June 16, 2004
It's My Life


Oh no, the dreaded bong of doom. Chrysler must have had a bad spot in the past where people just forgot to check the gas gauges of their cars, so the efficient Krauts Stormtroopers Ubermench ... engineers ... who created our vehicle helpfully designed in a little bell to ring when you hit a quarter tank. Scares the hell out of me every time when I'm driving, which gives Ellen a good chuckle.

When it gets especially low, it bongs an extra-helpful three times. Which it did just now, just as we exited I-66 and were pulling onto the "connector" heading toward the toll road and home. It was a beautiful day, sun shining in a clear blue sky, crayon-green trees merrily belching nose-clenching pollen, all accompanied by the meaty thunk-splat of cicadas as they caromed off our windshield at an appreciable fraction of the speed of light.

Ellen: "We need gas."(thunk-splat)

Scott: "Yeah. I meant to fill up before we left work, but I forgot. I'm not even sure where a gas station is on this end of the toll road. We'll be fine."

Of course we would, I said to myself as I drove along, if we even have one gallon of gas in the tank, that'll carry us 35 miles. It's no more than about 30 miles to home. Plenty of juice to get (thunk-splat) home, pick up the kid, and hit a gas--

"I know what you're thinking," Ellen suddenly said, in an uncanny imitation of a certain steely-eyed Clint Eastwood character, "you're wondering if you've got enough gas to make it home. Well, I tell you, I've lost track myself in all this excitement. But seeing as daycare charges $20 every 5 minutes if we're late, and a tow truck would take at least an hour to even get here, an hour you'd spend with me standing on the side of the road telling the world what a stupid f---- you are, you've gotta ask yourself one question: do I feel lucky?

Well... do ya, punk?"

Finding a gas station turned out to be surprisingly easy.

Posted by scott at June 16, 2004 10:01 AM

eMail this entry!

It's only funny because we've all lived it!

Posted by: VHMPrincess on June 16, 2004 01:09 PM

I've had two cars with gas level warnings. My old BMW used to have a small bright (BRIGHT!!) light that flashed on with all the sublety of a Chicago Teamster's Zippo. The Toyota had a nice laconic gas pump shaped icon that faded in and faded out like a polite Japanese salaryman trying to let you know that your fly is open. Now I drive a big old Bronco that is happy to remain completely mum about my impending gas-running-out-of-ness. Thank God it has a 750 gallon gas tank. Why, I can almost drive across the parking lot with THAT much gas.

I think a nice (quiet) chime would be great. What I'd really like is a pre-recorded message in German. (why does everything sound more official and authoritative in German?) Something along the lines of "ACTUNG! ACTUNG! Der gast ist Kaput! ACTUNG! ACTUNG!" Then the car conquers the Peugeot in the next lane.

Well, that was more than I'd planned to write.

Posted by: Mumblix Grumph on June 17, 2004 08:32 AM
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