February 14, 2002
Don't F*cking Open Me

Sometimes I really wish this was a real thing. As a system admin for a large network of social-science majors, I get this sort of thing all the time. People around here still open messages "asking for you advice".


Please forward to all your friends. Just once I'd like to see an e-mail chain letter that was actually useful.

If anyone ever sends you a virus warning, simply assume it's a hoax and delete it. You will be correct 99% of the time, and your antivirus software will catch the last 1%. REPEAT THIS THREE TIMES BEFORE TURNING ON YOUR COMPUTER: ALL VIRUS WARNINGS I RECEIVE VIA E-MAIL ARE HOAXES! EVERY SINGLE ONE! I WILL NOT FORWARD VIRUS WARNINGS!

Never open an unexpected file attachment, even when it's from someone you know. ESPECIALLY if it's from someone you know! Even if it says "this is SOOO COOL, you MUST MUST OPEN IT!", or "I love you so much I just wanted to see this" or "click this to see something sexy" or anything else, DO NOT OPEN IT! NEVER OPEN AN UNEXPECTED FILE ATTACHMENT, NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!

If someone sends you something that talks about making money, it's a hoax. If all you needed to do to make money is forward chain letter e-mail around, everyone with an AOL account would be a billionaire by now. Delete it and do not forward. Repeat: IT'S A HOAX! REALLY!

If someone sends you something that talks about how you should forward an inspirational message to six people to bring you good luck, don't do it. Just because it's electronic doesn't make it any less of a chain letter.

Do you believe everything you are told by your friends? NO! Do you believe everything you are told by the government? NO! Do you believe everything you read in the newspaper? NO! THEN WHY DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU GET IN AN E-MAIL JUST BECAUSE IT IS IN AN E-MAIL?

End of rant.

Please forward this to seven other people you really care about, because if you do I promise that a wonderful thing will happen to you tomorrow. You will also learn to MAKE MONEY FAST! by forwarding this e-mail. I forwarded it to eight of my friends and I now have $34,961.27 in the bank! Be sure to forward this message, because it contains instructions to cure a virus that your antivirus software won't catch, and if you don't follow these directions completely and forward this message to nine people immediately then your entire hard drive could be erased!

Posted by scott at February 14, 2002 09:34 AM

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