All of the girls at work have decided this weeked to detox.
"What? When did you all turn into junkies?"
"No! It's a great way to lose 10 pounds fast!"
"Do we have to check into some center somewhere?"
"No girl, you can do it at home!"
Now I have never done this before, but I'm game for anything new diet related. Three of the ladies have decided to do something called "The Hollywood Celebrity Diet". I've heard of this, but thought it was bogus. Apparently not to these three.
Sona: "It really works! I did it 3 weeks ago and've kept 10 pounds off."
Sona did look smaller and was wearing a size smaller.
Monique: "Yep, it works, you just suffer for 2 days with no food, just the damn drink."
Me: "No food?"
Monique: "What part of detox don't you get girl? You'll see a huge difference, you exercise all the time."
From the label:
Important: Do not consume food, alcohol, or caffine while on this diet. Do not smoke. Pregnant or lactating women, diabetic or persons of poor health should not use this diet. Please consult your physician before using this diet program. Induvidual results may vary.
Me: " What happens with this diet?"
Katina: "You shit your brains out."
Eyes get big... "Really?"
"Yep, your ass is going to hurt from all the wiping. I suggest soft toilet paper. Eventually you feel like you got to go, but nothing will come out."
Do I really want to do this? Oh why not. I'm up for a challenge. Especially since there are 3 weeks left at the weight loss contest at work
Over my shoulder: "Oh God no. They challenged you at something."
Monique: "We're all gonna do this diet again this weekend. I did it 6 months ago and kept those 10 pounds off."
Sona: "Just stay in the house... really. I made the mistake of going out and was trying to kick someone else out of the bathroom 'cause I needed it so bad."
Katina: "I'm telling you, your ass is going to hurt. But it's worth it.
So here I am acting like a total lemming. I went out tonight and bought my bottle of diet juice, says "Cinema Citrus" on the label. Sounds like something they should clean theater floors with.
I have to drink eight 8 ounce glasses of water per day (which is not a problem for me, I'm usually 2 liters per day), and mix 4 oz of this juice concentrate to 4 ounces of water and sip it casually over 4 hours.
Lather, rinse, repeat. Or, according to them, drink, think, squat.
So this weekend, other than hanging with O and cleaning my house, I am going to "cleanse, detoxify, and rejuvinate my body while allowing me to lose those unwanted pounds of fat."
Before I start this in the morning, I have to make sure I have enough toys for O, ample supply of TP in both bathrooms. I get sip a funky looking orange drink all day, for 2 days straight.
Lord, help me throught this weekend and please don't let me prolapse something important.