Actual conversation in our house, while we're putting new sheets on the bed:

Ellen: "You know, eventually we'll have to start being quieter... Olivia's bedroom shares a wall with ours, and she's nearly talking already."

Me: "Nah, I got this one all figured out... we'll just tell her 'Mommy and daddy are being affectionate.'"

Ellen: "Oh yeah, that'll work, I can just see it now. Olivia meets her best friend, grabs them in the school parking lot, and starts shouting 'OH Yes! YES! YES!"

Me: "Yeah, you know what she'd tell her teacher..."

Together: "What? I was just being affectionate."

Me: "Even better, when her friend goes home to mom and does the same thing... you know what mom will say?"

Together: "You've been playing with that Johnson child again, haven't you?"

No, I won't tell you where she eventually goes to school. Your kid's not going to get off that easy.