UGHHH!!! Is it over yet!?
I officially have the fattest feet I have ever seen. Krusty the Clown got nothin' on me!
I went to the doctor's office last Wednesday with my small list of complaints. No, really, I don't know why Scott shook his head when the end of it rolled off the table. First complaint was of course the swelling in my feet, especially the right foot, which makes me look like I have some weird disease that's a cross between elephantitis and, I don't know, "stay-puf'd" disease. I can push my thumb into my ankle and the impression stays there for several minutes. It's a great party trick.
The nurse was concerned because when I stepped on the scale we discovered I'd manage to pack on 4 pounds in one week. That's when I was like, "my feet are swollen." (Scott said he could hear it from the waiting room but I think he's lying. It's not like I jumped up and down or anything. Well, not very much.) She took my blood pressure 3 times just to be sure nothing was out of whack, and checked my feet. "You have a nice amount of water retention." she says, "Good thing you only have 2 weeks to go." (smiles at me and walks out) "But... but... I gained 4 pounds in ONE FOOT!" (Scott rolled his eyes at me.)
My midwife stepped in, and I told her all of my complaints, to which she laughed and said, "that's what usually happens in the last few weeks. Be glad you're not having this baby in September." She obviously was not impressed with my bout of "marshmallow disease." Scott starting giggling quietly and mumbling about"Not Being Concerned with Our Profound Life Threatening Illness" (I really don't know how he manages to speak with capitalization, but he does), so I punched him. Made me feel much better.
I asked if putting my feet up would make it go away. I got an even bigger laugh and she was like, "Nope! Not now. The humidity makes it worse too. Here's your paper, see you next week." Fuck. My skin feels like it's going to split open, and she was right, the swelling does not go down.
Only 12 days to go (technically, if she decides to show up on time. Hear me baby? Show up on time!)