Hello. This is kitten SxMeeRR (working name: Sausage), making my first report to hedqarters because Dragon Axzepztu (hyooman name: "Magrat") sez I need to. Everyone heer is very nise. I speshully like the shorter hyooman, shee lets me kis her lips. I am not shoor about the other hyooman. Even tho I tell him being held over the toilet is Undignified for potty, he will not lissen. Dragon Axzepztu sez not to worry, he will be going on a long trip veree soon.

Dragon Axzepztu sez I am going to a new lo-cay-shun tomorrow. This makes me happy. She sez I will advance the parrtee by learning well from her P.U.S.S. sell. She sez I must tell my gran-pa she is very nice because he is a member of the hi cown-sil and it will make her happy. I think Dragon Axzepztu is very nice, but I dont think Mouser YrhPLAKz ("teddy") likes me becaz he growlsz when I walk around.

I ree-mane yor fafe-ful survant. Only thru rijid disiplin can we max-i-mize kibble, de-str-oy the booshwa cay-nines, and en-shur our supply of fuzzee mise for-ev-er!