May 31, 2013
Turtle Time

A new study on an ancient fossil is providing insights into the evolution of turtles. Specifically, how and when their shell formed.

Posted by scott at 06:28 AM eMail this entry!
February 09, 2013
Cold Storage

Whoever said tortoises were hard to keep may need to reconsider that opinion. Of course, the fact that the thing was left alone for thirty years may have helped its survival, since it was allowed to more or less mind its own business and take care of itself. Still, I don't think we'll be putting Om in a box for thirty years. On the other hand, that would at least stop her pitching herself down the stairs every few months.

Posted by scott at 08:06 AM eMail this entry!
November 17, 2012
A Snake, for the Rest of Us

For the person in your life with everything, we have a 7 foot long "gummy python". Since this one doesn't breathe or have a pulse, technically Ellen actually can have it. Of course, since it doesn't breathe or have a pulse, Ellen probably won't want it. I've never been particularly fond of that style of candy, so whatevah...

Posted by scott at 08:18 AM eMail this entry!
September 08, 2012
Well Hello There

It's nice to know it doesn't just happen to me: after visiting a national park, a South African couple discovered an unexpected guest tried to hitch a ride home with them. Fortunately all involved walked away fine. I guess the only real difference would be Ellen trying to talk everyone into letting her take it home.

Posted by scott at 06:04 AM eMail this entry!
August 14, 2012
Big Snake

Get out your record books: the largest python ever harvested from the Florida Everglades is 17 foot, 7 inches long and 165 pounds. After tagging it and tracking it to its breeding grounds, scientists killed the monster and froze it for study, finding a whopping 87 eggs in the beast.

The problem is not that there are no natural predators of the beast in the Everglades. I'm just about dead certain the problem is its actual natural predator is legally prevented from organizing and profiting from hunting it. Put a bounty up for each snake caught, and defray the cost with a permit system and taxing the product. We once nearly emptied the Everglades of alligators, ferchrissake. The snakes wouldn't have a chance.

Posted by scott at 09:01 AM eMail this entry!
August 08, 2012
Baby Skate


No...this will not hatch a shoe with wheels.

Posted by Ellen at 08:37 PM eMail this entry!
July 12, 2012
Round is a Shape

Scientists have announced the discovery of an extinct turtle that was really big and really really round. Like, "round as a tire" round. The creature lived just after the KT event, so the thinking is perhaps its unusual shape was some sort of adaptation to the unusual environment around that time.

Posted by scott at 10:28 AM eMail this entry!
July 02, 2012
Lolong So-Long

It's official: a crocodile captured in the Philippines is the world's largest. We saw a NatGeo documentary on how they trapped and transported the beastie from its remote swamp lair to a city zoo. "Monster" is a term that just doesn't do this thing justice.

Posted by scott at 01:31 PM eMail this entry!
June 27, 2012
Well Hello There!

It's all fun and games on your 125 mph super bike ride until a snake crawls into your lap. Now that's some cool-headed bike handling right there, I'll say.

Posted by scott at 02:09 PM eMail this entry!
June 23, 2012
Have You Seen My Tortoise?

As of Thursday afternoon, the 44-year-old tortoise was still missing. Lechner said he’s wandered out of the couple’s yard in the past – to check out the interesting smells at a nearby trash bin or graze in the lawn of an adjacent apartment complex, but he always returns. This time, Andy Lechner said he believes the tortoise wandered out of the yard and either got lost, was picked up by a well-meaning neighbor hoping to help the animal or was snatched by someone hoping to sell him.

Read the rest of the here.

Posted by Ellen at 09:52 AM eMail this entry!
June 22, 2012
Om and Her Ball

Posted by Ellen at 06:29 PM eMail this entry!
June 09, 2012
Bitch Please!

After an incredible 115 years together two giant turtles at an Austrian zoo have gone their separate ways – refusing to share a cage any longer.

The falling out, which has baffled the zoo officials, marks the end of the world’s oldest animal 'marriage'.

According to the paper, staff at the zoo realised all was not well when Bibi attacked Poldi – biting off a chunk of his shell.

Read the rest of the article here.

Posted by Ellen at 06:58 PM eMail this entry!
June 01, 2012
I Saw a Turtle II

Nothing says "coastal shopping center" more than a snapping turtle who feels like taking a break in the parking lot. We've never been able to really figure out what makes our tortoise stop or start, so this seems completely in character. No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 09:51 AM eMail this entry!
April 05, 2012
I Sssee You

Yeah, that would make me want to turn around, too: a pilot declared an emergency when a snake appeared from behind the instrument panel of his plane. If Ellen were the pilot, the biggest problem would be air traffic controllers going deaf from all the "SQUEE!!!!" coming through the radio. Me? I'd be fine right up until it started crawling around on me. That would make the pucker factor go to at least 11.

Posted by scott at 01:40 PM eMail this entry!
March 24, 2012
No Scott, I Do Not Want One Of These

This newly discovered species, known as titanoboa (yes, the words "titan" and "boa" are in there), which lived 65 million years ago, is about to have its close-up. The New York City appearance is promoting an exhibit at the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of Natural History in D.C. opening on March 30, which ties in to a TV special on the Smithsonian Channel called, what else, "Titanoboa: Monster Snake." The two-hour program airs April 1.

But wait there's more!

New York commuters arriving at Grand Central Station were greeted by a monstrous sight: a 48-foot-long, 2,500-pound titanoboa snake.

Yes there is a display of this gargantuan snake! I have a feeling my mother will be closing her eyes when she has to walk past that one.

Check out the rest of the article on the snake here.

Posted by Ellen at 07:16 AM eMail this entry!
February 29, 2012
RC Snake!

This infomercial was too funny not to share.

Posted by Ellen at 05:49 PM eMail this entry!
February 15, 2012
Time for a Hypersonic, "SQUEE!!!"

"Hawk-eyed" scientists have discovered the world's smallest chameleon. The adult males of the Madagascar Brookesia micra are barely half an inch long when fully-grown, and when it comes right down to it are insanely cute. No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 01:31 PM eMail this entry!
January 31, 2012
Hungry Hungry Snakey

I say "huge snakes are eating annoying animals at a respectable clip in a miserably nasty swamp" and wonder what the problem is. Others, they have different ideas about what's going on. I say simplify the hunting permits and provide a 3% tax deduction on the sale of python skin and python skin products. The problem will solve itself shortly after. It won't happen though, since that doesn't let bureaucrats push people around.

Posted by scott at 01:14 PM eMail this entry!
January 09, 2012
Lost and Found

A species of tortoise thought to be extinct for nearly 150 years probably isn't. Another weird fact: nowadays the main threat to the Galapagos tortoise isn't man, it's volcanoes. Any one of the islands could suffer a severe eruption which would perhaps drive a third of the species into extinction. No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 02:18 PM eMail this entry!
December 28, 2011

When a fifteen foot crocodile wants something, it usually gets it. That's a lot of boots, bags, and belts right there, for sure. No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 08:36 AM eMail this entry!
December 05, 2011
Snake in a Christmas Tree
Posted by Ellen at 09:04 PM eMail this entry!
November 30, 2011

Posted by Ellen at 09:03 PM eMail this entry!
November 27, 2011

Every tortoise should enjoy a pumpkin.

Posted by Ellen at 04:37 PM eMail this entry!
November 08, 2011
Bite Back

Mr Nyaumbe bit the snake on the tip of the tail during the exhausting battle in the village of Sabaki.

Mr Nyaumbe used his shirt to smother the snake's head and prevent it from swallowing him.

Don't worry Mom, Ori ca't drag you up a tree yet.

Posted by Ellen at 06:50 AM eMail this entry!
November 03, 2011
There's a Snake in the Wha???

Sometimes there's no improving the Fark headline: Sorry. Cannot complete transaction. Current balance on your account is SNAKE. A really small, presumably harmless, and very angry snake, to be exact. No, Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 06:28 AM eMail this entry!
September 06, 2011
1 Ton Croc!

Mayor Edwin Cox Elorde said dozens of villagers and experts ensnared the 21-foot (6.4-meter) male crocodile along a creek in Bunawan township in Agusan del Sur province after a three-week hunt. It could be one of the largest crocodiles to be captured alive in recent years, he said, quoting local crocodile experts.

Read the article and see the picture!

Posted by Ellen at 04:56 AM eMail this entry!
August 27, 2011
Ren Faire Tort!

We now have a mission for Om! She will be put to work. Carrying a barrel of ale of course.

Posted by Ellen at 05:46 PM eMail this entry!
August 03, 2011
I Am Glad Om Is Female

Poor squeaky ball!

Posted by Ellen at 05:32 AM eMail this entry!
July 14, 2011
Oy!! A Little Help??

Hang on. I have to go get a tissue for Ellen...

Posted by scott at 10:15 PM eMail this entry!
June 26, 2011
Ribbit...Can You Find Me?...Ribbit

Posted by Ellen at 06:50 PM eMail this entry!
June 23, 2011
Your Thought for the Day

Posted by scott at 08:14 AM eMail this entry!
May 17, 2011
Snake Skin Manicure

Customers pay $150-300 for the two-and-a-half hours of nail art, which requires her to cut pieces of snakeskin to perfectly fit each nail.

How much? Not me! I have a boa that will gladly donate her sheds for nail art for me!

With pix!

Posted by Ellen at 08:42 PM eMail this entry!
April 24, 2011
Welcome to Florida!

Where else but the Sunshine State would we find a 6-foot alligator taking up residence in a lady's bathroom. Kittehs came out fine, presumably Mr. Alligator will be decorating a set of shoes or a pocketbook near you. What? Sorry, world's not running out of them anymore, ya know?

Posted by scott at 10:23 AM eMail this entry!
April 22, 2011
Yeah, That's What It's Like

I'm sure it's a reference to some obscure Unix widget. I don't care. I own a damned turtle, 'bout the size of a big orange nowadays, soon to be about the size of a hubcap. That really is what they're like.

Posted by scott at 06:45 PM eMail this entry!
April 06, 2011
Stupid Is...

Let's recap the stupidity!

"To rid the subway car of any traces of germs such as salmonella, which may have been left by your snake, MBTA maintenance crews had to scrub and disinfect the Red Line car in which your snake was found."

I'm sorry? We are worried about a snake contaminating a SUBWAY CAR!??? Did I mention it was a SUBWAY CAR? One of the filthiest modes of transportation, and they are worried about a snake?

Moorhouse said she usually totes Penelope in a plush pouch -- "almost like a pillowcase that is tight on top" -- but instead hugged the snake close to her skin that day to keep her warm in frigid weather. She did not immediately notice when Penelope slithered away.

Let's end this stupid person's problem. It's called a lock top bucket with holes drilled in with a warmed sock of dry rice. See? Problem fixed! My boa travels this way all the time and she is 25 pounds of love!

Both snakes are thriving, she said, and the three-year-old Penelope seems more playful and more adventurous now than before she went missing.

It's called FREEDOM! She had a taste for it, OR it's hungry.

Read the entire asinine article here.

Posted by Ellen at 09:34 PM eMail this entry!
April 01, 2011
~ Ya See I Searched Through the Zoo House for a Snake with No Name ~

Rest easy, folks, the missing snake has been found, safe and sound. No, Ellen, you can't have it. You either, Amber.

Posted by scott at 07:20 AM eMail this entry!
March 26, 2011

JAKARTA, Indonesia - Two Komodo dragons mauled a fruit-picker to death in eastern Indonesia, police and witnesses said Tuesday, the latest in a string of attacks on humans by the world's largest lizard species.

And this is why I don't pick fruit for a living.

Posted by Ellen at 08:59 PM eMail this entry!
March 24, 2011
Turtle Poop

The turtle was rescued in 2009 after marine biologists in Melbourne Beach, Fla., noticed that it seemed to be having problems digesting food. After dislodging a large piece of plastic from the animal's gastrointestinal tract, the turtle proceeded to defecate 74 foreign objects over the next month. Some of those objects included four types of latex balloons, five different types of string, nine different types of soft plastic, four different types of hard plastic, a piece of carpet-like material, and two large tar balls.

My tortoise has had multiple items taken from her while she was trying to eat that was not tortoise diet.

Posted by Ellen at 07:30 PM eMail this entry!
February 08, 2011
Leg Find

Scientists have published a new study on a recently discovered snake fossil which sheds light on just when, and how, they lost their legs. The tricky part was ensuring the exposed leg wasn't shaped by the fossilization process. A really powerful x-ray technology solved that little problem.

Posted by scott at 04:18 PM eMail this entry!
February 01, 2011
Let's Move There!

RIVERSIDE, Calif. – Animal services officers often get calls reporting "huge," monstrous reptiles, only to arrive and find an itty-bitty garden snake.

The 5-foot Monitor lizard wandering around a condo complex in the city of Riverside was way bigger than animal control officer Jenny Selter could have imagined.

That sounds like a fun neighborhood!

Posted by Ellen at 08:03 PM eMail this entry!
January 23, 2011
A House With Hisssstory

The residents are believed to be common garter snakes, a type found throughout the United States. They are not poisonous and are harmless to humans. A pest inspector has estimated they are living in the house in their thousands. 'It's not a problem, it's an infestation,' Mr Davis bravely continues. 'It's been a horrible experience.'

Even more horrible for those living there. Previous owners describe the terror of trying to sleep at night, never knowing when your bed could be invaded, in a YouTube video from as far back as 2006.

With a video!

Posted by Ellen at 07:50 AM eMail this entry!
December 14, 2010
Posted by Ellen at 05:20 PM eMail this entry!
November 10, 2010
Oh Yeah... Right There!

Posted by Ellen at 07:10 AM eMail this entry!
November 03, 2010
Jusssst Call Me... Mary

Scientists have documented a startling case of a boa constrictor with not one but two successful virgin births. Even though the snake lived with males, the offspring are not genetically related to them, and in fact are a genetic variant so bizarre it's only ever previously been created in a lab via very intricate techniques.

So, great. Now I have to worry about having more snakes without Ellen actually going out and buying them. Thanks, God. Way to help a brother out.

Posted by scott at 09:35 AM eMail this entry!
October 01, 2010
NO EssCahpay The Tub!


Dr.Bronner's soap bath!

Posted by Ellen at 09:26 PM eMail this entry!
September 30, 2010
Posted by Ellen at 06:42 AM eMail this entry!
September 29, 2010
Let's Just Hope This One Never Attacks

Jay gets a no-prize Ellen can't have for bringing us the story of a man and his pet crocodile. His seventeen foot long pet crocodile. Yeah I know, pay your taxes stay out of trouble, keep off my lawn. In this case, keep WAY off my lawn.

Posted by scott at 06:32 AM eMail this entry!
September 16, 2010
New Digs for Ol' 86

The San Diego Zoo has announced the opening of a new enclosure for their tortoises. Ellen's vowed to both own a giant tortoise of some sort and name it 86 in honor of the one she fell in love with when we last visited the SD zoo.

Posted by scott at 06:45 AM eMail this entry!
September 11, 2010

OK, I like the exotic pets, but this goes a bit far. Especially sleeping with them and having a cat around too.

Posted by Ellen at 08:16 AM eMail this entry!
September 09, 2010
Just Don't Tell The Grammas

Ellen promises Oriana will only get about a third this big. Which is a relief, until you do the math on one third of 23 feet.

Posted by scott at 09:29 PM eMail this entry!
September 08, 2010
As God is My Witness, I Thought Mice Could Fly

Jeff gets a sad but necessary no-prize for bringing us the latest idea in controlling an invasive snake species on an isolated tropical island. Let me tell you, folks, Tylenol is just about as deadly to people, were it not for our more sophisticated livers. Remember that when you forget when your last dose was next time you have the flu.

Posted by scott at 10:04 PM eMail this entry!
MAH BOWL! That one too! And That One! And That One!

Posted by Ellen at 07:07 AM eMail this entry!
September 03, 2010
I Alssso Ssssearch for SSsssarah Conner

Ok, since it doesn't poop, pee, or puke, I guess Ellen can have this one. The advances in robotics are coming fast and furious nowadays. Can C-3P0 be that far behind?

Posted by scott at 05:41 PM eMail this entry!
August 05, 2010
Can I Get A Crunchy AWW!!!

Posted by Ellen at 05:55 PM eMail this entry!
June 06, 2010
There's a Snake in Your Car! A Snake in Your Car!

Fark's headline was, When asked by reporters whether she was scared when a snake started coming out of her car's air conditioning vent a texas [sic] woman said ________? Frequent readers of this site will know the answer, were it posed to Ellen. That being, "Scott says I can't keep it."

Which is both correct and proper. NOTHING WITH A PULSE! Oh, and friends who try to think of exceptions just to screw with my day? :P :)

Posted by scott at 07:56 PM eMail this entry!
March 06, 2010
Snake Dance

Scientists have found the first direct fossil evidence that snakes preyed on dinosaurs. While a bit of a "duh" revelation, the find is one of the very few reasonably complete snake fossils ever found from the era, and does provide important insight into the evolution of one of Ellen's favorite belly dance accessories.

Posted by scott at 07:32 AM eMail this entry!
February 23, 2010
Not a Him, A Her!!

After many years of enjoying Om, my leopard spotted tortoise, we have finally found out that Om is a SHE.

Much to Olivia's tantrums... I'm still not renaming Om to "Chrissy."

Posted by Ellen at 08:46 PM eMail this entry!
January 06, 2010
I Can Hasss a Medal?

See? See, The Grammas? Snakes can be helpful family pets! Yeah, I call "shenanigans" on it, too, but it makes for a fun story. Us? Oh hell no. There's a REASON Oriana's cage has 30 pounds of books sitting on its lid.

Posted by scott at 06:24 PM eMail this entry!
October 07, 2009
I Can Hasss Ressscue?

I guess this is just more proof that rednecks can be as gentle and careful as the next person. And yes, folks, that's the same kind of snake Ellen has. Oriana's about 2/3rds that big I think. Sorry, The Grammas, snakey isn't going anywhere any time soon.

Posted by scott at 06:05 PM eMail this entry!
September 25, 2009
Your Thought for the Day


Ron gets a no prize that wondersss if he hasss a mousssee??? for bringing us this colorful poster.

Posted by scott at 11:52 AM eMail this entry!
September 21, 2009
Chinese Lady Beats Snake With Shoe

A more common mutation among snakes is the growth of a second head, which occurs in a similar way to the formation of Siamese twins in humans.


Posted by Ellen at 06:54 AM eMail this entry!
August 22, 2009
Glidin' the Day Away

Sometimes luck is bad, sometimes it's good, but for a turtle named Lucky, fortune seems to include the use of furniture sliders. He certainly doesn't seem to be suffering. He's certainly a lot more energetic than our own leopard-spotted tortoise!

Posted by scott at 07:04 AM eMail this entry!
August 03, 2009

Florida is having a huge problems with pythons in the Everglades.

Just goes to show you, it you can't take of it, don't own it.

Posted by Ellen at 08:22 PM eMail this entry!
July 19, 2009

Maybe he just wanted to play a round of golf.

Posted by Ellen at 08:29 AM eMail this entry!
July 14, 2009
Boo! Hiss!

Ellen would almost crash her car too:

Miss Dixon-Yeung, 27, was driving to the supermarket when the creature appeared from beneath the bonnet of her silver Audi TT.

She enlisted the help of Asda worker Joe Moore to remove the removed the reptile, which was later identified as a harmless North American corn snake.

The difference would be, as I'm sure you already have guessed, that Ellen would be trying to catch the thing to bring it home. Oh, and not to worry, snakey-snake ended up safely home in a field behind the store.

Posted by scott at 10:39 AM eMail this entry!
July 10, 2009
A Tortoise and a Bud


OM decided that Bud the dog was pretty nice to snuggle up against!

Posted by Ellen at 06:57 PM eMail this entry!
March 30, 2009
Python Patrol

Mark gets a no-prize Ellen would recognize instantly for bringing us news of a patrol who's mission is to keep Burmese pythons out of the Florida keys. Which wouldn't sound like too much of a problem, except it would appear some 30,000 of the buggers live just north of there, in the Everglades.

Don't worry. Ellen already has one.

Posted by scott at 03:51 PM eMail this entry!
February 04, 2009
Hiss Hiss, Mutha F-er

Scientists have announced the discovery of the largest snake ever found. Named Titanoboa cerrejonensis by its discoverers, this forty-two foot monster is thought to have lived about 60 million years ago. Not only does the find have implications about snake evolution, it also provides all sorts of information about the climate in which the critter lived.

What I want to know is, only five million years after the dinosaurs died out, just what this thing was eating? It's my understanding that for quite some time after the K-T event, the biggest animals wandering around were largish birds. And by "largish" I'm definitely not talking about house-sized beasties. More like "really really big ostrich" sized, which it sounds like this thing could eat in a gulp.

Posted by scott at 04:08 PM eMail this entry!
December 15, 2008
Boa In A Bath


6 pounds of slinky goodness!

Posted by Ellen at 08:42 PM eMail this entry!
December 03, 2008
When 176 Years Old You Become, Look as Good You Will Not
Posted by scott at 03:28 PM eMail this entry!
October 22, 2008
It's Snakes on the M-F'ing Massager!

Masseuse to customer: would you like one snake, or two? Corn snakes are on the list, so maybe we can get Cornbread a job.

Posted by scott at 11:32 AM eMail this entry!
October 09, 2008

Ron gets a no-prize that carries its house on its back for letting us know the latest news in turtle evolution. And for giving us the title of this article, of course.

I've always thought it more than amazing that a turtle's shell is essentially its front and back ribs spread apart and fused together. It's nice to know we're finally figuring out just how that happened.

Posted by scott at 06:23 PM eMail this entry!
October 06, 2008
My Husband Stinks...

I can't have a snake like this...

Who needs ADT when you can have a Cobra tank by the door!

Posted by Ellen at 10:04 PM eMail this entry!
October 03, 2008
Weer In Ur Yard...

... scarin' da help:

With chickens, goats, ducks, geese and rabbits on his 800ft allotment, Ronnie Kenyon runs a proper little menagerie.

But even he draws the line at his latest guest - a 17ft python.

My life 10 years from now, let me show you it...

My life.

Posted by scott at 08:57 AM eMail this entry!
September 25, 2008
Get Out Of My Shoe!

My boa let me show you. My boa.

Posted by Ellen at 08:41 PM eMail this entry!
September 23, 2008
I B Rollin'

Don't be hatin'. Hopefully someone turned the poor thing upright once the video was done. I think that's a leopard tortoise. If so, that's our own Om in about 10 years.

Posted by scott at 02:35 PM eMail this entry!
August 28, 2008
Paging Samuel L. Jackson, White Courtesy Phone Please

It's snakes in a mutha f'ing apartment:

A nearly fatal bite by a poisonous snake led to the arrest of a man Wednesday for keeping 51 deadly cobras and mambas in his Tokyo apartment without permission, police said.

Mark gets a hissy and hot no-prize for bringing us yet another reason not to live in a Tokyo apartment complex.

Posted by scott at 01:09 PM eMail this entry!
July 24, 2008

Mark gets a gargantuan no-prize for bringing us an example of just how big a big snake can be. One only hopes the snake hit the camera and not the photographer.

Posted by scott at 11:44 AM eMail this entry!
July 05, 2008
Torty Come Home

After a 2 & 1/2 week sojurn, Tank the tortoise has returned. While this article is a lot cheesier, it includes a video of the wanderer and his buddy.

I think Om will get to be about half the size of these guys.

Posted by scott at 10:12 AM eMail this entry!
June 24, 2008
Birthday Hugs From Cornbread


Master CB (1.8 pound cornsnake of DOOM!),-ahem... of LOVE )and his girl he protects at night from 'monsters in the closet and under the bed'. CB, you do a great job! O loves ya!

Posted by Ellen at 08:14 PM eMail this entry!
June 01, 2008


OM eating his tortoise biscuits. He loooooves his biscuits.

Posted by Ellen at 08:06 PM eMail this entry!
May 24, 2008
If Only THEY Had The Balls...

LAWRENCE (WBZ) ― Lawrence officials are investigating a bizarre case of animal cruelty in which a pet python was nailed to a telephone pole with six roofing nails and left to die.

A reward is being offered to help find whoever nailed the python to the pole at an intersection on Lexington Street, where he was left dangling for at least eight hours.

Story and video can be found here

Posted by Ellen at 02:47 PM eMail this entry!
April 21, 2008
Nom Nom Nom

To paraphrase a Finding Nemo quote, "Keepers are friends, not food":

A pet store owner is calling a police sergeant a hero for saving her from the coils of a 12-foot Burmese python doing its best to turn her into a meal.

Surprisingly enough, absolutely everyone got out of it unharmed, including the snake. File this one under "Lessons: cheaply learned."

Posted by scott at 01:44 PM eMail this entry!
March 27, 2008
Smoke up, Johnny!

Leave it to Fark to reveal the first known case of a cigarette-smoking turtle. Because we all know every story originating is China is completely and totally true, right?

Posted by scott at 11:42 AM eMail this entry!
March 05, 2008
Tortie Come Home

It's not like he can run fast or anything:

Animal control officers in Tracy [CA] have been contacted by the owner of a 150-pound tortoise that was found wandering around a residential neighborhood Monday afternoon.

Om will most likely be less than half that size fully grown. Little surprise then the next tortoise Ellen wants will be much, much bigger.

Posted by scott at 03:45 PM eMail this entry!
February 27, 2008

Y iz fud yapping?

A Kuranda [Australia] couple fears for their children's safety after a 5m python devoured their dog in front of them, just weeks after other snakes killed their cat and guinea pig.

It took me reading the article twice to make sure the creature wasn't their pet, but instead a wild animal. Ellen keeps both of her snakes locked in tanks.

Posted by scott at 08:30 AM eMail this entry!
February 25, 2008
Smoke 'em if Ya Got 'em

Tortoise: 1, House: 0. Om's not quite big enough to stack straw up next to a heating lamp (he's about 1/4th the size of the article's subject), but he will be one day. Time to re-think some tank arrangements!

Posted by scott at 08:54 AM eMail this entry!
February 21, 2008
My Tongue? I Hassss One...


Ori weighs in at around 6 pounds now!

Posted by Ellen at 08:16 PM eMail this entry!
Really, She Is Just A Big Baby...


Posted by Ellen at 08:07 PM eMail this entry!
January 19, 2008
SSSSqqqqueaky Clean!



Why yes the snakes have bath time too!

Posted by Ellen at 04:40 PM eMail this entry!
December 19, 2007
WOW! 2 Years Later...

From this...


To this! om2yearslater.jpg

OM started out at a 10 grams, and now he is nearly 2 pounds!

Posted by Ellen at 05:24 PM eMail this entry!
December 12, 2007
WHY Do Guys Do Stupid Crap Like This?

Answer me guys? WHY?

Can't you be happy with a flag attached to the back of your bike?

Posted by Ellen at 10:48 AM eMail this entry!
Now I KNEW There Was Another Reason To Have An Animal Sanctuary!

A NEW species of a giant spitting cobra - bout 2.6 metres long and with enough venom to kill up to 20 people in one bite - has been discovered in Kenya, a study said today.

The large brown spitting cobra, initially included under the black-necked spitting cobra species, was discovered at a snake farm in June 2004, but confirmed as a separate species this year.

The black-necked species grow to a maximum of two metres, with an average of 1.5 metres, scientists said, making the new species the largest in the world.


I know, I know, I can't have one.

Posted by Ellen at 10:43 AM eMail this entry!
December 11, 2007
Just Doin' Our Part...

... to join the herd:

Turtle ownership jumped 86% from 2001, to a pet population of 2 million. DeHaven cites a big increase in domestic breeding of turtles free of the salmonella that once plagued imported turtles.

In our case, Om was acquired not because of salmonella-free chelonians, but rather because of an encounter with a beach ball-sized example. Don't worry, Ellen, you've already got one. :)

Posted by scott at 01:11 PM eMail this entry!
October 20, 2007
Jay and Cornbread

Posted by Ellen at 07:47 PM eMail this entry!
September 15, 2007
Get Off My Lawn!


Aldabra style!

Posted by Ellen at 08:32 PM eMail this entry!
September 11, 2007
I'm gettin' movement all over the place, and it ain't us!

Mike J. gets a no-prize with a clever movie reference for bringing us the last thing I'd ever want to have happen to my front yard.

It's not that I exactly mind having dozens of baby snapping turtles crawling around. It's that I'd end up living with half the dratted things.

No Ellen, you can't have one.

Posted by scott at 09:36 AM eMail this entry!
July 16, 2007
Just Not Cool...

It really amazed me when people do bad things to animals.

Bob, an African spurred tortoise, was in guarded condition Saturday after thieves stole him July 7 and tried to cut his neck and slice his legs from his shell, the Los Angeles Times reported Saturday.

Let's hope they find the guys that did this.

Posted by Ellen at 07:08 AM eMail this entry!
June 29, 2007
Hooory for Torts!

Of course AMCGLTD loves torts! We have one!





Mind you , the first several pixes are Galapagos torts. They are huge! Many of the torts there are of unknown age and or well over 100 years old.

And our favorite tort of all, the Leopard Spot!


Note, the rock next to him is as big as a brick. That is how big OM will get.

Posted by Ellen at 10:59 PM eMail this entry!
June 23, 2007
Buy Me!


Sorry skink. I cannot buy you either.

Posted by Ellen at 09:38 PM eMail this entry!
Notice The Snack


The anole is larger than the snake. Perhaps they are just friends. Yeah right.

Posted by Ellen at 09:35 PM eMail this entry!
Baby Emerald Boa


Believe it or not, this guy was the size of a pencil.

Posted by Ellen at 09:29 PM eMail this entry!
Why Yes...


...I do have life insurance. Why do you ask?

Posted by Ellen at 09:25 PM eMail this entry!
LLL Reptile Escondito Mascot



Posted by Ellen at 09:18 PM eMail this entry!
Buy Me...


No Really, buy me.


I am sorry red monitor, Scott would kill us even though we had our CC ready for you. :/

Posted by Ellen at 09:11 PM eMail this entry!
June 22, 2007
Need Car Insurance?


Posted by Ellen at 04:31 PM eMail this entry!

Sulcatta babies


Hermans tortoises

Posted by Ellen at 04:29 PM eMail this entry!
A Trip to LLL Reptile

Olivia and I went to check out LLL Reptile in San Diego today. Small, yet neat store! Check it out if you can get there!





And of course...Big Red, the LLL mascot. He is HUGE and has the entire front window display as his home.


Posted by Ellen at 02:01 PM eMail this entry!
May 20, 2007
Snake Rescue


Believe it or not, the smaller snake is only a few months younger than Cornbread. This little guy is a rescue from someone that fed him one pinky mouse a week.

He is also going to lose a nice chunk of tail from numerous bad sheds.

Posted by Ellen at 04:43 PM eMail this entry!
May 06, 2007


Again... another R&A snake!

Posted by Ellen at 07:31 AM eMail this entry!


Thanks to Ron and Amber for the submission!

Posted by Ellen at 07:30 AM eMail this entry!
April 14, 2007

yodacat Medium Web view.jpg

Thanks to Amber and Ron for the pix!

Posted by Ellen at 07:15 PM eMail this entry!
April 01, 2007
Free Snake With Your Rental Van!
Posted by Ellen at 08:57 PM eMail this entry!
March 28, 2007
The Boa Constrictor Song

Too funny not to post!

Well if you have kids this is funny!

Posted by Ellen at 09:55 PM eMail this entry!
What Am I Going to Do With This Thing?
Posted by Ellen at 09:48 PM eMail this entry!
March 18, 2007
Mmmouse...It's What's For Dinner


Slinky eating a hopper.

Posted by Ellen at 08:37 PM eMail this entry!
February 13, 2007
Orianna? Is that You?

Okay, pet pythons running loose in the Everglades is, on the face of it, cool, in a sorta "sewers of New York" way. But what I want to know is, what the hell is a weatherman doing on the story?

Great. First it's Jim Cantore, weatherman of DOOOOMMMMM!!!, now this guy. Those weather people, they're up to no damned good, I tell ya...

Posted by scott at 06:02 PM eMail this entry!
January 29, 2007
Weer In Ur Howz Eatin Ur Smurfz...

Posted by Ellen at 08:28 PM eMail this entry!
January 22, 2007
Cornsnake Egg Cam!
Posted by Ellen at 05:58 PM eMail this entry!
January 19, 2007
As Amber and I Would Say...


"You got a snake on your head! A snake on your head!!

Err... I guess you have to be me and Amber to get this...

Posted by Ellen at 06:28 PM eMail this entry!
January 11, 2007
Anyone Notice a Trend Here


For some reason they are into hair. No Really!

Posted by Ellen at 08:41 PM eMail this entry!
Scott Always Said My Hair Was Full Of Snakes

Posted by Ellen at 08:34 PM eMail this entry!
December 28, 2006
Me and Orianna


Yes, she is a sweater diver

Posted by Ellen at 08:30 PM eMail this entry!
December 23, 2006


Pat has finally decided to accept the fact the snakes are a part of the family.


Posted by Ellen at 07:28 PM eMail this entry!
December 19, 2006

EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK, Fla. - "SNAKE!" Hearing this shout, Skip Snow slammed on the brakes. When the off-roader plowed to a halt, he and his partner, Lori Oberhofer, leaped out and took off running toward two snakes, actually — a pair of 10-foot Burmese pythons lying on a levee, sunning themselves.

Scott! Let's go visit Florida!I found my new career!

Posted by Ellen at 03:27 PM eMail this entry!

CINCINNATI (Dec. 18) - A 13-foot boa constrictor wrapped itself around its owner's neck and killed the man in his home, authorities said.

Read entire article here

Bit of advice, don't go INTO your snake cage. Use a hook for crying out loud.

Posted by Ellen at 03:23 PM eMail this entry!
December 01, 2006
Ramen Snake


This is the wet noodle that all the grandmas whine about being in Olivia's room. Can't you see by his mean nature that he keeps the monsters out! Mean I tell ya! GRRR!!! Look at those fangs!

Posted by Ellen at 08:20 PM eMail this entry!
October 20, 2006
Tangled Up In Yellow
Posted by Ellen at 08:59 PM eMail this entry!
October 16, 2006
Cup O' Slinky

slinky Medium Web view.jpg

Stay tuned for tomorrows brew!

Posted by Ellen at 07:04 AM eMail this entry!
October 05, 2006
You Would Hide Too if...


...the only way your human can find you whilst walkabout-ing in the living room is to put a Barbie Bandaid on your shell.

Turtles do not accessorize. Oh hell no.

Compare to this first picture for a measure of how big he's gotten. That lens cap is about the same diameter as a tennis ball.

Posted by Ellen at 08:35 PM eMail this entry!
September 19, 2006
Orianna the Boa


Yes, yes she is named after the journalist. That still does not get me out of the shit I am in. Did I mention I really need that backhoe? No really! I'll buy it from you! REALLY!

Posted by Ellen at 08:49 PM eMail this entry!
We Are So Dead!


Wendy, Amber and I are in the deepest shit possible. We hit a reptile show this Satruday and ALL came home with a snake.

Did I mention we need shovels? Dontations are accepted. So are backhoes.

Posted by Ellen at 08:36 PM eMail this entry!
September 08, 2006

I know! I'm not allowed to have one this big!

A LITTLE bloating after a big meal is an occupational hazard for pythons. But this unfortunate creature found itself unable to slink away and sleep it off.

Really cool pix is included with the story!

Posted by Ellen at 11:00 PM eMail this entry!
September 07, 2006
New Arrival!

Amber and Ron's new baby cornsnake(*ahem, Cornbread's new honey) was delivered by the Fed Ex stork this morning! Everyone start knitting pink snake booties!!

Pixes will go up as soon as I get them.

Posted by Ellen at 10:50 AM eMail this entry!
July 25, 2006
It Could Happen to You

Well, probably not, because unlike this person I'm sure Ellen would know how to properly pack a snake:

A German woman sparked panic at her local post office when a 1.5-metre (5-foot) albino python escaped from a packet she had mailed, police said on Tuesday.

The 28-year-old woman, who had sold the snake over the Internet, stuffed it in a package labelled "attention -- glass" to be sent to its new owner.

One of Ellen's snakes was in fact shipped to her, but it was very carefully packed and (as I recall) marked correctly as an animal. The snake inside was also less than 8 inches long.

Still, all around a great way to collect early on an inheritance. Now, where'd I put those stamps?

Posted by scott at 12:40 PM eMail this entry!
Slithery Arms Race

Fark linked up this report detailing a new theory about the why's and how's of primate evolution. Instead of postulating food gathering or socialization as the primary engine, Lynne Isbell, an anthropologist at the University of California, Davis, believes it was all about the avoidance of what may have been the main tree-based predator when primates evolved... snakes. Each innovation by one group resulted in another innovation to counter it from the other, until we ended up with the sophisticated species we have today. It's an interesting theory, which provides many predictions, so we'll just have to see how it pans out.

Posted by scott at 08:25 AM eMail this entry!
July 23, 2006
Fist Full of Snake


*SNIFF* I remember when he was a little pink worm last year.

Posted by Ellen at 09:28 PM eMail this entry!
Tasty Tasty!

Posted by Ellen at 09:23 PM eMail this entry!
July 19, 2006
Electric Meal

It took surgery to save a 12-foot Burmese python after it swallowed an entire queen-size electric blanket - with the electrical cord and control box.

The blanket must have gotten tangled up in the snake's rabbit dinner, owner Karl Beznoska said. He said he kept the blanket in the 60-pound reptile's cage for warmth.

Read entire article here.

Thanks to Joshua for the link!

Posted by Ellen at 09:53 PM eMail this entry!
July 10, 2006
Hog Nose Viper

Posted by Ellen at 03:27 PM eMail this entry!
Poke Me. I Dare You.

Posted by Ellen at 03:22 PM eMail this entry!
July 09, 2006
Viper Viper Burning Bright

Posted by Ellen at 09:16 PM eMail this entry!

Posted by Ellen at 09:14 PM eMail this entry!
July 03, 2006
My Baby is 1!!

One year ago tomorrow, Cornbread will be ONE!



Posted by Ellen at 06:24 PM eMail this entry!
June 29, 2006
Snake that can change color found in Borneo

I know Scott, I can't have one.

A water snake with chameleon-like ability has been found in the forests of Borneo island by researchers from the U.S. and Germany working in the area. The World Wildlife Fund said Tuesday the previously unknown snake, which is poisonous, can change the colour of its skin spontaneously like a chameleon.
Posted by Ellen at 06:59 AM eMail this entry!
June 28, 2006

Muffy, a 9-year-old Burmese python, measures 22-plus feet. That's long enough to take America's longest title from Lulu, a snake at the Bronx Zoo in New York City.

Read entire article here.

I know, I know, Ellen you can't have one.

Posted by Ellen at 08:07 AM eMail this entry!
May 29, 2006
A Tisket A Tasket...

snakebasket.jpg ...A snake in a basket.
Posted by Ellen at 03:32 PM eMail this entry!
May 28, 2006
At Least Ellen Wasn't Driving

Because if she was we'd have yet another character added to our menagerie:

The next time Dan McBride rents a car, he may want to inspect it not just for dings and dents but also for snakes.

The assistant athletic director at Eastern Kentucky University found a two-foot-long ball python in his rental car this week as he left the Ohio Valley Conference baseball tournament in Paducah.

I think our own ball python Pokey is a little bigger than this, in which case the snake would be kind of intimidating, but not a complete terror. Personality wise, Pokey is a bit dodgier than our surfer-dude-with-scales corn snake Cornbread, so I don't begrudge this guy's freak-out reaction.

At least none of The Grammas were around. If they were I have a feeling we'd be collecting life insurance policies right about now.

Posted by scott at 09:21 AM eMail this entry!
March 17, 2006
My Kind Of Car

Posted by Ellen at 08:02 PM eMail this entry!
Snakes on a Stick?

The worst snake movie evar!!!

Oh please... let us go over what snakes we saw in the first 5 seconds of the preview!

Posted by Ellen at 07:29 PM eMail this entry!
March 11, 2006


Long Mommy! Cowhnbred long!

Err... Olivia? I don't think Cornbread wants you to measure him out.

Posted by Ellen at 06:48 PM eMail this entry!
Come Here Little Birrrddssssss...

Posted by Ellen at 02:15 PM eMail this entry!
March 01, 2006
Girl Cooties!


Oh yes she did!

Posted by Ellen at 08:57 PM eMail this entry!


Cornbread was out tonight for a bit, and O loves to have him around her neck!

Posted by Ellen at 08:28 PM eMail this entry!
January 29, 2006


Why yes, Olivia did get a big fat wet snake kiss from Cornbread.

Posted by Ellen at 07:09 PM eMail this entry!
January 18, 2006
Bathing Beauty, Snake Style


I know there are a few people out there who won't use my sink again.

Posted by Ellen at 07:54 PM eMail this entry!
Hamster, snake best friends at Tokyo zoo

Zookeepers at Tokyo's Mutsugoro Okoku zoo presented the hamster -- whose name means "meal" in Japanese -- to Aochan as a tasty morsel in October, after the snake refused to eat frozen mice.

But instead of indulging, Aochan decided to make friends with the furry rodent, according to keeper Kazuya Yamamoto. The pair have shared a cage since.

See article with uber cute pix here.

Unlike a certain ball python *cough-Pokey-cough* won't eat ANYTHING right now. No carrots, no mice, no jelly bean, no M&M's**. We are tired of offering her everything in site. So last night, I shoved a mouse down her throat. Well, I force fed her in a gentle way with a thawed mouse and a chopstick. When it was all done she looked up at me in a very annoyed manner and back under her water dish she went! ** It's a Joke people!**

Posted by Ellen at 01:24 PM eMail this entry!
January 04, 2006
Snake Crazy

Everyone is going bonkers over the two-headed snake!

Now, let me tell you all about this unique little reptilian fella. This is a one of a kind, original hand puppet (specifically designed for someone with an extra hand growing from their arm). My inspiration to create this bad boy came from the infamous TWO HEADED ALBINO RAT SNAKE we all are raving about. The puppet is made from 1 1/2 cotton tube socks. The eyes and tongue are soft foam, adhered with a glue gun. The eyeballs and mouth were hand drawn with a Sharpie. The sewing has also been done by hand.

See auction with picture here.

Don't forget about the purple clay snake

Posted by Ellen at 07:01 AM eMail this entry!
January 03, 2006
When Expensive is Good

Because otherwise I'd probably have three snakes soon:

For sale: One snake. Albino. Has two heads. Asking $150,000 or best offer. The World Aquarium in St. Louis has been home to We, a one-of-a-kind two-headed albino rat snake, since 1999. President Leonard Sonnenschein has decided to sell the reptile, and bidding on eBay will start at $150,000.

Looks a lot like a corn snake to me, but what do I know?

Posted by scott at 12:46 PM eMail this entry!
November 24, 2005
Xmas Pokey

pokeyxmas-01 Medium Web view.jpg
Posted by Ellen at 05:12 PM eMail this entry!
2005 AMCG Ornament

cornbreadornament-01 Medium Web view.jpg

Posted by Ellen at 05:09 PM eMail this entry!
November 13, 2005
At The Watering Hole

Posted by Ellen at 06:05 PM eMail this entry!
November 06, 2005
In A Ball

Posted by Ellen at 04:25 PM eMail this entry!
October 31, 2005

Posted by Ellen at 08:28 PM eMail this entry!
Poking Out

Posted by Ellen at 08:22 PM eMail this entry!
October 30, 2005
It's Pokey!


Posted by Ellen at 04:39 PM eMail this entry!
Happy Ball Python! Well, Happy Owner!

Posted by Ellen at 04:36 PM eMail this entry!
Boxs Of Snakes


Yes, they are all displayed like this. Or in coleslaw containers.

Posted by Ellen at 04:32 PM eMail this entry!
October 23, 2005
Meeting Baby

It's not a small snake!

Posted by Ellen at 05:23 PM eMail this entry!
October 17, 2005
Corn Poop

It's official, I have finally been "christened" by Cornbread. Yes, he peed on me. Well, if you could call it pee. It was more of a 'peepoo' thing.

He'd crawled under my laptop, I thought merely snoozing away. Suddenly, I felt like I peed myself. Nope, it was Cornbread.

Me: "Ewww! Eww!"

Scott: "What?"

Me: "Cornbread just did business on me!"

Scott: "It was dark, he was warm and relaxed. He's a guy. This should be filed under, 'duh'"

Thing is, I know he's right. And I sleep with him!

The husband, I mean. Maybe I should swap...

Posted by Ellen at 08:21 PM eMail this entry!
October 10, 2005
Hi Cohnbwead!

Posted by Ellen at 07:01 AM eMail this entry!
October 05, 2005

A giant exotic snake's fatal mistake of trying to swallow an alligator has provided scientists with strange new evidence that pythons are continuing to spread in the Everglades.

Read entire article and video here.

A very snakish No-Prize goes out to Joshua for the link!

Posted by Ellen at 08:19 PM eMail this entry!
September 14, 2005
Black Rat Snake


Yes, this snake is in the corn snake family.

Posted by Ellen at 08:48 PM eMail this entry!
September 13, 2005
I Don't Remeber What This is...

Posted by Ellen at 07:52 PM eMail this entry!
Vietnamese Hog Nose


He just shed a few moments before the pix was taken!

Posted by Ellen at 07:33 PM eMail this entry!
Emerald Boa


You didn't think I would forget about snakes did you?

Posted by Ellen at 01:49 PM eMail this entry!
September 02, 2005
M is for MOUSE and MMMM...

I know you want to look.


Posted by Ellen at 08:09 PM eMail this entry!
August 30, 2005
Butter Spots

Posted by Ellen at 06:02 PM eMail this entry!
August 23, 2005
He Loves Flowers

Posted by scott at 09:10 PM eMail this entry!
August 19, 2005
MMMMmmm...Mouse GOOD!

Yay!! Cornbread ate!

Posted by Ellen at 09:30 PM eMail this entry!
August 18, 2005
Where Ya Goin' Cornbread?


This is the snake equivalent to going on a walk.

Posted by Ellen at 12:52 PM eMail this entry!
August 13, 2005
Stick That Tongue Back In!

Posted by Ellen at 05:33 PM eMail this entry!
August 10, 2005
Pina Colada Cornsnake

Posted by Ellen at 08:20 PM eMail this entry!
August 09, 2005


Shhh!! You are not supposed to know such an evil little creature comes out to play at night!

Posted by Ellen at 08:36 PM eMail this entry!
August 02, 2005
Black and White Cornbread

Posted by Ellen at 08:02 PM eMail this entry!
July 31, 2005
You Are Supposed To Eat It Not Ignore It

Not for the squimsh! And yes, the mouse is dead.

Posted by Ellen at 02:15 PM eMail this entry!
July 27, 2005
Climbing Around

Posted by Ellen at 08:23 PM eMail this entry!


Posted by Ellen at 08:21 PM eMail this entry!
July 26, 2005

What's in the box!?!


Prepare for lots of pixes!

A deli cup? This is a snake, not a cup of coleslaw.


A tiny deli cup too. This is expensive coleslaw.


Oh please don't jump out!



Ok really, how freaking cute is this snake?



More pixes as the week goes on and he settles in :) Many thanks to South Mountain Reptiles for picking me out my new buddy!

Posted by Ellen at 07:45 PM eMail this entry!
July 25, 2005
It's Official!

Cornbread is being shipped today for arrival at my work tomorrow!

Pixes on the entire event will be posted!

Posted by Ellen at 06:28 AM eMail this entry!
July 24, 2005
Snake Tank Part 2


Ok, so here is the new improved set up. No longer ugly and plain. Good snakey funness!

Posted by scott at 03:05 PM eMail this entry!
July 20, 2005
Tank Set Up


Yeah, yeah I know. It's a simple set up so far. Hopefully this weekend I'll get a piece of driftwood and some vines to put in there with a backround.

Posted by Ellen at 07:50 PM eMail this entry!