February 16, 2002

Apparently I am many things. I'll go over them with you. Clarification of a subject tends to make it easier to understand.


Selfish 1. Concerned chiefly with oneself. or 2. Arising from, characterized by, or showing selfishness.

Yeah, I know I am this. I have also been told this many a times. I don't know why I am. Perhaps its a learned thing. Perhaps I just want to pay attention to myself for once and not worry about other people or things. I do alot of things for people. And still, I'm selfish.


Anger 1. Feeling or showing anger;incesed or enraged. or 2. Indicative or or resulting from anger. or 3. Having a menacing aspect;threatening.

I KNOW I am angry. It consumes most of my day. People make me angry. Life makes me angry. Stupidy makes me angry. This is WHY it consumes a great part of my day. The only time I'm not angry is when I am sleeping. I do not understand why people expect me to be happy. What is there to be happy about? I do have things that make me happy, but not 100%* I'm NEVER 100% happy- and this is a problem*. Small nit-picky, dumb-ass shit makes me extrodinarily angry. It's not supposed to, it's not worth it, but it still happens.


INTELLIGENT 1.Having intelligence. or 2.Mentally acute. or 3. Having sound judgment and rationality. or 4. Appealing to the intellect, intellectual..

I am intelligent, this I know. Now by the time you have gotten to this part of my essay, you are probably thinking I'm stupid. I'm not. I have a college degree, I am a professional in my field of work, I am respected *most of the time*. I just want you to know what other people think of me. It's all true, all of you know me know this.

Whatever, save the compliments. I am a miserable human, this I know. I think I should know myself.

I can be happy. My cats make me happy. Dorking around with my fish make me happy. Learning new things make me happy. Presents make me happy * no I don't expect this-but they are nice to get*. Other things in my life make me happy at times also. Scott can make me happy, sometimes.

I need to learn how to be happier, people would like me more.

Posted by Ellen at February 16, 2002 07:55 PM

eMail this entry!

It makes me very sad to know that you are always unhappy.

Posted by: Pat on February 16, 2002 10:03 PM
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