Why Me?I must have a rolling LED sign on my head that says, “Weirdos! Talk To Me! Tell me about your life! Tell me every detail of it and I will pretend to acknowledge you and nod my head in agreement to your asinine stories!” What better place to have a weirdo talk to you but your friendly reptile vet’s office? There must be a rule somewhere, that in order for one to own an ‘exotic’ pet, one must be more exotic than what one owns. Sometimes “exotic” isn’t a good thing. Case in point… Dude: “What kind of bird is that?” Pointing to me. Note: “Dude” has a parrot in a clear plastic Rubbermaid tub with a green towel on top. No, really… Me: “It’s a Pionus.” Dude: “My bird is here for tests,” then he leans into me, “expensive tests.” Nice. Did I ask you about your bird? Can’t you see I’m trying to read February’s Reptile Magazine? Then he leans in again. Dude: “You must be the one with the PIONUS car.” Wow, you can read. Please lean away; you scare me, and you smell. Me: “Yep, that would be me.” Dude: “I have that Subaru out there. It’s fast.” So I lean across him to look out the window. Some sorta Subaru WXY867-5309. Blue. No ridiculous wing on the back, so it’s not that “God Car” Scott’s sometimes talks about. Me: “Yes, that is a Subaru.” Dude: “So… Alfa Romeo.” Me: “…” (on the inside, thinking: “yes…and your point is?”) Dude: “I bet my Subaru can take your Alfa.” Do I really give a shit? You really smell and your bird is loud. And in a plastic box. Where are your eyes? Can you see out of your hair to drive your Subaru? Me: “Hmm... No... Actually, no. I don’t think it can.” Dude: “I have a blah blah blah….” *my eyes glaze at this point* “engine that has—“ Me: “Is it pretty?” Dude: “What is?” Me: “The engine. Is it pretty?” Dude: “Why do I want to see if the engine is pretty?” Me: “Exactly.” And here, as they say, endeth the lesson.