April 29, 2004
Boobs in a Box

Ever see these on late night TV? I saw this boob gadget on HSN a few weeks ago and was very interested, almost immediately. Why? 'Cause it has to do with making boobs bigger! Cheaper! Bigger, faster, cheaper... how American is that? Not saggy ass big boobs, but boobs that [echo]defy-y-y-y... gravity-ty-ty-ty....[/echo]

Today I was in CVS, again, getting O more antibiotics, again, for an ear infection that will not go away. Suddenly, I noticed a halo-like glow coming from one of the shelves. A hosana of angels could be heard. Sure, it sounded a lot like No Doubt's "My Life" in Muzak, but hey, work with me here.

BOOBS!!! IN A BOX!!! OH. MY. GOD!!! CVS HAS THEM!!! And for 1/2 off the TV price! What a steal! And in a C cup! Bigger is better with an Italian ass to compliment. I don't think I was ever prouder or more eager to run up to a counter and pay for something from an infomercial. Yes, I had become that housewife in curlers. If I smoked I would've had a cigarette hanging out of my mouth as I pulled out the credit card.

But would they really work?

Upon returning home, I found myself unable to open the damn packaging. Would someone please explain to me when transparent kevlar was invented, and which marketing dumbass thought it would be great to use as packaging? Bandsaws can't get through this stuff.

But it couldn't stop me. I was on a mission. When I did have it open, the package literally sang to me. Tiny Dolly Partons with wings fluttered down from the heavens, and every redneck in the world suddenly had the irresistable urge to snap his eyes downward. BOOOOOOOOBSS!!! TOUCH ME!!! FEEL MY SILICONE-Y GOODNESS!!!

WOW! Soft! And sticky on the inside. Right there in the kitchen, off comes the blouse and bra and I stick my new boobs on (according to the package directions.)

WOW!!!! They pass the jump test. *BOINGY! BOINGY! BOINGY!* They pass the arms over the head, the bend over and chest sqeeze. Scott thought I was doing a warmup. These things STICK! But do they look good under a shirt? OH HELL YEAH!!! and NO SEAMS!

They are pretty darn neat! But as I looked at myself in the mirror, I wanted them bigger. Eventually I want to shelter a small immigrant family under my cleavage. It's not there yet, but it's a start. I got an awsome pair of boobs.

In a box!

Posted by Ellen at April 29, 2004 09:10 PM

eMail this entry!

Definitely go for the ones in a box. They weigh less than the natural ones I'm lugging around and you get a break from them while you sleep.

Posted by: Da Goddess on April 29, 2004 09:49 PM

Maybe I'm a freak, but I think women who want bigger boobs are sexier than women who actually have them.

Posted by: Tatterdemalian on April 29, 2004 10:52 PM

Big boobs are very uncomfortable, make your clothes look funny and are just something I would prefer to put in a box by the bed side. I think you should go down and purchase a set of B cups just in case you find the C cups too much of a bother. You can get them caught in the fridge if you don't watch out. lol

Posted by: Pat on April 30, 2004 08:29 AM

ROTFL! Boobs in a Box! What will they think of next!! How 'bout some tasteful before and after pictures... ;-)

Posted by: Greeblie on April 30, 2004 11:43 AM

may be a freak?? LOL

Posted by: Ellen on April 30, 2004 04:26 PM

*cacklegigglesnort* Boobs in a box. tiny Dolly Partons... *cacklegigglehiccup*

I'm all for the before and afters! Please?

Posted by: Ren (spreegirl) on May 1, 2004 02:17 AM

wonder if those would work for A? Whenever we go to something formal she has to wear a strapless thingee that she complains about...

Posted by: ron on May 1, 2004 09:26 AM

I could not find these at CVS or Walgreen's. Can you tell me where I can get them please.

Posted by: Agnes Merlo on June 12, 2004 10:43 AM
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