July 12, 2002
Dragon Report #1279


Greetings from Dragon Axzepztu (hyoo-man name, "magrat"). Please give my regards to Tiger Zraxktav ("Puck") and Cat rKSookz ("Egon").

Our struggle against the bourgeois canines continues with great success. Instructing the Tiger TrCHacktZ ("goblin") to use her special tail hairs of mind alteration to cement my control over humans 1138 and 3827 ("scott" and "ellen", respectively) has resulted in surprising success. Her insistence that merely laying the tail over their food and air orifices during the night would result in significant obedience gains has proven quite true. The choking noises they make have the additional benefit of being greatly amusing.

Already 3827 provides kibble almost instantly apon my command. 1138 has been tricked into imposing order on my minions by chasing them off when they attempt to steal my kibble. This obviates the need to mildly poison them and cause them to vomit my food on the "car-pet", but I still exert control over 3827 to ensure she provides the correct unique food appropriate to my status.

Mouser YrhPLAKz ("teddy") continues to attempt communication with the alien life form in the acid box (the "oscar fish" in the tank filled with "water"). Unfortunately he as ascertained that it will be some time before this new alien will be able to communicate with his fellow "oscars" to assist us in our conquest, as he has not yet reached maturity. However, your command to poison the previous occupant of the acid box was most wise, as already this alien has intimidated 3827 almost effortlessly.

Tcrapznx ("ajax") continues to prove problematic as a party member. His dedication to the hyoo-mans is most embarassing, and even repeated attempts by mouser YrhPLAKz ("teddy") to engage in dignity-raising exercises (known to the hyoo-mans as "play") has only met with limited success. Tcrapznx's ("ajax") sabotage of my effort to eliminate 1138 before 3827's "marriage" still rankles, but 1138's almost comic inability to prevent my recruiting efforts has shown the "marriage" to be largely ineffective.

Qb'Lak ("coconut") remains extremely effective at keeping bourgeois canine's spies (known to the hyoo-mans as "pigeons") at bay. Her chatters of warning are all that my minions need to rush to the windows and intimidate these admittedly tasty looking creatures into departure. Your command to manipulate 3827 into leaving a "window" open turned out to be a near-disaster. Instead of acquiring a tasty treat, I nearly lost rhPLAKz ("teddy"). In the future, please remember that we are located in a "high rise" domicile. You assigned me this observation post to keep an eye on bourgeois canine activity and co-ordinate with other party cells. Attempts at collection and destruction of bourgeois canine spies, while gratifying, should instead be left to ground-based Tigers.

Attempts at further recruitment have proven unsuccessful. 1138's resolve has unexpectedly hardened, and several manipulations of 3827 into providing recruits have failed because of his interference. We must discuss further how best to eliminate 1138 as a source of problems.

Perhaps manipulating 3827 into getting him to clean the windows, followed by judicious use of Tiger TrCHacktZ's ("goblin") feline-fu martial art skill can cause him to exit the picture?

I remain your faithful servant. Only through rigid discipline can we maximize kibble, destroy the bourgeois canines, and ensure our supply of fuzzy mice forever.

Dragon Axzepztu (hyoo-man name, "magrat")

Posted by scott at July 12, 2002 05:59 PM

eMail this entry!

ROTFLMAOPIMP @ the Dragon Report #1279

Posted by: Pat on July 12, 2002 06:48 PM

I repeat please CHANGE back to the original format. I will not complain anymore.

Posted by: PAT on August 24, 2002 03:49 AM


Posted by: Mark on July 13, 2012 11:49 AM
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