January 10, 2011
Somehow, A-1 Bug Sauce Doesn't Have the Same Ring
Posted by scott at January 10, 2011 06:41 AM
And in today's issue of "Clueless Scientist Monthly," we have the idea that meat producers should switch to bug farming because of insects' smaller carbon footprint. Fortunately, this one comes to us courtesy of a Netherlands science group, so at least my tax dollars weren't used to fund this "study." Quick! To the private jets! It's time for another climate conference to discuss the implications! I hear Antigua is very nice this time of the year.
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If you could start growing bugs large enough to give me a nice juicy and tasty porterhouse, I might not see a problem with this.
Except that it'd mean we'd have huge bugs running around - and if movies from the 50s taught me anything, it's that giant bugs only have one thing on their minds: eating the entire human race.
Novel idea: if you want to reduce carbon in the atmosphere, how about growing more plants? Plant trees everywhere, grow your grass wherever possible, have wildflowers on the highways, etc.
Because that would actually work, and deprive the environmentalists of their favorite club to bash the other, inferior members of the human race with. It would do nothing whatsoever to force other people into whatever psychological mold the Socialist Party wants them to adopt, and probably encourage MORE technological innovation and MORE industrial production, not less.
Just look at how the Deepwater Horizon disaster turned out. How is anyone supposed to terrorize the disgusting proles into social change, if they keep fixing their disasters so quickly using exactly the same industry that is murdering the planet? YES IT IS MURDERING THE PLANET BECAUSE WE SAY IT IS DAMN YOU
That said, when they can make a single bug that has as much edible meat on it as a full-grown cow, or even a chicken, then I'll be interested. Otherwise, bug farming will involve all the horrible inefficiencies that environmentalists like to howl about with regard to cattle and poultry farming, only with the added requirement that they have to process 100 - 10,000 times as many bugs to produce the same amount of meat.
Then you'd have to listen to all the complaining about inhumane conditions that we're raising the bugs in.
On top of that you'd have Chipotle free-range beetle burrito option.
Wait, beetles aren't a customary burrito ingredient? That does it, my local Taco Bell is SO getting sued.
Take heart, Tats. If you've got beetles in there it means at least some small portion of your taco hell is actually a nutritious food instead of a food-like substance.