June 01, 2002
My View and Some

Yeah, Ok, you better read Scott's version on the day.

NO, I don't agree with him on all aspects. I do fully admit I am short tempered and have a very small fuse. Hey, it's fucking genetic OK? I am not a patient person. I have never said I was, never will be, so don't expect it ok?

Yes, I was VERY happy that for ONCE Scott and I have been trusted to take a couple kids out to have a good time. NO, it did not kill Janet to leave the boys with us. She was more concerned if we wanted "that kind of trouble". I'd do it again with them despite all the bickering. I had a blast. *especially getting to ride the Merry GO Round. I've always wanted to go on that goddamned thing* For some reason, Scott and I must look like 2 people that cannot handle children, let alone play with them unsupervised. We get the same reaction from both sides, and I tell you, it hurts. It hurts on a very deep level.

I did find it rather funny at the end of the day when we show up to their friends house in Potomac, MD, that they were all standing in the driveway waiting for us. Dad and Janet got concerned when we did not show up exactly at 5. Dad made a comment of getting nervous because I have a horrible tendency to be exactly on time, and never late.

I had a good time. I got sunburned even with and SPF 30 being applied rather liberally. I had a good time even though I had to help tote around two rather too large T-Rex stuffed animals all day.

What does get me, and I don't think Scott will EVER understand is, that when I see my younger siblings get spoiled to the point that they start taking things for granted- it gets to me.*hence having extremly puffy eyes after visiting my family* It gets to me in ways that I will remain upset for days. I see this in both my younger brothers and sister. Why didn't I ever get that? How come I always had to be a grown up, even when I was a kid. They all still expect that from me.

Perhaps this is one of my really weird desperations in wanting my OWN family. NO its NOT the same to play with someone elses kid. Im sorry. It just isn't. Playing isn't fun. Getting out there and giving a new experience is. As you read this, you will think "wow, some deep jealously there"-almost resentful. Well, perhaps. And you know what? I really don't care. You aren't me, you will never be me. You will never know what is really spinning inside my head on this. Perhaps you really dont care. And, I don't really care what you think.

ps. Counsling does not help or even remotefully tinker on the subject. Been there, done that, wearing the fucking t-shirt OK!? *cause I know the little voice in your head is saying "you need some counsling*

Posted by Ellen at June 01, 2002 09:09 PM

eMail this entry!

Wow! You were really brave to see Washington with three "men" in tow. You will be a terrific Mom. I will go out and play with you anytime, anyplace Luvy!

Posted by: Pat on June 2, 2002 05:44 PM

It's not that I don't trust you with JT. It's not that Cindy doesn't trust you with JT. If you guys want to spend time with him (Take him to the zoo etc) We don't have a problem with that. The only thing I have a problem with is to date. If you want to spend time with him by yourselves I have to drive him out to Alexandria, Drop him off, drive back home to do something (I don't know anybody around your house to kill 5-6 hours with while you have him), drive all the way back out to Alexandria, pick him up, drive home. Also nobody has ever asked "Hey we want to take JT to the zoo, could we come get him on X day" As long as he is feeing good that isn't a problem. In fact your welcome to him (As long as you slather him up with sunscreen and feed and water him.) Just let me know a few days in advance when you would like to spend time with him and it shouldn't be a problem (As long as we don't have something planned to do like a family reunion etc) The only reason he hasn't spent the night over at your place is that it isn't exactly Child proof right now. When you get your new home have at him.

Posted by: Jeff on June 3, 2002 09:57 AM
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