December 21, 2002
13 Weeks

Ok, not much excitement going on this week for me. I did manage to take the belly shots with my digital camera so I can remember what I looked like at my first trimester. Basically, I look like I've gotta pee real bad. You know the look (well, girls do. Guys, feel free to make the "wha?" look). You can actually see your bladder pushing your lower abdomen out.

Zip-up jeans have become too uncomfortable to squeeze my ass into. I have resorted to my elastic large-amount-of-crying-'cos-they-are-so-tacky jeans. My legs also don't make it out of the house without lycra surrounding them, al-la sausage skins. Makes me feel like a bipedal Oscar Meyer product.

I've bought several pregnancy exercise videos, and they all start out with the same LAME intro : "Hi!!!", no, not 'hi', as in 'hello, I'm glad to meet you', but rather 'HI!!!', as in 'I'm Charlie Manson and we're going to have a great workout today. Now, everyone get out their kitchen knives so we can start'. It gets better though. "I'm [insert annoying California name here], I'm pregnant and I feel great!! And you should too!!!" They're so perky and shiny and clean, a tofu Donna Reed in spandex. Whereas I'm busy pushing cat's ass out of my face, trying not to roll into the new puke stain, so I can just see the tape.

At this point I'm like: "Shit, it's going to be corny!". Do I break a sweat? No. Keeping your heart rate under 140 beats per minute is very difficult. Not to mention you feel like you are NOT working out at all!

Pregnancy yoga is even cornier. All the hosts look like they just took a hit from the same bong, and, like, isn't it so natural and [DEEP SIGH] centering, to be [DRAMATIC PAUSE, BREATHY VOICE] P-huRHEGnant?!? Then they make you lie down and close your eyes and be real still. Hello, sleepy time! Scott once walked upstairs because he wondered what all the snoring was about.

I've realized that I'm suffering from a mild form of carpal tunnel syndrome since I'm not comfortable putting my weight on my wrists for certain positions. These positions never bothered me before, they bother me now.

I still like to take nice hot steamy baths. Probably means I'm going to give birth to a lobster at the end of it all. My little psychic buddy (as Scott calls it) tells me hot baths are liked very much. As well as now it really likes to make decisions on the food I eat now. I want one thing, it wants another. Sometimes there is no compromise and the psychic buddy wins. It's only when the psychic buddy votes for chocolate ice cream and pickle relish that it gets ugly. Makes the waiters give you funny looks, donchaknow?

Overall, the only other noticeable change that I feel is I find myself wanting to sleep on my back vs. my side. I actually wake up on my back. I know, I know, you're supposed to sleep on your left side for blood flow ect... blah blah blah. I'm definitely uncomfortable on my right side. My heart rate rises instantly. Weird.

Scott sees no other difference in me except that the boobie fairy has finally granted me my wish of bigger boobs! MEN!

Of course, the fact that I must get a whole new sweater wardrobe and push-up bras ASAP has nothing to do with it. I can't wait to have guys look me in the chest! WoOt!

Posted by Ellen at December 21, 2002 07:38 PM

eMail this entry!

Caution about too HOT baths, may actually heat the bundle too much. (I'm talking saunas.)
What size do you were now, 1. PLUUUEEEEZZZZ! I'm not even going to give my story of not fitting into clothes (though I did get to wear one shirt through the entire thing, that didn't sound good, did it).
Sleep was good, I remember it.
Boobs. Well some of us would rather have men notice traits other than protruding mounds. But I'm glad that you're happy with 'em. Hopefully you'll get to keep 'em. I did, and one friend did and one didn't. Goes by person.

Posted by: Cindy on December 21, 2002 10:46 PM

Put ice on your wrists for about 15 minutes after you exercise. You can purchase wrist immobilizer to wear also. LOL at the Oscar Meyer comment. Think PINK

Posted by: Pat on December 22, 2002 09:49 AM

Ahhh.....the joys of motherhood. Feh. Videos. No help for you there, honey. I laughed my ass off through my Lamaze class because the narrator of the one video reminded me of Jack Handey.

Posted by: Da Goddess on December 23, 2002 03:56 AM
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