July 13, 2003
The First 2 Weeks
Posted by Ellen at July 13, 2003 04:47 PM
What we have learned about life and the baby in the past 2 weeks:
- Babies cry. A lot.
- We have been told that, compared to others, our baby is rather quiet.
- This frightens us.
- No matter what the books tell you, your baby is going to do the opposite!
- Whoever figured out that babies will 'soil' 7-10 diapers a day was nuts.
- We are almost done with our first pack of 228 diapers.
- Sam's Club "cube o' diapers" is an essential part of your baby's kit.
- Babies are poop factories.
- The poop factory uses a diaper change as the signal to change shifts.
- It is a very good idea to keep a diaper, any diaper, under a baby's butt at all times.
- Baths are fun.
- Babies like to fart in the tub. A lot.
- Babies get this look of astonished accomplishement when they fart.
- Pooping naked on a towl is much better than having it smear up your back, and mommy makes really funny faces if you time it just right.
- Cats (thank god) do not like to raid diaper pails. They're afraid of them.
- A baby wipe warmer is extremely handy. Imagine your ass being wiped with a cold,wet cloth at night. Now make it warm. Which do you prefer?
- Pumping milk does not give your husband the right to walk past you in the bathroom and go "Moo".
- "Does it come in chocolate?" is only funny when you say it on the inside.
- The breast pump is not a fog horn.
- Breast pads are not coasters.
- Breast pads are not frizbees.
- Breast pads are not dead mouse substitutes. Cats bringing them down for presentations to guests are not amusing.
- Dr. Sears's,baby sling is the best invention in the whole world!
- Boobs become 24-hour Diners. The only thing missing is the 50-year-old blonde waitress.
- Grandmas who act like 24-hour diner waitresses during baby feedings are not amusing.
- Breastfeeding means your husband has to share.
- Socks are impossible to keep on a baby.
- The washing machine has eaten a baby sock already. Or was it the dryer?
- Cats will not eat leftover baby formula. They will eat nasty red fish-like substances from cans (complete with cheddar bits), but they are NOT fooled by fake milk.
- Olivia smiles. Scott thinks it's just gas.
- Admit you will never have a good night's sleep for a long time.
- Appreciate naps.
- Waking up a husband in the middle of the night to change a baby can have interesting consequences. Sometimes a cat gets tossed in a closet, sometimes a baby is handed back only half changed, sometimes all he returns with is a bottle.
- Let the husband take the 5 am - 10 am shift instead.
- The bassinet, for now, is an expensive and pretty cat bed.
- Well, Ajax thinks so anyway.
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Very funny I am glad you still have your sense of humor! I am also wondering if Scott is still alive. I also hope the sling I got for Olivia is the right brand. I agree with you, Ellen, the last pix of Olivia was a definitely a smile on an angel's face.
Oh...and there's so much more still to come!
Or my personal favorite:
A perfectly happy baby becomes a screeching banshee if you should try to make a phone call! LOL
Pumping milk does not give your husband the right to walk past you in the bathroom and go "Moo".
it doesn't? Shit, I KNEW I screwed something up! Actually, Erin used to do this little stunted Mo-thing that made me laugh every time. Take your humor where you can, we say!
I'm glad you're keeping your sense of humor about the whole thing!
*giggles insanely* I'm sure she's a little joy though.