After tinkering on and off for about two months, I finally got a new toy set up on the network. I am now basking in much SNMP goodness. Like a chimpanzee that's found a gun in the jungle, I'm not quite sure what to do with it, and am pretty sure it might be dangerous, but it definitely does something and if I figure out which way to point it it's gonna rock.
I've tried to get these fancy SNMP widgets to work probably three, four times in the past ten years. Never did get much out of them, most likely because they're extremely powerful tools by geeks for geeks and therefore require a ton of learnin' to leverage them. It'll be interesting to see if I'm able to dedicate enough to make it stick this time.