"Weather channel says it's clear up there now. Those 80 mph winds, they're long gone. No, really!"

"Ellen, it's eight o'clock."

"But it's clear. If we leave no--"

"We'll be there at four am. If we're lucky."

Long, thoughtful pause... Me, looking over with genuine alarm, "Wait a minute, you've been way too quiet---"

"If we head for Amber's house, we'll get there by midnight, arrive at mom's by seven!"

"What part of four gin and toni--"

"I'm driving! Olivia! Let's go!"

In the distance, upstairs, stage right, unannounced, "Mommay!!! Need binky!!!!"

Me: "Gggrrroaaannn"

So there we have it folks. Neither exercise, nor TV, nor absurd alcohol consumption, will stay these couriers from their mission. I shoulda been more suspicious that she was so completely on the wagon tonight.

Ayup. It's a weekend with The Inlaws. Including an encounter with A Gramma. Starting in about, oh, twelve hours. With someone who is cheerful at 3 am*. But this time, we're bringing pets to them. Two cats. In a car. For, like, six hours.

"No reward is worth this."

Lord help us all.

-----
* All names have been changed to protect Suzanne my mother in law the qween mutha an anonymous benefactor. Get it? Get it? Aiight?