview at the end of the clip.
Some people are taking this whole "constantly connected" thing way too far. I can just see it now... "This movie is about to start. Please be courteous and turn your ass off."
Ever wonder what it looks like when someone actually lands one of those monster catfish? Wonder no more. I can't believe anyone would be crazy enough to stick their hand in the mouth of something that big, but the thing didn't seem to fight it much, so maybe it's not all that dangerous after all. Doesn't mean I'm going to do it!
I guess Muslims the world over will be glad to know that stunning an animal before its throat is cut does not affect how it bleeds out. I'd probably have a much higher moral ground from which to disapprove if I were a vegetarian, but hell I eat meat like most folks and I know the "stun-and-cut" method is probably similar if not identical to industrial meat preparation techniques. Helpful people who wish to provide links to edify me on this are advised to just hold off. On this, I'm OK being wrong.
Hell at least they're killing them for a higher purpose. All I want is a burger.
MMmm... burgers...
Remember folks, monkeys are not pets, they're wild animals. The number of people who do not know or refuse to admit this astound me.
What is this, 1962 all over again?
A former Russian premier was poisoned in Ireland the day after Alexander Litvinenko was killed by radiation, it was claimed last night.The pro-Western Yegor Gaidar was close to death after the poisoning but has since improved and is now under guard in a Moscow clinic.
I mean, come on people, what the hell is going on here?
SANTIAGO, Chile - A boy has been born with a fetus in his stomach in what doctors said was a rare case of "fetus in fetu" in which one twin becomes trapped inside another during pregnancy and continues to grow.
For once I'm glad this one comes without pictures.
White buffalo, meet white lightning. And in this case I mean the bad kind.
A soul, anyone? Why the dedicated atheists in the peanut gallery (you know who you are) didn't think this one up to finance a few high-dollar purchases I'll never know.
Ron gets a once-hot, now-creepy no-prize for bringing us the latest on everyone's favorite lusty 80s music video star. Every guy I knew understood Tawny Kitaen was out of her mind the minute they saw her. The sort of crazy that convinces you to empty your checking account so she can go with her girlfriends for a weekend at Cabo. We all wanted her just the same.
Men are stupid.
Pay attention folks, in about an hour someone important's going to die. Well, an hour plus forty three years. Kinda bizarre to me to think that this event will be nothing but pictures in a book to Olivia. Clocks may be stopped, but time does seem to march on.
Of all the things I expected to see around work when I got back from lunch, one not on the list was a great big steaming pile of (what I hope is dog) poo. No, really. It's stinking up the whole place right now. I'd like to think someone's assist dog had themselves an accident, but around here anything's possible.
Just when I thought the day couldn't get any more surreal...
Normally one would think spontaneous orgasms would be kinda fun. However, it's probably like that disease which causes men to have permanent stiffies. By what I've read, neither one is any damned fun at all.
Making the rounds: only 1% of web sites are dedicated to porn. Yeah, well, they're sure a really noisy 1%, I'll tell ya that.
Spam, meanwhile, now seems to be making up 99.58% of e-mail. At least, that's the percentage our network's spam filter snags nowadays (four months ago it was only 60%).
No, really, when deer attack:
A deer being kept in a pen attacked and killed his owner Sunday, state police said.The buck that killed Ronald Donah, 43, was among about a half dozen deer penned up on his property in Ellenburg, about 180 miles north of Albany, said state Trooper Joseph House.
Who says rednecks only live in the South?
The below-linked article about an MoD official got me to thinking about the only "big" UFO event I can personally remember, so I went and did a little research on the Rendlesham Forest Incident. I seem to remember the Today show ran the audio tape mentioned in the article, but thought it was much earlier than 1984. No matter, it would seem the event has been pretty thoroughly explained as weird weather combining with a lighthouse to scare the beezejus out of some American servicemen.
Say what you will about Rumsfeld et. al., at least he wasn't worrying about aliens:
UFO sightings and alien visitors tend to be solely the reserve of sci-fi movies.So when a former MoD chief warns that the country could be attacked by extraterrestrials at any time, you may be forgiven for feeling a little alarmed.
Just because the guy once held high office doesn't mean he's not a complete nutter. The ultimate truth is, if an alien society builds a technology base capable of interstellar flight, it will ipso facto have a technology base capable of slapping us around like the uppity chimps we really are. Seeing it coming will just mean we get to party before they arrive.
"Insert obligatory Simpsons 'I, for one' reference quote here..."
Remember that infomercial on Oxycise? Ya know, the one you can lose weight by just breathing?
Here is a video clip on what it is really like.
This time with film-clip goodness!
See mom! There are worse things than holding a firecracker in your hand!
Duct tape, the stuff of uncounted uses, actually can't cure warts. Hey, at least it wasn't my tax dollars at work!
Note to self: If Olivia ever gets behind the wheel of the Spider when she's learning to drive, make sure she knows to put the thing in neutral before starting it. Yeah, a Shelby is a lot more expensive than our Spider, but at (by then) nearly 50 years of age, the Spider's parts will mostly be made out of "unobtanium".
Looks like nobody got hurt. Well, at least at first anyway.
Someone should make a movie about this. Reeks of urban legend, but a guy on Fark actually lives in that town and says the story's all over the local papers. SpOoKy!
Surprisingly, a hockey play is not number one in this video list of the "top ten dirty plays". Sorry, Ron, no Eagles moments.
Fark linked up this surprising picture found via Google maps. It's weird looking enough to me that I had to check twice to make sure it wasn't some sort of hoax. Looks like it's coming from Google to me. Bizarre...
Democrats gain a majority, and what happens? Put them behind the wheel and the first thing they'll do is try to run over the guy in front of them.
Personally I think this is a bit of right-wing twitching, but hell I thought all the left-wing twitching was over-wrought when all the right-wing loonies started baying for Clinton's hide back in '92. Look how well that turned out.
Me, I'm all for it. Getting in touch with your inner fringe for that warm n' fuzzy lunacy is what poked a hole in the current majority's balloon, and they've been sinking ever since. If the first action the other side takes is to shove a stick through their's, all the better.
Means we don't have to rise as high to pass them after we patch ours.
Fark (of course) linked up yet another example of just how manic the Japanese can get:
Imagine something like "Rocky 3" with sex.The magazine provides a written account, accompanied by plenty of nude photos, of four women who enrolled in the three-week summer session --- veteran sex workers at pink salons, soaplands and other businesses. Their jobs were clearly starting to take a physical and mental toll on them, and they were worried that unless they took drastic remedial measures, they'd wind up slack, listless and wrinkled --- prematurely worn-out old bags.
At the demanding three-week camp, the four undergo no-nonsense discipline by their tough male drill instructor, Mr. Nonomura, who aims to whip them back into top shape.
Oh it gets even weirder from there. No, really!
Having solved all other problems:
The United States has slapped a ban on Vegemite, outraging Australian expatriates there.The bizarre crackdown was prompted because Vegemite contains folate, which in the US can be added only to breads and cereals.
Now, I've never tried the stuff myself, but from everything I've read or heard vegemite is an... acquired taste. However, I have it on good authority that the stuff is reasonably popular in Australia. One would think that, if it really were all that dangerous, we would have more reports of, say, two headed Australian babies and whatnot.
Welcome to technocratic regulation at its finest! Coming soon to a Congress near you!
Thing is, this is most likely weird enough to stand on its own:
A leaping stingray stabbed an 81-year-old Florida boater in the chest, authorities said Wednesday, leaving its poisonous stinger lodged close to his heart in an incident recalling the one that killed Australian TV naturalist Steve Irwin last month.
Leapin' stingrays!
You just can't make this stuff up.
Actually, there might be a bright side to this:
O.J. Simpson is confessing. Hypothetically, that is.The former football great, who was acquitted in criminal court 11 years ago of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman, reportedly has been paid a whopping $3.5 million to write about the double murder that shocked and riveted the nation in 1994, according to a detailed report in the new National Enquirer.
The silver lining? Assuming he doesn't back down and pull the plug on the project over the uproar, Ron Goldman will be the one getting all the profits. Well, I hope.
Maybe there isn't a bright side after all.
Tamara gets a psychotically misguided no-prize for bringing us this story of a redneck gone wrong:
A Little Rock man was arrested after he allegedly shot at a motorist with a crossbow after police say the motorist made an obscene gesture at the man.
Why yes, Virginia, alcohol was involved. Clever girl!
"AMCLTD," we hear you ask, "I'm fed up with my wife, my children monopolize the computer, mistresses cost too much, and prostitutes are too dangerous. But me so horny! What am I to do?"
Fear not, friendly pervert, AMCGLTD is here to help! Presenting The Doll Experience Room, where for a mere $26 per hour you too can experience the joys of plastic love. The article states these are cheap inflatable companions, but a careful read indicates they are in fact the Caddilac of toys, the ever-so-creepy "real doll". The authorities might decide this is illegal on sheer gross-out grounds, so don't delay! The nut you bust could be your own!
Even I think this is a bit much just to get a 360 view. Then again, it's most likely a prototype. Being able to just turn my head to see things in a gaming environment would be beyond cool, so if they miniaturize it I'd sure be interested.
The environmental movement exaggerating something? Oh I simply don't believe it:
Leading toxicologists have warned green groups are "misleading" the public with chemical contamination campaigns.They said they are deliberately and unfairly scaring the public.
In particular, they criticised a WWF campaign that has highlighted the presence of chemicals in blood, food and in babies' umbilical cords.
And why are we suddenly getting these notices?
The researchers said the chemicals were being found in trace amounts because of advances in detection techniques that could uncover substances at ever smaller concentrations.
Just like if you take a big enough dose of anything it's poison, if you look hard enough you'll probably find trace amounts of anything everywhere.
Two words: bile farms. I wonder if anyone's really done a study to see just how many rare and exotic species have been driven to the brink of extinction just to keep some old Chinaman's wang stiff?
Those clever Norwegians are (apparently) at it again, this time with the creation of "animal bordellos":
On the Internet Danish animal owners advertise openly that they offer sex with animals, without intervention from police or other authorities, Danish newspaper 24timer reports.In correspondence with the animal owners, the newspaper was told that the animals involved have many years of experience and that the animals themselves wanted sex. The cost to the client varied from DKK 500-1,000 (USD 85-170).
Well, it's probably for the best that I haven't seen this. *SHUDDER*
The discovery of radioactive snails at a site in southeastern Spain where three U.S. hydrogen bombs fell by accident 40 years ago may trigger a new joint U.S.-Spanish clean-up operation, officials said on Wednesday.
We lost more than a few H-bombs during the hieght of the cold war. Most were recovered, but others fell in places that made them nearly impossible to find. I guess this is a good thing, since it may help find a few more, but if one of those snails meows I'm outta here.
There were dozens of jokes I spun up when I first read about the lady trying to un-adopt her own child, but then I RTFA, and suddenly it doesn't seem all that funny. Sad and weird, but not funny.
It's hard to know where to start with this one:
A U.S. tourist who told airport inspectors that dynamite in his bags was a souvenir from South America has been charged with breaking two security laws and could face up to 10 years in prison and steep fines.
So I guess some people really do answer those questions at the ticket counter truthfully. And look what happens!
I'm sure the fundies are gonna love this:
Scientists are planning to create a "frankenrabbit" by fusing together human cells with a rabbit egg.It is hoped the "chimeric" embryos, which would be 99.9 per cent human and 0.1 per cent rabbit, could lead to breakthroughs in stem cell research which could one day cure diseases such as Alzheimer's or spinal cord injury.
From the article, it looks like they're mostly interested in researching techniques to harvest stem cells, with no real goal to do anything with them if they're successful. The idea would seem to be akin to learning anatomy by studying cheap things like frogs and pigs, and then practicing what you've learned on far more expensive things like chimps or people.
You'd think after the first guy went off, they'd put a flag up or something. Then again, considering how looney European rally races are, and that the next car was probably going even faster than the first, I wouldn't want to be the guy who had to wave it.
No idea if these guys were OK or not, but I've seen people walk away from worse. Can't think of a better example of why real race cars use real roll cages, and why people who try to race real street cars on real streets are homicidal maniacs.
Pat gets one scary no-prize for bringing us this harrowing account of a journalist who survived a mid-air collision between a business jet and a 737. And he was in the business jet. The article includes a picture of the damage to the plane the author was riding. Unfortunately the 737 crashed with all aboard killed.
Spooky.
Latest craze in automotive widgetry? Telematics. According to the article, it's all about getting your car to connect to other cars, various emergency and information services, and even a dealership or repair service so that (presumably) all the information it knows about itself can be transmitted to relevant parties, and all the information the outside world knows that may be of interest to you can end up in your car.
While a simple and nifty enough concept, the execution has some mind-boggling complexities to deal with, not the least of which is just how it all takes place. The service is also very expensive right now, acting as a brake on widespread adoption.
Which doesn't mean it's all just going to go away. Far from it. Which is why I'm hanging on to my ancient Alfa. Can't wait to see the look on some punk road hacker's face when he points his jac-u-matic 2000 at it and I just smile.
Well, as soon as I fix the oil leak, anyway.
You knew it was only a matter of time before Rep. Foley's chat transcripts showed up. I only got about 1/3rd of the way through before it exceeded my skeeve factor. YMMV, but even the article warns about NSFW language.
You'd think by now they'd figure out it's a bad idea to fondle the help. If the president can't get away with it, how can they?
Hey, if it's from PETA, it's got to be rational, level-headed, and appropriate, right?
Right?
New York City health officials are seeking to ban the use of "trans fat" in the city's 24,000 restaraunts:
The city’s health department proposed a new health code on Wednesday that, if implemented, would give restaurants six months to switch to oils, margarines and shortening that have less than 0.5 grams of trans fat per serving. In effect, restaurants would then have until 1 July 2008 to ensure that everything on their menu has less than 0.5 grams of trans fat, per serving.
Paternalistic policy-making at its finest. "You don't know what's good for you! We do! Obey!"
Just because it's supposed to be for our own good doesn't make the whip crack any softer.
Looks goth, dances techno. A kind of bizarre light beer, if you will. Just about as tasty. I wonder if bleach works on ears?
Couples in Amsterdam are writing out their dreams of passion for the chance to spend a night in a small car fitted with a bed and hoisted up on poles.For a free overnight stay, couples must write to the Italian artist who converted the hatchback, and explain their romantic intentions -- ranging from marriage proposals to re-enactments of teenaged backseat fumblings.
My luck, the damned door would open at the just the wrong time. Explain that one to the emergency room!
Having solved all other problems and put all other bad guys in jail, the state of California is now turning its sites on car companies. Again:
California sued six of the world's largest automakers over global warming Wednesday, charging that greenhouse gases from their vehicles have caused billions of dollars in damages.The lawsuit is the first of its kind to seek to hold manufacturers liable for the damages caused by their vehicles' emissions, state Attorney General Bill Lockyer said.
Only those on the extreme left side of the peanut gallery will be surprised to find out Mr. Lockyer is running for election this year. Scariest of all is that he's not doing it just to please himself. Apparently at least some citizens of the People's Republic of California will be happy enough with this to vote for the guy.
The mind boggles.
The world's most photographed nation appears set to add "and the most yelled at" to their title:
Street offenders on Teesside are being shamed by "talking" CCTV cameras.Seven cameras in Middlesbrough town centre have a facility, which allows operators to bark orders at those involved in anti-social behaviour.
Of course, if they don't follow it up with cops or something, I'd imagine all that would happen was a rude gesture or two.
And now for something completely different. And I do mean different. Safe for work, but very different.
Everyone's favorite trashy Texan just became a lot more human, and a lot more tragic:
What should be a time of celebration for Anna Nicole Smith has turned into a time of mourning.The former Playboy Playmate's 20-year-old son died in a Nassau hospital Sunday, three days after Smith gave birth to a healthy baby girl in the Bahamas.
Never been that much of a fan, but still...
I've heard of long-distance on-line romances before, but this is ridiculous:
A teenager who flew to the Middle East to be with a man she met on the social network site MySpace.com has detailed her online romance and the fallout her trip caused in Seventeen magazine.
Ok, that's it. I'm going to lock Olivia up in a room and not let her out again until she's 21. Make that 30.
Yeah right...
Hey, at least they were practicing safe... rrmmm... something:
A photo that accompanied a newspaper obituary apparently led to an attempt last weekend to dig up the grave of a 20-year-old woman who was killed in a motorcycle accident Aug. 27, authorities said Tuesday.
Crystal meth's a bitch, ain't it boys?
Pat gets a myserious no-prize for bringing us reaction to the tale of Natascha Kampusch, an Austrian girl who claims to have been held captive by a stranger for eight years.
I hadn't heard of this at all until I read this Washington Post story this morning, which seems to summarize things well enough. The whole thing is a little too neat, in my opinion. It sounds like some lurid '70s kidnap novel, complete with a climactic suicide of the bad guy at the end. Still, one would think the police would have lots of evidence in hand to legitimize the whole thing. Or not.
Very, very strange.
Many people have experienced the phenomenon of receiving a telephone call from someone shortly after thinking about them. Now a scientist says he has proof of what he calls telephone telepathy.Rupert Sheldrake, whose research is funded by the respected Trinity College in Cambridge, England, said on Tuesday he has conducted experiments that proved such precognition exists for telephone calls and even e-mails.
I still don't buy it, but the guy seems to be dotting all his i's and crossing all his t's by doing falsifiable research. I hate the phone, so there's no psychic involvement for me... if the phone rings, I already know I don't want to answer it.
Via Siflay, who already knew we were going to link it.
Personally, I take a strange sort of comfort in this:
The global debate between scientists and conservative Christians over evolution has hit Kenya, where an exhibit of one of the world's finest collections of early hominid fossils is under threat.As the famed National Museum of Kenya (NMK) prepares to re-open next year after massive EU-funded renovations, evangelicals are demanding the display be removed or at least shunted to a less prominent location.
Hey, at least now I know America doesn't own all the Christian fundie wackos in the world! We spread it around!
A priest has died after trying to demonstrate how Jesus walked on water.
...
"He walked into the water, which soon passed over his head and he never came back."
Hey, at least he didn't take his whole congregation with him!
Well, at least he doesn't have to worry about Kieth stealing it:
To help him get through his grueling live performances, Mick Jagger has an oxygen tank backstage. At 63, the Rolling Stones lead singer struggles to keep his energy levels up for an entire two-hour performance, so when guitarist Keith Richards plays his two solo songs, Mick goes backstage and straps on an oxygen mask.
Because, as we all know, Keith's been dead for about fifteen years now. He looks like they keep him in a shipping trunk between tour stops.
Something tells me inveterate coin collector Mark won't be eagerly seeking to add this one to his vault:
It's truly unique, created using two distinct struck pieces. First, the base is struck with gleaming buildings on a frosted background. Then the inset of the Twin Towers is magnificently engraved and fitted into the skyline on the face of the commemorative with jeweler precision, able to rise up into a breathtaking standing sculpture. The effect is dazzling - it is literally transformed into a standing sculpture of the Twin Towers!
Things like this have been bashed out by opportunistic entrepenuers throughout history*, no reason to think it'd stop now. However much we'd like it to.
-----
* Several famous ancient Greek temple statues are known to us only through the small votive representations sold to help support the temple. The originals are long since gone, but people simply tossed the tacky statuette their Auntie Blopherous bought them last year in the trash. Two thousand years later the same trash is used to make an Archeological post-grad's career. Think about that one the next time you pass a kiosk filled with tiny Eiffel Towers or Empire State Buildings!
Ron gets a no-prize dressed in a fake black-and-gold uniform for bringing us an example of how clever some people can be when they find out how stupid other people can be:
A man charged with impersonating Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger to get dates was accused of stealing $3,200 from a different woman by telling her he was another player on the team, tight end Jerame Tuman.Brian Jackson was charged with theft by deception for borrowing the money and not repaying it. The woman lent the money to the 32-year-old Jackson because she believed he was Tuman, District Attorney Stephen Zappala Jr. said.
The next step for creeps like this is to start threatening to kill themselves if they don't get what they want. Ellen had a guy try to manipulate her like this a very long time ago. Her reaction was, if you've hung around here all that long, not surprising.
She has appeared on a grilled cheese. Then, a highway underpass.Now, behold, the Virgin Mary has descended upon the belly of a Burbank pet turtle.
Read article here. Picture of the turtle can be seen right here.
Hard to believe anyone got out of this alive, but if the news report is to be believed everyone walked away. Scary stuff when a multi-ton machine looks like a leaf in the wind. Didn't look like a tail rotor failure, but what the hell do I know?
This is actually a problem somewhere:
Striptease send-offs at funerals may become a thing of the past in east China after five people were arrested for organizing the intimate farewells, state media reported on Wednesday.Police swooped last week after two groups of strippers gave "obscene performances" at a farmer's funeral in Donghai County, Jiangsu province, Xinhua news agency said.
Boy that'll liven up the old wake in a hurry, won't it?
Fark linked up this extra-freaky article-with-picture about gigantic yellow jacket nests being found in Alabama. Ok, if you see one of these, then see this big bunch of egg things next to it, do not walk up and peer down into an egg. If you do, I'm not going to lunch with you tomorrow, mmkay?
I think we may have linked this up before, but this novel method of attaching clothing is definitely worth a second look. At least to readers of this website.
You sick puppies you!
When we first moved to the DC area (well, back then it was just me, but Ellen joined me just less than a year later) we didn't exactly live in a bad neighborhood, but, since we were on the top floor of a high-rise, we could see them all around us. There were lots of mysterious sirens most nights, and one memorable occasion when it seemed the entire Arlington police department was raiding the garden-style across the street, but we never saw anything like this.
Via Siflay, who also linked up this OCD-afflicted cat.
Users of Apple notebooks can no longer sniff at exploding Dells:
Of course, combustible materials, poorly designed wire stress management and fragile insulation isn't alone enough to start a fire. What makes this so dangerous is the fact that the Apple power adapters do not integrate sufficient short circuit protection on the DC side. This means, when the wires touch or nearly touch, they will arc and generate a spark - not once, but again and again, as long as the adapter remains plugged into electricity. And because it happens on the DC side, it does not trigger any circuit breakers, household fuses or GFCI outlets.
This from a guy who had his Apple's power adapter sizzle and fry right in front of him. So far Apple seems to have done nothing, but since I found this on Slashdot, something tells me a fire lit under Apple's butt will most likely follow.
Well, tortoises anyway:
A trail of droppings led Kenyan airport staff to 228 live tortoises packed as “shells” and destined for Thailand, officials said on Thursday.
Good ol' leopard spotted ones, just like Om. Except these seem to be about softball-sized (right now Om is sorta lime-sized). Considering the destination, something tells me they weren't going into the pet market, so hooray for the inspectors!
No, Ellen, you already have one!
No, really, when turtles attack:
A graduate student from the University of Central Florida is missing after he was pulled underwater by a large sea turtle, according to Local 6 News.
See, Ellen? There's a reason you can't have one!
We have, well, this:
Imagine your body pocked by erupting sores. The sensation of little bugs crawling all over you. And worst of all, mysterious red and blue fibres sprouting from your skin.It may sound like a macabre science fiction movie, but a growing legion of Americans say they suffer from this condition. And now the United States Centres for Disease Control and Prevention is investigating.
Personally, sounds to me like a bunch of wacks have latched on to the latest "craze" in fad medicine. But maybe not...
Does your skin itch at night?
Pat gets a no-prize that's listening for bringing us news of a most peculiar wire tapping case:
Scotland Yard has pounced on three men, including the royal editor of a leading London tabloid, over suspicions that telephones in Prince Charles's household have been bugged.
And all this time I thought it was governments who spied on their people.
Having solved all other problems, Argentina seems to be determined to dredge up some old ones:
It seems an unlikely scrap of land to squabble over. Treeless, remote, and blasted by the full fury of the South Atlantic, the Falkland Islands are home to less than 3,000 people, and thrilling only to those who love nature, big winds, and spectacular isolation.But Britain and Argentina considered the archipelago important enough to fight over in 1982. And suddenly, unobtrusively, a new row is simmering over the British-owned outcrop, known universally in South America as Las Malvinas.
I don't think I ever will understand the Latin personality.
Via Siflay.
There's bound to be a better word to describe this, but cigarette smoke blowing through the nose is as close as I can get. If you look hard enough, you'll find someone who thinks anything is cool. Site is SFW as far as I could tell, but I didn't troll through the whole thing.
Dad always told me to always stand beside or behind someone firing a gun. I didn't realize the same thing could apply to people driving cars:
Police say a 15-year-old girl in New Jersey accidentally struck and killed her mother while being taught how to parallel park.
More than thirty years later my mom still harps on about my learner's permit days. To think I could've taken care of it all with just a parking lesson.
Oh stop it. It's a joke. Anyone? Anyone? Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week, be sure to tip your waiter!
Obese face greater risks from heat wave
Ya think?
Yes folks, they really think this is news. Sometimes I think all it takes to get AP to run it is a press release and a fax machine.
For even more proof that if it doesn't happen in New York, DC, or LA, it doesn't matter, we have a serial killer whom I only heard about after his apparent arrest. This guy they think killed at least six people and shot dozens more, yet no national hyperventilation like we got with Malvo et. al.
Pack mentality? Our media?
Sometimes you just can't make this stuff up:
"Let's listen to a very beautiful story to learn about the courage of a child, and how, when a child is brought up in a good home, and receives proper education in faith, he loves martyrdom, which becomes like an instinct for him. He can never give it up," Sheik Muhammad Nassar told children on the program, which aired on the Al-Nas [Egyptian] television channel.
...
On a previous broadcast on Egyptian television in 2002, a three and a half year-old girl was asked to describe Jews. "They are apes and pigs… our God said so," was her reply. The girl's answer was enthusiastically received by the program's host. "Allah be praised. May our God bless her. No one could wish for a more devout girl. May God bless her and her parents," the host said.
My only hope is this is some obscure weirdo religious channel that nobody really watches. Something tells me that hope is a bit of a long shot.
Personally, I think "yoni" sounds like some kind of squash. But what do I know? I'm not completely sure what a "charka" is either, but it's probably up to no good.
I suppose if you try hard enough, there's a market for anything:
At a scorching two bucks a liter this water already takes more from your pocket than the cost of the gas you put in your car.So perhaps times are ripe for purified ice cubes.
Hey now, these are Canadians... they know ice!
At first, this description of the Chinese creating a 450 x 350 km "scale model" of some real-estate in India is kinda weird. Then, when you start thinking about why anyone would want to create a gigantic scale model of disputed real-estate in someone else's back yard, well, things take a rather sinister turn.
There's a reason India has gotten a whole lot friendlier to us lately, and it got nothin' to do with Appu and the Kwik-e-mart.
For another entry in the "convince-everyone-to-send-me-a-buck-get-rich-quick" file, we have Alex's "American Dream" fund, wherein someone (presumably Alex) is trying to raise money for a gold-and-diamond "grill". I'm so old-school I kept wondering why the hell anyone would want to put gold and diamonds on their cookout gear and what exactly did it have to do with teeth anyway? Then I re-read it. And then I re-read it again. Which was then followed by the ol' lightbulb over the head slowly sputtering to life.
No, Ellen, you can't have one.
There's sports, and then there's sports:
In what must surely be one of the summer's more bizarre events, hundreds of people are expected to gather in a hall in central London on August 5 to pleasure themselves in aid of charity.
But wait, there's more:
Prizes will be on offer for those who clock up the most orgasms and those who can masturbate the longest - the current record, according to the organisers, is a chafing eight-and-a-half hours.To qualify for the record, the organisers say "at least 55 minutes of every hour shall be spent self-pleasuring by manual or sex toy stimulation" with participants getting just five minutes to "replenish and renew".
Now that, my friends, is some serious wanking.
Fark linked up an article that graphically describes why Ellen can't have a wild cat sanctuary:
Captive wolves used for hybrid breeding may have eaten their owner in Pennsylvania, NBC Pittsburgh station WPXI reported.
And yes, she actually needs reasons. Welcome to my world...
Okay, considering that I'm blog-sitting a site that has cats as a major subject, along with oddity, I figured I'd do a quick search on "sweater kittens" (figuring that this might be especially appropriate considering recent events). The first link is a YouTube video.
I'm not quite sure this was what I was looking for, but it's what I'm linking.
Just check it out.
Lovely Las Cruces, NM experienced a lack of power due to a bird dropping a large snake on their powerline, causing it to short out. Too bad it didn't happen before NMSU finals and all - at least students could have used the excuse as to why their papers were late.
Odd thing is this is another problem in a town I've visited that occurred at some point after my visit (Boston story below, visited these guys almost 10 years ago). Makes me wonder who's next...
As a semi-frequent traveller to Boston, this piece caught my attention. Especially since I've driven through this exact tunnel on more than one occasion. Unfortunately, a woman was killed and her husband only escaped by climbing out through the crushed driver's side door. When I've talked to the natives, they're not particularly happy with the project - seems that it's completely screwed up traffic for so long that it's hated (and now it's already insufficient for the traffic flow). On top of that, once the tunnel was opened, they immediately started tearing down the detour roads, so something like this could really put major chunks of the city in a bind. Maybe I'll postpone my next trip up there...
I'm genuinely surprised my mom hasn't managed this one yet:
A Chicago man is lucky to be alive after a bizarre accident. He ran himself over with his own car.With picture!
Note to self: playing with power lines = bad:
Hundreds of people have flocked to a hospital in the Indian city of Calcutta to see a man holding a sizeable chunk of his head in his hands.Doctors say a section of electrician Sambhu Roy's skull fell off on Sunday, months after he suffered severe burns.
Story comes complete with grizly-weird pictures.
Headline says it all: Teen Who Cut Off Corpse's Head To Make Bong Sentenced
Now ain't that one to make a family proud?
Owner Dougie Freeman installed a stripper pole at West End Salon & Spa on Sunday for “Dancing for Discounts,” a summer promotion offering appealing prices for customers who dance at the pole.
Thats a lot of little old ladies looking for a discount.
I think the axiom "everything tastes better fried" is gonna get a workout from this:
If Morio Sase has his way, hungry teenagers around the world will soon be snacking on something more exotic than McDonald's hamburgers: takoyaki, or octopus dumplings.
Bah... if people eat sushi, they'll eat anything. Olivia will probably want hers dipped in ketchup. Or Diet Coke. No, really!
Fark linked up this wild video of starlings "favoring" a tree which isn't really equipped for it. The only way you'd get me to stand that close to that many of them is by giving me an umbrella.
No, Ellen, you can't have one. Site is just barely safe for work, at least that page is anyway.
Turns out rubbers, of a sort, actually had been invented:
The oldest surviving condom in the world has gone on display in an Austrian museum.The reusable condom dates back to 1640 and is completely intact, as is its orginal users' manual, written in Latin.
I think we may have linked this up before, but if we did I know it didn't have a picture like this article does.
There's parks, and then there's parks. Olivia loves parks, but I think the one with the giant rat in it might give her pause.
Do you know where your loved ones are? Because they might be dead:
Over-excitement during World Cup games has been blamed for the deaths of at least three fans in China and one man broke several bones when he fell from a Hong Kong balcony, the Shanghai Daily reported on Wednesday.
I'd make fun of Ron, but on a recent visit to their house I discovered Amber's just as bad.
Somehow I don't think they'll taste like chicken:
Banner-wielding animal rights protesters swarmed into a restaurant on Lianhua Road in Buji Subdistrict serving cat meat and forced it to shut down, Xinhua reported yesterday.The 100 or so demonstrators, including women and children, held up banners reading "cats and dogs are friends of human beings" as they entered the Fangji Cat Meatball restaurant and demanded the owner free any live cats on the premises, Xinhua said.
Now that's-a spicey... oh nevermind.
Hornet as big as your palm, anyone? Site includes a risque but relatively SFW advert.
Probably some Amazonian monster. *shudder*
What is wrong with kids today:
Move over Budweiser. College life isn't just about drinking beer.In a rare instance, Apple Computer Inc.'s iconic iPod music player surpassed beer drinking as the most "in" thing among undergraduate college students, according to the latest biannual market research study by Ridgewood, N.J.-based Student Monitor.
Ron complaining about how beer tastes bad* in 3... 2... 1...
----
* Thinks beer tastes bad, soccer is a real game, carries his pets up and down stairs, married Amber... it's not that I question his taste, more like his sanity**.
** It's a joke Amber. You know, ha-ha? No, wait... put the skillet down! Ididn'tmeantoimplyany--*CLONG*
@#$&*(@
NO CARRIER
Fark linked up this morphing video montage of Michael Jackson's face through time. Hey, he said himself he's only had a little bit of nose work. I saw it, he said it with a straight face and everything, so it must be true!
Pat Robertson: religious nutball, presidential also-ran, carnival side-show freak:
Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson says it is the God's honest truth — he did, indeed, once leg-press a ton when he was almost 73 and had prostate cancer, and he still regularly lifts up to 1,200 pounds with his legs.
Got a picture and everything, but details in the article reveal it isn't quite the he-man stunt the headline makes it out to be.
If you have ~ 1 hour to kill and don't have access to cable or DVD, it would appear a full version of the movie Freaks is now available on-line. At least until whoever owns the thing catches up with it and drops some DMCA goodness on them. Web piracy... it's a good thing.
Robert H. gets a no-prize that'll fall from the sky for bringing us this meteor impact animation. The narraration is in Japanese, but from what I could gather from the visuals it looks to simulate what would happen if the impact that formed the moon happened today.
The results are pretty much what you'd expect from something the size of Mars hitting the Earth, but it's pretty wild to actually see it.
Because if this was 1971, he'd probably get his wish. As it is now, not so much:
A man serving a life sentence for the murder of his wife is asking a federal judge to order the state to pay for a sex change operation for him, saying that denying him the surgery amounts to cruel and unusual punishment.
Yeah, no... think we'll hafta pass on this one. Nice knowing ya. Well, ok, probably not.
"Paris Hilton Plans Reggae, Hip-Hop Album"
I'd like to think it couldn't be any worse than, say, Bill Shatner's efforts, but that might tempt fate to prove me wrong. Another problem: our satellite radio subscription may make us more likely to accidentally hear some of it.
The horror!
Folks fascinated by mortuary sciences in the audience (you know who you are) should find this website dedicated to embalming of interest.
Hey, if prostitutes can have their own political party, why not perverts:
Dutch pedophiles are launching a political party to push for a cut in the legal age for sexual relations to 12 from 16 and the legalization of child pornography and sex with animals, sparking widespread outrage.
You know, sometimes the whole "morality is relative" movement takes their ball and runs right through tolerance and out the other side of "what the hell is wrong with you?!?" This, to me at least, is most definitely one of those cases.
Why debate the existence of absolute evil when there is so much of the banal stuff just lying around?
All those times I complained about how cold our community's pool is? I take them all back:
A Nepalese sherpa stripped and stood naked on the summit of Everest in sub-zero temperatures for three minutes, sparking an immediate row today over defiling the sacred mountain.
Completely unaddressed is why he did it?
Pat gets a no-prize that should've been dead years ago for bringing us news of another high-concept boomer self-love-fest, yet another Bob Dylan biopic project, this time with a twist:
Cate Blanchett will play Bob Dylan in his "androgenous phase" in a new biopic of the great poet-songwriter's life, it was announced, as Dylan turned 65.
As far as I'm concerned, decades of swilling various kinds of booze down his throat long ago kept Bob Dylan from any sort of resemblance to a singer. Yet through his admittedly talented song writing and some sort of bizzarre synergy between various media elites who came of age during his heyday, we're made to feel we should still care about this old weirdo.
He's a musician. He wrote some really good songs. He was a mediocre singer at the best of times, and at his worst a sad joke. Like many musicians I've personally encountered, he seems to have a special-intensity weirdness that's just coherent enough to keep him out of the hospital. He's also rich as Roosevelt.
But that's it. Not a God, not a scion of Western civilization, not even someone to pay big bucks to go see. He can't sing anymore!
Bah. As if it'll make any difference. Go on and see the movie and play his records and put his picture on the wall. It's you're money, do what you want with it.
Excuse me, there's some kids on my lawn I need to go throw rocks at.
Remember that guy awhile back who created a stir by insisting on attending college class in the nude? He is, as they say, no more. For those who don't remember... well, RTFA, you'll find out.
I'm actually surprised Berkeley expelled him the year after he became famous. Their hyper-liberal stance is well known and deserved.
Hey, at least they didn't make it into the fryer:
Workers at a factory making chips were evacuated two days running last week after bomb parts turned up in potatoes imported from France and Belgium, the site of battles in World War One and Two.
Chips as in "french fries" in this case. Danged British, can't speak proper.
The winning bidder will inherit not only the building -- and possibly the furniture, kitchen equipment and liquor license -- but also the 15 to 20 spirits that believers say live there.`I've seen things that even the most pragmatic man would have to believe,'' said Ken Roberts, who bought the building with his wife, Margarita, four years ago.
Those ``things'' include missing and moving objects, a ghost stroking a woman's hair, sounds of boots walking across the wooden floors when no one is there, and the sound of the 1930s freight elevator door closing when no one else is in the building, he said.
See entire story here.
Just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder:
I have been to Iraq nine times since the American invasion three years ago, for a total of about 10 solid months. (My wife is counting.) During that time, I have seen bombs and blood, I have seen rebuilding and restructuring, and I have seen death and democracy. So what have I heard? That's easy: Lionel Richie.Grown Iraqi men get misty-eyed by the mere mention of his name. "I love Lionel Richie," they say. Iraqis who do not understand a word of English can sing an entire Lionel Richie song.
Well, hey, if Hasslehoff can become a German pop god and Jerry Lewis can be made a French knight (or something), I suppose anything is possible.
What's next? Barry Manilow's Copa Cabana as the Nigerian national anthem?
Ok, this aughta put the whole "biker bit by dog" thing in perspective:
A cyclist attacked by a bear in Banff National Park is recovering following surgery to repair torn muscles in his arm. Park officials say it appears the 41-year-old victim was stalked by the bear, before being viciously mauled.
Yet another reason why this biker is a roadie through and through. To Ellen and me, "roughing it" means no Tivo.
I'm not completely sure what a Lotus Omega is, but it certainly handed this cop his own ass. Cool, yes, but the cop got plenty close enough to see the plate number, and I don't care how fast your car goes you can't outrun a radio. When they catch this dude it will be... unpleasant.
Which is fine with me. I'm either minding my own business in a sedan that can be outrun by a kid on a big wheel, or a sports car built when "safety standards" meant a lap belt and a kiss on the cheek. I don't need maniacs in supercars screaming by at mach 2. Toss him in jail and take away his car.
Then give it to me.
Like Olivia needs another excuse to fart alarmingly:
Consumers will soon be able to prepare baked beans on toast...in the toaster. Heinz is launching a frozen sandwich which cooks the beans inside the bread.The student staple is popped in the toaster and heats up in around 60 seconds in a similar way to Kellogg's Pop Tarts.
All I can think of is how awful it would be to clean up after one that leaked.
I'd make a crack about these "Sci-Fi themed" fetish accessories being German, but something tells me they're probably just as prevalent over here. God only knows what the Japanese wear.
People are weird.
I only thought North Korea frothed like this:
Venezuela's military is considering selling its fleet of U.S.-made F-16 fighter jets to another country, possibly Iran, in response to a U.S. ban on arms sales to President Hugo Chavez's government, an official said Tuesday.
...
The Foreign Ministry said the U.S. move was aimed at weakening Chavez's government in preparation for an attack.
According to this, Venezuela has 21 F-16A block 15s. In capability, they're vaguely like 1982 Corvettes. Nice, especially if you're hunting Paco the cocaine farmer, or trying to keep the mob from taking your Fearless Leader to "hang out in the plaza", but not something of which one should be overly proud.
I don't doubt they're having trouble with them. US hardware, especially the aviation stuff, has a well-earned reputation for being fussy and high-maintenace (as well as elegant and extremely capable... sorta like my wife.*) They're designed with the assumption that large groups of highly-trained volunteers will be dedicated to keeping them running. They should've bought Soviet gear long ago, which is designed with the assumption that three teenage conscripts drunk on brake fluid** are all that stand between you and the cumulo-granite.
Threatening to sell them to Iran because you can't get parts? You think Iran can get parts? They've got a whole bunch of F-14As that've been sitting on various tarmacs for more than thirty years because they can't get parts. Even if F-16 parts are easier to get, you're still bringing an '82 Corvette to a race with '06 Corvettes, Vipers, and hell even a few McClaren F-1s. Achmed does not need these sorts of troubles.
But hell we're not the target for all of this. Clueless press monkeys and the folks back home are, and I'm sure it plays quite well with both.
---
* Badoom-CHEE. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.
** They may have changed by now, but back in the 80s Soviet combat aircraft had brake fluid that was essentially high-grade ethanol. Teenagers, in the middle of the steppe, with gallons of booze in big drums? You do the math. It's a wonder any of their aircraft ever made it off the ground.
Suzanne gets a no-prize with a secret companion for bringing us The Binary Research Institute, a place apparently dedicated to proving the Sun has a hidden, massive companion causing all sorts of irregularities in our solar system. You know, like cheese whiz and Hillary Clinton.
Personally, I blame George Bush:
The gate at the entrance to this tiny Sicilian village has come off its hinges and swings in the wind as cats wander into homes abandoned after a series of mystery fires.Spontaneous fires started in mid-January in the town of Canneto di Caronia, in about 20 houses. After a brief respite last month, the almost daily fires have flared up again — even though electricity to the village was cut off.
With that many people nosing around I guess it must not be some enterprising unemployed teenage "yutes", but that's still my first choice as to what's going on.
Making the rounds: a set of conjoined twins has been born in the DC area. Only word that I've seen so far is that they're "joined at the back", whatever that means. Here's to hoping it's a simple thing which can allow them to be easily separated!
Like they always say, don't bid if you aren't going to pay:
A Chinese businessman who bought a Russian fighter jet online wants his money back after finding it could not be shipped to China, state media reported on Tuesday.
Since the guy still has his jet, I would imagine this would be pretty straightforward. With a minor deduction for processing, of course.
While it's not uncommon for bits of crashed machinery to wash up on shore, I can't say I've ever heard of something traveling this far:
A tail section from a U.S. Navy fighter jet that crashed 3 1/2 years ago off Key West, Fla., has turned up 4,900 miles away on a beach in Ireland.
Fortunately the crew in the F-14 which once owned the tail section got out just fine.
Problem: Adults are getting fatter, all over the world. Women in denial about this try and buy clothing too small for them, leading to any number of feminine fashion emergencies and men trying to claw their eyes out.
Solution: Cheat:
While Americans have statistically gotten larger, women's clothing has gotten smaller -- that is, if the numbers on the size labels are to be believed. It's no secret that retailers have been playing to women's vanity for years by downsizing the sizes on garment labels, but the practice has reached an extreme in recent months with the introduction of the sizes ''double zero" and ''extra, extra small." If vanity sizing continues on this path, analysts say, it is only a matter of time before clothing sizes are available in negative integers.
Ok, how to relate this to your garden-variety beer swilling male pig. Hmm... ok, remember when insurance companies started raping people when they tried to buy a high-performance car, so the car companies started low-balling the horsepower ratings? It's sort of like that, but in a skirt.
Didn't momma tell you to always check where something's been before you put it in your mouth:
Hungarian builders who drank their way to the bottom of a huge barrel of rum while renovating a house got a nasty surprise when a pickled corpse tumbled out of the empty barrel, a police magazine website reported.
Horrific pun from Joshua in 3... 2... 1...
Insert Bush administration joke here:
A Philippine judge who claimed he could see into the future and admitted consulting imaginary mystic dwarfs has asked for his job back after being fired by the country's Supreme Court.
Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.
The thing is, motorcycles have suspensions, and brakes. Shopping carts don't.
And you thought it was just homeless people who stole shopping carts.
As if we didn't already know Hollywood was completely out of ideas:
Kyle Newman has signed on to direct "Revenge of the Nerds," a remake of the seminal 1984 teen comedy.
Oh hell what do I know, damned thing will probably end up being pretty good. NERRRRDSSSSSS!!!
A warm evening and a broken air conditioner prompted a 38-year-old woman to sleep naked with her window open Friday night.She awoke to a tongue being slipped inside her ear by a stranger, whose body was partially inside the window.
It never ceases to amaze me the crap some men think they can get away with when they're around women. The dude's also lucky to be alive, as there are many women who routinely sleep with a gun nearby, and there's not a jury in this country that'd convict in this situation.
"Look Martha! There's porn in that there house!"
The tale of the Hayvenhurst cul-de-sac, where several adult productions have been shooting almost nonstop for two weeks (and were booked to continue through Monday), pulls back the curtain on how one of the region's most thriving industries — pornography — coexists with the city itself.
Which just goes to show a paper which most likely accepts advertising for escort services can be just as prudish and self-contradicting as the people who create it. Had the cops actually tried to shut it down, I have no doubt we'd see a story on "the oppression of free speech."
That is, if the porn guys had a good publicist anyway. What, you think the LA Time just stumbled onto this story? Hint: rich people know how to create press releases too.
Slashdot linked up news of the "trumpet emulator". The device sits inside the bell of a trumpet and plays a collection of calls, including reville and taps. Since the Pentagon is paying the bill, I probably don't want to know how much they cost.
Remember folks, when trying to steal power company equipment, make sure it's not on:
A Sumter [South Carolina] man was found in critical condition after officials say he tried to steal something from an electrical pole.Barely conscious and trapped between transformers is where Sumter police found Wayne Odom.
His stepfather says a bad crack habit led to the serious injury. Marshall Knotts says, "He would do anything he could do to get it. He was so strung out."
In other words, he got high, then he got high, then he got high?
... and that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus:
Believing they had a botched burglary on their hands, police in Hayward, California, called to a house instead found a naked man wedged in its chimney, a police officer said Monday.
...
Officers booked [the man] for being under the influence of drugs...
Yah don't say!
James H. gets a no-prize he can't refuse for bringing us a rather novel proposal:
Provenzano’s “pizzini” reveal that the Mafia is meditating on the eventual need to resolve staffing problems by outsourcing crimes to occasional freelancers or by hiring Greek and Albanian thugs to fill gaps in the ranks. These are, frankly, stopgap solutions that underline its internal weakness and will eventually spell the end of the organization. Something similar happened at the decline of the Roman empire when the defense of the imperial borders was entrusted to barbarian mercenaries.We understand the moral objections, but classic “realpolitik” suggests that it would be in Italy’s national interest to do something about the problem. There are already proposals to create a Mafia “theme park” at Corleone. It is hard to imagine a clearer symbol of increasing irrelevance or anything more shameful for what was an undoubted national glory than to see the children of real mafiosi making a living selling souvenirs and cotton candy to tourists.
Don't look at me, man. All I do is work on Italian cars!
And in the "too-much-time-on-his-hands" department, we have Toddlerpedes. As with most modern art, Olivia does these sorts of things all the time, just not as neatly.
The Boomers' practice of living like a grasshopper is finally catching up with them:
Here are the stark financial facts. Together, Dick, 55, and Shari, 52, earn $110,000 a year. So far they've saved less than $10,000 for Jake's education ($4,000 in mutual funds in the parents' names and $5,500 in a 529 account). Total annual expenses at his first choice, the University of Oregon at Eugene, will top $25,000. The shortfall over four years is an eye-popping $90,500.
For us it's eye-opening for another reason. Thanks to the generosity of family members as well as our own savings plans, Olivia's already better placed for college than the example above, and she's not quite 3. Even then, considering the growth of college expenses far exceeds inflation, we'll still have to be very careful to ensure her security. Welcome to parenting 101, I guess.
And $40k in combined retirement savings, at their age and their income levels?
Smile, Ellen! I told you stuffing money under every financial mattress we could get our hands on would pay off some day.
"Cool" new party tricks for sharing jello shots don't look like fun, they look like a good way to catch any number of nasty diseases. Besides, I never did go out much for the "get hammered stupid in public" school of drinking. To me, puking and hangovers just never were that much fun. Much better to get a warm slurry glow from wine that makes me jabber so much people throw pillows at me to get me to shut up.
But I digress...
Being a guy, I'm most likely politically prohibited from making such a judgement, but to me at least coochie != purse:
A Salvadoran woman was detained after she tried to smuggle a military grenade and marijuana hidden in her vagina into the country's main prison, authorities said Wednesday.
There are just so many levels of "wrong" in this one... the mind boggles.
All those times I complained about traffic in the DC area? I take them all back.
Well, ok, I don't take them back. If you put drivers from around here in a situation like that, you'd have blood up to your ankles running down the gutters. And cellphones. Lots and lots of cellphones.
Fark linked up news of the discovery of a monster shrimp. 40 cm is, what, ~ 18 inches or so? Da-yum!
With pic-ful goodness!
Lane G. gets a creepy latex-rubber no-prize for bringing us news about who faked those "Alien Autopsy" films:
The creator of Max Headroom, a 1980s television cyber-presenter, has claimed he was one of the hoaxers behind the Roswell film, the grainy black and white footage supposedly showing a dead alien being dissected by American government scientists after a UFO crash.
Never watched them myself, but I know people who did. Can't say I ever knew anyone who believed them. I guess I don't run with the right crowd.
they wouldn't be in so much trouble:
The library books on multiple births crowded the couple's coffee table. The bedroom-turned-nursery awaited the arrival of six newborns.But in the end, authorities say Sarah and Kris Everson never had the sextuplets as claimed. All they had was what appears to be a big lie.
Pat gets a no-prize that comes in six different boxes for bringing us this tail of greed and stupidity.
Personally I'm a little weirded out that she was carrying two hearts around in the first place:
British doctors have revived a 12-year-old girl's dormant heart and removed a donor heart which she had started to reject, hospital officials said late today.
According to the article, artificial "assistant" hearts are used in cases like this today. I think perhaps I'm just not understanding what the heck is going on here. Regardless, it's still a good thing for the girl.
New Scientist is carrying this report detailing a bizarre animal which might represent an evolutionary step toward mamals:
Nursing mothers of Boulengerula taitanus – part of a group of tropical, legless terrestrial amphibians called the caecilians – transform the top layer of their skin from its usual flat, dead cells to a thicker layer of large cells rich in protein and fats in order to nurture their young. The nutrient content of this skin layer is similar to that of milk.
The thinking is this could represent an intermediate step toward both live birth and nursing. Kinda creepy, if you ask me.
Making the rounds: the bizzare saga of a rich man wrecking his toys has reached a rather conventional end. This was actually in the post yesterday morning, but the CNN article has a picture of what's left of the car. In spite of the fact that it's a total loss, the Ferrari guys should be quite proud, since even though the driver was an idiot he did walk away. Can't say that about too many 160 mph crashes.
No-prize to Ron for reminding me to link this!
He may be able to dig up signs that ETs have been visiting us for thousands of years, but it seems he can't keep a theme park open:
Long ago, astronauts from outer space visited earth to lay the foundations for human civilisation, Erich von Daeniken says.Now, the Swiss writer and businessman hopes for a visitor wealthy enough to save his Mystery Park theme park in Interlaken from financial collapse.
I'm just barely old enough to even know who this guy is. I'm sure blank looks will be had from several younger friends and relations who read this. Lord only knows what Olivia would make of it.
So the media will be extra-helpful by throwing a few sensationalized stories your way to help:
If a high-fat cholesterol-laden snack doesn't trigger a heart attack, then a healthy economy just might.The risk of a fatal heart attack rises when the U.S. economy strengthens and increases further if macroeconomic conditions remain robust over the next several years, according to a study published last month.
Straight from the "pull-data-out-of-your-ass-and-make-shit-up-with-it" department!
Via Jason
Here I didn't know "digital tombstones" even existed and now I go find out a competitor has already made it to the market. This one turns on when you walk past it. In a graveyard.
The possibilities for scaring the bejeebus out of passersby in some final juvenile prank from beyond the grave are endless.
I want one. Someday, anyway.
Well, at least they didn't ask to be eaten:
At least six men came to western North Carolina, some from as far away as South America, to have their genitals mutilated in what police described Friday as a sadomasochistic "dungeon."
Mutilated as in cut off. I guess if you have a big enough sample of people, you'll find some who want to do stupendously ridiculous stuff. Since the Internet has brought most of the world together, the sample has gotten very large indeed.
There's probably a bit of a cultural, and perhaps even sexual, bias as well. Women who cut themselves up seem to be quietly bundled off to the nearest hospital, while men like this make the front page. Then again, I can't say I've ever heard of a chick flipping out and doing this sort of thing at a party.
People are weird.
The neck-less baby with its head almost totally sunk into the upper part of the body and with extraordinarily large eyeballs literally popping out of the eye-sockets, was born to Nir Bahadur Karki and Suntali Karki at the Gaurishnkar Hospital in Charikot.
Read article with picture of parade here.
Update: Link works now.
I'm actually surprised this hasn't already happened to Ellen:
A man crashed his car after a pet snake he had wrapped around his neck began attacking him, authorities said.
She apparently regularly takes one or the other snake out of its cage while traveling from or to dance rehearsals (they're going to be stars in an upcoming show). Says she gets the most interesting looks from drivers.
Baron Dave Romm (no, really!) gets a makeup-challenged no-prize for bringing us even more pictures of... "Klingons"?
I'd like to think I wasn't that nerdy "back in the day". Then again, I also like to think I could hang with Lance Armstrong with just a few extra miles worth of training. Prevarication in these cases is always a positive.
An Egyptian girl who survived an operation to remove a second head has died from a brain infection.
I guess her sister wanted her back.
Reason to hate cellphones, #48: calls from Satan:
Authorities moved to quash panic among mobile phone users in eastern India after a rumour that "devil calls" from certain numbers have led to death and illness.People started turning off their handsets after a rumour swept Orissa state of phones exploding like bombs killing their owners when they answered the calls.
Then again, if I could make other cellphones explode at will...
Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston," believed Pro-Life's first monument to the 'act of giving birth,' is purportedly an idealized depiction of Britney [Spears] in delivery. Natural aspects of Spears' pregnancy, like lactiferous breasts and protruding naval, compliment a posterior view that depicts widened hips for birthing and reveals the crowning of baby Sean's head.The monument also acknowledges the pop-diva's pin-up past by showing Spears seductively posed on all fours atop a bearskin rug with back arched, pelvis thrust upward, as she clutches the bear's ears with 'water-retentive' hands.
Fark linked this up a few days ago but I wasn't able to access the article and view the picture, without which one cannot truely appreciate the impact of this... artwork? Picture is vaguely NSFW and definitely NSFE (eyes).
Lisa gets a no-prize for reminding us just how odd odd art can be.
Some chimps fling poo, others choose a more original approach:
Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.
Sounds like some sort of drug-induced mania to me, but what the hell do I know? Kudos to the officers for not shooting him where he stood.
Lisa gets a well-decorated no-prize that crawls around a lot for bringing us this video story about "living cockroach jewelry". No, really! Ok mom, this is one set of sparklies whose hiding place you don't want to forget.
No, Ellen, you can't have one.
Freak show, get yer freak show here. I'd seen a few of them before, but not all in one place. The purple polar bear was definitely a sight.
I wonder how many more of these there are lying around:
New York workers have discovered a trove of Cold War-era supplies within the masonry of the Brooklyn Bridge, a cache meant to aid in survival efforts in the event of nuclear attack.City Department of Transportation employees were conducting maintenance on the structure Wednesday when they found the cache on the top floor of a three-floor space inside the bridge's base, agency spokeswoman Kay Sarlin said.
Typical of the Big Apple, the "shelter" was actually a well-ventilated storage area, not the typical sealed area you'd normally expect. Hey, woulda been expensive to do it any other way!
I'm actually surprised it's taken this long:
Hundreds of well-off Japanese and other nationals are turning to China's burgeoning human organ transplant industry, paying tens of thousands of pounds for livers and kidneys, which in some cases have been harvested from executed prisoners and sold to hospitals.
In a perfect world, where people are rational and Democrats actually make sense, I have no particular problem with this. Unfortunately, since we don't live in a perfect world, I'm afraid this has to go. The potential for corruption around this in a relatively stable law-and-order place like the US is bad enough. In China? Fuggedaboutit.
While I'm not particularly surprised someone's come out with a calendar centered on serial killers, I wish they'd have picked a better artist. No, I can't do any better, but I know a lot of people who can.
It's true. Sci-Fi fans now have their own dating service.
That's right. Now every man and woman who resembles the 'comic book guy' from the Simpsons can find love.
ABOARD USS CAPE ST. GEORGE, At sea (NNS) -- USS Cape St. George (CG 71) and USS Gonzalez (DDG 66) returned fire on a group of suspected pirates in the Indian Ocean, killing one and wounding five, approximately 25 nautical miles off the central eastern coast of Somalia in international waters at 5:40 a.m. local time, March 18.
What dumbasses try crap like this?
Raymond Martinot and his wife were the toast of the world cryonics movement. For years they were France's best preserved corpses, lying in a freezer in a chateau in the Loire valley, in the hope that modern science could one day bring them back to life.But the French couple's journey into the future ended prematurely when, 22 years after his mother's body was put into cold storage, their son discovered the freezer unit had broken down and they had started to thaw.
When you're talking about technologies that will probably take centuries to materialize, if ever, you need to rely on mechanical systems which will last centuries, or forever. Which are expensive, where they exist at all, and usually require expensive upkeep as well. Since whole governments aren't very good at lasting more than a century or so, the whole cryonics movement would seem a sucker's bet.
Of course, Las Vegas is nothing if not a monument to the sucker's bet, and it's doing just fine. Something tells me cryonics will too.
BBCnews is carrying this report detailing DARPA's recent efforts at creating controllable insects for use in combat situations. The primariy stumbling block does not in fact appear to be inserting control electronics:
What adult insects want to do is basically reproduce and lay eggs. You would have to rewire the entire brain patterns.
However, tricking the insects into thinking explosives are food (and thereby causing them to swarm) seems to be more promising. Unfortunately, that too failed in the face of the same stronger imperatives to eat and, well, boink.
Hey, when your lifespan is measured in weeks, ya gotta have priorities!
All of the evidence that is required to expose and destroy the counterfeit Copernican Model of a rotating and orbiting Earth--and the entire evolutionary paradigm resting upon that counterfeit--is set out in scores of links on this web page.Those who read some or all of these links will quickly realize that this is no idle claim. Rather--as will become evident with each subject listed--there is abundant hard proof that both the Copernican Counterfeit and the Big Bang Evolutionary Paradigm that is built upon it are factless frauds from start to finish.
Sometimes I think it would be worth it to pay to send people like this into space, just to listen to the rationalizations they come back with.
Now, I'm not completely certain this isn't just an elaborate hoax a-la Landover Baptist. But there's just enough lunacy, spittle, and bad HTML formatting to make me believe he might really believe all this stuff.
Then again, if a poorly disguised chick-flick masquerading as a "shocking cowboy love story" can do well, I guess anything is possible:
The production is meant to be an irony-free look at life in a North Korean prison camp that could change the way the North is depicted in South Korean entertainment.Songs in the musical include "You are just like germs" and "All I want is rice". The producers hope audiences can find beauty in the misery of life in the prison camps.
Amazing to think the cold war is still dominating this small corner of the world.
We only thought some of our friends got into big unreasonable fights:
A Mexican couple were recovering separately after a marital spat got out of control and saw them firing guns, throwing knives and hurling homemade bombs, Mexican daily Milenio said yesterday.
...
Mr Espinosa told reporters he was glad his wife had suffered burns, while Ms Contreras said said she was only sorry she had not "hacked off his manhood" during the fight.
Damn. That's harsh!
You only thought that lamp your parents gave you was inappropriate:
Letters to Santa are always cute, especially those asking for new genitalia.
Nobody brings this to movie night. Bad Friends! Bad! No biscuit!
Ok, no more making fun of our buddy Mark's coin collection. At least his used to be real money. Olivia not only knows what they are, she knows how to use them.
Meh. Man's gotta have a hobby I suppose.
Fark linked up this example-with-pic of why one should be very careful when parking one's seventeen-year-old Oldsmobuick anywhere in Canada.
It's eleven o'clock, do you know where your parents are:
A 75-year-old woman accused of robbing a bank with an unloaded pistol was arrested after a tow truck driver blocked her in after a short chase, police said.Marilyn Divine of Baldwin said after her arrest that she acted "to help people who are starving to death and nobody cares about them." She didn't specify to whom she was referring.
Which sounds exactly like someone wobbling off their meds and then tottering off to make mischief. Time to make sure neither of our grammas have access to a weapon!
Hey, it's gotta be real 'cos, you know, it's got "interdisciplinary" in it:
The recently discovered “UNERTAN SYNDROME” consists of quadrupedal gait, severe mental retardation, and primitive language.
...
[A] new theory was suggested for the human evolution. Namely, the unique behavioral trait of man, the emergence of the habitual bipedality with Homo erectus (1.6 million and 250.000 tears ago) may be coupled with a resistive mind, which forced man to stand up against the gravitational forces with consequent success in tool making and hunting, using free hands for survival.
See! See! Anti-gravity really is all in your head!
Ron gets a follow-up no-prize for keeping us informed on the latest developments in the "Enzo v. Utility Pole" case:
Most mysterious of all are the two men who turned up minutes after the crash, claimed to be from "homeland security", talked their way past police lines by flashing badges, interviewed Mr Eriksson and left again. Nobody has a clue who they were. They are now being sought by police.Mr Eriksson says he has an official governmental function in counter-terrorism - a remarkable twist for a man better known for loving parties and fast cars, whose company just collapsed under huge debt. In the first interview he gave to deputies at the scene, he said he was the deputy commissioner of the San Gabriel Valley Transit Authority's police anti-terrorism unit.
I think eventually this will end up being a case of a really smart drunk who smashed up his fancy toy and then danced fast enough to keep everyone guessing. For awhile, at least.
Where are these parties, and why am I never invited:
The glistening white Santiago Calatrava addition has made the Milwaukee Art Museum one of the city's classiest social addresses. But a recent martini fete held there turned into an overcrowded, drunken affair. Some unruly guests accosted artworks, which have been taken off display for a checkup.People threw up, passed out, were injured, got into altercations and climbed onto sculptures at Martinifest, a semi- formal event organized by Clear Channel Radio and held at the museum Feb. 11, according to several people who attended or worked at the event.
Then again, considering I get loopy after two glasses of wine and tend to go to bed at about 9 pm, it's probably just as well I wasn't there. Something tells me a whole bunch of people wished they weren't either the next morning.
Those quirky Japanese are at it again:
As Japanese waistlines expand, so is the market for girdles -- for men.A new line of male underwear that flattens the stomach and lifts the hips proved so popular when introduced on a trial basis last month that some stores quickly sold out.
...
According to a Health Ministry report issued last month, some 29 percent of men aged 20-60 are overweight compared with 24 percent in 2000.The Triumph spokeswoman, however, said most of the demand is due to new styles in pants that are cut to emphasize the hips. "It's really more about style," she said. "After all, there aren't that many men in their 20s and 30s whose figures are giving way."
The mind boggles...
Going at it in the car, OK. Leaving the car running, in the garage, with the door closed... not so good:
A Milwaukee man and a 17-year-old girl died of carbon monoxide poisoning while having sex inside a running car in a closed garage last week, according to a Milwaukee County medical examiner's investigation report.
But wait! There's more!
The man's mother said the dead 17-year-old was not her son's girlfriend, and she did not know her, according to the report.
I remember something like this happening in my area when I was in High School, so it's probably more common than people think. Somewhere Darwin has his fist in the air with this two-for-one.
Ron gets a fast but smashed no-prize for bringing us the strange and twisting tail of a supercar, a telephone pole, and a video game executive:
The Plot Thickens in Ferrari Crash
A gun's magazine found near the wreckage may be connected to the accident, and a Scottish bank says it might own the destroyed car.The mystery deepened Monday in the case of the puzzling crash last week of a $1-million Ferrari Enzo on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu.
Maybe a better title would've been "when grownup toys attack"?
Ok, so our first flight to Vegas got cancelled, and then the next day the limo service got me to the airport too late to catch the backup, forcing me to buy a new (expensive) ticket just to get there. I won't complain (much), because I know it most definitely could have been worse:
A panic-stricken air stewardess sparked terror on her turbulence-hit flight by screaming: "We're going to crash."The hostess, named only as Wendy, stunned hundreds of passengers on the Gatwick-to-Las Vegas Virgin flight by repeating the outburst three times.
There was a video some years back of (as I recall) a trans-pacific flight which experienced something similar. It was filled with screams, debris, and hapless passengers hanging from the ceiling. From that point on I have made it a point to keep my seat belt on whenever possible.
Of course, knowing my luck, it'll happen when I'm using the bathroom. Meh, as long as I land safely, it'll wash off.
There's pets, and then there's pets. Get a load of the leashes they have on those heyenas.
Thing is, I'm not sure if I should warm up by it or toss flowers into it. Why yes, I watched Star Trek obsessively while I was a child. Why do you ask?
When I first started watching this video of Moscow's Lefortovo highway tunnel I thought, "hey, another day on the beltway!" Then I saw the bus go by.
All those times I called DC area drivers idiots? Well, ok... they're still idiots, but it's a benign, cow-like stupidity. We got nothing on those maniacs.
Ok, cutting = bad, we already established that one. Now we must also add that pencils = bad:
A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after sticking a pencil inside his penis to keep it stiff during sex.
Dude... I mean... Dude!!!
It may only be 2mm long, but its spider-fu is strong:
They may be small, but Assassin spiders are among the most dangerous spiders on the planet – if you’re another spider, that is. These tiny arachnids in the Archaeidae family are only about 2 mm (less than 1/8 inch) long, but their bizarre fangs and spider-hunting practices have earned them a reputation as the world’s most grotesque spiders. They hunt by stabbing their prey with venom-filled fangs that are attached to the ends of extremely elongated jaws.
With picture!
Well, all I can say is this TSA employee certainly earned their pay that day:
Airport baggage screeners found a human head with teeth, hair and skin in the luggage of a woman who said she intended to ward off evil spirits with it, authorities said Friday.Myrlene Severe, 30, a Haitian-born permanent U.S. resident, was charged Friday with smuggling a human head into the U.S. without proper documentation.
Yeah, documentation. I can just hear it now, "Allo? Allo? TSA? 'ow do eye go about takin' dis 'ere 'ead on de plane wi' me? Yes. It's a 'ead. A 'EAD. You know, da ting on top o' ya shouldas? Well of course it not attached to anyting girl, it's a 'ead. Just a 'ead. Because I wanna take it on da plane, dat's why.
Allo? Allo?"
Even though I've seen it discussed time and again on just about every form of media out there, if the level and type of spam I get about it is any indication there are still men who don't get that penis surgery does not work. So, once more, with feeling:
Nim Christopher, a urologist at St Peter's Andrology Center in London and his colleagues, who questioned 42 men who had the surgery, found the dissatisfaction rate was very high. Often the men requested another surgical procedure.
In all likelyhood, it's probably for the best. If these sorts of things did work, they'd probably have to start making new furniture to accomodate what some loons would try to do to themselves.
Ron gets a curvey no-prize for bringing us scientific proof that just looking the part isn't enough for a girl to get ahead in this word:
Dressing sexy can have negative affects at work especially the higher you climb on the ladder, according to a recent University of Lawrence study led by professor Peter Glick.The study found that risqué dress on the job is viewed as inappropriate for those in all positions. Managers who dressed provocatively, however, were perceived less intelligent and less competent, while those in lower level positions (like receptionists) were not. The study also suggests that women who wear racy clothing are perceived as using their sexuality to advance professionally.
Ellen wears scrubs and I think white socks with black pants is high fashion, so neither of us has too much to worry about. Now if we could just get Ron to stop wearing stilettos to his meetings...
Problem: A male group of rare penguins are hanging out amongst themselves at their zoo home, refusing to help their species stop being rare.
Solution: Bring in some new females in the hopes of "getting the party started".
Result: Politics happens:
The initiative to "turn" the penguins and make them mate had prompted a furious response from gay rights groups.
Because we all know how oppressed the gay penguin population is these days. Stonewall! Stonewall! Stone... rrmm... glacier?
Ron gets a rotten no-prize for bringing us an inside look at small-town politics:
LONOKE, Ark. - The mayor was arrested in a corruption probe, the police chief is accused in a drug-making scheme, and the prosecutor says the chief's wife took prisoners from jail to have sex with them - and more arrests could be coming.It's a lot for a town of fewer than 4,300 residents to stomach in one day.
Dropping it all in a single day is a bit much, but I remember hearing about things like this swirl around the local government of my old home town (who's population was about thhe same size) through the years. And it's not something exclusive to Arkansas. From what I've read, many if not most small towns run into trouble like this at one point or another.
Thing is, doesn't everyone know how dangerous these damned things are?
Kevin Freels has been a vet for three years. He has seen his share of injuries, but he never thought he'd be on the receiving end of a potentially deadly attack from his own pet.“I was just doing the routine weekly maintenance on the (saltwater) tank,” Kevin recalls. “Apparently she didn't like what I did."
The “she” Kevin is referring to, is his lion fish, named Lily. Lily charged Kevin's hand and jabbed six of her poisonous spines into him.
I see them in larger pet stores all the time, so I guess people don't know.
Somewhere, Darwin is re-calibrating his scope and grumbling about a near miss.
For another entry in the, "why should I have to pay attention in life, isn't that something the government should do for me?" category, we have this article on an "unintended consequence" of the growing popularity of hybrids:
As hybrid sales skyrocket, there's a growing concern that the battery-gas powered vehicles pose a risk [to pedestrians] because they aren't as noisy as gas-powered engines. When idling, hybrids run on the quiet electric battery. Most, with the exception of GM and Honda hybrids, can also operate on the battery until the car reaches higher speeds, when the gas engine kicks in.
Yeah, that colorful ton-and-a-half of metal moving toward them just isn't enough to grab everyone's attention. And of course drivers shouldn't be expected to, you know, look around and be aware of nearby pedestrians. Can't you see they're on the damned phone?
I ride a bike on city streets all the time, and my assumption that essentially everyone else on the road with me has no idea I'm there has saved me from many a crash. Look around, make eye contact with cross traffic drivers, and "check six" when you need to switch lanes or pull to the center and you will go far indeed.
Karma being what it is, be sure to watch the papers tomorrow morning for news of an inattentive cyclist in Northern VA getting creamed by a hybrid he didn't hear coming.
Fark linked up this Reuters article which answers the "burning" question, "where in the heck are the Palis getting Danish flags from anyway?" The answer is pretty much what you'd expect: they're buying them from clever and enterprising businessmen. See a need, fill a need.
Now if they'd only learn to be as efficient at providing basic needs like food and clothing...
A 50-STONE giant dubbed the fattest man in Britain has died after enjoying his final fish supper.Jack Taylor, 60, tucked into the jumbo special fish treat before going to bed.
He died in the night of a heart attack and his niece found him next morning.
50 stone = ~ 700 pounds. Yoiks.
Update: Apparently they made a film about him and another guy. Coming to a Discovery channel near you!
And to think we put these things against our heads:
Many students, and other young people, have little in the way of cooking skills but can usually get their hands on a couple of mobile phones. So, this week, we show you how to use two mobile phones to cook an egg which will make a change from phoning out for a pizza.
We only have one cell phone, so no way for us to test if it's true. Others in our group of friends are better off mobile-wise, so your assignment for this week is to test if this actually works. Bonus points for photos!
Wouldn't ya know it, some people just can't leave well enough alone:
A Michigan environmental group is charging that at least part of the so-called "new car smell" is toxic, and that the interior of an automobile has dangerous levels of various chemicals.The report, "Toxic at any speed," comes from The Ecology Center, an Ann Arbor, Mich.-based group. It reports that PBDEs, used as fire retardants, and phthalates, used primarily to soften PVC plastics, are found in dangerous amounts in dust and windshield film samples.
Yes, standard press release reporting, but even the newsie seems to try to distance themself from these cranks.
Gotta deal for you greenies who buy into this. You give me your new car, I'll give you my old one.
Definitely not something you see every day:
A fully grown moose has been spotted surfing down a rain-swollen river in Norway on a large chunk of ice.It's not clear whether the moose got caught on ice that suddenly became free or whether he grabbed his chance for a wild ride down the Namsen River, reports Aftenposten.
No word on the ultimate fate of the moose, but I have an ugly feeling it was probably "pretty nasti".
Everyone's favorite vampire-for-governor may have some trouble with fundraising soon:
Self-described vampire and Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey has been arrested on Indiana charges of stalking and escape.
Lyndon Larouche (as I recall) regularly ran for president while behind bars, but that was a federal position. State position, state laws, so who knows?
So what does it mean when you see sneakers hanging from powerlines? It would seem nobody knows for sure. I first noticed this sort of thing five, maybe six years ago near our old apartment. I've seen them elsewhere now, I figured because of some copycat instinct.
Me, I'm impressed people can toss them up there without some sort of handle or clamp. Then again, I have trouble walking and chewing gum at the same time, so I guess you'd say I'm easily impressed by this sort of thing.
Hey, alls I can say is at $100,000, it better come with its own groupies and tour bus.
Of course, this could simply be showing my ignorance of the "l33t" hand-built guitar industry. In my own hobby spheres, I'm not even sure it's possible to pay that much for a new bicycle, but it's quite easy to drop that kind of money on hi-fi equipment. Not that I will, mind you.
Having gotten angst-ed up over their selfish response to their teenage years (the hippie generation), then over their selfish response to early adulthood (the "me" decade of the 70s), then over their own children's equally self-involved narcissism as they grew up (the yuppie and soccer-mom riven 80s and 90s), boomers now seem to have moved smartly on into self-obsessed grand-parenthood:
The new G-Mother -- that's a hipper moniker, don't you think? -- has short red hair, a Mini Cooper, frequent-flier miles, and an iPod in her Kate Spade bag. The average age of a first-time grandparent today is 47, which was, incidentally, the average life expectancy just a century ago. We are the same age our grandmothers were, but we're in the middle of our lives, not at the end.
...
Look, I'd love to nip over and whisper secrets into 1-month-old Maggie's ears, or to dress 2-year-old Ryan in the black leather jacket I bought her recently and take her to look for late blackberries in Golden Gate Park on my bike (with its deluxe new kid seat). But I have a job. I'm a reporter, I have two books to write, a husband who wants to go to France, and I just bought an investment property in Portland, Oregon. I love my grandchildren, but being a grandmother got added to my to-do list.
The crass materialism, let alone the staggering self-involvement, would be funny if it weren't quite obvious the author is deadly serious.
I think the whole thing is more about who a very wealthy woman in her fifties living in San Francisco associates with than it is any sort of generalization about her generation at large. Suzanne is ... ahem ... around that age and is quite enthusiastic about being a grandmother. Her older sister is just tickled about being a great aunt. My own mom, who technically isn't a boomer but can definitely see them from there, is fairly nuts about both her grandkids.
So why my own broadside at the start of this article? Keep in mind it's people like this, people who have to "place limits" on their grandparent duties, who by and large are chronicling their generation's progress through history. The boomers seem like narcissists with their lips superglued to the mirror because the people who write about them are narcissists with their lips superglued to the mirror.
Which I guess is to say, NORMAL PEOPLE OF AMERICA BORN BETWEEN 1946 AND 1964: GET OFF YOUR BUTTS AND START WRITING BOOKS BEFORE MS. ADAIR LARA AND HER ILK RUIN YOUR GENERATION FOR ALL TIME!
Thank you, thank you. We'll be here all week. Try the veal!
Via Dr. Helen
The thing is, nobody's sure:
University of Georgia archaeologists have been puzzling over finding an apparent manmade object buried in a historic Civil War cemetery.Ground-penetrating radar on parts of Myrtle Hill Cemetery, listed on the National Register of Historic Places, found a reflection that did not look like a grave during a scan of two Civil War grave sites earlier this month.
"There definitely is something manmade there, something big and metal," said Sheldon Skaggs, a member of the archaeologist team. "Now we have to determine what it is."
Which shows that the field has indeed come a long way in the past twenty years. When I was an undergrad, the first step in the survey would've been to hammer a rod into the ground in a regular pattern. That would've revealed a solid mass, and its rough outline. The next step would've been to dig some small exploratory trenches (oftentimes with a backhoe, for speed). If that revealed anything interesting it'd be off to the lab and offices to gin up a grant proposal to fund a full dig.
Nowadays it would seem they pay a few grad students to drag a lawn mower-sized gizmo back and forth, and then work from that. Ain't technology grand?
No, really, when octopus attack:
Rare video footage shows a giant octopus attacking a small submarine off the west coast of Vancouver Island.Salmon researchers working on the Brooks Peninsula were shocked last November when an octopus attacked their expensive and sensitive equipment.
One would expect the scientists to "ooh" and "ahh" while the octo taste-tested their equipment. One would be wrong:
"I go full reverse and blast him with all these seabed particles," said [Mike Wood], describing the attack shown in the video. "Finally, he lets go and disappears off into the gloom."It was desperation. It's a $200,000 machine, and it's not insured," said Wood, who runs SubOceanic Sciences Canada in Duncan, B.C.
That sounds like a Discovery channel documentary-in-the-making!
All those Britons who snickered or jeered over the recent dust-ups over here about evolution and intelligent design are pleased to be sitting down and shutting the hell up now:
More than half the British population does not accept the theory of evolution, according to a survey.Furthermore, more than 40% of those questioned believe that creationism or intelligent design should be taught in school science lessons.
One of those "Ha-ha... rmmm... oh boy..." sort of moments.
All I've ever managed to find was a bunch of sea shells:
They call it a beachcomber’s dream, but the chances of finding it, are slim to none. This is why a recent find at Streaky Bay of the rare substance ambergris, which is essentially sperm whale vomit, is a coup for a South Australian fishing family.
...
The South Australian West Coast ambergris weighs around 14.75 kilograms.Mr Jury says that SA Director of Fisheries Will Zacharin has quoted his estimate of the price of ambergris at approximately US$20-a-gram.
The stuff's used in perfumes, and it has a really appetising "manufacturing" process. And to think we make fun of how loud Olivia burps...
James H gets a no-prize you shouldn't look at for bringing us news of a startling discovery:
Human eyes possess destructive power of laserIt was known long ago that people could kill with their eyes
Hey, it's in Pravda! It's gotta be true!
Actually, I know it's not, because if it was my wife would've been in jail long, long ago.
Scripting tools + too much time + too much talent = a phone number you can call to post anonymous voice mail messages onto a website. Can you say "defamation, death threats, then de-activation"? I knew you could...
If the Cowboys get to the playoffs next year, and something similar happens, that is:
Terry O'Neill, 50, of Pittsburgh, was watching the game at a bar and had a heart attack seconds after Jerome Bettis fumbled trying to score from the 2-yard line late in the fourth quarter. Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger prevented the Colts' Nick Harper from returning the recovered ball for a touchdown and the Steelers hung on for a 21-18 win.
Ron and I were watching this game and we were shouting at the TV as it happened, and we didn't particularly care who won. A great game if you weren't a truFantm. A miserable one if you were.
Remember kids, eat your fruits and vegetables:
A lad who only ate chips, toast and baked beans was killed by his junk diet — aged just 20.After years of unhealthy eating, Scott Martin’s liver began to fail, he developed hepatitis and his blood would not clot.
Sixteen-stone Scott refused a life-saving liver transplant because he was too scared and was so weak he needed a wheelchair.
The longer I think about this, the less I believe this was just caused by overeating. The parents claim he wasn't much of a drinker (what the heck is the drinking age in the UK anyway?), but I actually know someone who's diet isn't much better than this guy's was and, while not exactly healthy, he's nowhere near a liver-damaged invalid. There's something else going on here.
Well, more like an ex-ostrich mystery:
When dispatchers called Trooper J.J. Creech to check out a big bird strutting down N.C. 39, he thought it probably was a chicken loose in the morning fog.He chuckled as he turned his cruiser north to chase the poor critter off the Johnston County highway before somebody hit it.
But sure enough, Creech spotted an obstinate ostrich -- tall enough to peer over the roof of his patrol car.
...
Then out of the fog came a yellow Ford pickup...
Thing is, according to the article anyway, nobody in the area farms the things, and the nearest zoo is miles away. I wonder if it tastes like chicken?
You are going down to the super scary basement at work(building is from the 20's) and a bird flies out from behind the dryer and attacks you.
Apparently what came from my mouth was "Jesus F*&Ing Christ", along with a shrill scream.(So I was told)
Hey, you would scream too if a bird attacked YOUR head if it flew out from a dryer!
On the other hand, I'm pretty sure this one is serious:
The Mystery and Meaning of the Message in Our Cells: Discover that the ancient message and the name of God are encoded into the cells of your body and all life; learn and understand the lost key that allows DNA to be translated into language and words; cross the traditional boundaries of science and spirituality to discover how the message in your DNA holds the power to heal your body, resolve conflict and create peace between families and nations; and see how to switch the healing codes of your body to "ON"! Presented by Hay House Publishing.
Via Improbable Research.
Thing is, I'm not at all sure Amazing Prehistoric Dogs is for-real or simply a bizarre satire. The text is a very nice foil hat vintage (classic, with a full body and overtones of unreasonableness at the finish), but the illustrations are like something from a lampoon paper of some sort.
Maybe he'll finish up his site on cats soon. More information might help.
It's often said, "if you want to send a message, use Western Union." A possible corollary could be if you want to get rid of a mouse, use a trap:
A mouse got its revenge against a homeowner who tried to dispose of it in a pile of burning leaves. The blazing creature ran back to the man's house and set it on fire.
I live in a house full of cats, so mice are pretty much a non-issue. Even if we did have them, they'd be considered food sources (for the snakes), not pests.
A number of prestigious libraries -- including Harvard University's -- have such books in their collections. While the idea of making leather from human skin seems bizarre and cruel today, it was not uncommon in centuries past, said Laura Hartman, a rare book cataloger at the National Library of Medicine in Maryland and author of a paper on the subject.
Read entire article here.
Time to make a trip to the library!
For the weirdo who has everything, we're proud to present concept skinbag, a site that offers various leather goods made from "artificial human skin". There are so many different levels of skeevy here I'm not sure I can begin to count them.
Wherein a spider as big as an adult's hand is merely termed, "large":
A tarantula-like spider which has been biting an elderly man in his sleep has been in his house for several weeks, according to the RSPCA.
...
The arachnid is described as being as large as a human hand.
...
[RSPCA spokesman Gethin Russell Jones] told BBC Wales' news website: "He's quite an elderly gentleman. He noticed a large spider months ago when he bought [a box of bananas].
Suddenly those guys who unload the grocery trucks in our area seem a lot tougher than I'd previously thought.
I know it's only a matter of time:
If you're a suburban cowboy hankering to raise a herd and short on ranchland, mini-cattle may be for you.New breeds of pint-sized heifers and bulls are making it easier for small farmers to raise cattle for milk, meat or just fun. On Bill Bryan's 20-hectare spread on Maryland's Eastern Shore, he has sold seven calves this year.
No Ellen, no! Bad Ellen! Bad! No cows!
Ron gets a devilish no-prize for bringing us jeans with a message:
A punk-rock style, trendy tight fit and affordable price have made Cheap Monday jeans a hot commodity among young Swedes, but what has people talking is the brand's ungodly logo: a skull with a cross turned upside down on its forehead.The jeans' makers say it's more of a joke, but the logo's designer said there's a deeper message.
"It is an active statement against Christianity," Bjorn Atldax told The Associated Press. "I'm not a Satanist myself, but I have a great dislike for organized religion."
There are any number of people I can think of who'd probably try to wear them to a church.
They are everywhere now!
In one reported sighting, an indigenous man claimed he saw a three-metre-tall ape standing on two legs beside a river in heavy rainforest in Johor state, the director of the state's national-parks service told Reuters on Sunday."He said it was hairy all over, like a gorilla," said Hashim Yusoff, director of Johor National Parks Corp.
Read entire article here.
Workplace experts say Generation Y will need direction as the thundering herd enters the workplace.
...
The [Chicago Sun-Times] said it's a generation that Steven Mintz, author of Huck's Raft: A History of American Childhood, says has been "coddled."
Because lord knows the boomers, who've essentially defined neurotic self-indulgence, were nothing but tough guys, right?
As with nude beaches, this probably isn't as fun as it sounds:
The Delbecchis, husband and wife since 1978, are "echangistes," French for "swingers," who for the past 21 years have been visiting clubs like L'Orage (Thunderstorm) to have consensual sex in a group with one or more other people.For future outings, they will no longer have to fear police will raid the club and arrest them for being in a "bawdy house," a place where prostitution or acts of public indecency take place.
In a landmark decision on Dec, 21, the Supreme Court of Canada lifted a ban on swingers' clubs, ruling that group sex among consenting adults is neither prostitution nor a threat to society.
Not fun because, as with the above mentioned beaches, those who wish to be seen at such places tend to be people you don't want to see at such places.
Meh... pay your taxes, stay out of trouble, yadda yadda yadda...
Also from Wired, the latest in on-line porn doesn't even use actual people:
You've heard of machinima -- films made by altering video-game footage -- but that's not the only thing coming out of games these days. Players of the massively multiplayer online title Second Life have started a new type of pornographic magazine, one that passes up real-life models for sexy, in-world avatars.The magazine, Slustler, is both shot and distributed in the world of the game. There, after throwing down 150 Linden dollars (approximately 60 cents), players can browse Slustler's 100-plus pages per issue whenever they choose.
Meh, their money, their choice. Doesn't mean I won't make fun of it though...
What is it with David Letterman?
Attorneys for television talk show host David Letterman want a judge to quash a restraining order granted to a Santa Fe woman who contends the celebrity used code words to show that he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host.A state judge granted a temporary restraining order to Colleen Nestler, who alleged in a request filed last Thursday that Letterman has forced her to go bankrupt and caused her "mental cruelty" and "sleep deprivation" since May 1994.
My first reaction was, "restrain away", considering she's in New Mexico and he's (usually) in New York. As I read the article, and thought about it a bit, I realized if they don't stop this, it could easily turn into grounds for some sort of bizarre lawsuit.
What I hope is that the publicity from all of this will allow this woman to get the help she really needs. It's all well and good to make fun of people's delusions (lord knows people make fun of mine all the time), but folks with serious mental illnesses like this need treatment to ensure they don't become a danger to themselves or others.
The great Christmas ideas just keep coming. This time, it's a Japanese neck stretcher. No, really!
Just when you thought psychological studies couldn't get any weirder:
Barbie, beware. The iconic plastic doll is often mutilated at the hands of young girls, according to research published Monday by British academics."The girls we spoke to see Barbie torture as a legitimate play activity, and see the torture as a 'cool' activity," said Agnes Nairn, one of the University of Bath researchers. "The types of mutilation are varied and creative, and range from removing the hair to decapitation, burning, breaking and even microwaving."
When I was a kid, I can vividly remember how cruel some of my peers could be with their toys. Peer pressure being what it is, it usually didn't take long before such play degenerated into chimp-like bash fests that to this day make my stomach churn a little bit. I always thought it was just testosterone-addled boys who did stuff like that, but it would appear I was wrong.
All I can say is that, while she's indifferent to the dolls themselves, Olivia sure does like watching the videos and wearing the clothes. Then again, she's only 2.
Via Siflay.
We're from the government, and we're here to help:
When the Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association passed a rule requiring high school soccer players to wear mouth guards in 1999, Amherst-Pelham Regional girls coach Derek Shea remembers joking about what changes would come next."When mouth guards came up, we sat in the (coaches) meeting laughing, and someone said, 'helmets are next,'" Shea said. "I said that was ludicrous."
Ludicrous or not, soccer players on all levels from youth league to college could be required to wear helmets under legislation currently being considered in the Statehouse.
Alas, this comes far too late to help inveterate soccer-player Ron.
Of course, this would happen in Arkansas:
SILOAM SPRINGS, Ark. - Shayna Richardson was making her first solo skydiving jump when she had trouble with her parachutes and, while falling at about 50 mph, hit face first in a parking lot.Although badly hurt, she survived — and doctors treating her injuries discovered she was pregnant. Four surgeries and two months later, Richardson said she and the fetus are doing fine.
Jumping out of perfectly good airplanes is bad, mmkay?
"Is that an iPod in your pocket, or... oh, I guess it is."
The Play iBox Solid Boxer is an ideal knit boxer for trendy, gadget-savvy music lovers. Made from a cotton/spandex blend, this button fly boxer has a discrete front pocket which is perfect for holding your iPod, other mp3 players or your cell phone.
Drat! I already got Joshua his Christmas present!
It looks like the Arkansas man who was arrested after he jumped the fence onto the White House grounds was after Chelsea Clinton, not anyone from President Bush 's family.
Reminds me of one of the better quotes describing "The Natural State": If the world were to end tomorrow, I'd want to be in Arkansas. Because there, I know, it would end twenty years later."
There was a young rapper from Dayton
Whose pen gun he lately was hatin'
It seemed to be dead
Which just went to his head
And so did the gun, which then claimed him:
Steven Zorn had put the pen gun to his head and clicked before, thinking it was jammed and would not work.But on the third try, the tiny, silver pistol went off as the 22-year-old budding rap singer was drinking to celebrate an impending record deal. He died later at the hospital.
I ask you though, was it art?
Fish sausages, once almost a staple of the Japanese diet, fell into decline around the '70s.But the outbreak of mad cow disease in 2001 has seen the reemergence of the fish sausage, albeit with a variety of mad flavors that bring out the wurst in some food makers, according to Weekly Playboy (12/20).
But wait! There's more!
And the most notable part of the fishy feasts is the freaky flavors that they have spawned, like strawberry milk, which is made out of marine life, but tweaked to taste like a sweet lactose drink.
Just when you thought the Japanese couldn't get any weirder!
Pat gets a no-prize only a junkie would mistake for drugs for bringing us another entry in the chronical of stupid criminals:
In an unusual case of mistaken identity, a woman who thought a block of white cheese was cocaine is charged with trying to hire a hit man to rob and kill four men. The woman also was mistaken about the hit man. He turned out to be an undercover police officer.Jessica Sandy Booth, 18, was arrested over the weekend and remains in jail with bond set at $1 million on four charges of attempted murder and four counts of soliciting a murder.
~ Bad boys bad boys... ~
Either they misjudged the distance or they couldn't take the traffic. For reasons that mystify authorities, five deer that made their way onto the top of a five-story parking garage suddenly leaped to their deaths Sunday.Police Cpl. Steve Cox found the does' bodies on a service road to the Charles Town Races & Slots, next to a security van they'd narrowly missed.
Nature equipped deer to do many things, but coping with a cave-cliff thing filled with stinking moving metal things that reek of people isn't one of them.
It's sometimes said, "money can't buy happiness, but it can make misery more comfortable." Which is all well and good, until you realize just how miserable it can really get:
For Mack W. Metcalf and his estranged second wife, Virginia G. Merida, sharing a $34 million lottery jackpot in 2000 meant escaping poverty at breakneck speed.
...
Mr. Metcalf's first wife sued him for $31,000 in unpaid child support, a former girlfriend wheedled $500,000 out of him while he was drunk, and alcoholism increasingly paralyzed him. Ms. Merida's boyfriend died of a drug overdose in her hilltop house, a brother began harassing her, she said, and neighbors came to believe her once welcoming home had turned into a drug den.Though they were divorced by 2001, it was as if their lives as rich people had taken on an eerie symmetry. So did their deaths.
Pat gets a pretty but tarnished no-prize for bringing us this abject lesson in being careful for what you wish.
Amazingly, this actually worked:
In an unusual case in a Scarborough, Ontario, courtroom, Jan Luedecke was acquitted of sexual assault after a judge ruled he was asleep during the attack -- a disorder known as "sexsomnia.
This guy's attourney should get a medal, right before he gets the crap beat out of him. The DA (or whatever they're called in Canada) should just be... well, shot is probably too strong. Fired definitely isn't.
Also making the rounds: if Hell refuses to freeze over, maybe Britain will instead:
The ocean current that gives western Europe its relatively balmy climate is stuttering, raising fears that it might fail entirely and plunge the continent into a mini ice age.The dramatic finding comes from a study of ocean circulation in the North Atlantic, which found a 30% reduction in the warm currents that carry water north from the Gulf Stream.
The real problem is that nobody really knows what this means. We've only been studying ocean currents seriously for fifty years or so, and ocean temperatures have been studied for an even shorter period of time. Believing this is the harbinger of an ice age is like believing aliens have sucked your house into their spaceship just because you heard a "bang" downstairs.
Do I think global warming is real? Yeah, I think it's real, and pretty obvious at that. Do I think it will lead to global catastrophe? Nope. The timelines most people who take baths and get haircuts advocate telescope these changes across a full century or more. Over that period of time we can not only cope with the changes, we'll probably make money off them.
If it all drops in the pot tomorrow, will it be more expensive to fix than if we'd taken a longer view? Well, yes, that too. But I'm not going to let the prosperity of my country be held hostage to a political tug of war over something that might happen.
Put it a different way. When one nation got frightened by a basketball-sized orb twirling around the planet, it reacted by placing men on the moon in less than the lifetime of a cat. If it became patently obvious that global warming's effects were going to compress down to years instead of decades, I'm quite confident the industrialized nations of the world would be up to the task of finding a solution.
Naive? Maybe. But my naivete doesn't cost us a dime, and lets the proven-to-work efficiencies of the market handle the problem in the meantime. Yours would risk my child's future on a theory based on a model that even its proponents can't get to work properly twice in a row.
Doesn't sound like much of an improvement if you ask me.
Contrary to widespread reports in the media, the Manganos did not abandon St. Rita's during the flooding.Nor did they seal the fate of their elderly residents by strapping them to their beds before leaving, as was widely reported. They worked alongside their staff and a few Good Samaritans during the frantic rescue effort, according to Cobb, Alonzo and other witnesses. Bertucci says none of the bodies recovered from St. Rita's was strapped to a bed or a wheelchair.
Per usual, the entire incident is far more complex than the media ever reported. I'm not sure which is worse... that the media did this, or that I'm surprised that they did this.
Quick! Someone tell Tom's publicist that he's gotten loose again:
Not every family can afford one at a price tag of up to $200,000 but actor Tom Cruise says he bought a sonogram machine for his pregnant fiance Katie Holmes so that they can monitor the development of their child.In an interview with ABC's Barbara Walters to be aired on a November 29 television special about the "most fascinating people of 2005," Cruise said: "I'm going to donate it to a hospital when we are done."
From what I remember of it, there's a bit of a trick to getting one of those things to work right. Of course, we all know how smart and talented Mr. Cruise is, so he shouldn't have too much trouble with it.
Right?
Occupation that Looks Cool but will Get You Killed so Don't Do it, #421: rally car driver. There's a reason they put full roll cages in those things, ya know?
Note: this particular spot on the site seems SFW, but I can't vouch for the rest of it. Text ads look pretty squirrely, but no pictures.
Pat gets a creepy-crawly no-prize for bringing us yet another reason we're glad not to live in "The City":
They're the scourge of hobo encampments and hot-sheet motels. To impressionable children everywhere, they're a snippet of nursery rhyme, an abstract foe lurking beneath the covers that emerges when mommy shuts the door at night.But bedbugs on Park Avenue? Ask the horrified matron who recently found her duplex teeming with the blood-sucking beasts. Or the tenants of a co-op on Riverside Drive who spent $200,000 earlier this month to purge their building of the pesky little thugs. The Helmsley Park Lane was sued two years ago by a welt-covered guest who blamed the hotel for harboring the critters. The suit was quietly settled last year.
Ick!
SOMETIMES words are not enough — well, English ones anyway. Enya, the reclusive Irish artist, has invented a new language after deciding that English was too “obtrusive” for her lyrics.The Dalkey-based singer also rejected Gaelic and Latin, both of which she used on previous records. So a quarter of the songs on Amarantine, her new album, are in a tongue called Loxian, which she devised with her lyricist Roma Ryan.
3 Utahns try to open door for polygamy Legal challenge: Salt Lake City lawyer Brian Barnard says the ban is unconstitutional.
Read entire asinine article here.
Two words: Iron Crotch:
The ancient Greeks worshipped it. Freud said women envy it. And on Tuesday, a man pulled a truck with it.Yes, you read that right.
He pulled a truck with his penis.
Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng, best known for his "Iron Crotch," attached himself not once, but twice, to a rental moving truck and pulled it several yards across a parking lot in Fremont...
Kinda brings a whole new definition to the term "stunt dick."
I don't know, maybe it's just me, but the sentence "Man hit in head by train for second time" just parses wrong.
Way back when, I was famous for getting beaned by baseballs during little league games. But at least someone was throwing something at me then. Something, you know, small.
Pope is discovered to be a Catholic
Family of bears accused of defecating in forested areas
Microsoft product crashes:
"There have been several postings over at Xbox-scene complaining of crashing Xbox's on new games, with default settings on single player. Crashes on Xbox Live and on startup have been reported too, and Project Gotham Racing 3 crashes before finishing the first lap. Screenshots and Video are available showing the crash."
Nice thing is, since I think they all have built-in networking, it should be possible to quickly get a patch out. Assuming it's not just a bunch of gorillas beating down their poor little systems.
World's ugliest dog dead at 14. He never looked real happy, but I guess he did end up spending his end years with a loving family. Here's to hoping the next turn of the wheel puts him in a less challenging body!
Fetish readers may have already heard of Cathie Jung, but I hadn't:
Of course, Ethel Granger and Cathie Jung are among the best known corset wearers of contemporary corset history. Both ladies appear in the Guinness Book of World Records. You can find Cathie on the website of Guinness Books of World Records under Human Body/Smallest waist on a living person. The entries state Ethel's corseted waist of 13 inch (33 cm) and Cathie's 15 inch (38 cm) but in a way, Cathie has beaten Ethel...
Includes a brief but fascinating FAQ on just how to get a waist down to this size. The things people do to themselves, I tell ya.
According to London’s Evening Standard, the British TV network Channel 4 is launching a new reality TV show that claims to be the biggest hoax in TV history. The show, called Space Cadets, aims to fool 9 contestants into believing they have been blasted into space. According to the report, the series has been under wraps since its inception 18-months ago.
Well, I guess if they paid me enough I'd probably pretend to believe anything. I'm actually a little afraid to find out just how many of these bubble-heads never noticed the lack of gravity...
Sometimes you find old clothes in the attic; sometimes you find old letters. But sometimes, well, sometimes you find a little bit more:
With each step up the ladder he took, Evansville resident Steve Mohns became more perplexed by the mysterious picnic basket sitting in his attic.
...
As he prodded and tugged at the basket, the handle fell off."I need the big flashlight," he said to Jessica, expecting to find old bottles or cans inside.
Instead, what he found left him trembling.
"When I pulled the basket out of its resting spot is when I saw the jaw and the foot," he said. "I thought, 'OK, I'm not sure what this is … that's when I decided I better get it out.' "
It would be all I could do to keep Ellen from re-stringing the thing and hanging it over the TV.
Today's "grown woman diddling a teenage boy" story is brought to you by Gainesville GA:
A 37-year-old woman was charged with child molestation after being accused of having a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old boy whom she married last week.The woman also is allegedly pregnant with the boy's child, though paternity hasn't yet been determined, his grandmother and guardian told The Associated Press on Monday.
With scary-yet-disturbingly-not-ugly picture.
Reason to move to Britain #124: they have "better wind":
The UK's wind is better for generating electricity than that of its rivals, according to a government-backed study.
...
"We have a vast and dependable wind resource in the UK, the best in Europe." [said Energy Minister Malcolm Wicks.]
Um, yeah. Whatever helps you sleep at night, man.
Not content to rest on their "you turned what into a soda flavor?" laurels, the folks at Jones Soda Co. are at it again:
For beverage connoisseurs tired of turkey-and-gravy or green-beans-and-casserole flavoured sodas, there's a new choice being offered this year by speciality U.S. soda maker Jones Soda Co.: salmon.
It's even orange! How can you resist?
The People's Republic of California is at it again, this time proposing to build a highway tunnel through an earthquake zone:
Traffic is so bad along the eastern rim of Los Angeles' suburban ring that regional planners are considering the once unthinkable an 11-mile tunnel through a mountain range in earthquake country.
Considering the absolutely staggering number of special interests this would involve and the utterly glacial speed of California courts, I'm thinking this one is definitely DOA.
First Hooters, now Hustlers?
Porn peddler Larry Flynt is most famous for his XXX Hustler magazine. Now he wants to open a restaurant chain with the same name. Company officials have targeted Memphis, and say Beale Street would be ideal."We want to give them a new version of Hooters," says Flynt. "A lot less hooter and a little more beef," he adds.
Now I'm all for chicks and burgers, but if handled poorly this has the potential to be the most unappetising restaraunt ever opened.
As it were...
File this one under well, duh:
A hand grenade being used instead of a ball in a game of catch exploded early on Saturday killing three youths in this Bosnian town, police and news agencies said.Two youths aged 19 and 20, one of them from neighboring Croatia, were killed instantly while a 20-year-old woman died on her way to hospital, police said. Her sister was slightly injured but two other youths suffered serious injuries.
I bet that shape puts a mean spin on it.
While this report about "a cartoon that encourages young people to become suicide bombers" is weird enough, to me stranger still is ITN's unwillingness to name MEMRI, the Middle East Media Research Institute, by name:
The cartoon was put on the internet by an Israeli-linked media research centre who claim it was broadcast on Iran's IRIB TV channel last week.
Fortunately I already knew exactly who they were talking about, so it was a simple matter to find the original story. That's when things got really weird.
Pat gets a no-prize with an eye patch for bringing us news that piracy is far from dead:
A luxury ship carrying at least 600 tourists from Europe narrowly escaped seizure by gunmen off the pirate-infested Somali coast when it sped off to the high seas amid a trail of gunfire.The vessel was destined to the Kenyan Indian Ocean city of Mombasa, where it was expected to arrive Monday, Andrew Mwangura of the Kenyan chapter of the Seafarers' Assistance Programme (SAP) told AFP.
I've been reading about piracy in this area and the area around the South China Sea for years now. As long as they stuck to tramp freighters and the occasional hapless sports tourist, I suppose they were just ignored. Now that they're starting to take on bigger fish, maybe someone will finally take care of them.
Doesn't have to be us. China and India both have navies more than capable of squashing thugs in speedboats. If the pirates make commerce expensive enough, I'm sure those navies will.
A Japanese high school girl has been arrested for gradually poisoning her mother to the brink of death and keeping a blog of her progress - all done as a grim homage to a serial killer she idolised.The 16-year-old student is alleged to have laced her mother's food with increasing doses of thallium, a potent rat poison. Her mother is now in a coma and critically ill.
The girl, who is from rural Shizuoka, in central Japan, was apparently inspired by Briton Graham Young, the notorious Teacup Poisoner of Bovingdon who, in 1962, aged 14, slowly killed his stepmother with what was thought to be the same lethal substance.
Ok, that German guy who got a volunteer to eat is still the creepiest thing I've ever heard. Still, this is definitely up there on that list.
Ok Ellen, all those times I made fun of you for "hovering"? I take them all back:
A hardware retailer Home Depot has found itself in a sticky situation, defending a lawsuit filed by a man who claims the chain's Louisville store ignored his cries for help after he fell victim to a prank and was glued to a toilet seat.Bob Dougherty, 57, of Nederland, said he became stuck to a bathroom toilet seat on which somebody had smeared glue on Oct. 30, 2003, and felt "tremendous panic" when he realized he was stuck.
This being America, of course there will be a lawsuit. Because we all know how utterly odorless and colorless all adhesives are.
Alternative title: paging Buffalo Bill, white courtesy phone please. Site is (as far as I can tell) SFW.
Not quite "Man bites Deer", but close:
BENTONVILLE, Ark. - It looked like a crime scene, but no charges will be filed after Wayne Goldsberry killed a buck with his bare hands in his daughter's bedroom.The engagement lasted an exhausting 40 minutes, but Goldsberry finally subdued the five-point whitetail deer that crashed through a bedroom window at his daughter's home Friday. When it was over, blood splattered the walls and the deer lay on the bedroom floor, its neck broken.
It's definitely the season for it. The number of deer carcasses on our main commute route has risen significantly, and now we're starting to see them on regular surface streets as well. It's all I can do to keep Ellen from taking pictures of them.
Not quite getting hit by a bolt of lightning, but close:
A pastor was electrocuted during a baptism in Waco, Texas, after grabbing a microphone while partially submerged.Rev Kyle Lake, 33, was standing in a small pool used for baptisms at the University Baptist Church when he was electrocuted on Sunday morning.
Actually, even I'm surprised there's that much current flowing through (what I presume to be) a standard microphone. Pow!
Remember folks, be careful what you click:
Worms on IM networks can spread rapidly. They appear as a message from a buddy with a link that looks innocent, but in fact points to malicious code somewhere on the Internet. Once the user clicks on the link, malicious code is installed and runs on the computer. The worm then spreads itself by sending messages to all names on the victim's contact list.The advice to users is to be careful when clicking on links in IM messages--even when they seem to come from friends--and to use up-to-date antivirus software. When receiving a link in an instant message, the best practice is to verify with the sender if the link was sent intentionally or not.
It took Ellen about three years before she was finally tricked into unzipping a virus on her old computer, but this'll be a lot harder to spot. I guess it's time to finally install some anti-V on the stuff at home.
Never think humanity is already as weird as it can get:
A new Indian documentary focuses on a secretive sect of Hindu ascetics who eat corpses in the belief that ingesting dead flesh will make them ageless and give them supernatural powers."Feeding on the Dead," a 10-minute documentary, delves into the little-known world of the Aghori sect, whose holymen pluck dead bodies from the Ganges River in northern India.
I wonder what they do when a member of their sect grows old and dies?
No, wait. I don't want to know.
Not content with various elaborate carving techniques, people seem to be moving to a pumpkin of a different color.
I haven't messed around with carving real pumpkins since the mid 70s. Too much mess, and all that really happened was teenagers would come by and ruin them. I think the hollow "carvable" styrofoam ones you get at craft stores are a much better idea.
Tattoo fans in the audience will probably find BadTattoos.com worth a chuckle (or groan). Of course, one person's bad tat is another's work of art, so don't shoot me I'm just the messenger!
Note: the site is large. The bits I looked at were SFW, but I have no idea if the entire site is.
See! See! When you institute controls on a commodity, shortages always happen:
A Brussels fertility clinic claims it is being swamped by demand from French lesbian couples seeking fertility treatment."Last year, of the inseminations using a donor's sperm, 72 percent of patients came from France, with a majority of them being homosexual," the Erasmus fertility clinic's head Anne Delbaere told La Libre Belgique.
...
"We haven't got enough sperm samples in stock to meet all the demand," she said. "We don't want to close access to French female couples, but we can't welcome them at the expense of heterosexual couples," said Delbaere.
In a perfect world, someone out there would set up a business that connected willing couples with willing donors at whatever price they thought would make a profit. While the US has the entrepenurialism to make it happen, we're so hung up on the social implications it probably never will. Somewhere in Latin America though, a businessman probably has a cunning plan...
Welcome to the next in a long line of looney right wingers wishing to save the United States, one state at a time:
Cory Burnell wants to set up a Christian nation within the United States where abortion is illegal, gay marriage is banned, schools cannot teach evolution, children can pray to Jesus in public schools and the Ten Commandments are posted publicly.To that end, Burnell, 29, left the Republican Party, moved from California and founded Christian Exodus two years ago with the goal of redirecting the United States by "redeeming" one state at a time.
The difference between these loons and, say, the Earth First'ers is that at least this bunch won't give it all away to the bears and the bunnies. And, at least for now, they don't go around setting stuff on fire in the name of one cute furry creature or another.
Ron gets a sculpted no-prize with a purpose for bringing us images from a rather... unique... art exhibit. Safe for work, but I'm not so sure for the bathroom.
But don't you dare put any restrictions on their licenses:
St. Petersburg, Florida -- Police are investigating a bizarre hit and run crash.Investigators say 93-year-old Ralph Parker hit a pedestrian on 34th Street and 46th Avenue South on Wednesday night. He then he drove three miles with the victim's body lodged in the windshield.
I fully support mandatory driver's tests at least every 2 years for anyone over 70. The reason why it's not a law in all 50 states? Old people vote. Think about that next time you decide heading to the polls is too much trouble.
What is this, a Mel Brooks movie or something?
An elderly blind woman who lived alone was burned and died after trying to microwave clothing at her home in Newcastle, north of Sydney.
...
Authorities believe the woman removed the clothes from the microwave, not realising they were on fire, and set her nightgown alight in the process, a police spokeswoman said.
See mom, it's bad to store flammable stuff inside ovens!
Hey, at least it didn't happen in Arkansas:
St. Louis police believe that a woman who was found dead Tuesday afternoon in a rear window in the 5400 block of Mimika Avenue had become wedged there while trying to burglarize a house and died of asphyxiation.
And isn't that a lovely thing to come home to?
Not quite the iceman, but strange nonetheless:
It was a plane crash back in 1942 that wasn't discovered until 1947. Now, hikers made a frozen discovery in connection with a World War II plane crash.Hikers found the frozen body of an airman while scaling Mount Mendel Glacier in the Sequoia National Park. Now, the military is working to find out who this airman is and whether he was ever reported missing.
It's believed the airman has been frozen in the glacier for decades until a pair of climbers got much more than ever imagined on a hike.
The Sierra Nevadas are apparently littered with crashes from the WWII era, which I suppose is what you'd expect when you put hundreds of low-time pilots in an area where most of the landscape points up.
These guys just take what they want.
Their partnership involved carving body parts out of corpses for eventual sale to legitimate transplant businesses: bone for dental implants and orthopedic reconstruction and skin and fat for burn victims and cosmetic procedures.
I know you want to read more.
Remember folks, beds make poor ash trays:
A 67-year-old Redding [CA] woman who promised her sister she would give up cigarettes November 1st has died in a fire that started when she fell asleep while smoking.Evon Wood called 911 late Thursday night and told the dispatcher that her clothes and mobile home were on fire. Firefighters found Wood's body near her kitchen sink.
A rather nasty way to go, even for a Darwin candidate.
Fark linked up one place we'll never be having a movie night:
Almost one in three people attacked by crocodiles were drunk at the time, Australia's most comprehensive review of croc attacks reveals.The figures show why it's not a good idea to drink too much if you're in or near water in northern Australia, says zoologist Dr Adam Britton of Wildlife Management International, who has co-authored research showing a 30-fold increase in crocodile attacks over the past three decades.
Because, you know, I wouldn't want any of my friends to get drunk, wander off, and get eaten. Yeah, friends. Me, I don't touch the stuff.
Clover tomorrow. I didn't like it at first, but it sorta grew on me. Well, him, actually.
See! I knew tattoos were bad for you:
A Brooklyn father getting a tattoo called "Last Rites" inked into his flesh passed out and crashed headfirst into a glass counter yesterday, killing himself, police and witnesses said.Joaquin Laguer, 27, nearly was decapitated during the horrific accident inside Buzz Tattoo, an unlicensed parlor in East Williamsburg.
What service... a tattoo and a close shave!
So says my lace-ensconced daughter (see pictures below), for the last two or three days. Now it looks like she'll be saying it for a very long time indeed:
Toy maker Mattel Inc, known for Barbie fashion dolls, is expanding the plastic icon's domain to include high-end designer clothing and accessories for adult women.The merchandise, which includes jeans, shirts, handbags and jewelry, is designed by well-known fashion designers and will sell under the name Barbie Luxe.
There's all sorts of inappropriate comments involving undressing I could make, but considering the two year old sitting next to me, well, there just aren't enough words to express how skeevy it would be to note them. See! See! I can be grown up!
The rest of you, probably not so much. :)
Struggling to lure customers back amid increased competition, McDonald's is adding a new item to its menu in Japan: the shrimp burger.The $2.40 burger, shown to reporters Friday and set to go on sale this month, is the latest effort by the Japan unit of the U.S. fast-food chain to win over Japanese palates -- and spark sales.
If the original Iron Chef is any indication, there isn't a thing that gets dragged from the ocean that a Japanese won't eat. This should go down (as it were) well.
Looks like PC groupthink is alive and well in England:
An injured pedestrian has complained that she was ticked off by a police officer for using the word “fat” to describe a hit-and-run motorist.Mary Magilton, 54, said she was simply trying to give the officer an accurate description of the female driver whose car mounted the pavement and hit her at a busy road junction.
Instead of the officer taking a note of her description, he paused and told her she could not use such language to describe an alleged offender.
The British have a reputation for being so polite it's a wonder they're able to reproduce, but even good manners have their limits. Sometimes you just gotta call 'em like ya see 'em.
Because there would definitely seem to be a killer on the road:
Long used to kidnappers and drug hitmen, Mexico's capital is now in fear of another type of criminal: a serial killer in women's clothes who strangles and batters old ladies in their homes.Police believe a single murderer is responsible for the unusual killings of four elderly women in the city so far this year and may have committed some of 37 others since 2003.
True-crime fans (you know who you are) should have a great time with this one.
Just in time for the holiday, a list of some really weird diseseases. Most are (big surprise) rooted in mental illnesses, but others... I mean, come on, "blue skin disease?"
I almost put it under "funny" because I can remember so many guys in college who wanted to do just this:
Smurfette is left for dead. Baby Smurf is left crying and orphaned as the Smurf's village is carpet bombed by warplanes — a horrific scene and imagery not normally associated with the lovable blue-skinned cartoon characters.These are the scenes being shown as part of a new UNICEF ad-campaign on Belgian television.
Yes, college. Hey, most of my college buddies were engineers, it's not like they had girlfriends or anything.
Does anyone even watch the Smurfs anymore? Around my house we're transitioning out of the Wiggles and Barney and into Pixar and... *shudder*... "Bah-lee Bah-bee!!!" [Ballet Barbie]
Well, maybe as a nation they are, but individually they don't got nothin' on this roadkill-eating British retiree. Hey, it's in the Sun, it's got to be true.
Yet another reason why very large predatory animals are challenging to farm:
A Chinese man who raised bears to tap them for their bile, prized as a traditional medicine in Asia, has been killed and eaten by his animals, Xinhua news agency said on Tuesday.Six black bears attacked keeper Han Shigen as he was cleaning their pen in the northeastern province of Jilin on Monday, Xinhua said.
When you read the details of what this guy was doing to these critters, the headline will start making a lot more sense. Sometimes I think if it weren't for "traditional Asian medicine" the whole concept of endangered species would've been obsolete long ago.
I'd always read and heard about Japan's obsession with vending machines, but I'd never actually seen any, until now. Includes a picture of the infamous "used school girl panties" machine. No, really!
Mothers use his name to scare their children while even adults hope they don't bump into him in the dark -- for more than 40 years Gopal Haldar has been making his living in India's Sunderbans mangrove region as a ghost.
With picture!
Today's entry in the "don't you have anything better to do?" category comes to us from Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine:
Filed yesterday in D.C. Superior Court by an organization that promotes vegetarian diets, the suit charges that Giant, Safeway and other milk retailers have failed to warn lactose-intolerant consumers of the risks of drinking milk.
Now pardon me sparky, but it would seem to me that if someone knew they were lactose-intolerant, that would pretty much clue them into the fact that drinking milk would be, you know, bad?
But wait! There's more!
The lawsuit is not the first time that the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine has dueled with the dairy industry in court. In June, the group filed a lawsuit accusing the industry of defrauding the public by claiming in ads that people could lose weight by consuming more dairy products. The industry has stood by its claim that consuming dairy products helps with weight loss when coupled with calorie restriction.
Yeah. Calorie restriction. Also known as, you know, "eating less." Sort of like saying gas prices won't affect you if you hang this special air freshener in your car and drive a hybrid.
I'm going to be really pissed if it turns out my tax dollars are getting anywhere near these two.
Waitaminute... dairy farmers?!? Noooooo!!!
No, really, when birds attack:
A Sunshine Coast university student will need to have an artificial lens fitted to his right eye after it was speared by a wild darter bird perched on a railing at Australia Zoo at Beerwah.The freak accident happened last Thursday in the open wetlands area of the zoo, which is frequented by wild ducks, herons and other waterbirds.
~ "What'll we see at the zoo / what'll we see at the zoo-zee-zoo / what'll we see as w- ARRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!!" ~
The various nurses and veterinary technicians in my life will be greatly disappointed to learn medical examiners would appear to be on to their "secret sauce":
A jury convicted a woman Tuesday of murdering her 71-year-old husband with injections of her diabetic daughter's insulin to keep him from learning she had gambled away $4,000.Barbara Garcia, 63, of Hobart faces a maximum sentence of 65 years in prison when she is sentenced Nov. 15.
Extra-creepy "what an amateur! She should have done XYZ instead!" comments from said family members in 3... 2... 1...
Pat gets a mysteriously glowing no-prize for bringing us news of confirmation of the mysterious phenomenon known as the "milky sea":
Mariners have long told of rare nighttime events in which the ocean glows intensely as far as the eye can see in all directions.Fictionally, such a "milky sea" is encountered by the Nautilus in Jules Verne classic "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea."
Scientists don't have a good handle what's going on. But satellite sensors have now provided the first pictures of a milky sea and given new hope to learning more about the elusive events.
The article linked pictures, but they wouldn't come up for me. Maybe for their next trick they'll finally get some pictures of those UFOs that are based in the Bermuda Triangle.
The Religious Policeman, via our other fav Arab blog Mahmood, linked up a rather graphically... unfortunate "boy-and-his-camel" story. Poor thing ended up as camelburgers.
Well, that may be, but this guy obviously didn't think so:
Japanese private broadcaster TV Asahi showed footage of a man standing on an iron frame on the exterior of the 333-meter Tokyo Tower and unfurling a banner adorned with a large red heart and words that appeared to be the name of a girl.
I saw a documentary about base jumpers a few years back, and they noted you could only spend so much time near powerful TV transmitters before you started feeling the effects. The one they noted was tooth fillings getting hot enough to burn your mouth. Maybe he didn't have any?
Ok, sorry, but the words "heliotherapy" and "penis" just do not go together:
A Mr Kang who went to a private hospital to have foreskin resection has lost more than he expected, the Xinmin Evening News reported Friday.Kang, a middle-aged man, read an advertisement and went to a private hospital in Jinshan District on September 8. He followed doctor's instruction to take a course of microwave "heliotherapy". After one hour, Kang noticed that his penis had been burned black and was painful. He had difficulty passing water but the doctor had gone off work and he could find nobody to help him.
Microwaves are bad, mmkay?
Jim over at Jimspot made a rather startling discovery about his pool recently:
So, out to the pool I go... it's an ARROW!!! ... Not a toy, mind you, an honest-to-goodness, real arrow shot from a bow. It was embedded in the side of the pool, too, so it must have been shot over the fence.
The ultimate culprit: teenaged boys. Which should surprise absolutely no-one. I'm amazed any male manages to get through the ages of 12-22 alive. Myself included.
Oh what could possibly go wrong here:
Roadside speed cameras will be redundant eventually because vehicles will automatically cop themselves for speeding.This is the plan of the Department for Transport, which has commissioned companies to develop aircraft-style black boxes for cars.
This one just bursts with alternate headlines:
Statist interference at its finest. Hey, at least it's not our tax dollars at work.
I mean, who would've thought she could make it even worse:
Sentencing for a Colorado woman who had sex with high school boys has been postponed. She's been hurt in an auto accident that could land her in even bigger trouble.Police say she was a passenger in an SUV being driven by a 14-year-old girl.
I think I can smell the booze on her breath from here. At least nobody got killed. This time at least.
An Australian man has told how he narrowly escaped being crushed to death inside a rubbish lorry after he fell unconscious following a night out.CCTV footage shows a group of men tipping Wayne Griffin into a bin which hours later was collected by a compactor in Perth.
In Australia drinking seems to be treated as both a science and an industrial project. Before she left, our lone Australian employee would regale me of various Amusing Incidents and even detailed her purpose-assembled "drinking outfit" (t-shirt, sweat pants, special flat-soled sneakers). Makes me wonder why this sort of thing doesn't happen more often.
From Slashdot, a story of what could be the most bizzarre fallout from hurricane Katrina:
... Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.
Not frikken lasers, but close.
Hey, with a headline like this you know we have to link it:
Getting rid of illusion of time, reaching the state of integrated singularity type IV advanced alien civilizations travel instantaneously
Well, duh, of course getting rid of the illusion of time will do all that. Don't you guys watch the sci-fi channel?
none of my [college] students was alive, for example, when Ronald Reagan was elected president... a quote from a review of this book.
Nobody said the 1980s would become more than 20 years ago! I am not supposed to have a 20 year high school reunion next year! I did not vote for this! You! Ticking clock! You stop that, right now!
When I was little I was amazed that my mom and dad could remember a time when there was no such thing as TV. Amazed. But they were kids, little kids, when The Great Couch Potato Creator made its debut. I can't even begin to count the number of technologies Olivia will take for granted that didn't exist when I graduated high school.
Oh shut up. Shut up. You're catching up with me. And don't worry, I have your walker right here...
Sometimes posession isn't 9/10ths of the law, it's 10/10ths of getting arrested:
Police found cases of food, clothing and tools intended for hurricane victims at the home of the chief administrative officer for a New Orleans suburb, authorities said Wednesday.
Considering Lousiana's and New Orleans's well-deserved but mostly unreported reputation for spectacular corruption, I can only think this is the tip of a gigantic graft-driven iceberg. Personally, I'm expecting about 1/3rd of our heard-earned and well-intentioned donations and tax dollars to end up lining various politico's pockets*. It's the only way to make sure the other 2/3rds get there as fast as possible.
Really, it's a no-win scenario (for honest people at any rate). The only way to make sure relief gets where it needs to go is audit, audit, audit. However, audits take time, and pretty much define bureaucratic red tape and slow government movement. It only takes one soft-headed bleeding heart (or heard-headed political machiavellian, both of which the Democrats have in abundance) to start screaming, with a megaphone only our sycophantic "anything-to-stick-it-to-the-president" national media can provide, "faster! Sooner! Only racists are this slow!" to force their hand.
Keep your eyes open folks, this is just the beginning.
----
* They'll be Democratic pockets, but that's mostly a coincidence. Shoving this much money down the throat of any government this fast, really anywhere in the world, will always lead to endemic corruption. I am continually amazed that people are amazed by this.
Man, when some folks talk about how bland US TV shows are, they're not kidding:
A television presenter on a new Dutch talk show plans to take heroin and other illegal drugs on air in a program intended to reach young audiences on topics that touch their lives, producers said Wednesday.The show, scheduled to premier on late-night television Oct. 10, is called "Spuiten & Slikken," or the "Shoot Up and Swallow" show.
I especially like the fact they plan on the host doing LSD while under the supervision of his mom. And all this time I thought my mom offering to buy me a beer when I turned 18 was liberal!

There are a lot of dead people in that building.
Part of the marquee of a strange/funny haunted house thing that was part of the VA Beach strip.
Reason #324 not to visit Antarctica: hungry glaciers:
Fears are growing over the fate of two Argentines who fell down a deep crevasse in Antarctica on Saturday.The two - a scientist and a member of the navy - were crossing the Collins Glacier, on King George Island, on a snowmobile when they disappeared.
Sarlaac unavailable for comment.
I guess it's sort of like the adult version of the "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?" So come, gentle reader, and explore how many condoms one can fit on a penis:
We set about to examine the results of our work in detail. First we measured the length of the finished specimen, which now measured 17” from base to tip. The condoms added 9 ½” of length, more than doubling the dildo’s original length, and representing an increase of more than 125%. Measuring around the thickest part of the condom-wrapped dildo, we found the girth was now 10 ¾”, an increase of 5 ½” over the original circumference of 5 ¼”. Again this represents an increase of over 100%.
If a picture of a fake plastic wang would get you in trouble at work, leave this one for when you get home. Blogging on vacation rocks.
I guess he should be glad he never had to touch a doorknob:
An Australian man built up a 40,000-volt charge of static electricity in his clothes as he walked, leaving a trail of scorched carpet and molten plastic and forcing firefighters to evacuate a building.
I always grab a doorknob or metal bit forcefully when I know I'm carrying a charge, seems to take the sting out of it. Otherwise I tend to throw arcs across three inch gaps at times.
Because only over-sensitive PC holdouts would have a problem with this thing:
The undershirt the white student wore had a confederate flag on the front with the words "Keep it flying."
"Well Scott, that might be a bit tacky, but it's not too bad."
On the back, a cartoon depicted a group of hooded Klansmen standing outside a church, waving to two others who had just pulled away in a car reading "Just married."Two black men in nooses were being dragged behind.
Good thing it happened in Florida. If this idiot had pulled a stunt like this where I grew up, getting hit on the head would be the least of his worries. And it wouldn't just be the black kids he'd be running from.
What I want to know is, where are you supposed to put the gigantic "old school" handset for your cell phone? I seem to recall we featured something like this years ago, but that was in Asia. Seems to be spreading. Like, you know, a tacky pink bakelite plague or something.
guns don't kill people, tombstones kill people:
An inebriated Belgian woman died in a freak accident when she ended up beneath a heavy grave stone at a cemetery, local news agency Belga said Wednesday.
Now if that's not a gothic way to go, I'm not sure what is.
Finally Fark leads us to the people who are really responsible for hurricane Katrina:
A meteorologist in Pocatello, Idaho, claims Japanese gangsters known as the Yakuza caused Hurricane Katrina.Scott Stevens says after looking at NASA satellite photos of the hurricane, he’s is convinced it was caused by electromagnetic generators from ground-based microwave transmitters.
Dammit, those Japanese just keep getting more and more clever!
Ron gets a no-prize that'll sound an alarm when he picks it up for bringing us this story of a most unusual crime wave:
Beavercreek [Ohio] officials knew they had to do something when their 250-pound fiberglass beaver statues started going missing from the streets.So they embedded tracking devices in the six-and-a-half-foot-tall sculptures, which are being displayed to celebrate the city's 25th anniversary.
Time to start checking e-bay!
A parasitic worm that makes the grasshopper it invades jump into water and commit suicide does so by chemically influencing its brain, a study of the insects’ proteins reveal.The parasitic Nematomorph hairworm (Spinochordodes tellinii) develops inside land-dwelling grasshoppers and crickets until the time comes for the worm to transform into an aquatic adult. Somehow mature hairworms brainwash their hosts into behaving in way they never usually would – causing them to seek out and plunge into water.
Includes creepy "worm pulling out of bug" picture. *shudder*
I used to think this sort of thing was how I'd quickly collect on Ellen's life insurance (via panic-induced heart attack):
A 12-year-old boy awoke to an unpleasant surprise this week when a python bit him in his bed. Michael Rodriguez discovered the 4-foot snake clinging to his right arm early Monday morning. He flailed his arm, flinging the snake to the carpet.
Now I know it'd be all I could do to keep her from adopting it. Thing is, these people don't even own a snake!
Hell with phone police, looks like they've got phone enforcers over in the UK:
A householder has received a letter threatening to put him in hospital if he did not pay his phone bill.
...
The letter reads: "Dear Mr Harding, With regards to your bill, your balance presently stands at £292.65p as from 23rd August your bill will be £600."Failure to pay will result in you being hospitalised. If you thought the events of July 7th and July 21st were bad that is nothing compared to what will happen to you."
I always roll my eyes at my wife's panicky reactions to strongly worded collection notes. But this one, this one I'd probably take seriously.
Looks like the US isn't the only country with unusual obesity problems:
A German court has ruled that Mercedes must release a man from a car lease deal after a dispute over whether he was too heavy to drive the luxury vehicle, Bild newspaper reported on Tuesday.
Of course, the question I'm wondering about is, how'd he fit in the car in the first place?
RentMyDaughter is a subsidiary of ChildNet Services, with its corporate headquarters in San Diego, CA. In addition, we also maintain 4 regional offices across the United States.RentMyDaughter provides safe and trustworthy child-rental services in multiple metropolitan areas. Our service area is growing every year and we are on target to provide services in 50 cities by the end of 2006.
Ok de-bunkers, go find out if this thing is for-real or not. I got a kid that needs to start earning her keep.
It's a joke mom, a joke. I'll wait at least a few more years before renting her out.
Remember folks, to liberals this is actually a very sensible policy:
Grieving families across the West [UK] may find the homes of deceased loved ones taken over by bureaucrats to help the homeless, it was claimed yesterday.Under Government plans, local councils are set to be given sweeping powers allowing them to take temporary control of empty private houses and then rent them out. Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott is proposing that the tough new orders could be brought into play when a house has been unoccupied for as little as six months.
As I recall, it took my mom and my uncle quite a bit longer than a year to sell my grandparent's home after their deaths. I can only imagine what said mom's and uncle's reaction would be if they came with a realtor to the property and found a homeless family had been placed there by the city. I'm sure it would do wonders for the resale value as well.
That's the glory of ivory towers... you can't see the details of your engineered tragedies from way up there.
He's gonna need a bigger smokehouse:
Hunter Wayne Haldane has caught what is thought to be one of the biggest ferals in Queensland near his home in Kennedy, north of Cardwell.The boar weighed 270kg and the only scales that could hold it were electronic ones used to weigh cattle.
Most feral pigs, which hide in sugar cane, weigh 60kg-150kg.
Even at the smaller size, feral pigs are dangerous. They were a leading cause of childhood death in pre-industrial Europe, and even domestic ones need to be treated with healthy respect.
My relatives think my snake is horrible, but they have not seen this yet!
This is literally something from an Ozzy video!
Jellyfish Cause Reactor Shutdown in Sweden:
A Swedish nuclear power plant shut down one of its three reactors Monday because of an abnormal accumulation of jellyfish in the cooling system.
Where are Dory and Marlin when you need them?
Crime author Patricia Cornwell has taken out full-page ads in two national newspapers to deny she is obsessed with Jack the Ripper.
Read entire article here.
Well, I guess we have to give him points for trying:
A Mexican city at the heart of a raging drug war is trying to woo back jittery Texan day trippers by offering free bus tours with an armed police escort."The aim is to shake off the bad image that we have and give a boost to the craft markets and restaurants in the center, where business is almost nil," Nuevo Laredo's tourism director Ramon Garza told Reuters on Wednesday.
Nuevo Laredo has been singled out for special "stay the f- away" mention by the State Department, since apparently the drug gangs have been shooting RPGs at each other lately. Oh, and did we mention the 30 kidnappings of US citizens? Yeah, definitely the garden spot of the Mexico border, donchaknow.
This made the rounds a few days ago on a forum I couldn't link up: not only does he work with goofy props, he can also kick your butt to the moon.
The comments seem to include people who've actually been in a gym with him, and the general consensus of those is "no 'roids, just work". Which is all well and good, but I can't get over how weird he looks. To me, it's like he's got contacts in or something.
Oh well, as long as he stays out of trouble and pays his taxes, none of my damned business what he looks like. Although I would suggest perhaps a belt or suspenders next time the camera guy comes around.
Janes, via Fark, is reporting some suspicious activity around Varyag, the never-completed Russian carrier the Chinese bought seven years ago:
Chinese shipyard workers have been repairing a badly damaged ex-Russian aircraft carrier and have repainted it with the country's military markings, raising the question once again of whether China is pursuing longer-term plans to field its first carrier.In the latest developments, images show that workers at the Chinese Dalian Shipyard have repainted the ex-Russian Kuznetsov-class aircraft carrier Varyag with the markings and colour scheme of the People's Liberation Army (PLA) Navy (PLAN). Additional new photographs show that other work, the specifics of which could not be determined, appears to be continuing and that the condition of the vessel is being improved.
Long-time military buffs should remember Varyag... it was the hapless hulk that was towed around the Black Sea for several years (I think as many as three) while people figured out how to get it to China. Most of its hatches and elevators had been open to the elements for years previously, and it did not have a powerplant or rudder. The thing was widely considered a rusting pile of junk then, although it's hard to say what four years of industrious work may have done to improve the situation.
While a single carrier is enough to raise eyebrows in the west (and give its primary target, India, an ulcer or two), this will definitely not threaten the US's Pacific fleet, which at last count has six. If it is eventually turned into a military asset, the Chinese will learn what every other nation has learned about big-deck carriers... they're very expensive, insanely complex, and more than a little dangerous to operate. There's a reason only seven nations in history have ever operated them, and of those only one in any real numbers since WWII. With a name as incongruous as "The People's Liberation Army Navy", I think it may be a long time indeed before Varyag ever gets underway.
Well, there go two careers down the toilet:
Two Norfolk-based guided missile destroyers collided off the coast of Jacksonville, on Monday afternoon while conducting exercises, The Virginian-Pilot reported.
Nobody was hurt, so maybe it was just a kiss? Considering ships aren't designed to be bumper cars, I kinda doubt it.
Fark links up news that the myserious "Piano Man" has returned home... to Germany. Confidentiality laws prevent the complete story from being told, but it would appear the guy was mentally ill (duh), trying to kill himself when he was picked up, and couldn't really play the piano all that well after all.
Boy, am I glad my battleship-nut brother Jeff doesn't live in San Francisco. 'Cause if he did, he'd probably be pretty pissed off right now:
Veterans groups and history buffs had hoped tourists in San Francisco could walk the same teak decks [of the battleship USS Iowa] where sailors dodged Japanese machine-gun fire and fired 16-inch guns that helped win battles across the South Pacific.Instead, it appears the retired battleship is headed about 80 miles inland, to Stockton, a gritty agricultural port town on the San Joaquin River and home of California’s annual asparagus festival.
...
[San Francisco] city supervisors voted 8-3 last month to oppose taking in the ship, citing local opposition to the Iraq war and the military’s stance on gays, among other things."If I was going to commit any kind of money in recognition of war, then it should be toward peace, given what our war is in Iraq right now," Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi said.
Just when you thought soft-headed PC lefties couldn't get any dumber.
Of course, one city's politically incorrect monument is another city's impressive tourist attraction, so let's hear it for the city planners of Stockton! May the sales taxes and admission charges they reap from this impressive bit of history enable the funding of many a small-town improvement project.
Via Jason, who quite rightly notes:
Yes, a museum ship that fought in World War II, Korea, and the Gulf War, and a piece of our nation's history isn't good enough for San Francisco.Just don't question their patriotism.
Indeed...
[T]oday’s Transom has a downright disturbing item about Brooklyn artist Chris Hackett ... who is constructing a fully-functional suitcase bomb. The piece is courtesy of the Madagascar Institute, a radical art organization which is organizing an exhibition to be shown at either Cooper Union or South Street Seaport the week of September 11.
The saddest part is, when the various local, state, and federal law enforcement agencies come and shut this down, they'll actually have the nerve to a) act surprised, b) claim censorship, and c) blame neoconservbushitlercans.
You know, I actually did try to figure out what a preeventualist is, but then I got to this:
On the contrary, preeventualism is founded on the understanding that hope will always prevail in any mode of thinking. The preeventualist simply opts for a primitive philosophy, wherein concepts are abstract and ideas have not grown to a point where hope can be inspired.Which is why many have referred to preeventualism as surintellectualism.
and my head exploded. Maybe Joshua can figure it out.
Pat gets an unpredictably powerful no-prize for bringing us news (and pictures!) from the wonderful world of MRI screwups.
Go in like a conscientious person to make sure you're not going to get killed by cancer, get killed by a flying fire extinguisher instead. Can't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor...
Because all his plastic might melt:
Steve Erhardt is a man in search of perfection. A virtual human "Ken" doll, the celebrity hairstylist and makeup artist has undergone approximately 30 cosmetic surgeries and subsequent maintenance and has spent close to $250,000 out of his own pocket to achieve his current look.
He works in Hollywood, duh. I'm always amazed how people try to look fabulous with plastic surgery and just end up looking freaky.
Ah well, it's their money. People like this keep an entire industry's worth of other people, from doctors to teachers to drug reps to receptionists, employed.
No, really, when child stars attack:
A former child actor and his wife were ordered to stand trial on Tuesday for the murder of a wealthy California couple who, prosecutors say, were tied to the anchor of their yacht and thrown overboard alive, never to be seen again.Orange County Superior Court Judge John Conley ordered 26-year-old Skylar Deleon, who once starred in the "Power Rangers" TV series, and his wife, 24-year-old Jennifer Henderson Deleon, to stand trial for the murders after a two-day preliminary hearing in Santa Ana, south of Los Angeles.
And we all thought Todd Bridges and Dana Plato were bad seeds...
Ron gets a... *gAk* ... Ron gets a no-prize for bringing us... this:
A Seattle man died after engaging in anal sex with a horse at a farm suspected of being a gathering place for people seeking to have sex with livestock, police said Friday.
Definitely some sort of lifetime achievement no-prize, in the category of "skeeve-ment", is deserved here.
Exactly how he stumbled across this one... no, no... NO!!! I *DO NOT* want to know!
Billy, Ellen's inveterate fisherman step-dad, better watch out... those fish are getting smart:
A fish caught in an east German lake near the Polish border not only got off the hook but also lured a 46-year-old fisherman to his death, police in the eastern town of Eisenhuettenstadt said on Tuesday.
Some day I need to get one of her family to write up the time Suzanne (Ellen's mom) caught a snake with one of Billy's prized rod-and-reel kits.
Ok, as far as comfort food goes, for me there's nothing like pizza. But in a cone? Apparently already successful in other parts of the world, this... novelty... will make its premier in California very soon.
Those out there who hold Cindy Sheehan up as some sort of example, well, if this isn't retracted or clarified soon...:
Anti-war protestor Cindy Sheehan, whose soldier son Casey was killed in Iraq, is calling for Bush's "impeachment," and for Israel to get out of Palestine!"You get America out of Iraq and Israel out of Palestine and you'll stop the terrorism," Sheehan declares.
If it does prove to be true, I'll be disappointed but not particularly surprised. She wouldn't be the first person to use the death of their own child to score political points.
Hmm? Insensitive? What part of "cats, anger, and science fiction" didn't you understand?
Since so much of the MSM has latched on to this story in the hope it'll find traction against the current administration, I don't expect any real reporting of these quotes. If they can't refute it, the MSM will simply engineer a sudden disappearance of Ms. Sheehan from the stage as the timer on her 15 minutes ring up. To the likes of Maureen Dowd, retractions are things that happen to other people.
But then, that's exactly what you expected me to say, hmm? Being right can be funny that way, after all.
No, really... when golf courses attack:
A nearly 40-foot tree limb fell next to the fourth green at the PGA Championship on Friday, injuring a spectator and two television employees.The limb sheered off a red oak next to the green and a television tower at Baltusrol Golf Club, and fell approximately 60 feet.
A spectator and two employees of Turner/CBS Sports were injured, the PGA of America said in a statement. The names of the injured were not immediately released.
Pat gets a no-prize that talks softly into a microphone for no reason for bringing us this bit of golf "excitement". She gets a special bonus for this bon mot: "At least there were no boy scouts around the tree."
Indeed...
Olivia has loved "eh-fants" ever since she went to the National Zoo. However, I don't think she'll be seeing this one any time soon:
Elephant experts are getting ready to send an ill-tempered 38-year-old pachyderm to Tacoma, where she'll join two other females not known for their social graces.The move is expected to ease tensions at Seattle's Woodland Park Zoo, where Bamboo's intolerance for younger elephants and their calves has forced handlers to separate the herd at times.
I wonder if they offer a similar service for cranky retired nurses? I'm just asking...
Not content with Mr. Abominable, the Himalayas now seem to have new residents:
On June 22, 2004, the photographer went to Tibet’s Amdo region to attend the Qinghai-to-Xizang Railroad laying ceremony, and then took a plane from Lhasa to fly back inland. When flying over the Himalaya’s, he accidentally caught these two "dragons" in a picture that he took. He called these two objects "the Tibet dragons."
The picture is very small on the website, but to me it looks like it might be some sort of glacier oddity. Assuming, of course, it exists at all.
Is Canada less a country than it is a bunch of squabbling provinces flying in formation? Sometimes it sure does seem that way:
Canada is going through another spate of separation anxiety. Usually it’s the product of Quebec’s Parti Quebecois' cultural and political demands, but according to CNEWS, a chunk of Western Canadians have had it with the Maple Leaf. Disgust with the ruling Liberal Party's "Adscam" money-laundering scandal, elements of which reach to Canadian Prime Minister and Liberal Party leader Paul Martin, has spurred some of the grumbling.
The last time I heard these sorts of grumblings around here (when people though California should be split into two to four states, about twenty years ago) the conventional wisdom was it would take something like three or four constitutional amendments to even make it possible. The Civil War placed a padlock on our states... they're not going anywhere.
It would appear Canada does not have this "problem", hence they seem to regularly and seriously discuss the hand-grenading of their own country.
Fark linked up exactly what happens when a truck carrying 35,000 pounds of explosives rolls over and catches on fire:
The explosion left a crater in the two-lane highway estimated to be between 60 feet and 80 feet wide and between 20 feet and 35 feet deep, Utah Department of Transportation spokesman Tom Hudachko said.“The entire road is gone, shoulder to shoulder, there's no asphalt left,” he said.
Didn't get the "cool" tag because, although nobody was killed, the driver seems to have gotten himself messed up pretty good.
I'm just glad it didn't happen around here. People will slow down and look at anything on the highways in this area... car crashes, police, even mowers on the other side of the highway. There would've been some damned dead rubberneckers if this thing had rolled over on I-66 or the Beltway.
Considering how irritating it is to get stuck in a ten mile backup because of the gawkers, I'm conflicted as to whether or not that would necessarily be a bad thing.
I've seen some strange children's art shows, but this thing takes the cake. The contrast to our current eggshell walk when it comes to Islam is instructive.
James H. gets a no-prize with a funny bulge in its jacket for bringing us news of the latest goings-on in the Japanese ganster world:
Yoshinori Watanabe shocked Japan's underworld late July with the announcement that he was standing down as the kumicho, or chairman, of the Yamaguchi-gumi, Japan's biggest yakuza syndicate, according to Asahi Geino (8/11).Even more surprising than Watanabe's retirement after 16 years at the helm was the announcement of his replacement - Shinobu Tsukasa, a 63-year-old who was only appointed as the gang's wakagashira, or number 2 man, just two months ago following an eight-year hiatus when nobody had occupied the position.
I've read in numerous places over the years that the difference between Yakuza organizations and the more garden-variety Zaibatsu was more nuanced than most folks in the west realized. While still just as destructive and parasitic as our own mafia, it would seem (even from this report) they are far more corporate, organized, and accepted in Japan.
In other words, they're Japanese mafia, with all the whip-snap weirdness that implies.
Sounds like a "TV Movie of the Week" to me:
Doctors fear that the identity of a mysterious mute pianist found wandering on an English beach in April might never be known, a British newspaper reported on Monday.
...
The so-called "Piano Man", a tall blonde-haired stranger thought to be in his 20s or early 30s, was found on April 7 on the beach at Minster, on the south coast of England, soaking wet but fully dressed in a black suit and tie, with no clue as to his origin.He has not spoken since and has not responded to written appeals while being kept under observation in the psychiatric hospital.
...
When given a pencil and paper by hospital staff, he drew a grand piano -- and then, when shown a piano at the hospital chapel, he impressed his carers with a remarkable virtuoso performance.
I mean, really...
Today's garganto-catfish catch is brought to you by Barcelona, Spain. Includes this bon-mot:
After weighing the fish and burping her to get rid of the air in her stomach, she was released.
So exactly how do you... oh nevermind.
You have got to watch this video!
Brought to you by Planned Parenthood.
Calling the crime ‘‘repugnant,'' a federal judge Wednesday sentenced a former Gardiner woman to five years in prison for encouraging her toddler daughter to smoke marijuana.
...
A key prosecution witness was Brandi Nichols, an admitted drug user who turned Durham in after taking photographs of her holding a water pipe while her 18-month-old daughter put her mouth over the top. The water pipe, called a bong, allows smoke to be drawn through water into a glass tube and inhaled.
Now, I've gone on record before stating I think Marijuana is no worse for you than cigarettes, which is why I think it should be legalized. That said, I think it's just as stupid and probably not much less dangerous to give your toddler a cigarette. Five years seems to me a pretty intense sentence for something that caused no lasting harm to the child, then again if someone is this stupid I'm pretty sure they have no business with kids anyway.
Oh, and kudos to the Billings Gazette for the "so-hayseed-they-think-Cheech-and-Chong-is-a-burrito" description and explanation of a bong.
Sunglasses specifically designed for funerals, anyone? I always thought Ray Bans were the "in" thing, but maybe I watch too many gangster movies.
Bias? Here? At the BBC? Say it ain't so!:
Following on from much disparaging blogosphere comment (for instance Stephen Pollard, Clive Davis, Harry's Place, etc.) about the dreadfully biased studio audience selected to appear on last week's BBC news special, Questions of Security (surely Questions of Terrorism?), the BBC has admitted that "there was a deliberately disproportionate number of Muslims in [the] studio audience". Truly astonishing.'Disproportionate' hardly begins to describe the situation - according to the BBC, "around 15% of the audience" was Muslim, "as opposed to 2.7% of the country as a whole" - in other words, Muslims were more than five times over-represented. Judging from the aggressive self-righteousness of so many of the apparent Muslims among the questioners, they weren't even representative of British Muslims as a whole.
Even our network newsies didn't have balls this big a month after 9-11. Then again, they didn't have the advantage of gauranteed government finance either. Lordy I do so love socialism.
You would think people would be smarter than this.
Then again, it is the Japanese. They will do anything with electricty.
You know, if July's "Robert O' Brian idiot of the month" winner's theses were true, America would look like a George Romero film:
Thanks to the latest advances in neuroscience, we now know that pornographic visual images imprint and alter the brain, triggering an instant, involuntary, but lasting, biochemical memory trail, arguably, subverting the First Amendment by overriding the cognitive speech process. This is true of so-called “soft-core” and “hard-core” pornography. And once new neurochemical pathways are established they are difficult or impossible to delete.Pornographic images also cause secretion of the body’s “fight or flight” sex hormones. This triggers excitatory transmitters and produces non-rational, involuntary reactions; intense arousal states that overlap sexual lust--now with fear, shame, and/or hostility and violence. Media erotic fantasies become deeply imbedded, commonly coarsening, confusing, motivating and addicting many of those exposed. (See “the Violence Pyramid” at http://www.vbii.org/violence.html) Pornography triggers myriad kinds of internal, natural drugs that mimic the “high” from a street drug. Addiction to pornography is addiction to what I dub erototoxins -- mind-altering drugs produced by the viewer’s own brain.
Ed Brayton's dissection of Ms. Reisman's thesis is predictably devestating. Yet more proof that if you go far enough to one extreme of belief, you usually end up meeting people coming from the other direction.
In the annals of the great conflicts, will we soon be adding Canada vs. Denmark?
In Greenland, it's being called an unjustified occupation, while Canadian diplomats won't even deign to call it an irritant.But behind the rhetoric, experts say there is a good reason why Defence Minister Bill Graham plopped down on a barren little island in Canada's High North. Arctic sovereignty will become an increasingly important issue as global warming melts the polar ice caps, and even the government of Greenland appears to know it.
Yesterday, a key government official in Greenland chose strong words to describe Mr. Graham's move, while reports in the Danish press said the country expects to send a ship to the area next month.
And I thought the fight over Cypress was stupid...
We Tivo'd the shuttle launch yesterday and in the last minutes of the count down I remember commenting to Ellen, "look at all those damned birds! They so won't want to be there in about five minutes!"
Kinda looks like one of them didn't hear my warning.
The shuttle is fast, but as I recall it's not that quick. Of course, even if the bird didn't get splatted, there's the small matter of that whole "pillar of fire" thing coming up from behind. Something tells me this bird got thumped, had just enough time to think "wha--?!?", and then suddenly found itself standing in line for reincarnation with a guy up front yelling "next!"
Must... Not... Gloat... Karma. Level. Falling...
Vardan Kushnir, notorious for sending spam to each and every citizen of Russia who appeared to have an e-mail, was found dead in his Moscow apartment on Sunday, Interfax reported Monday. He died after suffering repeated blows to the head.
Personally I wouldn't mind them twisting ankles or maybe getting fingernails folded back, but getting beaten to death... well, that's a little extreme IMO. Plus there's the problem of the thousands of other spammers.
And just never you mind that heavily dented can of Spam in my pantry. Never you mind at all.
Via IFOC.
Making the rounds: Proof positive that the US isn't the only place in the world where some people will believe anything you tell them:
PALERMO, Italy (Reuters) - An Italian couple stole 50,000 euros from a woman in the Sicilian city of Palermo after convincing her they were vampires who would impregnate her with the son of the Anti-Christ if she did not pay them.
Hell I ended up with the daughter of the Anti-Christ and nobody demanded any money from me. Maybe Ellen's hiding the invoice...
It's a joke mom, a joke!
"Get people involved in your training!"
"Build team work around themes!"
"Provide original incentives to set performance goals!"
Which is all well and good (even if it makes "the line" gag every time they hear one of these slogans), but sometimes the middle managers, they get the wrong idea:
The internal campaign, named "Mission Jehad," addressed sales agents as "Dear terrorists" and compared selling life insurance policies to killing people, the Times of India newspaper said.The posters were used at a meeting of sales agents for the ICICI Prudential Insurance Company in the northern Indian city of Kanpur.
"Kill 10, take a branded T-shirt and be the best terrorist in the group," agents were told on posters ostensibly signed by bin Laden, the newspaper said.
However, (at least this time) India seems to have a rather neat approach to dealing with this particularly lunk-headed set of PHBs: "Police in Kanpur said five employees, including the branch manager, had been arrested Tuesday and charged with sedition."
If only that could happen to them all...
Carrie gets a voracious no-prize for bringing us news of the region's latest insect scourge... Japanese beetles:
Last summer's rains coupled with this season's scorching temperatures and tropical humidity have fostered what entomologists call the perfect climate for Japanese beetles to thrive. What's more, the region's lush green foliage has accelerated the beetle's reproduction activity."It's warm 24/7, so the beetles are up in the trees partying. They're feeding; they're mating," [Mike Raupp, who has studied insects at the University of Maryland for decades] said. "It's a big beetle party right now."
They bounce off of me regularly on my bike rides, like little buzzing marbles flying through the air. Worse still is when they manage to land on me... one actually started crawling on the strap of my helmet, right next to my ear, on a trail ride last week. I stopped so hard and so fast I could smell the brakes on my bike. And other rider's reactions? I mean, come on... just because I suddenly stopped the bike, threw my helmet off, and began swatting at my head like it was on fire... sheesh... it was like they thought they had a license to gawk...
Not content with the old standards of animals, existing dieties (ancient and modern), or even themselves, a Malaysian cult has instead chosen to worship... wait for it...
A mob fire-bombed the headquarters of a bizarre Malaysian cult built around a giant teapot Monday, police and a fireman said, two weeks after the sect was raided by religious officials.
And you people thought the Scientologists were weird!
Oh, and if those folks need a new one, my daughter has several teapots to choose from in a variety of attractive colors. Some even come with original and very cryptic colored wax* inscriptions perfect for the mystery cultists in their sect. I think one even plays music!
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* A.K.A. crayon.
What I want to know is where do they get the money to do this crazy crap? Because there's not a business in the world I can think of that'd hire someone who put a giant bulge on their forehead on purpose. Except maybe a tatoo shop. Ok, nevermind, just answered my own question.
Ick!
The fact that the guy was over seventy, never ate well in his life, and was under enormous pressure over things he could not control had nothing to do with his death. Nope, Arafat was poisoned, and of course it was the Joooooos!!!:
Late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat was fatally poisoned by Israel, the head of the dominant Palestinian movement Fatah claimed on Monday."I can categorically confirm that Abu Ammar (Arafat's nom de guerre) was poisoned," exiled Fatah chairman Faruq Qaddumi told reporters.
Which begs the question, if Israeli agents were actually able to poison him, why'd they take such a damned long time to get around to it? Such bungling and delay is far more characteristic of the Palis. Hmm....
He was an old man, people. Old men die. It's what they do. Of course, expecting the "Pali on the street" to be rational, mature, or discerning is rather like expecting a rabid ferret to understand differential calculus.
What happens when you take some frat boys, a nifty infra-red video camera, and an old house and put them together? Well, this...
I wonder if the DVD makes it any clearer the "ghost" is just a guy on a ladder?
While most people are concerned with exterminating any roaches inhabiting their homes, artist Garnet Hertz ensures they can zip around in style.Taking a cue from technology that looks to biological systems for inspiration, Hertz has constructed a three-wheeled robotic vehicle that lets a Madagascan hissing cockroach navigate a room while perched atop a ping-pong ball.
...
Hertz rotates 15 giant Madagascan cockroaches in and out of the driver's seat of the vehicle. Instead of brains, the roaches have ganglia: clumps of nerve cells on various parts of their bodies. Their relatively large size make them easier to work with than other types of roaches, and their tendency to hiss when they are upset lets him know if it's time to give one a break from playing Dale Earnhardt. They have a life span of about three years, so he has plenty of chances to let them drive.
Roachbuggies. Roachbuggies. What will they think of next?
Ron gets a badly synched no-prize for bringing us news of a rather unexpected re-make of the Disney classic, Snow White:
The Wicked Queen will not know what hit her. Snow White is about to be transformed into a martial arts epic with Shaolin monks replacing the seven dwarves of the original Grimm Brothers fairytale.In a sign of the times, Walt Disney is behind the kung fu retelling of its 1937 animated classic, which is part of an intensifying strategy to make inroads into the Chinese cinema market ahead of Hollywood rivals.
I think kung-fu movies are a hoot, so I say "why not?"
I'm actually a bit disappointed the Democratic Underground didn't think of this first:
As counterfeiting capers go, this one was not particularly noteworthy.A group of young people got together, made about 227 fake $20 bills, spent them around town and got indicted by a federal grand jury.
But then one of the conspirators' lawyers raised this routine federal case out of the ordinary with a unique legal argument: The U.S. Secret Service had "illegally seized" his client's thoughts when he confessed.
I mean, some of them sincerely believe Republican death squads are just around the corner, come to sieze anyone who didn't vote "the proper way". In a land of anonymous voting, how else would they tell?
For proof that the US isn't the only country with a sometimes wonky justice system, we have this note about Canada's most notorious female "sex killer" going free after only serving 12 years. This is not to knock the Canadians... from the article, they seem just as pissed off as anyone else that this is happening. It just seems that to get a justice system that doesn't toss people in jail (or worse) on a whim, humanity seems doomed to the occasional homicidal loon going free.
Well, free for now at any rate. As a buddhist, I'm supposed to at least leave monsters like this alone*, but as a father, if my child was a victim of this maniac... well, I'm not sure there's a place remote enough to hide, karma bedamned.
Something tells me there are probably a whole bunch of Canadians who feel the same way, and some of them may just be angry enough to act on that impulse. It's going to be very expensive to ensure this "person's" days aren't numbered in very low denominations.
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*If I recall correctly, buddhism doesn't want them to go free, it just doesn't want them dead. They can't achieve enlightenment when they're dead. But they can achieve it from the bottom of a deep, dark hole, which is where I think "people" like this should always end up. Forever.
Joshua gets a completely unsurprising no-prize for bringing us... well, this.
Ok, no more making fun of how weird southerners are, mmkay?
Jul 4 1826
A comatose Thomas Jefferson dies on the fiftieth anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, only a few hours before John Adams also expires.
Thanks to The Daily Rotten for the tidbit!
Tons of readers are e-mailing me about NBC News anchor Brian Williams' comments tonight in which he apparently compared the Founding Fathers to modern-day terrorists. The remarks seem to pooh-pooh the story about Iranian president-elect Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's alleged involvement in the 1979 hostage crisis at the U.S. embassy in Tehran.
Attaboy Brian! You show 'em!
Show 'em what expensive leather-soled shoes taste like, that is.
They'll go on and on about how unfair it is Bill Gates et. al. are so very rich, all the while letting pass without comment the millions they make each year looking pretty and reading out loud whatever's put in front of them.
The name says it all... Hooters Shooters.
Ok, maybe it doesn't say it all. Imagine, if you will, two giant fake boobies mounted to a wall in a bar...
Nah... just trust me on this one, it's for real and it's way weird.
Well, she didn't get eaten by it, but she sure did take some freaky pictures:
Then, suddenly, in a week when sharks have attacked two tourists off Panhandle beaches, Mathias had her own too-close-for-comfort encounter."It leaped out of the water about 5 feet away from me. I pulled my feet up really fast and it started snapping its jaws. I was so scared I forgot to take my finger off the button and just kept clicking."
Sometimes point-and-shoot is good.
With Taiwanese youngsters increasingly drawn to Western hamburgers and fries, government researchers are trying to lure them back with something more traditional - sort of: rainbow-colored rice.The ancient Asian staple will soon be available here in pink, green, yellow and purple, each with its own nutritional boost, said scientist Lo Tze-yen of the Hualien Agricultural Improvement Station in eastern Taiwan.
And I thought blue corn looked weird. With pictures!
Pat gets a sharp n' toothy no-prize for bringing us news of yet another "taste-test" off the coast of Florida:
Another teenager was the victim of a shark attack in the Gulf of Mexico, law enforcement officials on the Florida panhandle said Monday.The boy was in critical condition with severe injuries, said Christa Hild of Bay Medical Center in Panama City, where the boy was flown.
It would appear that we don't, in fact, taste like chicken. Or tuna, or seal, or whatever it is they're expecting when they chomp on a person. Of course, considering the size of these fish, the tasting is plenty bad enough.
Don't look at me man, I didn't even know they made tube amplifiers for car audio:
It's rare to win over 90% of all car audio competitions entered in a 5-year period and even more rare to be featured not only in all of the major car audio magazines but also to appear in Time, on MTV and CNBC, and in more than 211 newspapers in the US as well as 27 magazines worldwide, yet that's only part of the acclaim and attention awarded to Earl Zausmer's BMW 540i.Below are some articles detailing Earl's legendary car audio system, which sports two gold-plated Milbert BaM-235 vacuum tube amplifiers. The system received many awards over the years, including "best of show," "best in class," and "best sound quality."
Car audio, like home audio, is a hobby I'd love to get back into if I suddenly hit the lottery or something. As it is, I'm amazed by the amount of crap I still hold in my head about this stuff (to this day I can tell you what RMS is and why anything rated above .1% THD is crap), even though I haven't been serious about it for more than a decade.
But for now the "cash required to fun acquired" ratio is simply too large for me to have a go at it. I mean, why spend thousands of dollars on hi-fi when there are bicycles around?
First Tigger, now Piglet:
John Fiedler, a stage actor who won fame as the voice of Piglet in Walt Disney's Winnie-the-Pooh films, died Saturday, The New York Times reported in Monday editions. He was 80.
I'm too lazy to actually research this, but I'm pretty sure Fiedler was also in at least one original Star Trek episode. Can't recall the title (see! see! I'm not that nerdy!), but it was the one with the murderous spirit that kept jumping from body to body and hacking various expendable but creatively dressed trollops to pieces.
No Prize to Rich for the link!
Sarah Michelle Gellar is attached to star in a feature version of the Electronic Arts video game "American McGee's Alice," which is itself based on Lewis Carroll's "Alice in Wonderland" novels.
Read entire article here.
A puppy with two extra legs and a second penis is drawing curious stares at a temple in Pandamaran town near here.
Read entire article with picture here.
TONTITOWN, Ark. - Arkansas' best-known big family will be getting bigger in the fall. Michelle Duggar and her husband, former state Rep. Jim Bob Duggar, say they're expecting their 16th child.Michelle Duggar was honored in April 2004 with the state's Young Mother award. At the time, she was pregnant with young Duggar No. 15, a boy named Jackson born May 23, 2004.
The next child, a girl, is expected in October.
Well there really is nothing to do in that town except just have sex.
Per Ron: "The mom is probably her children's sister too!
Ok, ok, I admit. I will poke Scott awake or shake him if he snores. But I have never done this.
A woman upset about her husband's snoring is accused of stabbing him with a pen and hitting him with a dumbbell to wake him up.
Contact with the stiff-haired spines of oak processionary caterpillars, which have multiplied by the thousands in recent days in trees in the central state of Hesse, can lead to skin rashes and asthma attacks, a spokesman for the town of Dreieich said.
Now don't go running outside and squash every caterpillar you see.
With pix!
In yet another cost-cutting move, Northwest Airlines said it would shut down one engine on each of its flights within the continental United States.
Read entire scary article here.
I guess it really is true that some people will pay money for anything:
Targeting self-conscious 4x4 owners whose rugged vehicles seldom see obstacles bigger than a speed bump, the enterprising British e-tailer behind Sprayonmud sells the scent of the countryside in a squirt bottle.For 8 pounds (about $14.50), buyers get 0.75 liters (.85 quarts) of genuine filthy water, bottled from hills near the company's premises on the rural England-Wales border. The aim, says the website, is "to give your neighbors the impression you've just come back from a day's shooting or fishing -- anything but driving around town all day or visiting the retail park."
Reminds me of the time I saw box turtles priced at $40 each at a Houston pet store. I would've sold them mine for $15, and gotten three more behind my house the next day.
Actually, a dead fish would probably do well in Philly's offense too:
A bald eagle crashed through a window of a home and landed in the living room, scattering broken glass, feathers and a salmon carcass across the floor. Homeowner Jean Stack heard the crash and initially wondered if someone had thrown a dead fish through the window.
...
"They were fighting, thrashing around; there were leaves and limbs (shaking)," [neighbor Kurt] Haskin said. "This was all within 50 feet of me, and I was thinking this was pretty cool."Then one eagle swooped out of the nearby tree, up past Haskin's head, around the eagle on the roof and back behind the tree, said Haskin.
"I didn't notice it was packing a fish when it swooped over me," he said.
The eagle re-emerged and bore down on Stack's bay window, which is about 15 feet off the ground.
"It just grenaded that window," Haskin said. "The window didn't even slow it down."
Eagle's fine, owner's fine, fish... well, fish wasn't fine before the encounter. Yet another thing you have to explain to the insurance adjuster. Good thing they've got witnesses.
This week's "aren't you glad you have liability insurance" story comes to us courtesy of Disneyworld:
A 4-year-old boy died after passing out while aboard Walt Disney World's ``Mission: Space'' attraction _ a ride that has caused previous concerns because of its intensity.Daudi Bamuwamye passed out Monday afternoon while on the attraction, which simulates a rocket launch and trip to Mars. The Orange County Sheriff's Office said his mother carried him off the ride and employees helped her place him on a bench.
Paramedics tried to revive him, but he died about 5 p.m. at Celebration Hospital.
Which is just about as sad as it gets, yet I can't help but think something else was going on. Little kids don't just drop dead because of an intense a/v experience. If they did nobody'd ever come out of an amusement park alive.
I've been interviewed for a lot of jobs over the years, and while, well, distinctive, I'd hardly call this guy's technique productive:
A man who tried to conduct a job interview naked has been sentenced to three years probation and placed on the sex offenders' register.Glasgow Sheriff Court was told that Saeed Akbar, a manager at an interpreting and translation company, "had wanted a bit of excitement".
Sheriff Brian Lockhart described the behaviour as "wholly unacceptable".
He heard that Akbar, 35, left the interview room and came back in naked clutching a clipboard.
When the job candidate refused to strip as well, he put his clothes on and attempted to continue the interview as normal, the court was told.
I'd normally chalk this one up to someone wobbling off their meds, but the rest of the article makes him seem otherwise quite sane. Perhaps drugs were involved?
Today's "mother-of-the-year" story brought to you by Nola.com:
The mother of a 12-year-old boy killed in his own home by one of the family's two pit bulls said she had been so concerned about one of the dogs that she shut her son in the basement to protect him.Maureen Faibish said she ordered Nicholas to stay in the basement while she did errands on June 3, the day he was attacked by one or both of the dogs. She said she was worried about the male dog, Rex, who was acting possessive because the female, Ella, was in heat.
They may crap on my floors, pee on my walls, and puke on my dinner table, but at least our cats can't kill us. Well, directly anyway. It's a damned shame when kids have to pay the price of their parents stupidity.
Wrong I tell you, just plain wrong:
1979 Alfa Romero [sic] spider ... the engine compartment had been on fire. So it has a Reconstructed title.... now for the good part. I pulled out the alfa motor and trans and cleaned up the motor compartment. I put in a 1976 toyota 2TC Motor and 4 speed transmission out of a corolla.
For the amount of work required for the conversion he probably coulda...
Oh hell, why am I wasting my time with you Phillistines? Make vodka with molasses, change the Cowboy's colors to green and white, put a Ford engine in a Pontiac, change out all those diamonds for CZs, make Rachel Brice dance in blue jeans, make Manowar play bluegrass. I don't care. I'm taking my goofy Italian sports car with its goofy Italian motor and going home.
It may leak a quart of oil every month, but it damn well starts every time I turn the key!
Harumph I say! Harumph! Hey, I didn't get a Harumph outta that guy!
Update: Deleted. Bugger. And I didn't even save any of the pictures. Noooooo!!!!
Heh.
Update II: It's baaaack.
While not as utterly skeeve-worthy as that German cannibal guy, this macabre discovery certainly should be worth its own place on the "wha???" mantle:
Russian police have found four people from three generations of the same family dead in their apartment where they had lain for at least two years.A spokesman for Moscow city prosecutors told local media skeletons were all that remained of the man and three women who seemed to have died at different times in the past decade.
You'd think someone would've notice the smell...
Today's "stowaway tries to find America but discovers Darwin instead" story brought to you by the New York Daily News:
A man's severed leg - with a white Adidas sneaker still attached - plummeted from the sky onto a garage roof and bounced into the backyard of a Long Island home yesterday morning.
...
The leg, hip and chunk of torso apparently fell from the wheel well of a South African jetliner about to land at Kennedy Airport.
Explain that one to your insurance company!
Don't you just wish they actually wrapped them correctly and sucked the air out of the packages.
A MYSTERY animal, said to be a cross between a cat, kangaroo and monkey, is being hunted by cops.The bizarre beast — dubbed the Catgarookey — has been spotted three times roaming a city’s streets at night.
Read entire article here.
With pix! (ok really this story is a SUN feature. If you can't take a joke, don't look at it)
Somehow, when it comes time to remodel our bathroom, I don't think this one will be on the list of "upgrades". This thing is so wrong on so many different levels, you know we had to link it.
Slashdot today linked up this Wired story detailing the shadowy world of Torah theft, and what synagogues are doing to stop it. Not as easy as you'd think, because to remain, well, I guess you'd say either "legal" or "kosher", absolutely nothing can be added to the 304,805 letters of the Torah's text. However, since Torahs are, you know, sacred, ways have been found to at least curb the theft problem.
Stealing Torahs. Man, it doesn't get much more "do not pass go do not collect $200 go to Hell" than that.
Damion gets a rubbery no-prize that swings from trees for bringing us, well... this. And you people think I have too much time on my hands.
Remember folks, these are the people who consider themselves Gaurdians of Civilization:
"The conservatives have got us, as a country, now believing that balance -- giving both sides -- is the same as truth, and there are some things that are just false," said Linda Foley, president of The Newspaper Guild, during a panel discussion on media reform at the "Take Back America" conference in Washington, D.C.
Because, you know, if you presented both sides of an argument, why... that might mean the plebes could make up their own mind! Think for themselves! Come to a decision we don't agree with! The horror!!!
Tell me again, and slowly because I'm obviously too stupid to understand, why it's Fox News that's the enemy?
I'm telling you. If you click the link, your life will not be the same today.
Hey man, don't ask me, I just report the news, I don't make it:
A cup of coffee nearly cost a Twin Cities family the biggest investment most people will ever make: their home.It is only fitting a story about something so destructive, one that sounds cooked up, would take place in a kitchen.
"I was in shock, I didn't know what to think," Ron Greenberg said.
Understandable, considering a cup of coffee forever changed Greenberg's morning routine.
"That's what I was doing here, is holding onto the thermos here, by the handle, twisting this, when the thermos broke away, the handle broke away from the thermos and it started shooting black stuff out there," Greenberg said.
Greenberg's two-year-old breakproof Stanley thermos broke.
"It was like a smoke bomb going off," Greenberg remembered. "It filled up the whole kitchen and the whole living room with a cloud of black smoke."
I mean, where do you start?
Sometimes I wonder why Celine Dion doesn't seem to be doing real well in Las Vegas (she recently complained of audience members falling asleep). Then I see something like this, and then I don't wonder so much. Not at all sure I could sleep through that though.
Got a gun but no game? Try Sweden's new moose stock exchange, launched by the Scandinavian country's state-owned forestry firm Sveaskog Thursday.See the løveli lakes
Sveaskog rents its grounds to 3,200 hunting teams with allotted kill quotas and teams will now be able to offer moose they do not expect to shoot to would-be hunters.
The wøndërful telephøne system
Interested hunters can also post requests to use part of a team's quota on Sveaskog's Web site, www.sveaskog.se/jfn, the company said in a statement.
And mäny interesting furry animals
Moose hunting is something of a national pastime in vast and sparsely populated Sweden, with 250,000 hunters felling some 100,000 moose each year.
Including the majestik møøse
No mention of swallows (laden or otherwise), nor any advice as to whether coconuts actually migrate or not.
A fight about gambling started a married couple down a path that would end with their pickup being driven into a Tuttle pond.
So begins one of the more elaborate "so drunk they went right out the other side of stupid" tales I've read in a long time. Hey, at least they're not from Arkansas!
Thank the heavens for Wikipedia, without which we may all have remained ignorant of Spring Heeled Jack:
Spring Heeled Jack was described by his victims as having a terrifying and frightful appearance, with diabolical physiognomy that included clawed hands and protuberant red eyes, which "glowed like fire". One of these victims also recounted that, beneath a black cloak, he wore a helmet and a tight fitting white garment like an "oilskin". Many depositions also mention a "Devil-like" aspect, wearing a tight fitting oilskin outfit, although its colour alternated between white (the most frequent) and jet black. Many a witness stated that Spring Heeled Jack's physique was athletic and sturdy and that he was capable of effecting great leaps. Several reports mention that he could breathe blue and white flames from his mouth, and that he wore sharp metallic claws at his fingertips. At least two testimonies denote that he was able to speak in comprehensible English, albeit with an uncommonly deep voice.
Eons ago I remember reading in our local paper about a farmer who had an "encounter" with a similar creature after a bad storm blew apart his barn. It must have been a practical joke story (this was the Dumas Clarion after all), but the story scared the bejeebus out of me for years after.
Fweaky...
Well, not exactly, but I can definitely get the circle to draw over where I work. I'm in a low-rise office that faces the other way, so as long as the terrorists don't field anything really big, I might actually live through it. Ellen's place is an old converted residence a few miles up the road from here. It'd probably get flattened like a swatted bug if they managed to light one off in the 200 KT range.
Cynical? Shocking? Hey, I grew up in the heart of the cold war. From that perspective, it's actually an improvement to talk about a nuke only taking out a single city.
Turns out suicide is not painless, at least if you're going over the Golden Gate Bridge:
The very moment John Kevin Hines jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, he knew he'd made a mistake.His eyes wet with tears, he had finally consented to the voices that commanded him to take his own life. But at 10:40 a.m. on that overcast September day, just as he catapulted over a 4-foot-high railing and began his frantic free fall, the college freshman asked himself: "What did I just do? I don't want to die."
Plummeting head-first toward the churning waters 220 feet below, he tried to scream, but the force of the descent sucked the air from his lungs. He felt an odd euphoria as winds buffeted his body. But to survive, he knew he had to right himself before hitting the water.
At last, the former high school wrestler and football nose tackle tipped his head back, plunging below the surface feet first. Pain raced through his legs as the impact fractured an ankle and shattered two vertebrae in his lower back.
Includes lots of macabre details about the dark side of the nation's most recognizable bridge.
Via The Politburo Diktat.
The bizarre suicide of a well-loved man has baffled his friends and family, who knew him for his great sense of humour.
...
PC James Burgess said: "The whole bathroom was sealed from external sources of oxygen and in there was this barbecue, which clearly had been going for some time."
Ya'll have a great time at the grill today, ya hear?
Always the trend-setters, Japanese school girls now have decided to try and look like anime characters. I've never completely understood the whole giant-eyes thing, but its most definitely a lietmotif of the art. No Ellen, you can't have any.
Newsweek’s Washington Bureau Chief Daniel Klaidman appeared on Al Jazeera TV on May 19, and told the Arab world that, despite their retraction, Newsweek is “neutral” on whether any of this happened.
Just because your buddies stopped caring about it when you made your "retraction" doesn't mean we will. As with Eason Jordan, this sort of reflexive bias only seems to come out when they think nobody's looking, and always speaks to a much more endemic problem. It's time for the Washington Post Company directors to put a stop to this while Newsweek still has some credibility left.
And you thought police raiding the wrong address was bad:
Upset villagers came to Maranhao state [Brazil] capital Sao Luis on Wednesday claiming the police had demolished their hamlet of Vila Baghdad instead of a squatters settlement about five miles away.
Sometimes greater efficiency simply allows people to screw up faster.
Lord Nelson is rolling in his grave:
A re-enactment of the Battle of Trafalgar is not an opportunity for "French-bashing", says the Royal Navy.Instead of the British taking on a French/Spanish fleet at next month's event to mark the battle's bicentenary a "red" force will take on a "blue".
Because, you know, nobody on a certain side has a reputation for surrendering. Right?
A case of stupid f'ing, irresponsible people.
- An unusual dispute has a St. Louis dog owner in a fight against the city. The controversy started two weeks ago and could end with the dog turned over to the city.Saturday is the last chance for Oran Ambus to get his dog out of the city pound. The city says it's a simple matter of getting the dog neutered. Ambus says that's not an option according to the holy word.
Leviticus Chapter 22 is part of the scipture Ambus says applies to his case. Ambus, an israelite, says the holy words are a direct reference to the importance of animals left untouched for entrance into heaven. He says his personal beliefs extend to his nine month old rottweiler, now caged at the animal pound.
Read entire article here.
If I get some Christian Wacko Fundementalist trying to justify this article, you can take your bible and shove it where the sun does not shine.
That Hardee's super-sandwich is now officially p3wned:
So I got an idea in my head. A particularly stupid idea. This makes it even harder to simply pass up.I think to myself: "I can top this guy - he didn't fry anything!"
And it begins.
The result will be… appalling. A tyrant of a sandwich, so gargantuan and calorically blessed that the mere sight of which would cause Jesus himself to break down in an explosive torrent of tears and fury.
30,000 calories and 6.5 pounds of sandwich later... well, you go see the result. Note: completely SFW, no puking pictures or anything like that.
Lift the lid if you dare, and find out what's in The Trunk. Far as I can tell it's SFW, if not for reality.
So, you've invented yourself a genuine "telepresence" system, that allows you to touch something in one location and have it felt by something else in another. What's the first thing you do with it?
What? What were you thinking of touching? Hmmmm?!? Remember, lying makes baby Jesus cry!
No, really, when grackles attack:
Like a scene from the horror movie "The Birds," large black grackles are swooping down on downtown Houston and attacking people's heads, hair and backs.
...
"They were just going crazy," said constable Wilbert Jue, who works at the building. "They were attacking everybody that walked by."
I guess we'll have to take up a collection to get Lair a football helmet or something.
While not even remotely pretending to be an unbiased site, PETA Kills should still be interesting to those of you who always suspected these loons were up to no damned good. Remember folks, the lynchpin of every good socialist movement is the understanding that you should do as we say, and not as we do.
Not a great time to be a greyhound owner, or a greyhound for that matter:
A mysterious respiratory disease is sweeping greyhound tracks across the country, killing dozens of dogs and forcing owners to halt racing as researchers hunt for a vaccine to control the outbreak.Dr. Lisa Zerbel, a veterinarian in Massachusetts who is treating some of the sick dogs, said she thinks the illnesses are caused by a new strain of the influenza virus that is more virulent than the common one known as “kennel cough.” But other experts say it is too soon to pinpoint the cause.
I'll let the resident vet expert take a look at this one when we get home this afternoon.
FYI: Your wang is not a water baloon:
Thailand's health ministry warned size-obsessed men on Friday to avoid trying to enlarge their penises with liquid injections, saying it could cause deformities.The warning followed media reports that male teenagers in central Thailand had rushed to have their penises injected with olive oil or other liquids.
Maybe it's best there really is no way to enlarge it. Considering the popularity of pedestrian penis pills (ha!) and more extreme stunts like this, if there really were a way to enlarge it a significant percentage of the world's male population would be unable to leave the house.
I don't know man, you try and figure it out. And then come back and explain it to me.
Or not. I'm getting a sneaking suspicion I really don't want to know.
Ok, this is why when you have a rather large snake, you don't take it out unless there is a second person in the house to help you.
If I am recalling correctly, you don't get crushed. You die of hypertension.
WTF!?? First it's dolls that look like corpses for men to have sex with. Now you can get hamsters!
You have got to check the site out! A real laugh!
Especially when the firework in question is a 10" mortar:
A 38-year-old suburban man allegedly admitted to police he drank 10 beers before lighting a commercial firework inside his home, blowing up the house and seriously burning himself and a female companion.
...
"Apparently, he thought he would light it, was kind of goofing around, and figured he could put it out," [Pat Barry, spokesman for the Will County sheriff's department, said.]The man was wrong.
The device exploded seconds after being lit, blowing out a wall and every window in the home and setting it on fire. Neighbors heard the blast, called 911 and rushed to the scene.
Yet another Darwin near-miss. And I want to know where in the world there's a flea market that carries firework mortars nearly a foot across. I got some birthday money I need to spend...
They're evil I tell you... evil:
A camouflage-clad hunter was shot in the arm and leg by another hunter who mistook the man's turkey call for a real bird, state police said.Jerry White, 28, of Dennis Township underwent surgery Friday to repair damage to his right arm. Doctors removed 150 pellets from the arm and four from his leg.
I mean, where will it all end?!?
For the "Ripley's Believe it or not" crowd and all other fans of the macabre, we have these... interesting... anectdotes regarding what can happen when people really lose their head:
Another interesting story was published in the magazine Miracles and Adventures, as told by soldier Boris Luchkin. He was in an intelligence group during World War II. They had to cross the front line and go behind German lines. The commander of the group, a lieutenant, stepped on a mine. One of its fragments chopped his head off. Yet, the beheaded lieutenant remained standing, he unbuttoned his coat, took the map of their itinerary out, held it out to Luchnik, and then fell down on the grass.
No, we don't actually subscribe to The Weekly World News. We have this place; why would we need to?
Of course, some would claim this is just a more formal version of a party college's sorority:
The 25 students in jeans and T-shirts could have been in any career that requires hustle. The classes, covering topics such as effective marketing, stress reduction and legal issues, could have been part of any professional development seminar.But this was "Whore College," and any illusion it was just another corporate how-to for young go-getters abruptly ended at the sex toy display and was stripped away for good during a graphic demonstration that put a whole new twist on the concept of hands-on training.
It's a joke people. Get over it!
~ Chi Ro, Chi Ro
It's off to bed we go
We paid our buck we want our ****
Chi Ro, Chi Ro~
Tasteless? Crude? Us?!?
Jeff gets a no-prize with a big "M" stamped on it for bringing us evidence that there is absolutely nothing George Lucas will say "no" to when it comes to making a buck.
I don't know man, there's just something surreal about seeing death squads, maniacal mass-murderers, and weapons of planetary destruction turned into cute M&M characters. Let's just say I'm damned glad Saddam Hussein wasn't smart enough to hire Madison Avenue in 1990. He'd probably be a regular on Oprah by now.
The weird thing is, Ellen would actually be happy about this:
A two-foot snake found its way into a packet of breakfast cereal, it emerged today.Five-year-old Jordan Willett, from Dawley, Shropshire, discovered the live reptile inside his box of Golden Puffs on Bank Holiday Monday.
...
An expert called in to examine the corn snake, which is non-venomous and feeds on mice and birds, said he had no doubt the animal had been kept as a pet in England and had been well looked after.
However, it would probably make for an excellent vehicle toward speeding us to our various inheritances. Both grandmothers would experience that "clink-clanky" feeling of crapping bricks if Olivia were to start giggling and playing with a 2 foot snake on their watch.
Come to think of it, so would I.
This would be perfect with a chocolate crunchy frog:
Peruvian officials saved some 4,000 endangered frogs from being whizzed into popular drinks after they were found hidden in an abattoir.
...
Frog cocktails are popular in the Andes because of their supposed aphrodisiac qualities. Shops in central Lima selling the drinks have tanks where customers can choose their frogs.
People bitch and moan about the west's insatiable desire for material goods causing the destruction of both environment and species. What they willfully ignore is that the vast majority of this destruction is done to ensure old men in their cherished "traditional" cultures can continue deflowering virgins and buggering little boys.
And you thought your workplace was strict:
A white South African farmer and one of his employees were convicted of feeding his former black worker to lions while still alive in a premeditated murder, a court ruled on Thursday.Investigators found little more than a skull, a few bones and a finger last year in the enclosure for rare white lions in the northern Limpopo province, where the murder took place.
Somewhere a Sigfried and Roy producer is saying "been there, done that."
The more morbid and/or odd-history fans out there should find this Washington City Paper article on the history of body snatching in the DC area of interest:
When it came to professional grave robbers, the District of Columbia—which boasted four medical schools and some 50-odd cemeteries—had them in spades. In the last two decades of the 19th century, it was home to some of the most infamous resurrection men—and women—in the United States. William Jansen, the brother-and-sister team of Percy and Maud Brown, and the trigger-happy Marlow Gang all conducted business in the city during those years. All of them achieved the kind of public notoriety that is reserved, nowadays, for upper-echelon Mafiosi and high-profile killers.The city's laws against grave robbing were, until the very late 1800s, remarkably lax. Indeed,Washington had no law against body snatching per se until the 1890s. As long as the "ghouls" left the victims' clothing behind, they couldn't be prosecuted for larceny. As a result, police who caught grave robbers even in the act were reduced to charging them with violation of obscure laws that brought about only token penalties.
YiCk!
I'm sure there really are loons on the left who think Bush is targeting Venezuela for invasion:
Telephone callers at Venezuela's oil ministry are getting the low-down on the country's oil strategy direct from President Hugo Chavez."What is the reason for the imperialist aggression against our country? Venezuela is the world's top oil reserve and the world's oil is running out," the short, repeated recording of a recent Chavez speech tells phoners as their call is put on hold and transferred internally.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my old Argentinian boss, maybe in 1997:
A: [Must be imagined in ridiculous Ricky-Ricardo-style* Latin accent] "It will be such a shame if America and Argentina don't repair their relationship. It could lead to a war."
ME: "A war? Really?"
A: "Yes!"
ME, quietly, after a really long pause: "Well, that would be kind of a short war, don't you think?"
No, I've never been one for subtlety.
--------
* Yes yes, I know, Ricky Ricardo was from Cuba. If I said "in ridiculous Argentinian accent" you'd have no idea what I was talking about. Trust me, this is close enough.
Ok, that's it, under no circumstances am I going anywhere near a turkey:
Two elderly men who had gone turkey hunting together died from apparent heart attacks just minutes apart, authorities said.
CHEECH: "I mean, don't you see it? They're psychic killers now man! Like, they got, I dunno, turkey death rays or something. We'll all be, you know, walking through the forest and, like, all of a sudden WAOWAOWAOWAO! The turkey's eyes'll start all glowing and stuff man, and we'll just all keel over!"
CHONG: "I dunno man, psychic killer turkeys sound pretty cool to me."
CHEECH: "Well, yeah, I guess so. Except around, you know, Thanksgiving and stuff..."
25 year old Brandon Erickson of Portland, Oregon will attempt what few have achieved - a non-stop marathon play of the original Star Wars Arcade video game. From noon May 16th to the midnight screening of Episode III on May 18th, he hopes to break a 22 year old record standing since Return of the Jedi in 1983.
I was top-dog on this game back in high school (it was a small town after all), but I honestly can't remember what my highest-of-high scores was. I guess it's time to hang up the ol' nerd badge after all.
You just can't make this stuff up:
Hundreds of toads have met a bizarre and sinister end in Germany in recent days, it was reported: they exploded.According to reports from animal welfare workers and veterinarians as many as a thousand of the amphibians have perished after their bodies swelled to bursting point and their entrails were propelled for up to a metre (three feet).
Includes a great non-sequitor shot of some toads gettin' bizzy. If this story is to be believed, the male may find himself in the next county if he's not careful.
No, really, when chimps attack:
When St. James Davis adopted an orphaned chimpanzee he found while on safari in Africa almost four decades ago, he hardly could have guessed how that relationship would lead to devastating trauma today.Davis, 62, currently lies in a medically induced coma in a California hospital, his nose chewed off and his genitals and limbs severely mauled. Last month, Davis and his wife, LaDonna, were visiting the chimp they adopted at a wildlife preserve, when two other chimps attacked them.
Essentially a more detailed account of what exactly happened a few months ago when some berzerk chimps got loose and mauled two people. Even stranger, Ellen thinks she knows the "perpetrators". She once worked at an animal research facility, and when it closed some of the chimps went to this place.
Actually, that was a pretty good shot:
A driver is recovering after a frozen sausage was thrown through the window of his moving car, breaking his nose.The man was driving near his South Woodham Ferrers home in Essex on Monday afternoon when the "bizarre incident" happened, the ambulance service said.
I've owned convertibles for nearly twenty years now, and from experience getting stuff tossed into one is not uncommon. Typically it's the stuff that gets in at low or no speed that's the worst... wasps and spiders are particularly common. However, I've nearly been set on fire twice from flicked cigarette butts, and a bird once kamikazed into the windshield and tumbled through the cabin between Ellen and me before careening into the street.
Worse were the things I've found after leaving the top down overnight. Empty beer bottles and (just once) a condom have "mysteriously" found their way into cars I've owned over the years. Which is why I put the top up if the current spider's going to be sitting outside somewhere overnight. All together now... ewww!
Because I'd hate to think he got this education on my dime:
hat said, perhaps some readers will understand why my friends and I rip yellow ribbon "support the troops" magnets off of cars or wherever people have affixed them. By ripping off these ribbons, we find a way to deal with our guilt, as though with each ribbon swiped we take back a life that was taken by this senseless war started by our senseless president and those who support him.I will never say, "support the troops." I don't believe in the validity of that statement. People say, "I don't support the war, I support the troops" as though you can actually separate the two. You cannot; the troops are a part of the war, they have become the war and there is no valid dissection of the two. Other people shout with glaring eyes that we should give up our politics, give up our political affiliations in favor of "just supporting the troops." I wish everything were that easy.
I don't remember being this much of an idiot in college, but then again who does?
Members sitting on the left side of the peanut gallery should take note... these are the people who get you called "unamerican." Not fair you say? Perhaps, but keep that in mind next time you read a far-right editorial. We all have loons in our attic.
Via Jason.
Oh, and by the way? Allergies suck. I'm on three different meds for them right now, and I still feel like someone's shoved my head in an overfilled vacuum cleaner bag. *ACHOOO!!!*
Lucky' former owner, Nick Sigmon, 19, and his friend Paul Collins, 21, pleaded no contest to misdemeanor charges of animal cruelty charges for taping an M-1000 -- a firecracker with the power of a quarter of a stick of dynamite -- into Castro Valley's Lake Don Castro on July 13.
Read more about these sick little bastards here.
I hope they are in counseling for a long long time.
Let's just say this idiot should be happy he did this in the UK, because in many (not all) states in the US it's legal to shoot people in defense of your property:
An artist who randomly vandalised nearly 50 cars for a project said the owners should be happy they were part of his "creative process".Mark McGowan, 37, will exhibit pictures of himself scratching the vehicles' paintwork in London and Glasgow.
Would I shoot someone if I caught them running keys down my car? No, but I might introduce them to Mr. Louisville Slugger. You see, I have it on good authority shooting them causes too much paperwork.
OW! OW! Ok, who was the one dumb enough to give the stick to the buddhist in the first place?
Another day, another drunken celebrity with a warrant:
A New York judge issued an arrest warrant on Monday for "American Pie" movie actress Natasha Lyonne, who failed to appear for a court hearing on charges stemming from a rampage during which she was heard threatening to molest a neighbor's dog.
I'm not sure why I care either, but there it is.
I mean, what better place can you think of to have a child:
A Berlin couple plan to have their first baby at an art gallery, the gallery owner said on Saturday, confirming a newspaper report."It's a gift to humanity, a once in a lifetime thing," Bild newspaper quoted Winfried Witt, partner of mother-to-be Ramune Gele, as saying.
Been there, done that, toddler has the t-shirt. It may be a miracle, but it's not a very pretty miracle. Kinda smells funny too. I'm not sure who is weirder... the couple who want to do it, the gallery owner who's going to let them, or the (presumably) hordes of people who will try and watch. They do have something like the Discovery channel over there, don't they? Trust me, it's a lot like professional sports... it's much better to see it on TV.
Ok, that's not normally what you'd want to happen during surgery:
Seattle police launched an investigation on Friday to determine how a patient undergoing emergency heart surgery caught on fire at a local hospital in 2003.The male patient, who was not identified, went up in flames after alcohol poured on his skin was ignited by a surgical instrument.
The article says the patient died, but from heart failure, not burning. Not knowing just how big a fire they're talking about, I guess it could be true. Then again, if I were that family I'd be pretty interested to find out just who did the autopsy.
I mean, I can see trading her for, I dunno, an Alfa or something, but a Cougar?!?
A woman was arrested for allegedly forcing her 12-year-old daughter into prostitution and trading a 14-year-old daughter for a car.
...
The older daughter refused to be a prostitute and was allegedly sold for a car."She was sold to a man for a Mercury Cougar," Ammons said. "But he never gave the mother the vehicle." He was arrested in the case.
I mean, come on... standards people, standards!
Making the rounds: the UN, in it's role as "the world's most famous qualuude-addled traffic cop", has decided to make nuclear terrorism illegal. I can just hear it now...
"Dammit Achmed! I told you we needed to act sooner! Now these camel fleas have closed our loophole!"
"I know, I know, Osama, and I'm sorry. *Sigh* ... ok boys, let's pack it all up and go home."
Yeah, that's the ticket.
Fark this morning brings us proof there's no such thing as a story that's too weird:
There is a new twist in the case of a woman who claimed she discovered a human finger in a bowl of chili at a Wendy's restaurant.San Jose police are investigating a woman who had part of her finger bitten off in late February by a pet leopard.
You just can't make this stuff up...
Indianapolis News Channel 8 released a video taken Thursday evening of St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican City showing what appears to be an unidentified flying object moving across the upper left portion of the screen. The video, taken from a network feed camera at around 6:00 am Roman time, was filmed as Pope John Paul II lay in state.
Read entire article here.
Remeber that German guy who killed and ate another man at the victim's request and with is co-operation and participation? Well, Hee's baaa-ack:
A German cannibal and prosecutors launched rival appeals at Germany's top criminal court Wednesday against his manslaughter conviction for killing and eating a willing victim.
The prosecutors are trying to get the case reconsidered for stronger sentence, and the defense is trying to get it knocked down to "killing on request", which would peel 3 years off his sentence.
The details of the case are still incomprehensible to me. It would be tempting to try to assign blame... to parents, society, culture, TV, carrots, really anything just to try and find a grip on something like this. The truth is probably a lot more frightening... it was all of those things that made these people, and none of them, both at the same time.
Which is merely the existential angst the self-styled post-modern intellectual inside me goes through when I read about something like this. The practical redneck inside me knows there's no such thing as too much crazy, and the only real solution to folks like this is either a bible or a gun. The buddhist inside me stands between the other two, whacking them with a stick whenever they get too far out of line.
And you thought your head was complicated...
Remember the "finger-in-the-chili" lady? Turns out she has something of a history:
Anna Ayala, 39, who hired a San Jose, Calif., attorney to represent her in the Wendy's case, has been involved in at least half a dozen legal battles in the San Francisco Bay area, according to court records.
...
Speaking through the front door of her Las Vegas home Friday, Ayala claimed police are out to get her and were unnecessarily rough as they executed a search warrant at her home on Wednesday.
Yeah, I know, "just because you're paranoid..." But keep in mind most of the time nobody actually is after you.
While I understand that neurologic research is important and good, I still find the concept of headless remote controlled flies downright creepy:
Yale University researchers say their study that used lasers to create remote-controlled fruit flies could lead to a better understanding of overeating and violence in humans.Using the lasers to stimulate specific brain cells, researchers say they were able to make the flies jump, walk, flap their wings and fly.
Via Daffodil Lane, with whom I will have to disagree about the success of "scaling up" this technique to other creatures. The biological complexity of a rat as compared to a fly is astronomical, and I do not expect to see headless remote controlled mice any time soon. Which is just as well. Skeevy!
Storm chasing? Storm chasing? Aw hell son, we're gonna do a lot more than chase the damned things. We're gonna catch us one!
Tornado Attack is accepting bids on eBay for the co-pilot of "Tornado Attack One." The winner becomes part of the "Team Tornado," which will chase tornadoes with a special vehicle engineered to enter and record inside the eye.
Apparently it's a modified Baha race truck, which is about as tough as non-military vehicles get. Which should cover you just fine if it tosses you around, but I wonder what sort of protection they're planning against the 110 mph iron fenceposts?
All those times I made fun of American ricers? I take them all back.
Well, ok, no, I'm not going to take them all back. But I will stand in awe of what are quite obviously the masters of taking unsuspecting family sedans and doing... things... to them.
Weirdest of all are the unexpected numbers of American 1970s-era sedans in the mix. Those things started falling apart as soon as they rolled off the assembly line, and were ugly. Or at least, I thought they were ugly, until I saw what these guys do to them. Then I realized in their original encarnation they were just a little homely. Sort of like having your overweight female cousin show up to a family reunion wearing pink and chartreuse spandex, trailing a very small, very enthusiastic Asian man in her wake.
Number 129 on the list of "why Ellen and Scott don't like camping":
A Hong Kong hiker washed her face in a freshwater stream, not noticing that leech had wormed its way into one of her nostrils, according to the Hong Kong Medical Journal.
I don't begrudge people who do like camping, it's just not for me. You see, my idea of roughing it is hotel cable TV.
Ok, I take it back, there actually is something worse than a house decorated with hundreds of cats. And people think my one Alfa sign is tacky...
You'd think that after two thousand years of getting it wrong, Christians would quit putting a deadline on the end the world:
As you know the world didn't come to end today.Now for the third time, Warren Jeffs is wrong about his doomsday predictions.
2,500 of his most faithful followers gathered at a mysterious sprawling complex in Eldorado, Texas. Wednesday, Jeffs prophesied he and his followers would be caught up and sent to heaven, while the rest of world would come to an end. But you can see they are still there, and continue to work on their new temple.
Now, I could make a nasty comment involving the previous administration, its Attorney General, various gung-ho federal agencies, and another bunch of Christian loons, but I won't. Not that I'm that big, mind you, it's just that I've spent the past six hours unsuccessfully trying to get a wobbly and extremely non-standard part of our network to migrate to a shiny new server, and trying to be clever on top of that just makes my head asplode.
Instead, I'll just goggle like the rest of you at the power of one man to command otherwise normal people to do whatever he wants.
Ya know, if she'd had a digital camera, it wouldn't have taken so long to be noticed:
A Swedish woman who photographed a swan in the river outside the royal palace in Stockholm made a grim discovery when the film was developed: a hand sticking out of the ice.
Remember folks, cold hands, warm heart! Well, at least for a few minutes anyway.
Punk: "Gimme yer money and yer car old man!"
Old Man: "Say hello to my little friend."
Four juveniles could face homicide charges after a joyride in a family van ended in the fatal shooting of their cousin in a Milwaukee gas station parking lot, according to a hearing in Milwaukee County Children's Court Monday.
.44 caliber gunshot wound to the head. That'll be a closed casket funeral for sure. Considering how hard it is to hit anything with a pistol in a panic situation (cops receive hours of training and still miss some of the time), I'd say "good shot".
As noted yesterday, making a habit of being an a-hole inevitably means you will eventually run up against someone or something to stop you. So let's all try to be a bit nicer out there, k? Because karmic paybacks are a bitch.
Ellen likes cats, but I'm pretty sure she'd draw the line well before this:
A lactating woman in Myanmar has volunteered to breastfeed a pair of endangered Bengal tiger cubs recently born at a Yangon zoo and separated from their aggressive mother.
Ron gets a mewling no-prize for bringing us this graphic example of just how far some folks are willing to go to help a cat in need.
I like his prom dress. It's a good color for him.
Oh be quiet! Rub your eyes! We are sick of your bitching. You looked! We know you did!
There's always the pandemic superbug:
A virulent type of community-acquired MRSA “superbug” that attacks healthy, young people has been found to be the descendent of a penicillin-resistant strain that caused serious infections worldwide 50 years ago.Scientists fear that this offspring superbug strain - which causes serious boils and abscesses and can lead to a severe pneumonia - could pose a major public health threat in the future.
Includes a strain that causes pneumonia nasty enough to kill you in 24 hours. That's a spicy meatball!
And you thought hitting one with your car was bad:
A small plane crashed into a deer on the runway of a far-flung Miami-Dade County airport this morning.The twin-prop plane sustained serious damage. The left prop appeared to be destroyed and pieces of flying propeller penetrated the fuselage. A pilot and copilot on board the plane were not hurt.
Bambi's fate? Let's just say it was very quick.
The scariest part is that, from the picture, it would appear at least some of the prop blades departed through the passenger cabin. It seems no passengers were hurt simply because there weren't any. Yikes!
What happens when you combine the finest in moonbattery with a bit of whimsy? The Cannibal Flesh Doner Program, that's what.
You know, I might be willing to at least listen to some of these ideas if it weren't patently obvious their proponents were purile loons. The sad thing is, having read a great deal about the various protest movements in the 1950s and 1960s, they really haven't changed at all. These are the same wacky ideas and self-destructive indulgences their grandparents engaged in. The only thing that changes is the hairstyle.
At first, I was quite outraged when I stumbled across this:
Nationally recognized geneticist William A. Doty and clinician Joseph Peacock began a program in private practice whereupon overweight men in the Bay Area could receive vasectomies free of charge. Their philosophy: When engaging in clinical decision making, physicians tend to value primarily information about the effect of treatments on physiological functioning and disease progression, rather than information about the impact on the patient's quality of life [9-11]. By focusing on the quality of life of future generations, we greatly improve the psychological impact of genetics on the human condition.
But then I thought, "that's stupid... this would only work if you talked them into a vasectomy before they had kids." Then my Landover Baptist Church warning system kicked in.
Not wanting to give Joshua another opportunity to place a whoopie cushion under my intellectual arrogance, I decided to do a bit of digging. The story was linked up on FARK, so I went trolling in the comments. Once I waded through the inevitable eltist eugenic "what a great idea, fat people = stupid!" crap, sure enough someone else had discovered the rest of the site looked an awful lot like this one.
So I'm going to call this one satire, although I'm not completely sure I understand its point. Which I find a little worrisome, since satire is nearly always missed by its intended targets. However, with a little squinting I could see it as a jibe at the whole "the state knows best, obey the state" stance that liberals, especially California liberals, are justly famous for. So I'll call it that for now. To quote a certain Cheshire Cat:
"Tell yourself, 'I've seen worse at Rutledge's.' Prevarication, in this instance, may help."
Liz gets a leather-bound no-prize for bringing us news of a rather interesting new technique for treating depression:
Russian scientists recommend the following course of the whipping therapy: 30 sessions of 60 whips on the buttocks in every procedure. A group of drug addicts volunteered to test the new method of treatment: the results can be described as good and excellent.
Oklahoma! Oklahoma!
Heh...
People who've seen Napoleon Dynamite will recognize this, and be amazed. They really do exist!
What? Haven't seen the movie yet? Ugh! Gross! Freakin' idiot!
Yeah, I know, I know, "get out more" ... it's raining outside... Ugh! Idiot!
Ellen's always badgering me to wear aftershave or cologne, but somehow I think even she would draw the line before I got to this stuff:
A worker with India's main opposition party displays an antiseptic aftershave made of cow urine at a stall in party headquarters in New Delhi February 25, 2005.
Of course, nowadays a modern chemical plant can turn just about any fluid into any other fluid with relative ease, so who knows what it actually smells like. Well, actually I don't care, but you can go find out and tel me.
Colombian police have found a homemade submarine capable of carrying $200 million (107.8 million pounds) worth of cocaine on a Pacific Ocean smuggling mission, police say.Police, who acted on a tip, made no arrests after finding the submarine hidden in the port of Tumaco, near the border with Ecuador, the Administrative Security Department detective force said on Friday.
~ We do blow in a yellow submarine ~
Just in time for the holday! WWJSL? (What Would Jesus Smell Like?) I dunno, I guess I am a little curious as to what, exactly, myrrh smells like. Not sure if I'd want it in a candle or not.
No, really, you just can't make this stuff up:
A diner at a Wendy’s fast food restaurant in San Jose, California, found a human finger in a bowl of chili prepared by the chain, local officials said on Wednesday.“This individual apparently did take a spoonful, did have a finger in their mouth and then, you know, spit it out and recognized it,” said Ben Gale, director of the department of environmental health for Santa Clara County. “Then they had some kind of emotional reaction and vomited.
Ya think?
What I'm wondering is... fingers are, you know, kind of important to people. Folks normally will notice their sudden absence. Maybe Wendy's is secretly involved with a Yakuza-run processing plant?
Personally, I think it would be better if they ran with the bulls:
The annual "running of the bulls" in the northern Spanish town of Pamplona could get some serious competition this year, in the form of a rival run by naked humans protesting cruelty to animals.The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) group, which has protested against the event in the past, even announced that it was asking the town authorities to replace the traditional bull-chase with its "running of the nudes."
I mean, anything that gets obnoxious hippies run over is fine by me. Too bad that's not what they're asking. Wusses.
Look, I never said I was a good buddhist, okay?
I can't help but think our old friend the Bishop must be involved with these people somehow:
he leader of a secretive Spanish sect who said he was the true Pope and that the Vatican was controlled by the devil has died, a town hall official said Tuesday.
Unfortunately he wasn't crucified, and therefore the apocalypse would seem to have been delayed once more. Nothing quite as annoying as the world ignoring one's eschatological prophecies. Well, I guess it did in fact end for him.
~ Bad Burkhas Bad Burkahs Cha-dor Cha-dor / Whatcha gonna do? / Whatcha gonna do when dey come for you? ~
The first part looks like the above mentioned nuns on wires. The second reminds me of a giant female Three Stooges fan club. The third, well the third makes me think of the Keystone Cops. Only, you know, with robes.
Let's remember folks... never let logic get in the way of religio-political beliefs! We must enforce purity to uphold the revolution!
This time Fark leads us to the obvious conclusion that the government created the 9-11 plot in 1976. Damn that Jimmy Carter... I knew he was up to no good!
In the "Just in Case You Haven't Lost All Hope in Humanity" file, we have this... interesting... admission:
A Belgian man on trial for having sex with dogs claims he did it out of compassion for man's best friend, a Belgian paper said on Friday.
Well... now isn't that just special. *blink* *blink*
Joshua gets a warm and fuzzy no-prize for bringing us the ultimate in pet therapy:
Jeanette's Taxidermy proudly introduces Pet Pillows as an alternative way to remember your pet. Each pet pillow is hand made from the fur of your pet and made into a pillow that you can display.
"Wow, Jane! What a great night's sleep! I need to remember to visit your place any time I have insomnia!"
"Ah! You must've slept on Mister Whiskers! Isn't he great?"
"But Jane, I thought you said Mister Whiskers was dead?"
"He is."
"..."
I shouldn't make too much fun. We have, and I am not making this up, a tiny household shrine in one corner of our ground floor room on which are lovingly stacked the the ash boxes of all the cats waiting for Ellen on the other side. When I pointed out the startling resemblance of what she'd built to a Roman household gods shrine, she blinked twice and said "well, our people ruled the world for a reason you know."
Ah, Italians...
Why waste money on expensive surgery when all you really need is a pack of gum:
A chewing gum which the makers say can help enhance the size, shape and tone of the breasts has proved to be a big hit in Japan.B2Up says its Bust-Up gum, when chewed three or four times a day, can also help improve circulation, reduce stress and fight ageing.
I guess I'll have to concede my wife's pack-a-day chewing gum habit may actually prove useful. Will New Jersey and Long Island beaches ever be the same?
Sometimes pretty comes with a price:
The U.S. Army is investigating incidents of unexploded World War I-era munitions showing up in clamshells used as paving material for driveways and parking areas in Delaware, Maryland and Virginia.The ordnance was dredged up during the past 18 months from the ocean floor during mechanical clam harvesting operations off the New Jersey coast, in the vicinity of Atlantic City, according to Robert Williams of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, which is conducting the investigation.
...
Some grenades were found inside the clams.
And just how big are these clams? Boy, that'd be a nasty surprise for some seafood cook, eh?
Ron gets a rusty but potentially explosive no-prize for bringing us this "your driveway, it asploded" story.
The South African government, having solved all other pressing problems, seems to have instituted a draconian gun control policy (because we all know how effective those are, right?) In the meantime, citizens are doing what they must:
Tighter gun ownership laws are pushing South Africans to buy crossbows, spears, swords, knives and pepper sprays to protect themselves from violent crime.
...
With some homeowners worried about prosecution if they kill intruders, the crossbow is particularly popular because of its silence and the difficulty of tracing the firer from forensic evidence, he said.
THWOP!!
Joshua gets a no-prize that, like, totally fell in two pieces before it even knew it was cut for bringing us HOLY SH*T! NINJAS!.
No, I didn't completely understand it either, but it came from Joshua, what do you expect? ;)
Remember folks, just because they look like overgrown housecats doesn't mean they are:
Dane Kieser, 16, was stroking the ear of a lioness at a breeding enclosure at the Rhino and Lion Nature Reserve on Sunday when he was attacked and pulled under the fence into the lion's den.
Technically not a Darwin award nominee. Why? Hey, the dude had a reason:
Dane apparently took his girlfriend with him to the enclosure where he stuck his arm through the fence to stroke the lioness.
Yup, he was trying to impress a chick. Guys around the world are nodding their heads sagely and thinking, "there but for the grace of God..."
But ya know, now that I think about it, if my house cats weighed 1300 pounds I'd keep them in a cage too. Small+evil = harmlessly amusing. Large + evil = not so much.
There is no nekkidness, but it is kinky!
How a guy wants you to eat a banana!
Me, I'd just chomp it once and it would be gone. None of this banana foreplay crap. When I told my husband this, he got scared and crossed his legs. Men are such wimps.
At least five dogs have jumped to their deaths from a bridge over a burn at Overtoun House in the past six months.
Read entire article here.
Don't the people walk them on leashes?
Well, I'll give 'em points for thinking outside the box:
After many residents [in Hyderabad, India] ignored repeated demands to settle overdue property taxes. authorities in a city in Andhra Pradesh state have sent 20 groups of drummers to play outside offenders' houses for the past week.
18% have paid up after just one week, so it seems to be working.
Problem 1: Life is too much. Time to exit.
Problem 2: Too chickensh*t to do the deed yourself
Solution: Get someone else to do the dirty work:
The man, 30, knew the two young men and paid them $5000 each to kill him. Police said he told the men, both 18, he wanted to kill himself but feared he would botch the job. His plan was to take sleeping tablets, then if he was still alive 10 minutes later his paid assistants were to beat him to death with an iron bar.
Did it work? Oh, come on. If it worked it would we be linking it?
One of the biggest lessons I got from watching the A&E show Airline was: don't show up drunk. If you do show up drunk, stay very very cool, keep your mouth shut, and stay away from the bar. Otherwise they can and will keep you off the flight. Now I know what it looks like when that policy isn't rigidly enforced:
We noticed you right away when you got on the plane – I mean, it would have been hard not to, what with your overly loud conversations on the phone with your friends regarding the NFL football player who bought you 4 shots of Patron in the airport bar after you already had a ton of drinks already. We were all really proud of you, and ever so happy to hear that you had exchanged numbers with him and you guys were such buddies and honey, I was crossing my fingers for you to hook up with him at some later date. We also sympathized with your requests for “something to smoke” when you got home, and by the way, thanks for keeping it so loud so that we could all share in that happy conversation. I think some of the older folks were particularly impressed.
Oh it gets much better. Well, better for us on the ground at any rate.
And for all of you travelers who glare, sigh dramatically, roll your eyes, or swear under your breath when my child gets fussy on the airplane? I bet you thought parents didn't notice you doing that. I guess you all seem to think we enjoy sitting next to our own shrieking child, that we do it on purpose just to rain on your little day. F- you, because if you read the linked story you'll realize it can get a whole lot worse than a little kid yelling for ten minutes.
The right action for the wrong reason?
A group of men were detained for helping a woman who screamed as she was being dragged off by a member of the Saudi religious police after he spotted her in a car with a man, a newspaper reported on Monday.
...
Although a Muslim man should not touch any woman not related by family ties or marriage, the religious policeman reportedly grasped the woman, attempting to drag her into his police car.
Those of you muttering under your breath "we should've started with them first" should keep in mind Iraq's is one of the more secular societies in the Arab world. Compared to what Saudi Arabia would be like, Iraq is a dream to rebuild.
Now, those of you wondering why we can't just build walls around the oil fields and let the rest of them starve... well, take a number and go sit over there.
Via Silflay
The thing is, if Jeff hit the mound it'd probably only improve his score:
Human remains found buried under the fairway of a Georgia golf course were identified Wednesday as those of a woman missing since July 2003, authorities said.
Well, it'd improve as long as it bounced the ball to the left, that is.
Jay Tea gets a neutered no-prize for bringing us a man and his vasectomy, in pictures. Amusing, informative, a little skeevy... what's not to love?
Warning: Contains non-sexual but still graphic photographs of said person's wang. Probably fine in a doctor's office, but anywhere else, maybe not so much.
Well, at least they caught the thing:
A 5-meter-long (16 ft) crocodile said to have eaten more than 80 people has been caught alive in Uganda and transferred to a sanctuary, officials said Tuesday.
Of course, it was locals who gave the body count, so who knows how many people this thing actually killed. Still, at least it's not going to be eating any more of them.
Tacky, horrid PETA ad campaign in 3... 2... 1...
My God! People... people are actually buying and selling things to each other without government regulation or oversight! This... this cannot be! This is impossible! Government is good! Government keeps people safe! Without it, there would be disorder, chaos, hysteria! Hurry, dear legislatures, hurry with us to fix this... this... debacle!!! After all, nothing is more rational, more safe, more good, than government regulation:
Ohio residents selling goods on eBay would have to get a license and be bonded under a law set to go into effect May 2, although authors of the legislation vow to make changes before that date to exempt individuals.
...
Besides costing $200 and posting a $50,000 bond, the license requires a one-year apprenticeship to a licensed auctioneer, acting as a bid-caller in 12 auctions, attending an approved auction school, passing a written and oral exam. Failure to get a license could result in the seller being fined up to $1,000 and jailed for a maximum of 90 days.
Because we all know how important acting as a bid caller is to an E-bay auction. Now, tell me again why government is always the first choice to solve a problem?
Everyone's favorite chess champion/Howard Hughes wannabe is at it again, this time getting tossed into solitary for... well, for being Bobby Fischer:
[Fischer's fiancee, Miyoko] Watai said Fischer became involved in a dispute with guards when he asked for an additional boiled egg at breakfast. The dispute escalated to a scuffle, leading Fischer to be placed in solitary confinement.
Normally I'd be incensed at such juvenile behavior from someone old enough to be my dad, but Fischer is just so ludicrous I can't work up the energy. I really think we need people like him, because they remind us of just how loony smart people can get.
Ron gets a not-so-delicately scented no-prize for bringing us this story of one woman's perfume problem:
A woman has filed a lawsuit against the city of Norwalk for exposure to her colleagues' perfumes and colognes, alleging officials have failed to lessen her exposure to such scents in the town clerk's office and that she is being harrassed.
City worker. Who suddenly seems unable to cope with perfume. Oh yeah, this is totally just about someone's health.
"I love the sound of sirens in the morning," said the lawyer. "Sounds like... money..."
Look, I get the heebies standing close to a regular mannequin because I keep expecting it to move. I'd have to change my pants if one actually did:
The mannequin moving in the store window is no longer a fantasy. A Japanese firm has developed a mannequin robot that can strike a pose for customers - and spy on who they are and what they're buying.
Can The Stepford Wives really be that far behind?
It's not the camera that'd bother me, it's the head following me around and talking to me that'd do it:
The teddy bear sitting in the corner of the child's room might look normal, until his head starts following the kid around using a face recognition program, perhaps also allowing a parent talk to the child through a special phone, or monitor the child via a camera and wireless Internet connection.The plush prototype, on display at Microsoft Corp.'s annual gadget showcase Wednesday, is one of several ideas researchers have for robots.
The basic problem with this idea in our own household is Olivia's tendency to grab whichever stuffed animal catches her fancy, hug it cutely, then drop it on the floor and thunder away after an unsuspecting cat. So until Teddy can talk and walk, I see limited utility here.
Ellen, being a former tech at a primate lab, will probably find this story grim but unsurprising:
Several chimpanzees broke from their cages at an animal sanctuary Thursday and attacked two visitors, seriously injuring them, authorities said. Sanctuary workers shot and killed two of the powerful animals.Officials did not immediately release the victims' names, but a television station reported that they were a couple who were visiting another chimpanzee that had been removed from their home years earlier for his own aggressive behavior.
Every primatologist I've spoken with or read has remarked that chimps are unusually excitable primates, most often compared to three year old humans. They tend to, well, freak out. In a toddler, this can be amusing. In a 150-pound-plus creature that is nearly as smart and can unscrew your head with its bare hands, not so much.
Hunter Thompson was working on WTC collapse story before mysterious sudden death, warned he'd be 'suicided'
*Oh oh oh!! I know I know I know!!!! You see, Bush was wearing a sparkly pink tutu when a bunch of monkeys riding on seahorses came knocking on Hunter's door for a tea party. But the monkeys didn't like Earl Grey tea so they got mad and made cherry jell-o instead. Bush decided that there should be fruit inside the jell-o so they had to wait a little longer. In the meantime, a bunch of Republicans were waiting on the front porch twirling like ballerinas creating a whirlwind to make the jell-o cool faster. This is when Hunter had a fit and decided to eat some lead instead of the jell-o.*
See... see... both paragraphs are ridiculous. The challenge, of course, is figuring out which one is actually fiction.
The sad thing is, we're pretty sure our moonbat readers are actually thinking about this one.
Update: Linkee now workee.
Ron gets a buff no-prize for bringing us news of a most interesting dining experience:
The diners arrived at a nice Manhattan restaurant on a cold February night and stripped off coats, hats, gloves and scarves. They didn’t stop there.Skirts, shirts, pants, underwear and stockings all ended up stashed in plastic bags by the bar as the patrons got naked for the monthly “Clothing Optional Dinner.”
The thing is, it's been my experience that the people who most want to be seen naked are the ones I'd least like to see with clothes on. And then there's a whole host of folks who just don't care, who simply enjoy the lifestyle. So we're almost certainly not talking about a night filled with naked Claudia Schiffer and Jonny Depp clones. Instead, it'd probably be a night filled with people like your aunt Judy and cousin Frank. Again, nothing wrong with that, but definitely not the "lookee-loo" sort of thing people initially imagine when the word "nudist" pops up.
Life, according to the British band The Verve, is a bittersweet symphony. But for one musician in Switzerland who can "taste" sounds the symphony is also disgusting, and tastes of mown grass and low-fat cream.
The originating article appears in Nature, so I'll refrain from coughing "Bullsh*t" on this one. For now at least. I wonder which music tastes like chicken?
PROVO, Utah - Residents in Provo, Utah, can now officially own both cats AND dogs.Read entire article.City Council members voted unanimously Tuesday to replace the word “or” with the word “and” in existing city code, which means residents can now own up to two cats — and — two dogs at the same time.
Mixed households!? Oh no!!
Actually, the title isn't a Butthead-style joke:
Some will think it a romantic gesture, others will find it grisly. But one willing couple in the UK is about to get the chance, thanks to a government-funded project intended to promote awareness of the issues surrounding tissue engineering.
What chance? The chance to make wedding rings, or really any other ring-shaped jewelry, out of their own bone tissue.
Actually, I think the flutteriness of the UK ethics board and the article's author is more interesting than the article itself. Why not come up with a commercial venture to do this, if you can actually make money at it?
Ron gets a very obedient no-prize for bringing us this story of the "smart" prisoner:
Stark County jailers let Ricky Lee Claycomb go on Tuesday after he was acquitted of a rape charge he had been brought to Ohio from Colorado to face. Jail officials apparently never saw the paperwork to return him to the prison.
I grew up near Cummins prison farm in Arkansas, and every few years we'd hear about trustee inmates left behind by the farm busses. Almost without fail, these short-time and/or older prisoners would remember the adage "you can't outrun a radio" and simply sit and wait for the gaurds to figure out the mistake.
After a long drought, AMCGltd is happy to report the real foil hatters are doing just fine, thank you:
The political aspect of mind control concerns its use in a "free" society: the testing of the technology on nonconsensual subjects, its use in political persuasion and in suppressing dissent, as well as how the very existence of the technology is covered up and concealed.
I mean, you wouldn't want us to get boring would you?
To think all this time Ellen could've just gotten a piercing:
After years fighting frames that seemed to always slip down his nose, Sooy got a bridge piercing — a relatively common piercing through the bridge of the nose. In December, he and his friend Oliver Gilroy affixed the prescription lenses to it.
Just goes to show nerds get piercings too. No, I don't have any, but that's because I'm not a nerd.
Right? Right?!?
Fark linked up this Gaurdian article about a rather interesting assertion about ancient Norse cultures:
Being hung like a Norse was key to social hierarchy and being considered a real man in 10th-century Icelandic society, according to a new paper, Size Matters: Penile Problems in Sagas of Icelanders, presented to the International Medieval Congress in Leeds, England, this week.
"This week" being October of last year, but still...
Well we definitely won't now, because it appears they've outlawed... well... you know:
The U.S. Supreme Court rejected on Tuesday a constitutional challenge to an Alabama law that makes it a crime to sell sex toys.
...
The law, adopted in 1998, allowed the sale of ordinary vibrators and body massagers that are not designed or marketed primarily as sexual aids. It exempted sales of sexual devices "for a bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial or law enforcement purpose."
While this won't prevent someone from defending their purchase of a two foot long flesh-colored plastic fist as educational, it will make it awfully amusing to hear them try.
Oh be quiet. It's their damned state, let them outlaw sex toys if they want. Since interstate commerce is controlled by the feds, a "vibramatic" is only a catalog order away.
For proof positive that, given enough time and gumption, anything can be stolen, we have this AP report:
A Norwegian family's swimming pool wasn't just bolted down, it was in the ground, but that was impediment to a band of determined thieves.When the Nicolaysen family visited their mountain cabin over the weekend, they discovered a big hole in the yard in place of the swimming pool that had been installed 20 years ago.
Beats the hell out of the blow-up kind anyway.
There's nothing quite like an encyclopedia for coldly detailing just how loony loons can be:
In Scientology doctrine, Xenu is a galactic ruler who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes, and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to cause people problems today. These events are known to Scientologists as "Incident II," and the traumatic memories associated with them as The Wall of Fire or the R6 implant. L. Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology, detailed the story in Operating Thetan level III (OT III) in 1967, famously warning that R6 was "calculated to kill (by pneumonia etc) anyone who attempts to solve it." The Xenu story was the start of the use of the volcano as a common symbol of Scientology and Dianetics from 1968 to the present day.
Amazingly, that's just the start of the article. Now, tell me again why we should listen to anyone in Hollywood?
Ok, while on the face of it this story about a knife getting through airport security is a bit worrying (if not particularly surprising), it's the other part of the story that has me thrown:
[Katrina Bell, 27,] had put the knife in her bag "just in case" before going on a blind date earlier that week, her sister and travel companion, Tikisha Bell Gowens, 30, said in The Sunday Star-Ledger of Newark.
Yeah, what a great idea! I'll stick a big horking knife in my bag. There's no chance I'll fall down, or bump into something, or reach the wrong way and hack a finger off. Nope, no chance at all.
Jennifer C. gets a no-prize (but she'll have to visit the island of Doctor Moreau to get it) for bringing us HumanDescent.com. Freaky stuff!
It's a surprise.
This is what you get when you look at a friend's online journal and see a quirkly little link. Thanks Damion!
Because smart men know women don't do a damned thing you tell them to do:
A man who used an internet chatroom to try to set up a mass suicide on Valentine's Day had been trying for at least five years to persuade women to engage in sex acts with him and then kill themselves, it has been revealed.
The family does their best to cover up the fact this guy has a severe mental illness and is completely unmedicated, even lying to the sheriff:
He was arrested last week at his mother's home in Klamath Falls, southern Oregon.He moved to Oregon about a year ago from Sacramento in California to take care of his ailing father, Sheriff Evinger said.
Yeah, right, whatever.
At least nobody got hurt. Hopefully privacy laws won't prevent authorities from getting the women who agreed to this some help as well.
James H. gets a no-prize with a siren on top for bringing us a classic "and this is a problem, how?" political hairball:
Forty-six air-raid-style sirens, purchased for $1.6 million more than a year ago for Pickering and Darlington nuclear stations [as part of an emergency alarm], are gathering dust in an Ajax warehouse while Pickering politicians try to come up with an alternative that doesn't make as much noise.
...
In Pickering, local opposition to the 27 planned sirens has been strong in the Bay Ridges and West Shore communities, where residents feel the sirens would lower property values and possibly create panic if they ever sounded.
Because, ya know, radioactive fallout is not something anyone should really panic over, right?
Instead of the sky falling on the bird, the bird falls from the sky:
There are two reports of houses being damaged by plucked chickens crashing through their roofs in Newcastle in the New South Wales Hunter Valley.
Includes our Best quote of the week award winner:
"I don't have all the answers or anything like that, but birds or chickens or whatever it is, they don't just fall from the sky and put holes in people's roofs.
Indeed...
Good lord! If this is what Welshmen do to celebrate a victory, I'd hate to see what they do when they lose:
A Welsh rugby fan cut off his own testicles to celebrate Wales beating England at rugby, the Daily Mirror reported on Tuesday.
This being Wales, there's bound to be a sheep involved. I just can't quite figure out how...
Have drug sniffing dog, will travel:
A Canadian couple has launched a business offering worried parents or concerned employers private drug-detection services that will search homes and offices for everything from marijuana to heroin.
I mean, come on, nothing says trust quite like a German shephard going through your kid's backpack, eh?
Don't you think someone needs to strap this chick is some machine and shake her till she has seizures and dies?
If it was my child this happened to, you would all be visiting me in jail after I was done with that person.
Semen makes you happy. That's the remarkable conclusion of a study comparing women whose partners wear condoms with those whose partners don't.The study, which is bound to provoke controversy, showed that the women who were directly exposed to semen were less depressed. The researchers think this is because mood-altering hormones in semen are absorbed through the vagina. They say they have ruled out other explanations.
Read entire article here.
Instapundit lets us know Mr. Eason's recent statements are nothing new (emphasis added):
it's an assertion Mr. Jordan has made before. In November, as reported in the London Guardian, Mr. Jordan said, "The reality is that at least 10 journalists have been killed by the U.S. military, and according to reports I believe to be true journalists have been arrested and tortured by U.S. forces."
As the article notes, there's not one shred of proof for any of these outrageous statements. This isn't some DU loon, or a congress critter shooting their mouth off, this is the freaking executive vice president and chief news executive of CNN!
Now, tell me again, and slowly because I'm obviously too stupid to understand... why is Fox News the "real enemy"?
For evidence that our federal government has no monopoly on wacky ideas, we have this "progressive" legislation attempting to curb graffiti in New York City:
Hoping to put a lid on graffiti vandalism, the City Council's public safety chairman introduced a bill yesterday to ban the sale of spray paint to almost everyone.
What kills me is that this area of the US has probably the most extensive public transport system in the country. All the kids have to do is hop a light rail line into Jersey and they'll have their paint. Sheesh...
The headline says it all: "Woman Accused of Giving Lethal Sherry Enema."
Warner, 58, was said to have an alcohol problem and received the wine enema because a throat ailment left him unable to drink the sherry, Turner told the newspaper.
...
The woman admitted administering the enema, but denied causing her husband's death, the Chronicle said.
It would seem that "true love" is not wine, roses, thoughtful notes, or soft kisses; it's pouring 3 liters of booze in your significant other's ass.
And I thought this was gonna be a slow news day...
Ron gets a no-prize he can take on the subway for bringing us the latest development in mobile phones:
The local branch of British mobile giant Vodafone on Monday unveiled the V603SH, billed as the first phone in Japan to respond to movements, which will let users perform basic mobile functions through programmed shakes and jerks.
Considering the legendary crowds on Japan's commuter trains, I can't help but think this'll just be an excuse to beat the crap out of everyone around you. "No, no, officer, I was just practicing my golf swing!"
Making the rounds: Everyone's favorite media quisling Eason Jordan is now claiming the Army is fragging reporters:
At a discussion moderated by David R. Gergen, the Director for Public Leadership, John F. Kennedy School of Government, Harvard University, the concept of truth, fairness, and balance in the news was weighed against corporate profit interest, the need for ratings, and how the media can affect democracy.
...
During one of the discussions about the number of journalists killed in the Iraq War, Eason Jordan asserted that he knew of 12 journalists who had not only been killed by US troops in Iraq, but they had in fact been targeted. He repeated the assertion a few times, which seemed to win favor in parts of the audience (the anti-US crowd) and cause great strain on others.
Hell I'm sure there are any number of soldiers out there who would've liked to plug, say, Geraldo or Arnett, but actually doing it? And if Mr. Jordan knew it, why the hell hasn't CNN screamed to the high hills about it? I mean, Abu Graihb is still on the goddamned front pages, and the Army was just screwing around with Iraqis back then.
I've thought Jordan needed to go ever since he admitted to covering up Hussein's excesses to maintain access. Since the MSM seem to be trying to ignore this one, maybe bloggers can keep the heat on long enough to get rid of another machiavellian careerist self-appointed "guardian of truth".
Now isn't this just what you've always wanted:
The bag from the hospital should have held his recently deceased father's belongings.But when Christopher Runyan emptied it out on the kitchen table of his Long Island home yesterday, he made a grisly discovery: a human leg.
I could make a joke that pulled together organized crime, severed body parts, New York, "Loo-wong Oiyland" (say it quickly... that's it, you've got it), and my lovely wife's ancestry, but I'm afraid it might be the last thing I post.
With apologies to John Landis et. al., Oregon Nazis. I hate Oregon Nazis:
The American Nazi Party has volunteered to pick up trash along a quiet stretch of rural road in Oregon state, causing an uproar after getting a sign placed there crediting its work.
Damned shame I don't have a '74 Dodge Monaco, but Jeff's old Trans Am should suffice (we keep expecting it to fall apart any day now). I wonder if we could get them all to line up on a bridge?
Now it's official: cats actually are the spawn of the devil...
Clearly, the Bible - by using this kind of terminology - shows beyond any reasonable doubt that the basic nature of cats, while created perfect by God, has become evil or 'beastlike' since the fall of Adam six thousand years ago, and more probably, since the Great Flood of Noah's time (c2350 B.C.E.)
Yeah, and they crap on your floor and throw up on your dinner table too! Beasties I tell you, beasties!
Originally seen at IFOC, but it was Cobb who reminded me of the thing.
Sometimes they can be a little too moble:
A Kirbyville [Louisiana] family is searching for answers about their missing home and they’re hoping you can help them. The Roth family believes crooks made a cool getaway when they drove up to their trailer, hooked it up and simply drove away.
For once, not in Arkansas!
Do you suffer from the nightmare of suspicion and doubt caused by the infidelity of a cheating spouse? Now you can find out what's really going on, the quick and easy way, with the CheckMate semen detection test kit. The CheckMate test kit is an "amazing" semen detection product that is used on underwear to quickly and easily monitor your spouse's sexual activity outside of the home.
Outside the home? How about a detection kit to monitor how many times your significant other whacks off to porn? Now thats a kit!
I mean come on, do you *really* want to find out what that stain is?
Check it all out here.
Here in the United States we call them *caskets* Only Europe and the Brits call them coffins. Don't get me started on the whole corporate funeral industy BS. Thats another article.
In the meantime, check out these cool pixes.
Pamela Stonebrooke is reviewing a portrait of a former lover painted by a friend. But there's something not quite right about the nose."It should be more alligatorish," she says.
So begins the wacky, wonderful tale of Pamela Stonebrook, the Alien Lizard Jazz Goddess. While most people greet the thought of alien abduction with fear, Ms. Stonebrook greets it with open arms, and eventually open legs.
Sometimes these stories just sort of write themselves.
Jeff gets a bashed-in no-prize for bringing us the first published pictures of USS San Francisco, the nuclear submarine that ran aground earlier this month, killing one crewmember and injuring several others. A rather stark reminder that even the most complex ship in the world is no match for a big, dumb rock.
Joshua gets a no-prize with a runny nose for bringing us the sneeze fetish forum. Just when you thought people couldn't get any weirder...
Carrie brings us this interesting story on the newest Saint in Mexico!
A very mummified No-Prize to Carrie!
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Hundreds of jumbo squid washed up dead over the last two days in one of southern California's most popular beach communities, authorities said on Thursday.Read entire article hereThe Newport Beach Fire Department said some 500 squid, measuring roughly five feet and weighing about 10 to 15 pounds each, added to the tons of debris already littering local beaches after recent heavy rains.
I'm sure all the mOOnBats out there think this is all Bush's fault. So to this I say, I hope you enjoy calamari.
I guess it really is true; people will buy anything:
Genuine dried squirrel scrotum preserved in all it’s glory. Perfect gift for that special someone who has everything - everything except some balls. Come in a 3” tall miniature glass apothecary jar. Are permanently preserved for years of entertainment.
Who am I kidding. Ellen has "the goods" from both our male cats in jars somewhere. I am not making this up. Living with a vet tech can be... educational... sometimes.
Teacher to world: stay home January 24th. Actually, since we're supposed to be getting ~ 6-8 inches of snow this weekend, there's a pretty good chance we will be staying home that day. It's not that we can't drive in the stuff, it's that we have just one very long and very straight commute route that will be dominated by lemmings who think SUVs give them a free pass from the laws of physics.
Fark brings us the latest in a long line of "why we need tort reform" cases:
A jury awarded $75 million in punitive damages Wednesday to the family of a 7-year-old girl paralyzed in a car wreck caused by a drunken football fan. A day earlier, the family was awarded $60 million in compensatory damages.
...
The compensatory damages were assessed equally against [the football fan] and Aramark Corp., the Giants Stadium concessionaire that sold beers to him at the game. The jury ruled Wednesday that Aramark was liable for the additional $75 million.
Sell some beer, get hit with $135 million worth of fines.
Problem: You're the dominant Formula-1 team, representing arguably the best drivers and race technology in the world. You're also an Italian team, and want to do something, well, nice for the Pope, who unfortunately can't drive anywhere any more.
Solution: Give him a car. A little bitty car:
Pope John Paul got a flame red Ferrari from the Italian world championship racing team on Monday -- a model of one, that is -- for having what they said was the inside track on the roads of humanity.
Many painful metaphors, of course, followed. Includes picture of said tiny car.
The difference is, of course, that most guys only do this in their head:
Tzaneen [South Africa]- Sexily-dressed women in a small Limpopo town have fallen prey to a group of teenage street kids that masturbate in public whenever they see them.
It would seem to me a largish can of mace and/or pepper spray would be a nice addition to this lady's purse. You'd certainly have more things to aim at.
First we had Christ on Toast, now we seem to have the Oyster Jesus:
A bar manager in Switzerland has announced plans to sell an oyster shell resembling the face of Jesus Christ, according to local media.
With suitably bizzare pic.
My sister-in-law for years collected her Husky's sheddings, and because it was a Husky she ended up with bags of the stuff. Now there's a place for her to send it:
Victoria Pettigrew started VIP Fibers three years ago in Morgan Hill, Calif., and according to a December report by the Knight Ridder News Service, has an enthusiastic clientele of pet owners who pay her to make specialty items (blankets, pillows, scarves) from their animals' hair - ''Better yarn from your pet than a sheep you never met.''
My brother's wardrobe may never be the same.
I have found the ultimate in Arkansas tackiness. A themed casket.
You heard me right. A casket. Complete with a Razorback on it.
How bout a Furby?
OR
OR try some of these!
Paranormal Rattlesnake Hiking Stick?
There are currently 2917 items that are 'haunted' on Ebay! What are you waiting for!? Go bid now!
Craig B. gets a no-prize that'll scream at him and give him bad dreams* for bringing us the Curious Case of the Cacaphonous Chondrite:
While repairing the joists in the attic I found this stone in a small cardboard box and thought it was interesting enough to take home. During the time this stone was in my home strange things happened. I noticed the house was cooler than usual, especially in the room I kept this stone in, and my dog wouldn’t go near the room. I never thought to connect this stone with the strange occurrences until one night I heard "singing" (or strange sounds) coming from the room about 2 months after I had taken the stone! Really! I have heard the "singing" or "songs" about 12-15 times after that. It’s hard to explain the sounds coming from the room but they are definitely coming from the stone. Other people have heard them also and they always originate from the area this stone is being kept!
It is, of course, an auction, so anyone who feels like dropping a minimum of $9.99 + s&h can have their very own haunted rock.
Where's my checkbook...
----
* No, it just sounds like I'm giving Ellen away.
This was actually an episode from Dr. G, Medical Examiner. Except the person died in that episode.
And in the "you do know they blow people up for these things, don't you?" category of Most Questionable Magazine Covers, we have Poland's Forum Magazine:
A Burkha-wearing babe baring her breasts on the cover of a Polish magazine has ignited a culture mini-war in Brooklyn.
Of course, had an Islamic magazine carried a picture of a topless nun on the cover, I'm sure staunchly Catholic Poles would have absolutely no problem with it, right? Then again, as noted above, Poles do not have a reputation for blowing up those who cross their medieval cultural hang-ups.