Actual conversation in our house, while we're putting new sheets on the bed:
Ellen: "You know, eventually we'll have to start being quieter... Olivia's bedroom shares a wall with ours, and she's nearly talking already."
Me: "Nah, I got this one all figured out... we'll just tell her 'Mommy and daddy are being affectionate.'"
Ellen: "Oh yeah, that'll work, I can just see it now. Olivia meets her best friend, grabs them in the school parking lot, and starts shouting 'OH Yes! YES! YES!"
Me: "Yeah, you know what she'd tell her teacher..."
Together: "What? I was just being affectionate."
Me: "Even better, when her friend goes home to mom and does the same thing... you know what mom will say?"
Together: "You've been playing with that Johnson child again, haven't you?"