September 01, 2003
The Crayola Experiment

Someone in my house has been taking a sh*t by the garage door every day for the past several months. I don't know who it is... it's not Scott I know that (in the distance, "is that right?") It's one of the cats. I'm pretty sure who it is, but not 100%.

It's annoying to find cat crap on your floor every day. There's no need for it. There are plenty of litter boxes in this house. There are 2 types of litter in this house. The litter boxes are changed on a daily basis, sometimes twice a day. I've done everything by the behavior book.

All of the cats went to work with me for bloodwork, urine, xrays, you name it, we did it and everything turned out fine excpet that Ajax has pancreatitis and Magrat has some renal issues. (So I'll say this once, so I do not get asinine comments. I work in a cats only veterinary facility. I am a licensed vet tech, My cats can have problems too.)

Mind you, Ajax is so mad at Scott for not letting him into his garage to play with his tools, he pees against his garage door several times a week. This is more annoying that cat shit. I have managed in the past to burn out a Hoover Steam Vac at our old apartment trying to clean pee smell out of carpet.

This is where the new experiment comes in. One of the new veterinarians that I work with is into behavior. *Woohoo!* When I told her about the problem, she was all gung-ho to help out. One of the things I had to do for her was fill out this behavioral questionare. It was not a quesitonaire. Questionaires are 20 questions. This was a novel. A novel that seriously needed an editor.

This is where the crayons come in. I am supposed to shave crayons and feed them to the cats and that should tell me who is taking a shit on the floor once and for all. So there I was last night, shaving 2 crayons. I started with Ted and Ajax. Ted is Carnation Pink, and Ajax is Yellow/Green. Why those two cats first? Because those two will eat anything put in front of them. Especially if it's mixed with baby food. I could stir gravel into it and end up with cement poop a day later.

So, everything was ready. The two most suspicious culprits were "loaded", the downstairs was cleaned, we even put some extra-attractive empty boxes for "insurance." Sure enough, next morning we had two class-A piles on the floor, lacking only a few buzzing flies to convincingly imitate horsepiles on the trailside of the old west. Well, from really tiny, really smelly horses. And the culprit was...

Nobody. Absolutely nothing. Just two stinky piles defiantly left by our very own phantom poopster.

Goblin gets tested tonight. Coconut does not get tested. The cat lives in the closet upstairs and like a good girl uses the potty box.

Hopefully today or tomorrow, someone will poop out the crayons.

Posted by Ellen at September 01, 2003 09:30 AM

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