As a man, the hormone and mood shifts of women mystify me. Of course, as a Man I am forbidden from attempting to comprehend such things, especially in the presence of an Enlightened Empress such as my wife. I am merely to accept these things and acknowledge that I am at fault whenever and however the she wishes me to be. However, last weekend I was to observe something that had only been hinted at by Enlightened Empresses all over the world-- the Power of Chocolate.
This had actually been a relatively moderate week. I'd gotten yelled at for no reason for only a few days. Ellen hadn't resorted to yelling at cats, fish, plants, or rocks. These are good things. However, this was going to be a bad day for all involved. We had to go get the car serviced, which meant Ellen would have to sit still in a quiet place for several hours. This is Not Good. So I watched with trepidation as the forces started to build up. Eventually she was vibrating like a guitar string.
However, on that day we happened by a Girl Scout troop selling cookies. Ellen picked up a box of thin mints so fast I'm not sure the girls realized they'd been paid. I was more worried that they might have lost fingers.
Now at other times I've watched her consume nearly an entire box between the grocery store and the house (about 5 minutes). But, because we were shopping (which apparently takes the edge off), the cookies were eventually forgotten in her purse.
Later that night it got bad again, because... well, because it's none of my damned business why it got bad, and if you haven't figured that out yet you've got to be male and stupid. Anyway, just as the death rays were about to lock on to me, I remembered... THIN MINTS! I'm saved!
So, with the polite deference of a properly frightened servant, I suggested that maybe she could get us something special we had in the kitchen. She hopped up happily and got some ice cream out of the freezer. I shook my head... "no, I meant the other special something... the one we got this morning." I was greeted with a suspicous look. No time to argue, got to act fast! "Cookies! Remember the cookies!"
Her eyes got big and she let out a gasp... THIN MINTS! There was a semi-frantic pawing with all sorts of things flung out of the purse as the treasure was unearthed. The box lid was open in a flash and out came one whole stack. She'd had three of them before she sat down.
It was only after the stack had been nearly consumed that I noticed something-- there was nothing to notice! Ellen was sitting calmly, slowing picking out the last two cookies from the stack, watching TV and typing quietly on the computer. No anger. No buzzing. No clenching hands because of what someone else was typing to her. Everything was at peace... passive.
It was then, and only then, that I realized I had actually witnessed first hand one of the miracles of being female.
The. Power. Of. Chocolate.