March 29, 2005
Johnnie Cochran is dead at 67
Posted by Ellen at March 29, 2005 06:43 PM
Famed attorney Johnnie Cochran, 67, perhaps best known for his defense of O.J. Simpson, died Tuesday at his home in Los Angeles.
Read entire article here.
We still think OJ is guilty. I'm sure Cochran will find out.
No-Prize to Rich who notified us of the news break.
eMail this entry!
Hell, I didn't even know he was sick. That being said, I think his best work was on South Park:
Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself!
But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this [pointing to a picture of Chewbacca] is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!
But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!
Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense!
And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.
If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
But wait - it gets better when he flipped sides
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, you must now decide whether to reverse the decision for my client Chef. I know he seems guilty, but ladies and gentlemen... [pulling down a diagram of Chewbacca] This is Chewbacca. Now think about that for one moment—that does not make sense. Why am I talking about Chewbacca when a man's life is on the line? Why? I'll tell you why: I don't know.
It does not make sense. If Chewbacca does not make sense, you must acquit!
[pulling a monkey out of his pocket] Here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey! [one juror's head explodes]
shamelessly stolen from Wikipedia's entry on the Chewbacca defense.
Cochran: "Hey, uh, God. Look, I know I helped loose a murderer on society, and gave him enough fame and adoration in the process that he can kill with impunity for the rest of his life and nobody will even dare question him, but I was just doing my job."
God: "So am I." *SMITE*