August 01, 2005
Translation Guide

It all started out innocently enough:

I made a huge tactical error on last Monday's group ride. I'm not talking about missing the break, getting boxed in during the sprint or blowing my nose on the beefy guy known as Steroid Sid.

No, my big mistake was believing my buddy when he called that morning and said, "We're going to take it easy today."

So begins the introduction to the Road Bicyclist's Phrasebook. I'm not all of those things (I'm not even most of them)... but that's not to say invitees to rides shouldn't consult the phrasebook before accepting. But hey, Joshua went out with me last weekend and I only dragged him out into traffic twice! Not my fault the damned trail is 3 miles from home!

This, on the other hand... is it too early to get a prenup signed if you've been married for 6 years?:

SA [Spouse A, the spouse of the bike loon] shall be guaranteed quality time equivalent to TB [The Bike] unless it conflicts with TB in which case TB gets preference. Service time shall be guaranteed and considered a separate requirement. In the event of emergency, ie SA stranded, child sets hair on fire etc, SB [Spouse B, the bike loon] shall complete whatever TB related activity as soon as possible and attend said emergency. In the event of a in-law visit or should, for any reason, SB become depressed or otherwise in need of stress relief, SB shall be permitted as much time w/TB or TB related activities, magazines, books, events etc as needed until such time SB feels better.

Oh shaddup. Replace TB with "Canon [something complicated]" or "Dallas Cowboys" or "Trans Am" and there's at least three guys out there who'll suddenly look up at the sky and start whistling.

And don't even get me started on the CD-ROM filled with 2500 pictures!


Posted by scott at August 01, 2005 02:31 PM

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