Fark (of course) linked up the discovery of a species of soft shelled turtle previously thought to be extinct. The Cantor's giant turtle has been found in abundance along a stretch of the Mekong delta in former Khmer Rouge territory. The soft-shelled mud dweller can grow up to six feet across and weigh more than 110 pounds. It also has jaws which can "crush bone", with a long neck and lightning reflexes. Don't touch! Cambodian and international conservation officials are already taking steps to protect the area, as the species has the unfortunate distinction of being an expensive delicacy in neighboring Vietnam.

No, Ellen, you can't have one.