Convalescents get bored, I provide: The Jefferson County Sheriff's Department said the man and a woman were in the process of burglarizing the garage on Glade Chapel Road, in Hillsboro, when they decided to have sex. While having sex, the woman sprayed the man with pepper spray. And that, folks, is how to have a party.

See! See! I told you AvWeek must've been sucking up all the good stories at the Paris Airshow. No pipe-dream airlines here. No sir! Just good, clean, pipe-dream bombers. Nothin' wrong with that!

After twenty years... wait, maybe ten? Five? Oh, bloody hell, after a time span of somewhat indeterminate length, Monty Python are reuniting with their dead member for a new project. I'm pretty sure we get Epix as a cable channel but if we don't, well, there's always Netflix!

While the Obama administration keeps throwing up roadblocks to us purchasing Canadian oil, the Chinese are quietly helping to build a pipeline to the Pacific coast. The zealots strike again! My only, very cold, consolation is this sort of dithering makes it increasingly likely Obama will not see a second term. 2012 cannot possibly get here fast enough.

On Saturday a cyclist will attempt the Tour de France using an unprecedented vegan diet. Taking dietary advice from chiropractors sounds pretty suspect to me, but the guy is going faster than he ever has before. If it works for him, why not?

Me? I'm a recovering picky eater. I've got too many latent phobias to give up the few foods I know I'll always like. Vegan just ain't for me.

No, not the kind of ant farm that lives between plates of glass, I'm talking about an ant farm where the ants are herding livestock. It hasn't been conclusively proven that this specific species of ant actually is farming meat, but it seems likely.

No, really, the shark jumped over the guy. There's a nursery rhyme in there somewhere, I'm just not clever enough to tease it out. Yet another reason to stick to swimming pools and water parks, far as I'm concerned.

A recently popular New York Times article which reported "problems" with the booming natural gas industry is looking more and more like the journalistic equivalent of a drive-by. "The problem with fracking isn’t that it’s particularly new or dangerous. The methodology has been in use for decades, and it is as safe as other drilling processes. The real problem is that it could produce relatively cheap hydrocarbon energy for a very long time, and that’s what has environmentalists worried."

The apocalypse is nigh: Pope Benedict XVI is tweeting with an iPad. Chris keeps going on and on about how divine the dratted things are, but I had no idea...

Robert H. gets a no-prize that'll power a soon-to-be-extinct light bulb for bringing us news that scientists at the University of Minnesota have created a metal alloy that generates electricity when it gets hot. Exactly how much electricity is created, and how much this alloy costs to construct, isn't clear, but they gotta start somewhere.

The guy who hid in a porta-potty tank has been found and interviewed. As expected, he's a complete nutter, who's sense of smell seems to be as impaired as his judgement. Bonus: he seems to have been peeping on women in bathrooms all across Boulder. It's not clear from the article if he was interviewed in jail.

Sorry, that's all I have, time to hit the shower. *shudder*

The latest "Seal 6" rumor is that they used night vision contact lenses during the assault on Bin Laden's compound. It would be even cooler, assuming they actually exist, if it somehow made their eyes glow in the dark. I know, I know, bad for stealth, but to have a building assaulted by glowing-eyed demons would be so appropriate.

Our Geek-Fu is... weak! We missed Tau Day! In our defense, neither one of us has mad math skillz. My last math class was college algebra, twenty-five years ago. I got a C-. Ellen says she passed calculus 1, but only by blinking big hazel eyes at the instructor.

3... 2... 1...

Progressives have finally lost their damned minds: San Francisco city council is seriously considering a ban on all pet sales. Remember that article that was surprised at California's "unexpected" decline? Yeah, about that...

Will a CNN food critic's opinion of box wine bring more respectability to the genre? Who knows? We liked Pepperwood when it was in bottles, and it's the same stuff going into the box, so we're sold. Don't much care what anyone else thinks.

Making the rounds: a "nose-less" bicycle saddle may be both more comfortable and healthier than the more conventional alternative. What constitutes dignity in the cycling world never ceases to amaze me. Wandering around in tights is fine, but using a saddle that keeps the winky in good working order is not?

Me? No, no problems per-se, but I will admit to a certain mild, lingering discomfort in that region after a long ride.

What? Well of course you didn't need that image. Neither did I! Anyway, not sure if I'll try one of these or not. Need to do more research, I think. Oh, and kudos to the scare-mongering journalist... note the subtle shiv shoved (ha!) in implying such injury [pinky to mouth]may very well be permanent[/ptm]. In my case, at any rate, after some eight years of regular riding I can attest to no permanent impairment of any sort.

Oh, stop cringing. It's tacky.

A new study claims the shape of a woman's lip can predict how likely a woman is to achieve orgasm. Ok, ladies, no problem, we'll wait. Done looking in the mirror? Good. And you all thought we were silly about that whole finger length thing.

China's eventual fielding of a big-deck aircraft carrier continues to generate interest here in the West. It will be very interesting to see how India reacts to this development. Their continued efforts to improve their own blue-water capabilities cannot be a coincidence. It's always important, when considering Asia, to put away our narcissism and realize there are many players in that region, and they will usually rate their immediate neighbors as a higher priority than us.

Climate change, for the rest of us: the Sahara Desert is growing greener, at an unprecedented pace. The source? National Geographic News. Which is too bad, really. Hopefully the zealots will leave some trace after they're done punishing them for such heresy.

Not like 99.99% of us ever had a chance to view it another way, but there's now a fancy hi-rez panorama of Space Shuttle Discovery's cockpit available. This is the newer glass cockpit version. They were expensive as hell and never really did live up to their promise, but it'll be a long, long time before a space ship that big is produced again. Like the Concorde, there are reasons for this, but they'll be missed just the same.

So, did the Jackass star smear & fry himself off the side of a road, or didn't he? The rumors that he may not have actually died seem to be taking root. Will the Porsche of truth mow this down as well? Hell, some people still believe Elvis is alive, so anything's possible. Remember, folks, you heard it here first!

Top Gear isn't often mentioned in the media nowadays, but that can change when they test a civilian vehicle that can withstand military punishment. It's probably too big and/or heavy for Moab, but that's not really what it's meant for. Northern Virginia is home to every hyper-expensive SUV imagined, so I expect to see one of these in the area any day now.

For reasons even I'm not clear on, I decided to buy Waylon Jennings's Greatest Hits at (naturally) Wal Mart, because it was on sale for $7 and why not? I swear, I could've brought a bouncy blond 15 year old half naked and drunk on my arm home and got a less startled look out of Ellen.

It's what I grew up with, and I actually remember liking Jennings more than any of the rest. The music is startlingly familiar, considering I haven't listened to it in thirty years. It's a strangely appropriate bookend to my Abba's Greatest Hits.

What? Of course it's that weird inside my head. You wouldn't come around so much if I was actually normal.

He gets stuck in the tire toy!

By now most folks have heard of "fracking," the drilling technique that is revolutionizing natural gas drilling, and (increasingly) oil drilling as well. By now you've also likely heard at least a few rumors of environmental disasters surrounding the technology. The truth is far from the rumor. Greens, exaggerating and misrepresenting if not outright lying to get what they want? I'll concede it's the same tactics oil companies use but, not to put too fine a point on it, it's the same tactics oil companies use. At least they don't pretend to be looking out for anyone but themselves.

Congratulations to Tony Robinson, best known for his role as Baldric in the 80s British comedy Blackadder, for his recent marriage. Four inches taller and more than thirty years younger, no less. Hey, if they're happy, why not?

By using a new telescope array, scientists have for the first time captured images of what the dying start Betelgeuse has been blowing into space. I think it would be neat if this thing finally cooked off in our lifetimes, if only to watch the various stripes of fundamentalists around the world selling all their stuff for the rapture. Those're find discounts right there!

WOW!! It has been 8 years!!!

~Don't worry we will get her birthday photo tonight!

Junkies, like most other people, can be inventive and ingenious when it comes to getting what they want. The problem is, of course, that what junkies want makes them do crazy, violent things, and then kills them.

It appears that all the rumors that Microsoft is walking away from .net are "teh dumb." Microsoft miscommunicated and then refused to clarify, at least until they darned well feel like it. No, this is not a repeat from 1988, 1991, 1996, 2000, 2003, 2005, or 2009.

Darn it, just a few weeks too late for me to see: the second-annual World Cheese Dip Championship will be held this September in Little Rock, Arkansas. Late September in Arkansas is (as I recall) almost bearable, but will certainly be warm enough to keep the dips from freezing. All the stuff with cheese in it too, I'll wager.

It's nice to see I'm not the only one married to a insurgent shopper. Suicide bargain hunters, even. The sound you heard was Ellen's and Amber's heads exploding at all the inappropriate jokes they could make to each other over the phone, scandalizing their co-workers.

A macabre discovery in an ancient well has provided scientists with an unprecedented opportunity to study life, and death, as a Medieval Jew in Britain. Includes gratuitous "everything looks like a nail" quotes from the lead scientist, who's quotes make it seem as if they're mistaking Norfolk for Kosovo.

Personally, I like it better when politicians spew near an open mike, but this guy gets bonus points for airing out his private thoughts over an air traffic control channel. I guess it could be worse. He could've done it with the cabin mike open instead. Man, I tell you, those Southwest flights really can get interesting!

Here's one that'll make you read the headline twice: Amish man in Indiana arrested, accused of sexting girl, 12. I know, right? Since when did the Amish move to Indiana?

A clever new experiment has confirmed a forty year-old prediction about quantum mechanics. The article starts out by saying it proves a particle can be in three places at once, but finishes by implying other things. Quantum mechanics is cool, but makes my head hurt. You go figure it out.

I knew my former employer was going to lay me off almost as soon as they made the decision, and long before any action was taken. As a sysadmin, well, *the* sysadmin, I could've made a lot of trouble, but I didn't. One, because that's just tacky, and two, it's against the law. And let me tell you, they were definitely not worth going to jail over.

There's a mile of road after Scott's dropped off from work in the morning that one must be super careful of driving on. Not because of the road itself, but because it's a speed trap for all cars not paying attention. After watching dozens of cars being pulled over, I'm smart enough to put my car on cruise control at 20 mph at all times.

Today was a different story. Today I was the victim, and it wasn't for SPEEDING!

As usual I am driving along and suddenly I see a cop hop off the wall on the sidewalk and run for his car. Odd. Two minutes later there are lights flashing behind me and I'm looking at my speedometer. Yep 20 mph on the nose.

WTF?

"Sir!" Me: BLINK. BLINK. "Er...Maa'm, do you know your safety inspection sticker is not valid? It is expired."

Again... WTF? Looks at the window...No, it says 11 on one side and 10 on the other.

"Uh.. really?"

"Yes! Your license Maa'm!"

If there was one thing I was taught about dealing with the police is to make eye contact, be polite and do what they say.

He returns to his car hoping that there will be something stupid in my records and I start to text Scott and pull out my registration and insurance. No... I bought the car in late September 2010, my safety sticker is correct, 10-11, October 2011... WTF!?

He returns to the car. Returns with a ticket.

"Ma'am! I need you to sign here admitting your sticker is invalid, and that you do not need to go to court, just pay the $91 fine."

Wtf? Oh no no no...

"Um officer? Here is my registration. I just purchased this car last September. I did get it inspected or I couldn't register it." Ok, time to give the poor bastard a fig leaf. Now, deep breath, make sure the cleavage is showing, "Do you think the garage that inspected my car put the wrong year sticker on?" *blink blink smile* "I've been using the same garage next to my work for years. I would think they would know better."

The officer gets really close to my windshield. The pause was so long, I swear, swear I heard a "DING!!!"

"Yes. Yes ma'am. I believe that is what happened Ma'am." He starts to VOID out the ticket and rip it into a few pieces. "Ma'am, you go right to the shop you had it inspected and have them give you a new sticker. I am going to VOID out your ticket. Have a good day."

Right. So I just had a cop realize he read my sticker backwards and tell me to go get it fixed.

So what do I do? I went to the garage and told John, my guy I have been using for 9 years now. He looks at my sticker and starts hooting and howling how stupid the cop is and how is it English is HIS second language and he can get things straight in this country? John being John simply tells me he is going to reinspect my car right then and there (basically change the sticker) and I only have to pay for the sticker.

Ten minutes later he comes out of his garage proud and says: "There! If this man thinks he going back in time with sticker, he needs glasses or to be put away!

A cat who want to be a dog?

Great. Just great. Now Ellen will be even more spastic about port-a-potties. Heck I'm not sure I'm ever going to be the same now, and all I did was read about it. So, of course, we're linking that bad boy up right away!

Hot on the heels of the announcement of a supersonic airliner that'll never be built, we have news of a supersonic biz-jet that'll never be built. Things must be moving slowly over at the Paris airshow. Either that, or AvWeek has scooped up all the interesting stuff and this is all that's left.

Another year, another improbably large contraption promising to make lasers practical weapons. This time it's the Navy, and instead of a chemical laser it's some sort of swanky electron pumping contraption. The Army has gone on record as not believing lasers will be practical until the solid-state variety can push the power needed. Looking at the size and complexity of this latest effort, I see nothing to contradict that stance.

People are not meant to have "litters". Let alone then depend upon the community for helping raise them. You might as well stick them all in a box and write "FREE PUPPIES" on the side.

Their close-knit community has already rallied round the couple. Friends have begun extending their log home, local firms have promised to supply diapers and formula milk and a car dealership may donate a van.

Read entire article here.

"A couple of them were worried they might bear children with long faces," he joked.

Men have not been so keen on the concoction.

"The men were very stand-offish. But a few have manned-up and said it is palatable."

Mr Varley admits to trying the drink himself which he said was "ok", and "like custard".

I vomited in my mouth just reading the article.

Weird Al is just BRILLIANT!

Leave it to the Germans to solve the problem of an archeological dig by cranking the whole site out of the ground and carting it away. Definitely does away with the pesky bugs and occasional sunstroke often inflicted on the volunteers and scientists on your typical dig.

So, do humans sense magnetic fields, and if so, how? The answer, it seems is all in the eye of the beholder. Hopefully needing glasses won't affect whatever this may be, because if it is I'm sunk.

So, exactly what does someone do when a radical and articulate friend does a surprise 180 about his beliefs? Sometimes they write a thoughtful and relatively even-handed essay about it. Declaring one's self "ex-gay" would at first seem to be on par with "sort of pregnant," but I'm of the opinion human sexuality in particular is far too complex to fit in any number of boxes, and likely is more changeable than anyone would like to admit.

I'm not sure which is more entertaining, the deep fried kool-aid balls, or the author's smarmy hipster disapproval of them. Hey, why not just enjoy them both? Personally the food doesn't sound all that tasty to me, but I'll bet we wouldn't be able to keep Olivia away from them.

Meanwhile, in the full-sized helicopter world, we have this entry from Eurocopter. I'm thinking it'll be 80% of what the V-22 is for 20% of the cost. And, you know, something like 20 years less development. But don't worry about me, folks, I'll be sitting in the corner making the left side of the peanut gallery all confused, since I'm agreeing with them for once. Broken clock, twice a day, that sort of thing.

A Japanese company has taken a conventional cooking pot and turned it into an electric charger. By using thermoelectric ceramics that turn temperature differentials into electricity, this souped-up cookware is capable of fully charging, say, an iPod in a few hours. You won't power your house with it, but it should keep the smart phone alive even when the power grid goes dead.

Airbus believes a novel combination of engines and rockets may be the key to bringing back supersonic commercial travel. By 2050. Yep, it's the Paris Air Show, home of quick arms deals and very long-term dreams. I guess if I start saving now I'll be able to afford a ticket!

Will some mysterious hairs and photographs of a "face print" on a car window be enough to conclusively demonstrate Bigfoot exists? Put it another way... would a negative finding convince the fringe it doesn't?

Me, I stopped believing when I read that, for a species to continue existing, X number of individuals must be alive at any one time. The number varied, from as low as a few hundred to as high as a few thousand, but it was always a big enough number that I'm convinced something should've been found long ago.

All I can say is I hope whoever was in that SUV got out OK. I've yet to see a more graphic depiction of what makes tornadoes so destructive. Makes my involuntarily sitting through a hailstorm years ago pale in comparison.

Indoor pool: check. Sauna: check. Gym: check. Great. What about the garage? No garage, no deal. Darn, and I was all ready to write the down-payment check, too.

By using a new hormone treatment and an innovative surgical matrix, doctors have developed a therapy which could substantially reduce the number of amputations required because of trauma. War is always the worst way to discover new technologies, but I'll take what it provides.

Olivia's new game involves a dead laptop (we have several) and a PC-card blank which now doubles as a camera. She calls it "blogging."

... to a museum very near us: the Capitoline Venus, "one of the most precious and best preserved artifacts from Roman antiquity," will be on display at the National Gallery of Art this summer. The National Gallery is not as likely to be stuffed to the rafters with tourists this time of year al-la Air & Space or Natural History, so we might make a special trip. Otherwise, here's to hoping it hangs on until at least October, when the Mall museums become sane again.

Clarence Clemons, saxophonist for Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band, died yesterday at the age of 69. Five marriages and four kids... he was a busy guy in more ways than one, I suppose. He'll be missed.

Remember: 14 rounds of 12 gauge means never having to say you're sorry. Growing up in the south, I read more than my fair share of "stupid teen gets head blown off sneaking back into the house at 3 am" stories. My take is to THWACK a round into the chamber, and then blow a hole in the floor if I'm still nervous. With most shotguns, that leaves just one round left. This one, this one has OPTIONS.

Proof that it does actually happen in real life: steam roller driver killed in bizarre accident. Thing is, I'm pretty sure they haven't actually been powered by steam for decades. File that one in the same folder that has us all still saying, "tin foil."

Over the past few centuries, and likely before then, men harvesting peat in European bogs have struck upon remarkable and, to the peat cutters, no doubt frightening discoveries. More than a thousand bog bodies and skeletons have come to light, and scientists now have the means to study the remains in such detail that they can, in a sense, resurrect these ancient people.

See the map and the mummies themselves!

Also 10 ways to make a mummy.

The man who mesmerized generations of paying customers from 1947 to 1984 by extracting venom at his Miami Serpentarium as a spine-tingling South Florida attraction is dead.

He died of natural causes on Wednesday in Punta Gorda, on Florida’s west coast, where he had made his home.

He was 100 years old.

The key to longevity here...play with snakes. Venomous ones.

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa – A community came together to grant a homeless man his last wish.

That dying wish was to see his dog one more time.

It was a simple request, but one that meant the world to him in his final days.

Read entire sappy story, grab some tissues and watch the movie.

Another year, another guy building a Star Wars-themed soapbox racer. The rotating R2 unit is a nice touch, but I agree it would've been sweeter if the wings opened and shut. Hopefully his operation is small enough to avoid the attention of Lucas's lawyers... rrmm... the Empire.

I can't remember exactly which auction it was, but I do seem to remember "the Kennedy ambulance" going past the block recently on HD Theater. Turns out it's almost certainly a hoax. I'm hoping Ellen doesn't find out that these old things are not very expensive. She's been wanting one for some time now. Property values are things other people worry about in her world :).

A new archeological expedition to the famed pirate Blackbeard's shipwreck has revealed insights into the tactics he used in attacking his prey. Improvised munitions such as bags of shrapnel and chained cannonballs indicate clever uses of limited materials. Still no word of the treasure, though...

The US Senate has voted to end ethanol subsidies. And yes, this likely means corporate tax breaks are on the block as well. There. I said it. Would someone please hose down the left side of the peanut gallery? The shrieking and hooting I can take, but I draw the line at poo-flinging.

Chris W. will be inconsolable, now that "Friday" has been removed, possibly for good. Of course, that means he'll go off and find something worse. Come back, Rebecca! Please, come back!

Pleased to be welcoming Spongiforma squarepantsii, the latest in that oh-so-rare category of "named" fungus species. The article doesn't seem to mention if it's edible or not. Coming to a pineapple-shaped house near you!

The best part is, Ellen doesn't think these people have an accent. Because they don't. New Yorkers make the rules, and those are the rules. Just ask Ellen! Or the Queen Mutha!

Robert H. gets a no-prize that'll be embarrassed when it takes off its swim trunks for bringing us the story of the naked yoga instructor and the beluga whales. It seems the thinking is belugas do not like being touched by artificial stuff, so some folks in north-west Russia chucked the previously noted naked yoga expert into the (nearly freezing) water with them, to see if she had an easier time taming them. No, really! Article contains artsy-ish sort of "nud" pictures, so if that'll get you in trouble at work, wait 'till you get home.

Reason #212 why Ellen would hate jury duty (in the UK, at any rate): a juror who admitted contacting a defendant via Facebook has been sentenced to 8 months in prison for contempt of court. Even though it may vaguely resemble some sort of office, the justice system is part of the State, not the private sector. The rules are different, and you break them at your peril.

Weird Al seems to have been given one of those quick-hit surveys by one of Amber's most-favorite magazines, and the results are pretty much what you'd expect. That PIN number info'll probably come in handy. The Social Security number will, too!

And this, folks, is why zoos have switched to glass instead of iron bars. It also proves young lions aren't much brighter than young house cats. Personally, I'm surprised the lion didn't spin around and pee on the glass when it figured out the tasty treat in Keds was permanently out of reach.

One rich eccentric's effort to recover Bin Laden's body likely will be in vain. So, pictures of his corpse, or his body as fish food. The modern world presents one with such unexpected quandaries...

Landing a helicopter on a regular old concrete pad is bad enough. Landing it on a ship moving through big waves is something else all together. If my RC experience is any indication, it's not just the ship tossing around that makes it difficult. It's also the winds of the storm and the helicopter itself that make the problem much more complicated.

Is that a... ok, what *is* that in your pants? (SFW) Speedos are bad enough. I can't wait for some chav or Jersey boy to get the bright idea to double up on one of these. Well, check that. I'm pretty sure I can wait a long, long time.

Scientists with the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers were inspecting the Martis Creek Dam, which sits just outside Truckee, Calif., and about 35 miles upstream from Reno. It is one of 10 dams in the United States that has “urgent and compelling” safety concerns, according to the Corps, which owns the dam. Data from the most recent evaluation revealed that, not only does the dam have significant leakage, it also lies in close proximity to not two, but three fault zones.

Introducing the Polaris Fault.

Look, if Jon Stewart is sending up the media's latest attempt to bury Sarah Palin once and for all, that pretty much means it's "stick-a-fork-in-it" time. Even UK newspapers have noticed the frenzied non-event may have unintended consequences for the MSM. Liberals, and unintended consequences? Say it ain't so!

And now, a BMW-powered hoverbike. Yes, hoverbike. Supposedly it's capable of 173 mph and 10,000 feet. No, Ellen, Kevin, and Chris, you can't have one. I'll bet it's amazingly loud, too.

Ok, a small girl stabbing a man who's assaulting her mother seems pretty brave and effective. That is, until it's revealed she's done it before, to the same guy, for the same thing, when she was seven! I'm figuring "alcohol" wasn't mentioned because it goes without saying.

Puerto Rico's Arecibo radio telescope seems likely to lose its status as the world's largest. As part of an international initiative to build a massive radio telescope array, China has recently broken ground on its Five-hundred-meter Aperture Spherical radio Telescope (FAST). Not only will it be physically larger, but its design will incorporate new technologies to enable it to be more precise and efficient. They're even planning on letting SETI spend some time with it.

How do I meete myne maker? Lette me counte the wase. People have been dying in amusingly macabre ways throughout history. I guess it's just the thought of all those elaborate clothes, coupled with the existence of actual records, that makes the Tudor era more informative in this respect than any previous time.

A new decision from a U.S. Tax Court may have far-reaching consequences for volunteers who wish to deduct un-reimbursed expenses. The impetus for the decision involved a single woman's attempt to deduct expenses for the 70 feral cats she helped foster for a "fix-and-release" program in California. In other words, crazy cat lady: 1, IRS: 0!

Ha! From experience, I know the difference between Southern BBQ and Yankee grilling is not technique. It's blinking at the "mutha-in-loowa" who insists there's nothing wrong and we should just eat around the squirrel's claw marks. Good times, good times...

Scientists have announced the creation of cells which can create laser beams. By using a common genetic engineering trick to get specific cells to glow and then bathing them in a special sort of light, green laser light was detected emitting from them. Aside from the endless Dr. Evil imitations this enables, the development is also thought to hold promise for new types of light therapies and medical imaging.

Ever wonder what it'd be like to go through Disney World as a vaguely left-of-center Gen-X journalist so high on weed you can't quite sew the whole experience together? Well, ok, no, I don't either, but that wasn't enough to stop the Gray Lady from paying someone who is to write up his experiences. His disapproval and sense of unease at the whole thing seems to have been flattened just as surely as his family was by the Orlando summer.

He should do what we're going to do next time we go back, and what my brother has done once a year for who knows how long... revisit in the off-season, when the crowds are gone along with the hammer-blow heat.

Mike J. gets a no-prize that crashes with amusing regularity for bringing us this protest of nonsensical bike laws and the people who enforce them. Most non-cyclists don't understand how nerve-wracking bike lanes that run adjacent to parked cars can be. Maybe this will clue them in a bit.

Oh, how many people do I know who "sound" like this? "I think even crazy people are aware of Godwin’s Law by now; they are just too crazy to care. Fight it. One easy way to identify yourself as crazy is to have no sense of scale. To a crazy person, every little bit of nonsense is a crisis of epic proportions that has to be handled right now."

What's that you say? Me? How dare you! When I declare something is a CRISIS, it's a DAMNED CRISIS!

Headline!!! Catholic Cemeteries to Permit Gas Drilling Among Headstones. Actual article: a lease signed by a Pittsburgh diocese allows drilling into a mile-deep natural gas deposit anywhere on a 200 acre property, which includes about 5 acres of cemeteries. Well-known horizontal drilling technology will be used.

But I digress... ZOMG!!!! THEY'RE GONNA DRILL THROUGH GRAMMA'S GRAVE!!!

A tiny English village has become the latest victim of, "the hum." In other news, weird humming sounds have been bedeviling various small towns, apparently around the world, for years. In Northern Virginia, we call this, "construction."

Pre performance Good Luck photo with Olivia!

You'd think someone on the staff would've pointed out the obvious problem to the Des Plaines folks that people might misunderstand their "I *heart* DP" campaign. Sorry, if you don't get it either I'm not explaining. Just make sure you have safe search set to "max" when you try to look it up. At home. Site itself is SFW.

"One German organic farm has killed twice as many people as the Fukushima nuclear disaster and the Gulf Oil spill combined." But you all knew that already, not because a blogger linked it, but because it was on all the news channels. Right?

Like the guy notes: actual response: crickets.

Recent research indicates thawing most kinds of meat in hot water is safe and effective. There are a few caveats, but really, who has a sink that can fully submerge a whole roast anyway?

If you picked a Pathfinder, a highway, and a black bear, you just won the weirdest game of Clue ever. Unfortunately two people and the bear won't be able to play the game again. Remember, folks, guns don't kill people. Flying bears kill people.

And now, midget bullfighting. Oh, don't worry, no cattle were harmed in the making of the show. It's a living.

Today's "Mark Twain Truth vs. Fiction" award goes to the story of a man carrying a dead weasel who got arrested for assault. As the article notes, it was actually a marten, not a weasel. Because, you know, that's the important part of the story.

Oh who am I kidding? I was dating Ellen when she was 19. Her actual video would've involved just as much emotion, but many... many... more f-bombs and gestures. Amber, however...

(Yes, I'm pretty sure it's fake, too. But it's funny!)

There's a reason motorcycles and bicycles have a front and rear brake. Unfortunately this guy seems to have forgotten that reason. Oh, he's fine. His crotch rocket looks to be at least mostly fine, too.

I agree with Fark (because it tracks well with my own experience): #2... wow, atheists are a noisy bunch, aren't they? In fairness, I think it's at least partially caused by people of faith goading them constantly. Gets reflexive after awhile, I guess.

Wisconsin's public sector unions are at it again, this time crashing a Special Olympics ceremony. Bonus comment: "I don't know about anyone else but Im alright with this." And no, you're not the only one who spotted a Westboro Baptist Church angle.

I'm sure it'll be all over the place soon enough, but this is the first article I've seen discussing the "Wii U," the successor to, well, the Nintendo Wii (keep your "Captain Obvious" comments to yourself, bub.) The biggest change is a controller that includes an 8" LCD screen of its own to augment what you get on the main screen. Bowling may never been the same again.

So, is it really better to run barefoot? On the face of it, it's hard to argue that a few decades of running shoes would better the few million years of evolution on the savannah. As usual, human obstinacy can easily overcome both. It'd never occurred to me that shoes make you walk (or run) differently, but that's what a cyclist gets for thinking about running.

I guess, if highly motivated, kitties can learn thing like the shell game. Ours would just sit and stare pitifully at Ellen until she buckled and gave them a treat anyway.

At the nearly last moment, someone has finally got a wide-field view of a shuttle docked to a space station. That's what it was supposed to be doing the entire time it's been flying. My only disappointment is the space station seems kinda small, especially for the price.

Remember, folks, when in Indiana don't fear the space rays. No, really! It's gotta be a movie prop or something. The best this area can do is a, "Caution: Deaf Pedestrain" sign just off the south end of North Capitol street in the District, I think.

Evolution did not equip the Stink Bug for the enclosed funnel.

A very StInKy NO-Prize to Dave at Dj Feathers for the tip!

Air France has added the A380 to its Dulles Airport route. I was fortunate enough to see this very airplane take off yesterday afternoon on my way to pick up Olivia, where I pass quite close to the airport. I was just crossing an overpass when a big chunk of cloud rose out of the trees screening the runway. It took me a second to notice the "Air France" painted on the side and the double row of windows. I had no idea that was the very first flight of all. Wicked!

I link this because Ellen giggles every time the subject comes up: Erections have consequences!

Is that a bear in your hot tub? Actually, it was more like the bear found itself a convenient watering hole surrounded by an inconvenient fence. So, hot tub owners, next time you find yourself annoyed at cleaning the bugs out, just remember it could be worse!

'Some people may question why we included this scene in the final cut. But in my view I don't see how we could omit it.' Best-selling author Sir Terry is with Peter, a British man in his 70s, when he dies.

Read entire article on the right to die.

From this, in 2008:

That's a brown belt for Olivia!

Microsoft seems to have also inadvertently admitted to the existence of Halo 4. That's another series that's left me behind. We got an Xbox as part of a "keep daddy sane" program right after Olivia was born in '05, but video gaming in the main room was too disruptive, so (after finishing Halo and Halo 2, among a few others) it got relegated pretty quickly to LAN party-style meetings and I went back to gaming on the PC.

Nowadays I could probably get away with plugging an HDMI cable from the Xbox 360 into my laptop and using its screen & audio with headphones. Thing is, I still can't see dropping $300 bucks on the required hardware (Kinect controller included).

Meh, more mooching off the Xbox-360 "have's" I guess...

Just before E3 news has broken that the next Star Wars video game title will be aimed squarely at the X-Box 360 Kinect controller. The idea of actually swinging a lightsaber, even virtually, is very interesting, but I'm not sure it'll be enough to make me buy a console. Sponging off friends who have them, though, that's totally legal.

I'd propose it to Fark, but it'd never get greenlit: Man fails attempting to leap over red bull. This is not a repeat from 2500 BC. Or BCE, if that's your cup o' tea. With video!

Fresh from its crime-fighting duties, Endeavour will now be transformed into a safe museum piece. As with anything this big and complicated, it's not as simple as you might at first imagine. As mentioned in the article, having a line rust through one day and drip hydrazine on someone would be... bad.

By using new techniques and technology, scientists at CERN have massively increased the time antimatter can be held for study. It's still only 15 minutes, so we're not going to see the stuff powering a starship any time soon, but it should allow much more extensive experiments to understand the nature of this exotic stuff.

Today's "sensationalize much?" entry in the slow news day contest is brought to you by the article that explains how the Internet is destroying the planet. No, surprisingly, they're not screeching about tentacle porn, but instead about global warming. Caused by the Internet. Really!

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It took Om over 1/2 hours to make it to the inside of the kennel!

Thanks J-Boo. :P

Robert H. gets a well-cropped no-prize for bringing us a spectacular demonstration of pilot craziness. Remember, folks, in the contest for "lowest pass," the best you can hope for is to come in second.

See! See! It's not just crazy nobody's who muck around with this hobby! It's crazy celebrities too:

(Currently) NASCAR race driver Juan Pablo Montoya is also apparently a heli-hobbyist.

What to get the newlywed couple who already have everything? This one asked for just one thing: a boob job. Bonus: excellent use of the word, "tittays."

Do not mess with mountain warriors: "At one point, after exhausting all his ammunition, he had to use the tripod of his machine gun to beat away a militant who was climbing the walls of the compound."

It did not go quietly into retirement: Endeavour's final sonic boom leads to the arrest of criminals suspected of a string of burglaries and other crimes. Report includes ever-so-helpful Captain Obvious filler about sonic booms. Heheheh... Booms...

8 years in the pool. Our mermaid is growing up.

Compare with:

The rest are here...

This blog is genuinely funny.

Possibly the BEST way to embarrass your kid, but when they are older they will look back and think what a cool person you really were.

Theories that the sense of smell may be intimately related to quantum physics are gaining respectability. Most importantly, they seem to also be gaining testability. The research could lead to chemical sensors far more sensitive than anything available today. And, you know, a lot of head-crunchingly hard math.

Scientists have announced an experiment that seems to show a subatomic particle's location and it's speed at the same time. A closer reading reveals it's not really a violation of Heisenberg's uncertainty principal, but it probably does mean something important. Exactly what, I don't know. My head always gets all 'asplodey when it comes to quantum mechanics.

Video of Virgin Galactic's latest spacecraft test has been released. The clip shows the first successful test of the innovative re-entry design pioneered with SpaceShipOne. A hands-off re-entry system... a good thing!

The heaviest elements yet discovered have now officially joined the periodic table. The as-yet-unnamed elements 114 and 116 exist for only fractions of a second before decaying into other stuff, but they do represent progress toward an "island of stability" which could see the creation of new super-heavy elements that can last for years or longer. Because nothing says safety like physicists creating artificial super-heavy, long-lived elements in the lab.

Buried deep inside one of those cheerful "the more you know" puff health articles lies a truly terrifying revelation: "Mosquitoes are more attracted to people after they drink a 12-ounce beer." Well, that's easy enough... let's up it to 24 ounces then!

Scientists are now claiming if a primordial black hole hit the Sun, we'd be able to observe the effects. Said effects are claimed to be oscillations like a ringing bell, and may already be hiding in existing data. Quick! To the archives!

And now, an electric blue lobster. What? No reason, other than it's an electric blue lobster! Blue bugs, man, blue bugs...

I think we can now officially declare that the whole zombie thing has jumped the shark. Presenting the gynecological survival guide for the zombie apocalypse. Zombie sex is just more than I'm wanting to imagine, even though I'm nearly certain porn has gone there at some point or another.

Anyone who's spent half an hour trying to wrestle a tool out of one of those damned clamshell packages will likely be pleased to hear they're being phased out. Reduces cost and frustration for me, increases the "greening" of industry. Wow. I agree with the greens about something. The mind boggles.

Scientists are making progress figuring out why it's so difficult to recall early memories of childhood. I believe I can recall events in my own childhood very far back, but it's very difficult to confirm this sort of thing nowadays.

There's dedication to the iPad, and then there's dedication to the iPad. All those times I've made fun of friends and their obsession with this glorified touch screen? Yeah, I'm not taking those back. I am, however, making room for a whole new level of obsession when it comes to fruit products.

Sometimes slow news days mean another exposed starlet, or more juvenile giggling over the latest politician caught with his wang out. Other times, you get much more important things, like a list of numbers and their various unexpected connections with history. Not completely sure just how many of them are true, since this is CNN we're talking about here, but it does make for fun reading.

By examining isotopes found in tooth enamel, scientists have discovered that our ancient ancestral sisters moved around, while our ancestral brothers stayed put. This is a pretty common pattern for human societies even today, although I'm not clever enough to beat Wikipedia into letting me know if it has a name. Using Australopethicids instead of a later species means the sample size is very small, so it will be interesting to see if the discovery holds up.

Scientists have discovered complex multicellular life-forms living at depths in the Earth's crust far below what was previously thought possible. While nematode worms aren't much to look at, their survival in such inhospitable environs suggests that places like Mars may not be as uninhabitable as previously thought.

A new study indicates North Korea is one of the happiest places on Earth, because they say it is! Well of course... all the people who disagree are stuck in camps way up in the mountains!

Many thanks to JM Hoover for the photo shoot!

Information about the Fiat 500's US debut is getting easier to find. The changes sound promising. As of last week, they were still building our Fiat dealership just down the road from where I work, but still managed to put what must've been a dozen of the little things in the parking lot. I saw one on the roads five, maybe six weeks ago, but none since then. I'm very curious what Consumer Reports makes of them, but so far they haven't published anything.

Let's hear it for those green Democrats: a new report shows the government limo fleet grew 73 percent in the past two years. The article takes pains to point out some of this might be the fault of the Bush administration, then goes on to contradict the notion by revealing the biggest beneficiary was the State Department. As we say, not as we do.

As drones become more capable and the miniaturization of guidance systems proceeds apace, the market for, and capabilities of, "micro-munitions" is growing. Bonus: one of the widgets being developed makes the bad guys sparkle.

"Experts" are saying cellphones are possibly cancerous. "[T]he study raised serious concerns because it showed a hint of a possible link between very heavy phone use and a rare but often deadly form of brain tumor. " Sign me and Ron up now, our wives are goners...