I would've sent it in to a magazine somewhere, but the little monster moved just as I pushed the button. My only real hope is that, if Ellen's and my history are any indicator, she'll be a really gawky teenager. If not, lord help us all.

Oh be quiet. If she follows her mom's path, at 21 she'll be able to write her own ticket and wonder why guys pay so much attention to her. But by then (God willing) she'll be in college, and will be able to lie to the old man convincingly.